I Want a Dog for Christmas, Charlie Brown (2003)
[CHIRPING]
[ALL GIGGLING]
Christmas decorations are getting more lifelike every year, Charlie Brown.
I thought your little brother, ReRun, was coming with you?
Our mom decided to take him with her on her bicycle...
...to do some Christmas shopping.
Pedal hard, Mom.
Harder.
That's the way.
Look out for the lawn mower.
Great, we're out of the garage.
When it comes to riding on the back of Mom's bicycle...
...I'm a white-knuckle flier.
Look out for the tree.
[BICYCLE BELL RINGS]
Look out for the fence.
[CAR HONKS]
[SINGS]
Jingle bells Look out!
[SINGS]
Jingle bells Aah, look out!
[SINGS]
Jingle all the way Singing doesn't help at all.
Those bike rides always wipe me out.
I've got to find some way to relax.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Could you ask your dog to come out and play?
He's resting.
Go find something else to do.
Go home and read a book.
I can't do that.
Well, that's too bad.
Find something you know how to do.
Well, I know how to play with a dog.
Someone at school today asked me if I had an older brother...
...who dragged a blanket around.
"No," I replied.
"I'm an only child." Then someone said, "But don't you have a weird older sister?" "No," I insisted.
"I'm an only child." And so I go, day after day, dodging questions from curious outsiders.
What else did they say?
Some of the guys over at the playground were discussing crabby sisters.
Guess what, I won.
They all agree that I have the crabbiest sister in the neighborhood.
I'm a celebrity.
You think I'm crabby now?
Wait until I'm 40 or 50.
What about when you're 90?
Then I'll be real nice.
The trouble with being a little kid...
...is no one ever asks your opinion about anything.
Why don't you stop talking and just go to bed?
Are you asking for my opinion?
What are you writing, ReRun?
This is how I have it figured.
If there are three kids in a family, each kid has 33 and a third rights.
Wrong, little brother.
It's 90 percent for me and 5 percent for you.
And 5 percent for you.
I better check those figures again.
We're a family.
And in a family, each person has a job.
Here, write down what you think your job could be.
How do you spell "watching"?
Watching?
That'll be my job, watching TV.
Remember, ReRun...
...having an older sister is like having a compass to guide you through life.
Is that true?
I'm not here.
How can I be expected to live in the same house with two brothers?
What kind of question was that?
Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
I'm your younger brother...
...and I don't suck my thumb, and I don't cling to a blanket for security.
Hooray for you.
As the years go by, you'll probably develop a real resentment toward me.
And you'll find different ways to get even.
What would you do if I kicked those over?
Probably nothing at the moment.
But years from now, after you're married...
...and you and your husband want me to cosign a note...
...so you can buy a new house, I'll refuse.
[GROANS]
Younger brothers learn to think fast.
If you're the third child in a family...
...and your brother and sister are really weird...
...I wonder if it's possible for that third child to develop an immunity.
An immunity to all the bad things that happen in a family.
To that innocent third child who might...
[THUD]
RERUN: So much for immunity.
[BELL RINGS]
Wow, what a project.
Color these pictures, cut and paste, draw those trees.
More cutting, more pasting.
What a learning experience.
[WOMAN MUMBLING]
Yes, ma'am, you've done it again.
[WOMAN MUMBLING]
When she's happy, we're happy.
What are those round things?
People faces.
I'm drawing a football stadium filled with 60,000 fans.
I only see 10.
Parking was a problem.
We're supposed to draw each other's face.
Well, turn your head.
I can only draw a side-view face.
I'm trying to have an expression of someone looking to the future with hope.
That's all right, I'm just drawing your ear.
I'm tired of all this kindergarten stuff.
Why don't we run away to Paris?
If we got on a plane at midnight, we could be in Paris tomorrow.
Do you have any money?
I have 50 cents.
Maybe we can get upgraded to business class.
There's this cute little girl who sits next to me in kindergarten.
I told her maybe she and I can go to Paris someday.
I don't even know where Paris is.
The teacher says that the principal wants to see you.
Me?
[WOMAN MUMBLING]
Yes, ma'am.
I was told the principal wants to see me.
[WOMAN MUMBLING]
Why me?
I'm nobody.
I don't even have a dog.
[MAN MUMBLING]
Yes, sir, Mr.
Principal.
[MAN MUMBLING]
Who?
The little girl with the braids?
Sure.
We're in the same kindergarten class.
[MAN MUMBLING]
Did I ask her to go to Paris?
Well, sure, but that was just a joke.
I mean, how...?
[MAN MUMBLING]
Harassment?
LUC Y: Who's there?
- It's only me.
I'm home early.
I've been fired.
This little girl in my class was sort of depressed.
So I said, "Why don't we run away to Paris?" It was a joke.
She thought it was funny...
...so she told her mother, who told the teacher...
...who told the principal, and I got fired.
- Suspended.
- I guess so.
- Harassment?
- Stupidity.
Thank goodness Christmas vacation starts tomorrow.
Mom should really let us have a dog.
[SNOOPY GROWLS]
Having a dog could be fun.
Don't you think?
What are you doing?
I'm writing a letter to Santa Claus.
Forget it, ReRun.
He doesn't have time to read all those letters.
I mean, he stands on the corner all day ringing that bell.
When he gets home, he's tired.
He doesn't want to read a bunch of whiny letters.
Tell him Lucy says hi.
Which should I ask for, a bicycle or a dog?
I think maybe a dog.
You can't fall off a dog.
When Santa Claus brings me the dog...
..will he leave it on the front porch or in the backyard?
He wouldn't drop it down the chimney, would he?
There's something I sort of feel I should tell you.
Maybe he'll just leave me a gift certificate.
Listen to me.
Mom doesn't want you to have a dog, does she?
- No.
- Do you really think Santa Claus...
...is going to bring you something Mom doesn't want you to have?
Ooh, Supreme Court stuff.
[MAN MUMBLING]
Yes, sir, my name is ReRun.
Did you know that Santa Claus is gonna bring me a dog?
So what I need is a leash and a collar and a supper dish.
And you can just put it on my tab.
[THUD]
Who am I kidding, Snoopy?
Lucy is right.
Santa Claus is never gonna bring a dog to someone...
...whose mom doesn't want him to have a dog.
If I'm lucky, I'll get a pair of socks and an orange.
Mom put the sandbox in the garage for a while.
- Okay, ReRun, out.
- But...
- Sally and I wanna play in the sandbox.
- But...
There's not room for all of us, so you'll have to leave.
- But...
- There's two of us...
...and there's only one of you.
[GRUMBLES]
[WOMAN MUMBLING]
Oh, no, it's B-of-the-B day.
Oh, no.
What is B-of-the-B day?
It's back-of-the-bike day.
ReRun has to ride on the back of Mom's bike.
[BICYCLE BELL RINGS]
I like they way your mom handles that bike.
See how she went through that hedge instead of the brick wall?
Yes, I must admit her steering is getting a little better.
Yesterday, we only hit four parked cars.
[SINGS]
Over hill, over dale Poor dale.
Riding around all day on the back of your mom's bicycle...
...gives you plenty of time to think.
It gives you time to think about people and about life.
And about what would happen if we ran into a tree.
We're going to the cleaners.
Mom always likes to return the used coat hangers.
She hates it when I do this.
[DOG BARKING]
This is the part of the ride that I hate.
Every day, this big stupid German shepherd...
...comes running out and chases our bicycle.
He doesn't quit until I throw my shoe at him.
I'm running out of shoes.
Riding on the back of your mother's bicycle in the winter can be a real experience.
We can't see where we're going, and we slide all over.
Now it's a shopping cart in the supermarket.
Now it's a stroller through the mall.
And then back on the bicycle.
Sometimes I go a whole day without ever touching the ground.
[PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC]
- You know something, Schroeder?
- What?
I liked you the very first time I saw you.
I disliked you the first time I saw you.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
I have a historical question for you.
Did Beethoven ever have any beautiful girls nearby while he was practicing the piano?
No, I don't think Beethoven had any crabby females hanging on his piano...
...while he was trying to practice.
That isn't quite what I said.
Here's something.
"A piano can strike notes through a range of seven octaves.
In comparison, a child's toy piano has a range of only one octave...
...and is virtually useless as a musical instrument because of that." [CONTINUES PLAYING LOUDLY]
What else does it say?
Never fall in love with a musician.
What do you two want?
[GROANS]
Good grief.
[ALL LAUGHING]
[PLAYING VINCE GUARALDI'S "CHRISTMAS IS COMING"]
[SNOOPY LAUGHING]
Why can't I have a normal dog like everyone else?
But you're lucky to have a dog, Charlie Brown.
Does Snoopy have any sisters?
He has a sister, Belle, who lives in Kansas City.
Does Snoopy have any brothers?
One day, one of his brothers named Marbles showed up out of the blue.
But he only stayed one day.
RERUN: Why was that?
CHARLIE: Well, he had kind of a wild ride.
[ENGINE WHIRRING]
[ENGINE SPUTTERING]
Here.
RERUN: Who are they?
CHARLIE: That's Andy and Olaf...
...two more brothers of Snoopy.
CHARLIE: They showed up and spent a few days with Snoopy.
And then Snoopy suggested they go visit his other brother, Spike.
This is Spike.
He lives in the desert.
So, what happened?
CHARLIE: They got lost and ended up in Alaska as sled dogs for a while.
Snoopy has the greatest family.
If not the strangest.
I wish one of them could be my dog, but my mom doesn't want one.
But would it be okay if I play with Snoopy sometimes?
If your mom doesn't mind, sure.
That would make this the best Christmas ever.
I guess I'll try to play by myself.
Here we go.
Slam dunk.
Lot's of slam, but no dunk.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Could you ask your dog if he wants to come out and sh**t a few baskets?
I'll see if I can find him.
I couldn't find him.
But I doubt if he would have been interested.
Can you ask your dog if he wants to come out and play?
And then afterwards, I'll give him a Christmas cookie with sprinkles.
[YELPS]
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Happiness is a warm puppy.
[GIGGLING]
I guess dogs have to eat a lot.
How does he do that?
By the way, when somebody walks by...
...how do you decide if you should bark at him?
[BARKS]
This is how it works.
I'll take my cards and you'll take your cards...
...and then we'll throw them in the air.
Whoever has the most cards land face up wins.
How do you do that?
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Can you ask your dog to come out and play chase the stick?
"Thank you for your offer to come out and play.
We are busy at this time, however, and cannot accept your offer.
We hope you will be successful elsewhere." Dogs have rejection slips?
Ask your dog if he wants to come out and frolic.
Yesterday, you asked him if he wanted to come out and play.
We're upgrading the neighborhood.
So then ask your dog to come out and romp in the snow.
- Romp?
- To "romp" means to play...
...or to frolic in a lively way.
He said no.
"No" means to deny or refuse or disagree.
I know what it means.
Gee, Mom, dogs are so much fun.
Can we please get one for Christmas?
[WOMAN MUMBLES]
Why, Mom?
[WOMAN MUMBLING]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
I was wondering if you'd be willing to sell your dog.
How much money do you have?
Here, you tell me.
I don't know anything about money.
Well, you have a dime, a nickel and a penny.
You have 16 cents.
- Is that enough?
- No.
You'd need $ 10 million.
How would it be if I gave you 16 cents now and the rest later?
There's only one thing left to do.
It's time to see Santa Claus.
Hey, big sister, wait a minute.
I need you to take me to Santa Claus.
Why?
I have something really important to ask him.
I'm very busy today.
Maybe tomorrow.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[SCHROEDER PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC ON PIANO]
Did Beethoven ever buy his girlfriend fuzzy mittens for Christmas?
I doubt it.
Here's your chance to do something he never did.
I've already thought of doing something he never did.
[CONTINUES PLAYING MUSIC]
Did Beethoven ever play "Jingle Bells"?
He probably thought he was too good to play "Jingle Bells." [SCREAMS]
[PLAYING VINCE GUARALDI'S "CHRISTMAS TIME IS HERE"]
I have my list for Christmas.
Well, a bicycle would be nice.
And maybe a new sled and a pair of in-line skates.
And maybe a new jump rope.
How did things go with Santa Claus?
It's nice to tell him what you want for Christmas, isn't it?
If you can get past his secretary.
Wait here a second.
I have to check out this Santa.
Okay.
If you're a real Santa Claus, where are your reindeer, huh?
How are you gonna land on all those rooftops...
...and go down all those chimneys?
And after you go down a chimney, how are you gonna get back up, huh?
I'll give you about three houses, and you'll be completely exhausted.
I thought you might like a snack while you were working.
Hey, look, Ma, Santa is eating out of a dog dish.
As your big sister, I feel that it is my duty to tell you...
...that who you are about to see is not the real Santa Claus.
I don't care who he is as long as he can give me a dog for Christmas.
What you're looking at is a dog in a Santa Claus suit.
Now that I've told you, how does it make you feel?
I like him.
Santa, all I want for Christmas is a puppy dog.
What does he want?
I think he wants a contribution to his box there.
[SNOOPY MUMBLING]
What did he say?
He said, "Thank you, the money is for a worthy cause." And "Merry Christmas." And "Say hello to the stupid kid with the blanket and his crabby sister." Just forget it.
Mom will never let you have a dog, anyway.
Everybody in the world has a dog.
Why can't I have a dog?
You wouldn't know how to take care of a dog.
You wouldn't even know how to feed it.
Dogs like cold cereal.
I don't know if I can count on Santa for a dog.
If I eat all my dinner, can I have a dog for Christmas?
[WOMAN MUMBLES]
Everybody in the world has a dog.
Why won't Mom let me have one?
A lot of people in the world don't have dogs.
They can be a lot of trouble.
What I think I'll do today...
...is take some money out of my college trust fund and go buy a dog.
You don't have a college trust fund.
I don't?
Good grief.
- Please pass the grape jelly.
- We're all out of grape jelly.
How could anyone not have a dog or a trust fund or grape jelly?
If you don't think dogs are a lot of trouble...
...just ask Charlie Brown about his stupid dog.
My mom and sister say that dogs are a lot of trouble.
Owning a dog is a big responsibility, ReRun.
They need lots of care.
And they need a lot of comforting.
Maybe if I watch you and Snoopy, I'll know how to take care of a dog...
...if I get one from Santa.
How can you tell which boot goes on which foot?
I hate zippers.
Oh, how I hate zippers and mittens.
How can you tell where the thumbs go?
I wasn't made for winter.
[ENGINE WHIRRING]
What's going on here?
I'm going Christmas shopping.
This was the cheapest ticket I could get.
- What's happening, Charlie Brown?
- I haven't the slightest idea.
What kind of an airplane is this?
Where's the complimentary orange juice?
And isn't anyone going to welcome me aboard?
Blech!
I'd rather have the orange juice.
It's been a smooth flight so far, hasn't it?
Almost like we're not flying at all.
Stupid pilot.
What happens if there's a loss of cabin pressure?
Where are the oxygen masks in case there's an emergency?
Hey, I thought that passengers were always served a nice lunch.
What happens when we get to the ocean?
Do you have special equipment for flying over water?
Hey, I'm getting cold and wet.
Take me back home.
[ENGINE SPUTTERS]
[THUD]
So much for Christmas shopping.
Charlie Brown, you have the greatest dog in all the world.
Now I've just got to find a way to get me a dog for Christmas.
This letter came for you today.
[LAUGHING]
It's a letter to Snoopy from his brother, Spike...
...the one who lives in the desert.
[CHARLIE READING ON-SCREEN TEXT]
CHARLIE: For my Christmas tree, I decorated a tumbleweed.
It looked really beautiful.
But then it left.
[CHARLIE READING ON-SCREEN TEXT]
We had some cold mornings here in the desert.
Today, I actually had a fire in my fireplace.
[CHARLIE READING ON-SCREEN TEXT]
CHARLIE: I had fun stringing the Christmas tree lights.
Up to a point.
[LAUGHS]
Does Spike live all alone in the desert?
Yes, he does.
It's probably a very lonely life.
Here's what I've been thinking.
He could use a better home, couldn't he?
Sure he could.
So here's my idea...
Can you send a letter for me?
Please write to your brother in the desert.
Tell him he can be my dog.
Tell him we'll be pals.
He can chase sticks and pull me in my wagon and learn tricks.
And we'll celebrate Christmas together.
[BELL RINGS]
- Merry Christmas, Schroeder.
- Thank you.
- I just noticed something about this room.
- What's that?
There's an appalling lack of mistletoe.
[PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC]
Beethoven was a bad influence.
How can you say that?
Lots of musicians never get married just because Beethoven never got married.
That's what I call a bad influence.
Where's ReRun?
He's outside building a snowman to greet Spike.
[CHIRPING]
Please don't melt my snowman.
Don't.
Please don't.
It's for my new dog, Spike.
Please.
Please stop.
Don't do it.
Rats.
You can talk to the moon, but the sun won't listen.
Look, ReRun.
It's a postcard for Snoopy from his brother, Spike.
"Dear Snoopy.
My friend and I are making a painful journey across the country to see you." - Oh, ha, ha!
- Painful?
Why would the trip be painful?
And who's the friend he's bringing?
I'm so excited that your brother's coming.
This will be the best Christmas I've ever had.
You're crazy, ReRun.
Mom will never let you have a dog.
Besides, how in the world will he ever be able to find you?
Dogs are very smart.
They can find their way anyplace.
They always know where they are.
I don't believe it.
He actually found us.
Look, there's Spike, ReRun.
[BOTH LAUGH]
Spike, good grief.
You're as thin as a promise.
This is the most miserable-looking dog I've ever seen.
I'm gonna take him home and feed him.
Hey, that's my blanket he's wearing.
Hospital robe.
What's that?
This is a milk shake for Spike.
I'm fattening him up.
I'm your brother.
How come you never make me a milk shake?
When he's through, you can lick the straw.
- You thought I couldn't do it, didn't you?
- Do what?
Well, Spike isn't skinny anymore.
I got him back in shape.
Come on out, Spike.
Show everybody how great you look.
How's ReRun doing with the fat Spike?
He's trying to teach him some games.
That looks like a good game.
What do you call it?
Slobber ball.
Okay.
You put down a nine, so I'll put down a 10.
Okay.
You put down a jack, so I'll put down a queen.
What kind of game are you guys playing?
We don't have the slightest idea.
Now what are you doing?
It's a jigsaw puzzle.
If the pieces don't fit, we make them fit.
A tooth.
I've lost another tooth.
I must be getting old.
Next, I'll start losing my hair.
But I don't wanna go on the bike.
Mom wants you to help pick out a Christmas tree.
But I don't wanna leave Spike.
Here you are, ReRun.
Spike will keep you company.
Look out for the tree.
Look out for the truck.
[HORN HONKS]
Look out for the fence.
[SCREAMS]
I hate looking at the world through my fingers.
Well, Spike has lost all that weight I put on him.
It must have been the bike ride.
Anyway, Mom say's we can't keep Spike anymore.
She just felt sorry for him because he looked so bad when he got here.
So, what's going to happen to him?
Don't worry, Charlie Brown will find a nice home for him.
You're asking our family to adopt this dog?
Why not?
He's Snoopy's big brother.
He's a good dog.
He's a full-blooded beagle.
That's what you say.
I say he's part beagle and part disaster.
He's been living just outside of Needles with a bunch of coyotes.
I think I'd rather have one of the coyotes.
[DOOR SLAMS]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Wouldn't you like to own a good watchdog?
Isn't this the sort of dog you'd like to have with you...
...if you had some place to go at night?
I sure wouldn't want to be seen in the daylight with him.
I'm sorry, Charlie Brown.
Beethoven never owned a dog.
If Beethoven never owned a dog, I guess I shouldn't either.
Beethoven would have liked this dog.
Well, Spike, I'm sorry we couldn't find a home for you here...
...but maybe you're better off in the desert anyway.
Goodbye, Spike.
I'll really, really miss you.
Don't forget to write.
RERUN: I sure hope he gets a ride this time.
CHARLIE: I hope so too.
Little brother, I realize how upset you must be losing Spike.
So to make you forget about him...
...I've signed you up to be in our Christmas play.
Here's the script.
Just memorize it.
- I can't memorize.
- Don't worry, you only have one line.
I'll help you.
We are here to tell you of a wondrous light.
A wondrous light that was a star.
I wonder if there's any way I can get out of here.
The wise men saw the star And followed it from afar [WHISPERS]
Psst, Lucy.
They found the stable in the night Beneath the star so big and bright - What's the matter?
- I can't remember my line.
The wise men left the presents there Gifts so precious and so rare What do you mean, you can't remember it?
I can't remember.
Look up, look up The star still stands Seen by millions in the lands You'd better remember it right now, you blockhead...
...or when I get home, I'll slug you.
The star that shone at Bethlehem Still shines for us today - Merry Christmas.
- Thank you.
I hope Spike made it back home.
I hope he got home in time to celebrate Christmas.
I drew a picture of your dog.
Would you like to buy it?
Are you a starving artist?
If you were a starving artist, I'd buy it.
All I had for breakfast was a waffle.
Well, can you at least ask Snoopy to come out and pull me on my sled?
- Is he coming out?
- I don't know.
He can't stop laughing.
Please ask him again.
I just want him to pull me a little ways.
He wants to know if you have a silver harness...
...with golden bells and fancy tassels.
Hey, I'm lucky that I even have a sled.
ReRun really misses Spike.
Maybe you could help him with the sled?
[LAUGHING]
RERUN: Maybe a dog is too much trouble.
Sometimes I lie awake at night...
...and I ask, "When will it all end?
" Then a voice comes to me that says, "Right after the credits."
I Want a Dog for Christmas, Charlie Brown
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