02x02 - Thanos Rising

[bunniefuu]

Falcon: You guys headed to stop Grim Reaper or trying out for dancing with the superheroes?

Iron Man: Arsenal needs to stretch his legs.

Check this. His armor works almost exactly like mine.

Increase thrust.

Arsenal: Increasing thrust 23%.

Iron Man: Yes!

Very cool, but not surprising.

A Stark designed it.

He's my dad's greatest invention.

A real masterpiece.

Huh.

Grim Reaper's broken the perimeter.

Tony, eyes on the road.

Arsenal, show the good folks at home what you can do.

Arsenal: Sure thing, Tony.

(Laser fires) (Explodes)

And a round of applause.

Is that the best the army's got?

(Soldiers whimpering)

Ain't enough for the Grim Reaper.

Iron Man: Hey, look. Guess who's surrounded?

Iron Man.

And who's this? Iron boy?

You know, no one wants to play with you if you break all their toys.

I'm not here to play.

I'm here to destroy.

(Grunts)

(Groans)

Ahhh!

An EMP. That's new.

Jarvis: Warning. System failure.

Plenty left for you, new guy.

That's right. Run, coward.

(Groans)

(Beeping)

Arsenal: My primary programming is to protect you, Tony.

I'll be fine.

Go after the bad guy.

Computerized voice: Access granted.

(Laughs)

Launch sequence initiated.

Target, Avengers tower, New York.

(Laughs)

Falcon: Whoa! That won't just take out the tower. It'll take out half the city.

Thor, we've got a m*ssile targeting Manhattan.

If you're not here, get here.

You will not keep me from battle.

Intercept that m*ssile. That's an order.

Arsenal: Are you asking me to override my programming, Tony?

Iron Man: Yes.

(Groans)

Ow.

Jarvis: Armor reboot in three minutes.

(Grunts)

How about I throw this into the heart of the sun?

Falcon: Uh, Thor, according to these readings, that m*ssile is designed to detonate if it changes course.

Ha! Not true. Because I just...

(expl*si*n)

Ahhh! Thor! by Odin, I live!

You can thank Tony.

Energy contained.

You've got to teach me that trick.

(Chuckles)

That's impossible.

(Alarm blaring)

(Repulsor fires)

We're Avengers. We do impossible.

Mmm? Arsenal's an Avenger now?

Oh, hey, my coffee maker wants to join. Could he give you a call?

Stopping a 30-megaton m*ssile not impressive enough for you?

Thor: Impressive enough for us.

(Clanks)

I like you, robot. You take hits better than Thor.

And you smell better than Hulk.

Time for us three to spar!

Sorry, guys. Arsenal has homework.

Tests? Not fun.

Smashing? Fun.

Tell your friends you'll see them later.

I will witness you later.

A machine will never have the battle instincts of a real, live human.

(Grunts)

Huh? Arsenal may not be 100% perfect...

Oh, (Chuckles) Wait. Yes, he is.

You're paying for that.

Jarvis: Incoming, director Fury on secure line.

Remind me not to let the Avengers visit my hometown.

This city is ruined.

Considering an alien fleet that size, we had a minimum of collateral damage.

Minimum? I call that maximum collateral damage.

Thanos.

Let's try this one more time, Skull.

Where is Thanos?

Five... power... mind.

See what happens when you play in the cosmic sandbox?

Five... stones.

Cosmic brain fry.

I've gotten intel from less coherent people.

How's that possible?

Black Widow: I've gotten intel from you.

(Grunts in pain)

Watcher report 51108.

Situation is dire.

No trace of Thanos, w*rlord of Titan, who stands on the verge of regaining the Power Stone.

While I have sympathy for the Earthlings...

(Rumbling)

(Yells)

(Whimpering)

Okay, Arsenal. Alien craft incoming.

Impress me.

Commence with impressing.

Power Stone test initiate.

Jarvis, cancel this thing!

(Electronic whirring)

Jarvis: Simulation complete.

Falcon: The world ends every time Arsenal uses the Power Stone?

No. Sometimes, the entire universe ends.

He can't focus or control this thing. But he can contain it.

Like he contained the Reaper's m*ssile.

Yeah, but where does all the power go?

His schematics are like reading a foreign language.

My dad, the not-so-great communicator.

Dad, why didn't you give Arsenal an instruction manual?

Arsenal: I believe he did.

Howard Stark on recording: Anthony, it's Howard.

Sorry, your dad.

I really hope you enjoy Arsenal, the new best friend I created for you.

What is this?

Arsenal: I have 108 holographic recordings of your father in my system, Tony.

You have a playlist of my dad?

In order to protect you, Arsenal shuttles excess power into a parallel dimension.

If he had to, he could bring the power back, but that would obliterate him.

This is complex, but you're a smart kid, Tony.

"Smart" is an understatement.

I programmed Arsenal... I programmed Arsenal...

Football, basketball...

My apologies.

Some of the video files have corrupted over time.

If I'm not around when you're old enough, this is the best way to shave a mustache.

I know Arsenal isn't a replacement for having me around...

Tony, are you...

Howard?

My dad loaded Arsenal with holograms of himself.

Now, that's a face I never thought I'd see again.

Yeah, but did he build me a buddy or a w*apon?

Follow me, soldier. You're my back-up.

(g*nf*re in video game)

(Alarm blaring)

(Grunts)

Shut off that racket.

We're almost at a save point.

Falcon: Uh, guys, are any of you expecting a visitor?

A high-velocity visitor?

(Grunts)

(Glass shatters)

Uh-oh.

By Odin's beard!

The Watcher?

Falcon: If an invincible demi-God wanted to stop by, he could have just knocked.

Thanos. He's on the moon. This is an invitation.

Hawkeye: Throwing the watcher off the moon?

Doesn't Thanos have email?

When Thanos sets a trap, he doesn't do subtle.

Trap or no trap, we've got some avenging to do.

The Power Stone is exactly what Thanos wants.

Why are we bringing the robot?

A strategic risk. If all else fails, the Power Stone's the only thing that can stop him.

Seriously?

Do you guys get all your plans from some "bad idea" playbook?

Jarvis: Alert. Incoming object.

I always wanted a moon rock.

(Alarm blaring)

(Banging)

(Grunts)

(Chuckles)

(Footsteps thumping)

The Power Stone. Finally, I claim what is mine.

Empty?

(Growls)

(Yells)

(Yelling)

Falcon: Okay, guys. Entering the blue area of the moon.

Only place with oxygen up here.

Two ships?

(Growls)

Great job on that trap, Widow.

Decoy ship? Booby-trapped treasure?

Spy-craft 101.

Iron Man: Fine.

But how about we blow up a S.H.I.E.L.D. ship next time?

Arsenal, do me a favor.

Keep your distance from Thanos.

I know your noble race isn't allowed to intervene, so I'll be sure to hit Thanos for you.

Thanos, I presume?

(Roars)

An inverse force energy cell.

I invented it. Cool, huh?

The more you hit it, the stronger it gets.

Hear me, Earthlings.

Your Red Skull stole something from me.

Our Red Skull? We don't want him.

I will only make one offer.

Give me what was stolen, and I will spare your world.

Yeah. The thing about making deals with evil cosmic conquerors is...

Well, it's a trust issue.

So be it.

What happens next is on your heads.

(Both gasp)

(Both groaning)

What trickery?

Human technology is child's play...

For a Titan.

Offensive pattern delta-niner.

(Grunts)

(Yells)

Tony.

(Grunts)

I call this modified expl*sive arrow "the Hulk smasher."

But I'm willing to change the name.

Tick, tick.

Boom?

Falcon, give me a lift.

(Both grunt)

(Chuckles)

Arsenal: Is it time for me to employ the Power Stone?

And blow up half the moon? No way.

Not without a...

A way to focus that much power.

Uatu, old pal, I'm going to need to use some stuff.

(Grunts)

(Grunts)

Iron Man: Cap, on to something. Send me some back-up.

You three, on Tony. On their way.

(Grunts) (Groans)

(Both grunting)

Falcon: Wow! The Watcher sure doesn't skimp on his tech.

Iron Man: Avengers, over here.

These crystal lenses were formed in the heart of a gas giant.

They were formed inside Hulk?

(Chuckles)

Nice. So Arsenal can focus the Power Stone blast.

Exactly.

Falcon, use The Watcher's system to get me anything you can on Thanos.

Hawkeye, find something to put these crystals in.

Widow, help us pull this thing apart.

Gladly.

Won't cue-ball here stop me from ransacking his crib?

I can only observe.

(Laughs)

Feel the force of Mjolnir, villain!

(Growls)

(Grunts)

(Yells)

You are not worthy.

If I can't hit you with the hammer...

(Growls)

Then I'll hit the hammer with you!

(Groans)

Amazing. The Watcher's system is like an intergalactic Internet.

Here. Thanos is from a race of warriors called "Titans."

Oh, man. What he did to his own people, he makes Hyperion look like a nice guy.

This watcher guy has been "observing" some serious fire power.

The Power Stone's all the fire power we need.

It's our best hope.

Arsenal: Locked and loaded.

(Hulk grunting)

Big guy?

(Grunting)

(Clatters)

So much for our best hope.

(Thor groans)

If you're the mightiest Earth has to offer, your planet is doomed.

(Grunts)

Earthquake... Uh, moonquake!

Whoa!

(Yells)

(Grunts)

Does this mean I owe you another one?

Put it on your tab.

(Groans)

You waste my time, Earthlings.

Crystals! Now!

(Arrow explodes)

One down.

Arsenal: Finally, we get to play catch.

Second crystal obtained.

(expl*si*n) (Grunts)

A curious trait...

Resting your plans for victory on such fragile things.

Plan? Who says we got a plan?

That's three.

(Arrows explode) (Yells)

Make dad proud.

(Energy channeling)

(Chuckles) (Grunts)

Your toys are meaningless to me.

Iron Man: You haven't met Arsenal.

(Grunting)

Tony, I believe the mission is complete.

Couldn't be more complete.

(Thanos laughs)

You thought I'd come for the Power Stone...

Without a way to contain it?

Behold the Infinity Gauntlet.

Hey, that's my birthday present!

(Struggling)

This armor will be your coffin.

(Screams)

Tony.

(Grunts)

(Growls)

(All groan)

(Thanos roars)

Finally.

(Thumping)

Avengers, you rejected my offer. I shall not spare your world.

Any more pages in your bad idea playbook?

We're never out of options.

Falcon, check The Watcher's data.

I refuse to believe the power stone has no weaknesses.

Doesn't look like it, Cap. That thing is practically indestructible.

I'd be geeking out on its power readings if it didn't mean the end of the world.

Captain America: Then what about his Infinity Gauntlet?

No way, Cap.

We'd need a massive amount of energy.

Like 10 megatons.

I can access that kind of energy.

I absorbed Grim Reaper's m*ssile.

In order to protect you, Arsenal shuttles excess power into a parallel dimension.

Iron Man: Play the rest.

If he had to, he could bring the power back, but that would obliterate him.

That doesn't work for me.

You play the hand you're dealt.

She's right, Tony.

I know it's not easy, but Earth comes first.

I was created to do one thing, Tony.

Protect you.

Permit me.

All right. Let's do this.

It won't be easy.

We need a live reading while the Power Stone's in use.

Hawkeye: The Watcher's got some souvenirs from Thanos' homeworld.

These will make him cranky.

(Chuckles)

Huh?

(Grunts)

Oh!

(Grunts)

(Grunts)

(Groans)

Titan weapons.

They didn't help the Titan army when I destroyed them.

But this time, you're fighting the Avengers.

Got it. 87 terahertz. Adjust your energy output to that frequency.

Understood.

(Grunts)

(Groans)

Your persistence is amusing.

Why do you waste my time with your futile efforts?

You say "futile," I say "genius."

(Laughs)

Even your friends are abandoning you.

They fear true power.

You're wrong, Thanos.

My friends are my true power.

Arsenal.

Good-bye, Tony.

What?

(Screams)

Good-bye, Arsenal.

Howard Stark on recording: Protecting the world requires...

Protect... Protecting the world...

...the world requires sacrifices.

(Powering down)

Falcon: Not sure how much sleep I'm going to get knowing Thanos is still out there somewhere.

Blasted halfway across the universe.

Not worried about Thanos, as long as the Power Stone's blown to bits.

You think you can bring Arsenal back?

Won't quit until I do.

Look, uh, Tony...

I was wrong.

He wasn't just a robot.

This guy...

He was an Avenger.

Hopefully, you can tell that to him in person, one day.

You'd better rebuild him, smart guy.

He owes me a rematch at darts.

And he owes me a game of catch.