01x02 - Playing Politics: Living Life in the Shadow of the Budget Showdown - A Critique

Previously on BrainDead...

♪ Some kind of meteor came down ♪
♪ No one knows where it's from ♪
♪ They shipped it off ♪
♪ So they could study it in Washington ♪
♪ Guess what? It's filled with space bugs ♪
♪ Now they're loose and eating peoples' brains ♪
♪ Poor Laurel only wants ♪
♪ To make her documentaries ♪
♪ She's out of money ♪
♪ So she works for Luke, her brother ♪
♪ He's a Democratic senator ♪
♪ She listens to constituents complain ♪
♪ Gareth is working for ♪
♪ Red Wheatus who is a senator ♪
♪ A Southerner, Republican ♪
♪ A drunk ♪
♪ Government is shutting down ♪
♪ Until they find a work-around ♪
♪ Deal they make looks like a slam-dunk ♪
♪ But space bugs crawl into Red's brain ♪
♪ And start controlling him ♪
♪ He steals a Democrat ♪
♪ And flips him to Republican ♪
♪ The shutdown happens ♪
♪ And now everybody's mad again ♪
♪ Laurel discovers Scarlett sleeping with her brother ♪
♪ And it looks like Scarlett ♪
♪ Probably has a space bug problem, too ♪
♪ You know your day was lousy ♪
♪ When somebody's head ♪
♪ Explodes on you. ♪

Trump (on TV): I can tell you, they are very ashamed.

Many, many e-mails where she's asking for her job back.

Many of the women have come forward saying, "Honestly, we have great respect for Donald Trump. I like Donald Trump very much."

They should be ashamed of themselves.

Misty: Yep, the Democrats are at it again.

It's day four of the great government shutdown brought to you by your friendly neighborhood Democrat congress.

Many are pointing their fingers at the Republican Party for putting 100,000 government employees out of work.

The only thing to come out of the last government shutdown was a lot of new D.C. babies.

But let's not forget during that previous government shutdown, the U.S. economy lost $24 billion.

Clinton: Well, if fighting for equal pay, paid leave, and Planned Parenthood is playing the gender card, deal me in.

(crowd cheering)

Newscaster: Some congressional candidates have used the shutdown to bring up many...

(grunting)

It's now 9:10 a.m. and time to get an update on weather and traffic in the area.

Highs today are expected to hit 72 degrees.

It is currently 64 and...

(turns off TV)

(door opens)

(door closes)

(crunching)

♪ ♪

Yes?

Am I not patriotic enough for you?

Are you... not...

Because you wear one, and I don't... am I some Godless liberal?

Uh, no, I just... just wear it.

Why are the Republicans trashing the U.S. Constitution?

And why do they want to return to back-alley abortions?

Uh, uh, I don't know.

Did you know that 42% of Denmark's energy comes from wind power?

Should I come back?

(door opening)

(door closing)

Uh, Ms. Healy?

Uh, I'm Anthony Onofrio, FBI criminal division.

Do you have a minute?

Does she have a choice?

Are we living in a fascist state now?

She's a little intense.

(sighs)

I think it's the shutdown.

It's getting to everyone.

Yeah, FBI, too.

So, uh, this is about Dr. Daudier.

I just have a few questions.

Can you tell me what happened yesterday in the ambulance?

(splattering)

Yes, um...

Have you seen the body?

No. Photos.

His head just...

(explosion and splattering)

(gasping)

...exploded.

Did you hear a gunshot?

No.

One of the EMTs said he heard a gunshot.

No, I would have noticed that.

And the driver, was there anything unusual about the driver?

What do you mean?

It's just one of our leads.

You ever met the driver before?

I mean, I don't even know who the driver is.

Ali Wasem.

He's a resident of Front Royal.

Not on any of our watch lists.

I don't think it's about that.

About what?

Terrorism.

Thank you for answering my questions.

Of course.

If you think of anything else, just...

Thank you.

Sure, yeah.

Luke: A handsome guy.

Uh-huh.

He likes you.

That's why all the questions about a dead body.

(chuckles)

Scarlett: Senator?

Democratic caucus in five minutes.

On my way.

It's the first caucus after losing the majority.

You going to be all right?

It's just the usual Democratic bloodletting.

(loud munching)

I something up with her?

No. Why, what do you mean?

She's a little intense this morning.

You two have a fight?

Shut up.

I think she's dieting.

Hey, why don't you head home?

Get some rest, come back tomorrow.

No. I'm good, I can work.

Okay. Well, then, there's two constituents in the waiting room.

Keep them happy.

Laurel: These are really great, Annie.

Annie: Thanks, there's more on my blog.

It's about raising money for cancer research.

We call it Annie's 20/20 Vision.

We visit 20 monuments in 20 days.

Annie: We've raised $43,000, so far.

Wow.

So you're looking for a donation from our office.

No, well, I mean... sure, that would always be great, but...

We're one monument short of reaching our goal.

The Lincoln Memorial, it's closed.

Father: Because of the shutdown.

Uh, we-we just need a picture inside in front of Lincoln to complete the 20.

Have you talked to the Park Service?

Yes, they said no exceptions.

I guess they have some history with shutdowns.

If they do it for us, they'll have to do it for everyone.

We just want to be in there for a minute.

Lincoln's my favorite president.

She knows the whole Gettysburg Address.

Don't worry, I won't do it for you.

Okay.

I'll talk to my brother.

He's an expert at this stuff.

(loud, indistinct conversations)

Luke, you need to man up and accept that this is your fault.

You lost to Senator Spitz, You lost us the majority.

Look, I understand everyone's frustration, but nobody saw this coming.

(loud, overlapping chatter)

You're the whip.

The job is not just counting votes, you're supposed to keep members together.

May I say something, please?

(chattering quiets)

I am delighted to see the members of this caucus get angry.

Finally.

Unfortunately, as usual, our anger is being directed at ourselves.

This is not the time to blame Luke Healy, whose family, may I remind you, has done so much for this party.

This is exactly what the Republicans want.

I say we table a vote on leadership, and go back out there and fight.

(applause)

Thanks, Ella. This is a nightmare.

Don't thank me. What are you doing?

What am I...

To get the majority back, what are you doing?

They must have offered Senator Spitz the moon to betray us.

PAC money, influence, committee chairs... all I know is, some Republican was pushed aside to make room for him.

You'll find out who?

Yes, and offer that person the moon to flip to our side.

It's musical chairs.

Someone over there is without a chair.

I can defend you for a little while, Luke, but at a certain point, the mob needs blood.

So if you have a plan, do it fast.

Laurel: They've been to monuments in all 50 states, and now she's here to see the Lincoln Memorial, but due to the shutdown, it's closed.

Listen, Laurel, you'll be hearing a million stories of heartbreak every day.

You can't let everyone in.

Remember that opera singer I used to date?

How did you do that?

We're suddenly talking about you again.

She told me, when she had to do a sad scene, she couldn't get emotional, because her throat would close up, and she couldn't sing.

If she felt too much, she couldn't do her job.

So you're saying don't feel?

No, I'm saying only feel if it makes you effective.

God... politics.

Are you still in touch with, uh, Wheatus's legislative director?

Gareth? Yeah, yeah, he keeps calling.

I think he feels bad about blowing up the deal.

I want you to come to DoubleSpeak today.

I'm on with Red.

Talk to Gareth in the greenroom.

Let him apologize, make him feel guilty.

You want me to find out which Republican was demoted to make room for the Democrat?

You know, for someone who disdains politics, you don't seem half-bad at it.

Well, he's not going to just tell me.

I know.

You want me to pimp myself out?

No.

Metaphorically.

(scoffs)

Hey, he used you.

He distracted you while Red stole Senator Spitz from us, so use him back.

Look... I need this.

I'm in danger of losing my job.

...we are getting flooded...

The deficit has gone down. Why won't you...?

Senators, we're on the eve of a historic election.

The American people just want you all to work together.

Ronald Reagan and Tip O'Neil were drinking buddies.

What on God's good green earth is the hold up?

Senator Wheatus?

It's simple. The Democrat Party...

It's Democratic.

Well, not lately.

Great zinger, Senator.

Well, thank you. I got a million more.

Luke: Why don't we speak to what's right

with our constituents and the GOZ,

Red: Teeing them up,

Party of Zingers.

and I'll just keep knocking them out...

Luke: You know what this is? It's a temper tantrum...

You know, they say you can judge a person by how fast they return a phone call.

Really?

That's how this works? You take advantage of me...

How did I take advantage of you?

Oh, my God, seriously?

"People are going hungry."

Remember that little speech?

All the time, you were going behind my back to steal a Democratic senator.

I wasn't stealing anything.

Red changed his mind, okay?

Apology accepted.

What?

What apology?

The apology you're struggling with.

Red: Senator Spitz switched parties because he hated wasting American taxpayers money.

No, he switched parties because the Republicans

gave him a chairmanship and PAC money.

No.

Is that what happened?

(crunching)

No comment.

Okay.

Are you going to Tax Prom?

Am I... What?

Going to Tax Prom.

I have no idea what that is.

It's a prom run by tax lobbyists.

Tax Prom.

Hill staffers dress up, get drunk, argue about Paul Krugman, vomit on the sidewalk.

It's pretty fun.

I can't tell if you're being serious.

I'm being serious.

You want to go?

Why are the Democrats being so difficult?

You know the cameras are off, right?

You and your socialist friends can end the pain right now.

Just sit down and listen to our offer.

What offer?

Ah, ha, ha.

Oh, no, no, no.

Tortilla Nights, tomorrow, 9:00 a.m.

We'll lay it out.

Well, it's got to be good.

Oh, it'll be good.

What happened with his legislative director?

Did he say anything?

No.

Hmm.

But he asked me to the Tax Prom.

Attagirl.

(chuckles)

Remember... Annie.

Lincoln Memorial.

I'm on it.

Good.

♪ ♪

Man: No, you're not even looking at the board.

Boom.

Lose.

It's okay to go. Do-do-do-do-do-do.

(sighs)

Check.

You should have castled sooner, Michael.

Ah.

The King's Indian defense.

(laughing)

Nope, sorry.

Checkmate.

Try again. (clicks tongue)

Oscar, you haven't moved a piece yet.

You need to move a piece so that I can move a piece.

That's how... that's how it works.

Um...

Okay, Oscar, I'm gonna...

I'm gonna count down.

Six, five, four... three...

...two...

911!

Someone call 911!

(siren wailing)

(whirring)

I think it might be a diffuse axonal injury.

Are you a doctor, sir?

No, but I read a lot.

Oscar: Aah! They're in my head!

Make 'em stop!

Sir? Sir, I need you to lie still.

(screaming)

They're inside me! Help me!

Distract him. Calm him down.

(panting)

Uh, Oscar, uh, listen to me.

Listen, um, I had you in check.

So don't think that you can distract me.

I know where all the pieces were.

That wasn't check.

Uh, you know it was. King's pawn to D3.

Bishop's pawn... (panting) F6.

No, but you didn't move to F6.

Yes, I did. (chuckles) Oh, Gustav!

Make 'em stop!

Just a little bit longer.

Gustav: Okay, Oscar, queen's pawn to E4.

They're inside my head!

Focus.

Focus on the board. Queen's pawn to E4.

(strained): Pawn...

Which one? Which pawn?

(crying)

Come on, Oscar. You really gonna let me win?

(Oscar groaning)

(screaming)

(boom)

(splashing)

(gasping)

Thanks for coming out during the shutdown.

(applause)

Yeah!

We all need to do something, right?

It's been a great year for tax policy.

Two percent capital gain cuts.

(cheering and applause)

Yeah!

Dependent Care Tax Credit.

That's right. Conforming SECA Taxes for Professional Service Businesses. Yeah.

And now it's time to celebrate.

Are you ready?

(mild affirmation)

Come on! Are you ready for some major tax funk?!

♪ Party people ♪

Yeah!

♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Tag Team music in full effect ♪
♪ That's me, DC the Brain Supreme ♪
♪ And my man Steve Roll'n ♪
♪ Come on ♪
♪ We're kicking the flow ♪
♪ Oh, yeah, come on ♪
♪ Tag Team back again, check its records ♪
♪ Let's begin, party on, party people ♪
♪ Let me hear some noise, DC's in the house... ♪

Ma'am, can I take your picture?

Stacie? Oh, my God.

What the hell are you doing here?

Last time I checked, you were in California getting famous.

I was.

I came back to make some money. What about you?

You had all those amazing photos online.

Thanks. I'm working for...

Roll Call, making some money, too.

Can you believe it? I'm turning into my mother.

(laughs)

Hey, you know who I saw? You won't believe it. Abby.

Abby Summers? You're kidding.

I thought she was whitewater rafting in New Guinea.

In New Guinea. I know.

You've been following her blog, too? She's changed a lot.

I mean a lot a lot.

Come on.

What, she's here?

At the Tax Prom?

Hey, Abby, look who I found.

Laurel, how are you?

Abby, wow.

Look at you.

I know. I was saying the same thing.

I don't usually come to events like this, but work sent me.

Tell her where work is.

Help America Rise Again.

Really?

Isn't that the... right wing group?

If by "right wing" you mean we're right, then... yep. (chuckles)

Look, Laurel, I know you're into Democratic politics, but you have to read the literature.

It makes a lot of sense.

I'll send you some tapes.

Yes, she's sending me some, too.

Abby, uh, on your blog you said you won the Genius Grant last month to-to write your novel.

Yeah, I know.

But why write a novel when the country is going down the drain?

When the American Dream is under attack.

Have you listened to Trump?

(phone ringing)

Ooh. I need to grab this.

It's my boss.

Her parents were Republicans, but I always thought she had rebelled against them.

Stacie, I have to go. I'm meeting someone.

But we should have Abby over sometime. Girls' night.

Yeah, get her drunk. A sort of reverse intervention.

So, you'll talk to her?

Sure.

Good to have you back, Laurel.

♪ I'm amazing, outstanding, demanding, commanding... ♪

There you are.

Here I am.

You look great.

Thank you.

I feel like an idiot.

You don't look like an idiot.

You don't either.

You want to dance?

No, I want a drink.

Exploding head syndrome is very real and very common, but it's not about an actual exploding head.

Infrasound can be dangerous to the body, and there's even been talk of sonic weapons.

But even at 240 decibels, the head could never explode.

Mm...

(click)

♪ ♪

(dance music playing)

Laurel: Have you noticed no one in D.C. drinks anymore?

Every administration's different.

During the Bushes, people went to bed at 9:00.

The Clintons, 2:00 in the morning.

No. No, things are changing.

My friend became a political fanatic overnight.

Last week, she was writing a novel. This week, she's raving about Trump.

And why do I think if she was raving about Hillary she wouldn't be quite so fanatic?

You think I'm more partisan than you, don't I?

I mean "don't-don't you?"

I think you and a lot of Democrats are tolerant of everything but Republicans.

That's because a lot of Republicans are just intolerant.

Am I intolerant?

You're... cynical.

Ooh.

But I don't... Everybody is.

Do you think people in this town were ever idealistic?

Yeah. Reagan.

Oh, God, you're kidding.

I knew that was gonna piss you off.

I think people come here and... they're idealists and then they get it beaten out of them.

Just a little bit every day.

And then they're just... shells of themselves.

But not the people in L.A., right?

I mean, that's where we find the... true idealists.

We don't really talk, do we? We just... (chuckles) contradict each other.

(phone ringing)

I'm sorry. I have to take this.

Don't leave.

Yes, Senator. Hold on.

Oh, he's not gonna be very happy about that, sir.

He already thinks Spitz took his chair.

Well, we don't have anything to give.

No, yeah, no problem. I'll make the call.

Excuse me.

(beeping)

(line ringing)

Woman (recorded): This is the Senate offices of Senator Michael Barneki. We're not in right now, but you can leave a message...

(phone beeps off)

Hey.

He used you.

(beeps)

(phone rings)

Luke: Yeah.

Senator Barneki.

And this is from Wheatus's man?

Yep.

That makes sense. Barneki is a moderate, and Red hates him.

Did Gareth tell you this?

No, he was calling Barneki to do damage control.

Good. We'll get right on it.

Oh, hey, and I'm helping your cancer girl.

My "cancer girl"?

I know. She's a real human being with a real name.

Give me a break. Good job.

(phone beeps off)


♪ This is how we do it ♪
♪ It's Friday night ♪

Let's dance.

♪ And I feel all right ♪

Sure, why not.

♪ The party's here ♪
♪ On the West Side, so I reach for my 40 ♪
♪ And I turn it up, designated driver ♪
♪ Take the keys to my truck ♪
♪ Hit the shore 'cause I'm faded ♪
♪ Honeys in the street say, "Monty, yo, we made it" ♪
♪ It feels so good ♪
♪ In my hood tonight... ♪

Hi, I'm Laurel.

I believe you're next.

Have a seat.

How may I help you, Rochelle...

Daudier?

He was my father.

I'm so sorry.

You were with him in the ambulance?

Yes.

Can you tell me what happened?

They won't release the body, and no one's saying anything.

It's, uh... it's sort of hard to...

The autopsy said he died of tepefactisque sanguinem.

Overheated blood.

I'm not sure I understand. That's not a real thing.

I'm a resident at Mount Vernon, and there is nothing in the blood that has enough power to open a cranial gap.

And that's what happened, right?

I really think you should talk to the police.

Ms. Healy, I work in an E.R.

Anything you have to say, I can take it.

His head exploded?

Was he conscious?

Did he say anything?

What?

He said they were inside him.

(clears throat)

I, um...

I have to show you something. (sniffles)

This is a parasagittal scan of a healthy cranial cavity.

This is what a brain should look like.

A man was brought into the E.R. yesterday.

He collapsed in the park, complaining of severe headaches.

A CAT scan was performed.

What are those?

I don't know.

The nurse thought there was something wrong with the equipment.

We can sometimes get image artifacts related to normal wear and tear.

So she performed another CAT scan.

They're still there.

Yes, but there's something weird.

What?

They moved.

What does this have to do with your father?

This man's head exploded, too.

Good morning.

Good morning, gentlemen.

What a great day.

Hey.

Where are the Bloody Marys, Red?

I'm not drinking but, uh, feel free.

Quite a change for you.

Turning a new leaf.

Woke up one morning and realized my body was a temple.

Now wheat germ shakes, best thing for you.

Read this book, Forever Juice.

I'll send you copies.

What's the offer, Red?

Well... we want the shutdown to end.

There's... there's too much pain.

Agreed.

What's the offer?

Commerce, education and energy.

What about them?

Well, they're wasteful, bloated bureaucracies that hamper the free market.

We'll agree to a budget deal if you agree to cut them.

(Luke laughs)

(laughs): Cut... Wh...?

Are you serious?

It's the best we can do.

You're insane.

On the contrary.

I'm the sanest man in this room.

I can also bench-press more than anyone here.

(laughs)

(slurps loudly)

They have completely gone off the deep end.

Yup.

We can use it.

(camera shutter clicking continuously)

(door closes)

(camera shutter continues clicking)

♪ ♪
♪ ♪

(quietly): Uh-oh.

(phones ringing)

Grace, what's overheated blood?

Man: I have no idea.

Grace?

She's been furloughed.

The government shutdown.

I'm your temp, Butch.

Oh.

I thought Public Safety was exempted.

You're exempted. We're non-essential personnel.

By the way, there's someone here to see you.

I think she said her name was Laurel.

Healy?

Could be.

Do you want me to ask?

Uh, no, just-just give me a second.

Ms. Healy.

Hi, uh, what a surprise.

I'm sorry to just drop by, but the switchboard wasn't letting me through.

Non-essential personnel.

Thank you, Grace... Bruce.

Butch.

(chuckles)

Oh, no, that's okay.

I have to get back to work anyway, but I have something.

You said to call if I had something.

Yeah.

Someone else died in the same way as Dr. Daudier.

Really?

In a CAT scan machine at Mount Vernon Hospital.

How do you know this?

Daudier's daughter is a resident there, Rochelle Daudier.

I would talk to her.

Yeah, thanks, I will.

Uh, Rochelle?

Yes.

And... that's it.

With the switchboard, if you have any more trouble, here's my cell number.

Luke (on TV): The single most important job a senator can do is take care of his constituents.

Thank you.

Sometimes they call or e-mail.

Annie was a walk-in.

You okay?

All she wanted to do was take a picture

Yeah, yeah, thanks.

at the Lincoln Memorial before she died, that's all.

Oh, come on.

But the Republicans have prevented this courageous young lady from fulfilling that wish.

Monarch: Social media has blown up with support for "Shutdown Annie."

That wasn't the point, so you could get some political advantage out of her.

Well, that wasn't your point.

Do you think the Republicans would go any easier on us?

Luke.

Scarlett, can you give us a minute?

I brought her to you so you could help her, not help yourself.

The fact that I'm using someone politically doesn't mean I don't care.

I do care.

I care enough that I don't just want to win this for Mary.

I want to win this...

Wait, who's Mary?

Whatever her name is.

Annie.

Her name is Annie.

I... I lost my cadence there.

I want to win it for all Annies.

It's not either or. It's the language of politics and I'll tell you right now, Red Wheatus is going insane and trying to figure how to get Annie into the Washington Memorial with a photo op.

That is being effective.

I love you.

Misty: This can, of course, be seen for what it is, a cynical ploy by the Democrats.

Then again, that little girl and her story, will undoubtedly touch many hearts.

We need to neutralize this thing fast.

Get me everything you can on that girl.

Turn it into a positive, sir.

Take her to the Lincoln Memorial.

That's the old way. No, no, no, no, no, no.

We need to show the Democrats that we mean business.

They bring Cancer Girl.

We bring a knife.

You get me that knife.

(laughs) You were falling down, and we tried to carry you.

No. That was not me. That was Abby.

No, it was you. Abby, get over here.

Well, I did. I left word for him...

Defend your honor.

I left word for you Thursday, but I have not heard back.

What happened to the clog dancing documentary anyway?

I couldn't get the money to finish it.

God, that was fun.

I thought there wouldn't be a frame in focus, the way you were drinking.

Abby: Will do, sir. Okay.

Are you gonna say something?

Abby: Uh-huh. Okay, sir. Bye-bye.

Yeah, if you are.

Sorry. Work.

No problem. Red or white?

Oh. I'm okay. No wine for me.

I'm on a cleanse. You guys should really try it.

Wheatgrass and beets.

It's from this book, Forever Juice.

It's amazing.

I thought Laurel was the one out in California, not you.

Hey, did you guys read that Wall Street Journal editorial this morning about the shutdown? (laughs)

Devastating takedown.

It was hilarious. (chuckles)

Laurel: Yeah.

Abby, why'd you give up your Genius Grant?

I would've killed for one of those.

Ugh, I don't know. I read the novel.

I didn't think it was very good.

And I needed money.

And the world is so out of control.

Yeah, but Help America Rise?

"Again."

They are trying to turn things around.

Where is this coming from?

(scoffs)

I really don't like the way Democrats always treat political differences like the opposition has to be insane.

Yeah, but giving up your Genius Grant...

I mean, it-it's just... it's such a weird change.

Why?

You're the one who's back in D.C. working for her brother.

You're the one who hasn't completed a single documentary since college.

Laurel's just saying that...

No, I know what she's saying, but I've always had to fend for myself.

No family money to rely on.

No senator brother giving me a job.

And what is the problem with me taking responsibility for my life?

I don't want to be 40 years old and looking back on my life...

Abby... what's wrong?

I have to get home. Sorry.

(door opens, closes)

Man: I've been a Republican my whole life.

Luke: It's a game of musical chairs, Senator, and you just lost your chair.

It's not the same party anymore, Senator.

Our two sides used to work together. Like...

All: Ronald Reagan and Tip O'Neill.

They were drinking buddies.

But look at you here. I mean, look at these offices.

You come to us, and you'll get the best office on the floor.

What else?

You can have the gavel.

And $12 million in PAC money.

And who do you think will be president?

Ella: Or you can stay a Republican, and Red will run someone against you from the right.

That's what happens to moderates now. You know that.

(sighs)

Luke: We did it!

Laurel, we flipped him!

Your information was good!

Laurel isn't here, Senator. Is everything all right?

It sure is. We turned Barneki. He's crossing the aisle.

That's great. We'll have the majority again.

Damn right. Got to love this game.

What are you doing?

It was great.

He just crumbled.

Did you tell him what happened to moderates?

Yeah. We have a press conference tomorrow morning to announce it.

I can't wait to see the Republican faces.

(chuckles)

You all right?

Yeah.

Mmm?

Mmm. Kiss me.

Mmm.

Um, Scarlett, am I hurting you or...

No, more.

It feels so good.

So good. Here.

Okay. We really don't need to be doing this.

No, I want to. Look, watch.

(exhales)

See?

Doesn't that feel good?

Mmm, baby, how's that?

(gags)

Laurel talked to you, didn't she?

What?

My sister talked to you.

No.

She made you feel guilty. She talked to you about my wife.

I want to pleasure you.

What?

(scoffs)

Wait.

I want you now.

(upbeat fiddle music playing)

(rhythmic clapping)

(whooping, cheering)

Woman: Go, Abby!

(music and clapping continue on video)

(phone beeps, line ringing)

Abby: Hi, this is Abby. Leave me a voice mail.

(beeps)

Call me, Abby. Um...

I think I need to apologize.

(knocking)

It's Laurel.

(phone beeps off)

(knocking)

What did you say to Scarlett?

What did...

About what?

About Scarlett... being with me.

Being with you? Oh, is that what they call infidelity now?

What did you say, Laurel?

I didn't say anything. Why would I?

Because you're my sister and you like to meddle.

Luke. I have a life.

It's my life. It consumes my time.

Yes, and yet you always seem to have time to criticize my life.

When have I ever criticized?

High school. Tammy Bixby.

Oh, my God, are you talking about Pixie?

Yes, I criticized you because Pixie was sleeping with every guy in school, and I'm...

Oh, you know what, I'm done being assaulted tonight.

Can I just go to bed?

Just leave Scarlett alone, okay?

Wait a minute.

Why do you think I talked to Scarlett?

Oh, my God, you're sleeping with her again.

No, I wasn't. Clearly, I wasn't.

Oh, because she didn't want to?

No. Look, I'm-I'm going now.

Luke, you're married.

Germaine loves you.

Good night.

This was fun.

Misty: The 12-year-old has since been dubbed Shutdown Annie.

But rumors surfaced earlier today of her father's classes at UDC where he has taught that Abraham Lincoln was, in fact, gay.

(laughing)

This is the rubbish we teach...

Gareth, get in here.

This is you. (laughs)

Luke: Oh, my God.

They think Lincoln was gay?

That has nothing to do with wanting to get in to see the monument.

Monarch: According to neighbors, Mr. Henry Leafton and his daughter sued the school district over the use of the pledge of allegiance in her class.

Oh, good, an atheist, too. Sure, why not?

Misty: ...no reaction from the Democrats yet about Atheist Annie, but some have wondered why they are continuing to play political games instead of sitting down with the Republicans.

Bring it here.

I can't help but wonder how this is going to play...

You gave me the knife, buddy, and I gutted them from belly to chin.

Yes.

All right, here it comes.

Mm-hmm.

The coup de grâce.

Senator Healy offered me anything I wanted to cross the aisle... appointments, PAC money, even the gavel.

He needs to stop using the shutdown to play games, and make no mistake...

She swallowed it, hook, line and sinker.

Oh...

(grunts)

Yeah. (laughs)

(laughing)

...appointments, PAC money, even the gavel...

Wait, you said he called Barneki.

Barneki was the odd man out.

He did. I saw him...

What?

Nothing.

You were played.

That's what you were thinking.

You got to stay awake, sis.

They're sharks, they'll kill us if they can.

You screwed me.

Laurel. Hey, how are you? Come on in.

You got me drinking and then you fed me a piece of misinformation...

Okay, wait a minute. I wrote a number on a piece of paper...

A number that you faked.

...to see if you'd steal it.

That's all.

You didn't have to steal it.

You're right.

Thanks for the education.

Take care.

(indistinct conversations)

Senator: My friends, this is a fiasco of historic proportions.

We are now the godless, "Lincoln was gay" party.

And we all know who is to blame.

(all clamoring)

May I say something, please?

May I say something, please?

Hey, hey, let her speak.

Hey. Let her speak.

I have been patient.

We all have.

But I now call for a vote to remove Senator Healy as whip, and I put myself forward as a candidate to replace him.

(applause)

Man: Great idea.

(shouts of agreement)

Hi.

I work for Senator Healy and he said I could access the monument tonight.

Uh, the government's shut down. No one gets in.

What's your name?

Stan. Good.

Senator Healy's looking to make some budget cuts to the security payroll...

That's not gonna work, ma'am.

Would you please move along?

I'm sorry, I just did not have a good day.

Okay, here's the thing: a young girl with cancer traveled across the country to see all the major monuments, and this is the last one.

She's a fan of Lincoln and all she wants is her picture in front of him.

Okay?

Ten minutes.

Seriously?

Ten minutes.

Wow.

Yeah.

It's pretty cool, isn't it?

I've never been here.

Can you believe that?

I've lived here my whole life and I've never been here.

I'd come here every day.

Henry: Hey, you two.

"We here highly resolve that: these dead shall not have died in vain... that this nation, under God..."

Henry: Not under God.

Dad, please shut up.

"...shall have a new birth of freedom... and that the government of the people, by the people, and for the people shall not perish from the earth."

What happened to everything?

Why does nobody think that way anymore?

They probably do, they just don't like talking about it.

Things were just as bad when Lincoln was president.

People need to not just give up.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

(phone rings)

(sighs)

(phone beeps)

Hello?

Hi, Abby. You caught me off guard.

Is this a bad time?

No, no, it's fine...

I'm just getting back from the Lincoln Memorial and it was amazing.

I thought it was just a tourist thing.

I don't think I've been since high school.

I know.

It was kind of... inspiring.

Listen, you were right, I was totally out of line the other night, and I'm so sorry...

I shouldn't have said all that.

I mean, I know who you are.

Maybe I was jealous.

I'm sorry.

It's this town.

I hate this town.

And I don't, at the same time.

You know what?

Do you want to come over now? I was just making some tea.

Tea sounds good.

Maybe a rain check.

Okay.

I'll text you, Laurel.

Great. Okay.

Bye.

(doorknob rattling)

Stacie: Abby?

(laughing): I can't open the door.

Don't worry.

It'll be over in a minute.

(rattling continues)

Abby.

There's something in here.

Abby!

Abby!

Abby!

Get me out of here!

Abby, there's bugs in here!

Help me!

("You Might Think" by The Cars playing loudly)

Abby!

(sobbing): Abby!

Abby!

(music drowning out screams)

♪ ♪

(sighs)