07x17 - Lynch Party

[bunniefuu]

Hey. How was your flight?

Oh, just the typical run
to Boston.

Oh, no.

Oh, no!
What?

Well, you asked me
to pick up

our monogrammed towels;
I completely forgot.

Oh, that's okay.

We can get them anytime.

I sure like
that you care, though.

Um... you know

business is
really slow today.

Really?

How slow?

Real slow.

It's dead.
Oh, yeah.

My business is so slow,

I had to cancel flights
for the rest of the day.

You're not just
teasing me, are you?

No. If things
keep on like this,

I might have to fire Fay.

So... if we both have
time on our hands

what do you want to do?

My office. Two minutes.

I'll get rid of Roy.

Okay, Roy,
what do you want?

Hmm...

Let's see.

What to have.

What to have...

How about the usual?

Uh... well...

Okay.

Okay. Chili coming up!

But you know...

I have chili every morning.

Um...

I'm in the mood
for something different

something... exciting.

Yeah, so am I, so
let's get on with this.

I know. I'm going to go
with the Nanturkey burger.

You got it.

But you know...

maybe what they say is true:

"Stick with your first choice."

I'll have the chili.

Chili coming up.

Oh, Helen, what's the matter?

(sobbing):
We're out of chili.

What to have,
what to have...

Did I ask about the chicken?

Ten minutes ago

and you said-- and I quote--

"It's just not a chicken day."

You know, I think I know
what the problem is.

What, Roy?

I'm just not hungry.
I had a big breakfast.

See ya.

Hey, Helen.

It can wait, Casey.
Sure it can.

You know that guy you
were engaged to?

His name was
Davis Lynch, right?

Right, right, right.
Okay, listen to this.

"American financier
Davis Lynch

"was released yesterday
after spending 16 months

under house arrest in Rangoon
following a m*llitary coup."

What?

"Upon leaving the palatial
32-room seaside villa

"where he had been confined,

"Mr. Lynch said he hoped
no American would ever

"have to endure the barbaric
treatment that he did.

"He then bid a tearful
farewell to his house staff

Lupar, Kupar and Mupar."

Oh, gosh.

I've got to get
to New York and see Davis.

Why?

Because... I never...

Never what?

Nothing.

I've already said too much.

Roy, I need a ticket

on your next flight
to New York.

Well, what is the rush?

Uh, no rush.

Davis Lynch was
under house arrest

in Rangoon and she's
on her way to see him.

The ticket.

ANTONIO:
Helen?

Helen, I was at
the Western Union office

wiring my parents the better
part of my weekly pay

which it is my honor
to do (coughs), and, uh...

this cable
came for you.

Did you hear?

Davis Lynch was under
house arrest in Rangoon...

And Helen is on her way
to New York to see him.

Oh!

Davis is on his way here
to see me.

I've got to get Joe out of here

before he comes.
Why?

Because I can't let Joe know
that I never...

ALL:
Never...

what?

Never mind.

Joe?

Finished!

Oh...

I love this.

You, me, the middle
of the day.

Joe, I need you to do
something for me right away.

Ditto.

Listen, you know...

Joe, I've been thinking

and I really want
those monogrammed towels now.

Huh? Oh, okay.

I'll get them the next
time I go to Boston.

No. No!

I need you to get out
and get me those towels now.

Now?

You want me to fly to Boston
just to pick up some towels?

Just some towels?

They're not just some towels.

Those are...

monogrammed towels...

with initials on them.

Our initials.

Big "H", little "J", little "H".

Those towels are a symbol.

A symbol of what?

A symbol...

Well, if I have
to spell it out to you

then what's it
all about, baby?

Helen, I have urges.

Can't this wait an hour?
Half an hour?

(panting)

We can take care of this
in three minutes.

Joe, if you love me
and you care about us

and care about building
our lives together

you'll get on the damn plane
and get me my towels!

Big "H", little "J"...

All right, all right.

I'll go and get
the towels

but I just want
to tell you one thing.

Right now...

little "J" is
not very happy.

Where you going?

Apparently, I'm flying
to Boston

to pick up
some monogrammed towels.

I'm going to Boston.
I'll pick them up for you.

I love you, man.

No!

It's got to be Joe.

He's my husband.

Those monogrammed towels mean
nothing coming from you!

Why are you
so full of hate?

Helen, do I really
have to...?

Have a good flight.
Bye-bye.

Oh, gosh.
What am I going to do?

What am I gonna say?

What's with her?

Davis Lynch was under
house arrest in Rangoon.

And she was on her way
to New York to see him.

But now he's
on his way here

to see her, so
she's freaking out.

Why?

Because she never...

She never... what?

(chuckles)
That's what we
want to know.

"Never" what, Helen?

Yeah, never what?

Yeah, what's going on?

What is it
that you "never"?

Okay.

I never broke off
my engagement with Davis,

and he's on his way here
to marry me.

(all gasp)

Wait, wait.
I don't get it, Helen.

How could you still
be engaged to Davis?

You're married to Joe.

Well, that's why they call it
a problem.

So you never broke it off
with him?

I thought you did it
that night

that Joe proposed to you
in that elevator.

That's the story
you told us.

Well, I never told you
the whole story.

Mmm...

Joe, we're here.

Where?

Davis's floor.

I've got to go in and
break the news to him.

Okay, okay.

I'll go with you.
Joe!

A girl doesn't bring her fiancé
with her to dump her fiancé.

I was brought up
better than that.

What am I going
to say to him?

Well, how about,
"All those who think

"they're marrying Helen take two
steps forward.

Not so fast, Lynch."

Okay, all right, all right.

Look, I really...

I really do
feel for the guy.

I'll just wait downstairs.

Thank you for being
so sensitive.

Davis, dear Davis...

sometimes in life things happen
that we don't plan.

I never meant to hurt you.

I'm sorry,
but I can't marry you.

(rapidly):
Davis, dear Davis...

sometimes things happen in life
that we don't plan.

I never meant to hurt you.

I'm sorry,
but I can't marry you.

Davis...

Helen!

Oh, Helen!

I'm so glad you're here.

Davis, dear Davis...

Oh, that's not it.

You know...
when you were late

I actually started wondering
if you were having

second thoughts
about getting married.

Oh, no.

I'm getting married.

Oh, of course we are!

But right now,

it's time to start
celebrating.

Davis, dear Davis...

sometimes in life
things happen...

And thank God they do!

You know, for years
I was wondering

if I'd ever find
the right person.

To tell you the truth,

my family was getting
a little nervous.

I mean, look at me.
I'm in my 30s,

I'm still single.

Let's face it, there was talk.

Well, this ain't going
to shut them up.

Before yesterday,

if somebody had asked me
if I was happy

I'd have said, "sure."

But being here with you now

I realize
that my life began

the moment you said
you'd marry me.

Champagne?

You bet.

Helen, you might want
to pace yourself a little bit.

Davis...

dear Davis...

sometimes in life
things happen

that we...

Are they here for me?

Nah. I do this instead
of television.

(laughing):
Of course they're
here for you.

I want this to be

the most memorable night
of our lives.

Oh, it's going to be.

Um... Davis...

(clears throat)

(loudly):
Dear, dear Davis,

sometimes in life

things happen

that, um, we...

Take five, boys.

Why don't you go wait
in the library

with the horn section?

Davis, you have
to listen to me.

There's something
that I have to say.

Well, sure, honey.
Oh, wait a second.

Come here,
come here, come here.

(laughing):
It's almost time.
Come here.

All right,
you see Times Square?

Mm-hmm.

Well, keep your eyes
on the electronic billboard.

Three, two, one...

"Helen, you're my love.
You're my life.

"You're my everything.

Knicks trounce Bulls..."

No, no, no,
just the first part.

Well, sweetheart,
what do you think?

Davis...

Davis, dear Davis...

sometimes in life
things happen...

ALL:
Surprise!

When my family found out
that we were getting married

they insisted
on meeting you immediately.

Oh, good.

Helen, I would like you
to meet my mother.

Hello. I'm Mavis.

You don't know how long
I've waited for this day.

Welcome to our family.

Oh, Mavis,
dear Mavis...

And this...

is Grammy Lynch.

Hello, Grammy.

She's got a little surprise
for you.

This ring...

is the one that my grandfather
gave her when they got engaged.

She wants you to have this.

No, no, no,
I could not do that.

Okay.

Now, Grammy, come on!

Come on, now.

Come on, we had a deal.

No, Davis, really, I can't...

Yow!

Whoo!

Boy, you got to love
a rock like that, huh?

Hey! I just had
the most amazing idea.

Why don't we get
married right now?

What?

We're here. Why not?

My whole family's here.

You couldn't swing
a dead cat in this room

without hitting a judge.

Come on, what do you say?

What do I say?

Um...

what do I say?

Helen!

Oh, my goodness!

Is she all right?!

Helen, what is it?

Grammy, keep your hands
off that ring!

Everybody, come on,
give her some air.

Give her some air.

Helen...
Helen, are you all right?

Am I all right?

No.

I'm not all right.

I have a condition.

What are you talking about?
What condition?

It's, um...

Faulkner's syndrome.

It's one of your
really bad syndromes.

Um... trust me.

You don't want to marry someone
with Faulkner's syndrome.

Or as we call it,
the big "F."

Helen, nothing on earth
is gonna stop me
from marrying you.

I'll get you the best doctor
in the country.

No. See, I've already seen
the top Faulkner man...

Doctor, uh... Dickens.

He's the top Faulkner man,

and he says that it's hopeless.

Helen, nothing is hopeless.

Not where love is concerned.

Davis, it's a call
from your office.

Mom...

They say
it's urgent, dear.

Yes?

What?

Oh, my God.
When did this happen?

I...

Yes, of course.

Helen?

Hm?

This is gonna sound crazy,

but I have to leave for Burma
immediately.

What?

I have an enormous amount
of money invested in Rangoon.

And if I don't get there right
away, we could lose everything.

Oh, okay.

Now, don't you worry.

As soon as I get back...

I'm going to get you
a specialist.

We're going to b*at this...
Faulkner's thing.

I swear.

I don't even have
time to pack.

They're sending a chopper
to take me to the airport.

I'll call you as soon
as I get back.

Helen...

I love you.

Yeah, yeah.

Back off, Grammy.

And then he left, and
I never saw him again.

So he doesn't know about Joe?

Well, I was going to tell him,
but he never came back.

He's gonna be
here any second.

How are you gonna
break the news to him?

I don't know.

I mean, do you have any idea
how much this man loves me?

I mean, the thought
of marrying me

was probably the only thing

that kept him alive
all those months.

My, don't we think
a little bit of ourselves.

What am I going to do?

Well, I'm not just saying this
because Joe's my brother,

but, um...

I really don't think
you should marry this guy.

Hey, what's the matter
with you people?

You're missing the real point.

I mean, nobody has asked
the important question here.

What happened
to that big-ass ring?

Oh, right, the ring.

You kept it
in the cash register?

I couldn't very well
keep it at home.

(whistling)
Joe would have found it.

Oh... you're a pretty
little ring, aren't you?

Yes, you are.

You want to come
home with me?

You do? Okay.

Give me that.

I just figured out
what I'm going to do.

What?

I'm going to get the hell
out of here.

Helen?

Davis.

Oh, dear... Davis.

Helen...

Hello.

God, I thought I'd
never see you again.

I read what happened
to you in the paper.

Are you all right?

It was really terrible.

I wasn't free to leave.

I wasn't allowed
outside contact.

And for the last
three months

I think the chef was just
going through the motions.

Hey, Hackett.

Nice to see you.

How's your brother?

Great. He's married now.

Oh?

Great girl.
You'd love her.

We need to talk in private.

There's so much
I have to tell you.

There's so much
I have to tell you.

You might want
to let her go first.

Wow.

It's been so long since
I've seen you, Davis

I don't know where to begin.

Well, I do.

You're even more beautiful
than I remember.

Oh, Davis...

Oh, you poor thing.

One second we're at
our engagement party,

and the next I disappear
off the face of the earth.

Oh. Hey, you were captured
in a m*llitary coup

and held prisoner
for 16 months

in a foreign country.

It happens.

It was k*lling me

to think that you didn't
know where I was.

It must have
been hell for you.

Well, it was hell-ish.

What did she say?
What did she say?

Shh. It was hellish.

What was that?

It was hellish.

What?

It was hellish.
Hey.

She said it was hellish.

What's hellish?

(all gasping)

Casey lost an earring.

We can't find it.

And it's hellish.

I've got a flashlight in
my office if that'll help.

Oh, here it is.
Oh, I got it.

No, I got it.

The earring.

Hey, listen, what are
you doing back here?

We thought you
were in Boston
looking for towels.

Oh, they weren't ready.

What do you mean,
"they weren't ready"?

It was just
a misunderstanding.

It's not even worth
talking about.

Not worth talking about?

I mean, they're your towels.

My sister and
brother-in-law's towels.

My brother and sister-
in-law's towels.

My friend's towels.
My good friend's towels.

We want to hear
the whole story.

Well, I will tell you.
Just let me put my...

No, no, no.

We want to hear
it right now

while it's still fresh.

Yeah, we don't want to miss any
of the colorful details.

Well, actually, it's
a very interesting story.

Did you know
that terry cloth...

comes in four
different weights?

Four weights? Get out.

I couldn't
believe it either.

You're a remarkable
woman, Helen.

You waited for me
all this time.

Oh, I'm not that remarkable.

Davis, dear Davis,

sometimes in life
things happen...

Yes, they do.

Things happen
that we don't plan.

Exactly.

I am sorry...

Helen, I can't marry you.

You can't marry me?

I know this is a shock,
but I've met someone else.

You can't marry me?

No.

In fact, this woman and I,
well, we're engaged.

You can't marry me?

Helen, we need
to get past that part.

Wasn't it the thought of me
that kept you alive
all those months?

Well, it did for the
first... couple of weeks,

and then I
met Caroline.

Oh! How could you?

We were engaged.

Haven't you ever heard
of self-control?

Well, I admit it.

I'm not as strong as you.

Well, that's for damn sure.

So, who's the bimbo?

She's a cultural attache
for the State Department.

She risked her life, crawling
through sn*per-infested jungles

just to secure my release.

There's always someone
better, isn't there?

Doesn't this ring
mean anything to you?

Right. The ring.

Uh, look,
this is embarrassing

but I'm going to have
to ask for that back.

Fine. Take it.

I don't want it anyway.

It's stuck.

Here, let me help.

Help?

My God, haven't
you done enough?

So, instead of having

big "H", little "J",
little "H"

they had big "J"

little "H",
little "H".

That's outrageous!

Of all
the incompetence.

Well, I guess it's time
to face the music.

Where's Helen?

Well, she's not
in the office,
that's for sure.

Uh, she's in the kitchen.

In here.

Relax, Davis,
I'll get it off.

I'll just go in the kitchen
and get some butter.

No, no, no, you can't
go in there.

Why not?

Anybody?

Well, because
we... we...

we spilled a cup
of "joe" in there.

ANTONIO:
That's right.

While we were eating

sloppy (coughs)
"Joes" in there.

Davis, there's
no need to hold you up.

I'll just get the butter,
slide this baby off

and pop it in the mail.
Hey, hey, Helen,

you don't just pop a 6.5
carat diamond in the mail.

Oh, right.

Roy, come here.

Oh, there.

Here.

Have a nice life.
Good-bye.

I understand
how you feel, Helen.

Well, she's not
in the kitchen.

Oh, Helen,
there you are.

Hi, honey.

Listen, I got
some really bad news.

Oh?

It's about the towels.

Helen, I can't let it
drop like this.

Lynch?

Hackett?

What are you
doing here?

I came here
to see Helen.

Why would you come
to see Helen?

Well, actually,
that's between me and her.

Well, actually, no, it's not.
She's my wife, so...

Your wife?!

Helen,
what's going on here?

Yeah, Helen, what
is going on here?

Faulkner's!