- ♪ Timmy is an average kid
♪ That no one understands
♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪
- Bed, twerp!
- ♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪
♪ Is broken instantly
♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪
♪ 'Cause in reality
♪ They are his oddparents
♪ Fairly oddparents
- Wands and wings.
- Float-y crown-y things.
- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪
♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪
- Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice,
Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake!
- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪
♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪
♪ With fairly oddparents
- Yeah, right.
- Oh, cosmo, you left the ice cream out last night,
And now it's all melted.
- That's weird.
Then what did I put away in the freezer?
Oh, right.
Wanda.
Boy, will she be mad at me
When she thaws out in to hours.
[Ice cream truck jingling all around the mulberry bush]
- Yes! I can finally get some ice cream.
All I need is ¢ for a cone.
But I don't have any money.
Well, there's always change in the couch.
- You snooze, you lose, loser.
This couch money is mine!
[Yelling]
Give me whatever I can get
With a canadian nickel and two buttons.
- Being broke stinks.
I wish for a money tree
So I can buy all the ice cream I want.
- I don't know, timmy.
I think wishing for money may be forbidden.
I may have to check the rules.
- Go ahead.
I happen to have a copy of the rules right here.
- Wait a minute.
This looks like a cookbook.
- Why do you say that?
- 'Cause the title is
Lack toast intolerant: gluten free breakfasts.
- Uh, that's just how you say "the rules" in swedish.
- I knew that.
I was just playing dumb.
It's the only game I ever win.
- Cool, a money tree.
Now I have enough change to buy ice cream
Or my own island.
- Darn it.
I only had enough money
For a handful of hot fudge.
It burns, timmy!
Whoa.
Who says money doesn't grow on trees?
I'm rich!
Look, timmy!
I'm raking it in.
I'd rake harder, but my hand is b*rned.
[Both slurping happily]
- [Sobbing]
- Hey, jorgen.
Shouldn't you be at work?
- Only people who have jobs can go to work.
I was fired, thanks to you.
- What?
How is that myfault?
- You violated the rules
With your money tree wish,
And I didn't catch it in time!
The fairy council took away my job,
My wand, and my corporate housing.
At least they didn't take my corporate coffee mug.
Hot coffee!
It burns!
- It's time for dinner, timmy.
Oh, hello.
Who's your beefy buddy?
- This is jorgen.
He's our, uh, new interior decorator.
I won a decorator
For selling the most squirrely scout cookies.
- You're a decorator?
Oh, I've always wanted this house
To have more of an open-air feeling.
- You got it, toots.
Now, where is your burn cream?
- [High-pitched scream]
- Oh, this hole needs curtains.
I'll go buy them
With this basket of wallets I picked.
- What am I going to do, turner?
I loved my job.
It involved everything I was good at--
Barking orders,
Standing dramatically over people
And unleashing fits of uncontrollable anger.
- Well, I feel bad for getting you fired, jorgen.
I'll help you look for a new job.
- Yeah, and in the meantime, you can stay in our fishbowl.
- Thanks, guys.
It's great to know you are there for me
After you ruined my life.
What?
The logical thing for me
Is to be a mussel.
[Yells, grunts]
- Boy, wanda's gonna be so angry
When she defrosts.
- [Yells]
[Raccoons chattering angrily]
Get away from my money tree, raccoons,
And stop pelting me with my own loose change!
- Hey, turner.
You must have some pretty rich soil
To grow such an impressive tree.
You mind if I perch this nest of orphaned baby birds
I rescued in there?
- Are you crazy?
This isn't a bird hotel.
It's a money tree!
Perch your dinklebirds somewhere else.
- Okeydokey, neighbor.
[Raccoons chattering angrily]
Ow!
[Yells]
- Okay, jorgen.
I think I found you the perfect job.
You're gonna like being a personal trainer.
- I am kind of digging
That people pay me to yell at them.
- [Exhales, winces]
[Whistle blaring]
- Denzel crocker,
I'm going to whip you into shape.
Any shape is better than the one you're in.
- Anything to impress the ladies--
Or at least get them to stop pointing and giggling.
- Oh, please.
I'm a personal trainer, not a magician.
Now let's get you ripped!
- [Grunts]
We definitely ripped something.
- You're welcome.
Pay at the desk.
- You're fired!
- Okay, jorgen.
You've got a new job.
Let's hope it goes better than the last one.
- It is not my fault mr. Crocker sued the gym for $ million.
- Who needs a spine?
I'm rich.
[Yelps] oh, not fair!
- Don't worry, turner.
I have got this usher thing down.
Hello.
Oh, you will love this movie.
The butler did it.
You'll never see it coming.
I saw it coming,
But you don't look too bright.
- I'm never coming here again.
- You're fired!
- [Sobbing]
- Oh, boohoo.
You lost a soccer game.
I lost my job
And had to become a school counselor
To ninnies like you!
Man up, susie!
- [Sobbing]
- You're fired.
- It's the perfect plan.
[Electricity crackling]
- Those money-grubbing raccoons
Won't be able to get past my new security system.
[Stomach rumbling]
I'm so hungry.
I've been guarding my money tree for so long, I forgot to eat.
Oh, a hot dog that looks a lot
Like the bait I left for the raccoons!
[Jittery yelling]
[Raccoons chattering]
Curse you, raccoons!
You'd better not come back for gas money.
Ooh, a hot dog.
[Jittery yelling]
[Both munching happily]
- Wanda, you're thawed out!
Oh, you don't know how happy I am.
Now I can finally change the channel.
- [Angry mumbling]
- Oh, wanda, why so blue?
Well, I guess it's 'cause you were frozen.
Now can you move out of the way?
You're defrosting all over the pepperoni.
- Jorgen, why is the driveway broken?
- You told me to pound the pavement,
So I did.
- "Pound the pavement" means "look for a job."
- I don't want another job.
I want my old one back.
But there's no hope of that now,
Because the fairy council has already replaced me.
- Say what?
With who?
[Twinkling, magical music]
[Trumpeting fanfare]
- I wish whitney was in love with me.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
Wishing for love is against the rules.
Reject!
- [Grunts]
- Your wish for amor is no more, amigo.
So says the handsome juandissimo,
Keeper of the rules.
- You were replaced with juandissimo?
This is great!
- You think it is great?
You're making me want to decorate again.
- No, I mean I've got an idea.
Juandissimo has always had a crush on wanda.
If we can distract him,
We can sneak in some illegal wishes
And make the council think juandissimo
Is worse at the job than you are.
- Okay.
But if you think I'm not serious about the decorating,
You're wrong!
- Wanda, will you help us?
- I'm sorry, sport.
I don't feel comfortable with this plan.
It looks like jorgen's
Just gonna have to live here forever.
- By the way, wanda,
I used your toothbrush to clean the gunk from my boots.
- Okay, I'm in.
- This is me guarding the rules.
This is me guarding the rules
In various tight-fitting outfits.
I could admire my hot latin looks all day,
But I must focus on my job.
- Buenos nachos!
- You just said, "good nachos."
Oh, wanda!
My beauty queen!
[Sniffing]
You smell so delicioso.
- It's eau de taco,
Your favorite, if I recall.
Pavo loco!
- I love it when you call me your crazy turkey.
Is that frostbite on your toes?
I find it very appealing.
- You're so silly.
- [Grunts]
Holy guacamole!
If I did not know any better,
I would say your fan had a tire iron in it.
- Oh, don't be ridiculous.
- Mi querida, why have you come to see me?
- I'm, uh, suddenly attracted to men with power.
Now, how about you join me over there,
Away from the wish monitors?
- Yes, because it's far more romantic over there
By that pipe that leads from the toilet.
[Alarm beeps]
- Okay, cosmo.
It's time to break the rules.
I wish every girl in dimmsdale was in love with me,
That I had straight "a"s in all my classes,
And instead of a money tree, I had a whole money farm.
[Girls screaming]
All: we love you, timmy!
- Yay, my money tree turned into a money farm!
- Oh, no.
The crops are coming in.
I better harvest them
Before those raccoons get back
From their european cruise!
- Rule break. Rule break. Rule break.
- It worked!
- I knew we could trust wanda to distract juandissimo.
I bet she's got him wrapped around
Her frostbitten little finger.
- Kiss me, wanda.
Stop giving me the cold shoulder.
Speaking of which,
Why is there so much cold on your shoulder?
[Dramatic music]
- What took you clowns so long?
I mean--
What is the fairy council doing here?
- Juandissimo? - Que?
- You let timmy turner get away with wishes
That violates the rules.
You're fired!
- Wanda, my love.
I may not have my job, but at least we have each other.
- Carne asada!
Yes, I'm pretty sure
There's a cast iron skillet in there.
[Dramatic music]
- Jorgen von strangle,
You have been reinstated as keeper of the rules.
[Trumpeting fanfare]
- Yay!
I feel whole again, turner.
Thank you for getting me my job back,
Even though it was you
Who got me fired in the first place.
Which reminds me,
I have to get rid of all your illegal wishes.
[Girls screaming]
- I'm okay with the "f"s,
But couldn't you have left the girls?
[Ice cream truck jingling all around the mulberry bush]
- Oh, ice cream!
And I finally have enough change.
No!
- Wanda, my love.
I lost my job and my corporate housing.
Can I stay with you, por favor?
- Of course you can.
Come on, I'll show you to your room.
Here it is.
[Whistling]
- It's cold in here.
I shouldn't have flexed.
I really needed that shirt.
Ay, muy frio.
- Ooh, a hot dog.
[Jittery yelling]
- This is so exciting!
[Crowd chatting excitedly]
- This is chet ubetcha reporting from dimmsdale days,
The annual festival where local residents
Try to turn a profit from their pathetic hobbies.
In unrelated news,
Who wants to buy some seashell earmuffs
Made by a famous reporter?
I can hear the ocean!
Oh, no. Wait.
That's a hermit crab with asthma.
[Hermit crab breathing raspingly]
- I wonder how my mom's doing with her banana bread booth.
- I can't hear you, timmy.
There's a shrimp in my ear.
It's not from the earmuffs.
It's from the cajun food stand.
Thank goodness there's cocktail sauce
In my belly button.
[Munching happily]
- Sport, I think something's wrong
With your mom's banana bread.
[All belching]
- Whoa, mom.
Why are your customers burping up bubbles?
- Well-- and this is just a theory--
Perhaps it's because instead of using bananas in the recipe,
I used banana shampoo.
- Shampoo is poison!
It can have terrible side effects!
- But I use shampoo in everything
Except my homemade shampoo.
I use bananas in that.
- Spark tarts!
Get your spark tarts!
- Oh, dear.
You're right about shampoo
Having side effects.
I'm hearing the dog talk.
- Sparky, these are dog treats.
You can't sell them to humans.
[Munching]
Mmm, oh, yes, you can!
These are delicious!
Hey, everyone, come get your spark tarts!
[Crowd talking]
- I'll buy one.
- These are fantastic.
I love spark tarts!
- Step into my photo booth and let me capture your magic--
I mean, your likeness in a fun photo!
[Sign buzzes]
You're not a fairy. Get out!
- Where's my photo?
- I said get out!
- [Screams]
Hey, mr. Crackers.
Can I get a picture of me
And my new best friend,
This plate of delicious spark tarts?
- Oh, sure, do you want wallet size or--
Get out!
[Sign dings] wait a minute.
There's fairy magic in this spark tart.
I've got to take it back to the crocker cave
For further analysis
And eventually to dunk it in milk.
[Laughing crazily]
Now to see if there's enough fairy magic in this treat
To make a wish.
What will I wish for?
A space laser to annihilate all my enemies?
No, I need to wish for something really useful,
Like dental floss
That won't snap between my teeth.
Ironically, the only way to get the floss out
Is with more floss.
It's a vicious circle!
[Electronics beeping]
- Analysis complete.
Item contains only one millionth
Of the magic required to make a wish.
- Darn it!
That mean in order to make a wish,
I'm gonna need how many treats?
Let's see.
Carry the five, divide by four.
- You need a million, you moron.
- I wanted to add it up myself, computer!
Now, I just have to get
A million spark tarts from turner.
But I can't approach him as me,
So I'll need a-- buh--
Let me think--
- Disguise.
- I would have gotten that one.
I was going through the "d" words in my head!
[Cackles]
[Dramatic music]
Let's see.
The grim reaper?
No, I'll wear that tonight
And scare mother during bath time.
Let's see what other costumes I have.
Hold the phone!
Stereotypical s rich guy!
That's perfect!
Okay, let's get this show on the, um...
- Road.
- I was getting to that!
I was just on the "r" words!
- Wow, sparky.
We really cleaned up selling your spark tarts.
- Oh, timmy!
Can I borrow some money?
I need to buy more spark tarts.
They're fantastic.
- Sorry, dad.
We're all out.
- Then give me back my money, you swindler.
- You know, sparky,
If we went into business together,
We could really make a fortune with those spark tarts,
Or at least make the money back that my dad just took from us.
- I'm in.
But dimmsdale days is over.
Who're we gonna sell them to?
- Hello.
I'm a billionaire
From the s
Who would like to buy a million spark tarts.
I climbed this ladder
'Cause rich people always climb the ladder to the top.
- I'm sorry. Who are you?
- The name's phil therich.
Here's my card.
- "Phil therich, s billionaire."
Wow.
A million spark tarts? Okay.
They're $ each, so it'll cost you $ million,
Mr. Therich.
- Oh-- oh, yeah!
Right! Okay.
I'll be back for the spark tarts in hours.
[Screams]
[Grunts]
- Whoo-hoo!
Sparky, we're gonna be rich.
Poof up your spark tarts.
- I can't poof them up.
It's a special recipe.
We have to bake them ourselves.
- What?
We have to work for $ million?
That doesn't seem fair.
- Don't worry, timmy.
We'll help.
With the right attitude,
We'll be done in no time.
- We're not done!
- Wow, do I hate baking these stupid spark tarts.
- We've been at this for hours
And we're nowhere close to making a million.
Cosmo, how many have we done?
- .
- Hundred or thousand?
- Just .
[Munching]
Make that .
I just ate one.
Ooh, these are good.
[Munching]
Okay, now we have .
Don't worry, timmy.
I got a bunch of magical elves to help us.
- We're not elves.
We're jockeys.
- I'm a baker, not a shrink.
Don't tell me your problems.
Now put on a hairnet and start baking.
[Sign dings]
- We did it, everyone.
A million spark tarts!
[All cheer]
- Wait, what happened to them?
- I ate them, and they were delicious!
- You ate a million?
- Don't be ridiculous, timmy.
Counting the ones I ate at the fair,
I'm only up to ,.
I threw the rest at dinkleberg's stupid face.
- Great. What are we gonna do?
We've only got hours to make a million more spark tarts
And we don't have enough help.
- No problem, timmy.
I got more elves.
- We're not elves.
We're first-graders.
- I would believe that
If I didn't know how deceptive elves can be.
[All snoring]
- We did it!
We made another million spark tarts just in time.
We're gonna be rich!
- Speaking of rich,
It is i, phil therich.
I take it my spark tarts are ready.
They're all yours, mr. Therich.
Just pay us $ million.
- Here you go, $ million bill.
And it's a red one.
- Wait a minute.
This bill has mr. Crocker's face on it.
- That's right, turner!
It's me, cleverly disguised
Behind this monocle the whole time!
And now that I have a million spark tarts,
I can make a wish to annihilate you!
[Screams]
[Grunts]
Swallowed my monocle!
[Laughing crazily]
- I don't get it.
Why does mr. Crocker think he can make a wish
With a million spark tarts?
- Well-- and this is just a theory--
It could be because the secret ingredient
In spark tarts is a pinch of fairy dust.
- What?
Then mr. Crocker really can annihilate me.
Cosmo, wanda, you got to help me!
- Oh, no, they're still knocked out
From baking all night.
[Both snoring]
- Cover your nose when you sneeze, cosmo.
- Come on in, supermodel tatiana.
The water's great!
- Looks like we're on our own, sparky.
- [Snoring]
- Cover your nose when you sneeze,
Supermodel tatiana.
- How am I gonna stop mr. Crocker?
I'm on my own with no magic.
- Oh, timmy?
Oh, I don't feel so good.
- That's it.
My dad ate , spark tarts.
If I can get him to eat one more,
He'll have the magic I need to stop mr. Crocker.
- [Groaning]
Oh, timmy.
I shouldn't have eaten
So many delicious spark tarts.
- No, you shouldn't have.
Now eat one more!
- Whoa, I feel light as a feather.
- Come on, we got to get to mr. Crocker's house.
No time to waste.
[Electricity crackling]
- Ow, hit a power line!
- Walk it off.
- ,,
,,
Million!
- You've got magic.
- Excellent!
Now I can make a wish to annihilate turner
Or I could get rid of that accursed dental floss.
I tried using toothpicks, but those got stuck too.
Or I could wish for corn.
No, wait.
That's what kicked off
This flossing nightmare
In the first place!
[Trumpeting fanfare]
- [Grunts, yells]
- Suck it up.
- You're too late, turner
And that strange, lifeless balloon
That looks like your dad.
I put the magic from those spark tarts
Into a wand!
- [Yells]
- Well, I put the magic from those spark tarts
Into a wand of my own.
- You think you have the upper hand, turner,
But I'm gonna turn the tables on you.
[Grunting]
Oh, those are heavy tables.
Hmm, looks like I actually tipped the tables instead.
No matter!
Now you'll have to take
The long way around.
- That's it?
That's all you got?
- No, I also have a robot spider.
[Robot spider roars]
- Wow, timmy, you have a really weird relationship
With your math teacher.
- [Yells]
- Get him!
- I can't.
I'm blocked by these tipped tables.
[Whimpering]
- Oh, well, I'll just have to use my magic wand
To annihilate you!
- [Yells]
I wish you had no more magic.
- [Yelps]
- I ate a million spark tarts, timmy.
You really shouldn't be shaking me.
[Yells]
[Flatulence]
[Grunts]
- Curse you, turner
And your weird deflating dad balloon.
I promise I'll find another way to destroy you.
But first I need to tip these tables
Back to their upright position.
- Well, guys, everything's back to normal,
And we don't have to worry about any more magic spark tarts.
- Hi, timmy!
- Oh, no!
Mom, did you eat a bunch of spark tarts?
- No, honey.
My purse got caught
On a hot air balloon.
[Electricity crackling] [yells]
I hit a power line!
- Walk it off, mom.
- It's bath time, mother.
09x17 - Jerk of All Trades/Snack att*ck
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Series follows the adventures of Timmy Turner, a 10-year-old boy with two fairy godparents named Cosmo and Wanda who grant him wishes to solve his everyday problems.
Series follows the adventures of Timmy Turner, a 10-year-old boy with two fairy godparents named Cosmo and Wanda who grant him wishes to solve his everyday problems.