01x06 - Quid Pro Woe

[bunniefuu]

In case you're wondering,

I don't hold séances very often.

I can barely tolerate the living.

Why would I want to commune with the dead?

But my mother told me

Goody is the only one that can train me

to control my psychic ability.

The sooner I master that,

the sooner I cr*ck this case.

Sorry.

I didn't mean to interrupt your

Uh, do I even want to know?

I was reaching into the black maw

of death to contact a relative.

Feels very on-brand for you.

You have a relative named Goody?

She was one of the original outcasts.

Been attempting to summon her,

but she seems to be

ignoring my entreaties.

Oh, you thought about

using one of my scented candles?

The aroma of steak tartare is to die for.

Maybe Goody answered you after all.

I doubt she communicates

in magazine cutouts.

You insisted on coming along.

I was fine on my own.

Seems like our wannabe Deep Throat

is already here.

Ew.

What d*ed?

Smells like childhood.

Come on.

Second thoughts.

Why don't I just stay out here?

You know, as a lookout.

Enid?

Whoever you are, show yourself.

Try anything and you'll lose limbs.

Surprise!

Happy birthday to you ♪

Happy birthday to you ♪

Happy birthday, dear Wednesday ♪

Happy birthday to you ♪

I should have known you were behind this.

What part of "no party under the penalty

of death" do you not understand?

I thought my cake design

was pretty inspired.

The pink balloon was my little touch.

Why don't you make a wish?

Wait, it's Latin.

Fire will rain when I rise.

That's not really a wish.

The first part of that

was b*rned onto Nevermore's lawn.

It can't be a coincidence.

Wait, we're never eating that cake,

are we?

Crackstone is coming.

Crackstone is coming.

- Goody.

- You're the Raven in my bloodline.

Wednesday.

I was told you could teach me

how to control my ability.

There is no controlling a raging river.

You must learn to navigate it

without drowning.

Time is not on our side.

To stop Crackstone,

this place you must seek.

Do you always speak in riddles?

Do you always seek simple answers?

The path of a Raven is a solitary one.

You end up alone, unable to trust others,

only seeing the darkness within them.

Is that supposed to scare me?

It should.

Careful, that's my cold shoulder.

Don't blame Thing.

The party was my idea.

Everyone deserves

to be celebrated on their birthday.

I prefer to be vilified.

What happened?

It looked like you were having a seizure.

I wasn't that lucky.

Can I at least get some kudos

for pulling one over on you?

The subterfuge was impressive.

"May your 16th be as sour

and misery-filled as your desire."

"Your ever-doting mother and father."

They asked Thing to hide it

before they left on Parents' Weekend.

Ew! That's so gross.

I would've preferred live squirrels.

While we're still accepting presents

Well, do you like it?

What is it exactly?

It's a snood, silly.

I made it in your signature colors.

And you want to know

what the best part is?

I have one too!

We can wear them together to class.

Oh, Enid, this is far too unique

to wear to something like class.

I suggest we wait for

a more special occasion,

like a funeral.

Oh.

You know, Lucas feels terrible

about what happened at the dance.

Forgive my skepticism,

given his latest act of vandalism.

He had nothing to do with burning

those words onto your lawn.

He's been grounded for the last week.

Fine.

He does his community service here,

and we forget it ever happened.

Yes, well

I'm in your debt, Larissa.

I don't need your gratitude.

Just find the delinquents responsible.

Perhaps start with Lucas's cohorts.

Right after we track down

whatever att*cked the Ottinger boy.

Although all fingers would point

to one of your own students.

Careful, Noble.

My charity has its limits.

In the crypt,

you had another vision, didn't you?

I didn't realize we were

back on speaking terms.

I showed up to your surprise party.

I figured that would have been a hint.

- What did you see?

- Who said I was ready to speak with you?

Still think I'm the monster?

Haven't ruled it out.

When you change your mind

and you want my help,

you know where to find me.

Where'd you get that?

The bracelet, where'd you get it?

Lucas. Nice to meet you.

Bianca.

I know.

Last week at the Weathervane,

my dad said I had to get my act together.

After he left,

this woman in the next booth

told me about

this self-help app, MorningSong.

Said it could help me refocus my life.

Usually I'd call BS

on something like that,

but for some reason

You believed her.

Yeah, and she turned out to be right,

so I signed up.

And they sent me this.

I guarantee MorningSong

doesn't give a damn about your well-being.

They're only interested in your money.

Do yourself a favor. Delete that app.

The more you listen to them,

the more they sink their claws into you.

How do you know?

I just do.

Which is why I'm warning the normie idiot

who ruined my k*ller dress

with his bullshit prank

to not get sucked into MorningSong.

Because you're just the type

they're looking for.

Guessing that's not a compliment.

What do you care, anyway?

I'm trying not to turn into my mother.

She's like the ghost of bitchiness future.

Hey.

I'll be at the Weathervane later,

if you want to stop by.

Maybe we can exchange

notes on self-improvement.

I haven't always been against birthdays.

Each one reminds me I'm a year closer

to death's cold embrace.

What's not to like about that?

Besides, my parents always made sure

my birthdays were memorable.

Happy birthday to you ♪

The perfect surprise.

The perfect cake.

Candy! Candy! Candy!

The perfect party games.

Candy! Candy! Candy!

But now parties

and presents and games, it

it all feels so trivial.

Goody warned me

I was destined to be alone,

and that I would be sorry for it.

Dr. Kinbott.

I haven't seen you

since our session with your family,

which was certainly one I won't forget.

How are things with them?

My mother and I spent

some quality time together.

- Got our hands dirty.

- Gardening?

Grave-digging.

Hmm.

And I managed

to keep my father out of prison.

What brings you here?

Eugene's moms, I'm working with them.

Trauma like this leaves

emotional scars on the whole family.

They had to head home for a few days,

so I promised I'd check in on him.

I'll leave you to it.

Who's Goody?

She's a very distant cousin.

Very distant.

Sounds like she doesn't see you

for who you really are.

She sees more than you know.

I want to assure you I remain as cold

and heartless as the first day we met.

I doubt a cold, heartless person

would be sitting by her friend's bedside

feeling guilt for his condition.

I didn't ask for a free session.

Consider it my birthday gift.

Come in.

This just arrived from London.

Copy of an old death certificate

you requested.

Thanks, Agnes.

Oh, by the way,

has Inez Bloom called again?

You mean about the lights

at the old Gates place?

Couple days ago.

I referred her to the sheriff's office.

I know you're usually a quad kind of girl,

but I've been working on that all week.

Birthday, yes.

Happy, never.

Is there anyone Thing didn't tell?

Well, who do you think delivered the cake?

Yeah, I went with

the 98% dark chocolate ganache

knowing your preferred color palette.

Oh, is that, uh that Enid's gift?

It's perfect if you're fleeing

a w*r-torn country on foot.

Come on. Don't you like a day

that's all about you?

Every day is all about me.

This one just comes

with cake and a bad song.

So, if I asked you out

to a non-birthday, song-free dinner

would that be something

you're interested in?

I have a tight deadline.

Emphasis on dead.

Term paper?

It's about how whitewashing the sins

of our past will come back to k*ll us all.

Oh.

Have you seen that before?

Uh

What's that supposed to be?

Never mind.

Okay, did did I do something?

I just feel like ever since the Rave'N,

you've kind of been ghosting me.

Am I wrong?

Guess I got my answer.

Tall, black, two sugars, to go?

That thr*at b*rned onto

the lawn at school,

it's also etched on the wall

inside Crackstone's crypt.

Don't tell me you've been

digging up more bodies.

There's a connection there. I know it.

I'll put out an APB on the dead pilgrim.

I figured since you no longer have

an old vendetta to obsess over,

you're free to solve some real crime.

Your father and I buried the hatchet.

Maybe you should do the same.

I don't bury hatchets.

I sharpen them.

Sciuri Sciura, Sciuri Sciura ♪

I need your help.

- Don't gloat.

- What, do you want some drawing lessons?

Your line work's a little shaky.

I saw that in a vision.

Do you recognize it?

When did you draw this?

Couple days ago.

I started having those dreams again,

like before.

Was the monster in them?

No, but I could feel it in the shadows.

You know, kind of lurking in my mind.

You know where this is?

Yeah. It's the old Gates mansion.

I pass it when I go running.

Why?

Okay. Listen

After the dance, I just wanted

to forget about you, but I couldn't.

So I started painting

and that's what came out.

I can hear you up there playing.

I can tell how you get lost in the music.

I feel like it's the only time

I get to see the real you.

You're Bianca, right?

Uh, could you do me a favor?

Wednesday forgot this.

Could you give it back to her?

Birthday gift from Enid.

Aren't you her boyfriend?

Definitely not.

Sure, no problem.

I was just leaving anyway.

Didn't think you were

actually going to show.

Me neither.

Took your advice.

Seriously, why are you here?

I didn't think any outcast

would ever speak to me again.

Just wanted someone to talk to.

I feel like we're in the same boat.

My mother showed up last week to remind me

that sirens can never change their scales.

No matter how hard I try,

there will always be people

who look down on me.

My mission is to prove her wrong.

I just figured you could relate.

Most people think

I'll never amount to anything.

And while we're being honest, I haven't

done much to make them think differently.

Why did you trash the dance?

I don't know.

Guess I was angry that my dad

was humiliated on Outreach Day.

Wanted payback.

But then after we did it,

I kind of felt like crap.

I realized I needed to wipe the board,

you know? Start over.

If that makes any sense.

More than you know.

This is

where Garrett Gates lived.

The boy my father

was accused of murdering.

The sheriff told me his family d*ed,

along with their legacy of hate.

But ghosts don't k*ll the living.

Goody showed me this house for a reason.

I need to unlock its secrets,

or die trying.

I need a distraction.

Sheriff, pick up your damn phone,

it's Noble.

Listen, I might have figured out

who's behind all of this.

It's a long sh*t.

I'm gonna have to lay it out for you.

We'll do it over pie at the Weathervane,

just like the old days.

See you soon.

No!

Noble!

Call 911!

Get an ambulance!

He's alive.

Barely.

I'll take you back

after I get your statement.

I already gave it to your deputy.

Blue Cadillac with no license plates.

Yeah, I know.

I want a better one.

What were you doing in the mayor's SUV?

I saw him coming out of the Gates mansion.

The Gates mansion.

What the hell were you doing there?

House hunting.

I overheard the voicemail he left you.

I was intrigued.

Back when the mayor was sheriff,

he used to have a lot of wild theories

on cases that he couldn't solve.

So we'd dissect them over pie,

sitting right back there in that booth.

Most of the time they went nowhere.

Call me old-fashioned,

but when someone is run over on their way

to give the police key information,

it usually means they were onto something.

And all signs point

to the Gates family and that house.

The Gates family.

How? They're all dead.

Every last one of them.

- And I don't believe in ghosts.

- Maybe you should.

How do you end up at the center

of every terrible thing that happens here?

Incredible luck.

As of now, the school is on full lockdown,

and your off-campus privileges

are revoked until further notice.

Wednesday, I just heard

what happened to Mayor Walker.

Are you all right? I I can't imagine

witnessing something like that.

It was on my bucket list.

You can tell the warden

I'm still in my cell.

Principal Weems is

only looking out for your best interests.

You could have been

seriously hurt or worse.

Oh. How goes the novel?

Viper's investigation has been

thwarted on several fronts,

but she's plotting

her next course of action.

Sounds intriguing.

I saw this on my bookshelf

and thought of you.

Mary Shelley wrote it on a dare

when she was only 19.

I know.

She's both my literary hero and nemesis,

and I have two years

and 364 days to b*at her.

Well, I think it's very smart

that you're focusing on literary monsters,

and leaving whatever real ones

might be out there to the authorities.

"No man chooses evil because it is evil."

"He only mistakes it for happiness,

the good he seeks."

Mary Shelley wrote that line

to describe people like Weems,

who do bad things under the guise

of protecting the greater good.

Did she put you up to this?

Encourage me to pursue other interests?

No.

But she will expel you

if you continue to defy her.

So you're only looking out

for my best interests?

Always.

- I think we're a lot alike.

- We aren't.

I don't need your help or your pity.

I already have a mother and a therapist.

That's enough t*rture, even for me.

Hello?

- I've reconsidered your offer.

- My offer?

The non-birthday dinner.

Really? That's great. Um

When are you free?

Pick me up outside

the Nevermore gates at 8:00.

Cut your lights.

Uh Wednesday?

Ty? What did I tell you?

Come on, bud,

steer clear of Wednesday Addams.

She's the kind of girl

who's gonna get you hurt.

Believe me, I know the type.

Is that supposed to be about Mom?

Of course not. That would require you

to actually talk about her.

I can't deal with this right now.

I gotta get to the hospital.

I gotta check on the mayor.

Be home before curfew.

Did you ever even love her?

More than you could ever know.

I've been thinking about

my less-than-enthusiastic response

to your surprise soirée.

And I must admit,

I regret not showing my gratitude

towards you more appropriately.

- You really mean it?

- Take the win, Enid.

If only there were a way for us

to get off campus

and have a little birthday redo.

Just two best friends.

Too bad the school is on lockdown.

Would you look at that full moon

Oh, how about I say I'm about to wolf out

and get a pass to the lupin cages?

And say you volunteered to lock me in.

My deviousness

has finally rubbed off on you.

Thing?

You know what to do, right?

Oh, we should wear our snoods.

Oh, I I believe I left mine at fencing.

Actually, you left yours

at the Weathervane.

Luckily, Bianca brought it back.

Like a monkey's paw.

Jeez!

Let's go.

Uh Uh

Hi. Nice to see you too.

Wait, he's our Uber driver?

Uber driver?

- I thought we were going on a date.

- I thought this was a girls' night out.

There's been a change of plans.

What's up with the weird

matching hoodie scarf things?

Don't ask.

Just drive.

Hey, Wednesday?

Are you guys in here?

I know you're still mad

about the painting,

but I just want to talk

to you for a second.

Where is she, Thing?

Seriously, you wanna go in there?

This place is creepy AF.

I know.

- Okay. This isn't what I signed on for.

- Ditto.

I didn't want to celebrate my birthday

by going to dinner or a surprise party.

I want to do this.

Then you shoulda just said so.

You didn't have to trick us.

If you want to go, you can.

I'm going to go check out the garage.

Let me try.

This is pointless.

Can I try?

Whoa.

Werewolf thing.

This hit the mayor.

Okay. This just took a dark turn.

We need to call Tyler's dad

right freaking now.

Why?

So he can take me back to Nevermore

and get me expelled?

It's not gonna happen.

This is the night I'm gonna die.

Here they are.

The Gates family.

They scrub up well for psychopaths.

There's Garrett,

his outcast-hating father, Ansel,

and you must be Laurel.

They're all long gone.

So the question is,

why did Goody lead me here?

Seen enough?

Who doesn't have a spooky built-in altar

in their family library?

Ours is in the living room.

More seating for year-long

Dia de los Muertos.

They're still warm.

Tyler, you check

the rest of the ground floor.

Enid and I will search upstairs.

We will?

All right, you go left, I go right.

You seriously want to split up? In here?

That is literally how every best friend

dies in a horror movie.

The faster we search,

the sooner you can leave.

Why am I even here?

I know what my mom would say.

"Enid, you're a doormat."

"You're too needy."

"Show some teeth.

Nobody likes a desperate little furball."

Shut up, Mom. Get out of my head!

Wednesday, you need to see this.

The bed's made.

No dust or cobwebs

"LG?"

Laurel Gates.

Looks like somebody moved back

into their old room.

It's not possible.

She d*ed 25 years ago, drowned overseas.

Let's go.

This is officially

the worst girls' night out ever!

Guys! Get out! It's here!

The dumbwaiter. Go!

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

No, not your snood!

Stop.

Oh my God.

What are you doing?

These are the body parts

from the monster's victims.

Come on.

- You okay?

- Since when do you care?

Wednesday, what the hell are you thinking?

We have to go back for Tyler!

The monster's there!

Enid, hold this.

- That thing is still inside!

- You're hurt. Can you walk?

Where'd you come from?

Here.

Take this.

What happened to him?

Thanks, Doc.

Not to make this about me,

but I am having

a full-blown panic att*ck now.

We need to get back

before Weems realizes we've been gone.

What the hell happened?

- This was you, wasn't it?

- Wait, Dad, please. I'm okay.

Sheriff, I understand you're upset,

but I think you need to see something.

It was all here.

The The The body parts

and the blue Cadillac, the altar,

and the bedroom filled with fresh roses.

Yeah, well, it's all gone now.

Somebody cleared this place out

after we left.

Listen, yesterday I told you all signs

pointed to this house, and I was right.

That your justification for almost getting

my son and your friends k*lled? Huh?

Now, you listen to me.

From this point forward,

you are forbidden from seeing Tyler,

and you are forbidden from pursuing

anything to do with this case, understood?

You directly violated my explicit order

and left campus during a lockdown.

Not to mention putting your peers

and yourself in danger.

Which is grounds for expulsion. I know.

And you have every right

to exercise that option.

I do believe it would be

a grave error on your part.

I think contrition might be in order

right now, Miss Addams. Not hubris.

I'll never apologize

for trying to uncover a truth.

What is this?

It's a warning from Rowan.

Is this why he tried to k*ll you?

His mother drew it before she d*ed.

Said I was destined to destroy the school.

But I think I'm meant to save it.

Now you know what's at stake.

Everything you vowed to protect, no less.

I think I deserve another chance.

Please.

One more infraction

One more step out of line

and you will be expelled.

No ifs, no buts.

- Enid and Xavier are spared as well.

- And no more negotiation.

Good night.

Where are you going?

Yoko's room.

Thornhill said I could

crash there for a few nights.

There's no need.

I spoke with Weems.

You and Xavier won't be punished.

Am I supposed to thank you?

I already apologized. It's over.

Over?

Tonight was the icing on the birthday cake

you couldn't even be bothered to cut.

You'll use anyone to get what you want,

even if it means putting them in danger.

We could have d*ed tonight

because of your stupid obsession.

But we didn't.

And now

I'm one step closer to solving this case.

That is what is important.

I've tried

really,

really,

really hard to be your friend.

Always put myself out there.

Thought of your feelings. Told people,

"I know she gives off serial k*ller vibes,

but she's just shy."

I never asked you to do that.

You didn't have to

because that's what friends do!

They don't have to be asked.

The fact that you don't know that

says everything.

You want to be alone, Wednesday? Be alone.

Goody warned

I was destined to be alone.

Maybe it's inevitable.

But for the first time in my life,

it doesn't feel good.

There's also something else.

A gnawing feeling.

That death is close at hand.

Watching me.

But I won't be intimidated.

And I will never give up.

That house.

That family.

Crackstone.

The monster.

Somehow me.

We all seem to be connected

like a spider's web.

And when Mayor Walker

got too close to the truth,

he was silenced.

But I won't be.

So whoever's watching me,

know this.

I will find you.