09x01 - The Stairs to Adulthood May Not Always Lead Up
Posted: 09/24/22 06:25
Gintama,Sign: Gintama
Sign: The Story So Far
Shin: The land of the samurai.
Shin: There was a time, long ago, when our country was called by that name.
Shin: Now, the world has entered a Great Pirate Era!
Shin: By a twist of fate, our hero Gin-san ate a Wave Wave Fruit, gained a perm,
Shin: decided to solve all his problems with money,
Shin: and left on a journey to find the Pirate King's treasure.
Boom: ,Boom!
Gin: I'm gonna be the king of the nouveau rich!
Shin: On his travels,
Internal: ,he met a girl looking for seven balls that can summon a shining dragon:
Internal: ,the genius beauty Kagura-chan.
Kag: I'll let you feel all the romance.
Shin: On the way, they also picked up a glasses monster.
Shin: Shinpachu!
Kag: Wow, you must be a glasses Friend!
Gin: Hey, Shinpachu, bring out the Japari Bus. I'm tired of walking.
Shin: They all worked together,
Shin: defeated the terrifying evil overlord,
Sign: Two Years Later...
Shin: and two years later,
Shin: the three of them reunited at the Jabondy Archipelago
Sign: World Chunin Hunter Hero Exam
Shin: and were about to take the World Chunin Hunter Hero Exam...
Shin: Are you kidding me?
Shin: What the hell is this recap?!
Gin: Y'know, we've been doing a bunch of long arcs, reruns, and breaks lately,
Gin: so I wrote that, figuring we should casually look back on the story.
Shin: You casually filled it with lies!
Shin: And you ripped off too many series!
Kag: Roughly put, the story did go something like that.
Kag: In the last long arc, for example, we went to another planet out in space
Kag: and fought a combat race whose strong emotions awakened their powers.
Shin: Uh, that is somewhat right, but...
Shin: Hell, you were basically the star of that arc. Sure you wanna sum it up that way?
Shin: Listen up.
Shin: We didn't learn the Whateverhameha or become Whatever Masters.
Shin: We're not headed for the Whatever Line, either!
Sign: ShogunAssassination
Sign: FarewellShinsengumi
Shin: We were originally supposed to enter the final long arc now,
Sign: Battle onRakuyo
Sign: Final Arc?
Shin: but stuff happened, and now we're here.
Sign: Slip Arc
Shin: Gin-san, you're basically a guy with a perm and dead fish eyes.
Sign: Kabuki District First
Shin: You run an odd jobs business in Edo's Kabuki District.
Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan
Shin: Kagura-chan, you're one of the Yato, a combat race,
Shin: a glutton, and you always carry an umbrella.
Shin: And I, Shinpachi,
Shin: am Suda Masaki in D.
Bo: How long are you gonna keep talking about the live-action movie?
Gin: Enough with the Suda nonsense! No more Granbluing!
Kag: Y'know, the more you do that, the more miserable you'll be.
Kag: Open your eyes!
Shin: But I have to ride this wave and get myself a hottie image!
Kag: What others do doesn't matter to us!
Gin: Come on! Let's start the anime already!
Bo: Okay...
Gintama,OP Card: Gintama
Slip Arc,OP Card: Slip Arc
Warning: Watch the Slip Arc in a bright roomand at a safe distance from your TV!
UB: Yeah, the sunshine on Earth is too much to handle.
UB: I feel like I'm going bald.
UB: Earth really isn't a planet we Yato are meant to live on.
UB: Kagura-chan said it didn't bother her,but will she really be okay?
UB: Sure, she may be fine now,
UB: but what if staying here too long affects her body—
G: Hey, check that out.
G: That old dude's got an umbrella even though it ain't raining.
G: He should probably get some sun and photosynthesize or something.
G: It'd help his head.
UB: Hey!
UB: What in the world happened to you two?
UB: Your entire body is toasted!
Punk: What do you think you're doing, old man?
UB: Hang in there! I'll call an ambulance now!
G: No, call the cops instead!
G: Somebody help!
UB: This planet really is dangerous.
UB: If Kagura-chan stays here, someday...
UB: Her whole body might end up toasted, and she might bring home a toasted boyfriend.
TB: We're already expecting.
UB: There might be a new toasted life growing in her womb.
UB: We'd have no choice but to throwa shotgun wedding in the shadows.
UB: But in a matter of months, her married life would be toast.
TB: It's all burned!
UB: Unable to fend for herself and her child as a single toast mother...
Kag: Oh dear, mister. Your whole body's so toasted.
UB: She'd start working at a shady shop.
UB: Eventually, even her heart would be toasted black, and...
Cop: We found a burned, toasted will.
Sign: Forgive me, Daddy.
UB: I won't stand for it!
UB: Daddy will not accept toast of any sort!
UB: If you stay here, everything will be toast!
UB: I'm gonna take her back before everything becomes toast!
G: Hey, sir.
Sign: Hair Growth Powder{\fs\b}Toasty{\b}{\fs}A magical way to hide your hair loss{\fs\c&HD&}Free Trial Period
G: We're running a free trial period right now.
G: Would you like to try it?
G: One spray, and your head will be a toasty black.
UB: I won't stand for it!
UB: Only Daddy's head needs to be toasty!
UB: That's enough! Daddy has enough hair on his head!
UB: Be it Daddy's hair or your life here on Earth, this is plenty!
UB: You should say goodbye to this rotten place...
UB: That's Kagura-chan.
UB: Thank goodness. Looks like she's not toasted yet.
Sign: Kagura-chan
Boy: Um, here.
Boy: You can give me your answer some other time.
Boy: Bye.
Kag: Hey, wait.
Kag: What is this?
Kag: Let's see...
Kag: Dear Kagura-chan...
Sign: Dear Kagura-chan,Ever since we first met,I haven't been able to stop thinking about you.
Kag: Ever since we first met, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you."
Kag: All this while, I've played with you like you were one of the guys,
road safety: ,Road Safety Be careful up ahead!!
Kag: but I can't suppress these feelings anymore.
Kag: Please go out with me.
Kag: My heart is
Kag: burning with such passionate love for you
Kag: that it is now toasted pitch-black.
Ep Title,Title: The Stairs to AdulthoodMay Not Always Lead Up
Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan
Shin: Hey!
Shin: What the heck is this? What happened?
Gin: Pachi-boy, I asked you to get me a spoon.
Gin: If you're giving me such a massive spoon, give me a massive serving of pudding, too.
UB: I assume you're okay with that...
UB: as your last supper.
UB: You're okay with that?
Shin: U-Umibozu-san?
Gin: Oh, Pops. If you'd told us you were coming,
Gin: we would've got another pudding for you.
Gin: Did you go out of your way to get your own
Gin: shiny pudding?
UB: My head is not shiny pudding!
Gin: Why are you so cranky pudding as soon as you get here? Aren't you being rude?
UB: I don't wanna hear that from a guy who keeps calling my head pudding!
UB: You were supposed to look after my precious daughter! What were you looking at?
UB: This is the height of negligence!
Shin: Huh? Did something happen to Kagura-chan?
Kag: I'm home!
Kag: Huh? You're here, Daddy?
Kag: Long time no see.
UB: Kagura!
Kag: Perfect timing. I've got good news to share with you all.
UB: No! I don't wanna hear it!
Kag: I have a boyfriend now.
UB: Wait a second.
UB: Not "I got a love letter"?
UB: "Boyfriend"?
Kag: We're going on a date tomorrow.
Kag: What should I wear?
Gin: Uh, Shinpachi...
Gin: What's a "boyfriend" again?
Gin: Like these things?
Shin: No, that's a dry limb.
Shin: "Dry limb" and "boyfriend" barely sound alike.
Gin: Like this, then?
Shin: Uh, that's "boyfriend death."
Sign: Boyfriend DEATH
Shin: Get away from the tree already. Just take the guy.
Gin: Oh, so like this?
Shin: Why'd you turn it into Chris's evolution chart?
Shin: He just evolved from dry limbs to more dry limbs!
UB: How could this be?
UB: He said he'd wait for his answer, but she gave it to him so quickly?
UB: And she said okay?!
UB: What're you gonna do about this?
UB: This wouldn't have happened if you'd kept an eye on her!
Gin: Calm down. This has to be some bad joke.
Gin: Kagura, of all people, could never get a boyfriend.
UB: You're right.
UB: This has to be some kind of bad joke or bad dream, right?
Gin: Exactly.
Gin: Who'd fall for that vulgar, gluttonous mass with no sex appeal—that hurloine?
Gin: She probably just got Punk'd or something.
Gin: She's your daughter. She inherited all your unlucky genes.
Gin: Have more faith in her.
UB: You're right!
UB: This couldn't happen to a girl who was swimming in my filthy b*lls...
UB: Who're you calling a filthy b*ll girl?!
Gin: I never went that far.
Gin: Please, cool off your b*ll head for a sec.
Gin: Don't worry. This can't be real.
Shin: You never know.
Shin: I've heard that even grade schoolers are dating these days.
Shin: And while Kagura-chan may look childish, she's fourteen.
Shin: Besides, if you go just by looks, she's a beauty.
Shin: Considering all that—
UB: Hey, what do you mean, grade schoolers?
UB: Has this planet gotten that dirty?
Earth,Sign: Earth
UB: Earth?
UB: More like Dirth!
Dirth,Sign: Dirth
UB: Can I destroy it now?
UB: Can I get serious now?
Shin: Please calm down.
Shin: I called it "dating," but they're just playing.
Shin: It's all just a game!
Gin: Hey...
Gin: What do you mean, it's just a game?
Shin: Not you, too!
Gin: Don't tell me they satisfy their urges,
Gin: wrap the girl with paper from their Japonica Notebooks, and chuck her in the trash.
Gin: If they do that,
Gin: can I stick jet packs in their backpacks and pitch them to the edge of the galaxy?
Gin: Can I turn them into the backpack constellation?
Shin: Calm down, both of you!
Shin: I'm just speaking hypothetically!
Shin: You're getting too worked up!
Shin: Also, if you're so bothered by it, you could just ask Kagura-chan directly!
UB: Y-You go.
Gin: Why me? Aren't you her father?
UB: Shut up! That's exactly why I don't know how to face her at times like these!
UB: You could bring it up casually.
UB: Just go already.
Gin: What are you saying? You sound pathetic.
Gin: Shinpachi, you go.
Shin: Where did that come from?
Gin: Shaddup.
Gin: When you're trying to climb the stairs to adulthood,
Gin: adults shouldn't be yelling at you from the top.
Gin: This calls for one nowhere near the stairs,
Gin: a primitive lifeform like you still groveling on the ground.
Shin: Who're you calling an amoeba?!
Shin: Jeez, fine.
Shin: I'll go ask her, then.
Gin: Wait, time out!
Shin: What is it?
Gin: Never mind. You don't have to ask her anything.
Shin: Make up your damn mind!
Kag: Boy, I'm so hungry.
Kag: Is dinner ready?
Kag: Wow, it's red rice!
Kag: What's up? Did something good happen?
UB: Huh? Uh, what's up, you ask?
Er...
UB: What was up, Gintoki-kun?
Gin: Huh? U-Uh, y'know, bo...
Gin: Boy...
Gin: Boy, oh, boy! Curry came out of your father's crotch!
Kag: What's so good about that?
UB: W-Well, I've been constipated lately,
UB: so, like, we're celebrating the tunnel opening?
Gin: Maybe we should've gone with curry instead of red rice, huh, Father?
UB: But it came out with such force that there was blood mixed in, too.
UB: It's okay this way, I say.
Kag: There goes my appetite.
Gin: Wait, wait, wait, wait!
Gin: We're sorry!
Gin: This isn't something we should talk about over dinner, huh?
UB: Hurry up and take a seat.
UB: Shinpachi-kun went to great pains to make this.
All: Let's eat!
Gin: Hey, ask her already, you stupid cue ball!
UB: Who do you think you're calling a cue ball?
UB: You're sorely mistaken if you think light hair doesn't fall off.
UB: Don't you know how it went with Uncle Jam?
Gin: You're the one with the Uncle Jam head!
UB: You're wasting the chance we made this celebratory red rice to create.
Gin: You don't intend to celebrate a hair on her head.
Gin: Your roots have all died out, so what are you talking about?
UB: They haven't! They're just taking a break because it's half-time.
Gin: Are you that scared to find out the truth?
Gin: Are you that scared of your daughter growing up?
UB: I'm not the least bit scared.
UB: I just wanna say that when she leaves Earth,
UB: it'll be a long-distance relationship, and it'll be hard to keep up.
UB: You're the one feeling lonely because you feel like she's grown distant from you.
Gin: As if! In fact, that's exactly what I want.
Gin: I'm just worried she'll neglect her work because she's distracted by love.
Gin: I'm totally ready to celebrate this.
Gin: I'm totally gonna get another helping of red rice.
UB: Screw you!
UB: I'm eating more helpings!
Gin: Shut up!
Gin: I'll eat enough red beans to match my age!
UB: I'm older than you, so I can eat more!
Gin: Then I'll eat enough to match the number of hair roots I have!
UB: Then I'll eat enough to match the number of dead roots I have!
Gin: So you admit they've all died out?!
Kag: What are those two morons doing?
Shin: S-Say, Kagura-chan...
Shin: You mentioned this earlier,
Shin: but is it true you got a boyfriend?
Kag: I don't really get it.
Kag: I got a love letter, but honestly, it hasn't sunk in yet.
Kag: I don't really understand all that love stuff, anyway.
Kag: But I could feel how much heart he put into what he wrote,
Kag: so I figured I could at least go on a date—
Bo: That won't do, Kagura-chan!
Gin: Dating someone out of sympathy or pity is the most insulting thing to them!
Gin: It'll end up hurting them the most!
UB: You should break up with him.
UB: Right, Gintoki-kun?
Gin: That's right.
Gin: You shouldn't sell yourself short. Don't you agree, Father?
Kag: But you could fall for someone once you start dating them, couldn't you?
Kag: That's what Daddy said about his shotgun marriage.
UB: Some romances start in bed, too.
Gin: You're the root cause? What the hell were you telling a child?!
UB: You've got the wrong idea! That's not what I meant there...
Kag: Anyway, I have a date tomorrow, so I'm going to bed now.
UB: Wait, Kagura-chan.
Gin: Feel free to go on a date or whatever.
UB: But before that...
Bo: Could you introduce your boyfriend to us?
How many have we been to now?
UB: Pops...
Gin: One more.
Shin: You're drinking too much, you two!
Shin: You're meeting Kagura-chan's boyfriend tomorrow, remember?
UB: Shut up! Boyfriend, my ass!
UB: I don't care who he is or where he's from. I haven't accepted him yet.
Gin: Yeah, dumbass.
Gin: It's way too early for a runt like her to be getting into an illicit relationship.
Gin: Who gave her permission to ride the escalator to adulthood?
Gin: Who does she think raised her until now? Damn it all.
UB: Uh, that's my line.
UB: When exactly did you raise her?
Gin: You neglected caring for your daughter and your hair, cue ball.
Gin: It's too late for you to start acting like a dad!
UB: I didn't neglect anything!
UB: I simply respected the independence of my daughter and my hair!
UB: They've both just gone to study abroad, is all!
Gin: But they've totally run into trouble there!
Gin: They're never coming back now!
UB: They will! They'll come home all blonde!
Shin: Oh, jeez. Stop it, you two.
Shin: I understand why you're so worried,
Shin: but everyone with a daughter has to face this day eventually.
Shin: He must be a nice boy, considering Kagura-chan accepted him.
Shin: But if we, the hosts, act like this, we'll end up embarrassing her.
Shin: While it might get a bit lonely,
Shin: we must grow up, too.
Shin: Well, I'll be leaving now.
Shin: You two make sure to act like grown-ups tomorrow.
UB: Grown-up, huh?
UB: Yeah, it's really childish to get this worked up over a boyfriend.
UB: I get it. I really do.
UB: When she was a baby, I used to be so happy to see her grow up by the day.
UB: Be it her first steps, or when she first learned to speak,
UB: everything was a life-changing experience.
UB: When was it that I stopped finding joy in her growing up?
UB: When did I start feeling more lonely than happy?
Gin: I used to think a grown-up's job was to run in front while the kids follow behind.
Gin: But when they eventually overtake us,
Gin: it's also our job to send them off with a smile, huh?
Gin: Man, I can still keep running, though.
UB: That's exactly it.
UB: You and I are both still snot-faced brats.
Gin: Shall we take them, too...
Gin: The stairs to adulthood?
Odd_Jobs_Gin_cha,Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan
Shin: I wonder if those two will be all right.
Shin: They were acting like children last night,
Shin: but they did promise to behave like adults today.
Shin: I guess it should be okay.
Bo: Welcome!
Bo: Welcome to the Sakata household!
Gin: Oh, it's just you, Shinpachi-kun.
Shin: What are you doing? That'd scare the living daylights out of anyone!
UB: Sorry, sorry.
UB: We've been waiting in standby since last night for the boyfriend to arrive,
UB: so we got a little too excited.
Shin: Since last night?!
Gin: And when we practiced our smiles so we could welcome the boyfriend with a smile,
Gin: we fell into a "how do you smile,"
Gin: "what even is a smile,"
Gin: and "how is 'smile' spelled" loop.
UB: Are we smiling? Have we managed to smile?
Shin: Yeah, but there's nothing happy about it!
UB: We'll be grown-ups today.
UB: We won't embarrass Kagura.
UB: You don't need to worry.
Shin: Uh, where will you find grown-ups who smile like that?
Shin: It's nice that you tried to better yourselves, but you took it too far!
Shin: You need to be more natural!
UB: We know, Shinpachi-kun.
UB: Acting too high-and-mighty would only put unnecessary pressure on the boy.
UB: Relax.
UB: We're grown-ups today.
Gin: But as grown-ups, we can't really dress casually here...
Bo: ...so we decided to get some formals at least.
Shin: You took growing up too literally!
Shin: What the hell are you two doing?
Shin: Is this what you meant by being grown up?
UB: Huh?
Gin: What do you mean?
Shin: Don't give me that!
Shin: You're intimidating as hell!
Shin: You can feel the pressure in the air!
Gin: You must be imagining things.
Gin: Upper bodies in this anime have always been like this.
Shin: When did we become Captain Tsubasa?!
Gin: Calm down, Shinpachi.
Gin: You're the one acting unnatural.
Gin: We're the hosts. We just need to be ready to welcome with open arms.
Shin: No, you're the unnatural one! And your open arms are way too big!
Great_Nature_Dei,Sign: Great Nature Deism Daily
Gin: Huh? Isn't this yesterday's Great Nature paper?
Gin: Jeez, throw it away.
Shin: What the hell kind of newspaper are you reading?
Shin: Stop it! It'll make the family situation look complicated and troublesome!
UB: Oh, Mother.
UB: Oh, Gaia.
UB: Kagura-chan is bringing her boyfriend over.
UB: We'll gain another follower.
Shin: Hey! Who said you could build a creepy altar in our place?!
Shin: What're you praying to it for?!
Shin: What kind of secrets does this family have?!
Gin: This is it, right? We just have to act naturally like this, right?
Shin: This is too scary!
Shin: You got so conscious about the natural part,
Shin: you've made this household nothing but unnatural!
Shin: Forget her boyfriend, Kagura-chan will lose all her friends like this!
Kag: Hey.
Kag: I brought my boyfriend.
Shin: I gotta clean all of this up!
Shin: Listen up. You two just try not to do anything stupid.
Shin: Just smile and sit there. Got that?
Gin: Hey, you remember the agreement, right?
UB: Yeah.
Gin: If one of us goes out of control, the other will stop him, no matter what.
Gin: As Kagura's guardian and Kagura's father,
Gin: we must act like grown-ups and not embarrass ourselves.
UB: But don't let him walk over you.
UB: Say what you need to.
UB: If they're willing to have a clean relationship befitting their age,
UB: we won't stand in their way. We must make that clear.
UB: It's okay.
UB: I only saw him from behind, but he was a normal kid.
UB: If grown-ups talk to him seriously, he should understand.
UB: I mean, look how grown up we are.
UB: He's probably never seen anyone this grown up.
Gin: What's up, Kagura? Where's your boyfriend?
Kag: He said he can't come inside.
Gin: Huh? Is he feeling shy?
Gin: Just tell him to come in.
Kag: Like I said, he's saying he can't come inside.
Gin: Oh, for crying out loud. Did he get cold feet?
Gin: Hey, boyfriend! You can come in!
Gin: There's nothing to be afraid of!
Gin: He's kinda pathetic.
Gin: Is this gonna be okay?
UB: Well, I guess I can understand.
UB: I mean, there are two grown-ass grown-ups here. Of course he'd be scared.
UB: He's only a child. A big baby.
Bo: He really is a big baby!
TBC,Sign: To Be Continued
Sign: Preview
Kag: The guys are whining too much just because I got a boyfriend.
Kag: Girls eventually start staying out late and coming back the next morning on their own.
Kag: Get ready for it!
My Bald Dad, My Light-Haired Dad, and My Dad's Glasses
Kag: Next time: "My Bald Dad, My Light-Haired Dad, and My Dad's Glasses."
TextR: Kagura brought home her big boyfriend.
TextL: It shocked even the grown-ass grown-ups.
TextR: What's more, casual introductionswon't be enough?
TextL: Their relationship takes a sudden turn?!
Sign: The Story So Far
Shin: The land of the samurai.
Shin: There was a time, long ago, when our country was called by that name.
Shin: Now, the world has entered a Great Pirate Era!
Shin: By a twist of fate, our hero Gin-san ate a Wave Wave Fruit, gained a perm,
Shin: decided to solve all his problems with money,
Shin: and left on a journey to find the Pirate King's treasure.
Boom: ,Boom!
Gin: I'm gonna be the king of the nouveau rich!
Shin: On his travels,
Internal: ,he met a girl looking for seven balls that can summon a shining dragon:
Internal: ,the genius beauty Kagura-chan.
Kag: I'll let you feel all the romance.
Shin: On the way, they also picked up a glasses monster.
Shin: Shinpachu!
Kag: Wow, you must be a glasses Friend!
Gin: Hey, Shinpachu, bring out the Japari Bus. I'm tired of walking.
Shin: They all worked together,
Shin: defeated the terrifying evil overlord,
Sign: Two Years Later...
Shin: and two years later,
Shin: the three of them reunited at the Jabondy Archipelago
Sign: World Chunin Hunter Hero Exam
Shin: and were about to take the World Chunin Hunter Hero Exam...
Shin: Are you kidding me?
Shin: What the hell is this recap?!
Gin: Y'know, we've been doing a bunch of long arcs, reruns, and breaks lately,
Gin: so I wrote that, figuring we should casually look back on the story.
Shin: You casually filled it with lies!
Shin: And you ripped off too many series!
Kag: Roughly put, the story did go something like that.
Kag: In the last long arc, for example, we went to another planet out in space
Kag: and fought a combat race whose strong emotions awakened their powers.
Shin: Uh, that is somewhat right, but...
Shin: Hell, you were basically the star of that arc. Sure you wanna sum it up that way?
Shin: Listen up.
Shin: We didn't learn the Whateverhameha or become Whatever Masters.
Shin: We're not headed for the Whatever Line, either!
Sign: ShogunAssassination
Sign: FarewellShinsengumi
Shin: We were originally supposed to enter the final long arc now,
Sign: Battle onRakuyo
Sign: Final Arc?
Shin: but stuff happened, and now we're here.
Sign: Slip Arc
Shin: Gin-san, you're basically a guy with a perm and dead fish eyes.
Sign: Kabuki District First
Shin: You run an odd jobs business in Edo's Kabuki District.
Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan
Shin: Kagura-chan, you're one of the Yato, a combat race,
Shin: a glutton, and you always carry an umbrella.
Shin: And I, Shinpachi,
Shin: am Suda Masaki in D.
Bo: How long are you gonna keep talking about the live-action movie?
Gin: Enough with the Suda nonsense! No more Granbluing!
Kag: Y'know, the more you do that, the more miserable you'll be.
Kag: Open your eyes!
Shin: But I have to ride this wave and get myself a hottie image!
Kag: What others do doesn't matter to us!
Gin: Come on! Let's start the anime already!
Bo: Okay...
Gintama,OP Card: Gintama
Slip Arc,OP Card: Slip Arc
Warning: Watch the Slip Arc in a bright roomand at a safe distance from your TV!
UB: Yeah, the sunshine on Earth is too much to handle.
UB: I feel like I'm going bald.
UB: Earth really isn't a planet we Yato are meant to live on.
UB: Kagura-chan said it didn't bother her,but will she really be okay?
UB: Sure, she may be fine now,
UB: but what if staying here too long affects her body—
G: Hey, check that out.
G: That old dude's got an umbrella even though it ain't raining.
G: He should probably get some sun and photosynthesize or something.
G: It'd help his head.
UB: Hey!
UB: What in the world happened to you two?
UB: Your entire body is toasted!
Punk: What do you think you're doing, old man?
UB: Hang in there! I'll call an ambulance now!
G: No, call the cops instead!
G: Somebody help!
UB: This planet really is dangerous.
UB: If Kagura-chan stays here, someday...
UB: Her whole body might end up toasted, and she might bring home a toasted boyfriend.
TB: We're already expecting.
UB: There might be a new toasted life growing in her womb.
UB: We'd have no choice but to throwa shotgun wedding in the shadows.
UB: But in a matter of months, her married life would be toast.
TB: It's all burned!
UB: Unable to fend for herself and her child as a single toast mother...
Kag: Oh dear, mister. Your whole body's so toasted.
UB: She'd start working at a shady shop.
UB: Eventually, even her heart would be toasted black, and...
Cop: We found a burned, toasted will.
Sign: Forgive me, Daddy.
UB: I won't stand for it!
UB: Daddy will not accept toast of any sort!
UB: If you stay here, everything will be toast!
UB: I'm gonna take her back before everything becomes toast!
G: Hey, sir.
Sign: Hair Growth Powder{\fs\b}Toasty{\b}{\fs}A magical way to hide your hair loss{\fs\c&HD&}Free Trial Period
G: We're running a free trial period right now.
G: Would you like to try it?
G: One spray, and your head will be a toasty black.
UB: I won't stand for it!
UB: Only Daddy's head needs to be toasty!
UB: That's enough! Daddy has enough hair on his head!
UB: Be it Daddy's hair or your life here on Earth, this is plenty!
UB: You should say goodbye to this rotten place...
UB: That's Kagura-chan.
UB: Thank goodness. Looks like she's not toasted yet.
Sign: Kagura-chan
Boy: Um, here.
Boy: You can give me your answer some other time.
Boy: Bye.
Kag: Hey, wait.
Kag: What is this?
Kag: Let's see...
Kag: Dear Kagura-chan...
Sign: Dear Kagura-chan,Ever since we first met,I haven't been able to stop thinking about you.
Kag: Ever since we first met, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you."
Kag: All this while, I've played with you like you were one of the guys,
road safety: ,Road Safety Be careful up ahead!!
Kag: but I can't suppress these feelings anymore.
Kag: Please go out with me.
Kag: My heart is
Kag: burning with such passionate love for you
Kag: that it is now toasted pitch-black.
Ep Title,Title: The Stairs to AdulthoodMay Not Always Lead Up
Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan
Shin: Hey!
Shin: What the heck is this? What happened?
Gin: Pachi-boy, I asked you to get me a spoon.
Gin: If you're giving me such a massive spoon, give me a massive serving of pudding, too.
UB: I assume you're okay with that...
UB: as your last supper.
UB: You're okay with that?
Shin: U-Umibozu-san?
Gin: Oh, Pops. If you'd told us you were coming,
Gin: we would've got another pudding for you.
Gin: Did you go out of your way to get your own
Gin: shiny pudding?
UB: My head is not shiny pudding!
Gin: Why are you so cranky pudding as soon as you get here? Aren't you being rude?
UB: I don't wanna hear that from a guy who keeps calling my head pudding!
UB: You were supposed to look after my precious daughter! What were you looking at?
UB: This is the height of negligence!
Shin: Huh? Did something happen to Kagura-chan?
Kag: I'm home!
Kag: Huh? You're here, Daddy?
Kag: Long time no see.
UB: Kagura!
Kag: Perfect timing. I've got good news to share with you all.
UB: No! I don't wanna hear it!
Kag: I have a boyfriend now.
UB: Wait a second.
UB: Not "I got a love letter"?
UB: "Boyfriend"?
Kag: We're going on a date tomorrow.
Kag: What should I wear?
Gin: Uh, Shinpachi...
Gin: What's a "boyfriend" again?
Gin: Like these things?
Shin: No, that's a dry limb.
Shin: "Dry limb" and "boyfriend" barely sound alike.
Gin: Like this, then?
Shin: Uh, that's "boyfriend death."
Sign: Boyfriend DEATH
Shin: Get away from the tree already. Just take the guy.
Gin: Oh, so like this?
Shin: Why'd you turn it into Chris's evolution chart?
Shin: He just evolved from dry limbs to more dry limbs!
UB: How could this be?
UB: He said he'd wait for his answer, but she gave it to him so quickly?
UB: And she said okay?!
UB: What're you gonna do about this?
UB: This wouldn't have happened if you'd kept an eye on her!
Gin: Calm down. This has to be some bad joke.
Gin: Kagura, of all people, could never get a boyfriend.
UB: You're right.
UB: This has to be some kind of bad joke or bad dream, right?
Gin: Exactly.
Gin: Who'd fall for that vulgar, gluttonous mass with no sex appeal—that hurloine?
Gin: She probably just got Punk'd or something.
Gin: She's your daughter. She inherited all your unlucky genes.
Gin: Have more faith in her.
UB: You're right!
UB: This couldn't happen to a girl who was swimming in my filthy b*lls...
UB: Who're you calling a filthy b*ll girl?!
Gin: I never went that far.
Gin: Please, cool off your b*ll head for a sec.
Gin: Don't worry. This can't be real.
Shin: You never know.
Shin: I've heard that even grade schoolers are dating these days.
Shin: And while Kagura-chan may look childish, she's fourteen.
Shin: Besides, if you go just by looks, she's a beauty.
Shin: Considering all that—
UB: Hey, what do you mean, grade schoolers?
UB: Has this planet gotten that dirty?
Earth,Sign: Earth
UB: Earth?
UB: More like Dirth!
Dirth,Sign: Dirth
UB: Can I destroy it now?
UB: Can I get serious now?
Shin: Please calm down.
Shin: I called it "dating," but they're just playing.
Shin: It's all just a game!
Gin: Hey...
Gin: What do you mean, it's just a game?
Shin: Not you, too!
Gin: Don't tell me they satisfy their urges,
Gin: wrap the girl with paper from their Japonica Notebooks, and chuck her in the trash.
Gin: If they do that,
Gin: can I stick jet packs in their backpacks and pitch them to the edge of the galaxy?
Gin: Can I turn them into the backpack constellation?
Shin: Calm down, both of you!
Shin: I'm just speaking hypothetically!
Shin: You're getting too worked up!
Shin: Also, if you're so bothered by it, you could just ask Kagura-chan directly!
UB: Y-You go.
Gin: Why me? Aren't you her father?
UB: Shut up! That's exactly why I don't know how to face her at times like these!
UB: You could bring it up casually.
UB: Just go already.
Gin: What are you saying? You sound pathetic.
Gin: Shinpachi, you go.
Shin: Where did that come from?
Gin: Shaddup.
Gin: When you're trying to climb the stairs to adulthood,
Gin: adults shouldn't be yelling at you from the top.
Gin: This calls for one nowhere near the stairs,
Gin: a primitive lifeform like you still groveling on the ground.
Shin: Who're you calling an amoeba?!
Shin: Jeez, fine.
Shin: I'll go ask her, then.
Gin: Wait, time out!
Shin: What is it?
Gin: Never mind. You don't have to ask her anything.
Shin: Make up your damn mind!
Kag: Boy, I'm so hungry.
Kag: Is dinner ready?
Kag: Wow, it's red rice!
Kag: What's up? Did something good happen?
UB: Huh? Uh, what's up, you ask?
Er...
UB: What was up, Gintoki-kun?
Gin: Huh? U-Uh, y'know, bo...
Gin: Boy...
Gin: Boy, oh, boy! Curry came out of your father's crotch!
Kag: What's so good about that?
UB: W-Well, I've been constipated lately,
UB: so, like, we're celebrating the tunnel opening?
Gin: Maybe we should've gone with curry instead of red rice, huh, Father?
UB: But it came out with such force that there was blood mixed in, too.
UB: It's okay this way, I say.
Kag: There goes my appetite.
Gin: Wait, wait, wait, wait!
Gin: We're sorry!
Gin: This isn't something we should talk about over dinner, huh?
UB: Hurry up and take a seat.
UB: Shinpachi-kun went to great pains to make this.
All: Let's eat!
Gin: Hey, ask her already, you stupid cue ball!
UB: Who do you think you're calling a cue ball?
UB: You're sorely mistaken if you think light hair doesn't fall off.
UB: Don't you know how it went with Uncle Jam?
Gin: You're the one with the Uncle Jam head!
UB: You're wasting the chance we made this celebratory red rice to create.
Gin: You don't intend to celebrate a hair on her head.
Gin: Your roots have all died out, so what are you talking about?
UB: They haven't! They're just taking a break because it's half-time.
Gin: Are you that scared to find out the truth?
Gin: Are you that scared of your daughter growing up?
UB: I'm not the least bit scared.
UB: I just wanna say that when she leaves Earth,
UB: it'll be a long-distance relationship, and it'll be hard to keep up.
UB: You're the one feeling lonely because you feel like she's grown distant from you.
Gin: As if! In fact, that's exactly what I want.
Gin: I'm just worried she'll neglect her work because she's distracted by love.
Gin: I'm totally ready to celebrate this.
Gin: I'm totally gonna get another helping of red rice.
UB: Screw you!
UB: I'm eating more helpings!
Gin: Shut up!
Gin: I'll eat enough red beans to match my age!
UB: I'm older than you, so I can eat more!
Gin: Then I'll eat enough to match the number of hair roots I have!
UB: Then I'll eat enough to match the number of dead roots I have!
Gin: So you admit they've all died out?!
Kag: What are those two morons doing?
Shin: S-Say, Kagura-chan...
Shin: You mentioned this earlier,
Shin: but is it true you got a boyfriend?
Kag: I don't really get it.
Kag: I got a love letter, but honestly, it hasn't sunk in yet.
Kag: I don't really understand all that love stuff, anyway.
Kag: But I could feel how much heart he put into what he wrote,
Kag: so I figured I could at least go on a date—
Bo: That won't do, Kagura-chan!
Gin: Dating someone out of sympathy or pity is the most insulting thing to them!
Gin: It'll end up hurting them the most!
UB: You should break up with him.
UB: Right, Gintoki-kun?
Gin: That's right.
Gin: You shouldn't sell yourself short. Don't you agree, Father?
Kag: But you could fall for someone once you start dating them, couldn't you?
Kag: That's what Daddy said about his shotgun marriage.
UB: Some romances start in bed, too.
Gin: You're the root cause? What the hell were you telling a child?!
UB: You've got the wrong idea! That's not what I meant there...
Kag: Anyway, I have a date tomorrow, so I'm going to bed now.
UB: Wait, Kagura-chan.
Gin: Feel free to go on a date or whatever.
UB: But before that...
Bo: Could you introduce your boyfriend to us?
How many have we been to now?
UB: Pops...
Gin: One more.
Shin: You're drinking too much, you two!
Shin: You're meeting Kagura-chan's boyfriend tomorrow, remember?
UB: Shut up! Boyfriend, my ass!
UB: I don't care who he is or where he's from. I haven't accepted him yet.
Gin: Yeah, dumbass.
Gin: It's way too early for a runt like her to be getting into an illicit relationship.
Gin: Who gave her permission to ride the escalator to adulthood?
Gin: Who does she think raised her until now? Damn it all.
UB: Uh, that's my line.
UB: When exactly did you raise her?
Gin: You neglected caring for your daughter and your hair, cue ball.
Gin: It's too late for you to start acting like a dad!
UB: I didn't neglect anything!
UB: I simply respected the independence of my daughter and my hair!
UB: They've both just gone to study abroad, is all!
Gin: But they've totally run into trouble there!
Gin: They're never coming back now!
UB: They will! They'll come home all blonde!
Shin: Oh, jeez. Stop it, you two.
Shin: I understand why you're so worried,
Shin: but everyone with a daughter has to face this day eventually.
Shin: He must be a nice boy, considering Kagura-chan accepted him.
Shin: But if we, the hosts, act like this, we'll end up embarrassing her.
Shin: While it might get a bit lonely,
Shin: we must grow up, too.
Shin: Well, I'll be leaving now.
Shin: You two make sure to act like grown-ups tomorrow.
UB: Grown-up, huh?
UB: Yeah, it's really childish to get this worked up over a boyfriend.
UB: I get it. I really do.
UB: When she was a baby, I used to be so happy to see her grow up by the day.
UB: Be it her first steps, or when she first learned to speak,
UB: everything was a life-changing experience.
UB: When was it that I stopped finding joy in her growing up?
UB: When did I start feeling more lonely than happy?
Gin: I used to think a grown-up's job was to run in front while the kids follow behind.
Gin: But when they eventually overtake us,
Gin: it's also our job to send them off with a smile, huh?
Gin: Man, I can still keep running, though.
UB: That's exactly it.
UB: You and I are both still snot-faced brats.
Gin: Shall we take them, too...
Gin: The stairs to adulthood?
Odd_Jobs_Gin_cha,Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan
Shin: I wonder if those two will be all right.
Shin: They were acting like children last night,
Shin: but they did promise to behave like adults today.
Shin: I guess it should be okay.
Bo: Welcome!
Bo: Welcome to the Sakata household!
Gin: Oh, it's just you, Shinpachi-kun.
Shin: What are you doing? That'd scare the living daylights out of anyone!
UB: Sorry, sorry.
UB: We've been waiting in standby since last night for the boyfriend to arrive,
UB: so we got a little too excited.
Shin: Since last night?!
Gin: And when we practiced our smiles so we could welcome the boyfriend with a smile,
Gin: we fell into a "how do you smile,"
Gin: "what even is a smile,"
Gin: and "how is 'smile' spelled" loop.
UB: Are we smiling? Have we managed to smile?
Shin: Yeah, but there's nothing happy about it!
UB: We'll be grown-ups today.
UB: We won't embarrass Kagura.
UB: You don't need to worry.
Shin: Uh, where will you find grown-ups who smile like that?
Shin: It's nice that you tried to better yourselves, but you took it too far!
Shin: You need to be more natural!
UB: We know, Shinpachi-kun.
UB: Acting too high-and-mighty would only put unnecessary pressure on the boy.
UB: Relax.
UB: We're grown-ups today.
Gin: But as grown-ups, we can't really dress casually here...
Bo: ...so we decided to get some formals at least.
Shin: You took growing up too literally!
Shin: What the hell are you two doing?
Shin: Is this what you meant by being grown up?
UB: Huh?
Gin: What do you mean?
Shin: Don't give me that!
Shin: You're intimidating as hell!
Shin: You can feel the pressure in the air!
Gin: You must be imagining things.
Gin: Upper bodies in this anime have always been like this.
Shin: When did we become Captain Tsubasa?!
Gin: Calm down, Shinpachi.
Gin: You're the one acting unnatural.
Gin: We're the hosts. We just need to be ready to welcome with open arms.
Shin: No, you're the unnatural one! And your open arms are way too big!
Great_Nature_Dei,Sign: Great Nature Deism Daily
Gin: Huh? Isn't this yesterday's Great Nature paper?
Gin: Jeez, throw it away.
Shin: What the hell kind of newspaper are you reading?
Shin: Stop it! It'll make the family situation look complicated and troublesome!
UB: Oh, Mother.
UB: Oh, Gaia.
UB: Kagura-chan is bringing her boyfriend over.
UB: We'll gain another follower.
Shin: Hey! Who said you could build a creepy altar in our place?!
Shin: What're you praying to it for?!
Shin: What kind of secrets does this family have?!
Gin: This is it, right? We just have to act naturally like this, right?
Shin: This is too scary!
Shin: You got so conscious about the natural part,
Shin: you've made this household nothing but unnatural!
Shin: Forget her boyfriend, Kagura-chan will lose all her friends like this!
Kag: Hey.
Kag: I brought my boyfriend.
Shin: I gotta clean all of this up!
Shin: Listen up. You two just try not to do anything stupid.
Shin: Just smile and sit there. Got that?
Gin: Hey, you remember the agreement, right?
UB: Yeah.
Gin: If one of us goes out of control, the other will stop him, no matter what.
Gin: As Kagura's guardian and Kagura's father,
Gin: we must act like grown-ups and not embarrass ourselves.
UB: But don't let him walk over you.
UB: Say what you need to.
UB: If they're willing to have a clean relationship befitting their age,
UB: we won't stand in their way. We must make that clear.
UB: It's okay.
UB: I only saw him from behind, but he was a normal kid.
UB: If grown-ups talk to him seriously, he should understand.
UB: I mean, look how grown up we are.
UB: He's probably never seen anyone this grown up.
Gin: What's up, Kagura? Where's your boyfriend?
Kag: He said he can't come inside.
Gin: Huh? Is he feeling shy?
Gin: Just tell him to come in.
Kag: Like I said, he's saying he can't come inside.
Gin: Oh, for crying out loud. Did he get cold feet?
Gin: Hey, boyfriend! You can come in!
Gin: There's nothing to be afraid of!
Gin: He's kinda pathetic.
Gin: Is this gonna be okay?
UB: Well, I guess I can understand.
UB: I mean, there are two grown-ass grown-ups here. Of course he'd be scared.
UB: He's only a child. A big baby.
Bo: He really is a big baby!
TBC,Sign: To Be Continued
Sign: Preview
Kag: The guys are whining too much just because I got a boyfriend.
Kag: Girls eventually start staying out late and coming back the next morning on their own.
Kag: Get ready for it!
My Bald Dad, My Light-Haired Dad, and My Dad's Glasses
Kag: Next time: "My Bald Dad, My Light-Haired Dad, and My Dad's Glasses."
TextR: Kagura brought home her big boyfriend.
TextL: It shocked even the grown-ass grown-ups.
TextR: What's more, casual introductionswon't be enough?
TextL: Their relationship takes a sudden turn?!