02x30 - Music to Milk By

[bunniefuu]

♪ Green acres
is the place to be ♪

♪ farm livin'
is the life for me ♪

♪ land spreadin' out
so far and wide ♪

♪ keep Manhattan,
just give me
that countryside ♪

♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay ♪

♪ I get allergic
smelling hay ♪

♪ I just adore
a penthouse view ♪

♪ darling, I love you,
but give me park Avenue ♪

♪ the chores ♪

♪ the stores ♪

♪ fresh air ♪

♪ Times Square ♪

♪ you are my wife ♪

♪ goodbye, city life ♪

♪ green acres,
we are there ♪

Mr. Drucker.

Mr. Drucker.

Mr. Drucker. Open up.

I'm comin'.

Darned fool,
it's the middle of the night.

[Knocking on door]

Doggone it.

Mr. Drucker.

[Inaudible]

What'd you say?

I said, "eb, what
do you want?"

I wanna pick out
a birthday present.

At 4:30
in the mornin'?

Is it that late?

Mr. Drucker, do you
have any, uh...

Hey. Did you have
a party in here
last night?

No, I didn't.

What kind of present
did you want?

Do you still have
those transistor radios?

Uh, yeah.

Here you are. $9.

Is that the best
one you got?

Um, no.

This is $14.

That's perfect.

Fine. Uh, whose
birthday is it?

Mine.

Congratulations.

You're buying yourself
a pretty expensive
present, aren't you?

I ain't buying it for me.
Mr. Douglas is.

Oh. Does he want me
to put it on his bill?

No. He don't know
he's buying it
for me yet.

He don't--

(eb)
I'm gonna let him
surprise me with it.

What?

He'll probably come
rushing in here
in a little while

and say,
"I need a birthday present."

And all you've gotta do
is push this on him,

and all I'll have to do
is act surprised
when he gives it to me.

How do you know
he's going to buy you
a present?

He's bound to,
when he finds out
today's my birthday.

He doesn't know?

He will as soon
as he wakes up.

I left a few hints for him
around the house.

What the--

"Today's the day"?

What was that?

I broke my balloon.

Oh, boy.

Go back to sleep.

[Snapping]
Ow!

What happened?

There's a mousetrap on my toe.

Oliver, you promised me
you wouldn't take a drink
until the sun went down.

I didn't.
Go back to sleep.

"Drucker's opens at 6 A.M."?
What's going on here?

Birthday present?

Holy smoke.
It's Lisa's birthday.

Mr. Drucker.

Mr. Drucker.

I'm comin'.

Doesn't anybody ever
sleep around here?

Oh, for the love of...

Mr. Drucker.

Oh, Mr. Douglas.
I don't open till 7:00.

It said 6:00
on the mousetrap.

Uh, come in.
Come in.

Thank you.

Well!

No, I didn't have
a party here
last night.

Well, uh,
I want to buy
a birthday gift.

Oh, yeah.

Now, what I had
in mind--

here you are.

That'll be $14.

Oh, no, no.
I don't want
a radio--

but--

uh, how about one
of those new portable
electric hair dryers?

I--i think the radio
would be a better gift.

No. What I wanted was...
Oh.

Do you think a pair of--
of nice sheer silk stockings
would do the trick?

I doubt it.

You can't go wrong
with a radio.

How about a compact
with a powder puff
and a lipstick?

I don't think
I have the right shade.

Why don't I just
wrap up the radio?

If you really think--

it can always
be exchanged.

I guess the important thing
is that, uh, I didn't forget
to get a gift.

Hi.

Well, hello.

Where were you this morning?
I woke up and you were gone.

Well, I had
some things to do.

Uh, how do you
feel today?

Fine.

You feel any older?

Well, that's a nice thing
to say to someone

who just spent an hour
putting her young on.

You don't look a day
older than the day
I married you.

Were you out
all last night?

No, I...

Look here.

Happy birthday.

Thank you.

What're you putting it
in the refrigerator for?

I'm saving it.
For my birthday.

Well, isn't
today your--

3 months from now.

How about the balloon
tied to my finger

and the mousetrap
on my big toe?

I don't know
where you were
last night,

but it must have been
some party.

Lisa.

You must have been
pretty smashed.

I wasn't smashed,
and I wasn't out.

That's a nice thing to do
to yell at me at my birthday
3 months from now.

Well, if it's not
your birthday,
whose birthday is it?

Good mornin'.
Do I look
any older?

Oh, no.
How stupid
could I be?

I don't know.
We've never pushed you
to your full capacity.

Did you tie that balloon
to my finger?

I don't know.
What color was it?

Eb.

Oh. Can I have
the mousetrap back?
I need it for my room.

Eb, is it really
your birthday?

Let me see.
Yeah, I guess it is.

You guess it is?

Happy birthday.

Boy, what a birthday.

A kiss from you,
and a radio
from Mr. Douglas.

How do you know
about the radio?

Uh, what radio?

Oh, for crying out...

[Sighs]

Happy birthday.

I thought that was
my birthday present.

So did I, but it
didn't work out
that way.

You like it?

I'd like it better
if it was
the $14 one.

It is
the $14 one.

Then I like it.
Thanks.

♪[Music playing]

(Dennis)
this is Sam Dennis at wpixl,

the hot breath
of pixley.

♪[Jingle playing]

Music lovers, today
we're starting our big
name the song contest.

During the next 2 days
we're gonna play
12 different records.

Identify them all
and win the grand prize.

We're gonna start you off
with an easy one.

If you recognize it,
call it in to wpixl.
Here we go.

♪[Song playing]

I know that. It's
you're my pizza momma.

I gotta call.

What's a pizza momma?

Who knows?

♪[Music playing]

Eb, weren't you
supposed to spray--

eb, I'm talking
to you.

Eb!

You don't have
to yell, Mr. Douglas.
I can hear you fine.

Weren't you supposed
to spray--

♪[jingle plays]

(Dennis)
it's 10:24.
Wpixl, big-time.

♪[Jingle plays]

Here that? Time for our
2nd contest platter.
Here she is.

♪[First song
playing again]

I know that.
It's horsefly blues.

No. That sounds
like pizza momma.

Boy, have you got
a thin ear.
I gotta call.

♪[Music playing]

♪[Jingle playing]

(Dennis)
time for another
contest platter

in our big, big, big
wpixl 12-song contest.

If you know it,
get that call in.

Maybe you'll be
the grand prize winner.

♪[First song playing]

Eb, will you shut
that radio--

shh!

I know it.

You must be a girl
because your hair is
shorter than mine.

I've gotta
call it in.

He let it fall
right on my head.

Well, if he knew the song,
he had to make the call.

Why did I ever
give that stupid--

♪[music playing]

Turn that down.

Yes, sir.
Mr. Douglas, I...

What happened
to you?

Well, I'll tell you
what happened to me.
You--

♪[jingle plays]

Later.

(Dennis)
and here's your next
contest record.

Get those calls in to wpixl.
Remember our phone number:

2-4-7, ring 3.

♪[First song playing]

Hey, that's

3-foot-2, eyes of purple,
has anyone seen my
martian gurple?

Gurple?

What else rhymes
with purple?

Eb, will you--

I gotta call.

Eb is really enjoying
his birthday.

He'd better.
It may be his last.

[Mooing]

♪[Music playing]

Eb, I thought I told you
to turn that radio off.

[Mooing]

I might miss
one of the 12
contest records.

I'm sorry. No more
playing that radio
while we're working.

But, Mr. Douglas,
i--i--

may I remind you
that good jobs
are hard to find?

I know. That's why
I took this one.

I don't wanna hear another
word about it. Now come on,
we gotta spray the corn.

Suppose they play
a contest record
while I'm out?

That's just too bad.

That' s all right
for you to say. You've got
everything you want.

But I have to win contests
to get the necessities
of life.

Out!

[Tractor backfiring]

[Tractor engine sputtering]

Stupid...

Ok. Get off.

I am off.

[Muttering]

Nice way to treat a guy
on his birthday.

Well, I'm sorry.

Can I have the rest
of the day off?

No!

Then you can't
be very sorry.

All right, take the rest
of the day off.
I'll milk Eleanor.

♪[Eb whistling]

I thought you were
gonna take the rest
of the day off.

I am. I just wanted
to get my radio.

It's not here.

Where'd you hide it?

I didn't hide it.

Must be there
somewhere.

♪[Music playing]

Oh, you got it.

No.

Well, it's playin'.

It's probably fallen
in the hay there.

(Dennis)
it's 3:18
wpixl big-time.

And here's one
of your all-time
favorites, the gumbos

and gooney, gooney,
you drive me looney.

Gooney, you're driving me...

♪[Song playing]

[Mooing]

I can't find it.

I think I did.

Where is it?

Come here and listen.

Holy smoke. You fed
my radio to Eleanor.

I didn't feed it
to her.

Then what's that
playing in there?

She ain't wired
for sound.

It must have fallen in the hay
and she ate it.

(Lisa)
Oliver, I...

Oh, that's
a pretty song.

Is it from a picture?

No. It's from
Eleanor's stomach.

What?

Mr. Douglas fed her
my radio.

[Moos]

I didn't feed it
to her. Uh, she
ate it accidentally.

Well, you'd better
turn it off.

How am I gonna
turn it off?

Well, how did
you turn it on?

I didn't
turn it on.

I just started playing
when i--

well, that must be
the on switch.

Which is the
off switch?

There isn't any
off switch.

[Moos]

Oh, poor Eleanor.
Doesn't that hurt her?

No, no. Cows are
like goats. They eat
all kinds of junk.

That's no way to talk
about my $14 radio.

If I'd known she was
gonna eat it, I would've
bought the $9 one.

Oliver, what
could we do?

♪[Jingle playing]

[Moos]

Quiet, Eleanor.
They're gonna play
a contest record.

(Dennis)
put on those thinking caps,
music lovers.

Can you identify the next
wpixl contest platter?

Listen and call.

♪[First song playing]

I know that.

I've got knobs on my knees
from riding a surfboard
with you.

[Moos]

Don't worry, darling.

During the commercial,
you can take a good rest.

Lisa, will you
put the light out?

I'm reading.

I wanna go
to sleep.

As soon as I finish
this chapter.

If you wanna read,
why don't you go
in the other room?

If you want to sleep,
why don't you
go there?

Please.

Oh. What a grouch.

Oliver?

What?

Do you think eb
enjoyed his birthday?

Why shouldn't he?

I didn't make him
a birthday cake.

That's probably why
he enjoyed it.

Would you care to discuss
that last remark?

No, I wouldn't.
Good night.

♪[Music playing]

Oliver, I think
Eleanor is outside.

♪[Music playing]

Eb, what are you doing?

Dancing to Eleanor.

What are you doing here?

They're gonna have
another contest record
at 11:50

and I wanted to be
close to the phone.

Eb, we're trying
to get--

I've got 9 right so far.
3 more, and I win 1st prize.

Take Eleanor back
to the barn.

Oh, poor Eleanor.
You're still playing?

[Moos]

She looks so tired.
Is there any way
we could turn her off?

They go off the air at 12:00.

Good. Then you can have
a good night's sleep.

[Moos]

If it's all the same to you,
I'd like to get
a little sleep myself.

♪[Jingle playing]

(Dennis)
and here's
contest platter #10.

If you know it,
phone it in.

♪[First song playing]

That's the same--

no, it's not.

That's don't lose your cool
when you drop out
of school.

Eb knows them all.

Yeah. He's the Leonard
Bernstein of hooterville.

♪[Jingle plays]

(Dennis)
the lines are open.
Get those calls in.

And while you're phoning,
let me tell you why we're
having this contest.

Yes. Why?

To celebrate our new
broadcasting policy,

starting at midnight tonight,
5 minutes from now,

wpixl starts broadcasting
24 hours a day.

Count 'em: 24 hours.

[Eleanor moos]

♪[Music playing]

Oh, hi, Mr. Kimball.

Hey, you left
your radio on
in your car.

Uh, no. The radio's
in Eleanor.

Oh, I thought it was
a car radio. But it's
a cow radio.

Boy, they sure
have improved things.

I remember when they
used to put radios in cars.
They'd drill holes

and pull the wires through.
Now they install them
in your cow, huh?

Yeah, I bet they didn't
have to drill any holes
in Eleanor, huh?

No, she just
swallowed it.

That simple, huh?
Boy, what'll they
think of next?

Yeah, I'm sure--

say, I know
that song.

That's cow cow boogie.

♪[Whistles]

No. That's brahms' 4th.

Or could be Beethoven's 5th.

Well, I guess after the
4th fifth, it doesn't make
any difference who wrote it.

Mr. Kimball, will you
excuse me? We've gotta
take Eleanor to the vet.

Is she sick?

I told you, she's got
a radio in her stomach.

Where'd she get that?

Well, I bought it for--

well, you shouldn't
have done it.

You buy a radio
for a cow's stomach

and the next thing
you know, she'll
want t.V.

Mr. Kimball, please.

Boy. She's sure
got a good tone, huh?

A.M. and f.M.?

No, just, uh--

when you take her
to the vet,

I'd have him take a look
at her woofer.
I think it's off.

Yeah. I'll--I'll
do that.

Oh, hello, Mr. Kimball.

Oh, hi,
Mrs. Douglas.

Isn't that too bad
about Eleanor?

What's the matter with her?

She's playing music.

Oh, that.

Do you think
she'll be all right?

Oh, yeah. Animals swallow
a lot of strange things.

I remember this horse.
Ate a whole keg of nails.

He followed
a truckload of magnets
all the way to Chicago.

Lisa, come on.

Excuse me.

Move over.

Eleanor.

[Car engine starts]

Oh, Mr. Douglas.
I can give you
one piece of advice.

If the vet can't get the radio
out of Eleanor,

why don't you try
to get another cow
with another radio?

Then you'd
have stereo.

Uh, yeah, uh, see you around.

Mr. Douglas!
Mr. Douglas!

Doggone.

Mr. Kimball,
could you drop me off
at the vet's?

What's the matter?
Don't you feel well?

No. I'm ok.
I have to keep
listening to Eleanor.

They're gonna play
another contest record
at 10:30.

♪[Music playing]

Well, doc?

It's lodged here
in her 2nd stomach.

What did she do
with her first one?

Nothing.
You see, a cow
has 4 stomachs.

I didn't know that.
Did you?

Oh. Of course.

You didn't. You're
only saying that

because you don't
want the doctor
to think that you're dumb.

No, I'm not just
saying that.
I knew that.

If you had, you wouldn't keep
a thing like this to yourself.

Uh, doctor, uh,
never mind Eleanor.

See what you can do
for my wife.

I beg your pardon?

How's Eleanor?

Well, it doesn't seem
to be affecting her any.

There's nothing
to worry about.

I think the digestive juices
in her stomachs

will eventually
disintegrate the set.

What about in the meantime?
The poor thing
hasn't slept all night.

Well, I can give her
a shot. A tranquilizer.

Fine.

I'll have to get
my hypo.

♪[Music continues playing]

Did I miss it?

Miss what?

♪[Jingle playing]

No, I didn't.

(Dennis)
time for record #11 in our
name the song contest.

We're coming down
to the wire,
so get those answers in.

Here it is.
Do you know it?

♪[First song playing]

They're saving
the hard ones
for last.

Doggone, I know that.

What is it?

If you'll hold her head,
I'll give her a shot
in the rump.

That's it.

I ought to give you
a shot in the head for
makin' me live in this dump.

Where's you phone, doc?

In there.
Thanks.

What was that
all about?

Well, Eleanor has
a song contest in her stomach,
you see, and--

give her the shot, doc.

[Mooing]

Don't look, Eleanor.

What you can't see
can't hurt you.

♪[Music continues playing]

Poor Eleanor.
That's the first
good sleep she had.

I wish her stomach
would go to sleep.

Come on, eb.
We've wasted enough time.
We've got a lot of work to do.

I ain't leaving Eleanor.

What?

I gotta wait
for the last contest record.

Eb.

I'm sorry, Mr. Douglas,
but I told you
what the station said

when I called in
the last title:

I'm tied for 1st place
with another fellow.

We've both got 11 right.

And if I get the last one
and he doesn't,
then I win the grand prize.

What is the
grand prize?

I don't know. They haven't
announced that yet.

Well, how do
you know it's
worth it?

♪[Jingle plays]

Shh.

(Dennis)
and here's the moment
you've been waiting for,

the last platter in wpixl's
name the song contest

and what a grand prize it is:

One week's vacation
in exciting
Las Vegas, Illinois.

Las Vegas, Illinois?

Wow!

I thought Las Vegas
was in Utah.

Nevada.

Well then,
what did he say
Illinois for?

Because he--

(Dennis)
here we go--

[Eleanor hiccups]

(Male announcer)
You are listening to kcsdl,
the county-seat station.

She switched stations!

Change it back
to pixley, Eleanor.

How do you
expect her--

your car radio!

Doggone it.
Hold the contest.

(Dennis)
so you can stop calling.

The contest is over
and we have a winner:

Ben frogmeyer
of pixley.

Congratulations, Ben,

you'll soon be on your way
to beautiful Las Vegas,
Illinois.

Ben frogmeyer.

Did you win, eb?

No, I was too late.

Oh, that's too bad.

Some birthday.
I lost my radio,
I lost the contest.

And now I'll
never get to see
Las Vegas, Illinois.

Eb, that's a shame.

But those are
the little things
that life--

[moos]

Eleanor.

What are you doing
out of bed?

Yeah. Go back to bed,
you stupid cow.

Double-crosser.
Radio eater.

Eb, w--
hey, wait a minute.

(Oliver)
She stopped playing.

Well, like the doctor said.
The radio disintrogated it.

Well, that's
pretty close
to what he said.

A $14 radio
turned to milk.

I'll tell you what, eb.
I'll give you another $14
to buy another radio.

Thanks, Mrs. Douglas.

I'll go and get
my purse.

W-Wait a minute.
I'll give him the $14.

You too?
That's $28.

Now I can get
the A.M.-f.M.-Shortwave job.

No, eb--

I'll go tell Mr. Drucker
to order it.

Eb, w-wait.
Eb, wait. I--

oh, darling,
let him have it.

All right.

Oh, you're a nice man.

Yeah. Thank you.

You want to kiss me?

Well, there's
nothing else to do.

[Eleanor hiccups]

♪[Music playing]

Oh, for...

Just like in the movies,
Oliver. Everything
ends happily.

The fellow kisses the girl,

and the cow's stomach
starts to play music.

Yeah.

Television has
a long way to go
to catch up.

[Mooing]

(Lisa)
this has been a filmways
presentation, darling.