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05x06 - No Guts, No Cory

Posted: 07/11/21 20:42
by bunniefuu
Those darn hippies.
They talk about free love,

then they want me to chip in for
gas, like I've got a wallet.

Hypocrites.

And so the United States
entered World w*r II

on December , .

As FDR said,

"A day that will
live in infamy."

(BELL RINGS)

I want to thank those of you who brought
in some of your family mementos.

It helped to show
that this w*r

was not just
a point in history,

but an event that touched all our lives.
Thank you.

Hey, listen, can I see that picture
of your grandparents again?

Sure.

Wow.

They look very much in love.
Yeah. They still are.

You know, he asked her to marry
him on December , .

Wait, I know that date.
Help me out here.

Pearl Harbor, the day
that will live in infamy.

Feeny was just
talking about it.

You listened
to Feeny.

Oh, my God.
I listened to Feeny.

Wait. So how old were they
when they got married?

They were our age.

Wow.

Hey, kitty,
are you lost?

You know, Cory, my grandpa never
knew if he'd make it home,

but that's the way
it was back then.

People never knew how their
lives would turn out.

I know. I don't know how I'd
handle living back then.

You know, I wonder what it was
like during World w*r II.

And away we go.

Come again?

Well, I said I'm glad the US of
A ain't mixed up in this w*r

because I could never be
away from my best gal.

I could never be
away from you, kiddo.

Attention, everyone.

Please?

It is with great sadness
that I must inform you

that the United States
has entered the w*r.

May God be
with us all.

Cory, we're going down to enlist.
Uncle Sam wants us.

I wasn't going to go, but he
was pointing right at me.

We're going to defend our country, Cor.
Are you coming with us?

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

So that's it.
We ship out tomorrow.

So that's it.
We ship out tomorrow.

Oh, no. Surely the
Army can make do

without at least
one of my men.

They wouldn't take me.

I have flat feet
and I'm too ticklish.

Apparently,
I'm a t*rture risk.

Eric, you'll be staying home with me?
(GIGGLING)

(SIREN WAILING)

Air raid! Air raid!

Take it easy, everybody. Stay calm.
It's just me.

Practicing to be
neighborhood air raid warden.

They say I can
keep this if we win.

Everybody's doing their part in this w*r.
I wanna help.

I'm gonna go back to that
recruitment office and tell them

that a little
case of flat feet

isn't going to
stop Eric Matthews

from fighting
those evil Canadians.

I have a feeling
it's not the flat feet.

Hi, everyone.

Cory, did you
hear the news?

Glenn Miller and his big band
orchestra are coming to town.

What do you
say we go?

Jeepers, why you guys
looking at me all funny?

Cory, you didn't
tell Topanga?

Tell me what?

Topanga, I enlisted.
I'm going to w*r.

But you said you
couldn't be without me.

We were going to
be together forever.

Topanga, there's some
things you just gotta do.

(SINGING)

Operator?

Yes. Connect me to Miss Topanga
Lawrence at Zenith- - .

No answer, huh?

Golly.

You can drive from Philly
to Cleveland in a week,

but they don't have a machine
that can take a message.

Don't worry, Cory.

That dame loves you
up to the sky and back.

She wouldn't let you ship
out without saying goodbye.

Yeah. Well, I ain't
just saying goodbye.

Don't say "ain't."
Your mother will faint.

Just because
you're in the Army

doesn't mean you have
to talk like a sailor.

Yeah. Sure, I could've shipped
out with the other joes,

but the fact is I'm on
a secret mission here.

I'm guarding
the Philadelphia Bell.

You mean
the Liberty Bell?

I've said too much already.
(GIGGLING)

Okay, it's the Liberty Bell.
It's the Liberty Bell.

Rats.

Eric, I just heard
about the mental thing.

You mean
my flat feet?

Yeah. That's it.
The flat feet.

Wish I was going with you,
Jack, fighting the good fight.

You would have
made a great soldier.

I would have loved to
have had you by my side.

You still can, pal.
Here.

It's a picture of me. I want
you to bring it with you,

put it in the foxhole
over your bed.

People will talk.

I know. That's a
great picture of me.

Before you ship out,

I want to wish our boys
courage, perseverance

and a safe trip home.

And during the lull
in the fighting,

I'd like
a thousand-word essay

on "what I did during
my summer in Europe."

And, boys, remember,
"please" and "thank you."

Just because you're at w*r doesn't
mean you can't be polite.

I give the orders now, Amy.
All right, everybody!

Let's load the buses
and head to Europe!

Please!

Thank you!

Well, come on, Cor.
We gotta hit the road.

Topanga's not here yet.

Maybe she doesn't love me
the way I thought.

Of course I love you,
you big lug.

I wouldn't let you leave
without a proper goodbye.

Listen, I'm not just
saying goodbye.

There's something
I need to ask you.

Name it, cupcake.

I know we're young,

but we still
love each other.

Now, these are crazy times.
Who knows what's gonna happen?

Cory, what are you
trying to say?

Marry me, Topanga.

You want me to be
Mrs. Cory Matthews?

More than anything
in the world.

(ERIC GIGGLING)
Stay off of the bus!

All right!
Stop tickling!

Let's go, soldier.
We're pulling out.

Topanga,
I need an answer.

Yes, Cory,
I'll marry you.

I'll be right here
waiting for you,

and when you return, we'll have
the rest of our lives together.

MALE ANNOUNCER: They came from all
states, our proud fighting men.


They have optimism
in their hearts

and only one thing
on their minds.

He's just
my roommate, okay?

All right,
you dog faces.

Brooklyn,
distribute the K-rations.

One can per person
and no belly-aching.

Cory, your mom sent you a Waldorf
salad, dressing on the side.

I have a little trouble
keeping the K-rations down.

So, Cory...

Any word
from Topanga?

Not yet, and every day that goes
by that I don't hear from her,

I miss her
that much more.

This man's hurting!

Any of you other mugs got a hard-luck
story of a loved one left behind?

He's just
my roommate.

You know what,
Shawn, I can't expect

the mail to be on time
with a w*r on, right?

Mail call!

Anything for Cory Matthews?

Maybe.

Looks like this girl
Topanga's got it bad for you.

You read my mail?

Something's gotta get
me through this w*r.

Give me that.

TOPANGA: My dearest Cory,

I can only count the
days until you return.


Every night I dream
about the future.


A house in the country,
children playing in the yard,

someone to grow old with...

Hey, pipe down, will you?
We got letters, too.

Sorry.

(WHISPERING) Please come home soon.
Love, Topanga.


(EXPLOSIONS)

Incoming!

Man your battle stations. It looks
like we've got a w*r on our hands.

Cory,
keep your head down.

You don't want to make Topanga a
widow before you even marry her.

Shawn, listen to me.

I made Topanga
a lot of promises, okay?

Now, if I don't
come back and you do,

I need you to do
something for me.

Sure, pal. Anything.

Marry her.

Wait a minute.
She's your sweetheart.

Cory, I wouldn't
feel right about that.

Kissing her would be
like kissing you.

Hey, you. I said
nothing about kissing.

I just want you
to marry the gal.

Topanga's a real peach,

she deserves everything
she's ever dreamed of.

Okay.

I'll marry her.

Amy. You're riveting.

Well, thank you.

No, no.
I mean you're riveting.

Well, I decided to
join the w*r effort.

Well, why aren't you down
at the airplane factory

with Rosie and
the other ladies?

Those lazy so-and-sos.
They ought to be ashamed.

The second the whistle blows,
off they go to feed their kids.

Oh, George,
I miss Cory and Alan.

Well, I'm sure you must get
some comfort from Eric.

Well, the Liberty Bell
is safe for another day.

The enemy managed to put a crack
in it while my back was turned,

but I spackled that
puppy right back up.

Sabrina, pick up! Come on.
I know you're there. Pick up!

It's a boy.
Okay, it's a cat.

I'm stuck in the ' s
and I'm dying here.

They haven't invented
kitty litter yet.

(PLAYING HARMONICA)

You really miss her,
don't you?

You don't play the harmonica
when you're happy.

Well, this w*r's
gonna be over soon, Cory.

You'll be back in the arms of your
sweetheart before you know it.

Hey, Shawn.

Feast your eyes on this.

Wow! That's some fancy ring.
Where'd you get it?

cr*cker Jack box.
You know something?

I can hardly wait to slip this
little number on her finger.

If ever two people belong
together, it's you and Topanga.

Okay, but don't you forget
your promise to me.

I know. I know.
We'll get hitched.

Thanks.

Big news!
Turn on the radio. Hurry.

MAN ON RADIO: Once again,
the w*r in Europe is over.

(ALL CHEERING)

Yes! Yes!

Topanga, you hear that?
I'm coming home!

Last one back to Philly
is a rotten egg!

Wait! Cory,
you forgot your ring!

MAN ON RADIO: The cease-fire
will commence in hours.


Wait! Cory!
Come back!

Cory!

ANNOUNCER: While many celebrate
victory for the Allies,


for others, the transition
to peace is more difficult


as time marches on.

Amy, I'm begging you.

The w*r's over. There ain't
nothing left to rivet.

Did you rivet
the door again, darling?

Alan, if I stop riveting, it
means the w*r really is over

and Cory's
not coming home.

Jack, you defended our country.
You brought back a medal.

I'm proud of the work
your boys did over there.

And the boys in Europe
are really proud

of the work you did
defending the bell.

Hug, soldier?

No.

Any word, Mrs. Matthews?
I'm all busted up inside.

Any minute now, I just know he'll
be walking through that door.

He won't be able
to open it, Amy.

Well, I guess I've put
this off long enough.

Topanga, I need to
ask you something.

What's on your mind?

Will you marry me?
(ALL GASPING)

I probably should have mentioned
it was Cory's last wish.

ALL: Oh.

If it's what
Cory wanted.

He couldn't wait to put
this ring on your finger.

It's swell.

If you blow into it,
it makes a siren sound.

You're not happy.

You're not Cory.

Well, I guess
we should make plans.

Hey, if I had
things my way,

Cory would walk in
the day after the honeymoon

and have the whole
thing annulled.


Eric, Cory is Topanga's
one true love.

I just know
my son is out there

waiting for someone
to rescue him.

If you want
to be a hero,

you go to Europe and find
him and bring him home.

More kisses,
my darling Pierre.

Oh, what the heck?
Why not one more?

But now you must get
back to your painting.

Who cares about work when
you're French and in love?

But the doctor says the painting
might help restore your memory.

The canvas
tells me nothing.

All I remember is
waking up naked,

my clothes
burned to a crisp,

and I was speaking
perfect French.

You really think you were
speaking perfect French?

Well, nobody's perfect.
Lighten up, Versailles.

My shorts were on fire.

Well, you do
remember something.

And what about this
portrait you started?

Yes. The girl...

A phantom from a dream.

You know, Versailles, every night
I wake up in a cold sweat,

seeing her face,
hearing her voice.

Maybe she's
your one true love.

Mr. and Mrs. Matthews,
any word yet?

No.
We have to face it.

Cory is...
No.

I know my son is still alive,
and he loves this girl.

There. I said it.

It's time.

(BRIDAL MARCH PLAYING)

Six months ago,
we were allies.

Suddenly all the French
have attitudes.

What exactly is
an ugly American?

No idea.

Hey, lady, come on, the regular!
Chop-chop. Let's go.

Eric, we're here
to find Cory.

You know something? You're right.
Lady! Come on. Back it up.

Have you seen
this fellow?

Oh.

He looks familiar.

No. We don't get
many ghosts in here.

Eric, you've been
showing everyone

a picture of Cory in
his Halloween costume?

Yeah.
It's pretty scary, huh?

I should just take a picture of that guy.
He looks a lot like Cory.

Eric, look closer.

You're alive!

My Cory!

Hey! Hey!
I don't know any Cory.

I am Pierre, the tortured,
French-speaking artist.

No. No, no, no.
You're Cory Matthews,

my kid brother
from the US of A

whose girlfriend's
getting hitched.

We've gotta get you
home before she does.

Versailles, tell these
American tourists who I am!

Pierre, I knew this
day would come.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

I'm sorry.
I only speak French.

Pierre, if this is the way
for you to find peace,

you must go.
No! No, Versailles.

The way for me to find peace is to put
an end to all the dreams that haunt me.

Versailles, make me the happiest
tortured Frenchman in all of Paris.

Marry me.

Well,
Shawn marrying Topanga.

This is weird.

On the other hand,
who would have thought,

as principal, that I
could perform marriages.

Wait. I object.

Mrs. Matthews,
I can't do this.

Cory's alive.
I can feel it.

When you love somebody,
you just know.

That's why I sent Eric.

Mom, think about
what you just said.

As brother of the groom,
I'm pretty sure I'm ordained

to perform
the wedding ceremony.

This is what you want,
yes, Pierre?

Yes, of course.

A house in the country,

kids playing in the field,
someone to grow old with.

What's wrong
with you, Pierre?

Nothing. Nothing.
Of course it's what I want.

I want to spend the
rest of my life with you.

Is that
what you want?

Topanga!
Topanga!

Look, Mom, I'm performing
a wedding ceremony.

Eric, go home.

I recognize this girl.

She's the one
from your painting.

Perhaps...

But I don't remember.

Maybe you'll
remember this.

It seems familiar.

Versailles,
what do you got?

Cory Matthews, if you
think for one minute

that I'm going to stand here...
Topanga!

Where am I?
The last thing I remember,

I was climbing out of
a foxhole to see you,

and then, oh, my gosh,
I'm in heaven.

Cory, you're alive.
You just lost your memory.

Yeah, but what about Shawn?
What about the promise?

Cory, I could never
be with anybody else.

All those things
I'd ever dreamed about,

a house in the country,
kids playing in the yard,

they mean nothing to me
unless they're with you.

Me, too.

Well, I told you I'd come back.

I found you,
you big lug.

So, Cory, now that
the w*r is over,

what are you gonna
do about Topanga?

I'm gonna pop the
question all over again.

You got moxie, kid.

She's gotta know that I
really do care about her.

And I'm not just asking
because of some crazy w*r.

Topanga?

There's something
I really need to ask you.

Cory, you were going
to ask me something?

I found this really cool siren
ring in my cr*cker Jack box.

Would you like it?

Thanks.

I'll treasure it forever,
you big lug.

Everyone finds love and
romance in Paris except me.

I got to go somewhere where the
people are real and down-to-earth.

LA, here I come.

What a flight! Five and a half
hours behind a screaming kid.

Somebody ought to put him in a
cage and stick him down below.

Hey, are you famous?

Do people tell you you look like Tim Allen?
Because you do.

Where do I find Drew Carey?
I wanna have lunch with him.

He seems like a fun guy.

You gotta love LA.