05x06 - The Scratchmaker
Posted: 06/07/19 17:05
Previously on iZombie You tell your boss that Freylich brains equals zombie cures, and suddenly, these poor kids will be hunted.
This is the hub of Renegade's operation.
We have five zombie kids here who need tutoring.
Yes, I'm in.
Graham Moss, I hear you work for Renegade.
You work for us now.
Al Bronson, Bluster Magazine.
I'm gonna need an extension on the DeBeers profile.
I told you.
Blaine k*lled Baracus!
That means he also stole my cures.
What do you mean, no brains shipped?
It's because of the story.
Ten thousand zombies depend on the brains Blaine delivers into the city.
[Blaine]
Let's just admit it, we've all got a little monster in us.
[mob shouting]
[man]
He's a m*rder*r!
[indistinct chatter]
[cheerful music playing]
[Carol]
Excuse me, hon.
Excuse me.
Sidecar.
Give it some extra kick.
You got proof of ID?
Funny.
Sense of humor.
Unique fashion sense.
Owner, or just work here?
Kind of both.
- It's complicated.
- You're employed.
And yet, despite all that, let me guess single?
- How can you tell?
- It's my job.
I'm a matchmaker.
Some of my handiwork.
So, which way, boys or girls?
What?
[laughing]
What What So, girls.
Okay.
Yes, I see.
I think I have the perfect one for you.
One what?
The perfect girl for you.
Excuse me.
Mr.
Eberhard.
This is my son's wedding reception, and Yeah, just a second.
Perfect for me?
How do you even know?
Intuition.
Experience.
It's my job.
- If you're interested.
- [Don E]
So So, what, I just call you, and - Mr.
Eberhard!
- What?
It's my son's wedding reception, and there are people picketing outside.
The owner's had some bad press recently, so That Blaine DeBeers sounds like a monster.
Is he a monster?
[Blaine]
Am I a monster?
Maybe I've crossed a few lines [man]
Monster!
[Blaine]
But does that make me a monster?
- [mob shouting]
- [man]
You k*ller!
[Major]
Here's the situation.
Shipments of brains into Seattle have stopped.
We have supplies for three days.
I need you to tell me the details of your operation, so we can get the brains moving again.
You make these charges disappear and get me out of here, I'll have brain operations back up in a day.
'Cause I can't take it.
The break-room TV is just repeating the edited-for-television version of Snakes on a Plane.
You're toxic.
If I let you out, people will riot in the streets.
Well, I guess we're all screwed, monkey fighter.
You see?
Samuel L.
Jackson just doesn't work edited for TV.
[Blaine]
Without monsters, what would people even talk about?
The case of Carol Barbera, the m*rder*d matchmaker these two are working on?
Seen it.
But, if you insist.
So, did Major fill you in on the whole Blaine business?
Good riddance, I say.
Living the high life off the cures he stole from us.
I say, let him rot.
What?
Don't tell me you don't savor the idea of Blaine DeBeers spending some well-earned time in an unflattering jumpsuit.
I can deal with Blaine living the high life, as long as he kept the city from coming apart.
So, check it out.
That red button found at the scene, not hers.
Not hers?
Interesting.
[Blaine]
No, it's not.
We all know the drill.
You eat the brain, find clues blah-blah-blah, case closed.
But this isn't her story.
It's mine.
[opening theme music playing]
So, what's it like being the most hated man in Seattle?
I don't know.
I haven't talked to A-Rod in a while.
So, this is all a joke to you?
Not a very funny one.
Well, this is a waste of time.
We'll have a warrant for his house within 24 hours.
- Then he'll talk.
- [Blaine]
About what?
My Greene and Greene coffee table?
Or my Warhol Polaroids?
How about the mask your journalist friend took pictures of?
It's the same one I saw in a vision.
I know you k*lled the mayor.
Aren't you a little fertilized to be having visions?
Shut up.
Don't speak.
You know the drill, lawyer's here, you're out.
[S.
Cavanaugh scoffs]
Great talk, g*ng.
We all learned something.
Okay.
Fun fact.
No one in the history of the criminal justice system has ever gotten off as a result of a witticism or zinger.
Don't speak.
I've reviewed your case.
And from a legal angle, I've seen worse.
From a PR angle, I haven't.
I'm gonna need to do some fancy filing to see if I can swing bail.
In the meantime, what do you do?
- Speak?
- Don't speak.
I do have to get a message to an associate, though.
Oh.
Well, let me check.
[Blaine]
I'm pretty sure it's legal.
[Brandt]
No, I meant your retainer.
Did the check clear?
Yeah, you can tell me.
[Blaine clears throat]
"Three hundred and sixty-five degrees.
" That's the message?
You sure he's gonna get it?
Oh, yeah.
My guy is as sharp as a tack.
[groans]
Look, I don't know what you're talking about, I just work here.
You're Blaine's right-hand man.
I have a hard time believing you don't know how his system works.
I just do what he says.
It's brain's Blaines, man.
Or You know what I mean.
Look, I'd love to help, but Okay, look [clears throat]
I'm gonna leave this contract for you.
Same deal we had with Blaine.
It's a good deal.
And a chance to step up, be a hero.
Well, I'll have to ask Blaine, because it's Blaine's Brains?
Yeah, got it.
Gentlemen.
Let's make a deal.
Stacey Boss.
Stacey Boss.
Thought you were dead.
[laughs]
I was close.
You have no idea how hot a Bangladeshi summer is in a three-piece suit.
You've been hiding in Bangladesh?
"Hiding"?
Working.
Bangladesh, Sudan, Ukraine.
Anywhere there's brains, I've been.
That's how it works.
I procure, Don E distributes, Blaine does jack.
I'd be willing to solve your little problem, right here and now.
We cut Blaine out.
Don E and I handle the brains ourselves.
Everybody's happy, except Blaine.
The catch being?
A slight cost adjustment.
Say, double what you're paying Blaine?
We don't have the budget.
I can't agree to that.
I get it.
Budgets are stubborn things, but let me just say this.
When zombies start tearing humans limb from limb, my price is not likely to have come down.
Taken under advisement.
So, what'd you think?
I think I wish you'd told me about all this in advance.
Sorry, but the pitch demanded a dramatic entrance.
Are you in?
I don't know, cutting Blaine out You do all the work and reap no reward.
If the roles were reversed, would Blaine be as loyal to you?
But I don't know if Major's bluffing.
I mean, Blaine had a good deal.
- If they don't have budget - [Mr.
Boss]
You play poker, Don E?
- [Don E]
Not really.
- [Mr.
Boss]
We got a winning hand.
When you've got a winning hand, you don't fold.
[crowd shouting]
No!
No, we're not gonna take it anymore!
We're outraged!
Fun crowd outside.
Next time, use the back entrance.
There shouldn't be a next time.
I'm here on behalf of my client, Blaine DeBeers.
Tanner, where have you been?
Where's the booze?
I can't run a bar with just vermouth and this melon crap.
He wouldn't let me take it.
He says his payment didn't go through.
What?
Why didn't you just use the business card?
I tried.
None of them worked.
Get on the phone, call the bank Don't bother.
I've seen this before.
They've frozen Blaine's assets.
So, let me just give you this.
"Three hundred and sixty-five degrees.
" What?
Three hundred and sixty-five degrees.
I hope it means something to you, because he just used up his retainer.
Oh!
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
- Yeah?
Okay, I got it.
- Got it?
- [Don E]
Yeah.
[Clive]
Don E.
We need to ask you some questions about the death of a Mrs.
Carol Barbera.
Hey, free advice.
Don't speak.
m*rder*d.
The matchmaker, she was m*rder*d.
Can you believe it?
She's trying to make people happy, ends up thrown off a balcony.
[Clive]
Did you meet Mrs.
Barbera?
I poured her a drink.
She told me that she had my perfect match.
[gasps]
You're in her brain!
Please tell me you remember the name.
When she told me, I dropped the glass.
Come on, have a vision.
Nothing?
Come on!
Was there anything else you noticed that night?
She did have an argument with Candy.
At one point.
She's in the back.
I'd knock first.
I understand, General.
But the situation here is truly dire.
I can't state it any more bluntly.
We'll be out of brains in 48 hours.
After that, zombies might turn on the living.
Some might try to scale the wall.
I know that you think this is our problem, but it could end up being all of our problem.
Thank you, uh, Major.
We'll discuss it and get back to you later.
Or sooner, if you can.
I don't see why they haven't just taken care of these things already.
Maybe 'cause it's not that easy to go next door and m*rder your neighbor.
And we're talking about the lives of thousands of innocent humans.
Hostages.
We do still have brain stockpiled from before we cut 'em off.
General Mills, that sounds surprisingly temperate.
I believe "nuke 'em all" was your previous position.
It's just I figure, it could buy us some time.
I mean, I hear there's progress on the CDC end.
All right, so, Glenn is now willing to buy some time.
All right, moving on.
Next item.
I have good news and bad news.
Ah, good news.
I could use some good news.
I'll start with the bad news.
Your assets are frozen.
You're unable to pay my fee.
Come on, man.
You know I'm good for it.
I don't.
The good news is, I have an in with your judge, so, if I play ball and I go the extra mile, I think I can get you off this whole thing.
If you're able to pay my retainer.
Okay.
I guess I gotta make some calls.
You made your call.
But I can call whomever you'd like.
Money?
What money?
I don't have any money.
[on speaker]
Do you know how much I make?
Tell him I do know, I was obviously talking about the club account rainy day fund.
He means the rainy day fund.
Yeah, it's on fumes.
[on speaker]
All right?
We don't have any customers.
Our vendors are demanding cash upfront.
Tell him there's a red bag behind the panel under the Hefeweizen tap.
There's a bag under the Hefeweizen tap.
Should be 50 grand in there.
My client says there's 50 grand in there.
There's 40 grand.
[mouthing]
Don E Could you loan me $10,000?
- He wants you to loan him - $10,000?
Blaine, man, I'm not exactly rolling in dough.
Damn it, Don E!
Just give me the money.
He just wants you to get him the money.
[sighs]
[Don E]
Okay, fine.
I'll get it.
Okay.
What the hell is this?
Oh, no.
My beautiful, beautiful home.
So, we'll just be adding "destroying evidence" to the charges?
And why is that?
I'm the most hated man in Seattle.
Why wouldn't my house get torched?
You tweeted "Seattle has two days until brain supplies run out.
" How do you back up your claim?
The blue-collar workers in that plant are my friends and neighbors.
And they told me, "No more brains.
" Officials at the plant did not respond for comment.
Back to you.
So, Commander, the joint chiefs called while you were out.
Finally.
Alan, let's call back the joint chiefs.
Actually, sir, they, uh, left a message.
Basically, since it's the official position of the US government that Fillmore Graves is a t*rror1st operation, - they do not - So, no?
[Hobbs]
Yes.
No.
[TV reporter]
Many left are wondering if Oh, and, uh Looks like Blaine DeBeers made bail.
The house's in my ex-stepdad's name, so no one'll trace you here.
You can hang as long as you want.
Which will be zero minutes.
This makes me miss jail.
Oh, come on, it's not that bad.
It's private.
You got the TV.
The couch.
I spent some pretty good times down here.
I'm sure you did.
Right where you are now, me and Pam Hagler watched the One Tree Hill premiere.
- And I lost my - [Blaine]
If you continue, the scream I utter will shatter the universe.
Okay, fine.
I'm going to The Scratching Post.
I am on a yacht to Ibiza.
Blake Lively is hitching a ride.
[echoing laughter]
We're sharing a nice crisp Grüner.
[loud thud]
You must be Don's friend.
- [washing machine whirring]
- [sighs]
All right, so, give her the rundown.
And just keep in mind, if she doesn't pass, your boyfriend washes up in the lake.
Okay.
So, they're toughest with stuff they can double check.
Names.
Dates.
Addresses.
Stuff like that.
- You'll need to have that down pat.
- It's down.
That it?
Just questions?
If you pass the interview, they'll say you're in, then do a group toast.
But the shot they give you is laced with ghost pepper.
You'll need to react to prove you're human.
That it?
Yeah.
That's it.
I appreciate the warning, Commander Lillywhite, but I really don't need protective custody.
Yes, I'm aware what kind of man Blaine is.
Yeah.
I'll be fine, thank you.
Bye-bye.
[door slams]
My ears were burning right up.
[laughs]
What do you want?
What do I want?
You always did cut right to the chase, didn't you?
Okay.
I wanna scare you.
Yeah, I've k*lled people, your story was correct.
Hell, I'm probably gonna k*ll you, too.
Not now but soon.
I just wanted you to know, so you could spend whatever time you do have left in fear, knowing it's coming.
You really pissed me off.
'Cause I showed people who you really are.
Yeah, it was gonna happen.
Did you really think this whole charming-rascal act would work forever?
It worked on you.
It worked on me?
No.
I worked on you, dummy.
[laughs]
You sad daddy's boys are all the same.
You're so gullible.
- You don't know me.
- [woman]
Sure I do.
You're another two-bit homicidal thug who thinks he's unique because, deep down, you're special and you're different, and you deserve admiration.
Like, from Peyton Charles.
The great love of your life.
You know what she called you?
Her greatest embarrassment.
[laughs]
You are a goon, Blaine.
That's all.
Just an average, run-of-the-mill I can see the headline now.
"Child-k*ller shot dead.
" They would throw me a parade.
You can show yourself out.
[keyboard clacking]
Okay, hold it right there.
Really gotta work on that, Don E.
You were holding a g*n right at me and I wasn't scared at all.
What're you doing here?
Trying to solve my liquidity crisis.
I need that list of bidders from our zombie-cure auction, as we still got a few cures left.
Okay, now we're talking.
By the way, have you seen Lieutenant Bozzio lately?
Yeah, I do my best to steer clear, she scares me a little.
Yeah, well, she's pregnant.
- Did you know that?
- How does a zombie end up pregnant?
I assume in the normal way, just not as a zombie.
I read this article about this kid who died of some rare brain disease, which made her brain a zombie cure, and it got me thinking that Whoa!
Found it.
Okay.
We need to contact all the runner-up bids and we should be flush again by lunch.
- [laughing]
- Whew!
You get the stuff from the safe?
Tanner took care of it.
Tanner!
Bring in the stuff from the house.
Ah, you sent Tanner?
I was being tailed, it wasn't safe.
[whispering]
Tanner is capable.
Here it is.
Cleaned out the safe just like you said.
Cash, IDs.
Just give me the bag.
Sorry if some of the pages are wrinkled and stuff.
[inhales sharply and sighs]
Where are my cures, Tanner?
Four syringes, in a Ziploc bag.
Oh.
So, I'm going back over the bridge, cops pulled me over.
I got two strikes, I can't get caught with dr*gs.
So, I ditched 'em.
You You "ditched" them?
I tossed them off the bridge.
Don't worry, they won't find 'em.
[sighs]
[breathing heavily]
[yells]
Strike three, monkey fighter.
[Blaine panting]
You were supposed to handle this.
So, you take care of that.
You did this, Don E!
You did.
Of all the things I've missed about the First World, high-quality bourbon isn't the least.
We're still considered the First World?
[laughing]
You raise a good point.
But, hey, at least our hand remains strong.
With that crazy fish lady stirring the pot, it's just a matter of time before Fillmore Graves folds.
- So, I wanted - Get your feet off my desk.
You gonna tell me whose blood that is on your shirt?
Just a friend.
Oh, man, what I wouldn't give to go back to the old days.
Yeah.
When cops were cheap and the racketeerin' was easy.
And the Utopium wasn't cut down to basically pancake mix.
[laughs]
The stuff Beanpole Bob made?
[speaking Italian]
The Da Vinci of the drug trade.
[laughing]
Beanpole Bob.
I forgot about that guy.
Whatever happened to that weirdo?
Oh, the usual story.
Got into his own supply, fried his brain.
Hey, kid.
I respect your loyalty to Blaine, but there is serious money on the table here - and if we - Screw Blaine.
I'm in.
U-dub Law.
So, where did you live then?
Studio in Eastlake, off Edgar.
Stayed when I started as a public defender, 'cause I made zilch.
You do realize you'd be putting your life at risk to break the law if you joined our cause.
I get that.
I mean, I love the law, but I just wanted to make a real difference in something bigger.
Graham says you met in high school?
Uh, no.
No, we met at his school.
I volunteer there.
I love kids.
[Laughs]
You want kids of your own someday?
Uh, yeah.
I guess, yeah.
Someday.
[chuckles]
I sensed that.
Anyone in your life now?
[Riley]
Uh, no, not at the moment.
Because you're "focused" on your career?
No, that's just what you tell people because you don't want to settle.
You have standards.
Don't worry, we will help you find someone who meets them.
Should we maybe focus less on her love life and more on, say, her qualifications as a coyote?
Are they exclusive?
Little-known fact, urban coyotes mate for life.
So might this guy, thanks to me.
Oh, you are not taking credit for me and Peyton.
You tried to keep us apart.
So that you'd have to fight to be together.
- All part of my plan.
- [Blows raspberry]
So, um Is the interview over?
Did she pass or what?
- With flying colors.
- [chuckles]
Let's make it official.
We call this a "coyote baptism.
" Oh, my.
Hey, what's this hospitality?
The doctor needs his medicine, too, yeah?
We only have four glasses, so I think it's best you steer clear of the hard stuff, Doctor.
Thanks, Mum, but I can handle the hard stuff better than you Yankee lot.
[laughs]
If you say so.
To Riley!
[wheezes and coughs]
And now you've passed.
Just had to be sure.
[breath trembling]
Help.
Brain distribution issues with our new supplier are being resolved as we speak.
Until we're back up to full speed, we ask that you do ration the brain tubes you have.
[TV reporter]
Lillywhite's assurances come amid ongoing concerns about Seattle's brain supply.
CHICS leader Dolly Durkins stood by her own claims.
They're running out, and when they run dry, the zombies are going to come after us.
Surplus stores and g*n retailers are reporting record sales, and police reports of robbed graves have skyrocketed Looks like the alarmist view is carrying the day so far.
Things'll calm down once we get the brains flowing again.
[clears throat]
Yeah, speaking of.
Transcript from our bug in The Scratching Post.
Boss and Don E have cut DeBeers out of the operation.
[TV reporter]
Has Seattle finally reached the end of its tenuous zombie-human peace?
[sighs]
Hello, kiddo.
Uncle Stacey!
- I didn't know you were in town.
- Oh.
And I come bearing gifts.
The brain of Tibetan monk, said to have reached nirvana.
- [gasps]
- But a humble token of my gratitude for clearing Blaine off the board.
Please, it was my pleasure to eviscerate the douchebag.
Is the plan going okay?
Flawlessly.
Fillmore Graves is about to fold.
I sign a contract, resume the brain-flow, all that's left is us counting our money.
[laughs]
[rings bell]
Hi, can I help - You?
- Hi.
Cute shirt.
Does it say on the back what zombies get, or is it the same "dead fish" idea?
We don't serve your kind here.
Oh.
But if I have to shut you down for discrimination, you won't get to do any more of those fun little TV interviews.
$9.
50.
Excellent service.
Ah.
Keep the change.
All good, boys, they do serve zombies here.
Anyone hungry?
Mmm.
You think you and your jackbooted thugs can obstruct my business?
You brain-eating, undead abominations Jeez, Mom.
Just chill out.
You gave up the right to call me that when you became one of them.
You've been holding out on me, Murphy.
Dolly Durkins is your mother?
Not anymore, I guess.
- Wow.
- If I may speak freely, sir don't underestimate her.
She really hates zombies.
Are you mad?
Major's got a bit much on his plate for you to set him up on a blind date, and you barely know Riley.
I know she's perfect for him.
Smart, compassionate, wants to make the world better.
Loves children, and, let's be honest, she's not too tough on the eyes.
- She does sound perfect.
- [chuckles]
If only there were a zombie version of her.
Ugh, I know.
But let's not forget, Major has a proven willingness to go without sex for love.
I have a willingness to do what?
Oh, Major.
Do you want to meet a new friend of mine?
She's a lawyer.
- Matchmaker brain?
- [Ravi]
Yep.
Nailed it.
This is addressed to you.
- Ooh.
- I have a picture of her.
Liv, I appreciate the thought, but unless this girl can get a massive quantity of brains into the city overnight, I think I'll pass.
I'd put a ring on it, if she had some tainted Utopium.
Peyton would understand.
That reminds me, does the name "Beanpole Bob" mean anything to you?
No, why?
Name came up in an intel file.
The Da Vinci of Utopium, apparently.
Uh, I can ask Clive.
See if he knows a Beanpole from his Vice days.
[object clattering]
[Major]
Night-vision goggles?
Because the CDC couldn't find any trace of tainted Utopium in the vial I sent, I had the idea to sneak into Blaine's mansion and steal back my cure, with the assistance of a cat-burglar brain and a pair of Night-vision goggles.
You know I command a paramilitary force, right?
I could have gotten you those for free.
They're only 800 bucks.
And with UFreightEze Select membership, you can get literally anything delivered to your doorstep - in under 24 hours.
- [laughs]
I want to help this city in any way I can, Mr.
Lillywhite, but this sounds like it's beyond even me.
It might sound like it, Mr.
Griss, but See, we've disassociated with Blaine DeBeers, and our alternate brain supplier is too difficult.
I get it.
You need a supplier.
But here's the problem as I see it.
I have no clue how to get thousands of brains.
We'll get you a TV in a day, but our deliveries have the advantage of being legal.
I'm not a smuggler.
I wouldn't know where to begin.
What if I told you, none of that mattered?
[door closes]
Whoo!
This place is deader than we are.
Can I give the girls the night off?
See, that's the problem with your generation, there's no work ethic.
How old are you, exactly?
Old enough to know there's always a market in vice.
We just need a fresh start.
We need a makeover.
You know what my idea for a zombie brothel name would be?
Hmm?
Coldcocks.
Why, because of all the fights?
- [door slams]
- [mouthing]
What?
Oh, great.
Look, I told you what I know, and if you're not here to tell me my dream girl's name, then who cares?
Actually, we need to talk to her.
- Um, yeah.
- [Don E]
What about me?
Ha!
[Stammering]
- There you go.
- [exhales sharply]
- What'd you see?
- It was the skull.
I saw a tattoo.
A small, tasteful skull, right here.
Tattoos.
I love tattoos.
Wait, what about a name?
Did you see her name?
That's it.
Now She's got a tattoo.
[Clive]
You recognize this coat, Mrs.
Schwartz?
No, I don't.
Caring Light has cameras at their drop-off centers.
We have you on tape dropping it off.
Look, I told you, I was at the movies with Mavis Jannings, who left ten minutes into the show to meet her lover, Bernard Salkin.
Mutual alibis.
Mrs.
Schwartz, did you k*ll Carol Barbera?
She set up my son with a zombie!
Hold that thought.
[Mrs.
Schwartz sobbing]
- [breathing heavily]
- Hey, you okay?
[Dale]
Yeah, just You know, carrying a human being and all of its associated gestation materials inside me.
Sometimes, it's a bit uncomfortable.
- But it's not a big deal.
- Woman, please.
I got you.
Let me take you home.
Maybe, we stop off at the OB on the way, just to check?
Man, thank you, but I'm fine, - and - Hey.
- I said I got you.
- I heard.
Sounded kind of dorky both times, if we're being honest.
- I got you.
- I stand corrected.
Extremely dorky.
[laughs]
You wanna hear the rest, or Oh Go ahead, write it down.
It's been three days, they got to be out of brains by now.
When is Major gonna throw his hand in?
Patience, m'boy.
- Any minute now.
- [Candy]
Hey!
Have you guys seen these billboards?
Candy, men are talking business.
Sure, I just thought you'd want to see this first.
I'm no poker player, but it looks like We're screwed.
And UFreightEze will handle both the supply chain and shipping, which is, of course, their specialty.
I'll give you this, Lillywhite.
You got moxie.
But we both know Ty Griss can't handle this volume of brains.
Well, he doesn't have your network of Third World hospitals to plunder, but he's gone heavily into Western health care.
And he's including a brain donor card in every package.
There're millions of customers a day getting a direct appeal from one of the world's greatest philanthropists.
And he'll do it all for 90% of our original deal with Blaine.
So, unless you've got a better offer We'll do 80%.
Is that an official offer?
It is.
Hmm.
The billboards stay up.
We need a new face on the brain business.
I'll let the brain plant know to expect your next delivery tonight.
That's all.
Gotta know when to walk Know when to walk away And know when to run You never count your money when You're sittin' at the table There'll be time enough for countin' When the dealing's done [Don E]
What are you doing here?
Better question.
What is nobody else doing here?
We're open, aren't we?
Then why am I pouring my own drinks?
This used to be Tanner's shift.
Business has been under-booming since your big great profile came out.
We're trying some new ideas.
Which explains that.
I had to do something.
It's our only remaining source of income.
Speaking of which, I don't think it's good for business if people see you hanging around here.
So, maybe you can hang in the back with the girls, or in the office, - or you use the back door - You just said "our only" remaining source of income"?
You mean, besides the brain-smuggling, which represents the bulk of our profits?
That I mean.
We're out of the brain biz.
Please tell me you're not serious.
If you can tell me that you didn't let that reporter work you like a rented mule.
They got a new supplier, it's that billionaire UFreightEze guy.
There's billboards all over town.
Why'd you have to keep the mask?
You may be out of the brain biz.
[man moaning]
[woman moaning in pleasure]
[man]
Oh, yeah!
Okay.
[man]
Oh, yeah!
Wow.
[sighs]
[exclaims]
How'd you get in here?
And How long have you been standing there?
You left the door unlocked.
I came in around the time the riding crop came into play.
- Mmm.
- I won't keep you long.
I just need a contract drawn up.
I can't pay you right now, but I'll make your quo worth your quid pro.
[Deborah]
Counselor Stone.
I need you back in my chambers, and bring defense Exhibit D Oh.
[Brandt]
I'll be in in a second, Your Honor.
[all chuckling]
[Blaine giggling]
You really do go the extra mile, don't you?
All right, what contract do you need?
[screaming]
Hi!
Are you Darcy Bennet?
- I am.
- You got a minute?
Um.
Can you run to the dining hall and steal me a pack of instant ramen?
I'll be fine.
I'll be fine.
You're here about my Freylich brain, I assume.
I take it I'm not the first interested party to reach out.
So, what's your best offer so far?
One guy promised 50 grand to my family when I'm gone.
I see.
How does half a million sound?
Cash upfront.
Once my client meets you and signs off, the money's yours in exchange for ownership of your brain after your tragic, yet inevitable demise.
Hmm.
So, what, you were gonna keep this all a secret?
The big office, the lieutenant's chair.
Acting Lieutenant.
Just till Dale's back on her feet.
How is the LT mom-to-be?
She's good, baby's good.
But she's on bed rest for the duration.
Just as a precaution.
Well, she can't be too happy about that, but baby comes first.
Look at you, right at home.
Born to be Lieutenant Babineaux.
You need anything else, Liv?
Mmm.
A raise wouldn't hurt.
No.
- Can I have a g*n?
- No.
- Oh, how about a squad car?
- No.
- Diplomatic immunity?
- No.
Can I have [rich zombie]
Mr.
DeBeers.
I didn't expect results so quickly.
However, this was not our arrangement.
I bought a postmortem brain, not the pre-mortem human attached to it.
That's why they say to read the fine print.
You bought a Freylich brain upon the death of its owner.
I'm sure she'll kick the bucket any day now.
Or not.
I could consider expediting the process for a non-nominal fee, or I'd be happy to extend this offer to the next bidder.
Okay.
I can wait.
It's a deal.
I'll wire the money now.
[Blaine]
So, am I a monster?
Maybe I am.
Because sometimes, they just don't leave me any choice.
[closing theme music playing]
This is the hub of Renegade's operation.
We have five zombie kids here who need tutoring.
Yes, I'm in.
Graham Moss, I hear you work for Renegade.
You work for us now.
Al Bronson, Bluster Magazine.
I'm gonna need an extension on the DeBeers profile.
I told you.
Blaine k*lled Baracus!
That means he also stole my cures.
What do you mean, no brains shipped?
It's because of the story.
Ten thousand zombies depend on the brains Blaine delivers into the city.
[Blaine]
Let's just admit it, we've all got a little monster in us.
[mob shouting]
[man]
He's a m*rder*r!
[indistinct chatter]
[cheerful music playing]
[Carol]
Excuse me, hon.
Excuse me.
Sidecar.
Give it some extra kick.
You got proof of ID?
Funny.
Sense of humor.
Unique fashion sense.
Owner, or just work here?
Kind of both.
- It's complicated.
- You're employed.
And yet, despite all that, let me guess single?
- How can you tell?
- It's my job.
I'm a matchmaker.
Some of my handiwork.
So, which way, boys or girls?
What?
[laughing]
What What So, girls.
Okay.
Yes, I see.
I think I have the perfect one for you.
One what?
The perfect girl for you.
Excuse me.
Mr.
Eberhard.
This is my son's wedding reception, and Yeah, just a second.
Perfect for me?
How do you even know?
Intuition.
Experience.
It's my job.
- If you're interested.
- [Don E]
So So, what, I just call you, and - Mr.
Eberhard!
- What?
It's my son's wedding reception, and there are people picketing outside.
The owner's had some bad press recently, so That Blaine DeBeers sounds like a monster.
Is he a monster?
[Blaine]
Am I a monster?
Maybe I've crossed a few lines [man]
Monster!
[Blaine]
But does that make me a monster?
- [mob shouting]
- [man]
You k*ller!
[Major]
Here's the situation.
Shipments of brains into Seattle have stopped.
We have supplies for three days.
I need you to tell me the details of your operation, so we can get the brains moving again.
You make these charges disappear and get me out of here, I'll have brain operations back up in a day.
'Cause I can't take it.
The break-room TV is just repeating the edited-for-television version of Snakes on a Plane.
You're toxic.
If I let you out, people will riot in the streets.
Well, I guess we're all screwed, monkey fighter.
You see?
Samuel L.
Jackson just doesn't work edited for TV.
[Blaine]
Without monsters, what would people even talk about?
The case of Carol Barbera, the m*rder*d matchmaker these two are working on?
Seen it.
But, if you insist.
So, did Major fill you in on the whole Blaine business?
Good riddance, I say.
Living the high life off the cures he stole from us.
I say, let him rot.
What?
Don't tell me you don't savor the idea of Blaine DeBeers spending some well-earned time in an unflattering jumpsuit.
I can deal with Blaine living the high life, as long as he kept the city from coming apart.
So, check it out.
That red button found at the scene, not hers.
Not hers?
Interesting.
[Blaine]
No, it's not.
We all know the drill.
You eat the brain, find clues blah-blah-blah, case closed.
But this isn't her story.
It's mine.
[opening theme music playing]
So, what's it like being the most hated man in Seattle?
I don't know.
I haven't talked to A-Rod in a while.
So, this is all a joke to you?
Not a very funny one.
Well, this is a waste of time.
We'll have a warrant for his house within 24 hours.
- Then he'll talk.
- [Blaine]
About what?
My Greene and Greene coffee table?
Or my Warhol Polaroids?
How about the mask your journalist friend took pictures of?
It's the same one I saw in a vision.
I know you k*lled the mayor.
Aren't you a little fertilized to be having visions?
Shut up.
Don't speak.
You know the drill, lawyer's here, you're out.
[S.
Cavanaugh scoffs]
Great talk, g*ng.
We all learned something.
Okay.
Fun fact.
No one in the history of the criminal justice system has ever gotten off as a result of a witticism or zinger.
Don't speak.
I've reviewed your case.
And from a legal angle, I've seen worse.
From a PR angle, I haven't.
I'm gonna need to do some fancy filing to see if I can swing bail.
In the meantime, what do you do?
- Speak?
- Don't speak.
I do have to get a message to an associate, though.
Oh.
Well, let me check.
[Blaine]
I'm pretty sure it's legal.
[Brandt]
No, I meant your retainer.
Did the check clear?
Yeah, you can tell me.
[Blaine clears throat]
"Three hundred and sixty-five degrees.
" That's the message?
You sure he's gonna get it?
Oh, yeah.
My guy is as sharp as a tack.
[groans]
Look, I don't know what you're talking about, I just work here.
You're Blaine's right-hand man.
I have a hard time believing you don't know how his system works.
I just do what he says.
It's brain's Blaines, man.
Or You know what I mean.
Look, I'd love to help, but Okay, look [clears throat]
I'm gonna leave this contract for you.
Same deal we had with Blaine.
It's a good deal.
And a chance to step up, be a hero.
Well, I'll have to ask Blaine, because it's Blaine's Brains?
Yeah, got it.
Gentlemen.
Let's make a deal.
Stacey Boss.
Stacey Boss.
Thought you were dead.
[laughs]
I was close.
You have no idea how hot a Bangladeshi summer is in a three-piece suit.
You've been hiding in Bangladesh?
"Hiding"?
Working.
Bangladesh, Sudan, Ukraine.
Anywhere there's brains, I've been.
That's how it works.
I procure, Don E distributes, Blaine does jack.
I'd be willing to solve your little problem, right here and now.
We cut Blaine out.
Don E and I handle the brains ourselves.
Everybody's happy, except Blaine.
The catch being?
A slight cost adjustment.
Say, double what you're paying Blaine?
We don't have the budget.
I can't agree to that.
I get it.
Budgets are stubborn things, but let me just say this.
When zombies start tearing humans limb from limb, my price is not likely to have come down.
Taken under advisement.
So, what'd you think?
I think I wish you'd told me about all this in advance.
Sorry, but the pitch demanded a dramatic entrance.
Are you in?
I don't know, cutting Blaine out You do all the work and reap no reward.
If the roles were reversed, would Blaine be as loyal to you?
But I don't know if Major's bluffing.
I mean, Blaine had a good deal.
- If they don't have budget - [Mr.
Boss]
You play poker, Don E?
- [Don E]
Not really.
- [Mr.
Boss]
We got a winning hand.
When you've got a winning hand, you don't fold.
[crowd shouting]
No!
No, we're not gonna take it anymore!
We're outraged!
Fun crowd outside.
Next time, use the back entrance.
There shouldn't be a next time.
I'm here on behalf of my client, Blaine DeBeers.
Tanner, where have you been?
Where's the booze?
I can't run a bar with just vermouth and this melon crap.
He wouldn't let me take it.
He says his payment didn't go through.
What?
Why didn't you just use the business card?
I tried.
None of them worked.
Get on the phone, call the bank Don't bother.
I've seen this before.
They've frozen Blaine's assets.
So, let me just give you this.
"Three hundred and sixty-five degrees.
" What?
Three hundred and sixty-five degrees.
I hope it means something to you, because he just used up his retainer.
Oh!
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
- Yeah?
Okay, I got it.
- Got it?
- [Don E]
Yeah.
[Clive]
Don E.
We need to ask you some questions about the death of a Mrs.
Carol Barbera.
Hey, free advice.
Don't speak.
m*rder*d.
The matchmaker, she was m*rder*d.
Can you believe it?
She's trying to make people happy, ends up thrown off a balcony.
[Clive]
Did you meet Mrs.
Barbera?
I poured her a drink.
She told me that she had my perfect match.
[gasps]
You're in her brain!
Please tell me you remember the name.
When she told me, I dropped the glass.
Come on, have a vision.
Nothing?
Come on!
Was there anything else you noticed that night?
She did have an argument with Candy.
At one point.
She's in the back.
I'd knock first.
I understand, General.
But the situation here is truly dire.
I can't state it any more bluntly.
We'll be out of brains in 48 hours.
After that, zombies might turn on the living.
Some might try to scale the wall.
I know that you think this is our problem, but it could end up being all of our problem.
Thank you, uh, Major.
We'll discuss it and get back to you later.
Or sooner, if you can.
I don't see why they haven't just taken care of these things already.
Maybe 'cause it's not that easy to go next door and m*rder your neighbor.
And we're talking about the lives of thousands of innocent humans.
Hostages.
We do still have brain stockpiled from before we cut 'em off.
General Mills, that sounds surprisingly temperate.
I believe "nuke 'em all" was your previous position.
It's just I figure, it could buy us some time.
I mean, I hear there's progress on the CDC end.
All right, so, Glenn is now willing to buy some time.
All right, moving on.
Next item.
I have good news and bad news.
Ah, good news.
I could use some good news.
I'll start with the bad news.
Your assets are frozen.
You're unable to pay my fee.
Come on, man.
You know I'm good for it.
I don't.
The good news is, I have an in with your judge, so, if I play ball and I go the extra mile, I think I can get you off this whole thing.
If you're able to pay my retainer.
Okay.
I guess I gotta make some calls.
You made your call.
But I can call whomever you'd like.
Money?
What money?
I don't have any money.
[on speaker]
Do you know how much I make?
Tell him I do know, I was obviously talking about the club account rainy day fund.
He means the rainy day fund.
Yeah, it's on fumes.
[on speaker]
All right?
We don't have any customers.
Our vendors are demanding cash upfront.
Tell him there's a red bag behind the panel under the Hefeweizen tap.
There's a bag under the Hefeweizen tap.
Should be 50 grand in there.
My client says there's 50 grand in there.
There's 40 grand.
[mouthing]
Don E Could you loan me $10,000?
- He wants you to loan him - $10,000?
Blaine, man, I'm not exactly rolling in dough.
Damn it, Don E!
Just give me the money.
He just wants you to get him the money.
[sighs]
[Don E]
Okay, fine.
I'll get it.
Okay.
What the hell is this?
Oh, no.
My beautiful, beautiful home.
So, we'll just be adding "destroying evidence" to the charges?
And why is that?
I'm the most hated man in Seattle.
Why wouldn't my house get torched?
You tweeted "Seattle has two days until brain supplies run out.
" How do you back up your claim?
The blue-collar workers in that plant are my friends and neighbors.
And they told me, "No more brains.
" Officials at the plant did not respond for comment.
Back to you.
So, Commander, the joint chiefs called while you were out.
Finally.
Alan, let's call back the joint chiefs.
Actually, sir, they, uh, left a message.
Basically, since it's the official position of the US government that Fillmore Graves is a t*rror1st operation, - they do not - So, no?
[Hobbs]
Yes.
No.
[TV reporter]
Many left are wondering if Oh, and, uh Looks like Blaine DeBeers made bail.
The house's in my ex-stepdad's name, so no one'll trace you here.
You can hang as long as you want.
Which will be zero minutes.
This makes me miss jail.
Oh, come on, it's not that bad.
It's private.
You got the TV.
The couch.
I spent some pretty good times down here.
I'm sure you did.
Right where you are now, me and Pam Hagler watched the One Tree Hill premiere.
- And I lost my - [Blaine]
If you continue, the scream I utter will shatter the universe.
Okay, fine.
I'm going to The Scratching Post.
I am on a yacht to Ibiza.
Blake Lively is hitching a ride.
[echoing laughter]
We're sharing a nice crisp Grüner.
[loud thud]
You must be Don's friend.
- [washing machine whirring]
- [sighs]
All right, so, give her the rundown.
And just keep in mind, if she doesn't pass, your boyfriend washes up in the lake.
Okay.
So, they're toughest with stuff they can double check.
Names.
Dates.
Addresses.
Stuff like that.
- You'll need to have that down pat.
- It's down.
That it?
Just questions?
If you pass the interview, they'll say you're in, then do a group toast.
But the shot they give you is laced with ghost pepper.
You'll need to react to prove you're human.
That it?
Yeah.
That's it.
I appreciate the warning, Commander Lillywhite, but I really don't need protective custody.
Yes, I'm aware what kind of man Blaine is.
Yeah.
I'll be fine, thank you.
Bye-bye.
[door slams]
My ears were burning right up.
[laughs]
What do you want?
What do I want?
You always did cut right to the chase, didn't you?
Okay.
I wanna scare you.
Yeah, I've k*lled people, your story was correct.
Hell, I'm probably gonna k*ll you, too.
Not now but soon.
I just wanted you to know, so you could spend whatever time you do have left in fear, knowing it's coming.
You really pissed me off.
'Cause I showed people who you really are.
Yeah, it was gonna happen.
Did you really think this whole charming-rascal act would work forever?
It worked on you.
It worked on me?
No.
I worked on you, dummy.
[laughs]
You sad daddy's boys are all the same.
You're so gullible.
- You don't know me.
- [woman]
Sure I do.
You're another two-bit homicidal thug who thinks he's unique because, deep down, you're special and you're different, and you deserve admiration.
Like, from Peyton Charles.
The great love of your life.
You know what she called you?
Her greatest embarrassment.
[laughs]
You are a goon, Blaine.
That's all.
Just an average, run-of-the-mill I can see the headline now.
"Child-k*ller shot dead.
" They would throw me a parade.
You can show yourself out.
[keyboard clacking]
Okay, hold it right there.
Really gotta work on that, Don E.
You were holding a g*n right at me and I wasn't scared at all.
What're you doing here?
Trying to solve my liquidity crisis.
I need that list of bidders from our zombie-cure auction, as we still got a few cures left.
Okay, now we're talking.
By the way, have you seen Lieutenant Bozzio lately?
Yeah, I do my best to steer clear, she scares me a little.
Yeah, well, she's pregnant.
- Did you know that?
- How does a zombie end up pregnant?
I assume in the normal way, just not as a zombie.
I read this article about this kid who died of some rare brain disease, which made her brain a zombie cure, and it got me thinking that Whoa!
Found it.
Okay.
We need to contact all the runner-up bids and we should be flush again by lunch.
- [laughing]
- Whew!
You get the stuff from the safe?
Tanner took care of it.
Tanner!
Bring in the stuff from the house.
Ah, you sent Tanner?
I was being tailed, it wasn't safe.
[whispering]
Tanner is capable.
Here it is.
Cleaned out the safe just like you said.
Cash, IDs.
Just give me the bag.
Sorry if some of the pages are wrinkled and stuff.
[inhales sharply and sighs]
Where are my cures, Tanner?
Four syringes, in a Ziploc bag.
Oh.
So, I'm going back over the bridge, cops pulled me over.
I got two strikes, I can't get caught with dr*gs.
So, I ditched 'em.
You You "ditched" them?
I tossed them off the bridge.
Don't worry, they won't find 'em.
[sighs]
[breathing heavily]
[yells]
Strike three, monkey fighter.
[Blaine panting]
You were supposed to handle this.
So, you take care of that.
You did this, Don E!
You did.
Of all the things I've missed about the First World, high-quality bourbon isn't the least.
We're still considered the First World?
[laughing]
You raise a good point.
But, hey, at least our hand remains strong.
With that crazy fish lady stirring the pot, it's just a matter of time before Fillmore Graves folds.
- So, I wanted - Get your feet off my desk.
You gonna tell me whose blood that is on your shirt?
Just a friend.
Oh, man, what I wouldn't give to go back to the old days.
Yeah.
When cops were cheap and the racketeerin' was easy.
And the Utopium wasn't cut down to basically pancake mix.
[laughs]
The stuff Beanpole Bob made?
[speaking Italian]
The Da Vinci of the drug trade.
[laughing]
Beanpole Bob.
I forgot about that guy.
Whatever happened to that weirdo?
Oh, the usual story.
Got into his own supply, fried his brain.
Hey, kid.
I respect your loyalty to Blaine, but there is serious money on the table here - and if we - Screw Blaine.
I'm in.
U-dub Law.
So, where did you live then?
Studio in Eastlake, off Edgar.
Stayed when I started as a public defender, 'cause I made zilch.
You do realize you'd be putting your life at risk to break the law if you joined our cause.
I get that.
I mean, I love the law, but I just wanted to make a real difference in something bigger.
Graham says you met in high school?
Uh, no.
No, we met at his school.
I volunteer there.
I love kids.
[Laughs]
You want kids of your own someday?
Uh, yeah.
I guess, yeah.
Someday.
[chuckles]
I sensed that.
Anyone in your life now?
[Riley]
Uh, no, not at the moment.
Because you're "focused" on your career?
No, that's just what you tell people because you don't want to settle.
You have standards.
Don't worry, we will help you find someone who meets them.
Should we maybe focus less on her love life and more on, say, her qualifications as a coyote?
Are they exclusive?
Little-known fact, urban coyotes mate for life.
So might this guy, thanks to me.
Oh, you are not taking credit for me and Peyton.
You tried to keep us apart.
So that you'd have to fight to be together.
- All part of my plan.
- [Blows raspberry]
So, um Is the interview over?
Did she pass or what?
- With flying colors.
- [chuckles]
Let's make it official.
We call this a "coyote baptism.
" Oh, my.
Hey, what's this hospitality?
The doctor needs his medicine, too, yeah?
We only have four glasses, so I think it's best you steer clear of the hard stuff, Doctor.
Thanks, Mum, but I can handle the hard stuff better than you Yankee lot.
[laughs]
If you say so.
To Riley!
[wheezes and coughs]
And now you've passed.
Just had to be sure.
[breath trembling]
Help.
Brain distribution issues with our new supplier are being resolved as we speak.
Until we're back up to full speed, we ask that you do ration the brain tubes you have.
[TV reporter]
Lillywhite's assurances come amid ongoing concerns about Seattle's brain supply.
CHICS leader Dolly Durkins stood by her own claims.
They're running out, and when they run dry, the zombies are going to come after us.
Surplus stores and g*n retailers are reporting record sales, and police reports of robbed graves have skyrocketed Looks like the alarmist view is carrying the day so far.
Things'll calm down once we get the brains flowing again.
[clears throat]
Yeah, speaking of.
Transcript from our bug in The Scratching Post.
Boss and Don E have cut DeBeers out of the operation.
[TV reporter]
Has Seattle finally reached the end of its tenuous zombie-human peace?
[sighs]
Hello, kiddo.
Uncle Stacey!
- I didn't know you were in town.
- Oh.
And I come bearing gifts.
The brain of Tibetan monk, said to have reached nirvana.
- [gasps]
- But a humble token of my gratitude for clearing Blaine off the board.
Please, it was my pleasure to eviscerate the douchebag.
Is the plan going okay?
Flawlessly.
Fillmore Graves is about to fold.
I sign a contract, resume the brain-flow, all that's left is us counting our money.
[laughs]
[rings bell]
Hi, can I help - You?
- Hi.
Cute shirt.
Does it say on the back what zombies get, or is it the same "dead fish" idea?
We don't serve your kind here.
Oh.
But if I have to shut you down for discrimination, you won't get to do any more of those fun little TV interviews.
$9.
50.
Excellent service.
Ah.
Keep the change.
All good, boys, they do serve zombies here.
Anyone hungry?
Mmm.
You think you and your jackbooted thugs can obstruct my business?
You brain-eating, undead abominations Jeez, Mom.
Just chill out.
You gave up the right to call me that when you became one of them.
You've been holding out on me, Murphy.
Dolly Durkins is your mother?
Not anymore, I guess.
- Wow.
- If I may speak freely, sir don't underestimate her.
She really hates zombies.
Are you mad?
Major's got a bit much on his plate for you to set him up on a blind date, and you barely know Riley.
I know she's perfect for him.
Smart, compassionate, wants to make the world better.
Loves children, and, let's be honest, she's not too tough on the eyes.
- She does sound perfect.
- [chuckles]
If only there were a zombie version of her.
Ugh, I know.
But let's not forget, Major has a proven willingness to go without sex for love.
I have a willingness to do what?
Oh, Major.
Do you want to meet a new friend of mine?
She's a lawyer.
- Matchmaker brain?
- [Ravi]
Yep.
Nailed it.
This is addressed to you.
- Ooh.
- I have a picture of her.
Liv, I appreciate the thought, but unless this girl can get a massive quantity of brains into the city overnight, I think I'll pass.
I'd put a ring on it, if she had some tainted Utopium.
Peyton would understand.
That reminds me, does the name "Beanpole Bob" mean anything to you?
No, why?
Name came up in an intel file.
The Da Vinci of Utopium, apparently.
Uh, I can ask Clive.
See if he knows a Beanpole from his Vice days.
[object clattering]
[Major]
Night-vision goggles?
Because the CDC couldn't find any trace of tainted Utopium in the vial I sent, I had the idea to sneak into Blaine's mansion and steal back my cure, with the assistance of a cat-burglar brain and a pair of Night-vision goggles.
You know I command a paramilitary force, right?
I could have gotten you those for free.
They're only 800 bucks.
And with UFreightEze Select membership, you can get literally anything delivered to your doorstep - in under 24 hours.
- [laughs]
I want to help this city in any way I can, Mr.
Lillywhite, but this sounds like it's beyond even me.
It might sound like it, Mr.
Griss, but See, we've disassociated with Blaine DeBeers, and our alternate brain supplier is too difficult.
I get it.
You need a supplier.
But here's the problem as I see it.
I have no clue how to get thousands of brains.
We'll get you a TV in a day, but our deliveries have the advantage of being legal.
I'm not a smuggler.
I wouldn't know where to begin.
What if I told you, none of that mattered?
[door closes]
Whoo!
This place is deader than we are.
Can I give the girls the night off?
See, that's the problem with your generation, there's no work ethic.
How old are you, exactly?
Old enough to know there's always a market in vice.
We just need a fresh start.
We need a makeover.
You know what my idea for a zombie brothel name would be?
Hmm?
Coldcocks.
Why, because of all the fights?
- [door slams]
- [mouthing]
What?
Oh, great.
Look, I told you what I know, and if you're not here to tell me my dream girl's name, then who cares?
Actually, we need to talk to her.
- Um, yeah.
- [Don E]
What about me?
Ha!
[Stammering]
- There you go.
- [exhales sharply]
- What'd you see?
- It was the skull.
I saw a tattoo.
A small, tasteful skull, right here.
Tattoos.
I love tattoos.
Wait, what about a name?
Did you see her name?
That's it.
Now She's got a tattoo.
[Clive]
You recognize this coat, Mrs.
Schwartz?
No, I don't.
Caring Light has cameras at their drop-off centers.
We have you on tape dropping it off.
Look, I told you, I was at the movies with Mavis Jannings, who left ten minutes into the show to meet her lover, Bernard Salkin.
Mutual alibis.
Mrs.
Schwartz, did you k*ll Carol Barbera?
She set up my son with a zombie!
Hold that thought.
[Mrs.
Schwartz sobbing]
- [breathing heavily]
- Hey, you okay?
[Dale]
Yeah, just You know, carrying a human being and all of its associated gestation materials inside me.
Sometimes, it's a bit uncomfortable.
- But it's not a big deal.
- Woman, please.
I got you.
Let me take you home.
Maybe, we stop off at the OB on the way, just to check?
Man, thank you, but I'm fine, - and - Hey.
- I said I got you.
- I heard.
Sounded kind of dorky both times, if we're being honest.
- I got you.
- I stand corrected.
Extremely dorky.
[laughs]
You wanna hear the rest, or Oh Go ahead, write it down.
It's been three days, they got to be out of brains by now.
When is Major gonna throw his hand in?
Patience, m'boy.
- Any minute now.
- [Candy]
Hey!
Have you guys seen these billboards?
Candy, men are talking business.
Sure, I just thought you'd want to see this first.
I'm no poker player, but it looks like We're screwed.
And UFreightEze will handle both the supply chain and shipping, which is, of course, their specialty.
I'll give you this, Lillywhite.
You got moxie.
But we both know Ty Griss can't handle this volume of brains.
Well, he doesn't have your network of Third World hospitals to plunder, but he's gone heavily into Western health care.
And he's including a brain donor card in every package.
There're millions of customers a day getting a direct appeal from one of the world's greatest philanthropists.
And he'll do it all for 90% of our original deal with Blaine.
So, unless you've got a better offer We'll do 80%.
Is that an official offer?
It is.
Hmm.
The billboards stay up.
We need a new face on the brain business.
I'll let the brain plant know to expect your next delivery tonight.
That's all.
Gotta know when to walk Know when to walk away And know when to run You never count your money when You're sittin' at the table There'll be time enough for countin' When the dealing's done [Don E]
What are you doing here?
Better question.
What is nobody else doing here?
We're open, aren't we?
Then why am I pouring my own drinks?
This used to be Tanner's shift.
Business has been under-booming since your big great profile came out.
We're trying some new ideas.
Which explains that.
I had to do something.
It's our only remaining source of income.
Speaking of which, I don't think it's good for business if people see you hanging around here.
So, maybe you can hang in the back with the girls, or in the office, - or you use the back door - You just said "our only" remaining source of income"?
You mean, besides the brain-smuggling, which represents the bulk of our profits?
That I mean.
We're out of the brain biz.
Please tell me you're not serious.
If you can tell me that you didn't let that reporter work you like a rented mule.
They got a new supplier, it's that billionaire UFreightEze guy.
There's billboards all over town.
Why'd you have to keep the mask?
You may be out of the brain biz.
[man moaning]
[woman moaning in pleasure]
[man]
Oh, yeah!
Okay.
[man]
Oh, yeah!
Wow.
[sighs]
[exclaims]
How'd you get in here?
And How long have you been standing there?
You left the door unlocked.
I came in around the time the riding crop came into play.
- Mmm.
- I won't keep you long.
I just need a contract drawn up.
I can't pay you right now, but I'll make your quo worth your quid pro.
[Deborah]
Counselor Stone.
I need you back in my chambers, and bring defense Exhibit D Oh.
[Brandt]
I'll be in in a second, Your Honor.
[all chuckling]
[Blaine giggling]
You really do go the extra mile, don't you?
All right, what contract do you need?
[screaming]
Hi!
Are you Darcy Bennet?
- I am.
- You got a minute?
Um.
Can you run to the dining hall and steal me a pack of instant ramen?
I'll be fine.
I'll be fine.
You're here about my Freylich brain, I assume.
I take it I'm not the first interested party to reach out.
So, what's your best offer so far?
One guy promised 50 grand to my family when I'm gone.
I see.
How does half a million sound?
Cash upfront.
Once my client meets you and signs off, the money's yours in exchange for ownership of your brain after your tragic, yet inevitable demise.
Hmm.
So, what, you were gonna keep this all a secret?
The big office, the lieutenant's chair.
Acting Lieutenant.
Just till Dale's back on her feet.
How is the LT mom-to-be?
She's good, baby's good.
But she's on bed rest for the duration.
Just as a precaution.
Well, she can't be too happy about that, but baby comes first.
Look at you, right at home.
Born to be Lieutenant Babineaux.
You need anything else, Liv?
Mmm.
A raise wouldn't hurt.
No.
- Can I have a g*n?
- No.
- Oh, how about a squad car?
- No.
- Diplomatic immunity?
- No.
Can I have [rich zombie]
Mr.
DeBeers.
I didn't expect results so quickly.
However, this was not our arrangement.
I bought a postmortem brain, not the pre-mortem human attached to it.
That's why they say to read the fine print.
You bought a Freylich brain upon the death of its owner.
I'm sure she'll kick the bucket any day now.
Or not.
I could consider expediting the process for a non-nominal fee, or I'd be happy to extend this offer to the next bidder.
Okay.
I can wait.
It's a deal.
I'll wire the money now.
[Blaine]
So, am I a monster?
Maybe I am.
Because sometimes, they just don't leave me any choice.
[closing theme music playing]