02x07 - Monsters in the Dark

[bunniefuu]

You doing okay back there, Bernard?

I know I forgot your booster seat.

BERNARD: I can't see
you, but I still love you.

Hands off!

My famous stinkerdoodle cookies
are for Tylor and his friends.

Thanks, Grandma. And, Mom,
thanks for driving today.

I don't know why Val couldn't
pick me up this morning.

She picks me up every morning.
Must be busy or something.

- BOTH: Mm-hmm?
- What?

I just wonder if Val's still
mad about the softball game.

- TYLOR: What?
- 'Cause I probably would be.

But I'm petty like that.

No. No. I mean, all I
did was strike her out

and win it for the other team.

Well, I don't think I put in
enough cinnamon to fix all that.

But she knows it was
just part of the game.

It'll be fine. Look. I got cookies.

You know, the best way to get somebody

to forgive you is just
to say you're sorry.

[ALL EXCLAIMING)

- Sorry, hon.
- I forgive you.

See?

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

So, I have this amazing
opportunity to be a jokester,

which makes me all excited, like, yay!

But when I told Tylor, my best friend,

I wanted him to be excited for me,

and he just wasn't.

Like, I was so supportive
of him becoming a jokester.

Why can't he be supportive of me?

[BLOWS RASPBERRY)

Yeah. I already told him how I felt.

Hey. Good morning, Val!

- [TYLOR EXCLAIMING)
- Hmm.

Ta-da!

I got something for you.
Stinkerdoodle cookies.

Grandma T. made them for
you. And the whole g*ng.

So they're group apology cookies.

Sorry. What's... You're
mumbling. I can't...

- Nothing.
- BOTH: Huh?

Why are you still here?

Didn't you get the memo?
Brenda didn't give you the memo.

- Come with me.
- Wait. What's happening?

Mike and Sulley have
something very special planned.

As do I. I brought cookies.

- Where are we going?
- Basement.

Technically, it's the
basement below the basement.

If Brenda had given you
the memo, you'd know.

- Who's Brenda? Do I know her?
- No more questions. Thank you.

Wait. Is this elevator
moving horizontally

- instead of vertically?
- [ALL EXCLAIMING)

[BOTH GRUNT)

So, uh, you've been a
little quiet this morning.

- You feeling okay?
- I'm fine.

Cool. Yeah, I just want
to make sure we're good.

Yep.

Wow. Awkward.

I should have taken the stairs.
You know, get my steps in.

Hmm? Huh.

Val?

- Tylor.
- [YELLS IN SURPRISE)

Come join us so we can get started.

Yes, very glad you could take the
time to attend a mandatory event.

[CHUCKLES) About time, College Boy.

I'm sure you're all wondering
why we asked you here today.

You know, I was up all night
excitedly wondering about

what I was going to wonder about today.

Isn't that wonderful?

We thought this might
help boost team morale

after losing the softball game.

- Hmm...
- I brought cookies.

Yeah, I was very down we didn't
win, but you know what, guys?

I found that if you sob
into your pillow long enough,

you can get over anything.

Anyway, this company started

because a group of monsters
like you worked together.

Uh-huh.

So today we're gonna work together
by doing some teamwork activities.

- It's gonna be fun.
- As fun as the softball game?

Ah, ah, ah. Funner.

I know some of you might find

this historic part of
Monsters Inc. a little creepy.

But it's a perfectly normal reaction,

considering all the monsters
who've gone missing in these tunnels

thanks to Karloff the Shrieker.

- [ALL MUMBLING IN FEAR)
- The Shrieker?

Mother used to tell me stories about
him. She said he was just a myth.

And mothers don't lie,
right? They don't lie, right?

A myth? No, no, no, no.

- [CLEARS THROAT)
- Oh!

Here you go. Thank you.

Long ago, one of the first
scarers to lurk these halls

was a terrifying monster
named Karloff the Shrieker.

[ROARS)

The only thing he hated even
more than human children

- [LAUGHTER ECHOING)
- was laughter.

His greatest pleasure in life

was making children scream
over and over again.

As the years went by, his hatred
extended to fellow monsters.

Some say his spirit
roams these tunnels still,

looking for new victims to terrify

and drag off into the darkness.

Karloff comes for you when
he hears your laughter.

The lights flicker, you hear a shriek...

- [SHRIEKS)
- [ALL EXCLAIM IN FEAR)

And by then it's too late. His
claws are already grabbing you.

[SHRIEKS AND CHUCKLES)

But those are just silly rumors.

You have nothing to worry about
as long as you don't laugh.

Not a problem.

Okay. I'm gonna go ahead and
make a deputy supervisor decree

that we all leave immediately
and go to a well-lit,

- ghostless room upstairs.
- Yeah.

I can't believe I'm about to say
this, but maybe Duncan is right?

Oh, good. Now you're
supportive of Duncan.

Did you say something,
Val? You're mumbling again.

Everyone just relax.

Karloff was a real monster,

but he's not a ghost and
he's not gonna get you.

But I do understand and
I hear your concerns,

which is the perfect transition to
our first team-building activity.

So, we thought we'd take you
back to our company's roots.

To where the very first Monsters
Inc. door station was constructed.

MIKE: Even if it's an old piece of
junk that hasn't worked in years.

- SULLEY: Mike.
- And by old, I mean classic.

And by piece of junk, I mean piece
of junk with sentimental value.

All right. Who wants a
pen? Who wants a paper?

Everyone write down
an area of improvement

for Monsters Inc. and
put it in the bowl.

Then Mike will read them
out loud anonymously.

That is, if you have any complaints.

Okay. I guess you all had a few.

Give a guy an inch,
he thinks he's a ruler.

Uh, here we go. "I think everyone
is doing their best. Love, Fritz."

Just a reminder, this was
supposed to be anonymous.

- That was unanimous.
- I second the motion.

Okay. This is just a bunch of paperwork.

How else am I supposed
to get you to sign them?

"Things around here keep going missing,

like sugar packets at the coffee
station, and my lucky mitt... "

I mean, "Mike's lucky mitt."

I think someone forgot to
return my Holding Pen key.

You know, it's been
borrowed for a long time.

And I can't find the bowl I
keep my interesting boogers in.

There it is.

[BOTH GROAN)

"Someone should be
better about apologizing

for not being a supportive friend."

Maybe take them to lunch. You
know, tell them how you feel.

- This just says "Tylor."
- Yes, my complaint is Tylor.

- MS. FLINT: Anonymous!
- My anonymous complaint is Tylor.

Yeah, his behavior at the game
didn't echo our collective values.

- Okay. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's slow down here.
- [ALL MUTTERING)

It wasn't my fault Johnny picked
me and I won the game for Fear Co.

Plus, I made cookies to make up for it.

- Oh, ouchies.
- Grandma T. made them.

Did you bring coffee to
go with those cookies?

Perhaps a pepper stink mocha?
I'm onto you, College Boy.

- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Don't make me laugh.

[LAUGHS, EXCLAIMS)

Oh, no. Now the Shrieker's
gonna get me. [EXCLAIMS)

[LAUGHS) The Shrieker's not
gonna get you. I told you.

There's no ghost.

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

- [BOTH EXCLAIM)
- [ALL GASPING)

Ha! Very funny, Sulley.
You can come back now.

We're all laughing at your
very funny joke. [MOCK LAUGHS)

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

Where did they go?

- The Shrieker got him!
- And now he's gonna get us.

[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)

Out of my way! I'm essential!

Well, I'm definitely next.

Hot blondes never make it
to the end of these stories.

[REVS CHAINSAW)

Hey, calm down. We need to stop
panicking and put our heads together

- before the Shrieker takes anyone else.
- [WHISTLES)

We need a search party to find
Mr. Wazowski and Mr. Sullivan.

- We can't leave any monsters behind.
- Oh, I volunteer.

I know these tunnels like
the back of my own tentacle.

I've studied all the
underground schematics.

ALL: Huh?

For fun.

As long as you promise
to come back alive, Rogie.

All right. Let's go.

- I'll go with you.
- Whatever.

Okay. While you do that,

the rest of us will try to
get an old door up and running

so that we can get out of
here... And you're gone.

Wow. Do they move fast.

- Sulley?
- Mr. Wazowski?

- Mr. Sullivan?
- Mike?

- VAL: Mr. Sullivan? Hello?
- [SNIFFING)

- TYLOR: Mike.
- Hmm. This way.

- Sulley?
- Are you here?

- Sulley? Mike?
- Hmm.

I don't remember this
part of the tunnel system.

I'll tell you what. Give
me a minute to sniff it out.

[SNIFFING)

BOTH: I think we should go that way.

Ugh, why do we always
have to go your way?

What are you talking
about? This was your idea.

- I followed you into this spooky tunnel.
- It's not that spooky.

- [CLEARS THROAT)
- [BOTH EXCLAIM) You know,

I've been sensing some tension
bubbling up between the two of you.

I have no idea what
you're talking about.

Could we do this later?
Monsters' lives are at stake.

I once had this transformational
life coach, Dr. Claudia Clapperclaw,

who taught me some insightful
communication techniques

that you might find illuminating.

Yeah, all of that just sounds made-up.

This is now the talking flashlight.

Looks like a regular
flashlight, but it's not!

Whoever holds it will use "I"
statements to explain how they feel.

Like, I feel great about this exercise.

- Who wants to give it a go?
- This is so stupid.

Ah, ah, ah.

- "I feel... "
- Ugh, okay.

I feel that this is stupid.

Good, good. And how
does that make you feel?

Well, I feel frustrated,

because all day long I've been hoping

to get an apology from you, but no.

Hey. We're really getting...

I feel like I already
apologized for that silly game.

Is that why you've been acting
weird and, like, mumbling all day?

I feel like I don't mumble,

and bringing apology cookies isn't
the same as saying you're sorry.

They weren't just any
cookies. Start with "I feel."

- Yeah. You made Grandma T. make them.
- She wanted to make them.

And I wanted you to be supportive.

Well, you didn't tell me that.
I can't just read your mind, Val.

But you're my best friend
and you just should!

Oh, would you look at that.

The talking flashlight got
upgraded to the throwing flashlight.

Not a peep till I come back.

- Come on, Val.
- Mm. Not without the talking flashlight.

[HUMMING) Yeah. [GASPS)

Hey. This is odd, even for me.

TYLOR: What are those?
Are those track marks?

ROGER: Or claw marks?

- Should we open it?
- No. The Shrieker might be in there.

Yes, but so could Mr. Sullivan and
Mr. Wazowski. We have to open it.

Okay. On three.

One... Two...

- ALL: Three!
- [ALL EXCLAIM IN FEAR)

[SIGHS)

Hey. You guys find Mike and
Sulley? Just found a broom, huh?

Well, I got more bad news.

This place may be covered in doors,

but the only working one
we found was that one.

There you go. This right here is
your standard-issue banishment door.

See the sand embedded along the frame?

Classic. This baby leads
straight to the barren desert.

Yep, nothing but you and the
deep-seated loneliness that follows.

I can't go into a motherless desert.

And I certainly don't wanna be stuck

in a dark basement
with a murderous ghost.

Or we try to catch the ghost.

- Catch a ghost?
- No, not gonna happen.

- What are you, nuts?
- DUNCAN: Ha.

I'd rather have everyone except me

die than listen to
your traitorous opinion.

Listen. I think what
Tylor's trying to say

is that if we can get the Shrieker
through the banishment door,

we can trap it.

- Yeah, that's what I was...
- All right. I'll be the bait.

Someone get me some butter.
Like, a lot of butter.

Or we can lure him out with
the thing he hates the most.

Laughter.

And then demand he give
Mike and Sulley back.

By any means necessary.

- Yeah. No, that's what I was...
- Okay, everyone.

Let's all help get the
banishment door in position.

This kid is something else.

Hooked up. Ready to go.

So, we're gonna drop
this door on the Shrieker

and he will be trapped forever.

No matter what happens, just
keep laughing and stick together.

I'll keep an eye out
and give you the signal.

Everyone laugh. Right now!

[ALL FORCING LAUGHTER)

[GROANS)

[SIGHS) This isn't working.

Hey. Remember when we got that
fancy high-tech vending machine

and it turned evil? [IMITATES BEEPING)

- "I am evil."
- Oh, Vendy Two.

- Whoa, was she a feisty one.
- She totally ate Duncan.

- [ALL LAUGHING)
- [DUNCAN MOCK LAUGHING)

Yes, I almost d*ed, was so
hilarious. Thank you, Val.

[LAUGHS) And then she
gave me extra PopFarts,

which give you exactly what
they say they're gonna do.

Yeah, it took us a week to lick
Drooler Cooler debris off the wall.

Remember that?

- [ALL CONTINUE LAUGHING)
- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

[METAL SCRAPING)

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

[SHRIEKS)

Here he comes. Everyone in position.

Cutter, you're up! Go!

The talking/throwing flashlight is now

the laugh-to-keep-from-dying flashlight.

Hey, big boy. [LAUGHING) This way. Yeah.

[CONTINUES LAUGHING)

Fritz, you're up!

Oh! [FRITZ LAUGHING)

Over here, much-bigger-than-me-monster!

[CONTINUES LAUGHING)

- Here, Duncan!
- [DUNCAN EXCLAIMS)

It's laughter he's after.

Duncan! Here! Over here! Got it!

- [LAUGHING)
- [ROARS)

Roger! He's almost there.

Oh, you know, you have
something stuck in your teeth.

I hope it isn't anyone I know.

[ALL EXCLAIMING IN FEAR)

It's stuck!

[GRUNTS)

[SHRIEKS)

[GRUNTS)

[YELLS, GRUNTS)

Whoa!

VAL: Tylor!

[ALL EXLCAIMING AND MUTTERING)

- [ALL GASP)
- MIKE: Hello. Hey. Open the door. Open the door.

Not until you tell us
where our friends are.

SULLEY: We're right
here. It's us. Let us in.

[ALL GASP)

Oh, yeah. Awesome.

Whoa.

ALL: Mike! Wazowski!

No.

ALL: Sulley!

Well, there's a plot twist.

Great work, everyone. You came
through with flying colors.

How did you get the Shrieker
to give you their costume?

The costume was all part of my plan.

I knew if you were
under a little pressure,

you'd come together and
work as a team. And you did.

Just a brilliant performance on my part,

if I do say so myself, which I just did.

Oh, encore. Encore!

Sorry, folks. This was
just a one-time production

of Monsters in the Dark.

This whole thing could have been a memo.

Yeah, last time I saw
someone fall from that high,

they didn't walk away.

It was more of a very
slow crawl. Respect.

Oh, and I also accept your
stinkerdoodle cookie apology.

Finally. Ooh!

Extra stinky!

Everyone else, you know, the idiots,

may have been charmed by your
heroics and pathetic cookies.

- But not me.
- I didn't make them. My grandma did.

[GASPS) Sweet Virginia?
Ooh, gimme, gimme, gimme!

There's one left. Just for you.

Mm. That was a good plan. And
you did really great, you know?

Making everyone relax and laugh.

Thanks. You did a great job too.

Listen. I wanted to say I'm sorry

for throwing the talking flashlight
and expecting you to read my mind.

Yeah, you know, after our talk,
I totally get why you're upset.

And I want to say I'm sorry

for what happened at the
softball game. I was...

I was in my head, you know?

But I should have been
more supportive of you.

By letting you get that
hit to win the game.

[SIGHS) Ah.

Can't wait to get back out there
with the best jokester assistant ever.

Oh.

Actually, I'm ready to
do something on my own.

I'm gonna take the jokester job.

Oh, yeah. The jokester job offer.

Of course, you should
definitely take it, you know?

I mean, you know, I would.
Actually, I already did.

[CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)

So... Yeah. Congrats, Unicorn Sparkle.

I guess I'll see you on the Laugh Floor.

Not if I see you first.

On the, on the floor up
there. [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

All right. I'll, uh... I'll see you.

Oh. What's this sugar
packet doing down here?

I've been looking for these everywhere.

I'll just hang onto this
for my sleepy time coffee.

You know drinking too much of that
stuff makes you crankier than usual?

It does not, you purple throw rug!

Oh, and by the way, great job

with all the lighting effects and
shrieks and adding the claw marks.

It really sold the
whole spooky ghost thing.

SULLEY: Claw marks? That wasn't me.

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

[METAL SCRAPING)

[SCREAM ECHOING)