Bungalow (2022)

[bunniefuu]

Aw f*ck.

f*ck's sake!

-You okay?
-Yeah.

Come to mommy!

Look, my Sugar love.

Look at this!

This is home now!

It seemed less nasty
when we came to see it.

It's the light.

There was furniture
hiding the dirt.

We got a f*cking good deal,
babe.

When it's done,
we'll feel right at home.

For sure.
It's gonna be our house!

We'll build it from scratch.

Our palace, my love!

-Oh yeah?
-Yeah. No?

f*ck yeah!

You mean right now?

-We gotta inaugurate the house!
-Oh yeah.

Holy sh*t.

Hold on. Yuck!

Sweet Jesus, you're beautiful!

You're too low,
I can't put it in.

-Then bend down.
-I'm bending!

Hold on a sec.

-No, not yet...
-Sorry.

-Keep going!
-But...

f*ck! Sorry babe!

You okay?

Yeah.
Aw sh*t, my nails.

...because gold highlights
are really stylish.

The island is a bold choice.
It creates space.

We chose high-quality melamine
for Manon's dream kitchen.

I hope Manon is excited!

Go on in!

Come on!
Crying like that on TV?

Looks like an idiot.

What do you think
of your new kitchen?

Look at the lamp!

It's a great industrial look.

With this here,
it feels like we're outside.

It's to remind you of your trip.

The island should be
on the other side.

Now she has to walk around it
to get to the sink.

It's pretty dumb.

Ugh. Your thighs are all sweaty.

It's from the computer.

Put something under it.

The internet waves
are going through your balls.

It's like you read my mind.

Green is a stimulating colour,
it promotes wellbeing...

That's a nice bathroom.

No, it's too red.

I'm getting mad just looking at it,
imagine living in it.

A little red is good.
It's a colour of strength.

Too much red means danger.

You're right.

...for another transformation
on Déco à Go? Go!

The location is perfect.

The yard, the parking,
it's perfect.

There's lot of work to do,

but not that much
in the long term.

-You gotta think long term.
-True.

I'm excited to start the renos.

A bit of hard work and then
we're living the f*cking dream!

I just hope everything goes well.

You know my friend Val?
Valerie?

-My friend from hot yoga.
-I dunno.

They had to replace their lead pipes
because they're super poisonous.

They could make your kids Ret*rded.
You don't want that.

So they got a friend to do it,
a discount contractor.

With zero experience.

But in the demolition stage,
he hit the natural gas line

connected to the house.

The guy didn't notice
because he has no sense of smell.

He can't smell,
can't taste either.

I mean, he couldn't taste.

The gas was leaking out
all morning.

After lunch, they must've lit up
a smoke or something.

And it just exploded.

Half of the house just disappeared.

All they found of the guy
were his steel toes.

Not the boots, just the toes.

They had no place to go.
Their insurance covered a hotel

but it was 45 minutes away,
which was tricky

because normally the guy took
the car and gave her a lift to work

but that turned
into a huge commute.

So he gave her the car
and took a bike

but then there was a beer truck
that didn't see the bike.

He was dragged a kilometre
before the driver realized.

The guy spent three months
in a coma.

They had to unplug him
because he had no brain activity

and even if he woke up,
he'd be a vegetable.

You can't live like that!

They had so much debt
with the mortgage

that even his life insurance
wasn't enough

so my friend Val ended up
with all that debt.

After he d*ed,
she fell into a depression.

She was taking so many pills,
she got addicted.

She started doing coke
and sleeping with strangers

for the hell of it,
no condom.

I heard she'd go into a bar,
see a guy and go and grab his d*ck.

Last I heard,
she's a prost*tute in Kingston.

That's in Ontario.

So watch out with the little renos.

There's more here.

What the f*ck?

Jesus f*cking Christ.

Holy f*cking sh*t.

What are you doing?

It's all mouldy,
we have to take it all down.

No choice.

And if we're opening the walls,
might as well change the pipes.

These are lead.
Bad for your health.

Won't take much longer.

A few evenings and weekends,
that's it.

We hadn't planned to change
the pipes.

I can put a shower here
and a bigger bath there.

No, the bath is going there,
not there.

And your counter?

The vanity will go there.

Other way!

You sure?

I'm the one who drew it up!

But it's not a technical drawing.

Have you ever done
a bathroom before?

Babe, Steve did the new bathrooms
at Dragnarock and they're great.

So if Steve can put in
some pisspots behind a curtain,

why not get him to do
all of our plumbing?

Come on, I'm not stupid.

I know about plumbing,
my uncle is a plumber.

Then please explain, kind sir,

how you installed glass showers
in your medieval bathroom?

-Well...
-Oh shut up.

-Should we take it down?
-Hell yeah.

Charge!

Take that!

For the King!

It's our only bathroom,
we can't get it wrong.

But we didn't plan
to redo all the pipes.

If we're going to open the walls,
babe, might as well do it.

And you're the one who said
we should ask our friends.

I know, but Steve?

This one would fit.

It costs more than my car.

It's so f*cking easy
when you have money.

That's just it.
Steve costs nothing.

Gotta save money where we can.

A house with no bathroom
is no fun.

It'll be fine, my love.

In two weeks, you'll have a bath
in your dream bathroom.

All the plaster and the painting
has to be done.

Who's the idiot that installed
a fan with no duct to the outside?

The steam will get into the ceiling.

There'll be mould up there.

There's a hole in your bath.

Look, it goes right into the hole.

That'll rot your subfloor.

Just out of curiosity, what else
would you do in the house?

You gotta ask yourself if you want
your house to be functional,

or if you want
to make your friends jealous.

I would put up a backsplash,
get new counters, new cupboards,

put in a dishwasher.

I'd take up the vinyl flooring.

Some joker wanted to put up a loft?

This is a load-bearing wall.

Take it down
and your ceiling will sink.

If it was me,
I'd change all the windows.

And the floors,
because linoleum is ugly as hell.

Since you're opening the walls
to redo the electrical,

I'd put in new insulation, too.

We didn't plan to open
all the walls.

You'll have crazy drafts in winter.

If you're opening them up,
you should do it.

Of course.
If we're opening them.

If you do the plaster yourself,
that'll save you money.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

You would do the plaster?

You're not handy?

You must be an intellectual, then.

Since you're changing
the breaker box,

you might as well
redo all the wiring.

It's messed up, and I don't want
to be responsible for a house fire.

Yeah?

Didn't the inspector tell you that?

We didn't have an inspection.

Offers with no inspection clause
were preferred.

If you want to finish the basement,
the foundation seems solid.

You'd have to insulate,
pour a new floor

and change the heating system.

These old furnaces
aren't very eco-friendly.

It can get costly.

Okay, like how costly?

Let's see.

Just to get this house into shape...

I'd say around $80,000.

But that's just the bare bones.

No gas fireplace,
no downstairs bathroom.

But those are just suggestions?

I mean, we can live in it
like this?

It's up to you to choose what kind
of house you want to live in.

JUNE

You have one new message.

Hi Sweetie.

It's been a while
since I heard from you.

I was wondering
how the house is going,

how Sugar is doing.

If you're wondering how I'm doing,
call me back.

It's so nice to see a woman
do this work.

I'm always looking to help
a warrior in distress.

A warrior?

I saw all your swords
and armour all over the house.

Oh yeah. That's all Jonathan's.

You don't wear them?

My style is more
the pretty damsel dresses.

I'm sure you're beautiful
in those dresses.

You have a timeless beauty.

Timeless?

You could be a painting
hanging on the wall of a museum.

I'd hang you
from my wall any day.

Thanks.

I'd like to see you
in a dress like that someday.

You can do a fashion show for me.

I have to bring these
to the truck.

Yeah, I'm in your way though.

This is your house.
You're never in the way.

All right then.

But I'll have to charge you
for an extra day.

There's these ones...

Look.
These ones.

Or those ones.

120 bucks for that,
not bad.

It's 120 bucks for one.

We need five or six up top,
plus all the cupboards down below.

Shouldn't we wait a bit
before doing the kitchen?

No, the kitchen is important.

That and the bathroom,
it's the bare minimum.

And Josée is free now.

Yeah, but your Josée is pricey.

This house is the responsibility
of us both, Jo.

So she's our Josée.

$2432.
They'll deliver them this week.

Great.

So he called me back
the next day to say

that the condom broke.

Hold the absorbent tip in your
urine stream for five seconds.

He had a big d*ck though,
gotta give him that.

f*ckin' idiot.

At least he didn't give me herpes.

Even though I'm on the pill,
the doctor said

to take the morning-after pill.

'Cause the pill isn't a sure thing.

You're doing it wrong!
It's full of bubbles.

You have to wet down the wall
so it goes on smooth.

Like this.

Well, like I said,
I've never done this before.

I don't care for English words.

Here, make it smooth.

I really like
how the green turned out.

-Makes it feel zen.
-You bet.

And green is a lucky colour.

Now I just have to get towels
and bath bombs.

And I want to put a soap pyramid
in that corner.

And a basket over there.

That'll look nice.

So should we still
go get some sushi?

Because I'm okay with chicken, too.

Sushi for sure!
Why the hell not?

Well, if you're pregnant,
you can't eat raw fish.

Everyone knows that.

Should take it easy
on the wine, too.

f*ck!

You put it together
backwards.

The front is here.

This is the back.

You have to screw this on here,
not here.

-I'll start over.
-No, it's fine. I'll do it.

I'm already doing everything else.

Oh come on!
What's with you? Got PMS?

Excuse me?

No, I don't have f*cking PMS.
What's with me?

I just feel like I'm on a streak
of the worst mistakes of my life.

They're just cupboards, babe.
No big deal.

I'll fix them.

This isn't about the cupboards,
it's about

the house.

And us. Maybe it was all a mistake.

Okay.

You still play with foam swords
and your stupid f*cking cards.

It's like you can't grow up,
like you'll never be a man.

We're not kids anymore, Jo.

Jesus, you can't even put on
a cupboard door, for f*ck sake!

And suddenly IKEA
is the barometer?

Gotta assemble furniture
to be a man?

It would help,
because I'm doing it all alone!

You're not doing it alone!

What am I doing here,
playing f*cking PlayStation?

Since we decided to buy...

Sorry, since YOU decided
to buy this house,

it's like everything I do is sh*t.

Don't yell at me.

Sorry babe. I don't want
to yell at you, it's just...

f*ck, I'm doing my best here.

This isn't my forte.

What is your forte?

We have seven months
to finish everything

or I'll go into labour
in a construction zone.

But you're on the pill.

During the move,
I forgot to take it a lot.

We haven't even f*cked
since we've been here!

-That time against the counter.
-It lasted two seconds!

How the f*ck do you forget
to take the pill?

I'd like to see you
take the f*cking pill!

This is bad news to you,
never mind.

It's not that!
It's just...

a surprise.

Let's just say
this wasn't the plan.

No.

No, this wasn't the plan.

f*ck!

Babe?

It's super good news.

JULY

Obviously you don't care
how I'm doing.

But let me just say that your father
and I are doing well.

You forgot Father's Day.

Send us some pictures of the renos
or something.

And how's Sugar doing?

Pretty corset.

Thanks.

Like I said,

I'd have no problem
looking at you for centuries.

-Ah sh*t.
-Sorry.

Here, let me...

Can I?

Just to clean it off.

Free doughnuts at work!

Okay, I'll go get changed.

It's okay.

As you wish.

Don't worry, plaster doesn't stain.

I hope you're aware
of the effect you have on people.

Play with me like that
and you might break my heart.

All right everyone, listen up.

As you know, the company
changed ownership last winter.

The new management ordered
a productivity audit.

So they analyzed our working methods
with computers.

It seems as though our resource
management is not ideal.

The external auditors recommended
for the company

to reduce staff numbers
by 36 percent

in all 12 warehouses
throughout the province.

The company has to follow
these recommendations

to meet the demands
of its shareholders.

So there's no way around it.

The management has to let go
of the packers and lift drivers.

What the f*ck?

We're working full speed
and we still can't meet the quotas!

What are you going to do
without us?

The burden of productivity
will be shared

between the employees
and equipment,

which will be improved
to be more autonomous.

Robots?

-You're replacing us with robots?
-f*ck.

Not robots, machines.

And who's driving
the machines?

They're autonomous machines,
so they drive themselves.

And our Christmas bonuses?

We were able to add them
to your severance packages.

You'll get two weeks of pay

plus ten percent
of your annual salary.

Take some time
to absorb this news...

Keep.
Your turn.

I'll give my sorcerer a cloak
and I'm attacking your knight.

I block you with my volcano.

Everything's been sh*t
since we bought that damn house.

If I tell her, she'll freak out.
She's always freaking out.

I don't even want to go home
in the evening.

-I cast lightning.
-You can't, I have the talisman.

Okay, fine. Your turn.

I summon a demon.

I haven't slept
since we signed the mortgage.

Keep. I equip my knight
with the spirit blade.

att*ck on your troll.

I have trouble breathing at night,
like I have water in my lungs.

Pow, you're dead.

Half the time, I'm dizzy.

My neck is crazy stiff
and half my head is numb.

And since Sarah's been pregnant...

-You didn't tell me that!
-Yeah.

I've had a sore belly that hurts
all the way down to my balls.

We'll have another pitcher, please.

I merge my guardians
and att*ck your troll.

Pow, you're dead.

It's like I always have to piss,
even when I just went.

att*ck on your colossus.

Pow, you're dead.

Maybe it's cancer or something.

Maybe it's because of the laptop.

I cast fireball,
plus three for magic.

Roll a die.

That's it, you're dead.

-Again?
-No, I'm no good tonight.

I can't go back to minimum wage.

We can't even manage
on the salary that I have.

That you had.

The problem with you guys
is you always want more stuff.

So you load up your credit cards
and you take on mortgages.

Then you re-mortgage
to get even more stuff.

But all that money
doesn't really exist.

And then you pay interest
on this fake money, like idiots.

Of course you're f*cked in the head.

And then you wonder
why you have cancer in your balls.

But if you want
to make a quick buck,

I want to put together a deck
and I need rubies and diamonds.

These aren't for sale.

-Congrats about the baby, man.
-Yeah.

You're gonna be a dad.

Yeah.

What are you thinking about?

About you, fair lady

U r pretty

Not as pretty as you

Time for the shitty part.

No, you worked hard!
You deserve every penny.

I'll miss seeing you every day,
getting more and more beautiful.

Text me whenever you want, miss.
When you're bored...

It does not fall on deaf ears.

Thanks.

I'm excited to get things
decorated and painted.

For me, that's the part
I find meditative.

I'll paint it all red.

That'll be the base.

I'll put a black chandelier there
with crystals.

They'll catch the light.

In China,
red is happiness and strength.

Red is passion, too.

It didn't go through.

Oh, really?

-Try again.
-Yeah.

No.

I don't know what's going on.

I feel really bad about this,
but can I pay you in a few days?

What will you give me for security?

What do you want?

Your panties.

My panties?

-The ones I'm wearing?
-Yeah.

Okay.

Slowly.

Here.

Put them in a plastic bag.

AUGUST

Hey girlfriend. I'm stuck in traffic
and I missed the exit.

It's pretty damn far,
your freaking house.

I got four boxes of pizza.

I'll be there soon.
Wait for me, okay?

Don't open your eyes!

Okay, go!

Holy sh*t!

f*ck you!

The crystals in your light
look so rich!

That must have cost
a chunk of change.

No, not bad.

Our lady contractor
was very accommodating.

Josée?

Yeah, it was really inspiring
to see a woman working like that.

Yeah, inspiring.

It must've been a change

from all those construction dudes
who just want to sleep with you.

These square plates
look so modern.

It's really coming along!

Still sleeping in the living room?

Just for the renos.
It's easier like that.

We're used to it.
But it's almost done.

I'd like to give Jo a New York theme
for the bedroom, all in yellow.

Because yellow means strength.

-It's really good for sex.
-That's right.

I found a bunch of stuff for it,
pillows and blankets and lamps,

but sh*t,
they're not giving it away.

It's like we have less money
than before.

And Josée wasn't free.

Hey, you should sign up
for Déco à Go? Go!

It won't cost a thing
and you'll be on TV.

Yes!
That's a great idea!

And the show designer is great,
she makes dreams come true.

She'll love your New York theme.

That sexy handyman
will drill in your room!

That guy must have the ladies
lining up.

-I thought he was gay.
-No, he's not gay!

Come on, it's not clear at all.

Gay or not,
he must f*ck non-stop.

-He's got three kids.
-No more f*cking, then!

You don't f*ck
when you have kids!

You do arts and crafts.

Now?

Hi, I'm Sarah Ménard.

My guy Jonathan and I
have just bought our dream home,

and we'd love to get some help
for the bedroom of our dreams.

I'd love to offer my man
a New York themed bedroom.

He's crazy about New York,
but he's never been there.

Jo never really knew his parents,
he was never able to travel.

Now with the new house,

we won't have the cash
to travel for a while.

So it'll be a way
to bring New York here to us.

So that's it, we'd love your help,
Sugar and I.

Was that okay?

That's better.
We can see the disaster.

The disaster?
Come on.

It's a f*cking disaster, Sarah.
Don't try to tell me different.

It's like you're in a fantasy film
gone wrong.

Okay, now go.
But be more yourself.

-More me?
-More you. No bullshit.

Good evening. Hello.

Hi, my name is Sarah Ménard
and I'm 32 years old.

I'm a new homeowner
with my boyfriend, Jonathan.

It's our dream house.

And we'd like...

Actually, it's not our dream house.

It's the only house we could afford
with our jobs.

We were going to re-do it
in our own style,

but it's horrible,
it's costing an arm and a leg.

We wanted to save money,
but that bit us in the ass.

In four months, we've just done
the kitchen and the bathroom.

Twice.

Twice for the bathroom because...
Never mind.

And now we have
to finish it quick, because...

I can't hide it much longer.

I'm pregnant.

The money isn't coming in
as fast as my ideas.

My boyfriend does his best,
but he's not a handy kind of guy.

I overestimated him a little.

I'm not easy to live with either,
these days.

There's a lot going on
in my head,

and I wonder if buying this house
wasn't a mistake.

My parents have been
pressuring me for years

to start a family and get a house
and all that.

But my parents...

They've lived in Florida
for 10 years

and never had a second thought
in their life.

Sometimes I wonder if they like
my dog better than me.

I haven't even told them yet
that I'm pregnant.

I wanted to tell them in person,
they don't want to come back here.

Their dream life is there now.

And we don't travel.

Jo and I have never been
on a plane.

We were supposed
to go see them last year,

but then the hurricanes...

We had to cancel.

Anyway.

That's it.
The debts are piling up,

the baby's on its way,

and I'm freaking out.

Maybe if we didn't live in a dump,

I could start believing
that this is our dream.

It's just hard.

I've been watching your show
ever since it's been on the air,

and everyone always seems
so happy.

I beg you,

come save us.

Was that okay?

If they don't pick you,
they're f*cking idiots.

You're looking fancy this morning.

Did I forget a special date?

No.

I just felt like looking nice.

You're beautiful.

You're always beautiful.

Gotta go, there's a union meeting
at work today.

I can't be late because...

Sure, no problem.
See you tonight?

Okay.

Well, have a nice day.

You too.

No.

No.

Not that one.

I'll give you 700 for this
and 300 for this.

Seven hundred!

This is first edition,
it's worth at least a grand.

I know, but it doesn't go
with my deck.

It's a nice card, but I'm not paying
a thousand for it.

Eight hundred.
Because it's you.

It's a buyers' market.

You can't sell
your whole deck like that.

I don't know what else to do.

I've been bringing my resume around.

I'm always either underqualified
or overqualified.

For real?

They f*ckin' want to hire
Chinese children

they can pay
three cents an hour.

You, overqualified?

You're not overqualified
for anything.

I know.

You have average competence.
You're pretty ordinary.

f*cking rotten capitalist system.

Yeah.

I might have something
more your speed

that will get you out of the sh*t
really fast.

I have some friends
looking for a place

to store things in the long term.

A place?

A kind of hole.

A hole that hypothetically could
exist in a house under renovation.

A hole over which could be poured
a nice new concrete floor.

You get the kind of hole
I'm talking about?

Yeah.

Nothing wrong with offering a hole
to some friends, eh?

That's true.

Sarah, today we'll transform
the bedroom you share with your guy.

That's right.

Let me say that Jonathan
hasn't had a lucky life.

He never knew his parents.

He was abandoned by an alcoholic
mother and an unknown father.

And you told me he's never
had the chance to travel.

That's true.

Today, we're going to offer him
the room of his dreams,

inspired by the colours of a city
he's always wanted to see,

a.k.a. the Big Apple.

That's what we call
armchair travelling!

Sarah, you know our handyman,
the lovely Jean-François,

and our star interior designer,
Daphné.

Of course I do.

Daphné, you were inspired
by Sarah's ideas.

Yes. You want a bedroom
with a New York theme.

Great idea!

I went looking and I found
some amazing treasures.

We'll start by emptying the room.

Jean-François, you're going to make
a headboard out of MDF

that I custom-designed
with an alcove and LED lights.

Great, Daphné.
I'll get busy.

We'll paint the walls taxi yellow
with a black ceiling.

Don't be nervous, it will give
the room an industrial flair.

As well, dark ceilings
make a room seem larger.

I have lots of surprises
that you'll see at the big reveal!

-Great, I'm excited!
-Me too.

We have no time to lose.

Because you're pregnant, Sarah,
you should save your strength.

Usually the participants
work on the renos with us.

But let's get started,

because we have to be done
before Jonathan gets home at 6.

Are you ready?
Déco à Go? Go!

Sarah, we have
a little surprise for you.

The team called up your mom,

who wanted to offer you
a present for your room.

-Hi sweetie!
-Hi.

Marie, since your retirement,

you've been learning to paint
and you sent us one of your pieces.

Yes, it's a painting of New York
with lots of yellow.

Yellow is the colour
of success.

New York is such a timeless city.

You're getting good, eh?

Thanks, mom.

Sarah, you have a little surprise
for your parents as well?

Go on,
tell them your secret!

Well, I guess me and Jo...

I'm pregnant.

Oh my god!

Oh sweetie, that's the best news
you could ever give me.

Now I get why you look
so much heavier.

We thought you looked bigger
in your photos.

You should have told us before!

Yeah, but I wanted to tell you
in person.

But you never come to see us.

And my little Sugar,
are you there too?

Yup.

My little Sugar.

Guy, do you have anything to say?

Yeah! We'll come see you.

It'll give us a good reason
to come back to Quebec.

You'll need help
with a little one.

It's not so easy
to take care of a baby.

You'll find it hard, sweetie.

It's a lot of self-sacrifice.

That's great, but we have
a lot of work to do

before Jonathan gets home.

-Thank you Guy and Marie.
-No probl...

Hello?

Yes, that's me.

Here he is.

-Jonathan!
-Yes?

Your girlfriend contacted us
to offer you the gift

of the bedroom of your dreams.

The whole team of Déco à Go? Go!
worked hard today

on a very special transformation.

Sarah?

No more sleeping in the living room.

Are you ready for a big surprise?

-Yeah.
-Okay, go!

This is why you were
all done up this morning?

Did I do something wrong?

No, Jo, you didn't do anything.
As usual.

The bank called
this afternoon.

When I call ''Go on in",
you open the door and you go in.

Okay.

And it's important
to name the objects around you.

It will help us with editing.

If you're talking about curtains,
say the word "curtains".

If you like the lamps,
say "The lamps are nice."

And we won't film it twice,
so try to seem happy the first time.

Yeah.

Gotta put your game faces on,

because it might be screening on TV
for the next ten years.

You told me
you were paying the bills!

Was that a lie?

I'm sorry babe,
it's just...

I didn't want to stress you out,
with the baby...

To stress me with what?

I lost my job.

You lost your job?

f*ck, when?

Two months ago.

Two months?

Go on in!

Jonathan,
do you like your bedroom?

Wow. It's New York.

Yeah. To channel the atmosphere
of your favourite city,

we used adhesive wall decals
of iconic scenes.

Look, the curtains are great,
eh babe?

Yeah, the curtains.

It echoes of the zebra print
in the kitchen.

Also, in the MDF headboard built
by Jean-François, our handyman,

you have built-in LED lighting
that changes colour

to recall the lights
of Times Square.

Oh wow, the lights.

And finally, we know that renos
aren't easy or cheap,

especially with a baby on the way
and plans for a trip to New York.

The team wanted to give you
a little present.

We're offering you
a gift certificate for a photo sh**t

at a professional studio to record
this time with your baby bump.

Wow, a photo sh**t!

Thanks to the whole team!

Great work by Jean-François
and the talented Daphné.

Jonathan and Sarah, we wish you
happiness in your new bedroom!

We'll see you next week
for another transformation on

Déco à Go? Go!

You're just a f*cking
coward and a liar.

Did you lie to me
when we started dating?

I was a sap.

"Look at that dumbass bitch
dating that dumbass liar."

I never lied to you, babe.
It's the only time, I swear.

f*ck, we're $30 grand in debt

and we have a mortgage we can't pay
because you have no job!

You act like a f*cking teenager
and you're a f*cking liar!

How can I trust you now?

How can I f*cking trust you?

You haven't made an effort
in years!

That's not true.

f*ck, Jo.
You don't make an effort for me.

You put on 40 pounds in two years.
You think I like how you look?

I'm the only one trying here,
and it's f*cking exhausting!

-I can't just tell you what to do.
-Sorry.

Shut up or I'll give you something
to be sorry about!

And although I live
far from your sun

I despise my nights
I hate my awakenings

When you left it hurt
like a Kn*fe in my skin

I'm not backing out
when I say I love you

I won't spend my life hiding
my pain

Go up and sing a song,
it'll perk you up.

I don't have a song.

What would you tell your girl
if she was here?

I miss you.

That's a good one.

Cue it up.

Thanks Mélanie-Kim.
A round of applause.

Next up, La Chicane's I Miss You
with the handsome Jonathan.

Ladies, give him a hand.

Turn on the lights
Close the door, there's a draft

Tell me harsh words
Tell me soft words

Tell me everything
you want to hear

Bring your cards
We'll play until you leave

Tell me funny things

Tell me boring things

Do what you want
I don't want you to leave

I miss you
We have lots of things to say

After the rain comes good weather
But the storm can last a long time

Tell me a story
Like you do so well

Tell me about that time
Tell me about the other time

Tell me anything at all

Play me the guitar
Play it even if it's late

Make me laugh
Make me sing

Then after you can go

I miss you
We have lots of things to say

After the rain comes good weather
But...

Close the curtains
You can see my eyes full of tears

Don't look at me
Don't talk to me

I won't cry if you don't leave

After the rain comes good weather
But the storm can last a long time

Jim, if your guys are still
looking for a hole,

I'm in.

Thank you, Jonathan.

Next up is Marie-Pierre
singing Every Cry, Each S.O.S.

Hello lovely! Been a while. What u doing?

I'm touching myself

Mmmm show me

I'd love to see you

Hello?

I'm not with Jo anymore

You make this on your own?

Yeah, but it takes months.

You have to make the links
one by one.

You made this on your own

but you can't manage
a f*cking home reno?

And who's the character?

Galdèche.

A former butcher
who became a warrior.

He inherited the axe
of Servert the Conqueror.

Only he can use it,
anyone else catches on fire.

Unless they're wearing
the Glove of Bulgur.

That's hot.

The Glove of Bulgur?

It's an artifact.

Here, look.
Put it on.

Now you can hold it.

Here they are.

Jo, this is Tattoo and Eric.

Boys, this is Jo.

This is Sugar,
and this is his house.

Where do we put the package?

Downstairs.

Turn around.

It won't make the turn.

f*cking house
full of f*cking corners.

Drop it.

f*cking sh*t.

For f*ck's sake.

Chill the f*ck out,
you're not the one who k*lled him.

No, the deal's off.
You said it was things.

That's not things,
that's someone!

-Calm down, Galdèche.
-Piss off with your Galdèche.

I'm out.

Wrap it back up
and get it out of here.

You see how fat this guy is?

I don't care, deal with it!

You don't understand.

You can't back out
of a deal like this.

There's no way
I'm burying this guy here.

I'm not living
on top of a dead body.

You can shut your f*cking trap.

This fat f*ck is going
in a hole right here.

That's it, that's all.

So... the hole?

Where do we dig?

You can take it from here.

You're not doing it with me?

Why do you think
we're paying you a hundred grand?

So you can watch us do it?

f*cking lazy ass.

You're all the same. You want money,
but you don't want to work for it.

But I don't know how.

Look on the internet.
It has everything.

You don't need to know anything.

Here, you can fix all your problems
with this.

Don't put it in the bank.

Good job, Galdèche.

Welcome to this new video
by Reno-Tips:

How to pour a concrete floor.

When you start,
make sure your floor is level.

With dirt and 3/4 down gravel,
prepare a foundation.

Slowly add one part water
to six parts concrete mix,

making sure to mix well
until smooth.

Then pour the concrete.

Level it immediately.

Let it dry
and contemplate your work.

Congratulations, you did it!

OCTOBER

Babe,

I've been texting you loads
but you don't answer.

I have to talk to you about Sugar.

It's important.

I love you.

You okay?

No, I'm all seized up right here.

That's from too much phone.

Happened to me too,
when I was on the apps.

Too much sexting.

One hand on the phone,
the other in the pants.

I got all seized up here.

I was texting with 30 or 40 guys,

10 or 15 girls and two non-binaries
at the same time.

Takes a f*ck ton of management.

With the girls,
it was longer.

Like, more erotic.

That's how I got seized up.
Endless texts!

It was worse with the guys.

They'd send a picture of their d*ck
like it was a golden nugget.

They come in three seconds,
no time to get a stiff neck there.

One of the girls,
what turned her on

was to meet a stranger,
not say a word and eat her p*ssy.

So she came over.

Came in and didn't say a word.

She made me come four or five times
with her tongue on the sofa,

then she left without a word.

Gotta be careful with oral
if you're pregnant.

If you get blown too hard,
it goes up to the uterus

and that's dangerous for the baby.

I'd never been eaten
like that before.

But I have a theory.

I think that guys blow
better than girls.

I'm not there anymore. I'm euphoric.

It's like people who take real dr*gs.

Coke, cr*ck, anything.

I can't live without it.

My first bite, it was...

It's over.

It's the wheel that's turning
and turning...

But where's your life in all of that?

Jo's not the sharpest pencil
in the box,

but he's still a good guy.

Then, you just look in the mirror.

Text him.

Is that what you want? To be fat?

I'm unhappy. I could even have
a panic att*ck just from looking at myself.

I hate myself, really, but I'm making it.

I got the nicest urn they had.

Thanks for doing that, babe.

I wouldn't have had it in me.

She was a good dog.

She d*ed peacefully.

Are you serious?

-You did this yourself?
-Yeah.

You?
You did this?

That's impressive!

And that's not all.

What the heck?
Where is this from?

The union negotiated
a better severance package.

Two years of pay.

Not possible.

I've never seen so much cash
in my life!

Oh yeah.

You're so beautiful, babe.

Holy sh*t, that's hot.

Oh yeah.

It's been so long.

Be careful not to blow
into my vag*na.

Why would I do that?

I dunno, but be careful.
Apparently it's bad for the baby.

I wouldn't blow
into your vag*na.

Okay, but I'm wet enough anyway.

I'll go on top,
it'll be more comfy.

Look into each others' eyes.
Like that, that's great.

Big smiles now.
Chin down, sir. That's it.

And show your teeth.
You got teeth? That's it, sir!

Now from the side, lean into him,
stick out your belly, perfect.

Look over here, this way.
Sir, your teeth.

Yes sir, you got it.
This is great, fantastic.

Sir, the time is now.

-Go on, you can do it.
-Now?

What is it?

Go on, that's it.

Babe,

the ordeals of the past few months
haven't been easy.

I haven't been the best boyfriend.

I'm sorry I lied to you.

I'll never forgive myself,

but I hope you'll be able
to forgive me.

Fantastic!

These last months have made me see
that I want to face life with you.

That's it, sir.

I want you next to me always.

I'll always be your knight.

And I'll try to be better.

Really.

For you.

Sarah,

will you be my princess
forever?

I haven't been very nice
these last few months either.

I've been freaking out.

Jo, you're such a good guy.

Yes, I want to marry you.

Oh my god.

One more, this way!

I saw a really nice stroller.
The Babygaloo 6.

$850, I hear it's the best.

That's great.

And maybe we should get a new car.

Something a bit bigger.

Babies need a lot of stuff.

Like an SUV.
Maybe a hybrid.

We have to start thinking
of the planet.

You're right.

I love you, babe.

I love you too.

Must have been dirt and grease
building up inside the pipe.

Probably formed a blockage.

And with a blocked line in,

the oil takes longer to circulate,
the furnace works harder.

It has to pump
more than usual.

If you don't have it looked at,
it can give out.

You'll start by soaking up
the oil on the floor.

Try to clear it up
or your house will be all greasy.

Then we'll come in and take care
of the contaminated waste.

Then we'll dig
to get under the concrete.

What for?

The concrete
wasn't even finished properly.

I don't know who you got to do this,
but don't hire him anymore.

I hope it didn't cost you too much.

Looks like a lot of oil
seeped into it.

That's no good, you don't want
to live on contaminated ground.

It's dangerous and ends up
stinking up the place.

Okay so you'll dig
up to here?

No.

To make sure,
we'll have to dig at least

up to here.

1313 Bar.

Hi Jim, it's Jo.

I have a problem
with the hole.

I have to dig up
the package.

m*therf*cker.

Seriously, I can't believe how
mature and involved Jo is now.

He's so much more relaxed
since he's been off work.

We don't even realize it,

but it's so f*cking stressful
to work all the time.

That's for sure.

Now, I dunno,
it's like he's more grounded.

But everything is easier
when you have money.

Even the oil damage,
I'm not stressing about it.

No, it's just a last little bump,
and then...

the wedding.

Well, I hope it doesn't
turn out like with Kelly's brother.

Kelly, the zumba teacher.

Her brother was getting married
last summer, an exotic wedding.

They chose a tropical island.

They're rich, so they rented
a private jet to bring the family.

There was Kelly and her boyfriend,

the bride's brother, the parents,
grandparents, cousins.

And then the plane crashed.

Okay, and?

And what?

The plane crashed and...?

Well, they all d*ed.

And you just have
15 grand left.

Jesus, we just buried him.

It goes fast.

Did you see
what had to be done here?

The baby will be here soon.

Life is expensive.

You're telling me.

Like I didn't know that
that life is f*cking expensive.

How long do we have?

They're coming at noon.

And your girlfriend?

She's at a motel spa with a friend,
they'll be back tomorrow.

Nice f*cking job.

Seriously,
I didn't think you had it in you.

Which one d'you want?

This one.

C'mon, go!

C'mon, f*cking lift it.

Lift!

Jesus holy f*cking sh*t.

You owe me big time
from now on.

Already?

-Calm the f*ck down.
-What do we do?

Shut up!

Good thing we're getting it out,
it's starting to smell like rot.

You don't have to stay here.

This will take a while.

Yeah, but my buddies wanted to see
how you were going to do it.

We'll finish our game after.

What's this?

A rat.

From now on,

you answer your phone
whenever I need a favour.

Got it?

I'm not cut out
for a life of crime.

Shoulda thought of that before.

Good thing we have good insurance.

There are a few things
that we can't replace,

but once we're done with this,
we'll be fine.

Come on, babe.

Just one last stretch
before the end, then it's done.

I know, it's just...

I'm just tired.

It's like we'll never be done
with these renos.

We're almost there.

Almost done.

DECEMBER

Sweetie, we're at the airport.

We're about to board.

A thousand bucks for two tickets,
that's a pricey shower!

You can't say that we never did
anything for you.

Where'd you find that?

I went shopping!

Serious shopping.

They have nice things
for kids there.

-Thanks.
-That's real leather, eh?

What's this?

A breast pump.
They're super useful.

I'm gonna look like a cow.

Stop it!

No, it's really practical.

When your breasts are full,
you'll be damn happy to have it.

And you have little nipples.
Maybe Zoe won't latch on.

Mom, not in front of everyone!

f*ck, Sarah, we know
you have small nipples.

We don't give a sh*t.

Exactly.
No big deal, sweetie.

Thanks.

A speech?

Yeah!

Speech, speech, speech!

Okay!

A year ago, if you'd told me
I'd be living my dream life,

I'd have said,
"Of course I will!"

No, just kidding.

It's been harder
than I thought

with the house, the renos,
the relationship, the debt.

I almost gave up.

But life was kind to us.

The house is perfect.

Our relationship is perfect.

Little Zoe will be perfect.

And all of you,
you're all perfect!

Living the dream!

Anyway, I'm happy
to have you as a son-in-law.

Thanks, Guy.

I love your daughter
more than anything.

I'd do anything for her.

I can see that.

And I know it's not easy
for you young folks today.

Not easy.

What with overpopulation,

climate change,
debt, the internet, disease.

Everything's about to explode.

I can't believe we're still
letting people have kids.

Maybe it'll be your little girl
who saves the world.

To the firstborn of Galdèche,
the butcher turned warrior.

Long live your lineage,
my friend.

Well.

Yeah, Sarah didn't want me
late for dessert.

Don't forget your bag.

What's in there?

Clothes for the child of Galdèche.

I can't believe you never told me
that Sugar d*ed.

I have so much going on,
I forgot.

Forgot?

I'm happy for you two.

Thanks.

Police!
Put your hands up!

No!
I didn't do anything!

It wasn't me, I swear!

I'm sorry!

I didn't k*ll him,
I just buried him!

I swear!

Jonathan Tardif, you're under arrest
for homicide and defiling a corpse.

You have the right
to remain silent.

Anything you say
can and will be used against you.

What the heck?

You have the right to legal counsel.
Do you understand?

Yes.

Jo!

I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

What the f*ck is going on?

Leave her alone,
she has nothing to do with it.

What are you talking about?
What is this about?

I'm sorry, babe.

Move along now.

You too,
get out of here.