06x02 - Angel Gets Her Wings

[bunniefuu]

[rock music playing]

[vocalizing]

♪ In to win it ♪

♪ And I know you notice ♪

♪ It's up in lights so say my name…[/i] ♪

[woman] I always knew
that I was different.

[Jonathan] Everybody!

-[Karamo laughs]
-[Tan] Yes, ma'am!

Our angel this week is literally an Angel.

-Our hero this week, honey.
-Aww!

Here I am.

"Her name is Angel Flores."

"She's 22. She now lives in Austin."

"She's an athlete and a coach
who just graduated from UT."

-Yay!
-Yes!

I coach Olympic weightlifting,
and I compete in powerlifting.

-Powerlifting, that's no joke.
-Yes!

"She was nominated by Vinny,
her coach, and Katia, her girlfriend."

-[exhales]
-There's nobody like Angel.

Oh, that was just a flex. [laughs]

I'm like, okay,
I am not gonna do that one.

-Why not?
-[laughing]

Any time I tell people about Angel,

I always kind of warn them ahead of time,

"Hey, you're gonna be
around this woman for about 30 seconds

and you're gonna fall in love with her,
because you can't not love Angel."

Drive it up!

[man yells] Come on, girl!

-[sighs]
-Easy peasy.

-Whoo!
-[Angel laughing]

[Vinny] She's extremely driven.

About two weeks ago, she competed
in her first powerlifting competition.

She moved mountains.

Nice 402 pounds like nothing.

She now holds the state record.

Angel's a very strong woman.

She's so unapologetically her.

And I wish that that could be
implemented more in her everyday life,

and not in just her lifting.

[Katia] It's interesting
to see her go out into the world

and, like,
literally make herself smaller

because I don't think
she feels comfortable as who she is.

[Angel] I've always just been really,
really insecure about my body.

I guess it took me 20 years
to realize that, like,

it's not that I needed
to find a more masculine body

or be ripped or be shredded.

It's that I needed to transition.

[Katia] She looks like
she wants to steal your medicine.

-You don't want any T blockers, baby.
-[both laugh]

[Angel] Austin Pride 2019, I, like,
shaved my legs for the first time.

I, like, put the sports bra on,

and I put on, like,
a pair of, like, tiny shorts,

and I looked in the mirror,
and I was like, "That's me."

[chuckles] It was, like, so freeing.

My cocoon just kind of went… boop.
And, like, that was it.

[Vinny] She's always in gym clothes,
running around in a sports bra

and short shorts,

and she doesn't know quite
how to be anything other than that.

I'm built like a fridge.

-You're a very cute fridge.
-[laughs]

I'd love it if Angel wore
not sports clothes on a date. [laughs]

"Outside the gym,
Angel's extremely self-conscious

about how she presents herself in public,

and she still shies away from most
public spaces out of fear of rejection."

[Karamo] Wow.

The idea of doing any kind of shopping
outside of grocery shopping alone is just…

[whistles] …terrifying.

Absolutely terrifying
and anxiety-inducing.

Who's watching me pick out clothes?
Is this going to fit my body type?

Do I go to a fitting room?

Am I gonna put this on
and immediately get an anxiety att*ck?

It's just… it really sucks.

[Vinny] Angel is truly finding who she is,

but she still has those
few speed bumps to get over.

She is
at a very pivotal point in her life,

and she just needs
to be shown that she's perfect. [laughs]

[Vinny] I feel like only people that
have been in the q*eer community

can show her that path,

and I think that would
make her feel so seen.

Yes! We want her to feel comfortable
and safe and herself everywhere she goes.

"So let's help this athlete go for gold
both inside the gym and out!"

[all] Yeah!

[theme music playing]

♪ Better
All things just keep getting better ♪

-[rock music playing]
-♪ You're so beautiful ♪[/i]

♪ You're so magical… ♪

[Vinny and Angel] Go!

Pause, pause. There you go.

[Angel] Whoo!

[Antoni] Y'all ready to lift?

Never been more ready
to lift weights in my life.

Work!

Angel!

Look at this weight you're pulling, queen.

[Angel] Hi!

-It's a pleasure to meet you, my gosh.
-[Karamo] Hi, Angel.

-Nice to meet you. How are you?
-[Angel] I'm sweaty, I'm so sorry.

Don't apologize.

Gorgeous. Oh, my gosh. This is so gorg.

How much were you just doing?

That's like 250.

I think Antoni could do it.
Antoni's feeling personally challenged.

-[Karamo] Antoni's our strong one.
-Got the right footwear for it.

Oh, my--

Squeeze that ass, Antoni.

-There you go.
-Oh, you got it!

[all cheering]

-One's enough.
-[Tan laughing]

Holy crap!

-That was extremely impressive.
-[Angel] That was really impressive.

You're impressive.

-[laughing]
-Wow. I struggled to do one.

And, like, my back is sore.

Angel's deadlift is more than two Antonis.

She's a powerful woman.

Is this actually a q*eer gym?

Yes. q*eer women owned, queen women ran.

[Karamo] Wow.

-[shouts]
-[laughing]

Yay!

-You're just showing off at this point.
-Two more.

-Low.
-Two.

If you held this in front of me,

-I would really just keep coming for it.
-Keep coming for it!

-[both] I just want the donut, please.
-[Jonathan laughs]

[Karamo] You've become her mentor.

-Yeah, uh…
-What's that been like?

She's something special.

-She needs to understand that.
-[Karamo] Yeah.

And I just want her
to see herself as beautiful.

-Yeah.
-Because Angel has no clue who she is.

[Tan] Angel, we love seeing your space,

but we wanna see your home.
We wanna meet Katia.

-So can you take us, show us the way?
-Let's go.

-Let's go. Thank you, everyone!
-[crowd cheering]

[Tan] Angel, when you were a kid,
was this the goal,

to be an Olympic athlete,
or is this a new thing?

I've been playing sports
since I was, like, seven.

My dad put me through every
single one of those sports growing up,

soccer, baseball, everything.

I sucked at every single one of 'em,
except football.

Like, my dad made sure to tell me,
like, "You are playing all these sports."

Like, even if I was just sitting
on the field playing with the flowers,

it was always, like,
"I'm trying to make him proud."

And then I became a teenager,
and all of a sudden,

I'm second team all-district football,
and I'm, like, really, really good.

And then through UT, I joined
the Olympic weightlifting team there,

and that's where I found
my dream of like, "Oh, athletics."

-Yeah.
-Okay.

[Tan] How long have you
lived in this neighborhood?

[Angel] Um, let's see.
About a month and a half.

-[Tan] You're really new.
-[Angel] We just moved in.

-[Antoni] Love these little plants.
-[Bobby] Right?

-[Karamo laughs]
-Our little plant friends.

-Come into my home.
-Home!

[Tan] It's a great space.

[Angel] Yeah, it's really, really nice.

She's lacking personality,
but you've only been here a month.

And you got butt plugs already?
That is cute.

-What is this for?
-Your feet.

Angel is young. Angel is 22,
and this is her first proper home.

This place is a mess.

It is definitely looking very student-y.
But she's no longer a student.

Workout gear.

Workout gear.
We've got athleisure covered.

Ooh, there's a nice little fireplace
behind here.

-Put your finger in here.
-Oh, God.

-Are you gonna Julia Roberts me?
-[Antoni] Oh!

[mock laughter]

-[Jonathan] Can I?
-You remember the Julia Roberts thing?

[guffawing]

-Whoa!
-[Angel] Yep. Those come off.

-Those come off. They are hella broken.
-We'll fix that. We'll fix that.

-I wouldn't mind seeing her in that.
-What about me?

I love a crop moment.

-Can you throw that out and I'll keep it?
-Yes, I'll take that for you.

Whoo! This is really pretty.

-I actually love this dresser.
-[Angel] Yeah.

I wish I could do more with it
in terms of, like, decoration,

but I have no clue
how to decorate anything.

-Lucky I'm here.
-I guess this is why you're here. [laughs]

[Antoni] A lot of dirty dishes

and a dishwasher that is full
and hasn't been turned on yet. Okay.

Okay. Yes.

No. [chuckles]

Ooh. [sighs]

I know what this is, honey.

-[ball thuds]
-[sighs]

Strength sport. Yes, for the medals.
Yes, for already winning awards!

[Jonathan] You're in a whole new world.

How do you feel with your confidence
in how you present yourself in the world?

In the world and in the gym
are two very different things, right?

But it's weird because they both exist…

-In the world?
-In the world.

[laughs] Um…

In the gym, I feel like I'm
the most confident person in the room.

Outside of the gym,
you'll probably find me doing this a lot

and, like, holding myself like this
and just like…

-"Don't look at me."
-The body language.

So, we just have to figure out
how to get you into your gym energy.

And so in that way,

I think that, you know, hair and makeup,
we can use as a tool, if it helps.

I did a full face once,
and it was a, like, whole panic att*ck.

I, like, don't self-care.

Like, I have never had a nail day.
I've never had, like, a mani/ped--

I've never done any of that.

I would challenge you to rethink
how you think about self-care,

because you actually do
do self-care in the gym.

You do a lot of stuff that brings you joy,
but we just need to diversify.

'Cause if you're only, like,
going into the one joy road, honey,

if that joy road
has to get shut down for repairs,

what else road are you gonna take?

So, we just gotta
teach you some new routes.

Yeah. Definitely.

[Tan] There were things
that made me think,

"Okay, you've been exploring."

-Crop?
-I wore it, like, once.

I didn't know what to pair it with,

and, like, the one time I wore it
I was like, "Ah, it didn't feel right."

[Tan] This closet seems very sporty,

and I don't see you in your closet.

I… I don't know. Like, I've never--

I haven't pinned down my style yet.
I haven't pinned down Angel's style.

Okay.

I've always, like,
really liked grungy, like, '90s rock.

The ripped jeans and the fishnets.

But, like,
I have no idea what looks good on me.

If I were passing you on the street
and I'd never met you

and you were to walk past me
in your favorite outfit,

what do you want me to think?

I would like to feel, like, sexy.

-Great. That's what I wanna know.
-Yeah.

-I would love to feel sexy.
-Okay.

[laughs] 'Cause I definitely don't
feel sexy most of the time.

I don't know how to highlight the feminine
parts of my body. 'Cause I lift…

-That's your job.
-I'm an athlete. Like, that's what I do.

And so you wanna find a way
to balance the person that you are at work

and the person you are inside.

One hundred percent.

[Antoni] Was food important growing up?

-[Angel] Like, I was always eating.
-[Antoni] Who made food? Mom or Dad?

-My mom cooked everything.
-[/i][Antoni] Really?

Uh, my dad would barbecue,
like, once a week, probably.

-But my mom was, like, the--
-Such a dad.

I know, right? [laughs]

But it was always good, though.

Let's not get it twisted.
His barbecue was great.

But my mom cooking, like, day to day,
week to week, was very, very nice.

What would she make
that would get you excited?

Everything. Her father, he's Filipino.

-So there's Filipino influences there.
-[gasps]

She would come in here and make pansit.
I'm sure I'm butchering that.

Don't look at me like I speak Tagalog,
because I do not.

[laughs]

-[Fab Five] Hi!
-[laughing]

-[Karamo] How you doin'?
-[Bobby] How are you? Great to meet you.

[ominous music playing]

[Tan] I'd love a moment
to just chat to you, please.

So, you started dating Angel
as a heterosexual relationship.

Correct.

As Angel started transitioning,
did you at any point struggle with it?

Uh, yeah, there were definitely times.

I mean, I think at the beginning
it was really, like, kind of rough.

-It was just like, "Is this what I want?"
-Yeah.

That was the self-question
you have to ask.

Like, is this something that
I am mentally capable to handle?

But I just--
I love her, and I love her a lot.

And, like, to me, like,
that's more important than anything else.

-I'm gonna high five you real quick.
-[laughs]

[Tan laughs] That's what I was hoping
you were gonna say.

You said you started to transition
when you were 21?

-Yeah, 21.
-How's your family since you started?

My mom and my siblings
have been really, really great.

They took the time to, like, process.

And what about your father?

Because your father was the one
that sort of inspired you

and sort of pushed you when it came
to, like, being in the sports arena.

[Angel sighs]

I made it my last, like, barrier

to starting hormone therapy
to go and talk to my dad

and say like, "This is what I'm doing

for my health, like, sometimes
I don't wanna be here anymore."

And we haven't spoken
since that conversation.

Last Thanksgiving and last Christmas,
he just didn't show up.

What happened?

Um, he just doesn't understand why.

I don't know, like…

I want him to see, like, that, like,

I'm smiling
this big for the first time in my life.

I'm feeling like I truly am myself,
but there is just one thing missing.

I just want my dad back.

Like, I just want my dad back. I…

He hasn't been here. [chuckles]

And I've done a lot of really cool things
since I started transitioning, and…

everybody else
is saying that they're proud of me.

But my dad has just never said that…

[Karamo] Yeah.

…like, since I started transitioning.
[sniffles]

Would it be okay with you
if I reached out to him?

So that you can sort of start
that journey maybe to get your dad back?

-Yeah.
-Yeah?

Yeah, I would really like that. [chuckles]

I'm all about facilitating this
conversation between Angel and her father.

He had such an influence on her life,

and now that person is gone,
and there's a void there.

Hey, babe.

-Cute couple alert. Oh, my gosh!
-[Karamo] I know.

[Tan] Why do you think
this'll be good for Angel?

Uh, I don't know.
I think you guys could help her a lot.

I'm just like you--
I love you, but you need some help.

[laughing]

It's really gonna take
four gay men and my non-binary queen

to teach me how to be a girl.

You know what I have to say? We want to
teach you how to do what you wanna do.

You are a woman. This is girl.

You know how to be feminine.
You know how to feel confident.

We just need
to get you comfortable in that.

-[laughs]
-[Karamo] You ready?

Yes, very much.

-All right.
-Yes!

You can kiss your lady.

-Goodbye.
-[Karamo laughs]

-[pop music playing]
-♪ One, two, three, four ♪[/i]

♪ Just a little more ♪

♪ I don't need to know
What the future holds…[/i] ♪

[Bobby] There are so many things in life

that Angel's trying
to figure out right now,

so I wanna help her at least
try to figure out her decor style

and make her home somewhere
where she feels welcome and loved.

♪ Let me put your arms around it… ♪

[Jonathan] What I wanna do
with Angel this week is make sure

that she knows that she's beautiful,
that she deserves to be confident,

that she deserves to be herself
in the world exactly how she is.

[Antoni] I wanna get together
with Angel and her mom

to find out about Angel's life,

because I really do think the best
conversations are always around a meal.

[Tan] Whoo…

Angel is special
because she's so warm,

and it's so clear
that she's spent all these years

living a life that wasn't truly hers,

and so I want
to help her feel like the woman

she's always wanted to feel like.

[Karamo] Angel has a great
support system at the gym,

but this week,
I plan on helping her talk to her father

because she needs answers from where
her relationship stands with her dad,

but also I want Angel to know

it doesn't matter
who accepts or denies you

as long as you accept and love yourself.

[pop music playing]

♪ There ain't nothing to it
Celebrate your life right now ♪

♪ Yeah, it's yours, celebrate, yeah! ♪

♪ Were about to do it, leaving it… ♪

Well, well, well, welcome to Raven Row.

-The most gorgeous salon in the world.
-Oh, thank you.

Um, hitting us with the gorge-osity
first thing in the morning.

Let's talk about your color.

You have some gorgeous,
like, red lights happening.

Do you want people to be like, "That's,
like, really natural gorgeous hair color"?

Or do you mind people being like,

"That's got a little kick to it,
but I like it"?

You just made both
of those things sound very, very great.

-And I can't decide.
-I know I did. I felt it as I said that.

So maybe it's almost kind of like
a happy medium between those things.

I feel everything I do
is a happy medium, so…

-I love a happy medium.
-[laughs]

It's so important that Angel comes
into this process knowing she's complete

and she doesn't need to change for anyone.

However, I'm a beauty expert.

I need to just teach her other ways
that she can practice self-care

so that she feels beautiful and confident,
because she's stunning.

I wanted to do your hair first

because I just wanted us to have funsies

and have you feeling
confident and thriving.

That would definitely be, like, great.

Like, I wish I was the same person, like,
out in the world that I was in the gym.

Like, it's really funny that I've done
all this work to find myself,

because, like, it feels like there's still
so much I just don't know about myself.

[Jonathan] Everyone is still
on that same kind of journey.

-Yeah.
-Know what I mean?

So, that's okay.

Like, I didn't have any role models
as a kid that I could look up to,

and, like, I never saw a trans person.

My only role models were my dad
and then athletes that I would see.

I just didn't feel right.

Like, I would, like, spend
whole class days in high school

just, like, mulling, like,
"I don't feel good. I don't feel good."

"Why do I feel so awful all the time?"

Then once you'd transitioned and made
that connection, that part relaxed.

[Angel] Yeah. I only started HRT,
like, ten months ago.

Once I started taking the hormones,
it just disappeared.

How's your family been over the last year?

Uh, like, the majority of my family, like,

went through the steps
of, like, understanding

and learning and educating
themselves and asking me questions.

[Jonathan] Mm-hmm.

[Angel] But before
I started transitioning,

I would see them, like,
at least once or twice a month.

But after transition, I literally
just said, "I don't wanna see 'em."

"I don't wanna have to deal with it.
I don't wanna have to, like,

jump through the hoops
of, like, basically forcing them

to, like, rewrite everything
that they know about me."

I don't know. Like,
I always just feel like I'm being selfish.

[Jonathan] I'd consider this.

Do you think that it's ever been, like,
a cis-het society that was selfish

in making you conform
to something that wasn't your truth,

and now you're just unlearning that?

Because you're not being selfish
for living your truth.

And I think that the people who,
you know, love you and are close to you

are really gonna wanna see you thrive.

And if people can't come to you
with that compassion and patience,

then that relationship
just wasn't meant to be right now.

Yeah.

Angel is a smart,
hardworking, beautiful woman.

She doesn't need
someone else's validation,

because we can't control other people.

So the first person
and most important person

to come to a place
of acceptance with is yourself.

-I'm so proud of you, girl.
-[laughs]

To be 22 and just be where you are,

I hope you stop
to smell those roses sometimes.

I don't know, I think
I just lose the roses sometimes.

That's okay.
I think awareness is the first key.

I think we're realizing that
we have a little, tiny bit of a deficiency

in celebrating how far we've come,
which is not problem-specific to you.

A lot of people struggle with that,
but I'm glad we're catching it at 22.

-Catch-22?
-Yeah.

-[pop music playing]
-♪ I'm feeling pretty ♪[/i]

♪ Let me introduce myself ♪

♪ Yes, I'm a city girl
I love to show and tell ♪

♪ So write this down
We might get down ♪

♪ I'm feeling pretty
Let me introduce myself… ♪

So I wanna just do, like,
a gorgeous, subtle b*at.

I have no clue what I'm doing.

I promise you, it's so easy.

[Jonathan] If you can clean and jerk,
I know you can.

[beautician] What we do
wanna add back to the face

is a little bit of color with blush.

And I use it, like, where the sun would,
like, burn you, in a sense,

because it's a little bit
more flirty and natural to the eye.

[Jonathan] Mm!

Yes!

♪ Let me introduce myself ♪[/i]

Okay, you ready to see the new Angel?
Three, two, one.

[laughing]

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God. [chuckles]

This is great.

[Jonathan] It's pretty, right?

I don't know who this is.
This is somebody else.

[sobs]

I'm not crying. I'm not crying.
I don't wanna ruin the makeup.

It's okay, we'll fix every--
Marisa is right here.

[laughs, sniffles]

Wow.

[exhales]

[laughing]

-[Jonathan] You look beautiful.
-[laughs]

-[rock music playing]
-♪ We live in heaven ♪[/i]

♪ We went through hell ♪

♪ Everybody has a story to tell…[/i] ♪

Hi!

-[laughing]
-[Tan] Oh, my gosh, you look beautiful.

-Blown away. Okay, should we shop?
-Let's do that.

[Tan] I wanna know what your
shopping experiences have been

up to this point.

Honestly, I hate shopping in person.

Last week, I walked into a store,

and before I knew it,
I'm walking past mirrors in the store,

and I'm seeing my body.

And of course, like, a beautiful girl
walks behind me, and, like, I see her,

and I'm thinking,
"I will never look like that."

"And I'll never be able to feel
that good and feel that comfortable."

And before I knew it,
I was, like, hyperventilating,

I started crying.

Katia had to grab me and take me
out of the store and be like,

"Are you okay? What's wrong?
What are you feeling?"

And at that point,
I didn't know even what I was feeling.

-Yeah.
-It was just despair.

-Yeah.
-And dysphoria. And just awful.

Just looking at this, I want to be like,

"None of this will ever fit me
or look good on me."

And is it because the size of the clothes,

or is it because you've never really
experienced this kind of clothing before?

-I'm really just clueless.
-Yeah.

The struggle for me has just been like

separating thick
and strong and dense with masculine.

But also, like, not having
to lean so far into, like,

the super-bright colors
and the super-femininity

and the, like, hyper-femininity that a lot
of trans women are expected to lean into.

You can still feel feminine even though
it's not pink, and it's not poofy.

Yeah.

Masculinity and femininity,
I could not care less about.

However, for Angel,
it's clearly a concern.

And so I want to just find
what makes her feel

a version of herself
that she's never felt before.

-You ready?
-[Angel] Yes.

-Can you come out and show us?
-[Angel] Okay.

[Tan] Tell me how you feel,
what you're thinking.

Um, I do not recognize
this girl in the mirror.

-[laughing]
-At all.

This is, um, probably, like, the first,
like, actual dress I've ever tried on.

Like, literally just,
like, put a sundress on

and tried it on and said, "Ha ha! No."

And I threw it away. Even with all
the strength that I have in these arms,

I'm super insecure
about, like, how big my arms are.

But, like, even in this dress,
they look skinnier, and it feels good.

You were saying earlier that you look
at the other girls when you go shopping

and you see their curves.

Because of the way it's cut,

it gives you a little,
itty-bitty waist, itty-bitty waist.

-[laughs]
-And then hips.

It's kind of a trick of the style.

Would you feel like, "Okay, I could
wear this dress out somewhere"?

I don't know. I get,
like, super insecure about this roll,

'cause this is,
like, left over from before HRT.

I don't know any woman,

other than maybe
the world's top supermodel,

who doesn't have
that little bit of shape there.

There's no more there
than anyone else has.

Okay.

I would like you to be kinder
to yourself when you look in the mirror.

Let's see what else we've got.

-Angel, my love.
-[Angel] Yes.

Will you, uh, show me
what you're wearing, please?

[Angel] Okay.

[Tan] Tell me how you feel.

Wow. [laughs]

This is hot.

-Yeah? Wait. Yay!
-This is, like, everything.

-[laughing]
-[sighs]

Okay, tell me why it's hot.
I know, but I want you to tell me.

[Angel] It shows, like, my muscle,
and, like, my figure.

But, like, the loose pants,
like, give me a little bit more curve

than, like, I would if I was wearing
completely skin-tight everything.

It accentuates the hips.

The belt is, like, feminine,
but also, like, strong,

and, like, it's really, really nice.

The top is just, like, sexy.

Yes, stance.

Ooh.

You did not move this way
when I saw you yesterday, at all.

[chuckling] Wow.

Wow.

Twelve hours ago,
I could never have seen her there.

This is, like, a dream.

[chuckles] Like, I could never have even,
like, dressed myself like this.

Like, I had no idea I looked like this.

Ever. [gasps]

-I'm gonna get you a tissue. Wait.
-[laughs]

[sighs]

[Tan] Seeing Angel so blissfully happy
that she finally found herself in clothing

makes me so happy.

I hope that the seed that I planted

encourages her to feel
completely comfortable in her own skin,

and will have a knock-on effect
in other areas of her life.

I love every square inch
of what I'm seeing

and turning and turning.

[both laughing]

-Yes, hair flip.
-[laughing continues]

-Thank you.
-Of course.

-Thank you. Thank you.
-No, thank you.

I love that I get to be
your fairy godmother.

[rock music playing]

♪ Yay, good riddance ♪

♪ I will show you how ♪

♪ Go the distance… ♪

-[Bobby] Pretty store, eh?
-[Angel] Oh, my God, it's gorgeous.

I wanted you here

because end of the week
we have something going on. Which is?

-It's a housewarming party.
-Okay.

Have you really entertained before?

At our last apartment, we had, like,
one big party for Katia's birthday.

Um, but outside of that, like,

nothing that, like,
I would consider, like, a "party!"

I want you to feel at home
like I see your face at your gym.

-[laughs]
-[Bobby] Angel feels safe in the gym.

But there are so many places
where I know she doesn't feel welcome.

-Hi.
-[man] Hey.

John and Doug.

-Hi.
-And that's Luna.

Luna's so pretty.

So, I wanna take her to this cute,
local store where she can feel safe.

[Angel] Literally, like, style
and, like, house design and home design

is something I've never,
ever, ever broached or thought about.

[Bobby] Okay.
As most 22-year-olds haven't.

I know that my husband loves, even
if I don't take them into consideration…

-[laughs]
-He loves for me to hear his opinions.

-I asked, actually, Katia to come with us.
-Oh, really?

I wanted to make sure that I included her,

because home stuff is a big step,
very much so when you live together.

And speaking of, hi.

-[Angel laughs] Hi.
-Hi.

-You look amazing.
-[laughs] Yay!

-[Katia] Your shoes!
-[both laughing]

I'm like, "Look at you."

-My God! Can I wear these pants too?
-[Bobby] Gonna start stealing clothes.

-Heck yeah.
-[laughing]

I can walk. Look.

[Katia] I'm so proud of you.

-Is this your first major outing in heels?
-[Angel] This is the first time.

-Really?
-[Angel] Success.

[Bobby] Amazing.

Although I do like your sofa,

my rule on large pieces in the home,

like sofas, beds, dining tables,
do things that are neutral.

And then pillows and rugs you can
switch out, depending on how you feel.

This is an upgraded version
of the couch that we have right now.

-[Bobby] Yes.
-Yeah.

-Like, this is great.
-[Bobby] Let's explore a little more.

I also know that
your favorite color is green.

So one of the chairs that I thought
would be cute for you, because it's green…

-[Angel] Great.
-…is this one.

-She's real solid, she's real comfy…
-But also really soft.

[Bobby] I like it, though,
because it's also three materials.

The upholstery, the plastic shell,

which is kind of
like a vintage Eames chair,

and then you've got the metal down here.
So three different materials.

-[Angel] It's really cute.
-[Bobby] It's very unique.

-I do like this one. Really nice.
-[Bobby] See?

I told you we'd find your style.
You have good style.

You have good opinions.
You got good taste.

[laughs]

[emotional music playing]

[man] The whole past year has been tough,
because for 21 years I raised a boy.

I haven't really, truly processed
what my kid is going through.

-Have you ever met anybody who is trans?
-No.

I know nothing about the trans community.

Like the big thing,
they're all trying to use restrooms.

To me, it wasn't a big deal.

But then it directly affected my family.

It came to your house.

So, this is something hard for me to
actually take in and move forward with it.

My biggest fear in seeing my kid

is that exterior that
I have not yet grasped.

And what's the fear? Of, like, seeing--

Of not seeing
the child that you have in your mind?

[Jose] Yeah.

[Karamo] But I think sometimes as parents,

you know, we have one image of the life
we think our child is gonna have,

and then when that image doesn't happen,
we start to grieve it.

Yeah.

But I want you to know that
the image you had for your child

is not that far off.

And there's a happiness there,
but Angel misses you.

Angel misses you
more than I think you even know.

[Jose] I… I just kinda wanna know
how that process started.

I guess that's my biggest thing,

is where that.. that mindset,
or change of mindset, came from.

[voice breaks]
Because there's a true void…

in my heart that I've been missing.

[rock music playing]

♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ I'm unbreakable
You can't take me down ♪

♪ I'm unbreakable
You can't slow me down ♪

♪ Can't slow me down
You can't slow me… ♪

[Antoni] I'm so excited to make these.

We have soy, rice wine vinegar,
a little bit of sugar,

and sometimes I like to put a bit
of scallion or green onion in as well.

I do that with
scallion pancakes sometimes.

-Oh, that sounds good, actually.
-Yummy, salty, sharp.

-Hey.
-Oh, my gosh!

-[Christina] Oh, my gosh!
-[Antoni] I love this.

-Sorry, have a mother/daughter moment.
-[laughs]

[Antoni] When life is changing
around you so much,

a recipe can kind of bring you back.

-Yeah, it looks good.
-[laughs] Thanks, Mom.

[Antoni] Food does have
this incredible power of nostalgia.

Your face lit up when I started asking you
about, like, food you remember

when you were growing up,

and you mentioned Mom made lumpia.[/i]
Have you ever made this together?

I don't think we ever made it together.
I haven't eaten it in years.

-In years?
-[Angel] Years. So good.

Especially when she makes it,
like, it's just iconic.

-[Christina] That's a nice thing to say.
-[both laughing]

-[Antoni] Mom is here to teach us today.
-Exactly.

Lumpia are these pretty traditional
Filipino fried spring rolls

that have all kinds
of different fillings in 'em.

A little thing that
I like to do with ground meat,

I just kind of slice through it.

So this helps crumble it a little bit so
that it'll fall apart a little more easily

-once it's in the pan.
-You're not mashing it.

-[Antoni] Exactly.
-Oh, my goodness.

[Antoni] Do you wanna cut the cabbage?

-I'm already terrified.
-You're already terrified?

I curl my fingers,

and then I use the point
of the Kn*fe as kind of my guide.

-Is this thin enough?
-[Christina] Yes.

-Nothing like a mom's approval.
-[laughing]

-[Antoni] What's next?
-[Christina] We start the vegetables.

[Antoni] So, we have cabbage,
green onion, the carrots.

Garlic. Soy sauce.

[Antoni] And a little bit of oyster sauce.

We're actually able
to find lumpia [/i]wrappers.

[Christina gasps]

You would think I've been
to Chipotle enough to figure this out.

[laughs] And we have egg wash here,
just to let it hold together.

-Boom. Did it.
-Look at that!

I just watch until they're kind of
golden brown on each side.

[Antoni] Angel was telling me how,
when she was growing up,

her dad is the one who, like,

pushed her towards, like,
basically doing every single sport.

It's interesting that now it feels like

I'm achieving the things
that he wanted me to achieve,

even when I was younger.

You know?
Do you remember my last football game?

I came off the field, and I was crying,
and I was, like, weeping,

"My athletic career's over."

And he gave me this big hug,
and he told me he was proud of me, and…

-He's so good at those hugs.
-[Angel] He is really good.

[Christina] I understand
because your last competition,

I was sitting there thinking, like,

"Gosh, I'm here," but knowing, like,
"I'm not who she wants there, really."

It's not that he doesn't love you,
or he doesn't--

It's just trying to understand--
You know how he is.

He gets-- He has to come on his own time.

Everybody needs a moment.

Like, the love of my life, like, needed
time to work through it for herself.

We can't simply expect everybody
to just instantly switch.

Right. Just because we're ready, we can't
make that assumption of other people.

What brought me to peace is
seeing your face for the first time

after you started transitioning
and the smile.

And then just knowing that you're happy.

[Antoni] Angel's mom is so supportive.

She's so vulnerable and open

about what her struggles were
with Angel's transition.

But she just sees her kid,
and she wants her to be happy.

That's acceptance right there.

He's coming from
a traditional Mexican family,

and it was-- you know,
it's one way and that's it.

But I think he's getting there. So…

-[Antoni] Time takes time.
-It does.

Time takes time.

It really does. You know?

Speaking of time, I think these are ready.

So, what's going on
at the end of the week?

We're gonna have some friends over
to, like, warm our house,

since we haven't had that quite yet.

So, it'd be nice to maybe
make this this week.

-[Antoni] Think everyone would enjoy this.
-[Angel] Me too.

Definitely missed that. That is…

childhood right there.

[Christina] I'm just really happy
that we got to do this.

-Oh.
-[groans]

-[pop music playing]
-♪ Hey! Na na na na na na na na na ♪[/i]

♪ Na na na na na na na na na, hey… ♪

Looking nice.

♪ Na na na na na na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na na na… ♪

[Karamo] So tell me. How's it been?

-Amazing.
-You look so good, by the way.

-[laughs] Stunning. Like, my God.
-Thank you. Yesterday was nuts.

Awesome.

Well, I wanted to bring you in
and talk to you because,

you know, one of the things
we talked about was support.

You spoke to me very clearly
about you and your father's relationship.

What do you need to feel more confident
when it comes to your family?

Particularly your father?

I think I just need to hear from him
that, like, it's okay for me to be me.

Is it hard to look at me, or is it hard
to wrap his head around what I'm doing?

I think sometimes in our community,
the LGBTQIA community,

a lot of times we feel
the other person has the power.

I don't subscribe
to the word "coming out"

because the act is
actually letting people in.

[Angel] Mm-hmm.

And when you say "coming out,"

you're actually giving the other person
the power to reject or deny you,

and for me, it's like,
"You don't have that power."

You are in power to say,
"I'm inviting you into my life again."

I met up with your dad, and I asked,
"Do you want to speak and meet?"

And he said yes.

Do you feel comfortable in me
calling him and inviting here

for you to have a conversation?

-You do?
-Yeah, I do.

[Karamo] This is a moment for Angel.
It's like,

"Either I'm going to love myself
and you come along that journey,

or I might have to lose you."

That is so hard.

And I just wanna be here
to support her through all of this.

[knock on door]

-[Karamo] Hey.
-[Jose] Hey.

-[Karamo] Good to see you.
-[Jose] You too.

-How are you?
-[Karamo] I'm good.

[both sobbing]

[sobbing continues]

-You been good?
-Mm-hmm. Yeah.

-Nice kicks.
-Thank you.

[all chuckling]

I… I don't know what to say.

-Yeah, I'm… I'm kind of in the same boat.
-[laughs]

It's… It's definitely been a tough year.

-A long year.
-[Jose] Yeah.

-[sniffles]
-[Jose sighs]

What questions, Angel,
do you have that you wanted answered?

[Angel] I just, like…

I just wanted to know, like,
why was it so hard to see me?

Did you expect, like,
a massive difference? Like--

Yes. I did.

My biggest fear…

was seeing you.

That was it. [sniffles]

You know, for 21 years I raised a boy.

You know?
It… It felt like I had failed you.

I truly, truly miss you.

Um, I miss having you in my life.

You know, I would like to know what
actually, um, helped you in the process.

Just because I know
we both need each other in our lives.

It was like I never asked the question.

It's like,
if you never broach the subject,

you don't know what the subject is.

And it was just, like, this underlying
feeling of, like, "Something's different."

As much as I hung out and played football
with those guys and that group of boys,

like, I didn't feel like one of them.

Sure.

When I called myself a she
and when I called myself Angel,

like, all the other doubts
about everything else went away.

It's hard to grasp
when… when your child tells you,

you know, something different
from that envisioning that you had,

you know, for your…
for your child to grow up.

But talking to you now,
you sound like the same kid I raised.

[laughing]

When you try to raise a son,

our culture's always been,
"Our boys are tough,

and men are men" sort of thing.
They grow up to be men, good men.

You know, and that you treat
your… your women as a princess.

That's always been what…
what we were taught, you know?

So, that was always a hard part of--
I just couldn't see you as a her.

-Well, I'm not a damn princess, Dad.
-[laughing]

[Angel] I don't want to be a princess.

Like, I'm still all those qualities
you put out, besides the man part.

Like, that's still me.

Everybody keeps telling me, like,
"You work hard."

"You put your nose to the grinder."

Whenever I coach, like,
I… I think about that.

-And I wanna be like you, still.
-[laughs]

You wanted me to one day say
that you've made me the man I am?

You've made me the woman I am.

Like, I couldn't do any of the things
that I've done so far, like, without you.

And the entire time I was doing it,
I was just… I wanted my dad, you know?

My thought has just been, like,

if he could see the way I smile now
and how happy I am, the glowing, and…

Your mom kept telling me,
"If you could see her, how happy she is."

"You'll be happy."

And at the end of the day,
that's all we want.

-I love you.
-I love you too. I love you too.

[Angel sniffling]

Can I give you another hug? [gasps]

[chuckles]

-[slow-tempo music playing]
-[sobbing]

♪ Sometimes life can hurt you ♪

♪ Don't ever think that you deserve it ♪

♪ 'Cause, my dear, you are perfect ♪

♪ Know that I'm here for you ♪

It's gonna be okay.

[pop music playing]

♪ I feel love, I feel love ♪

♪ Baby, I feel love, I feel love ♪

♪ Baby, I feel love… ♪

[Karamo] I'd love
a genuine surprise right now.

[Angel laughs]

Come on in.

-[Tan and Jonathan] Surprise!
-[laughing]

-Oh, my God.
-Oh, my God!

-Where am I? This is my home?
-[Bobby] Your house.

-[Angel] What?
-Look at this new fireplace.

New custom marble,
I had this mantle custom made.

[Angel laughs] Oh, my God!

-Sorry, I'm just doing 360 after 360--
-[Antoni] Yeah, do it.

-I don't know what to say! [laughs]
-[Jonathan] Yay!

Okay, okay.

I am blown away. [laughs]

These are beautiful.

[Jonathan] Yes, texture.

[Bobby] These are all custom built.
I put another one up here.

'Cause I know y'all love plants.
You ready to see the bedroom now?

[laughs]

-Oh, my God!
-[Karamo] Wow!

-Wow.
-[Bobby] This is an adult lady's bedroom.

-[Antoni laughing]
-[Angel] Is that a gong?

-[laughs]
-This looks completely different.

-[Bobby] Yeah.
-[splutters] Where am I?

-[laughs]
-[Karamo] This is so gorg.

[Angel] I don't have words.

At all. There are no words in my mouth
right now. Except these, apparently.

-[laughing]
-[Angel] Thank you.

[Karamo] Aww!

-[Bobby] I love you.
-That was so sincere.

[Antoni] Before we get
into the housewarming party and all that.

-How do you feel about the recipe?
-I can do it.

-Good.
-I can do it.

-And how do you feel about tonight?
-A little nervous.

Everybody's gonna be tasting food
and seeing this wonderful house now,

so, we'll see.

Thank you for all of this.

-[Antoni] Of course.
-[laughs]

[Tan] I'm so excited
to talk about clothes.

Okay.

You will see that
we have packed this closet.

We've got a bunch of skirts,
a bunch of tops.

Skirts, yes!

I got a bunch of crop tops

because they're the kind of things
I know

that you are already comfortable with.

I want you to play.

I want you to come up
with ways that work for you.

Mix and match.

Yes, so, I just wanna do
what we did at the store.

-I just wanna play with clothes.
-I would love that.

[in Hindi]
Okay, friends, are you ready?

[all in English] Yeah!

Great! Okay, Angel, my love, come on out.

-[Karamo] Oh, wow!
-[Jonathan] Yes!

[Bobby] Some '90s grunge realness,
sexiness.

-'90s grunge? Like, completely my sh*t.
-[Antoni] Really?

It's so sexy and gorgeous.

And that is the croppiest top
I've ever seen in my life.

Finally a crop top, Tanny!

-[Tan] Yeah, there you go.
-[cheering]

I just feel amazing. [laughs]

-[Antoni] That looks awesome.
-[Tan] One more look.

-Yes, girl, yes!
-Wow.

-Hey!
-Oh!

-[Jonathan] Good to see you.
-[laughs] Hi!

-[Karamo] Isn't this place amazing?
-Wow, yeah!

Isn't [/i]your place amazing?

-Hi.
-[Bobby] Hi, baby. Good to see you.

-Okay. Hi, Katia. Hello, my darling.
-[/i][Katia] Hello.

-Are you ready to see your girlfriend?
-I am dying to see my girlfriend.

[Tan] Angel, my love.

-Ah, bitch.
-[Katia laughs]

-Who are you? Oh, my gosh!
-[Karamo] Oh, wow.

-[Bobby] This is cute.
-[Jonathan] Gorgeous!

-[Karamo] This is stunning.
-[Antoni] Whoa!

There you go.

We're two completely
different aesthetics, but that fine.

-That's okay. That's okay.
-[laughing]

-[Fab Five] Aww!
-[Katia laughing]

-[kisses]
-Aww!

-All right, hands off, this is a PG show.
-Back, back, back, back.

-[Antoni] The jewelry and the belt.
-[Tan] The hair, the makeup, the clothes.

-You look incredible.
-[Karamo] You do.

None of you disappoint. [laughs]

I just have to say, wow, wow, wow,
slaying all these looks,

so gorgeous, so stunning.

-Katia, what do you think?
-I'm like, wow. [laughing]

We wanted you to be blown away.

We've worked so hard
to make sure that we do all we can

to make you feel as gorgeous as you are.

We all absolutely adore you.

Thank you all for helping me.

Like, there have been so many,
like, amazing moments,

like this moment right here.

But to look at myself
and, like, feel beautiful,

not just, like, look in the mirror
and say, "Oh, you look good."

Like, no, I feel good, and I feel
like I look beautiful, and I feel sexy.

-Like, that first day did everything.
-Yes, yes, yes, yes!

I will tell you, this week,
to see your growth, um, is exceptional.

And when we get to see
someone in our own community thrive

and recognize how beautiful,
how powerful, how smart they are,

it really feels like a win for all of us.

[Angel chuckles]

I love you, gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous.

Love you so much. Come here.

-Come here
-Thank you so much.

Have fun tonight, take a little moment
in the kitchen to breathe.

-And pause and no stress.
-[laughing]

-Look at her!
-[laughing]

-[Jonathan] Love you.
-[Tan] Bye!

-Oh, my God, be good. Love you so much.
-[laughing]

[pop music playing]

♪ Like a phoenix from the ash
I was born again ♪

♪ Putting my wings to the wind
I'm not weighed down by my past ♪

♪ Rose above it and I love it
I was put here to win ♪

[Fab Five] Eleven, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16…

[Karamo shouts]

[Tan] Eighteen, 19, 20, 21--

-That's it?
-[Antoni] I want gummies.

Yay, well done!
Here, you deserve a treat. Come on.

-Let's get this party started.
-Excuse me.

[Antoni and Tan laughing]

Okay, ready?

-Yep.
-[Bobby] Yeah.

[Tan] Her makeup is so good.

-[Karamo] She looks beautiful.
-[Tan] She does.

I love that she kept
wanting to give us cleave.

-Like, great. Love that.
-I also love to give cleave.

-I know. I've noticed.
-If you haven't noticed. Just a bit--

-Can't take my eyes off it.
-Just a subtle bit of cleave.

-[Angel] You excited?
-[Katia] I am excited.

-I've never had it before.
-[Angel] I used to eat these growing up.

So it's been a while since I've been able
to thoroughly, thoroughly enjoy them.

So, I'm really excited
to actually start enjoying them.

[Tan] So what's she making, Ant?

So lumpias[/i], this is
a traditional Filipino dish

her mom used to prepare
for her when she was growing up.

And they didn't remember
the last time they had it together.

[Katia] Hello.

-Hi.
-[laughing]

-Whoo-hoo! Oh--
-[shouting]

-Yeah!
-Yeah! Spin, spin, spin, spin!

God. You know she has the best legs.

-Look at that back. Do it, do it, yes!
-[laughing]

-Tell me what you deadlift.
-Oh, just 402, baby girl.

-[friend] Nothing, just nothing.
-[laughing]

This is probably the first time
they've seen her outside of gym clothes.

So I feel like
they're really just shocked.

-I love the hair.
-[Angel] Thank you.

Oh, you look so cute.

[Angel] There's lumpia[/i] here.
I would like you all to try it.

-I'm in.
-Yay!

-Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm…
-[Angel] Okay. Go ahead.

Do it. Give us the show.

Give us a little booty shake.
A little bit of booty shake.

[Fab Five] Whoa! Wow!

I love that she's even doing her poses
in those clothes. Good for her.

Just give them, like, a supple
shoulder moment, honey. I love that.

[exhales] Okay.

-[Jose] Hey!
-Hi!

-Oh, my God, you look good.
-[Jose] How are you?

You look great.

Hello, Mommy.

You do look so good.

-Wow. Hi.
-You look-- Oh, my goodness.

You look great. Great.

-[Karamo] Oh, look at the family.
-[Fab Five] Aww!

-[Christina] This is incredible.
-It's fancy.

I like it, though.

Don't wanna leave when you're in here.
It's pretty cool.

[Karamo] Angel not only
has her chosen family,

but she's now reconnected
with her biological family.

Dad, just, like, a real quick thing
I wanted to show you.

You didn't come to my comp,

but this is the first medal
I won as… a girl.

And, like, it's something
that I really, really earned.

It's awesome.

It's awesome. I'm proud of you.

[Angel] Thank you.

I'm sorry I wasn't there.

-[Angel] No, it's okay.
-I'm sorry.

It's okay. We all need a moment. Right?

And, like, we can take steps now, and…

Like, thank you.
Thank you for coming to this.

Yes. You're welcome.

-[laughs]
-[sobs]

-[Fab Five] Aww!
-Looks so sweet.

-[Angel] Hey, Dad.
-[Jose] Hey.

-[Angel] Welcome to my safe place.
-This is awesome. This is awesome.

We are all worthy
of love, respect and safety,

no matter how we present ourselves
to the world and how we identify.

Because everyone really
wants the same things.

They wanna be happy.
They wanna chase their dreams.

They wanna be who they are.

And they wanna do that authentically
and connect with their friends and family.

Three, two, one.

When you know that they have your back,
like, that stuff's important.

[Jose] Attagirl.

-[Angel exhales]
-[Jose] Nice.

-That's new.
-[laughs] Yeah, it is new.

"You don't like being around me?
That's your loss, because I love myself."

Nothing feels better than living
your truth and living your life for you.

Now, don't miss 115
or I'm gonna be real embarrassed.

[Jose laughs]

At different times of the year,
our skin needs different things.

In the winter, I like to use
more of a cream-based moisturizer.

It's a bit heavier.

It really gives your skin
the big drink of water that it needs

from the cold, dry air.

For the summer, I like to switch to a gel.

They're a little bit more lightweight.
It's more readily absorbed.

Yes.

Don't waste that extra moisturizer
on your fingertips. Give it to your lips…

for an extra kiss of moisture.

-♪ Rise up! ♪
-♪ Like I'm marching through the fire ♪

-♪ Rise up! ♪
-♪ As the flame's getting higher ♪

♪ Rise up, now I'm gonna rise up ♪

-♪ Rise up ♪
-[vocalizing][/i]

-♪ Rise up! ♪
-♪ Like a phoenix out the fire ♪

-♪ Rise up! ♪
-♪ Got the strength of a lion ♪

-♪ Rise up, now I'm gonna rise up ♪
-♪ Rise up! ♪

[vocalizing]

♪ Even if you try to take me down
I'm gonna rise up ♪

-♪ Mm-hmm-hmm! ♪
-♪ Rise up! ♪

-♪ I'm gonna rise ♪
-♪ Mm-hmm! ♪

♪ Rise up! ♪

-♪ Oh, I'm gonna rise up ♪
-[/i]♪ Mm-hmm-hmm! ♪

-♪ Rise up! ♪
-♪ Now I'm gonna rise up ♪

♪ Mm-hmm-hmm! ♪

♪ Breathing deep as I get to the peak
Of the mountaintop ♪

♪ Mountaintop ♪

♪ Had a dream I was pulled
By the stars and I couldn't stop ♪[/i]

♪ Couldn't stop ♪[/i]

♪ Thunder and ice looking for life ♪

♪ Pushing through the clouds ♪

♪ Keep up the fight
Climbing new heights, never looking down ♪

♪ I'm gonna rise up! ♪