01x25 - Smells Like Teen Sellout

[bunniefuu]

My time, is now.

My perfume is "Eau Wow".

Complete the circle.

I've never smelled anything like it before.

Okay, where's that director?
Hannah is ready to smell up the place.

Let me smell, let me smell.

Hmm. It's light, it's subtle.

It's water.
-What a rip-off!

Lola, it's just a prop. The real
one will be here any second.

It has been completely under
wraps. Even I haven't smelled it.

Then how do you know if it's any good?

Of course it's good. It's 50 bucks a bottle!

And it completes the circle.

Okay, who are those guys?

I think they're the circle.
[Liza:] -Ahhh!

There's my gorgeous little star!

I'm going to make you look fantastic.

This is your moment.
-What am I, a plate of grits?

Here we go again.

Hannah, darling, I didn't see you there.

When I found out we were
going to work together again,

all I could say was, "Yeeha."

Oh, Liza, you haven't changed a bit.
-Fantastic.

That means the eye-lift is working.

So where's that handsome cowboy daddy of yours?

Liza likey.
[Snarling] Arghh!

-He's in the bathroom.
-Oh!

-In Europe.
-Oh.

So, what do you say, you give
me that little bottle of liquid magic

and we sh**t ourselves a commercial?

Absolutely.

Make-up!

Perfect! I'm ready.

My time, is now.

My perfume is Eau Wow.

Complete the circle.

I've never smelled anything...

[Choking]

Oh, wow!

Cut!

♫

♪ Come on! ♪

♪ You get the limo out front ♪

♪ Hottest styles, every shoe, every color ♪

♪ Yeah, when you're
famous it can be kind of fun ♪

♪ It's really you but no one ever discovers ♪

♪ Who would have thought that a girl like me ♪

♪ Would double as a superstar? ♪

♪ You get the best of both worlds ♪

♪ Chill it out, take it slow ♪

♪ Then you rock out the show ♪

♪ You get the best of both worlds ♪

♪ Mix it all together ♪

♪ And you know that it's
the best of both worlds ♪

[Laughing]

Hannah, darling;

Little advertising tidbit.

When selling a product, gagging and retching,

big turn off.

-Right. That's why you're the director.
-Uh-huh.

-One minute.
-Okay.

Lola, what am I gonna do?
This stuff smells horrible.

Really?

I like it. It smells like raspberries.

Raspberries! That's it.

That's what's been making me sick.

What's wrong with raspberries?

[Man:] Time's up!

Little Miss Miley Stewart is our
new junior pie eating champion!

With five raspberry pies in 10 minutes!

[cheering]

I'm a champion, I'm a
champion, I'm a champion, I won.

[Man: ] And now to present the
award, the Governor of Tennessee.

Uh-oh. I've got a funny,
coming out of my tummy...

[Retching]

That was the last time that
Governor ever presented that award,

or wore that suit.

Now even a whiff of raspberry makes me sick.

Hey, why don't you just use the fake one?

It is only filled with water.

Lola, you're a genius!
-I am, aren't I?

Complete the circle.

I've never smelled anything

like it before.

And cut!

That was great! That was perfect!
-I know, I've done it again.

You and I were brilliant.

And you're still a plate of grits.
-It doesn't matter.

I'm done with this commercial

and I never have to smell that perfume again.

[Sniffs]

You're wearing it, aren't you?

No. Yes. I like it.

It doesn't matter. You can't keep it.
-I won't wear it around you.

Darn right you won't.
-You're not the boss of me!

Hey! Let go.

You don't look so good.
-I've got a funny

coming out of my tummy...

Everybody, clear.

Miley, it's been a half hour.

If that tomato juice was
going to get rid of the smell,

it would've worked by now.

You're right. This is getting ridiculous.

Getting? You passed ridiculous
when you took that bath in tuna fish.

Hey, it said it would work on some stink website.

I should've backed out of
the commercial the minute

I smelled that perfume.

Now I smell worse than Uncle Earl

after he was drilling for
oil and hit that sewage pipe.

Okay, if I haven't said this before,

I don't ever want to meet Uncle Earl.

Uncle Earl's not that bad.

The one you don't wanna meet is Aunt Max.

Talk about your bearded lady.

Anyhow, honey, I found this old
bag of kitty litter out in the garage.

It's supposed to activate when you scratch it.

Might be worth a sh*t.

Dad, it isn't funny.

You didn't see what I went through.

I'm sorry, honey, I was a little busy.

Yeah, hiding from liposuction Liza.

I wasn't hiding. I just got stuck
trying to get out the bathroom window.

I'm sorry, that lady is just plain weird.

[Jackson exclaims]
Yiauh... Ahhh!

She's not the only one. ♪

Dad; I'm about to make you proud.

You're gonna go back upstairs and change?

No, I'm going to make an audition tape.

You're looking at the
next million dollar winner of

"Teen Wilderness Challenge"

I love that show!

Last night the girl from Pittsburgh
had to eat a live millipede.

Yeah; Poor kid had 900 legs down her

before that little critter hung
a left and went out her nostril.

Jackson; You wouldn't last one
day on "Teen Wilderness Challenge"

Oh, yeah? Check it out.

[Fly buzzing]
zzz... zzz ♪

[Exclaims]

[coughs]

[Fly buzzing]
zzz... zzz ♪

I like to throw the little ones back.

It's the way of the hunter.

My name is Jackson Rod Stewart, and I'm your next

Teen Wilderness champion.

You get a lot of audition
tapes with people telling you

what they're going to do, well,

I'm gonna show you.

[Exclaims]
Ahyyy!

I'm gonna survive for the
next two weeks on this beach.

My only tools,

these and this.

And a whole lot of this.

And of course these.

And these too, but that doesn't
really count, 'cause I always use those.

Anyway, I'm gonna be completely
isolated from all of civilization.

Sorry.

Oh, honey, get away from the strange man.

Hey, you can edit that out, right?

Sure. But I don't get it,
you didn't bring any food.

How are you going to survive out here?

Off the land, man! Nature's bounty is abundant.

Hey, now sh**t this. I'm gonna go up that tree

and get some coconuts for dinner.

Hey...

Get in tight on my bear tooth.

It lets them know I'm a warrior.

Hey double O, I got two of them!

[yelling]
Augh!

Are you okay?

Landed right on

the coconuts.

Dad; I need to talk to you about something.

Hang on, bud. I'm watching your brother.

He's been trying to open up a
coconut for over half an hour.

-Oliver...
-I know, edit it out.

I don't know why I pay for
cable when I got a son like him.

So, what's on your mind, bud?

Daddy, is there any way that
you can call the Eau Wow people

and have them stop that
commercial from going on the air?

This thing's really eating at ya, isn't it?

Yeah, that perfume makes me sick.

How can I go tell the world that I love it?

Well, if that's how you feel,
then I'll call the company

and we'll put a stop to this thing right now.

Thanks, Dad. That's a load off.

Now, cheer yourself up.
Take a look at your brother.

Oh!

Wow. That's gotta hurt!

But you're right, it did cheer me up.

[Doorbell rings-♪]

And so does knowing that Hannah
isn't gonna lie to the whole world.

Delivery from Eau Wow perfume.

I hope it's muffins.

I love it when they send those teeny tiny

muffins with those little chocolate chips

in them, and icing on the top_
-Dad.

Just bring it in.

Yeah, I don't think it'll fit through the door.

I was hoping for muffins.

-Oh.
-Wow.

"You wowed us. Hope this
wows you. Your Eau Wow family."

Daddy, it's beautiful!

Yep; Too bad we gotta send it back.

Say what?

Hey, Mile, they're not gonna let us keep
it once you back out of that commercial.

The only thing I'm backing out of is

this driveway in my sweet new ride.

Now hold your horses. I thought you said

you couldn't stand the smell of that perfume.

Right now all I'm smelling is new car and...

Muffins!
-Eee doggies.

Those little chocolate chip ones.

Man, this car handles like a dream.

She really hugs the road.

Just think, one day you'll have your permit

and you can really drive this thing.

I know.

Selling out was the best thing you ever did.

I didn't sell out.
-Oh, please.

You did a commercial saying you loved
something that makes you wanna yack.

Okay, maybe a little.

But everybody exaggerates in commercials.

I mean, do you really think
that football player's mom

follows him around with a can of soup?

Doubt it!

Hey, Mile; Eau Wow people just called.

You still sure about going through with this?

[Car horn honking]

That's car talk for "Oh, yeah, baby!"

Okay, then, congratulations.

Tomorrow night you're going to be telling people

how much you love the sweet smell of Eau Wow on

The Real Deal With Collin Lassiter.

Collin Lassiter?

That's the biggest interview show on TV.

Yup, I know, bud.

Hey, there's still time to
pull the plug if you want to.

And give back our car?

I mean, you do what you feel is right.

I'm just gonna sit here and enjoy
what time I have left with... Maria.

Lilly, don't worry. Our
car is not going anywhere.

You tell Collin I'll be there.

Okay then, I'll go make the call.

I'm so proud of you.

I could never go in front
of the whole world and lie.

When I tell my dad I've finished
my homework when I haven't,

I start giggling like an idiot.

Well, that's the difference between me and you.

I can go on Collin's show
and say that I love Eau Wow.

[Giggles]

What was that?
-Nothing.

I just thought of something funny.

It's not like I was laughing because I was lying.

You did this to me.

After a six-hour hunt,

I finally bagged this beauty,

my first solid food

in six hours

and two minutes.

And now, I will start my own fire

and cook my feast.

Though you gave me a
fierce battle, oh, mighty crab,

in the end,

your primitive little brain
was no match for mine.

Oh, man!

Where'd he go?

Dang flabbit!

Oliver?

Don't worry. It's erased.

But I think you should know at this point,

we only have 27 seconds of usable footage.

Who cares about footage? I'm starving.

Tell me about it.

Remember! We're going through this together.

You and me, side by side,

living on nothing but_

Pizza delivery for Oliver Oken.

Right here, dude.

Oliver, you're brilliant.

Hey, give me a slice.

I can't do that, man.

Come on, I'll give you three puka
shells and these magic fire sticks.

Jackson, get a grip.

You're stronger than this.

Sure, I could give you this
pizza and you could stuff your face

with the pepperoni and the
sausage and the cheesy filled crust.

But you don't want to do that.

-I don't?
-No!

You're a Teen Wilderness Champion.

You've got this.

And a whole lot of this. And all the other stuff.

Sure wish I could be more like you.

But I'm weak.

That's why I'm going to eat this in my tent.

Fine, you go ahead.

I don't need your stinking pizza. I've got...

I've got rock grass!

And seaweed and fresh air
and nature's very own moonlight!

[Woman on TV:] Coming up on Channel 24 Weather,

freak thunderstorms along the coast!

We might even see some hail!

[Thunder rumbling]

I can do this. I can do this.

I'm a Teen Wilderness Champion,

I am a Teen Wilderness Champion.

Got a splinter.

Blood!

The blood of a warrior.

[Grunting]

[Thunder rumbling]

Man, that rain is really coming down out there.

I hope Jackson's okay.

[Whistling]
♪

What in tarnation...

[Jackson howling]
Uuhh!

Thanks. That's good.

Hannah, I just want you to remember this.

Whatever happens out here, I love you.

And I really love that car.
Please don't blow this.

Lola, chillax. I got it all figured out.

All I have to do is not lie.
-Yes.

If I don't lie, then I won't giggle.

For example, ask me what I think of the perfume.

What do you think of the perfume?

It's like nothing I have ever smelled before.

You see? No giggles.

Hey, darling; The more I think about it,

the more I think going on this show's a bad idea.

Daddy, you worry too much.

What if he brings out a bottle of
that perfume and you get a whiff of it?

Thought about it.

I've already got about a
pound of VapoRub in my nose.

Right now I could smell
one of Jackson's dirty socks

and live to tell the tale.

I'll have to remember that next time

I go visit Uncle Earl and he's
cooked up a pot of that three-bean chili.

You sure you're okay?

Trust me, Dad, everything is going to be fine.

What's so funny?
-What's not funny, Dad?

You gotta learn to laugh more.

It's gonna be a breeze.

Howdy, partner!

[Shudders]

Just came by to wish you luck.

Wait up, cowboy!
[Meows]

You had to plant that giggling thing in my head.

Look on the bright side.

You can always cover giggling
by saying something was funny.

I mean, it's not like you're Oliver.

When he lies, he hiccups.

And we're back with pop sensation Hannah Montana.

We've talked about your new
CD and your European tour.

Let's get the real deal on this commercial.

Is that true?

Had you really never
smelled anything like it before?

I can honestly say,

throughout all the perfumes that I've worn,

it is totally unique,

and that's the truth.

So you weren't just acting.
You honestly love this stuff.

Well, I mean, have you
seen the bottle? It's beautiful.

Round with a little point.

Yeah, it's great. But I'm
asking you about what's inside.

Do you like the perfume, yes or no?

Well,

of course the answer has to be...

Yes.

Well, that's good to hear. I'm
glad you're not one of those

celebrities who goes out and pushes
something she doesn't believe in.

That's not me.

[Choking]

Got a little something.

What an adorable laugh you have.
-Glad you like it.

You're gonna be hearing it quite a lot.
-Great.

Artie says our switchboard is
going crazy. So let's take some calls.

Okay.

Caitlin from Michigan.

You're on with Hannah Montana.

[Caitlin:] Hannah, I love you
and I can't wait to smell like you!

Do you wear Eau Wow every day?

Well, not every day.
-Why not?

I don't want to waste it.

[Hiccups]

There was an ant.

You okay?
-Yeah, I'm fine.

Just a little nervous about being on your show.

You're actually much more handsome in person.

[Hiccups]

Isn't she the cutest thing?

Big star like her still gets nervous.

You know, when I get nervous, I sweat...

Like a pig.

Thanks, Collin. Good to know.

All right. Let's take our next caller.

Brianna from Georgia.

[Brianna:] Hannah, I'm such a big
fan. I can't believe I'm talking to you.

I hear your perfume smells like
raspberries. I love raspberries.

Don't you love raspberries?

Well...

I really don't like singling out
any one fruit as my favorite.

It's so unfair to all the other fruits.

But it's in your perfume, so
you gotta like raspberries, right?

Yes or no?

Yes. I mean,

who doesn't like a good raspberry?

Well, Brianna. Thanks for the call.

Read a book, eat your
vegetables, always be polite.

Thanks, Hannah. I do love_
-So, Collin...

How about that hail storm last night?

Hannah, you need a tissue or a bath towel?

No, thanks.

I'm good.

Ha, ha, ha.
[Hiccups]

How ya feeling, bud?

I'm really glad

I told the Eau Wow people that
I couldn't endorse their perfume.

The truth is always the best thing.

Even though sometimes it hurts.

It really, really hurts.

I'm going to miss her so much.

I'll never forget you, Maria.

Lilly, calm down, it's really
not that great of a car anyway.

[Giggles]

I'm gonna miss you, too, Maria.

It's okay. We'll survive.

Hey, speaking of surviving,
anybody heard from your brother?

I just got a call from that Teen
Wilderness Challenge show.

He's been turned down.

-How do you think he's gonna take it?
-Ahh...ahhh.ahhhh... ah!

[Jackson howling]

[Crashing]

Not so good.