02x10 - Leo vs. Evil

[bunniefuu]

Chase,

there's no way
you can b*at Adam arm-wrestling.

It'd be like a chicken
wrestling an alligator.

All we hear
is a cock-a-doodle-crunch.

He's right, bro.

Your spaghetti arms are no
match for these meatballs.

Mwah. Mwah. Mwah.

Mwah. Mwah.
Hey...

When you're done kissing your
girlfriends, let's do his.

Better back up, Leo.
You're in the splatter zone.

Okay, I want a clean match.

No whining, screaming,
crying, or tap-outs.

I'm looking at you, chase.

Three, two, one, go!

[ Slurps ]
Ugh!

Hey! No fair!
He licked his hand!

Exactly. Clever
beats strong any day.

Chase wins.

Wait, which hand did you lick?
That one.

Mmm.

Chase wins.

Hey guys,
how's it going?

Ooh, bundle up, everyone.

It just got partly creepy with a
hundred percent chance of annoying.

Oof. Am I gonna
need my umbrella for that?

So, you guys wanna hang out
at my house after school?

We just got a sick
new flat screen.

Is it as sick as you make me?
'Cause that'd be pretty sick.

We'd love to hang out today.

Chase is too polite to say it,
so I'll say it for him.

You're a lunatic,
and we're leaving.

[ Groans ]
Leo!

Leo, come on. Leo, I was
not gonna say that at all.

Yeah, and we're walking.
Go. Go on. Go. Out.

Nice try. See you later,
captain eyebrow.

What the...?

How did you...?

Chase isn't the only one who
can move things with his mind.

Help! Somebody!
I'm trapped!

Principal Perry?!

Who am I kidding?
She's not here.

It's five-cent-rib night
at the buffalo barn.

Looks like it's just
you and me, Leo.

Man, it is fun
to mess with you

when you can't
tell anyone I'm bionic.

Yeah, it's a real party
over here, too.

I should just turn you in.

Go ahead. Then I'll just expose
Adam, Bree, and chase as bionics,

and the government will swoop
in and take them away.

Not if I turn you in first.

[ Yells ]

You are gonna
keep your mouth shut.

Or next time...

I won't miss.

Voice log,
Monday, 3:23 P.M.

Gathering evidence
on subject Marcus.

And I will not give up
until I prove once and for all

that...
[ Musical ringtone plays ]

Hello?

Oh, hey mom.
Yeah... can I call you back?

Thanks. All right.
I love you, too.

Bye.

That Marcus is evil
and always has been!

Male narrator: The world's
first bionic superhumans.

They're stronger than us,

faster,

smarter.

The next generation
of the human race is...

Living in my basement?!

♪♪

Behold the invention
that will revolutionize travel:

The Davenport industries

teleporter!

Don't you mean
the "tele-Davenport-er"?

Oh, come on. I wanna be the
clever one around here for once.

Yeah. And I want a convertible
made out of diamonds.

But that's not
gonna happen, either.

[ Altering voice ]
I can't wait any longer.

Please tell us
about your amazing invention.

[ Normal voice ]
Don't mind if I do.

My teleporter can transport
an object anywhere.

It deconstructs it
molecule by molecule here,

and then, via my network
of GPS satellites,

reconstructs it anywhere
on the planet, instantaneously.

So... wait...

Does this mean that we
could go surfing in Hawaii

after school and still be home
in time for dinner?

[ Stammers ]

Technically, yes.

Uh, but I haven't tested it
on a human yet.

So there is a small chance
that only our forehead

and parts of your esophagus would
make it back in time for dinner.

All I'm hearing
is more meatloaf for daddy.

That's why I wanna test it
on an inanimate object first.

So I'll be right back.

Whoa, this thing could put me
anywhere on earth

in a nanosecond.

Faster than you,
Bree! Ha!

Whatever. You'll still
be ugly when you get there.

Adam: Ooh.

Uh, super-speed, party of one.
Your table is dumb.

Oh, come on!
That was clever.

[ Beeping ]

Hey. Meatballs.
You just turned it on.

Back off so I can
shut it down.

[ Grunts ]
Step aside. I got this.

Uh... you got nothing.
Move over.

I think you
have to spin this thing.

Hey, guys,
I'm going to the market.

Anybody need anything?

Ooh! Cereal!

Well, that was rude.

What? You just...?

Y-you spun that thing
so fast, Adam,

that we've got no clue
where Tasha got teleported to.

She has to be
in there somewhere.

She couldn't have gone far, right?
Oh, guys, calm down!

Where could she have gone? There's
a simple solution to this.

Does anyone
know what it is?

Wh... if what I
think just happened,

we are gonna
be in so much trouble.

Guys, I think we
just vaporized Tasha.

But I didn't even
get to say "good-bye."

Oh, well. Whoo-hoo!
[ Laughing ]

[ Dance music plays ]

Whoo!

Shake your Booty!

Yes, dad.
Everything is under control.

Yes, I took out the trash.

Yes, I set the dvr
to record funeral mishaps.

Suspect is still on the phone
with a man called...

"Daddy."

Also, note to self,
record funeral mishaps.

[ Beeping ]

[ High-pitched ]
Suspect has a morphing wall!

I mean...
[ Clears throat ]

[ Deep voice ]
Suspect has a morphing wall.

How could you drool-buckets have
lost Tasha in the teleporter?

Us? You were the one getting
grabby with the controls.

[ Scoffs ] And Adam was the
one who spun the globe,

so we have no idea where Tasha is.
Me?!

Oh, wait. Yep, that was me.
[ Chuckles ]

We need to tell Davenport.

Oh, oh, tell him what?

"Sorry... we messed with your
machine and lost your wife"?

No! Let me give him
the good news.

Leo is gonna freak.

Not if he doesn't
know Tasha's gone.

We'll get chase a wig
and a skirt.

This could work, people.

[ Whispering ]
Stop it.

Hey, guys.
[ All yell ]

Uh, hey.
Mr. Davenport...

Quick question. Um...

You've tested
the teleporter's ability

to return something, right?

[ Laughs ]
Not yet.

But we're about to.
Okay.

I'm gonna set the teleporter

for ten feet away.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.
[ Chuckles ]

Okay. Get ready,
'cause this is gonna

be teleport-ific!

What? They can't
all be winners.

Have you ever
had a winner?

[ Laughs ]

Wow! A scientific
breakthrough!

Have you ever
seen anything this amazing

in all your life?!

Neat. Yep. Hooray.

Get on with it.
Oh.

All right. Now...
We bring it back.

Whoopsie.
[ Laughs ]

I guess I have a few bugs
to work out

on the "return" function.

But... you know...

Least I didn't
throw a human in there.

That would've been stupid.
[ Laughs ]

This is awful.
I know.

I loved that chair. I did some
of my best sitting in it.

How are we gonna
bring Tasha back here safely?

Ooh! I have an idea.

Adam, this is a complex
situation.

We'll call you if we need you
to lift anything heavy.

Even if we locate Tasha,

we need to bring her
back here safely

without turning her into..

That.

I see no downside.

Dad, it is gonna be so epic when
I capture Adam, Bree, and chase.

Fine. When we capture them.

Just like when we
forgot my birthday.

Oh, I'm sorry.
Are you angry?

Or are we angry?

What is this place?

[ Beep ] I'm in some sort
of weird underground lair

beneath Marcus's house.

It's incredibly grim

and smells like
sewer water and...

Sweaty dudes.

What the...?

Aha!

Photographic evidence that
Marcus knows about your bionics

and wants to capture you.

[ Clicking ]

Bam. Evil lair.

Bam. Marcus's capsule.

Bam. Marcus.

Marcus?!

You shouldn't have
come here, Leo.

I couldn't agree more.
Where's the exit?

Oh, no. You are not
going anywhere.

You've seen too much.

What do you want
with Adam, Bree, and chase?

You won't
be around to find out.

Say hello to our remote-controlled
home-security system.

[ Beeps ]

Well that looks effective.

What's it scanning for?
Dust bunnies?

[ Beeps ]

How big are your
dust bunnies?!

This is useless.

We need to tell Mr. Davenport
that Tasha is gone.

No! I can fix this.

I just uploaded
a software update.

Hey...

Nobody told me
we were racing fruit.

I'm getting my kiwis.
Get ready, boys.

It's showtime.

Stop. We're not
racing fruit.

No one races fruit!

We're testing
my teleporter fix,

which is now good to go.

Well, if it's "good to go,"
why not just test it on Tasha?

Because... in the highly unlikely
event that it doesn't work,

I don't want Tasha
coming back here

with her head on her hip
and her leg in her mouth.

Really? Not even
just to see it?

[ Beeping ]

And now I'll
hit "return to origin."

[ Beeping ]

Voila.

[ Squeals ]

Is "voila" French for "fail,"

or am I not understanding
this complex situation?

[ Leo screaming ]

You're quicker
than I thought.

Good thing I added this.

[ Beeps ]

[ Screaming ]

Oh! Okay!

[ Screaming ]

Aha. I have a w*apon,
now, too.

That's a stapler.

So it is.

Just kidding.
It's a ray g*n.

Dang it!

[ Laser zapping ]

[ Screaming ]

I can't believe this.

I thought for sure
my software update would work!

Hmm. Does that
look like it worked?

I know these handlebars.

Did you just try to teleport

my one-of-a-kind,
prototype,

hybrid a.T.V.?

No.
[ Stammers ]

Maybe?

Mmm!

I'm just gonna go back
to "no."

Mmm!

Wow. If he's this mad
about his a.T.V.,

wait until he finds out
we put Tasha through there.

What?!

You put my wife
through the teleporter?!

Enjoy it, dude.
Take a day off.

Aah!

I'm sure she's fine...

Wherever...

Or whatever she is.

Yeah! We just have
to figure out a way

to get her back here
without turning her into...

Tasha tartare.

[ Breathlessly ]
Okay, okay.

Let's not panic.

I'm sure one of my
software patches can fix this.

I've already tried them all.
None of them worked.

[ Shrieks ]

[ Gasping ]

You know,
I had a simple solution.

Simple solution.

Um, Adam...

You remember the time when we
locked the keys in the car,

and it took us three hours
to get them out?

Yeah.

You were inside the car!

[ Muttering, whimpering ]

Aah!

Game over, Leo.

You're no match for my robot's
awesome physical strength.

Well... yeah.

I am no match
for his strength.

But just remember,

you didn't b*at me.

This thing did.

Please.
I could pulverize you.

[ Chuckles ]
Yeah.

I'd like to see you try.

Not smart, Leo.

The robot would've
been quick and painless

compared to what
I'm gonna do to you.

Okay, tough guy.

But if I win,
you have to let me go. Deal?

[ Scoffs ]
Yeah.

Deal.

[ Beeping ]

[ Grunts ]

Let's shake on it.

[ Slurps ]
Ew!

Why would you do that?

Because I'm clever, and
clever beats strong any day.

[ Beeping ]

But clever would really like to take a
look at this thing's owner's manual.

[ Beeping ]

Oh, man!

That was my dad's
favorite toy!

There goes pizza night.

This is all
your fault, Leo!

[ Yells ]

Okay, this is our last
possible fix.

If this doesn't work...
I don't even wanna say it.

Say it. Say it.

Okay, fingers crossed.

This brings Tasha back

in three... two...

Why isn't it working?!

Because I'm right here.

Ew, she's
hideously deformed!

Look away! Look away!

[ Imitates buzzer ]

Oh, don't hug her too hard. Her
guts might come squishing out.

What happened?
Where were you?



Thankfully, Adam was smart
enough to call my cell phone

and tell me you guys
accidentally teleplanted me.

Well, it's... it's...
It's "teleported."

Tele-someone-who-cares.

I'm just glad he called me
before my cell phone d*ed...

Since, obviously, no one else
thought of that.

I figured if Tasha didn't
return through the teleporter,

she couldn't end up back here
in a big, steaming pile of mom.

So, I called. Told her
to take the bus home.

Which I did.
And it was weird.

The guy sitting next to me
was wearing a t*nk top.

Why was that weird?

Just a t*nk top.

Told you I had
a simple solution.

Adam...

We may have
said some things earlier...

Duh. We say things every day.
Could you narrow it down?

What he's trying to say

is, "we owe you an apology."

I'm sorry. A what?

An apology.

So I guess I'll
start off by saying...

That I... am...

I'm back!

Oh, thank you!

Right here, on my phone,

I have undeniable proof
that Marcus is...

Where'd my phone just go?

Honolulu.

[ Chuckles ]
But we can bring it back...

Right here.
[ Beeping ]

[ Screaming ]
No!

[ Leo whimpering ]
But it had evidence.

Yeah. Bus was a good call.

You guys don't understand.

This barbeque
had a touch pad in it.

[ Chuckles ]
Leo...

Are sure you weren't at the a.T.M.
Outside the chicken shack?

Don't you take that "Leo's got a
wild imagination" tone with me.

The touch pad controlled
that dissolving wall.

Oh, right.

And then all the little elves
came out and did a moon dance

around the bonfire.

I'm telling the truth.

I believe you, Leo.

I also believe that we,
as a family,

are going to get you the help
you so desperately need.

You guys don't understand!

Marcus and his father
have a secret lair!

Okay, guys, are we
roasting weenies or not?!

Come on, guys.
Let's go.

Don't leave.
I'm telling the truth!

Okay, I know.
I messed up.

But I can fix this.
No.

You let him get too close!

It's time I take matters
into my own hands.

I hope they enjoy their
night together.

It's gonna be their last.

[ Chuckling ]

♪♪

[ Boing ]

Boy: Yes!