03x07 - Teen Idol/Good Old Sheldon

[bunniefuu]

[Jenny]
♪ 5:00, get a call
to go blading ♪

♪ at the skate park
down by the mall, ♪

♪ but my mom says ♪

♪ I gotta prevent
hostile aliens ♪

♪ from annihilating us all. ♪

Hyah!

♪ With the strength
of a million and 70 men, ♪

♪ I guess I really
shouldn't complain. ♪

♪ Still, I wish I could
go for a walk ♪

♪ without rusting
in the rain. ♪

♪ It's enough
to fry my brain. ♪

♪ So welcome to my life
as a teenage robot, ♪

♪ the story of my life
as a teenage robot. ♪

♪ My teenage robot life. ♪

Let go of me,
you insignificant little bot.

How can I destroy the Earth
from another galaxy?

[Jenny]
Exactly.

The only thing
being destroyed today is you.

[yelling and cheering]

Happy Comet Day,
everybody.

[all]
Comet, comet, comet.

Behold the great mother comet,

heralding the day
of greater greatness

yet to come.

Praise be to comet.

[rumbling]

whoosh!

[expl*si*n]

It's not a rock.

What is it?

I think it's alive.

Then could it be?

The living golden comet
the prophecy has predicted?

The Exalted One
has finally arrived.

[all cheering]

As prophecy has predicted,

the Comet Goddess has appeared
from the sky.

Now listen up
while the Exalted One speaks.

Um...hi.

[all]
Hi.

Uh, I think
that you're mistaking me

for somebody else.

I'm not your Exalted One.

I'm just a robot
from Earth.

And I'm late for dinner.

So if you'll excuse me...

[cheering]

Comet Girl! Comet Girl!

Comet Girl! Comet Girl!

It was so strange.

They put me on a throne,

and there was all this yelling
and dancing.

[whirring]

This is kind of weird.

Kind of?

What should I do?

Milk it for as long
as you can.

Make way.
The Exalted One approacheth.

♪ ♪

Heh. Look at all
the Johnny-come-lately newcomer,

hop-on-the-bandwagon wannabes.

I started the Hail to Jenny
Fan Club last year.

And I've got the yearbook
to prove it.

[snaps]

Oil.

[slurping]

Okay.

Let's take it down a notch,
fellas.

Stand back
so I can open the door.

No, I get
to open it.

[all clamoring]

[sighs]

[all sigh]

Hey, you guys think
you could do me a favor?

Oh, yeah, easy.
Anything, yeah.

I need you to find me
a grain of sand.

[all talking]

Uh-uh.

It needs to look exactly
like Abraham Lincoln.

[all]
Yes, O Exalted One.

Two, four, six, eight.

Tremerton's in second place.

Yay!

What happened
to your cheerleaders?

I ditched them.

They mean well,
but man, they bug.

They won't be back
for a long time.

[alien]
I found one!

I found a grain
of Lincoln sand.

I found two.

I found lots
of Lincoln sand.

So did we.

Us too.

I thought you said
you ditched these guys.

[whistle blows]

Interference.

Sand on the court.

[all talking and yelling]

Ms. XJ9, could you kindly

get these sand-spewing
space cadets out of here!

Okay, look.

You guys can't just--

You need more bowing?
No, I--

Are we not worthy?
No, I just--

Have we dishonored you?
No, it's just--

Statue transport, quick!

I understand
what you're going through, Jen.

It's like my situation,

except instead
of another species,

I'm adored
by another gender.

Hey, baby.

It's just too much.

So say something to them.

But they're so nice.

They mean well, and
they're doing it all for me.

Whatever.

All I know is, you can't
let people walk all over you,

even if they're walking
under you.

How about you and me
paint this town red?

Or blue?

You like green?

Call me.

Look, I really appreciate
all you've done.

But it's late, and I think

we should just stop
all the bowing

and call it a night.

Good night.

Good night,
Exalted One.

[coughing]

[whispering loudly]
I don't think
she heard me.

She's still asleep.

No, wait, her eyes
are open.

Looking out the window.

I think
she may see me.

[cheering]

Come on, you guys.

Can't you find something
more constructive to do?

Find something constructive
to do.

The goddess has spoken.

Sheldon?

If you can't b*at 'em,
join 'em.

[humming]

[horns honking
and people yelling]

[man]
There she is.

Get her!

What have you done?

This is nothing.

Come on.

What is this thing?

It's a tribute to you,
the Exalted One.

I don't want
your tribute!

I don't want
any of this!

[all crying]

We've put all our little
alien hearts into this.

It's our last
and greatest tribute

to the Comet Goddess.

This is really
your last tribute?

Yes, we swear.

All that's left
is the dedication ceremony.

[cheering]

Is all this fuss
really necessary?

And now we bow down
in reverence

for the solemn invocation.

Zabba zing, rubba ha-ha.

Yip-yip-yip-yip-yip.

Ribba-bah.

pfft!

♪ Ooh. ♪

[off-key]
♪ Ooh. ♪

Ugh!

What the?

Wasn't that fantastic?

I didn't know.

I don't even like
comets.

Aah!

Nobody's sacrificing me
for some comet.

Sacrifice?

What are you talking about,
Exalted One?

This is our tribute
to you.

We have put your planet's sun
in motion,

creating the greatest comet
in the universe.

Are you insane?

How could you do this?

You do not like it?

We thought
you would like it.

Well, I don't.

I hate it, and I want it
stopped right now.

Sure, if you want it stopped,
wave your hand and stop it.

After all,
you're the Comet Goddess.

I'm not the Comet Goddess!

I don't have magical powers!

Oh, well, then put on
your sunglasses.

The forecast
calls for sun.

Where's the reverse button
on this thing?

[laughter]

Why would we need
a reverse button?

Wait a minute.

If it can pull the sun
one way,

it can pull it
back the other.

♪ Ooh. ♪

[whirring]

So you obey
my every command?

Here's my command.

Get back on your spaceship!

Jenny.

I know I told you not
to let people walk all over you,

but throwing an entire
alien race into the sun?

That's just mean.

Not into the sun.

Just near it.

I put them into an elliptical
orbit around the sun.

I made them
into a comet.

We're in an elliptical orbit
around the sun?

We're a comet.

[all]
Hooray!

So they won't be back
for a long time, huh?

Nope, nobody is going
to bow down to me for 75 years.

Except for Sheldon.

Yeah.
Hey, where is Sheldon?

Help!

And that, Tuck,

is where babies come from.

That's my understanding
of it anyway.

[wind blowing]

Brr, that's an ill wind
a-blowing.

Seems more like foreshadowing
to me.

No, that's an omen
for sure.

[all gasp]

Jenny!

[yells]

[coughing]

[wheezing]

You ruined my life.

Who are you, and what
are you talking about?

I'm your old pal, Sheldon.

Crazy old person.

Move away slowly.

I'm Sheldon, I tell you.

I just got me a few wrinkles
since you abandoned me--



That's crazy talk,
Pops.

We just saw Sheldon
yesterday.

Yeah, hanging out with those
freaky Jenny-worshiping aliens.

Those awful aliens.

I remember it
like it was yesterday.

It was yesterday,
you old--

Hush, boy.

I'm telling a story.

When Jenny hurled those aliens
into outer space,

I was on board.

Help!

I tried to get them
to turn around.

But there was a bit
of a communication gap.

Catching a ride back
was impossible.

I had to find work
to survive.

I couldn't keep up
as a mechanic,

couldn't master
beauty salon work,

and couldn't stomach
the fast food industry.

How is it that one day
has passed for us,

but 75 years
have gone by for you?

Hello, theory of relativity,
anyone?

[sighs]

As one approaches
the speed of light,

time decelerates
along with gravitational forces,

thus observers who are moving
relative to one another

will get different measurements
of the time that passes

between two events.

Oh, you young punks never
did pay attention in school.

School.
We're going to be late.

I wish I could help, mister.

But we gotta go.

[bell rings]

Hey, robot girl.

I was out sick.

You want to know
what we covered in class?

No, the gossip,
what'd I miss?

Oh, yeah, listen to this.

pfft!

What was that?

Not me.

What's the matter, Jen?

Not using unleaded
anymore?

What are you doing here?

Got to turn in
my homework.

Been saving this baby
for 75 years.

Something's different
about you.

Did you get
colored contacts?

Got my teeth whitened.

[Jenny]
Hey.

Just 'cause you think
you're Sheldon

doesn't mean you can go breaking
into his--

locker.

Oh, dear.

I'd blush, but my blood flow
ain't what it used to be.

[students cheering]

Stop! Stop!

You kids are doing it
all wrong.

Basic physics tell us

that mass
times inertia--

Nail the geezer!

[Jenny]
Hey, mister.

Are you okay?

Sweet humiliation.

Just like old times.

What?

Sheldon or not,
he had it coming.

Oh, dang.

I ain't felt this poorly

since you de-atomized
my medulla oblongata.

Only Sheldon and I
knew about that.

Okay, mister,

if you're
really Sheldon, prove it.

Your flaky
superhero friend.

Who is the Silver Shell?

Embarrassing thing
in your closet.

What is a Jenny shrine?

Made you run and scream
like a little girl.

What are action Jenny dolls?

Still got one, actually.

You'd never betray me like
the really Jenny, would you?

smooch!

Ugh.

Sheldon.

Sheldon!

It's really you.

Whoa, old man smell.

I'm so sorry.

I didn't know.

I'll fix this somehow.

We'll take you
back into space

and--

No!

What's wrong?

What happened to you
out there?

[Sheldon]
After 35 years,

I'd finally earned enough money
for a transport back home.

Then disaster struck.

crash!

Space pirates.

[all yelling]

Now make those scallywags
walk the plank.

[laughing]

Well, what have we here?

Someone in quite a pickle?

[laughing]

This one has spunk,
he does.

Don't we be needing
a new cabin boy?

[straining and yelling]

[coughs]

Aye, that we do.

Set sail!

[Sheldon]
We sailed the stars
in search of glory

but never for very long
under the same captain.

crunch!

bonk!

[expl*si*n]

Eventually I became captain.

Me, a pirate king.

The rush of power
was exhilarating.

And I got caught up
in the madness.

[laughing]

To the planet
of comic books.

[all]
Huzzah!

[all yelling]

I hope they have the new issue
ofSuper Bunny.

[pirates yelling]

That's right, rake it in,
me boys.

Rake it in.

Now back to the ship
for cards and dice.

[cheering]

[Sheldon]
My reign as captain
was a happy time.

But I still longed for
the familiar stars of home.

And so one night,
when my crew was fast asleep,

I abandoned them,

because I knew
something was missing.

Revenge.

Wait a minute.

In that flashback,
you're 50, 55 tops.

What gives?

Okay, so it took a little while
to find my way back.

This galaxy isn't exactly
conveniently located, you know.

Well, look, I know
this great little wormhole

that's not too far
from Earth.

It can warp distances
and light.

So it can probably
reverse aging too.

Weren't you listening?

I can't go back into space.

Pirate law clearly states

that if a captain
abandons his ship,

the crew can
shiver his timbers.

Come on, Sheldon,
you said it yourself.

The universe
is a big place.

Those pirates
will never find you.

Wait.

I'm not sure
this is such a good---

XJ9, what are you doing?

Are you fooling around
in that wormhole again?

Uh...

[distorted]
No.

How many times have I told you

not to play with
the space-time continuum?

I'm not playing, Mom.

I'm trying to help Sheldon.

[warbling sounds]

What?

XJ9, stop.

If anything, that wormhole
will make Sheldon age faster.

[gasps]

[screeching]

Isn't there anything
we can do, Mom?

I'm sorry, XJ9.

Sheldon is stuck,

doomed, his life cut short.

Nothing can save him.

Except this:

a machine to reverse
the aging process.

Well, isn't that
convenient?

Isn't it, though?

I've used it on occasion

to keep myself
young and vibrant,

but I've never lopped off
more than a year or two--

or five.

Ah, I feel like a spry


Hubba-hubba.

I never noticed that sparkle
in your bifocals before, Nora.

Ooh, Sheldon,
that's my mom.

It takes an enormous amount
of energy

to make even a small change.

So it will take

an incalculable amount
to fix Sheldon.

I'm willing to try
if Sheldon it.

I say let's do it.

And if it doesn't work,

I got me
a pretty nurse

to take care of me
in my golden years.

[Wakeman]
This suit
converts kinetic energy

into electric power.

Every move you make will help
make Sheldon a little younger.

[warbling]

Hey, gorgeous.

Maybe we should forget
this whole plan

and concentrate
on you and me.

[kissing noises]

Well, what are you
waiting for?

Get a move on.

Faster, XJ9,

faster.

It's working.

Pay close attention, XJ9.

You must stop at precisely
the right moment.

crash!

They have the captain!

The space pirates.

[all yelling]

XJ9, wait.

Stop, XJ9, stop.

XJ9!

Yo ho ho, me hearties.

[screaming]

[laughing]

How's Sheldon?

I don't know.

Your fight moves
created a lot of energy.

Oh, no, Sheldon.

XJ9, stop.

Sheldon, are you--

[Wakeman]
Jenny, freeze,

before you turn him
into a zygote.

What are we going to do
now?

[all]
Aw, what a cute baby.

So is everything okay
with Sheldon?

Sheldon should be
just fine.

[Sheldon]
Jenny!

How dare you let those pirates
take me?

Who leaves a baby
with space pirates

for 15 years?

It was the only way to get you
back to the correct age.

Now everything
is back to normal.

Normal?

I've just spend 90 years
of my life

in outer space,

and you call that normal?

I will never forgive you.

Oh, Sheldon, you haven't lost
your sense of humor.

[sniffs]

At least you've lost
that old man smell.

Look, everybody.

Sheldon's back.

[cheering]

No doubt about it.

This time, he definitely
had it coming.