have a taste of my hot plasma and dye
alien scum
fear not i shall read the universe of
this vile force and obtain your habit
and pod as my cross scandaly clad vixen
i promise you that i shall triumph in
the end
hey beautiful how about you and the dog
switching places
man my ass hurts damn dog your mistake
was that you didn't have a pup of your
own get a cute foofy one and all the
babes will flock to you hey alex you
want to meet chicks maybe you should
listen to fruity and get a little
puffball hey even i'm not that desperate
heads up incoming mormon i hear they got
it made you know what the wives and all
hey there folks what's shakin
uh
nothing just hanging out
well you know that's cool man that's
cool man
who is this guy
dark nice clipboard why thank you i'm
stefan and i'm a phd candidate at the
university here
i'm dr hikesters t.a
and i was just wondering if you guys
want to take a test as a general rule no
yeah but this one's for science for
mankind's benefit
and it pays a hundred bucks
i'm down me too i'm sorry we only need
healthy males between the ages of 18 and
24.
look no further
what about you bro
uh
i don't know what kind of test is it
it's for the psych department but i'm
afraid i can't divulge any details why
don't you just do it alex pays like 10
times which make it that dead-end copy
job dead-end desktop publishing job
chaka
i could use it then there's the
screaming j record
fine all right that's cool man
let me just get your names here it'll be
fun
what the hell is that i don't know
that's kind of freaky it's like liquid
snot i don't know this guy he was kind
of weird but he offered us 100 bucks to
take a test and so did this friendly
stranger also offer you candy and a ride
in his big shiny car was there any
mention of nambla you know jen there was
something strange about him but he kept
saying that's cool man like it meant
something it's probably the secret code
for i've got three more suckers to sign
up for my dangerous experiment you know
the one they wire up say something about
testing your brain waves then zap your
teeth crispy then they'll toss you into
the sensory overload chamber centrifuge
your ass and then
it's time for some experimental surgery
or maybe they'll just knock you out and
steal your liver i'm safe they won't be
wanting mine i know what they're after
and it makes sense that they're only
looking for young studs yeah man they're
after my man flutes they're gonna
synthesize them and make a pill to
restore sex power to old guys you know
what i'm saying and we'll all get the
nobel prize for inventing frutagra the
most potent mickey drug around
you be like a 2x4 2x4 huh are those your
measurements
then to think all this time i've
been throwing my man fluids around for
free oh no thank you
a troll pencil are you gonna start
carrying a hello kitty backpack too i'm
not about to leave anything for the
brain police no fingerprints no dna now
that's thinking that's stealing i'm just
breaking it in for jeff you know the
girl could be right this entire setup is
real suspicious
i told you these cameras are kind of
creepy definitely this could turn out to
be some kind of mind control experiment
yeah
maybe it's a plot and who's behind
probably some combination of fbi the mob
freemasons
and bald little pig pigmen oh yeah
they're the front line they break down
your will remember your personality
oh you think you can hold out the tiny
bastards know where you live
they isolate you and discombobulate you
then they really go to work
goat man if you're so freaked out why
not leave man do you have any idea how
much p*rn 100 bucks can buy actually
yes
we're growing the thought police a
little big these days at least ain't no
pig woman huh you guys here for the test
if there's no electrodes involved yeah
electrodes ah
that explains the screaming
i'm joking
just sit down dr heikster will be right
with you
did you see that she looked at me funny
aren't you used to that reaction by now
newsweek i need the sports illustrated
swimsuit issue if they expect me to do
my business
i assy
even better you really think they'll ask
us to take off our pants i wish but i'm
wearing 2d underwear what are you so
worried about i mean besides the
underwear thing and the possibility of
permanent brain damage
you will observe this beautiful specimen
of the condition i've described i've
never seen one so perfect and complete a
note the characteristic slump per the
clenched buttocks the shrinking testes
and these are the signs of an individual
who is afraid of life itself
happily since this specimen is too
nervous to speak to a female its chances
of breeding are slender to nil now if
you will i shall splay the subject and
reveal the absolute absence of any guts
whatsoever
wait a minute i used to take tests
because i had to
i don't have to do this
i'm getting out of here
too late make bold with the man fluids
partners
ah you're here at last come on in
let's see
charles wagon my friends call me chuck
okay chuck
and you are goat fruity
now boys you'll have to use your real
names
next step one world government
no questions
okay when you're done just hand your
booklet over to me and you may leave
quietly
are we all set yeah yeah yeah let's do
it then everyone pick up your pencils
no dna yeah yeah that's cool man
that's cool man open your test booklets
and begin
now
i still have both my kidneys i think
this is starting to be a good day
man i was all ready for some kelly
lebrock weird science section but i
didn't get to fill any bottles with my
this and that you know what it was a
trick to get us all on file but i
outsmarted them i got everything wrong
on purpose excuse me test number 37b
white male
me
yes you mr wagon
can i see you for a moment
oh i told you there was more to this
thing they check in but they don't check
out if he goes disappearing i get first
dibs on his sailor moon videos by all
means
can't we just go to the bank these
places are much safer anonymous no way
those bastards gonna force me to leave a
paper trail that's why i don't have a
credit card and i stay the hell away
from blockbuster maybe our boy's on to
something like how they wouldn't give us
a check until we fest up our real names
what are your real names no way honcho
you know i got this book that teaches
you how to become invisible i think
you're taking this a little too so now
where do you think those pictures go
into the central computer that's where
and look at the number at the bottom of
this check
god's sakes it's got 12 digits they got
everything they need to do what to
control you man those bastards are quick
that's more than i can say for you
move it
i'll need to see some id negatory you
enemy puppet of the state
maybe the bartender sullivan's will
catch it for me see ya
i'd make sure those bills aren't marked
so alex what happened when the test lady
called you back she wanted more
information information is power alex oh
nothing she just wanted to say some
stuff about the test
um sort of
about the test
about um
messing up i i filled in some of the
diatron man i have been worried about
messing up on a test since i was eight
i took this spelling test i remember i i
really study for it too but the teacher
hit me with this word i never heard
before
ballast i don't even know what it means
to this date
ballast
b
a
l
b
a
l
b
a
l l
s
the teacher thought she'd give me
another chance
try again
household
household
let me think b a l l s
household
the point is if you don't try you can't
fail you are so full of balance
bite me
b-i-t-m-e
i thought it would be harder than that
and the questions were pretty dopey
about prime numbers great expectations
stuff like that
anyway it was supposed to test how much
of our education we'd forgotten
i did pretty well on it you forgot
everything no mecca i mean i got all the
answers right that's why the doctor
wanted to know why i wasn't doing
anything with my life good question mr
national merit scholar
yeah teachers are always like but chaka
your brother was so smart what's wrong
with you you did get into that school
for engineering geeks of stay where
they're like five girls in the whole
base in the winter last like six months
i i only went there because of the
scholarship mom and dad said try it out
for a while i made it through what like
two years
god i wouldn't be in a b*llet in two
months
then when professor kivowitz asked me
what i wanted to focus on i find my own
research into the coal slurry fuels an
endless delight so what do you plan to
specialize in fluid dynamics
solid gel processing which area of
engineering greases your gears
um
none of them
what
i mean i don't really like engineering
it's kind of dull dull
well
and
step aside there's someone out there who
deserves this scholarship more than you
do
someone with a sincere
passion for polymers and love
then you move back home we got that
crappy job temporary crappy job wasn't
that like four years ago
of course the uh mk ultra g*ng was
definitely wise to the mj12 deal so
remember encryption is the future yeah
whatever so how should i spend my why
video game fly sneakers nah something to
get the chicks don't look back just come
on let go of my arm you're acting on the
locker we're being followed don't turn
around
oh yeah i see him bunch of government
ninjas just waiting to kick your
paranoid ass you gotta get a grip you're
gripping a beer man this thing's
freaking me out you do that i got some
disposable income to be disposed of
answering one of those anything goes
personals nah i'm thinking of applying
for a job at big copy the uh big one
over on astor place they need an
assistant manager ooh maybe they'll make
you supervisor of stapling can't you be
encouraging for once i don't think this
is such a good idea new responsibilities
might interfere with the development of
your superpowers very funny oh wait i
know you can use your superpowers to
bring the duplication business into the
new millennium
should i go with the manila or the wheat
stone tablet they're both nice
but the wheat stone says a hundred
percent
class
excuse me my replicant cat's name is
missing how's anyone gonna know this is
my pet if rent tarp isn't on it i just
recombinated what you gave me sir
this is useless
now you must die
go for it alex the future of 21st
century copying depends on you
i have a sh*t of bourbon
rocks
yeah that's cool man
hey you were
you're the guard what's your twisted
story but when you say that's cool man
am i supposed to turn into a zombie
the mirror who's behind it i'm on to you
i'm on to you all
jen i have to do something now or i'll
be a sniveling underling forever
i'm gonna get you that job the big copy
alex i am so behind you but here's the
thing if you're gonna conquer the world
of collating
i think you gotta have one of these
should i go with the manila or the wheat
stone paper
they're both nice
but the wheat stone says 100
class
excuse me my cat's name is missing how's
anyone gonna know this is my pet the
name nevis isn't on it i just printed
what you gave me sir these are useless
now give me a refund okay okay
look who's all dressed up got a hot date
no it's just a tie you know
maybe everyone should wear one
make the place look more efficient
get some gals and ties and short skirts
and we got a real hello little
schoolgirl look going on you know where
i'm coming from
yeah but i wish i didn't
hey alex check out my fat shades man
only a hundred dollars i'm gonna pull a
fine chickie with my new air of mystery
yeah i love those man i have a pair just
like him you do
man they're looking fugly all of a
sudden where'd i put the damn receipt
anyway how's goat doing i don't know
last time i saw him he was running from
the black helicopters i mean i thought
he stopped tripping on hallucinogenic
dr*gs in the 80s i don't want to be
around when he decides to drill a hole
in his skull to let the demons out
damn cameras everywhere
hey here's something for your digital
imagers in washington where you're gonna
need one hell of a big lens
the travel agent said new york was safe
these days
and i'm very pleased to meet you
to meet you sir
uh hey alex you gone retro lounge or
something no i got a job interview oh i
thought maybe you were jumping on a cool
trend like five years too late which
would be quicker than usual for you it's
the assistant manager job that big copy
ooh sounds exciting catch me when i
faint
uh you're the one who said i had a dead
end job or you do er
but alex you're supposed to act young
and crazy and grow your oats or whatever
before you go all responsible shut up i
see i see
i've got a date with your sister
hey how cute and maybe that explained
why i never set her up with me not that
i would have checked missy
god your boss is such a tool all bosses
are like that
but you wouldn't know you've never had a
boss
you've never had a job so yeah and
people think you're the smart one
you know if you smoke less and jog more
this wouldn't happen to you if it didn't
jump at all
this wouldn't happen
marie the rest of you
you think you can change goat make go
fit the mold
well i won't roll over i won't play your
little dog i'm gonna fight you and your
tiny bull seed oh yeah
you gotta make the world nice for for
rollerblading and lacrosse huh gotta
k*ll off old goat because goat don't fit
in with with your big fake hair and you
mean your nasty ass big teeth and your
friggin little nasty snappy lips huh huh
everyone's gonna join the club no bad
habits allowed your corecast world well
i'll never surrender because if you have
your way the whole world
will turn into one great big
toronto
alex is it uh yes nice tie buddy thanks
um
nice shoes oh yeah well these are my ass
kicking shoes for a kick-ass company you
don't mind the word ass do you not at
all i've even been known to say it
myself every now and then well as long
as you don't plan to sit on it we just
might be in business come on up to my
office
scott huh
how do you know my real name
this is it isn't it the big man coming
you haven't changed a bit
what the hell are you talking about do
you remember me bernice from high school
um
i thought i recognized you at the lab so
i followed you around when you got all
paranoid i knew it was you you've been
going on about the brain police since
ninth grade you look different yeah well
i tried to fit in back then dweeb
dragged i even wore nail polish but i
realized this is the real me a great big
tattooed freak all right the pigment
didn't get you either
huh
yeah sure i guess not
i see you went to a fine college
and the hands-on experience is pretty
impressive as well
what we're looking for at big compy is
someone who's got the human touch knows
what it takes to keep this corporate
family happy and i've got a second sense
about you
you'll get to know your employees
dreams
what makes them tick listen to their
problems like a kind father or best
friend it's the quickest way to find out
who's got their hand in the tail or
who's gonna put it there
and if they know you're wanting they
respect you
of course there are always a few
troublemakers
the hidden cameras are there to help you
catch the sly ones
and then there's our random year
analysis policy
you're the type who understands it's a
productivity issue not a privacy issue
you want your privacy stay home that's
what i say i also say
welcome aboard
when can you start
whoa
someone is not exactly wearing the sweet
smell of success
well i'm glad i only look you the tie
you're sweating like a pig yeah well i
have to get back to repro man and i'm
late hey cheer up 20 30 years from now
you know when i finally get the guts to
crawl out of here and go for an
interview you know i'm sure i'll blow it
too so oh no i got the job but i turned
it down it's one thing to work for a
jerk but those guys wanted me to be the
jerk that everyone works for i mean look
isn't knowing who you don't want to be
sort of the same as finding out who you
are
kinda um i'll say yes and that way we
can both pretend we've got some kind of
a life lesson thing going here how's
that works for me
okay oh thanks
if i had taken that job i would have had
to hang myself with it
oh and if you see goat tell him he was
right about the cameras will do pigmen
everywhere
i have no idea what the hell you're
talking about
which color says classically trained
actress to you
well they're both lovely colors
yo check me out alex i'm gonna get all
the fine chicks now
hmm
01x09 - Testing
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American animated series and sitcom on MTV on urban life, based on interviews with real people.
American animated series and sitcom on MTV on urban life, based on interviews with real people.