[Music]
[Music]
[Music]
hey hot babies you also make sure no
thanks you sure I got a hot ride
hey Mr Punk keep away from my daughter
She has herpes
duh of the genitalia
I was handling it I am sorry deutschka I
did not mean to tell all the boys
foreign
[Music]
you are dressing very sharp this morning
yeah I want to look good it is take your
daughter to work day ah what is this in
a miracle school is closed today so and
you may go to work with me where do
teachers take Daughters to Work
you see this is why you will do well in
America you have only been here short
time and already you'll find loophole
what you do today yeah today I watch TV
to learn better English then I go and
sell my sperms sell them all yoshka your
illegal immigrant sperm banks don't want
you no sperm bank no but nice man on
Hollywood Boulevard say he didn't ten
dollars ten dollars for sperms I love
this country yeah when I return
we must talk
come daughters it is time you accompany
me to work
not you why not because you are my son I
won't tell if you don't okay Rashid if
you wish to be a woman then come I will
take you now to get the operation that's
okay it's not worth losing that just to
get out of school I'll go change
[Music]
hey man can I have a sip no I don't want
to get herpes I don't have herpes that's
not what your daddy say man come is make
your daughter do work day let's take
your daughter to work day and I work at
the restaurant every day save it for
this honor your eldest day
[Music]
ready to go to work with your papa fine
are you to all to hold your Papa's hand
aren't you scared to get herpes
now Anya remember if you have questions
today about my work no matter how small
do not be afraid to ask I am book that
is open
how much do you make yeah yeah this is
not polite question you just said I can
ask any question I wanted how often you
kiss boys
some questions not polite to ask
[Music]
oh
[Music]
hey Flacco hate you back hey Vlad the
Amigo was hanging allow me to introduce
my daughter but yeah you remember Vlog
though
dude I live next door of course I know I
am practicing my skill of introduction
okay boys let us get to work
what do we do now we wait for what
say I I need someone to do back breaking
manual labor for next and no pay
for this
[Music]
it's mine I know no I mean it's really
mine I made it you mean I collected it
in barrels over the course of a year
you're telling me that I just spent an
hour shuffling your yeah I've been
eating lots of pork good for the Roses
here there's five dollars for you
foreign
ite
[Applause]
hermaphrodite
yeah America sure loves the
hermaphrodites so I do too
[Music]
Mr Spitz Jackson
it is yoshika right right that's what I
said what is up rumor has that you
wasting your day watching the old Telly
yeah no I do not waste I study TV so my
English will be better and I can become
big American Tycoon yes who live in that
crib with six car garage and bird bath
filled with root beers mind if I join
you I left my TV in the store oh you do
not work today huh I am working I'm a
Blues Man Blues Man oh you are a
musician I come see you yeah there you
play yeah well see that's the thing
these club Owners they just don't know
Talent so you know until they die I'm
just on a holding pattern collecting sad
experiences
yeah that she is I had it once I have to
tell you that story you know I've had
sex with a thousand women
[Music]
there all finished yeah good work here's
40 bucks wait a minute you said 100.
well maybe I don't think illegal aliens
are worth a hundred bucks
score Delta new cheat rules
that is not fair oh yeah what are you
gonna do call a cop yeah
Papa don't get into a fight they're not
worth it I must do this
whoa that's the Dean's car he's visiting
next door we were gonna pay somebody to
do that we just saved another 40 bucks
[Laughter]
hey Jackyl you know what's a great way
to learn English a lot easier meester's
bleeds ordering one of them
pay-per-views off the cable box yeah
good idea you're a genius and handsome
some days just don't get blue oh well
you want me to carry this piano on those
steps
by myself yes please why you did not
hire two guys if you don't want the job
I do it I can do it I have done it
before
careful it's made of gold it tense
easily
[Music]
I love this country
oh oh hello Anya how was your day with
your father horrible be comrade that is
not a vidanya she is embarrassed by her
father embarrassed
she see you make sloppy pass that
largely blessed woman near store
dressing room yet she over here you wish
to be with Sheila Warrior goddess like
we always talk yet then I am drawing
blank letters you wear me out oh hello
German splits get out of my apartment I
was not aware you would be returning so
soon allow me to retrieve my slacks from
your kitchenette no
[Music]
laughs
let's go Gladys come on
I do not understand Anya is ashamed of
you for working from in front of garden
and pool Warehouse yet she knows in
advance you work from in front of there
yeah she has never seen kind of jobs I
have to take but I need is a real job a
job she can respect
you should get job making sausage yeah
hot damn you make good sausage I did not
make yoshika those are frozen you did
not cook them cook sausage you Russians
have nothing but time uh what's going on
I make a breakfast what but I always
make breakfast today I treat you for
change look I make favorite clean
chicken
I'm not hungry I've got to get ready for
school
[Music]
it's me
[Music]
Well you certainly take the prize I
think nothing is truth I saw him take
nothing you are an illegal immigrant
you've no social security number no
papers please I am hard worker oh you're
a hard work oh well why didn't you say
so I have an opening for a hard-working
software engineer a hard-working doctor
oh here's an opening for a hard-working
person with a master degree in forensic
medicine hey take them I was joking
oh he's a good joke yeah yeah
he's like knock knock joke but without
the knock knock
couldn't give it to you okay okay give
job to me then I can give to him yeah
please I have many skills in Moscow I
fix tanks duh also I speak I speak
foreign language I can't help you you're
in this country illegally in fact I can
have you arrested just for being here do
not arrest me I did not take prize
foreign
you're a member of the Union I used to
be which one Soviet Union
I don't need a stand-up comedian I need
a long shoreman listen being a
longshoreman requires a lot of heavy
lifting the Year too small and weak for
the job anyway
good morning Charlie
you guys are ready to put in A Hard
Day's Work yeah right
[Applause]
yeah yeah
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
I am looking for a job that do you need
a vehicle no I will work hard I will be
cheap I mean wipe down table fall
what no it's enough for you now I don't
even have to feed her
cheating
I know it's hard to get a job when
you're illegal reaching to the choir
here amigo I do not understand in Russia
we have same if work is hard higher
Russian yeah in Hungary we have same
saying if work is hard hire Russian Anya
my devotee Alpha's school fine you learn
something now no Anya I make big picture
of red drink mix for you he's in ice box
please don't do anything for me
it must be nice having father-daughter
talks like that
but pretty ladies like to help yoshika
plant trees in Forest perhaps they are
not the only things that will grow big
yeah
oh parts of n*gro I have answered to job
problems
I was about to spread my seeds all over
the place yeah I have been trying to
figure out what would be good job then
it comes to me I will be massage
therapist
in Russia I fix tanks now work with
hands
massage therapist work with hands is
perfect
dreaming yeah we will hire you as
massage therapist now leave me alone
leave my friends with Lana says you know
a place called Madame loose she says
they have job opening I must go to sleep
now rest my hands yeah go go
hello I'm asleep again ladies are you
still there I still have seeds and I'm
growing still
my name is
[Music]
I wish for a successful career as
massage therapist
you cop
yet I am a Russian t*nk repairman
you're very ecstatic
you hired
everyone here get paid by commission sit
down and wait for customer to pick you
[Music]
exotic Chinese
beautiful black girl
the rotund Russian ballerina you pick
anyone but her
laughs
oh welcome to loose you want massage
um yes
ah I'll take him
okay let me show you where I have
tension
[Music]
so the whole massage job didn't work out
for you huh [ __ ] is less time I take job
tip from Russian prost*tute
blood is love I had
I had America
opportunity
the job then maybe you can get great job
oh just got a plan yeah still sh**ting
for a good job and sh**t straight for a
great one ah
that's boy Genius his first try yeah
[Music]
you see I believe in America everything
is possible men who have nothing can
overnight make tens of thousands of
millions this is land of Underdog yeah
is land of little man getting lucky and
rising to top his land wherever
itself I
said hey some dudes trying to talk here
oh sorry
if you want to go this route I know a
guy who knows a guy who knows me who
knows a guy who can probably help here
you have a very impressive resume I'm
flattered that you would apply to work
at our little stock brokerage Mr Falafel
puttanesca
uh-huh uh Dartmouth Princeton what then
Dartmouth again
I do not know how to erase some
typewriter yeah look at that and this is
interesting also your social security
number is only two digits long it was my
grandfather's and he gave it to me yeah
his grandfather was right near front of
line excuse me but I've been meaning to
ask who are you
I am Mr putanesca's chauffeur yeah yeah
and may I add that he is a big
hermaphrodite
chauffeur huh tell me uh what kind of
car do you drive
what kind of car you drive I drive a
blue Global verb I drive Global five too
and see if I'm green ha trick question
it only comes in blue blue I meant blue
blue and I made it up there's no such
thing as a global Farm I made it up too
we have same car my friend only
different color
[Applause]
[Music]
the stock Brokers can hit you
so what you do now what can I do I go
back to hanging out in front of garden
and Tool warehouse now he's not so bad
yeah why do you not come with me
tomorrow it's not so bad for Russians as
hungarians no I hold out for better job
yeah
oh my gosh
[Music]
surprise Papa what is this for it was
the only way I could think of to thank
you I do not understand until I spent
that day with you I didn't realize how
hard you had to work to support me but I
thought you weren't ashamed of your papa
are you crazy I was ashamed of myself
for not being grateful enough and then
you wouldn't even let me make breakfast
I want to cry and not just because I'm
in great physical pain that you'll know
I'll do anything for you and this
country I love you and I love America
[Music]
come to the kitchen I made your favorite
dinner stuffed pumpkin with pickled
herring borsche you can have some too
yoshka
not cold not cold of course it's not
cold Russian bushes start heated you
heat the burst
you Russians have nothing but time yeah
oh
I love this song
oh
[Music]
laughs
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
foreign
[Music]
that's more like it
yeah
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
what's up
[Music]
thank you
[Music]
what is going on
01x04 - Vladislav's Quest
Watch/Buy Amazon
Jóska, a Hungarian immigrant in Los Angeles, shares an apartment with Vladislav, a Russian immigrant.
Originally a TV series but never aired, in 2008 it was combined and turned into a movie.
Jóska, a Hungarian immigrant in Los Angeles, shares an apartment with Vladislav, a Russian immigrant.
Originally a TV series but never aired, in 2008 it was combined and turned into a movie.