01x03 - The King's Beard

[bunniefuu]

♪♪ ♪ Skiddly ahh bop bow,

Get upple on a wubble,

Buzz into a bubble,

Wubble on the double,

And take your face

To a wubbulous place,

Scuttle on a shuttle,

Waddle in a puddle ♪

♪♪ Ow!

♪♪ ♪ Through the middle

Of the muddle,

And dance your feet down

To wubbulous street,

Flip, float, flop, and drop,

Bottoms up down to the top,

Insides, outsides,

Here and gone,

When you get to the end,

You go on and on ♪

♪♪ Ooh!

♪♪ Yeah!

♪♪ Ha ha ha ha ha!

♪♪ Ew!

♪♪ ♪ Scuttle on a shuttle,

Waddle in a puddle,

Through the middle

Of the muddle,

And dance your feet down

To wubbulous street ♪

♪♪ Hello.

♪♪ ♪ Get upple on a wubble,

Buzz into a bubble ♪

♪♪ Yeah!

♪♪ Tighten up, get loose.

♪♪ ♪ In the wubbulous world,

In the wubbulous world

Of dr. Seuss ♪

♪♪ Yeah.

♪♪ Hello there. How are you?

How do ya do? Have I got a tale!

Ah! Ahem. And it's all just for

You. And speaking of tails--

[Grunts] which I know I just

Was--[grunts] my tail really

Goes on.

Yes, it does!

[Grunts] here we go...[Grunts]

You know, where it might end is

A mystery to me. [Grunts]

So here's a new tale--

[Grunts] from cats "a"--

[Grunts] "b"--[grunts]

And "c." [Meows]

♪♪ ♪ In the land of king lindy,

Long hair was the thing

♪♪ And whoever's was longest

Became queen or king

♪♪ With a fold-dee-rol-roldy

For the queen or the king,

And a hey-nonny-nonny-nonny

♪♪ And a ring

Ding-a-ding-ding! ♪

[Gasps]

[Trumpets]

♪♪ And here he is to entertain

King lindy of lime,

Elwood the jester! Right here!

Elwood the jester! Right here! [Playing folk music]

[Playing folk music]

♪♪ ♪ Let it flow like a river

To the next town,

Tie it up in a knot,

Be it peasant or wearer

Of the royal crown,

Show me what you got!

Hair, hair, hair, hair,

Our grandest treasure,

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

Hair, hair, hair, hair,

Our finest pleasure,

Joy beyond compare,

Hair, hair, hair, hair.

Whoo-hoo!

Be it curly or straighter

Than a hat pin,

On your head, chin, or cheek,

Comb the kingdom of lime

And let the fun begin,

Give your pal a peek!

♪♪ Hair, hair, hair, hair

♪♪ Our grandest treasure

♪♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

♪♪ Hair, hair, hair, hair,

Our finest pleasure

♪♪ Joy beyond compare,

Hair, hair, hair, hair!

♪♪ What springs forth from

Each follicle?

What brings forth all

That's jollicle?

♪♪ Hair, hair, hair, hair,

Our grandest treasure,

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

Hair, hair, hair, hair

♪♪ Our finest pleasure

♪♪ Joy beyond compare,

Hair, hair, hair, hair

♪♪ Hair, hair, hair, hair! ♪

[Laughter]

[Trumpet plays]

♪♪ Cease these festivities!

I have an urgent message for

The king!

♪♪ The king? Why, that's me!

[Laughs] I wonder if it's good

News.

[Whispering]

♪♪ No!

♪♪ Yes.

♪♪ Ohh! Oh, oh! My loyal

Subjects, my trusted advisor

Yertle has just told me of

An outrageous claim that has

Just been made by a rival king.

Oh, my goodness. I didn't even

Know I had a rival. Hmm.

Oh, uh, anyway, uh, this fellow,

Uh, uh...

♪♪ King noogle.

♪♪ Oh, yes. [Laughs] of course.

King noogle,of the far-off land

Of, um--um---

♪♪ Not "ummmm," your majesty.

"Nug!"

♪♪ Oh, yes. That's what I meant

To say. [Laughs] this noogle of

Nug claims, oh--he actually

Claims that--oh! I can't bring

Myself to say it! [Weeping]

♪♪ Allow me, your majesty.

♪♪ Oh!

♪♪ Your majesty, citizens,

Prepare yourselves now for

The worst of all possible slurs.

My liege, I am told that this

Monarch of nug claims that his

Beard is longer than yours!

♪♪ No!

♪♪ Yes!

♪♪ Ohhh.

♪♪ A braggart is noogle,

A liar is he!

His beard? Longer?

Fiddle dee dee!

♪♪ Fiddle dee dee,

And a horn section, too!

Your majesty,

I'm as offended as you!

♪♪ My friends, my friends,

My friends! Before we decide to

Go to w*r with this evil noogle

Of nug, I urge caution.

Let me tell you a little bit

About this blasphemous ogre.

[Music playing]

♪♪ ♪ He's decidedly mean

And despicably icky,

Deplorably horrid

And thoroughly yicky,

He's horrible, hideous,

Morbid and mean,

The lowest thing

Anyone's ever seen

♪♪ He's as low as a bug!

♪♪ Bad as a weasel!

♪♪ Worse than a slug!

♪♪ Or a slizzy sleazle!

♪♪ His eyeballs are scheming

And gleaming and glowing,

His hideous horns are

Forbiddingly growing

From a forehead quite low

And impressively damp

As you'll note from this

Nuggian -penny stamp!

[All gasp]

♪♪ Well,speaking on behalf of

Everyone present--

[Screams]

[All screaming]

[Indistinct whispering]

♪♪ Hmm? No!

♪♪ Yes!

♪♪ By jingo, that's a sterling

Idea! Citizens of lime, this

Noogle of nug must be put in his

Place!

♪♪ Yes.

♪♪ The time has come to measure

The royal beard.

[All talking at once]

♪♪ Your majesty, you need

Someone young and healthy and

Clever and brave to perform this

Important mission.

♪♪ Indeed.

♪♪ And with the nimble-witted

Shrewdness only a jester could

Possess.

♪♪ Where in the kingdom could

I find such a person?

♪♪ I volunteer.

[Crowd gasps]

♪♪ You, elwood, my trusted

Jester?

♪♪ It would mean even more to me

Than keeping your majesty

Amused.

♪♪ Elwood would be a fitting

Choice, your majesty.

Who better to send on a fool's

Errand than a fool?

♪♪ Elwood, I can't allow you to

Go on this important mission

Unassisted. I allow you the use

Of the royal barbering

Barbarians!

♪♪ Uh, here they are folks,

Direct from your beard,

The wickershams!

[Cheering and applause]

♪♪ They'll be especially helpful

For grooming those

Hard-to-reach, far-off,

Uncharted regions.

♪♪ We will do our best, your

Majesty.

♪♪ Hip, hip...

♪♪ Hooray!

♪♪ Hip, hip...

♪♪ Hooray!

♪♪ Hip, hip...

♪♪ Hooray!

♪♪ Hooray! [Crowd talks indistinctly]

[Crowd talks indistinctly]

♪♪ ♪ With wickershams in tow,

Elwood left to go

On a trek to who-knows-where,

Over hill and over dale,

Measuring a trail

♪♪ Made of royal facial hair ♪

♪♪ Made of royal facial hair ♪ ow!

Ow!

♪♪ Ooh.

[Grunting]

[Whispering]

♪♪ [Gasps] ooh!

[All grunting]

♪♪ Ahh.

[All cooing]

♪♪ Now what are you guys up to?

[Wickershams cooing]

♪♪ Give me that thing! What is

This, anyhow? "The hair creme

That works wonders, and does it

Like a dream.

The instant-action,

High-intensity, super-curling

Cream, super-doo-goo."

♪♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Super-doo-goo...

♪♪ Come on, wickershams. Let us

Not be diverted by silliness.

We've got an important job to

Do!

♪♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh...

♪♪ Psst. Psst.

♪♪ Hmm?

♪♪ Goo-ooh. Goo!

[All grunting and laughing]

♪♪ Ooh! Fabulous!

[Humming]

♪♪ Super-doo-goo,

Ooh ooh ooh...

♪♪ No! Hey! Hey! What's going on

Here? Hey, what's this? Hey!

I didn't make an appointment or

Nothin'! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Nothin'! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! ♪♪ Super-doo-goo! Ooh, ooh!

♪♪ Super-doo-goo! Ooh, ooh!

♪♪ Super-doo-goo! Ooh, ooh! ♪♪ The beard goes in there.

♪♪ The beard goes in there.

The beard goes into this room,

But it doesn't go out.

Looks like we have found the end

To king lindy's beard.

[Vocalizing]

♪♪ Wait, there's someone else in

The room!

♪♪ Ah. Well. Ahh! Time to

Serenade my favorite fish

Norval--uh, with your kind

Permission, of course.

♪♪ Consider me your c*ptive

Audience.

♪♪ I always do.

[Playing]

♪♪ Ready?

[Scatting]

♪♪ Father? Father?

Father? Are you busy, father?

♪♪ Ah, it's my beautiful

Daughter mindy. You know, I was

Just crooning to norval. Will

You please join us?

♪♪ Sure!

♪♪ Sure! [Scatting]

[Scatting]

Whee!

♪♪ Yertle sure must have some

Lousy spies. King noogle's not

An ogre at all.

♪♪ ♪ I'm the nabob of noogle

[Indistinct]

♪♪ And he sure has a beautiful

Daughter! Whoa! Whoa! Ugh!

♪♪ Why, my heavens! What do we

Have here?

♪♪ I'm elwood the jester, your

Majesty, with important news.

I've been following the beard of

King lindy of lime, and it ends

On your face.

♪♪ But, uh--ooh, daughter.

♪♪ Hello.

♪♪ [Gasps] hello.

♪♪ Would you say that again?

♪♪ [Gasps] hello.

♪♪ No, no, no, no, no. The other

Part.

♪♪ Oh, oh, oh, well, uh,

The wickershams and I were

Authorized by good king lindy of

Lime to measure his very long

Beard. And the strangest thing

Happened. When we followed his

Beard all the way to the end...

♪♪ Yes?

♪♪ We found you!

[Laughter]

♪♪ Well, that's a doozie, kid!

♪♪ Oh, yes! My, you must be

An awfully fine jester to come

Up with such a wonderful story.

♪♪ Actually, your highness--

♪♪ Oh, please, please, call me

Mindy.

♪♪ Actually, mindy, I've gained

A fair reputation as a nimble

Wit.

♪♪ Really?

♪♪ And as a dancing fool.

♪♪ Really!

♪♪ And a master spy!

♪♪ And a master spy!

♪♪ And a what?!

♪♪ Well, no, I'm not! I'm a--

♪♪ He's a spy!

♪♪ What?

[Whispering]

♪♪ But yertle! You know me!

♪♪ Yes!

♪♪ Ohh!

♪♪ I'm no spy! I was just

Following--

♪♪ Just following orders?

♪♪ I have just been informed by

My trusted advisor that

A hideous ogre, king lindy of

Lime, has sent you to destroy me

And my kingdom.

♪♪ But father, father, are you

Sure?

♪♪ Quiet, mindy. He knows what

I'm--he's doing!

♪♪ Silence, daughter. Do not

Take me for a dunce. They are

Spies, and I have spoken.

Guard, lock them up at once!

♪♪ Come on.

♪♪ Come on. [Gibbering and laughing]

[Gibbering and laughing]

♪♪ Oh, hi. Remember me,

The cat with the tail?

Well, it's getting so long,

It's becoming a jail.

Oh, and speaking of jails,

In the story we're hearing,

Elwood's been told that

Imprisonment's nearing.

Well, he's got his problems,

And I've got mine,

But at this tail's end,

I hope all turns out fine.

[Laughs]

♪♪ Yertle, how can you be

King noogle's trusted advisor

When you're king lindy's trusted

Advisor? Why did you lie and

Call me a spy?

♪♪ Once again, you make me

Laugh, court jester. [Laughs]

You were just a fool sent on

A fool's mission.

♪♪ But I was sent to measure

The king's royal beard.

♪♪ That's only what you thought

You were doing. You were

Actually part of my master plan.

♪♪ Master plan?

♪♪ Yes. As the kingdoms become

Embroiled in chaos, I shall

Acquire the most important

Symbol of power of all--

The royal beard.

♪♪ How?

♪♪ The beard will be yanked from

Both chins. Then I will wear it

And rule both kingdoms!

♪♪ Ouch! You, I say, you can't

Be serious.

♪♪ If I weren't serious, would I

Have commissioned one of these?!

But the larger-than-life-size

Royal portrait will look mighty

Nice in one of my throne rooms.

♪♪ I can't believe I'm hearing

This.

♪♪ Believe what you will. But in

A matter of moments, I will be

Whispering words of w*r into

King lindy's ear.

♪♪ Moments? But it took me days

To get here. Many days.

♪♪ Unlike you, court jester, I

Have a top secret transportation

Device.

Device. [Laughing]

[Laughing]

Aha! My secret transportation

Device room.

[Grunts]

[Grunts]

North by northwest

At degrees,

It's up, up, and away

With the greatest of ease!

[Laughs]

♪ My master plan's air-tight,

I'm sailing on my way,

Those silly fools with hair

Might not have a happy day

[Chuckles]

When I am ruler of the world,

King of all I see,

The one and only me

♪♪ Aah

♪♪ When my mighty flag's

Unfurled,

All in every land

Will wait for my command

As ruler of the world

[Snickering]

High in my royal tower,

I'll issue each decree,

My voice will overpower

Those who disagree

[Chuckles]

When I am ruler of the world,

King of all I see,

The one and only me

♪♪ Aah

♪♪ When my mighty flag's

Unfurled,

All in every land

Will wait for my command ♪

[Screaming]

[Crashes]

♪♪ Perhaps if I simply sit here

And do nothing, all my problems

Will just disappear. [Giggles]

Well, that's one plan.

[Whispering]

♪♪ No!

♪♪ Yes!

♪♪ [Gasps] ahem! I've just been

Informed that king noogle of nug

Has stolen the other end of

The royal beard.

♪♪ No!

♪♪ Yes.

♪♪ Ohh!

♪♪ The situation befalling our

Nation has grown even worse than

Before.

Though I hate to say it,

I now must declare--

Oh, must i, yertle?

♪♪ I'm afraid you must, your

♪♪ I'm afraid you must, your majesty.

Majesty.

Ahh.

♪♪ Though I hate to say it,

I now must declare

A state of tug-of-w*r!

♪♪ Tug-of-w*r?

[All talking at once]

♪♪ My army, my subjects, my

Volunteers, if we all pull

Together, we'll win. Come gather

'Round me and, by my beard,

Let the tug-of-w*r begin.

♪♪ We're right behind you, sire.

♪♪ [Snickers] got to fly!

[Crowd talking at once]

[Vocalizing]

[Crashes]

[Sighs]

[Whispering]

♪♪ Oh, must i?

♪♪ Yes, your majesty, I'm afraid

You must.

♪♪ I must.

♪♪ We want the king!

We want the king!

We want the king! [Cheers]

♪♪ My army, my goldfish, my

Volunteers.

♪♪ Yay!

If we all pull together, we'll

Win.

[Cheering]

♪♪ Come, gather around me and,

By my beard, let the tug-of-w*r

Begin.

[Crowd gasps]

[Screams and grunts]

[Crashing]

♪♪ Where's my people?

[All talking at once]

[Grunting]

[Screaming]

♪♪ I wish that mindy was here.

♪♪ Elwood, elwood, are you

There?

♪♪ Princess mindy, is that you?

♪♪ Oh, elwood, I just wanted you

To know that I believe you.

♪♪ You do?

♪♪ Yes, I do. And that was even

Before yertle started this

Terrible tug-of-w*r that's

Destroying our kingdom.

[Grunting]

[Indistinct shouting]

♪♪ We've got to do something!

But first, I've got to figure

Out how to get out of here!

♪♪ Super-doo-goo,

Ooh ooh ooh!

Super-doo-goo!

♪♪ Your friends seem to be

Taking this situation very

Gracefully.

♪♪ Super-doo-goo,

Ooh ooh ooh!

♪♪ That's it! That's how we'll

Get out of here!

♪♪ Super-doo-goo,

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Super-doo-goo,

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Super-doo-goo!

♪♪ Hooray!

♪♪ How clever!

♪♪ We'll be out of here in no

Time, now.

♪♪ Oh, elwood! And then, I'll

Sneak you past the guards, if--

If, um, if only your friends

Could curb their enthusiasm just

A tad.

♪♪ Shh.

♪♪ Uh, sorry.

♪♪ Aw, mindy, you are so

Wonderful, risking yourself like

This.

♪♪ Oh, well, elwood, perhaps

I was inspired by you.

♪♪ Well, uh, I think I've

Learned one thing from all of

This.

♪♪ Yes, elwood?

♪♪ We should never believe those

Who try to speak ill of others.

♪♪ Yes. Yes, well, uh, I also

Have learned something.

♪♪ Aah.

♪♪ Uh, yes?

♪♪ Never trust a bald-headed

Turtle.

♪♪ Huh?

[All grunting and shouting]

♪♪ Put your back into it!

♪♪ If only your father and

King lindy could meet, they'd

Call off this tug-of-w*r.

♪♪ Yes, elwood? But how can we

Ever get them together?

♪♪ It is a puzzle, all right.

♪♪ Yes, it is a puzzle.

A puzzle. And, uh--and, um,

Every puzzle needs...

A solution!

♪♪ Super-doo goo,

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

♪♪ I couldn't agree more, mindy.

A solution is exactly what we

Need!

♪♪ Uhh, yes, elwood.

An instant-acting,

High-intensity, super-strong

Solution.

♪♪ Of course! Come on, mindy!

Come on, wickershams! Let us go!

♪♪ Let us go!

♪♪ Ooh ooh!

[Indistinct shouting and

Grunting]

♪♪ Super-doo-goo!

[Grunting]

♪♪ One more time!

[Indistinct shouting]

♪♪ Super-doo-goo!

[All talking and grunting at

Once]

♪♪ Super-doo-goo,

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Super-doo-goo,

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Super-doo-goo!

♪♪ Well, that does it! It should

Take effect any moment now.

♪♪ Oh, I do hope so.

♪♪ Look at that beard curl!

♪♪ Are you sure I should be

Doing this, yertle?

♪♪ Hang onto your beard, your

Majesty!

Majesty! [All shouting at once]

[All shouting at once]

♪♪ It's working.

♪♪ Amazing stuff!

♪♪ Ohh!

♪♪ Ohh!

♪♪ Ohh! ♪♪ [Both grunt and whimper]

♪♪ [Both grunt and whimper]

[Both groan]

[Shivering]

Huh? [Growling]

[Both gasp]

[Laughter]

♪♪ I'm called king lindy.

♪♪ Yes, and I'm called

King noogle, I guess.

♪♪ Odd. You don't appear to be

A fire-breathing ogre.

♪♪ You know, I was thinking

The same thing of you, your

Majesty.

♪♪ Oh! I do admire your beard,

Though.

♪♪ Yes, thank you. And I admire

Yours as well!

[Both laugh]

♪♪ Yes, we are very lucky,

Aren't we? I mean, to share

Such a marvelous beard!

♪♪ Oh! Indeed. Hey! Put 'er

There, pal! [Gasps] wait

A minute! Look at that ring!

♪♪ Why, you've got one, too!

♪♪ Yes! [Gasps] biffy?

♪♪ Spiffy?

♪♪ [Both gasp]

My long-lost brother!

[Laughter]

♪♪ It was obvious that we were

Joined at the beard since birth!

♪♪ But babies have no beards!

♪♪ Hmm!

♪♪ That's why we never knew it!

♪♪ Hooray!

[Laughs]

♪♪ How could we have been so

Foolish, my dear brother?

♪♪ How could we have let

The green-eyed monster of

Jealousy cloud our vision?

♪♪ Oh, why did I ever listen to

My trusted advisor yertle?

♪♪ Wait a minute! We both have

A trusted advisor named yertle?

♪♪ Little guy?

♪♪ Bald-head?

♪♪ Standing over there?

♪♪ Standing over there? [Stammering]

[Stammering]

♪♪ Daughter!

♪♪ Elwood told me everything!

It's all yertle's doing!

♪♪ Yes, so we have discovered.

♪♪ Yes? Yes?

♪♪ Oh, mindy, meet your

Uncle lindy.

♪♪ How do you do, my dear?

♪♪ Well, uh, I'm both pleased

And baffled to meet you, your

Majesty.

♪♪ Oh, yes. [Laughs] it has been

A most unusual day. Your father

And I were just deciding what

Should be done with our formerly

Trusted advisor yertle.

♪♪ And a good thing too, your

Majesties. Yertle was plotting

To steal the beard.

♪♪ What?

♪♪ A complete fabrication!

An unmitigated falsehood! And

Not only that, he's lying!

♪♪ [Grunting] package here for

Yertle the turtle. Sign here for

Your royal portrait.

[Gasps]

[Laughter]

♪♪ Your majesties, fellow

Citizens, please join with me in

Singing our new national anthem,

The song that has united us all.

♪♪ ♪ Super-doo-goo,

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Super-doo goo,

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Super-doo goo,

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Super-doo goo!

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Super-doo-goo,

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Super-doo-goo,

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Super-doo-goo,

Ooh, ooh, ooh...

♪♪ Super-doo-goo,

Ooh, ooh, ooh,

Super-doo-goo,

Yat-dat-dat ♪

You know, I was searching

And searching,

And wouldn't you know,

At the end of my tail

Is the end of the show.

Though I might be content

If I sat here all day,

I shall gather momentum

And just roll away.

Hup, and there we go!

[Grunts]

Good-bye.