05x02 - Ice Follies

[bunniefuu]

This is me, Eliza Thornberry,

part of your average family.

I got a dad, a mom and a sister.

There is Donnie-- we found him.

And Darwin? He found us.

[jabbering]

Oh, yeah, about our house-- it moves,

'cause we travel all over the world.

You see, my dad hosts this nature show,

and my mom sh**t it.

Okay, so we're not that average.

And between you and me,

something amazing happened...

and now I can talk to animals.

It's really cool,

but totally secret.

And you know what?

Life's never been the same.

Alaska's Glacier Bay National Park is home to many wonders,

the endangered humpbacked whale

and even glaciers that birth, or calve, icebergs into the bay.

But what we are about to embark on today

is to film the rarest of the rare.

No, not the helicopter--

the glacial blue bear.

MARIANNE: Great opening, Nigel.

But do you think we should be featuring

the glacial bear in this installment?

I didn't even tell the foundation

we were going try, it's such a long sh*t.

Oh, pish tosh, darling,

Thornberrys are built for just such a challenge.

ELIZA: Oh, can't you take us,

please?

We would if we could,

but we're on a major deadline crunch.

DEBBIE: Oh, darn,

I don't know if I will ever get over it.

So, can I pretend to be you on your Web site again?

I'm dying to answer some fan questions...

in person.

Sure, just try not to call anyone "preteen snit" again.

Kind of hurts my rep, you know.

Gotcha.

Remember, you're in charge, Debbie.

It's even more important with Shane here.

Relax, Mom.

I will protect Shane with my life.

And you know, Eliza, too.

[grunts]

SHANE: It's beautiful here.

I know.

NIGEL: Wish us luck!

Remember, Debbie's in charge.

I've been told our pilot is Inuit.

Don't tell me you'll try to talk to him in...

[Nigel attempting to speak Inuit]

Sorry, Nigel, my grandparents moved

from the bush to Juneau years ago.

I'm a city guy.

Oh, dear, I was so looking forward

to speaking a whole new language.

It sure sounded nice.

Well, the challenge of finding the blue bear

shall test my mettle enough.

I'm Marianne.

Jesse Horn.

You know, it's a privilege to be with you folks.

I watch your show all the time.

Hey, guys, if you look just to your left,

there's an incredible school of humpback whales.

Splendid!

A navigator with a nose for nature.

Amazing!

MARIANNE: And beautiful!

[Donnie jabbering]

[chattering]

[giggling]

You know, being here

is a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

It's like the crystallization of nature,

water, air and land

all brought together in one perfect place.

It is gorgeous.

And the eyes...

I mean, and theiceis so blue.

Okay, just thinking out loud here:

Since Debbie's inside being me...

well, do you think anyone would miss us

if we grabbed a kayak and checked out

that big glacier out there?

I'm guessing it's only a half a mile away.

What if an iceberg does break off,

what would we do?

Hey, you're with Shane G.

Nothing can happen to us.

[chuckling]

Okay, I'm in.

Great, I'll go put together

a few things for the trip.

Where are we off to now?

Oh...

Um, Dar...

I don't like the sound of that.

ELIZA: No, I mean...

You know how Shane is a big star

and he's used to doing what he wants.

Well, he wants to go kayaking

and I kind of... said I would go with him.

Oh... I see.

It's my only chance to be with Shane

without Debbie butting in every two seconds.

And besides, there's only room for two

and he is a guest, and I don't want to be rude.

You don't want to be rude to Shane, you mean.

There, all set.

[jabbering quietly]

Eliza, got everything packed up!

Here, take these; you can watch us.

Hmm!

One kayak at your service.

Uh, that's a lot of supplies.

Just some equipment,

you know, in case I start feeling creative.

Help me push.

[both grunting]

ELIZA: Wow... chilly.

Rowing will warm you up.

Position your hand like this.

You probably already knew that.

But I haven't been kayaking in a while

so I need reminding.

Wow, you're really good at this.

Well, in my music special from Orlando

we did a whole rowing and rap number.

Wow, this is amazing.

Totally.

[imitating bear growling]

Ooh, sounds like my big bear

is pretending to be a big bear.

Actually, dearest,

I'm gathering my bear energy.

It will take heretofore untried mental tenacity

to track down the blue bear.

So I'm priming for the ultimate pursuit...

Oh, crumbs.

MARIANNE: Nigel...

Maybe there's somethingto bear energy.

Yes, well, by the time we set up our equipment,

our blue friend will have moved on

and a breathtaking pursuit

across crevasses and icy fields will ensue.

I... I'm... I'm sure of it.

MARIANNE: Uh-huh.

Could you hand me that lens in the bag?

[chattering]

Just want to get a better view.

But it's perfect right here.

What's wrong?

Well, it's just...

I sort of had another reason for coming out here.

When we were back at camp,

the glacier looked so beautiful

I wanted to lip-synch to "You've Got me on Ice, Girl," my song,

and use it as a backdrop to my music video.

But now that I'm here, it's almost too beautiful.

It sort of doesn't feel right to sh**t a video now.

I can see you'd be inspired,

and isn't inspiring your fans about nature

the big reason you're here?

Maybe...

And I can keep the music low

so we don't bother any wildlife.

I just need to hear it loud enough

to sing the words.

Would you do the honors?

Sure.

[shrieking and laughing]

Donnie?!

[jabbering]

Okay, Donnie.

Shh, Shane's going to give us a private concert.

[rap b*at begins playing]

♪ You had it all, Baby, I was a giver ♪

♪ But now your kisses give me a shiver. ♪

♪ It's one cold shoulder I didn't earn ♪

♪ My heart can't take this freezer burn ♪

♪ You've got me on ice, girl ♪

♪ It's a cool, cool thing you do ♪

♪ You've got me on ice, girl

♪ My love is turning blue

♪ You've got me on ice, girl... ♪

[rumbling]

ELIZA: Whoa!

[rumbling continuing]

Woo! That was way too close!

Okay, it looks like everything is okay.

Man, you should have seen your face!

Oh, likeyou weren't freaked out.

[gasps]

What is it?

Is that...

[cracking]

We're going to be crushed!

Everybody paddle, now!

[shouting and screaming]

[screaming]

I'm ready.

[rumbling]

It's calving.

Whoa.

I bet you the view

from the bay is amazing.

[grumbling]

Aha, my hunch is verified.

The bear wants to be pursued.

Jesse, my lad,

get out the crevasse ladders and let the great chase commence!

Or not.

DEBBIE [composing]: Yes, as a matter of fact,

I do have a steady girlfriend.

Her name's Debbie and she's inspired a whole new record.

So I wouldn't waste my time, Miss Shaneever.

[chuckling]

[sighs]

All right!

That is the fourth time!

And I know you can't understand me,

but would you cut it out!

I've got fans to entertain.

[cracks knuckles]

[knocking]

Okay, you're doing it again,

only with your foot!

[whines]

[shouts]

[chattering]

What?! Is it feeding time or something?

Oh, no way-- I am not playing charades,

especially with a chimp.

[chattering]

Eliza.

What about her?

Hello?

If Eliza wants a glass of ice water

she can get it herself.

Eliza is goofing around with an ice cube.

Eliza has... ice hair.

Aha!

Eliza hasnicehair.

A lot you know.

Ooh, why you little...

Eliza's covered in water?

We're going out!

Okay, okay, boat mode, boat mode.

[gasping]

We made it.

Where's Donnie?

Donnie!

[both shout]: Donnie!

Donnie!

[jabbers]

Donnie!

[panting]

[both groan]

SHANE: Here!

[jabbering]

[whales singing]

[chatters in alarm]

[motor throbs]

Oh! Oh! Oh, man.

[grunts]: Come... on.

[engine revs feebly]

[props throb]

[grinding]

We'll make it.

I... just don't know if we'll make it back.

ELIZA, SHANE: Debbie!

Debbie! Over here! Help!

Hold on!

DEBBIE: We might be off balance

from the extra weight of the water.

[groans]... Help!

Okay, come on.

[grunts]

[half-sobs]

[pants]

[groans]

Put these around you, quick.

W-w-w-warm.

B-r-r-r.

[jabbers]

T-t-t-thank you.

You're welcome.

What did you think you were doing, Eliza?

What part of "You can't go" didn't you understand?

I can't believe you--

embarrassing me like this

in front of Shane!

[sighs]... what is your problem?

You almost turned into an ice cube,

and all you're worried about

is how you look in front of Shane?

Then you deserve to be embarrassed

for doing something so stupid.

We were only checking out the glacier.

It wasn't our fault it calved.

Besides, if you hadn't been doing

your Shane fantasy...

[gasps]

Don't you even...

If you think you can just...

SHANE: Um, anybody know

what this circle of bubbles

around the commvee means?

[whales singing]

Oh, no! We've got to get out of here!

Humpback whales are about to feed!

Quick!

Move the commvee.

[gasps]

[whales thudding commvee]

Eliza... you've got to tell the whales to chill.

I'll try.

Please stop!

Get out of the way.

We're hungry.

ELIZA: We're trying to, but we can't.

Could you...

[screaming]

Eliza!

[screams]

[screams]

[screaming]

[groans]

[Eliza screams]

[sobs]

We got her, buddy.

Ugh! Aren't they done eating yet?

[gasps]

The door!

[crashing]

We... we were almost whale food.

Only by accident.

[gasps]

Humpbacks don't eat humans.

All right, you two.

This little teen rescue moment is over.

Now we've got to start bailing water,

or we're going to sink.

Oh, no!

[all shout]

We Thornberrys owe it to our viewers

to experience a real adventure,

and since the bear isn't moving,

we must.

Get ready to freeze with honor.

[groans][grunts]

[groans]

[jabbers, grunts]

[yelps]

Let's go!

Bail! Bail!

[pants]

[all grunt with effort]

And now, perhaps our last chance

to witness the miracle of the blue bear in our lifetime.

[gasps theatrically]

Any other team would have turned back,

but we continue, weary-- no, dare I say, d-r-a-i-n-e-d--

as we make our way over this ice crevasse.

Could it be?

The glacial blue bear indeed exists,

witnessed by our very eyes.

A tidbit in time, but a tidbit

that will live in our hearts forever.

[shutter clicks]

[both laugh]

What do you know?

A blue bear and a wild ham all in one day.

Hey, I got chills.

Me, too--

mostly because the foundation

is going to be thrilled.

Our mission is complete.

[roaring]

That was a good one, darling.

[engine keeps starting and stopping]

[engine thrums]

[props throb]

Yahoo, we're heading home.

Yeah!Yes!

All right!Yeah!

ELIZA: Go home.

[Shane cheers wildly]

Oh!... [gasps]

[calmer]: Okay, let's see.

"Donnie was playing with the boomerang

we picked up in Australia and..." [sighs]

They'll never believe it.

But you know, I think we're in great shape,

except for the giant rupture from the iceberg

and the fact that we had a tornado inside the commvee.

This is all my fault.

You guys have been so great to me,

and I really screwed up

by making Eliza come with me.

Nice try, Shane,

but nobody makes Eliza... do anything.

Well, nobody made you pretend to be Shane.

You were in charge.

SHANE: Hold on, Eliza.

Debbie did come and save our lives.

I could have gotten us out

with a little more time.

Oh, a little more time

and you would've been Popsicles.

Look, this isn't going to get us anywhere.

Your folks will be back in a couple hours.

Maybe Eliza and I should try to clean up?

I still can't believe it.

I, Nigel Thornberry,

actually tracked down a glacial blue bear.

More like the blue bear

tracked you down, but who's quibbling?

Let's radio the children

and let them know we're heading back.

Now we have time

to show them around the park.

Perfect!

They were so looking forward to it.

[roars softly]

[vaguely]: Thank you, yeah-- you can go now.

[jabbers]

Whee!

[chatters]

[jabbers]

NIGEL [on intercom]: Hello?

Any Thornberrys present?

Hi, Dad... oh, you didn't have to call us from filming.

We're doing fine.

NIGEL: That's just it, Deborah.

Due to my tenacious tracking efforts,

we got the blue bear on film.

We're on our way back

to take everyone for a trip into the park.

Huh... uh... Oh!

NIGEL: Marianne, they're so thrilled they're speechless.

Um, so, how much time do we have

before you're... before we get to go?

NIGEL: A half an hour as the pied-billed grebe flies.

Signing off-- see you then.

[intercom squawks off]

Oh, no!

We are so messed up.

[Nigel trying to speak Inuit]

[repeating Nigel's phrase]

Well, that's sure to impress my grandparents

the next time I visit them.

Thanks for everything.

Oh, dear.

Did we forget something?

Either I just taught Jesse

how to say "Grandmother, your face looks beautiful,"

or I taught him

"Grandmother, your face is incredibly wrinkly."

[laughs]

Well, either way, it will make

for an interesting homecoming.

NIGEL: What a memorable day,

if I do say so.

Hmm, fascinating.

I haven't the foggiest recollection

of when we did that.

Uh, that's because I don't think we did.

Is everyone okay?

Why do I sense someone has something to tell us?

[chatters]

Eliza?

So, um, see, Shane and I took a little kayak ride

and... well...

Donnie snuck on.

And?

The glacier calved,

the iceberg overturned our kayak,

we were stranded, Debbie had to rescue us,

but the commvee was trapped by whales,

took on water, almost sank,

but we got home safe-- that's most important

and we're really, really sorry.

Yeah, pretty much what she said.

SHANE: This is really all my fault.

I wanted to see the glacier up close.

I made Eliza come with me.

I don't know what else to say,

except that Debbie saved all our lives.

Yeah, pretty much what he said.

Oh, Eliza.

[sighs]

We don't want to crush your spirit,

but you cannot keep doing this.

MARIANNE: And Shane,

you have to live by our rules.

And Debbie...

[laughs nervously]

I know.

We'll probably go back to England

and I'll get knighted or something.

We left you in charge.

Oh.

Okay, lecture over.

Wow, it's weird.

All this lifesaving stuff

has really taken it out of me.

Debbie, don't push it.

Mmm? Okay, then.

I'll just, you know, be in my room.

Thank goodness they're all safe.

I know.

Sorry about getting you in trouble.

Oh, it wasn't all your fault.

Besides, we did get that adventure we wanted.

Yeah... but the next place we camp,

I swear I'm doing nothing but staying

in the commvee and doing chores.

Psych!

[giggles]

[laughs]

You want to know something else?

Your sister is pretty cool.

[happily]: Yeah... I guess she is, huh?

[laughing to herself]

NIGEL: Thank you, yeah... you can go now.