03x06 - Operation A.R.C.H.I.V.E./Operation S.L.U.M.B.E.R.

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historical file number 72368,

the creation of adults.

Numbuh 1: in the beginning,

There were children,

And for a time,

It was pretty cool.

The kids played on the beaches,

Explored the wild forests,

And relaxed in the fields.

The world was their big,

Endless playground.

[ Laughter ]

They built themselves

Simple tree houses,

And they lived without rules

Or nap times.

But it was not long

Before they became bored,

As children do.

Soon their perfect society

Gave way to laziness.

Thus did children decide

To create adults

In their own image,

Only fatter, funnier-looking,

And bigger,

So they could reach cereal boxes

On high shelves.

[ Laughter ]

The children dressed the adults

In stupid outfits

So they could laugh at them

And give them goofy names

Like mr. Ploppit.

They adults,

Loyal and eager to please,

Worked tirelessly to do

The children's bidding,

Making them peanut butter

And jelly sandwiches,

Cleaning up all of their messes,

And building larger

And more elaborate tree houses

For children to play in.

Ohh! Oh! Ow! Ohh-oh!

And yet the adults got

No respect from children,

These strange,

Short-legged creatures

With snot running down

Their noses.

With the adults

Already overworked

- And given no time - to themselves,

The children demanded

That they construct

The coolest monument yet...

A grand tree house,

One larger than all

The tree houses before it

That all of kid-dom

Could live in and play,

And they called it

"The super-double-mega-triple

Tree house."

The adults worked endlessly

Around the clock

To keep this seemingly

Impossible vision,

While still keeping up

With their cooking, lawn-mowing,

And attending

To their children's whims,

Like playing horsey...

[ Hoots ]

Oh, giddyup, boy!

It was not long before seeds

Of dissent took root.

Mr. Wigglestein... A name

That will never be forgotten.

He was the first of his kind

To rise up against children

In what would come to be known

As "the really bad thing

That happened."

At mr. Wigglestein's trial,

The prosecution argued for

A child's right to play horsey

Whenever and as much

As he or she wanted.

But mr. Wigglestein testified

- That he had - had a rough day at work

- And just didn't feel - like playing horsey.

Pressed to the point of madness

By his child's constant whining,

Mr. Wigglestein finally snapped.

In a blind rage,

He grabbed the child

And rapidly paddled his bottom

With his hand.

- This new, - rather sting-y act,

Was from then on called

"Spanking"

And forever changed

The relationship

Between kids and adults.

The furious leaders of children

Quickly ordered the immediate

Exile of mr. Wigglestein

And every one of his kind from

Every tree house on the planet.

Banished from childland,

The adults set off to find

Their own promised land,

A place without tree houses,

Where children

Wouldn't always complain

And jump up and down

On the bed...

A place they could call home.

They christened this new place

"Cleveland,"

And in time, it prospered.

The adults built

Suburban houses,

Went to lecture series,

And ate liverwurst sandwiches.

Eventually, their industries

Bred products

That not even childhood

Could resist.

And they called them "toys."

But the adults' demand for money

Made it difficult for children

To obtain these toys

Without having to stoop to tasks

Like delivering newspapers

And mowing lawns for the adults.

The children were outraged.

Why should they be forced to pay

For the adults' creations

When the adults were creations

Of their own?

Many among them wished

To simply take the toys

But knew they could not do so,

So long as adults held

The painful thr*at

Of spanking over them.

So the children devised

A desperate act,

One that kids would attempt

Again in the future

With similarly disastrous

Results...

The destruction of coffee,

The adults' energy source.

Without it, the children

Could march right into cleveland

And take the toys from

The cranky and powerless adults.

The prolonged bombing

Of cleveland's coffee shops

Lasted for weeks,

But unlike

The children's delicately

- And shoddily crafted - tree houses,

The adults' coffee shops

Had nothing to fear

From water balloons.

Man: hello, adults!

The age of children is over.

Numbuh 1: outraged at the

Children's unwarranted att*ck,

The adults decided

The children needed

What they called

"The big time out."

[ Thunder crashes ]

[ Thud ]

Charge!

Run away like little girls!

[ Shouting and screaming ]

Whoa!

No! Ow, ow!

[ Gasps ]

Oh, the pain!

The sting-iness!

Oh, the sting-iness! Oh, my...

Numbuh 1: thus did cleveland's

Troops advance outward

In every direction,

And one by one, the tree houses

Of children fell.

It was not long before

Childhood's greatest monument,

The very symbol of their greed,

Came under att*ck,

And the children ran away.

[ Adult laughter ]

Victory!

- That hurt them more - than it hurt me!

With the fall

- Of the super-double-mega-triple - tree house,

The children fell back

To the only remaining place

Where they could escape

The powerful adults... The moon.

- Satisfied with their victory - over the earth,

The adults allowed the children

To live on the moon,

Where they could make

All the noise they wanted

And stay up all night eating

Candy and watching cartoons.

And for a time,

It wasn't so bad.

But it was not long before

Children began to yearn

- For the oceans - they once swam in,

The forests they once explored,

And the toys they once

Played with on earth.

It was at this very same time

That adults fell victim to the

Same sins of laziness and greed

That had befallen the children

Before them.

They missed having kids

Doing chores for them...

Taking out their trash

And shoveling snow

From their driveways.

So the adult ambassadors

Came to the moon base

With plans for a civil, stable

Relationship with children,

One where they could all live

On the earth

In harmony and equality.

The children decided

To willingly return to the earth

And live together with adults

In small groupings

Called "families."

Children and adults could

Finally live together as equals.

Or could they?!

Soon afterwards,

The adults created places

To imprison children

Called "schools"

- Where they drained out - all of our memories

So that we'd forget

we created them.

And if that wasn't bad enough,

They invented homework

And after-school activities

To control us even more.

And do you hear that... Bzzz!

Coming from the fluorescent

Lights above your heads?

That's the adult microwave

Cranial jellifier

Slowly turning our brains

Into milk shakes.

And the stuff they serve

On thursdays in the cafeteria?

It's rainbow monkey.

They're making us eat

Rainbow monkey!

- And then they make you brush - your teeth,

Because if your teeth rot out,

- Then they can't implant - the submolar tracking devices

They use to tell where

You go when you escape!

It's a lie!

Everything you know is a lie!

[ Speaking indistinctly ]

Mr. Uno, that's enough.

Rise up and throw off

The oppression! Rise up!!

That's enough!!

But I was just getting

To the good part.

Mr. Uno, that report has

Absolutely nothing to do

With the signing of the

Declaration of independence.

Doesn't it, mr. Frybingle?

I like the part

With the giant-robot w*r.

[ Imitating machine-g*n fire ]

- Well, I like - when my students

Actually use their textbooks

To write a report

- And not their ridiculous - imaginations.

So I'm giving you

A double f-minus.

[ Bell rings ]

Aw, he's crazy,

Numbuh 1.

How could he not like the part

With the water balloons?

Oh, and the giant tree house

Was so cool!

They know.

All right, kids next door,

Just another reminder.

Hamsters, unfortunately,

Do not clean themselves.

But numbuh 2 is... Aah!

[ Scottish accent ]

Listen up!

I require volunteers for

An extra supersecret mission.

Ooh, ooh!

Pick me, numbuh 86.

It's to guard

The ultraimportanic

Kids next door

Code module, right?

No, the code module

Is safe and secure

- In the kids next door - moon base.

You can't fool me with

Your reverse psychologist.

I've heard that

The code module can monitor

- When every kid - is watching tv.

With information like that,

Adults could change

The tv schedule

And borify kazillions

Of ki...

This mission

Is for girls only!

Girls?!

A boy would be

An unacceptable security risk.

- So, what do you say, - girls?

Go on an all-night mission

With you?

Sorry, but numbuh 5

Is gonna be busy

not doing that.

- What about you, - numbuh 3?

Will there be popcorn?

Uh, sure, yeah.

Popcorn.

Buttered popcorn?

Yeah, sure.

Super extra...

Are you in or not?!

Okay.

Now, let's go out

And find more recruits

Before it gets dark.

Yes, ma'am.

Oh, boy, oh, boy! Popcorn.

Yay, yay, yay!

I am going on that mission

No matter what.

So, before we begin

Our mission,

Let me introduce you

To your fellow operatives.

Numbuh 12, numbuh 23,

Numbuh 3,

And, uh...

Do I know you?

I'm, uh, a new operative,

Numbuh 4... 30-Teen 7?

Okay.

Welcome aboard,

Number 4 30-teen 7.

Our mission is to have...

A slumber party.

A cruddy slumber party?

I thought this was to guard

The code mod...

I mean, uh, hurray!

How slumberific!

I know it's unusual,

But me mum is forcing me

To throw a slumber party,

And I had to invite someone.

Why didn't you invite

Some of your own friends?

Oh.

Don't worry, numbuh 86.

I'll be your friend.

Hello, ladies!

Don't just stand there,

Fanny pants.

Let me take your picture.

Mom!

[ Laughs ] fanny!

Oh, she may not like me

To call her that

Now that she's a big girl,

But even if she's

A big fanny now,

She'll always be

"Little fanny" to me.

But what are we all doing

Standing out here in the cold

Like cuckoo birds?

Get here and, uh...

Do whatever it is girls do

At slumber parties.

But I don't know what

You're supposed to do.

Don't worry.

I'll show you. Come on.

Uh-uh-uh.

You get in there, little missy.

Heaven forbid you should miss

The slumber party of the year.

[ Chuckles evilly ]

Well, girls,

Welcome to my room.

[ Laughter ]

Rainbow monkeys?

- I would never - have pegged you

As a rainbow monkey

Fanatic.

I just can't resist them.

And, if you tell

Any of the boys,

I will k*ll you.

♪ Rainbow monkeys,

Rainbow monkeys ♪

♪ Rainbow

♪ Oh, red and orange

♪ And pink and blue

♪ Rainbow monkeys,

Rainbow monkeys ♪

♪ We love you

[ Laughter ]

[ Gasps ] [ gasps ]

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughter ]

[ Coughing ]

[ Gasps ]

Aah!

You throw a great

Slumber party, fanny.

I couldn't have done it

Without you, numbuh 12.

What are friends for?

- Ooh, I was having - so much fun,

I forgot to check in with

The kids next door moon base.

I'll be right back.

Okay, numbuh 3,

Truth or dare?

Truth, silly.

Okay.

Do you like numbuh 4?

[ Coughing ]

Of course

I like numbuh 4.

We're in the same unit.

No.

Do you like-like

Numbuh 4?

You mean, like,

Like-like, like-like?

Yes! Yes!

[ Giggles ] [ giggles ]

Uh...

- I... - Numbuh 86: aah!

That came from the kitchen.

Come on.

I'm sorry, fanny,

But I cannot allow you

To contact moon base command.

How did you know

About the moo...

Wait a minute.

You're not my mom.

Clever deduction...

Whoa!

For a bratty girl.

[ Laughs evilly ]

What have you done

With me mum?

Oh, don't worry about her.

She thinks she's won a spa day

At chez massage.

I'd worry more about

What's gonna happen to you.

Chad?

Surprised to see me?

Surprised to see you

Wearing a bra.

[ Laughter ]

It's... It's not a bra.

It's battle-ready armor.

It's for disguises

And stuff.

Whatever you say,

Chaderella.

[ Laughs ]

You shut up!

No, you shut up!

One lousy teen traitor

Is no match

For five kids next door

Operatives.

[ All grumbling ]

Maybe.

But I'm more than a match

If I've got a hostage.

[ All gasp ]

My perfect pajama party

Rainbow monkey!

That's right.

So just stay where you are,

And your beloved rainbow doofus

Might survive.

Just do what he says.

I've got news for you,

Teen boy.

The only thing I hate more

Than rainbow dorkeys

Is cruddy traitors

Like you.

[ Punch connecting ]

[ Gasps ]

Whew!

Whew! Whew!

Are you out of your mind?!

When there's a rainbow monkey

At stake,

You cannot start jumping around

Like a stupid... Boy?

Numbuh 4? Numbuh 4?

Numbuh 4? Numbuh4?

Oh, uh...

[ Chuckles nervously ]

How dare you trick me to get

In on my girls-only mission!

When I get through with you,

I'll...

Guys, if chad was supposed

To keep us here,

That means something's

Going down

At kids next door

Moon base.

[ Gasps ]

Numbuh 86?

I thought you were on

- An all-night - supersecret mission.

- Change in plans, - numbuh 55.

- I need to check that - the code module is safe,

So we'll need both

Our authorization codes.

voice authorization codes,

please.

Authorization "yipper."

Authorization

"Rainbow monkey hugs."

Come on!

We have no time to lose.

[ Coughing ]

Huh?

Hey, wait a second.

How can you...

But if you're...

And those were...

What's going on here?!

Nice bra, teenager.

Thanks.

Battle-ready armor makes

Such good disguises,

Don't you think?

Holy cow!

It's c-c-cree!

Uhhhh!

Aah!

Uhh. Whoa-hoa-hoa!

You should have just stayed

At your little slumber party,

Kiddies.

Well, we didn't want

You cruddy teens

To miss out

On the pillow fight!

Hyah! Hyah!

Hyah! Hyah!

Armor on!

[ All grunting ]

Hyah!

Aah!

Aah!

Take this!

Huh? Aah!

Time for night-night.

Huh?

Mind if I cut in?

Aah!

Numbuh 86: it's over, cree.

All your disguises

And double crosses

Can't change the fact

That we kick your butt

Every time.

Right, team?

Right!

Right! Right!

Right!

Wrong.

I'm sorry, fanny.

I really did have fun

At your party.

She's got the code module.

Numbuh 12? Why?

Well, I'm almost 13.

I'm gonna have to work

For the teens sooner or later,

So I figured,

Why not sooner?

[ Laughs evilly ]

Nooo!

Numbuh 12.

She was the closest thing

To a friend I ever had.

Don't worry.

We're your friends.

[ Clears throat ]

[ Whistling ]

Well, I'm your friend.

Either way, this ain't over,

Not by a long sh*t...

Fanny.

[ Laughter ]



♪ Kids next door

♪ Kids next door

[ Electric guitar solo ]

♪ Kids next door

♪ Kids next door

♪ Kids next door

[ Electric guitar solo ]

♪ Kids next door

♪ Kids next door