WOMAN: Are you ready?
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ I know you see me
standing here ♪
♪ Do I look good,
my dear? ♪
♪ Do I look good today? ♪
♪ Today, today ♪
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪
♪ I'm just another
kind of girl ♪
♪ And you want
to see my world ♪
♪ So come and run away ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ If you wanna play ♪
♪ Come and play today ♪
♪ Let's just get away, yeah ♪
♪ I will make you see ♪
♪ All of the things ♪
♪ That you can be ♪
♪ Believe in yourself ♪
♪ Come follow me ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
- Dear Grandma and Grandpa,
PCA's been great
this semester.
On my last report card,
I got all As and one B.
But the good news is the B
was at the bottom, so if you
hold your thumb over it,
it looks just like all As.
Anyway, I'm so excited
'cause next week
is spring break, and you'll
never guess where I'm going.
You know that guy Logan
I told you about?
The jerk who's kind of hot?
Well, he invited me and Dustin
and all my friends to
his house in Santa Barbara.
His dad's this major TV
and movie producer,
so the place is supposed
to be, like, amazing.
Well, I better go pack.
Oh, and let me know
if that thing on
Grandpa's neck went away.
Hope so.
Love, Zoey.
- Man, I am so psyched
for spring break.
- You and me both.
I need to de-stress.
Hey, how many pairs of underwear
you think I should pack?
- Uh, I don't really feel
qualified
to help you with
your underwear math.
- [sighs]
Let's see.
I'll be at Logan's house
for six days.
I like to change at least
once every--
what did you just pack
in your suitcase?
- Nothin'.
[chuckles]
- Yeah, you did.
What was it?
Fine.
Don't let me see.
Ha. Ha ha.
- Ok, gimme that.
- Oh, cologne.
- No.
[chuckles]
It's medicine.
For pimples.
- Well, you must have some
pretty sweet-smellin' pimples.
- What, a pimple
can't smell nice?
- Well, I think you want
to smell nice
for a certain young lady
who goes by the name of Zoey.
- Maybe I want to smell nice
for you.
Ever think of that?
- Hey, you know what you ought
to do on the spring break trip?
- What should I do?
- Tell Zoey you love her.
- Man, go do your underwear
math.
- It's the perfect time.
Spring break, Santa Barbara
right by the beach.
It's very romantic.
- So?
- So it's the perfect time for
you to tell Zoey you love her.
- Would you stop sayin' that
so loud?
- Why?
- I don't want people
to know, okay?
- Dude, everyone on planet earth
knows you love Zoey.
The people on Neptune know it.
Yeah.
They're up there right now
on Neptune sayin',
"Hey, do you know that
Chase loves Zoey?"
"Why, yes, I do.
The whole galaxy knows. Nah."
- You talk so much.
- Look, the only person who
doesn't know
you love Zoey is Zoey.
So why don't you just tell
her already?
- Because I don't want Zoey
to know I love...
Brussels sprouts.
- [chuckles]
- You love Brussels sprouts?
- Yeah. They're, like,
my favorite vegetable.
Is that a problem?
- No.
- Hey, Reese, you left
your shampoo in the shower.
- And you couldn't bring it
to me?
- Nope.
- [sighs]
Back in a sec.
- Would you quit talking about
me and Zoey in front of Logan?
- If you tell her you love her.
- No.
- Give me one good reason.
- All right, you want a reason?
I'll give you a reason.
What if I tell Zoey I love her
and she doesn't love me back?
I mean, that'll make things
so awkward between us.
It could wreck
our friendship forever.
- But if she does love you back,
then she'll become
your girlfriend,
and you'll be
"happy Chase" forever.
- It's not worth the risk.
- Life is about taking risks.
Remember that saying
we learned in Latin?
Carpe doom?
"Seize the day"?
- Um, it's "carpe diem."
- Then what's "carpe doom"?
- Stupid.
- Oh, yeah.
- How we all gonna fit
in one car?
- Don't worry about it.
Hey, where's Nicole?
I told everyone
to be here on time.
- Relax.
Here she comes.
- Come on.
A little bit further.
No pain, no gai--
careful.
[both groaning]
Thanks, guys.
You can go now.
- Hey. You said you'd give each
of us 10 bucks.
- I was kidding.
Run along.
- So, guys,
I forgot to tell you.
When we get to my house,
there's gonna be
a little surprise.
- What kind of surprise?
- I do not like surprises.
The last time my mom told me
I was gonna get a surprise,
we took in this exchange student
from Guatemala,
and I swear to god
he stole three of my skirts.
- Well, this surprise
is not bad.
- Why can't you tell us what--
[horn honks]
- Hey. Over here.
[honking]
DRIVER: Mr. Reese.
- Hey, cool.
Your dad sent a van for us.
- The van's for our suitcases.
That's for us.
[horn honks]
[gasping]
- Oh...
- My...
- God.
[screaming and exclamations]
MICHAEL: Look at this limo.
- I wonder why he sent
the little one.
- Little one?
CHASE: That's not little.
- It has a hot tub in the back.
It has a hot tub.
- Would you look at that limo?
- Come on, guys.
[squealing]
DUSTIN: I'm in a limo.
CHASE: Limo. Limo.
MICHAEL: Whoo. Limousine.
NICOLE: I'm in love
with this limo.
ZOEY: I'm so excited.
LOGAN: Quinn, don't touch
the lighter.
[cheering and applause]
- All right. Santa Barbara.
LOGAN: This is it.
QUINN: Ooh, look.
They have a gate.
LOGAN: We have arrived.
[cheering and applause]
Little farther.
And there it is.
- This your house?
- Whoa. Wow.
QUINN: Whoa.
- Oh, my.
- Oh, my...
- Gosh.
- This is where you grew up?
- No. I grew up in a really big
house in Beverly Hills.
We spend summers here.
- Mr. Logan.
- Chauncey.
'Sup, buddy?
- Yes. Uh, your father has
arranged for an early dinner
for you and your friends
in the main dining room.
- Cool.
Hey, Chauncey, why don't
you show everybody their rooms?
- That would excite me.
- Hey, guys get cleaned up
and lookin' nice.
- I have to look nice?
- No one said anything
about lookin' nice.
- Why do we have to look nice?
- Because after dinner,
it's time for the surprise.
- What surprise?
[jingling bell]
- Adolescents, may I have
your attention, please?
I give you Logan's father,
Mr. Malcolm Reese.
- Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, Dad.
Yeah.
- Welcome to my home.
This is
my assistant Kira.
[all greeting]
- Sit down.
- Now, I'm sure you're
wondering why you're all here.
- Um, aren't we here
to have fun?
- Oh, yes.
But there's much more.
- More?
- Much more.
You see, I'm producing
a new reality show
called
Gender Defenders.
It's a competition to see
which sex is better,
males...
- Or females.
- Like we don't already know.
Ahh.
- And where do we fit
into all this?
- Well, before you can
make a TV show,
you have to test it.
And that's what you guys
are gonna do.
We're gonna divide you up
into two teams--
the guys versus the girls.
And over the
next couple of days,
you're gonna be pitted against
each other in a series of
competitions that's gonna
test you on three levels:
Mental, physical, and creative.
[excited chatter]
Oh, but wait a minute. I haven't
even told you the best part.
The team that wins is comin'
back to Hollywood with me
to compete on the very first
episode of Gender Defenders.
[excited chatter]
- Wait. You're gonna
put us on TV?
- No. He's gonna put us on TV.
- "No, he's gonna put us on TV."
[all talking at once]
- Whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa.
This is good.
Save it for the competition.
Now, to say thanks
in advance
for helping me test my new show,
I'd like to give you all
a small gift.
Chauncey.
- Oh.
- Whoa. Tekmates.
- What are Tekmates?
- What aren't Tekmates?
- Oh, they're a cell phone,
an address book, mp3 player.
- They do emails,
text messaging, web access.
- And we really
get to keep 'em?
- Oh, yeah.
And during the competition,
you're free to use 'em
to communicate
with your other teammates.
Oh. And I forgot--
each side is gonna need
to pick a team captain.
- Zoey?
- Sure.
- And I'll be the guys'
team captain.
- Well, I think that Chase
should be our team captain.
- Ok. Then we'll put it
to a vote.
All of those
in favor of me--
ALL: Chase.
- Jerks.
- Ok.
Team captains,
these are the rules
of the competition.
You two should meet in
the courtyard at 10 p.m.
to go over them.
- Cool.
- Thanks.
- Did you guys have any idea
about this?
- We might get to be on TV.
- How great is my dad?
- What?
- You and Zoey alone
in the courtyard?
Underneath the moonlight?
- So?
- So it's the perfect time for
you to tell Zoey you love her.
- Man, when are you gonna stop
with that?
Is there an "off"
button on you anywhere?
- [laughing]
Stop it. Stop.
Dude, stop. I'm ticklish.
- Look, I told you.
My friendship with Zoey
is too important.
I'm not gonna risk messing it up
by telling her how I feel.
- That's insane, man.
Listen.
I'm tellin' you
all you gotta do
is just go to Zoey and say--
dude, stop.
I--I'm not--wait.
- You like that?
- Dude, stop.
- You like it? You like it?
- Stop. Dude.
- I hope you like it.
- Seriously, stop.
- Is this a good experience?
- [laughing] Stop. Stop. Dude.
- May I get you anything,
Mr. Chase?
- No. No, thank you.
I'm just, uh, waiting for Zoey.
- Very good, sir.
- [imitating]
Very good, sir.
Very good, Mr. Chase.
- Pardon?
- Uh, I was--
[chuckles]
I was just tryin' out a British
accent, you know, to--
[cell phone beeps]
Oh. I'm beeping.
It's my new Tekmate.
It's a text message
from my friend Michael.
He's, uh,
he's upstairs.
- That's so interesting.
I shall go write
about it in my blog.
- "Look up."
- Over here.
- [whispering]
What?
- Tell Zoey
you love her.
[beep]
- For the billionth--
"For the billionth time, no.
"If I tell Zoey I love her,
it could wreck our friendship."
- Hi.
- Oh. Zoey. Hey.
- So, you wanna go
over these rules?
- Uh, sure.
- Hey, Quinn. What you makin'?
- A new energy drink.
- But they already have,
like, a million energy drinks.
- Yes, and they're all full
of chemicals and bad things,
which is why I'm creating
an all-natural energy drink
made of plant extracts,
fruit emulsions,
and other natural things
I've squeezed.
I call it Frazz.
- Frazz?
- Uh-huh.
Frazz will be 100% healthy,
and it'll give you
than any other drink
on the market.
- So is it ready?
- Not yet.
It's too powerful.
So now I have to figure out
a way to make it weaker
but still maintain
the yummy flavor.
- You'll figure it out.
Hey,
I'm gonna go in the hot tub.
Wanna come?
- Sure.
- Hey.
- Oh. Hey, Dustin.
Wanna come hot-tub with us?
- Nah. I'm too tired.
I think
I'm just gonna get some juice
and go to bed.
- Ok. Night.
- Ciao.
- "Frazz"?
Ooh, that's good stuff.
Yeah. I love this.
It's like climbing stairs,
but it never stops.
Ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah.
Stairs rock!
[laughing]
- What's the big deal about
Pafloobian lemonade?
- Pafloobian lemonade
is rumored to be
the most delicious beverage
in the entire galaxy.
- I've got
the Pafloobian lemonade.
Beam me up, baby.
- What's up?
- Oh, yeah.
- Hello.
- Man, you woke up early.
- Yeah.
- So? How was last night?
- What do you mean?
- Did you tell Zoey
you love her?
- No, man. I've told you
a thousand times
I'm not telling her.
Didn't you read
my text message?
- What text message?
- Uh, on your Tekmate?
The one I sent you
after you messaged me?
- You didn't message me back.
- Yeah, I did.
Look, man, I wrote
"For the billionth time, no.
If I tell Zoey I love her,
it could wreck our friendship."
- Uh, I didn't get
that message.
- Well, I sent it.
- Let me see.
Uh...
[exhales]
You didn't send
that message to me.
- I didn't?
- No.
[chuckles]
- Then who did I send it to?
- Zoey.
- Z--Zoey?
Zoey? Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god. Michael.
Oh, my god.
[muffled screaming]
- Chase, Chase.
No. Be quiet.
- [screaming]
- People are sleeping.
This is not your house.
- Oh, my god.
- This is bad.
This is so, so bad.
- But you don't know for sure
it's bad.
- You don't think it's bad if
Zoey finds out I love her
from a text message?
- All right, look.
Uh, she didn't have her Tekmate
with her
last night when you guys talked,
right?
- That was last night.
I'm sure she read it
when she woke up this morning.
- Maybe not.
Gimme your Tekmate.
Ha. See?
"Message unread."
She hasn't seen it yet.
- You sure?
- Yes.
- Ok. Good.
I just have to make sure
she never sees it.
- Then all you gotta do is
sneak her Tekmate away from her
and delete it.
- Gentlemen. If you're hungry--
- Where's Zoey?
- Having breakfast.
- [sighs]
Can you imagine growing up
in a house like this?
- I know.
It's insane.
Hey, will you pass me
the blueberries?
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
- I wonder why
they call 'em blueberries.
- What do you mean?
- They're purple, not blue.
[both chuckle]
- Yeah.
That's true.
You know, I don't even think
there are any blue foods.
- There must be
some blue foods.
- Try to name one.
- Ok. Um, let's see.
Um...
- Who touched my Frazz?
- What?
- What's the matter?
- My Frazz is gone.
- What is Frazz?
- The energy drink I'm creating.
This bottle was full
of it last night.
- Hey. You guys seen Dustin?
- He's probably asleep
in his bed.
- Uh-uh.
- We just checked his room.
- His bed hasn't been slept in.
- What if he drank my Frazz?
- Dustin.
BOTH: Dustin.
ALL: Dustin!
- [laughs]
Jackpot.
Aah. [gasps]
What are you doin'?
- This close.
I was this close to getting
Zoey's Tekmate.
- Well, what happened?
- I got Frazzed.
ALL: Dustin.
- Dustin!
- Dustin...
- Dustin!
- Dustin!
- Dustin!
- Dust?
- Dustin!
- Hey, buckteeth.
ALL: Dustin, Dustin!
BOTH: Dustin!
- Dustin?
Dustin?
Dustin?
- [laughing]
- Dustin?
- Hi, Zoey. Hi, Quinn.
What are you guys doing?
I'm just here on the stair
machine climbin' and climbin'.
I really feel like I'm getting
good exercise.
Have you guys had breakfast yet?
What'd ya have?
I'm not really hungry.
This is really fun.
[laughing]
- He drank my Frazz.
- How long have you
been climbing like that?
- Since last night.
Look. I've already climbed...
Over 22,000 stairs. Yeah!
- What is in your Frazz?
- Calm down.
It's all natural.
- That's not natural.
- Ohh. The effect should wear
off in a few hours.
- [cackling]
- Or weeks.
- Weeks?
- I'm just a person.
- Come on, you guys, the first
event's about to start.
- All right.
Gender Defenders!
Yeah.
[laughing]
- Ohh!
- Ok. As you know,
Gender Defenders
will be a series
of competitions.
Now, when we
make the actual TV show,
we'll have cameras to
record everything.
But since this is
only a test run,
it's just gonna be
you guys, me, Kira,
and our three judges.
[cheering and applause]
- Dude, Zoey's wearin'
her Tekmate.
- I know.
- She read your message?
- Nope.
It still says
"message unread."
- So, uh, what
are you gonna do?
- I'm gonna wait
till she's not looking,
sneak her Tekmate
off of her hip,
delete the message,
and put it back.
- Your first competition
will be mental.
- A scavenger hunt.
- What's a scavenger hunt?
What is it?
Somebody, tell me
what a scavenger hunt is.
Come on, come on, come on,
come on, come on.
- You see those two safes
over there?
The red safe is for the girls,
and the blue safe
is for the boys.
KIRA: The only way
to open the safe
is to have the proper
- Each captain will wait
by the safe
while their teammates
use the clues to search
for the three digits.
- Once a team
has all three digits,
they must deliver
the combination
to their captain
to open their safe.
- And the winner of the event
will be
whichever team captain
opens his or her safe
and brings me the item inside.
- Your first clues are in the
envelopes taped to your safes.
Ready?
- And go.
[Malcolm blows horn]
[excited screaming]
- Hurry.
- Come on, man, open it.
- I am.
- Come on.
- Come on. The girls are
about to open it.
- Read it, read it, hurry!
- Ok. It says,
"Lola's the secret
"to finding your first number.
Think under her head
at night when she slumbers."
- "To find your first digit,
here's the way how.
Just look underneath
the juice of a cow."
- "The juice of a cow"?
- What's cow juice?
- "At night when she slumbers."
"Under her head."
Um...
- Her pillow.
[girls scream]
- Milk.
- Milk? Milk.
- Refrigerator. Come on.
- Michael.
I have a problem.
- Later.
[girls screaming]
- Go.
- Go, girl.
- We gotta find it.
- Find it.
[screaming]
- Aah. Aah.
Fourteen.
Fourteen.
- Okay, okay, okay.
The first number is 14.
- Good. Now open it
and read our next clue.
- Um..."Your second digit
is now what you need.
"So look in a place where
you cook with great speed."
- Ok, ok, uh...
"Cook with great speed."
- Oh, France.
- Yes, Nicole.
Now we all run to France.
- A microwave.
[all screaming]
- Where's the milk.
- Here, 27.
- Twenty-seven.
Ok.
So our first number is 27.
- Read the next clue.
- Uh,
"To learn your next number,
"you don't need a teacher.
You just need
to visit an adorable creature."
- "Adorable creature"?
- Lisa Lillian. Ha ha.
- Who's Lisa Lillian?
- This adorable girl who used
to live down the street from me.
Man, she had these teeth--
- Focus, dude.
- Hey, didn't you say your dad
has a pet rabbit?
- Yeah?
- "Adorable creature"?
- Yes. Come on.
- Ok. Where's the microwave?
- There.
- Aah!
ALL: Seven.
- Ok, only one more number
to go.
- Open it.
- Ok. Um, "For your final digit,
"just look to the north
on the special red seat
which flies back and forth."
- Um...
- "Flies back and forth."
What?
Ok. "Final digit"...
- What does that mean?
- Hey, Cookie.
Twelve, twelve.
- Twelve.
Ok, 12. We got 12.
- There's one more number to go.
- Okay.
"For your final digit,
just look to the north
on a special blue seat
which flies back and forth."
- What does that mean?
- Which way's north?
- What kind of seat
goes back and forth?
- Other than a swing?
- A swing.
- Let's go!
[all screaming]
- "A blue seat
that goes back and forth."
Back--back and--
- Do you own a swing set?
- Swing set. Yes.
- Come on.
- Come on.
[excited shouting]
- Here.
- 36.
all: 36.
- Okay, 36.
So our combination is
Yeah. Just turn it,
and that'll work.
[girls screaming]
- 21.
- Quick. Quick.
[screaming]
- Our combination is 14-7-21.
- You're the fastest.
You take these numbers to Chase
so he can open the safe.
- I'm not the fastest
when he's all full of Frazz.
Look at him bouncing around.
- Yeah. Yeah. Gimme those.
- All right.
- Go, kid.
- Which one of us
is the fastest?
- Not me. I have an extra toe
on my right foot.
- It doesn't matter.
We can't outrun the guys.
- Oh. Tekmate.
- What about it?
- We'll text-message
the combination to Zoey.
- Quinn, you're brilliant.
- Just do it.
- Ok. Here. Ok.
- Well, come on. Let's go.
- And send.
- All right, guys. Go.
[screaming]
[Dustin shouting]
- Here comes the kid.
- 37-12-36.
- Hurry. Hurry up. Come on.
- Go, go, go!
- All right, Chase, come on.
- Come on, come on, come on.
- 27...
all: 12.
- Turn the dial.
- 12...
- 36.
Come on, open it.
- Come on, hurry up.
- 36. Open it.
- What is it? What is it?
- Take it out.
- Iced tea?
- Well, just...
- And the guys win the event.
[cheering]
- Oh, my god, yes.
Oh, my gosh. Oh, we got it.
[shouting and laughter]
- Thanks for just standin'
there, buddy.
Thanks for standin' there.
- You rock.
- Ah!
- Did we win?
- How could we win? You didn't
bring me the combination.
- We text-messaged it to you.
- Where's my Tekmate?
- You had it when we started.
- Here. I'll call
your phone number for you.
[dialing]
[ringing]
- [whistles]
- Chase?
- [chuckles]
I, uh--I, uh...
I found it.
- You took Zoey's Tekmate?
- Well, sorta.
- That's cheating.
- No, it's smart strategy.
- It's cheating.
- I can't believe you'd want
to win this way.
- I don't.
- Now--now,
Chase wouldn't cheat.
- Well, Logan's dad said we
could use our Tekmates
to communicate.
- And Chase took it
to sabotage our communications.
- No. I--I really didn't.
- Then why'd you take it?
- Just tell me why you took it,
and I'll believe
you didn't cheat.
Tell me why.
- See? I told ya. He cheated.
- I can't believe
you'd do this.
- Zoey.
- At least we won.
- [sighs]
- You're not gonna
disqualify the boys?
- Well, I can't disqualify 'em.
Logan's my son.
Ooh, that's good tea.
- Zoey. Zoey.
Zoey, come on.
- You're the last person in
the world I thought would cheat.
- I didn't cheat.
- You took my Tekmate.
- I know. I did.
- And that made us
lose the event.
- I didn't mean for that
to happen.
- All the girls think you did.
- So? Just because they think
I'm a liar and a cheater,
you have to think it, too?
- Ok, don't try to turn this
around on me.
- Look, I just can't believe
you would accuse me--
- I'm not accusing you
of anything.
I'm just saying,
tell me the truth.
Tell me why you
took my Tekmate,
and I'll believe you.
- I, uh--I can't.
- [sighs] Why?
What are you hiding?
- Zoey, I didn't cheat.
You know I'm an honest guy.
- Honest people
don't hide things.
- And now you're
just walking away?
- Yep.
- So, what, does this mean,
we're not friends anymore?
MALCOLM: Your next event will
be a creative challenge--
nerd makeovers.
- Uh, hey, uh...
what's a nerd makeover?
- It's when you give a nerd
a makeover.
- [chuckles]
Ah.
- Let's meet the nerds.
- First, from Fresno,
California,
I 'd like you to
meet Marty Felzenberg.
- Marty just got his degree
in geology.
He's 26 years old
and has never kissed a girl.
[Dustin laughs]
- Now, that's a dork.
- Next from Davenport, Iowa,
please say hello to
Nelson Parnell.
- Nelson collects
antique swords,
has an impressive
coin collection,
and loves vacationing
with his mother.
- Ha.
- Your mission is
to take these two losers
and make them incredibly cool.
- The guys' team gets Marty.
Girls, you get Nelson.
- All the materials you'll need
are to the left of my gesture.
- Are both teams ready?
- Um, just can I ask
one question?
- No.
[blows horn]
[screaming]
- Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.
Ohh.
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah. Hose.
[excited chatter]
- Come on, dress him up.
- Yeah. Come on. Come on, come
on. Hurry up. Hurry up.
All right.
- There we go. Yeah.
It's all in there.
- Whoo. Aah. Aah.
- Got to twist motion.
- Go. Go, go. Come on, come on,
come on.
- Keep those glasses on.
- Here. Come on. Come on.
- Listen to me. Listen to me.
- Ohh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
- Come on.
- Oh.
- Hurry. Hurry. Hurry. Come on.
- Get rid of his nose hairs.
- Come on, get 'em.
- Fix his eyebrows.
- Pluck his eyebrows.
- Ooh.
- Ow.
- Come on.
- Oh, my nose.
- Ouch. Oh. Ouch. Ow. Oh.
- [screaming]
Ohh. Ohh.
- Ow. Aah.
- Mommy. Ohh.
- Ohh. Aah.
[gasps]
- Come on. Get it. Get it.
- Oh, come on. Oh.
Ow. Aah.
- I'm thinkin' kind of
an Elvis kind of look.
- Yeah.
There we go.
- Uh, dude. No.
- Oh. Ow.
- Gross.
[applause]
- Whoo.
- Whoo. Looking good, nerd.
- Nice.
[blows horn]
- Time's up.
Let's see the results.
- Ladies and gentlemen,
the newly transformed...
Marty Felzenberg.
[applause and chatter]
- Mr. Felzenberg.
- Yeah, there you go.
- Hit some poses. Ok.
Hit some poses.
Yeah, there you go.
- Oh, that's Marty for ya.
- Everyone, I give you
the revised Nelson Parnell.
ALL: Whoo!
- Yeah.
Go, Nelson!
- Go, Nels!
[cheering and clapping]
- Parnell.
[screaming]
- And the winner is
the girls.
[girls screaming]
[laughing]
- He vacations with his mother.
That's bologna.
- Aw, man, we lost.
I'm gonna run in circles.
[laughs]
- Ok. That completes the events
of this competition.
Judges...
- We have a tie.
[all talking at once]
- So, how do we break it?
- The tie will be broken
with a physical challenge.
- Between
the two team captains--
Zoey Brooks
and Chase Matthews.
- The aqua battle.
[cheering and whooping]
- When the horn sounds,
both team captains
will try to knock each other
off the pedestal
and into the water.
- First one to be knocked into
the water two times loses.
- And to make it more
interesting,
the rest of you
will use those turbo soakers
to spray your opponent in order
to help your team captain win.
- Ok? Pick up your soakers,
take your positions.
[cheering]
- Are the teammates ready?
[shouting and hollering]
- Captains, are you ready?
- Yeah.
- Let's go.
- Fight.
[blows horn]
[cheering]
[Chase grunts]
[indistinct shouting]
- Come on. You can do this.
- [screams]
- Yes.
- Yeah.
[cheering]
- Whoo.
Whoo. Whoo. Whoo.
[girls shouting at once]
- You're the man.
[indistinct shouting]
- Are you ok?
- I'm fine.
- Round 2.
[blows horn]
[indistinct shouting]
[Chase grunts]
[indistinct shouting]
- Get back up there right now.
[all shouting at once]
- All right.
The next one to go
into the water loses.
- Round 3.
[blows horn]
[girls screaming]
- Come on, hit her.
Knock her off.
Come on.
[indistinct shouting]
- Aah. Oh, my gosh.
She lost her thingy.
- Oh. Yes. You got her.
You got her.
Hit her off.
Finish her.
Come on. Hurry up. Come on.
Knock her off.
What are you waiting for?
- Hit her.
[guys shouting]
- Oh. What are you doin'?
Aw, come on.
- Ohh.
- Aw, man.
[blows horn]
- The girls win
the competition.
[girls screaming]
- What? They--
[indistinct shouting, screaming]
- Aw, Chase.
- How could you do that? Dude!
- Chase. Look.
- She had no baton.
- She was open.
- Here. Right there.
- You could've just
knocked her off.
- What happened?
- I slipped.
[girls screaming]
- Hey, guys.
[indistinct chatter]
♪ ♪
- Uh, how's the lobster?
- It's fine.
- Good. You know, uh,
they come from the ocean.
Uh, listen.
Zoey.
- Yeah?
- Never mind.
- I hope you guys all had
a good time here in the past
couple of days.
And congratulations
to the girls
for a very close victory
over the guys, right?
- Yeah. Whoo. Yeah.
- Whoo.
- Now we have another little
surprise for you.
- Before the competition
started,
we told you the winning
team would be
on the first episode of
Gender Defenders.
- And, what, now you're gonna
tell us we don't?
'Cause my lawyer--
- Ha ha. Relax, Quinn.
The girls still get to be
on the show.
And so do the guys.
- What? Oh, man.
- Really?
- We do?
- When do we do it?
- You've already done it.
- What?
- How?
- All the events were filmed
by a hidden camera.
Take a look around.
[laughing]
And...
And...
So congratulations, kids.
You are all gonna be stars of
the first episode of
Gender Defenders.
[cheering and applause]
[rock music]
♪ ♪
- ♪ Maybe it's the way
you look at me ♪
♪ I'm searchin' for a life
of quality ♪
♪ If you need some kind of ♪
- How much longer
'til it comes on?
- About four more minutes.
- C'mon, Zoey, perk up.
- I'm not in
a very perkful mood.
- But you're about to be on
national TV.
- Yeah.
[sighs] Have you guys
seen Chase around here yet?
- [chuckles]
Yeah, he said he's not coming.
- He's not gonna watch
the show with us?
- Where is he?
- He was outside,
hangin' by the fountain.
- Where you going?
- The show's about to start.
- I'm about to be on TV.
I can't believe
I'm gonna be on TV.
How cool is that?
Have you ever been on TV?
I doubt it.
Where you from?
I'm Dustin.
I'm gonna be on TV.
- Ok, when is your Frazz gonna
wear off that boy?
- I don't know.
- How cool is it we're gonna
be on TV?
Y'know, the best part
about being on TV is that--
- It wore off.
- Yeah.
- ♪ Come a time ♪
♪ You'll be in love ♪
♪ But you won't recognize ♪
♪ Or realize ♪
♪ So you'll run ♪
♪ And only find ♪
♪ All those things you tried ♪
♪ To leave behind, so go ♪
- Uh, you want to sit down?
- Ok.
- Look, the reason...
The reason I took
your Tekmate...
was that I wrote a text message
to Michael...
and I sent it to
you by mistake.
And I had to
get your Tekmate away from you
so that I could erase
the message
before you read it.
I tried to put it back,
but you ran off,
so I couldn't.
- Ok.
- So do you believe me?
- Should I not?
- No, you--you should.
- Then I do.
- Ok.
- So...
- Don't ask.
- I'm asking.
- Zoey, seriously.
- What was the message you sent
to me by mistake?
Tell me.
- I'd really rather not
tell ya.
- Why, was it mean?
- Huh?
- Did you say something mean
about me?
- No. God, no.
It was--it was
nothing like that.
I'd never say
anything mean about you.
- Then what could
you have written
that was so important
to hide from me?
What was the message?
- You really wanna know?
- Yeah.
- You're sure?
- I really wanna know.
- Ok.
The message was...
- You guys...
- Guys, the show starts
in, like, 30 seconds.
- And we're not lettin' you
miss it.
- Can we just have a--
- Come on. Come on.
- Let's go. Now.
- Come on.
[upbeat music plays on TV]
[cheers and applause]
- Gender Defender.
- Whoo!
- Whoo. Logan.
[cheers and applause]
- Michael!
- Whoo!
- Aw, Dustin.
- Dustin. Whoo.
- Lola.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Chase.
- Whoo.
- Zoey.
- Whoo.
- Go.
[horn blows]
- The competition began with
an unusual scavenger hunt.
Both teams had to search for
a series of hidden clues
in order to figure out
how many...
- Come on, man.
- Come on.
MICHAEL: Just tell Zoey
you love her.
- "Lola's the secret to
finding your first number.
Think under her head
at night when she slumbers."
- "To find your first digit,
here's the way how.
Just look underneath
the juice of a cow."
- "The juice of a cow"?
- What's cow juice?
- "At night when she slumbers."
"Under her head." Um...
- Her pillow.
[girls scream]
- Milk.
- Milk? Milk.
- Refrigerator.
Come on.
- Michael.
I have a problem.
- Later.
[girls screaming]
[indistinct chatter on TV]
[vibrating]
02x10 - Spring Break-Up
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
Series centers around Zoey Brooks as she enrolls in Pacific Coast Academy, a prestigious Southern California boarding school that previously only allowed boys to attend.
Series centers around Zoey Brooks as she enrolls in Pacific Coast Academy, a prestigious Southern California boarding school that previously only allowed boys to attend.