01x42 - Ducks of the West

[bunniefuu]

Life is like a hurricane

Here in Duckburg

Race cars, lasers, aeroplanes

It's a duck-blur

Might solve a mystery

Or rewrite history

DuckTales, ooh-ooh

Every day, they're out there
making DuckTales

Ooh-ooh

Tales of derring-do,
bad and good-luck tales

D-d-d-danger

Watch behind you

There's a stranger
out to find you

What to do?
Just grab onto some DuckTales

Ooh-ooh

Every day, they're out there
making DuckTales

Ooh-ooh

Tales of derring-do,
bad and good-luck tales,

Ooh-ooh

Not ponytails or cottontails
no, DuckTales

Ooh-ooh

Bombers at 12 o'clock.

Fighter at two o'clock.

Another fighter at dinnertime.

That's not how it works, Louie.

- Huh? What do you mean?
- Never mind.

Hey, somethin's wrong with my plane.

- I'm going down!
- Me too!

- Mayday! Mayday!
- Me too! Me too!

Hee-hee-hee-hee.

It's great to own
your own oil company.

Oh, indeed, sir. I dare say, you'd never
use premium if you had to pay for it.

Ho-ho-ho, I dare say.

Fill 'er up, laddie.
Premium, as usual.

Uh, well, uh, we're all out
of premium, Mr. McDuck, Your Honor, sir.

Oh, very well, then.
Make it unleaded.

No unleaded, either,
Your Excellency, sir.

Regular?

Uh, well, uh, we're all out, Your...

McDuck Oil is one of the biggest
oil companies in the world.

- How can you be all out?
- I don't know, sir. We're just-just...

- Out of gas!
- Head for Uncle Scrooge's gas station.

But you told me my Texas oil fields
wouldna go dry for 50 years,

and that was only 20 years ago.

What is goin' on out there?

Well, I'm comin' to see for myself.

Six cents' worth, please.
Two cents in each plane.

- Sorry, boys, we're all out.
- How can you be out of gas?

That's what I'm about to find out, boys.

- Uncle Scrooge!
- Hop in. We're headin' for Texas.

Oh, boy!
We can play cowboys and Indians

with real cowboys and real Indians!

Can we ride horses, Uncle Scrooge?

We may have to.
Horses don't use gasoline.

We are out of petrol, sir.

Lucky we made it to the airport.

Push the limo home and take
the afternoon off, Duckworth.

Oh, thank you, sir.

- Hi, Launchpad.
- Hey, Mr. McD. Hiya, boys.

Launchpad, you've got to fly us
to Texas and fast.

No can do, Mr. McD. Your jet's been
out of gas for a week.

It's a disaster, a catastrophe.
What am I going to do?

Uh, you might not like it, Uncle Scrooge,
but I have an idea.

It's the ultimate humiliation -
buying tickets on Air Glomgold.

- Well, I said you might not like it.
- But you didn't say I'd hate it.

This will be a good place to stay.
My oil fields are nearby.

Wow, a real dude ranch.

Hey, welcome to
the Lucky Duck Dude Ranch.

- I'm your host - Tex Doggie.
- Wow, are you a real cowboy?

Sure. My name's Tex, ain't it?

Let's go check out
the horses, Uncle Scrooge.

You go ahead, lads.
I've business to take care of.

Well, Scrooge McDuck.
Been a long time.

- You're late, Wildcat.
- Ran out of gas.

There's a lot of that going around.

Yep.

All the experts said this oil
wouldn't run out for years,

- and you're tellin' me it's bone dry?
- Yep.

- You have any idea why?
- Nope.

- Have ya tried drillin' new wells?
- Yep.

- Any luck?
- Nope.

Well, let's keep tryin'!

- Ain't it great to be real cowboys?
- Sure is, pardner.

Yee-haw!
Whoo! Whoo!

Ride 'em, cowdog.

Yay!

- Wa-hoo!
- Ride 'im, Tex.

Yep, pardners. He's gonna do
some fancy sh**t'.

You've seen it here, folks.

Trick ridin' and trick sh**t',
simultaneous.

And he did it all
at the same time, too.

All part of the fun
at the Lucky Duck Dude Ranch.

Just make yourselves to home,

but don't go near
the old ghost town.

Ghost town?

'Cause the ghost of that
gunslinger Jesse Jones

and his ferocious white buffalo
still haunt the place.

Now you just have a good time.
Heh-heh. See y'all.

What do we do first -
ride a horse, explore the desert?

I think we should get a horse
and explore the desert on our way to...

The ghost town!

All right, Wildcat, throw the switch.

- You hear something?
- Nope. Yep. Nope. Yep.

It could be. It could be.

- Hot air.
- Uh, yep.

Without oil, all my factories
and ships and trucks and trains

all grind to a stop.
What will I do?

- Is that who I think it is?
- Yep.

Why, it's J.R. Mooing, richest
oil tycoon around these parts.

Howdy, folks.
J.R. Mooing.

You are sure working hard
around here.

I like that, but this land's
plumb out of oil.

How do you know?

Everybody in the oil business
knows McDuck Oil's in trouble.

In fact, I come by to help y'all out.

Just so happens, I got some
real oil land for sale.

Well, we done run out
of places to drill, partner.

Aye, that we have, Wildcat.

How much do you want
for that oil land, J.R.?

Well, now, that's awful valuable land.

I think it's worth maybe...
How much ya got?

I'm certainly not telling you
how much money I have.

Doesn't matter. Whatever it is, it'll cost ya
half your fortune to buy my land.

Nobody robs Scrooge McDuck,
no matter rich they are.

We'll have to talk again later,
Mr. City Slicker McDuck.

Heh-heh-heh.
Of course, after you change your mind.

Oh, he's right. If I don't do something soon,
I'll lose my entire fortune.

Well, ol' J.R. Can't take half
your fortune if you ain't got one.

Oh, that's a great comfort, Wildcat.
A great comfort.

And the sky is not cloudy all day

Well, we're riding the range,
eh, Deadeye Dewey?

Yep, just like real cowboys and Indians,
eh, Lonestar Louie?

Yeah - I mean, yep.

And we even got a real ghost town
to explore.

Come on, Gluefoot, giddy-up.

Uh-uh.

- I think old Gluefoot's scared of somethin'.
- Uh-huh.

What's to be scared of?
Old buildings? Tumbleweeds?

Look!

When out west, do as the westerners do.

Old J.R. Mooing
wouldn't pull a fast one

on a fellow good ol' boy.
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

I'll get that oil land for
a song. A cowboy song.

I'm an old cowhand,
only cost me a grand

Hee-ha-ha-ha!

Ten-gallon hat
don't make you no cowboy.

Nope.

Especially when you got
an 11-gallon head.

Yep.

- I think that white buffalo is gone.
- We should take a look around.

- Gluefoot, you stay here.
- Phew.

I'm thirsty. I hope we don't run into
the ghost of Jesse Jones.

- You really believe that stuff?
- I don't know. Ask him.

You're in my saloon, greenhorns.

- It's Jesse Jones!
- Let's see you tenderfeet dance.

- Ow, ooh, ee, ow!
- Oops, quackaroonie.

Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh.

Nothing like tenderfeet
with tender feet.

Hee-ha-ha-ha!
Save the last dance for me.

Time to reload. Stay where you are,
you little varmints.

- He's out of b*ll*ts.
- And we better get outta here.

Hey, wait.
I ain't ready yet.

Heh-heh. I'm gonna show
that city slicker McDuck a thing or three.

Not only am I gonna soak him for
that worthless piece of land of his,

I'm gonna humiliate him.

Howdy, pardner.

Wild Bill Duck's the name.
Drillin' for oil's my game.

Well, McDuck wants to play cowboy games
with ol' J.R. Mooing.

Well, that's just fine.

You know, I thought I knew every oil tycoon
around these here parts.

I'm not from around these here parts.

Do my oil drilling in Oklahomie
and Louisiannie.

But I'm looking to land me
some oil land around h'er.

Well, I'll tell ya what, Wild Bill.

I got a piece of land I was gonna sell
this dumb city slicker McDuck.

Dumb city slicker?
Why, you...

Ha-ha, you sho' enough
don't wanna sell to the likes a' him.

Sho' enough. So why don't you
and me have a friendly little...

cowboy contest?
Say, winner take all.

All?

Well, all. Everything you got
against everything I got.

- Unless you're chicken.
- Never. You got yourself a deal.

A cowboy contest it is.

- What kind of contest ya got in mind?
- Just wait and see, pardner.

It'll be a humdinger, I assure you.

I think we lost him.
Good thinking, Deadeye.

Hee-yaw! Hee-yaw! Git.

There's no gettin' away now.
Aw, there they are, sittin' ducks.

- He chased Gluefoot away.
- Do you think he knows where we are?

Yep.

I'm hit. Aw...

Oil! Let's give that ghost an oil spill.

- Will this work on a ghost?
- It's worth a try.

Huh? Thunderation!
Yaah! Oof.

Hey, he's not a ghost.

We better tell Uncle Scrooge right away.

How we gonna get back to the ranch
without our horse?

Whoa!

Aw, he's not mean at all.
He's sad.

Let's untie him.

Hey, white paint.

Somebody painted him up to
scare us, pardners.

He's a fake just like that fake ghost.

Can you take us back
to the dude ranch?

Let's hit the trail, pardners.

Yee... haw!

- Any old cowpoke can do that, right?
- Nope.

This glove's got stickum on it.
I need all the help I can git.

Yep.

Whoa, boy, whoa.

- You got everything set?
- El Diablo is the worst we got, Mr. Mooing.

Good. Just a little insurance.
Heh-heh-heh, I am bad.

- Here I go.
- Yep.

Whoa. Easy, boy.

Yaii!

Yeow! Oof.

- This here glove worked pretty good.
- Yep.

Aw, nice try, pardner.
Too bad I got all the points so far.

Now, there's some fancy sh**t'.

Here you go, Wild Bill.
Your turn.

I'll show you some fancy sh**t'.

Quick on the trigger,
but slow on the draw.

Oof.

Too bad you lost, City Slicker McDuck.

I now own your whole fortune,

and you don't even have
a home on the range.

Curse me kilts.
Now I'm in a real mess.

Say, pardner, have you seen
my sidekicks?

No. They were out ridin' on
old Gluefoot there.

He done come back without 'em.

Maybe they're lost in the desert,

wandering in the dark, alone and scared.

- Uncle Scrooge, Uncle Scrooge!
- Or maybe not.

That ghost town's a fake,
Uncle Scrooge.

Yeah, and the ghost
of Jesse Jones is a fake, too.

What are you talking about, lads?
And where did ya find this buffalo?

He's our friend, Uncle Scrooge.

So long, pardner. You're free now.

What's this on your head, Louie? Oil!
Where did ya get oil?

It came out of the barrel
at the ghost town.

Saddle up, lads. I think I know where to
find my missing oil.

Ach, me aching bones.
I'll tell you somethin', lads.

I've done a lot of adventurin',
but I'm no cowboy.

I should never have tried
to be what I'm not.

- But we're tough, right?
- Right!

And we'll get your oil back,
no matter what.

Heh-heh, that's the spirit, lads.

Hey, the barrels are gone.

They've got to be hidden
somewhere in this ghost town.

You look that way,
and I'll look over there.

- Canna see a thing.
- I can see you just fine.

Ahh, Jesse Jones!

Heh-heh-heh.
On your feet, sidewinder.

No, no, no.
I'm no sidewinder.

Just Scrooge McDuck,
a good Scots lad.

A fureign sidewinder.
That's even worst.

This is a showdown.

Are you sure you don't mean hoedown?
Ha-ha-ha.

Go fer your g*n.

- Hey, where you think yer goin'?
- I'm goin' for my g*n.

Now, there's a safe place to hide.

Where'd that varmint go?

What in thunderation...?

More sidewinders. What are you
and that old geezer doin' here?

You won't get away this time.

Now I got ya.
Heh-heh-heh.

- We're trapped.
- Trapped you are, for good.

It's the scariest thing
I've ever seen.

A bank with no money in it.
I better find the lads.

- It won't budge.
- Forget it, Dewey.

Shh. Somebody's here.

- Ow! Curse my kilts.
- It's Uncle Scrooge.

Uncle Scrooge, in here.
Get us out!

- Lads, what are you doin' in there?
- Same thing you're gonna do in there.

Rot. Heh-heh-heh-heh.

Now git.

You'll never get away with this,
whoever you are.

I already have.

- Look, a secret passage.
- Shh. Listen.

- Sounds like a big pump.
- Aye.

And I'll bet my lucky dime
it's pumping my oil fields dry.

How are we gonna get out of here?

The white buffalo. Maybe he can
help us bust out of here.

Grab that rope.

- All set.
- Get ready, boy.



Pull!

Ya did it, boy.

Let's go, lads.

It's workin' like a charm.
Heh-heh-heh-heh.

- Hey, look at this.
- That's McDuck Oil,

and that's my pipeline.

And that's their pipeline
leading to the ghost town.

We learned how to do this
at the dude ranch, Uncle Scrooge.

- Ready? Now.
- Huh? What the...?

You've done it, boys.

And now I've done it.

Let's find out who this guy really is.

Tex Doggie.

The Lucky Duck Dude Ranch
is out of business.

Hee-hee-hee.
And McDuck Oil is back in business.

You know, McDuck, you're all right.

You handled that hombre
like a real cowboy.

I tell you what -
I'm letting you out of our deal.

- Besides which, I cheated.
- You're OK, too, J.R., my lad.

And here's something
a real cowboy should appreciate.

Some of my cactus wildfire chili.

I may be a city slicker, but we've
a hot time in the old town tonight.

Ha-ha-ha!