05x21 - The Parent Trap
Posted: 03/07/24 19:47
honey are you bored
oh no no i'm taking a quiz i'm about to
find out which instinct guy i'm in sync
with
hope it's lance
i am folding well if you can see me why
are we talking on these stupid headsets
what do you think it's great let's buy
it wear it out we gotta go what's matter
marlene works here and i'd really like
to get out of here without having to
talk to
her hello greg marlene hi
hi are you working here now no i'm
landing planes in oakland
what happened to your job at the
bookstore i got canned barns liked me
noble thought i had an attitude i am
folding
wow this is like your third job since
your husband chewed me up and spit me
out like yesterday's sushi
fun catching up we got it cool your jets
tiffany
ah she seems really unhappy for me i
thought we got her on a good day
did you ever consider hiring her at
montgomery industries not unless we need
a vice president of backtalk
[Applause]
greg oh great you're here
i and change we have to be at the poison
at 7 00
or we can have dinner just the two of us
here
and a kitty
what's that greg have you met leonardo
dicatrio
that's marlene's cat why do you have
marlene's cat well marlene and i had
coffee we were talking about her work
situation there's a job fair tonight and
i encouraged her to go
but she needed someone to sit with
leonardo why well he's got some kind of
intestinal virus and he needs his drops
every 45 minutes and he likes it when
someone scratches behind his ears when
he throws up
we've had this reservation for a month
you're the one who said i was working
too hard
and that we should have a nice romantic
dinner someplace with snooty waiters
it's lapuas hall that's french
they they answer the phone screw you
know and it sounds great honey but we
can have a nice dinner here
oh
[Laughter]
well false alarm he's fine but don't
look at him he's probably embarrassed
but doesn't marlene have a friend who
can take care of a cat we are her
friends
no no we're not she's just a woman who
used to work for me who i fired
greg i was brought up to believe that
once someone becomes part of your life
you care for them
always they become part of your family
that is a nice philosophy
i however was brought up to believe that
if you don't like someone and you fire
them
you don't have to take care of their
miserable dyspeptic cat
celia says brunch will be ready in five
minutes which gives me the opportunity
to make a rather important announcement
a week from saturday edward and i are
going to renew
our wedding vows really good for you
kitty you know what i know your mom's
not around anymore if you need someone
to do that wedding night talk with i'll
be available
isn't saturday a little quick oh the man
hearts did one of these deals last week
uh the ladies won't stop yapping about
it it's got your mother's goat
edward really um gregory we would like
you to be
the best man sure dahmer we would like
you to
oversee the guest book
so what coat check was taken
dharma if you want the job of the groom
it's open
oh good he's gone you two sit right
there i want you to see my dress
oh i don't think your dad wants to do
this
my parents have an arrangement where
that's not really an issue
hello
hi marlene okay okay
calm down she's at macy's she has a job
interview tomorrow and she doesn't know
what to wear
yeah suggest some sort of warning label
y'all kind of in the middle of something
here is there someone there who can help
you
well what did you say to her
okay i'll be right there i gotta go
she's pretty frazzled
okay and again some people might not
feel obligated to drop everything and
come running but if you feel differently
i'm not gonna say anything
honey you're being really passive
aggressive i don't think so but if
that's what you believe i'm not gonna
contradict you
are you done if you're not interested in
what i have to say i'm not gonna force
it on you
wow these are amazing ribs
you actually had them flown in from
dallas yeah i worked out this thing with
a guy in her office down there
when the company jet flies down there
it's full of dim sum when it comes back
ribs hey dad
pete what's going on in here ribs and
plenty of them grab a bib
oh actually i just had a salad salad
there was bacon in it uh dad everything
checks out with the
mutual nda that greenwald sent over so
why don't i set up the meeting for a
week from friday no good i'm going to be
in new orleans that weekend
oh new orleans great we'll send you down
there you can bring some
sourdough when you come back you'll have
an attack shafel at toufee
look that you can't go to new orleans
next weekend that's when you and mother
are supposed to renew your vows
i made it clear to your mother i'm not
doing that i don't know why people even
bother renewing their vows
it's easier to just let them lapse
dad i don't think you did make it clear
i i have a fitting at five for a morning
coat and mothers asked me to memorize
the words to uh can you feel the love
tonight
that's a pretty tune i'm sorry i won't
be there to hear it
i hope you saved some room ed for some
genuine boston cream pie
why did we send the plane to boston for
pie oh
nice
hi marlene the outfit looks great how
did the job interview go
i think the woman in human resources was
jealous i'm a petite
you didn't point that out did you how
could i not
okay well
here's leonardo thanks for taking care
of him
did he you know whatever you're about to
say he did it on every piece of
furniture
well don't clean anything yet i need you
to sit with him again on thursday
thursday there's a course at the
learning annex on
how to flirt your way to the perfect job
darlene i can't oh
please pretty please
shopping and taking silly courses is not
the way to get a job
maybe you should update your resume and
try to be nice to people
that's it i need a new resume well there
you go
that's a start why don't you go home and
get on it i can't
my parents are coming and i have to pick
them up at the airport unless
somebody else could pick them up for me
so i could have a few hours to focus
therma hi honey i am so
looking forward to soft shell crabs i've
been walking sideways all day
listen got us a booth where we can sit
side by side so
underwear no underwear it's your call
how could you not have
tums be nice they have roll aids
the legs are fine
hello honey i would like you to meet
marlene's parents
marty and rose hoffman they'll be
joining us for dinner
but not french the cream sauces don't
agree with marty
i'm up for anything close i'm
hypoglycemic i have to eat in the next
20 minutes
on the plus side marlene took the cat
okay here we go this is real ice cream
sugar
cream butter fat the other place you
could put on your own toppings
but you didn't like the other place
because it wasn't ice cream it was
frozen yogurt yes but they had toppings
i'll have a double scoop of french
vanilla 31 flavors you don't want to
sample first
he'll try the uh coconut triple ripple i
don't like coconut
yes you do you want to bring something
home for your husband
he left the restaurant with an upset
stomach oh he sure did
go get something for marlene she doesn't
need it
boy i just realized you guys must be
exhausted and i'm sure marlena's a big
day plan for you guys huh
she says she has a job interview
tomorrow no
kidding on a saturday hey it's san
francisco
boys kiss boys people interview on
saturdays what do we know
well you'll have a great time you'll do
some sightseeing
we don't know where to go we'll be fine
we'll just sit in the hotel
well i suppose i can show you around a
little after my yoga class well if it's
not too much trouble
darling let me ask you something if you
don't mind
this yoga you teach running around in a
leotard all day
this is a job for a woman your age
well i'm not that old you're not that
young
you know what i think we're ready to go
i'll give you a ride to your hotel oh
don't be silly you go home to your sick
husband
we'll find our way okay well at least
let me get you a cat
i can't take a cab between the smell and
the bad shocks i get sick
okay well there's uh uh there's a
streetcar that lets you out right in
front of your hotel
oh i can't handle this step up with my
hip i suppose you could walk
it's cold it's so far hey why don't i
give you a ride
if it's not too much trouble
this is a train wreck waiting to happen
she's going through with the ceremony
he's not going to be there she's going
to be humiliated
can you feel the love tonight
don't talk to me about parents i just
spent the whole day at alcatraz with
rose and marty hoffman and i am telling
you if pushed hard enough you could swim
to the mainland
don't please
hi it's greg and dharma leave a message
pick up sweetie are you there
she's not there i think she's there she
was there she'd answer
oh fine she's not there if she's not
there then hang up the phone i
hung
good for you they can take care of
themselves and so can marlene you are
not responsible for everyone on the
planet and i'm glad that you figured
that out
hi it's greg and dharma leave a message
i'm telling you this is the same number
i just died
and i'm telling you you dialed wrong hi
guys i just got in
sure who doesn't love fisherman's wharf
hi greg oh good
darma said i could use your printer to
print out my resume i hope that's okay
i guess so listen thanks for taking care
of my cat
and for letting dharma help me i hope it
didn't cause any problems with you guys
thank you marlene
are you okay actually i'm feeling great
i'm getting my life together i'm relaxed
i tell you greg
you don't know what it's like to go 48
hours without dealing with my parents
lately i don't i brought soup do you
want some
oh no thanks everything all right
oh it's a stupid thing my parents are
supposed to renew their wedding vows
saturday and my father
is refusing to show up and did you just
ask me if everything's all right
yeah do you need money
no i'm good why isn't your dad gonna be
there i don't know uh
there's gonna be a full bar frankly you
know i don't know why he's uh
putting up such a fight all he has to do
is shave put on a suit and get married
again
did she ask him if you want him to do it
no but she never does
my mother's exactly the same way my
father hasn't been allowed to order his
own entree at a restaurant since
bonanza went off the air i don't know
why my dad's
fighting her so much on this one well
maybe because it's a wedding
you know somebody's supposed to ask
somebody if they want to get married
maybe you're right that's what's been
holding me back
oh by the way your virus software was
out of date so i downloaded an upgrade
for you
thank you that chicken noodle
i made it myself i'll get a bowl no
use the top it's more fun
you want me to taste it first
is the tea supposed to be this bitter
it's herbal tea
you have maybe lipton
i've been taking them off my hands for a
couple of hours irma
how can i put this without being
judgmental locusts are nature's children
and they have an important job in the
ecosystem but i don't want them in my
house
family how do you figure that out they
are the
parents of your son-in-law's ex i mean
i'm begging you please
do you have maybe lipton
i just asked you and from the bathroom
i'm supposed to psychically know be
right there
50 bucks it's my last dharma
this is not your responsibility happy
aren't you the one who always says that
we should care for the people whose
lives connect with yours i'm not saying
that you shouldn't care about marlene
i am saying that you don't have to
schlep her parents all over town
we should get going dear the dust from
all that macrame is starting to make me
a little
dead ah son you ever want to sh**t a
game uh
not right this second we're kind of
having a wedding downstairs
you don't say listen dad um
mother has something that she would like
to say to you mother
edward catherine
uh it has come to my attention that i
may have neglected to ask you if you
wanted to renew your vows
well would you well that certainly makes
a fellow feel special
quickly edward the ice sculpture's
melting
could you give us a moment gregory
edward maybe
i didn't go about this the right way and
maybe it began for the wrong reasons but
i
assumed that you would want to go
through the ceremony as much as i
would
i'm sorry thank you
edward montgomery
would you like to spend the rest of your
life with me
i would be honored
shall we uh
oh oh as to your vows i
i took the liberty of jotting down a few
thoughts
you can paraphrase if you like but i i
would stick to the text because it
really it flows very nicely
dharma mom dad how was your day take
them i hope you have something in your
refrigerator besides diet soda we're
starving
what kind of people don't eat meat
they're not tired they don't want to go
to bed they want to go back to
fisherman's wharf
find the real place that invented irish
coffee because apparently the place i
took them which is actually the place
that invented irish coffee isn't the
place that some guy named phil
told them invented irish coffee my
advice to you save you a lot of time and
trouble just take them to ireland
i'm sorry marlene i wish you all the
luck in the world
i really hope you find a job but you're
gonna have to do it yourself i
cannot help you anymore i got a job
oh really well that's great yeah greg
hired me
greg
he couldn't have done it a week ago when
i asked him to in the clothing store
damn you're gonna need to learn to relax
did i hear this
going back to work for that man we'll
talk about it in a minute ma
i'm just saying he made you miserable
ah well it's your life that's not a
minute
you know what a minute is why didn't you
make me crazy
like the roots of two beautiful trees
our hearts and souls will intertwine
for the rest of our lives
mere words cannot express my feelings
hit it dennis
[Music]
how lucky can one guy be
i kissed her and she kissed me
like the fella once said ain't that a
kick in the head
her room was completely black
[Music]
at our age it's not like we're ever
gonna see marlene walk down the aisle
if this is just a beginning
my life is gonna be
like sunshine enough to spread
it's like the fella said
tell me quick ain't love a kick
in the head
[Music]
oh no no i'm taking a quiz i'm about to
find out which instinct guy i'm in sync
with
hope it's lance
i am folding well if you can see me why
are we talking on these stupid headsets
what do you think it's great let's buy
it wear it out we gotta go what's matter
marlene works here and i'd really like
to get out of here without having to
talk to
her hello greg marlene hi
hi are you working here now no i'm
landing planes in oakland
what happened to your job at the
bookstore i got canned barns liked me
noble thought i had an attitude i am
folding
wow this is like your third job since
your husband chewed me up and spit me
out like yesterday's sushi
fun catching up we got it cool your jets
tiffany
ah she seems really unhappy for me i
thought we got her on a good day
did you ever consider hiring her at
montgomery industries not unless we need
a vice president of backtalk
[Applause]
greg oh great you're here
i and change we have to be at the poison
at 7 00
or we can have dinner just the two of us
here
and a kitty
what's that greg have you met leonardo
dicatrio
that's marlene's cat why do you have
marlene's cat well marlene and i had
coffee we were talking about her work
situation there's a job fair tonight and
i encouraged her to go
but she needed someone to sit with
leonardo why well he's got some kind of
intestinal virus and he needs his drops
every 45 minutes and he likes it when
someone scratches behind his ears when
he throws up
we've had this reservation for a month
you're the one who said i was working
too hard
and that we should have a nice romantic
dinner someplace with snooty waiters
it's lapuas hall that's french
they they answer the phone screw you
know and it sounds great honey but we
can have a nice dinner here
oh
[Laughter]
well false alarm he's fine but don't
look at him he's probably embarrassed
but doesn't marlene have a friend who
can take care of a cat we are her
friends
no no we're not she's just a woman who
used to work for me who i fired
greg i was brought up to believe that
once someone becomes part of your life
you care for them
always they become part of your family
that is a nice philosophy
i however was brought up to believe that
if you don't like someone and you fire
them
you don't have to take care of their
miserable dyspeptic cat
celia says brunch will be ready in five
minutes which gives me the opportunity
to make a rather important announcement
a week from saturday edward and i are
going to renew
our wedding vows really good for you
kitty you know what i know your mom's
not around anymore if you need someone
to do that wedding night talk with i'll
be available
isn't saturday a little quick oh the man
hearts did one of these deals last week
uh the ladies won't stop yapping about
it it's got your mother's goat
edward really um gregory we would like
you to be
the best man sure dahmer we would like
you to
oversee the guest book
so what coat check was taken
dharma if you want the job of the groom
it's open
oh good he's gone you two sit right
there i want you to see my dress
oh i don't think your dad wants to do
this
my parents have an arrangement where
that's not really an issue
hello
hi marlene okay okay
calm down she's at macy's she has a job
interview tomorrow and she doesn't know
what to wear
yeah suggest some sort of warning label
y'all kind of in the middle of something
here is there someone there who can help
you
well what did you say to her
okay i'll be right there i gotta go
she's pretty frazzled
okay and again some people might not
feel obligated to drop everything and
come running but if you feel differently
i'm not gonna say anything
honey you're being really passive
aggressive i don't think so but if
that's what you believe i'm not gonna
contradict you
are you done if you're not interested in
what i have to say i'm not gonna force
it on you
wow these are amazing ribs
you actually had them flown in from
dallas yeah i worked out this thing with
a guy in her office down there
when the company jet flies down there
it's full of dim sum when it comes back
ribs hey dad
pete what's going on in here ribs and
plenty of them grab a bib
oh actually i just had a salad salad
there was bacon in it uh dad everything
checks out with the
mutual nda that greenwald sent over so
why don't i set up the meeting for a
week from friday no good i'm going to be
in new orleans that weekend
oh new orleans great we'll send you down
there you can bring some
sourdough when you come back you'll have
an attack shafel at toufee
look that you can't go to new orleans
next weekend that's when you and mother
are supposed to renew your vows
i made it clear to your mother i'm not
doing that i don't know why people even
bother renewing their vows
it's easier to just let them lapse
dad i don't think you did make it clear
i i have a fitting at five for a morning
coat and mothers asked me to memorize
the words to uh can you feel the love
tonight
that's a pretty tune i'm sorry i won't
be there to hear it
i hope you saved some room ed for some
genuine boston cream pie
why did we send the plane to boston for
pie oh
nice
hi marlene the outfit looks great how
did the job interview go
i think the woman in human resources was
jealous i'm a petite
you didn't point that out did you how
could i not
okay well
here's leonardo thanks for taking care
of him
did he you know whatever you're about to
say he did it on every piece of
furniture
well don't clean anything yet i need you
to sit with him again on thursday
thursday there's a course at the
learning annex on
how to flirt your way to the perfect job
darlene i can't oh
please pretty please
shopping and taking silly courses is not
the way to get a job
maybe you should update your resume and
try to be nice to people
that's it i need a new resume well there
you go
that's a start why don't you go home and
get on it i can't
my parents are coming and i have to pick
them up at the airport unless
somebody else could pick them up for me
so i could have a few hours to focus
therma hi honey i am so
looking forward to soft shell crabs i've
been walking sideways all day
listen got us a booth where we can sit
side by side so
underwear no underwear it's your call
how could you not have
tums be nice they have roll aids
the legs are fine
hello honey i would like you to meet
marlene's parents
marty and rose hoffman they'll be
joining us for dinner
but not french the cream sauces don't
agree with marty
i'm up for anything close i'm
hypoglycemic i have to eat in the next
20 minutes
on the plus side marlene took the cat
okay here we go this is real ice cream
sugar
cream butter fat the other place you
could put on your own toppings
but you didn't like the other place
because it wasn't ice cream it was
frozen yogurt yes but they had toppings
i'll have a double scoop of french
vanilla 31 flavors you don't want to
sample first
he'll try the uh coconut triple ripple i
don't like coconut
yes you do you want to bring something
home for your husband
he left the restaurant with an upset
stomach oh he sure did
go get something for marlene she doesn't
need it
boy i just realized you guys must be
exhausted and i'm sure marlena's a big
day plan for you guys huh
she says she has a job interview
tomorrow no
kidding on a saturday hey it's san
francisco
boys kiss boys people interview on
saturdays what do we know
well you'll have a great time you'll do
some sightseeing
we don't know where to go we'll be fine
we'll just sit in the hotel
well i suppose i can show you around a
little after my yoga class well if it's
not too much trouble
darling let me ask you something if you
don't mind
this yoga you teach running around in a
leotard all day
this is a job for a woman your age
well i'm not that old you're not that
young
you know what i think we're ready to go
i'll give you a ride to your hotel oh
don't be silly you go home to your sick
husband
we'll find our way okay well at least
let me get you a cat
i can't take a cab between the smell and
the bad shocks i get sick
okay well there's uh uh there's a
streetcar that lets you out right in
front of your hotel
oh i can't handle this step up with my
hip i suppose you could walk
it's cold it's so far hey why don't i
give you a ride
if it's not too much trouble
this is a train wreck waiting to happen
she's going through with the ceremony
he's not going to be there she's going
to be humiliated
can you feel the love tonight
don't talk to me about parents i just
spent the whole day at alcatraz with
rose and marty hoffman and i am telling
you if pushed hard enough you could swim
to the mainland
don't please
hi it's greg and dharma leave a message
pick up sweetie are you there
she's not there i think she's there she
was there she'd answer
oh fine she's not there if she's not
there then hang up the phone i
hung
good for you they can take care of
themselves and so can marlene you are
not responsible for everyone on the
planet and i'm glad that you figured
that out
hi it's greg and dharma leave a message
i'm telling you this is the same number
i just died
and i'm telling you you dialed wrong hi
guys i just got in
sure who doesn't love fisherman's wharf
hi greg oh good
darma said i could use your printer to
print out my resume i hope that's okay
i guess so listen thanks for taking care
of my cat
and for letting dharma help me i hope it
didn't cause any problems with you guys
thank you marlene
are you okay actually i'm feeling great
i'm getting my life together i'm relaxed
i tell you greg
you don't know what it's like to go 48
hours without dealing with my parents
lately i don't i brought soup do you
want some
oh no thanks everything all right
oh it's a stupid thing my parents are
supposed to renew their wedding vows
saturday and my father
is refusing to show up and did you just
ask me if everything's all right
yeah do you need money
no i'm good why isn't your dad gonna be
there i don't know uh
there's gonna be a full bar frankly you
know i don't know why he's uh
putting up such a fight all he has to do
is shave put on a suit and get married
again
did she ask him if you want him to do it
no but she never does
my mother's exactly the same way my
father hasn't been allowed to order his
own entree at a restaurant since
bonanza went off the air i don't know
why my dad's
fighting her so much on this one well
maybe because it's a wedding
you know somebody's supposed to ask
somebody if they want to get married
maybe you're right that's what's been
holding me back
oh by the way your virus software was
out of date so i downloaded an upgrade
for you
thank you that chicken noodle
i made it myself i'll get a bowl no
use the top it's more fun
you want me to taste it first
is the tea supposed to be this bitter
it's herbal tea
you have maybe lipton
i've been taking them off my hands for a
couple of hours irma
how can i put this without being
judgmental locusts are nature's children
and they have an important job in the
ecosystem but i don't want them in my
house
family how do you figure that out they
are the
parents of your son-in-law's ex i mean
i'm begging you please
do you have maybe lipton
i just asked you and from the bathroom
i'm supposed to psychically know be
right there
50 bucks it's my last dharma
this is not your responsibility happy
aren't you the one who always says that
we should care for the people whose
lives connect with yours i'm not saying
that you shouldn't care about marlene
i am saying that you don't have to
schlep her parents all over town
we should get going dear the dust from
all that macrame is starting to make me
a little
dead ah son you ever want to sh**t a
game uh
not right this second we're kind of
having a wedding downstairs
you don't say listen dad um
mother has something that she would like
to say to you mother
edward catherine
uh it has come to my attention that i
may have neglected to ask you if you
wanted to renew your vows
well would you well that certainly makes
a fellow feel special
quickly edward the ice sculpture's
melting
could you give us a moment gregory
edward maybe
i didn't go about this the right way and
maybe it began for the wrong reasons but
i
assumed that you would want to go
through the ceremony as much as i
would
i'm sorry thank you
edward montgomery
would you like to spend the rest of your
life with me
i would be honored
shall we uh
oh oh as to your vows i
i took the liberty of jotting down a few
thoughts
you can paraphrase if you like but i i
would stick to the text because it
really it flows very nicely
dharma mom dad how was your day take
them i hope you have something in your
refrigerator besides diet soda we're
starving
what kind of people don't eat meat
they're not tired they don't want to go
to bed they want to go back to
fisherman's wharf
find the real place that invented irish
coffee because apparently the place i
took them which is actually the place
that invented irish coffee isn't the
place that some guy named phil
told them invented irish coffee my
advice to you save you a lot of time and
trouble just take them to ireland
i'm sorry marlene i wish you all the
luck in the world
i really hope you find a job but you're
gonna have to do it yourself i
cannot help you anymore i got a job
oh really well that's great yeah greg
hired me
greg
he couldn't have done it a week ago when
i asked him to in the clothing store
damn you're gonna need to learn to relax
did i hear this
going back to work for that man we'll
talk about it in a minute ma
i'm just saying he made you miserable
ah well it's your life that's not a
minute
you know what a minute is why didn't you
make me crazy
like the roots of two beautiful trees
our hearts and souls will intertwine
for the rest of our lives
mere words cannot express my feelings
hit it dennis
[Music]
how lucky can one guy be
i kissed her and she kissed me
like the fella once said ain't that a
kick in the head
her room was completely black
[Music]
at our age it's not like we're ever
gonna see marlene walk down the aisle
if this is just a beginning
my life is gonna be
like sunshine enough to spread
it's like the fella said
tell me quick ain't love a kick
in the head
[Music]