05x12 - Previously on Dharma & Greg
Posted: 03/07/24 19:16
why doesn't the iron get hot
wait don't tell me is it something like
because it was pressed for time but
dirtier
it's not even that old it still works
you just have to heat it up on the stove
i think it came with a five-year
warranty
what are you doing i'm getting the uh
warranty and the sales receipt for the
iron
okay can you just hang on a sec because
i gotta call some people to see this
what is this i'm saving that it's a
perfect
fall leaf remember this is a filing
cabinet and it was filed under
l
was it or was it not under tea plus it's
my shirt oh it's that's my shirt i got
it at the bonnie rate concert at cow
palace in 97 she opened with nick of
time and then she did have a heart and
then some snotty woman spilled red wine
on mixie
hold on
wow we were at the same concert like six
months before we met
yeah we're soul mates honey i'm sure the
universe tried to put us together like a
hundred times before
probably ate in the same restaurants
shop the same stores or we were both at
a bunny rate concert with 20
000 other people but how do you explain
the fact that six months after we were
at the same concert we met on the muni
train
well i would say that six months after
we were at the same concert we met on
the muni train
i see you can't explain it can you
[Laughter]
[Music]
those aren't the people who are sitting
in those seats it's okay
no it's not okay we paid good money for
these seats and they didn't look at them
they
clearly look like loge
barbara it's fine well how am i supposed
to see around here greg she's a tree
[Music]
oops busted
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
isn't that the best concert yeah it's
just too bad that she had to have her
music recorded and packaged and sold
everywhere
that kind of success has to be
disappointing for her
so i guess me buying this t-shirt just
adds to her pain
non-political framework you look hot in
that
oh you have no idea how non-politically
hot
i am hey i gotta say a little
souvenir to remember the night oh that
is so sweet honey but
you know i don't really wear t-shirts
with logos yeah well you might want to
just look at this one because it's kind
of special oh
okay oh this is wonderful
so it was that a yes yes yes
yes yes yes you were so surprised
yeah you know i i was gonna do something
more conventional like you know dave
finney did for karen hollister
the french restaurant and you know the
ring in the glass of champagne but i
thought you know this is barbara and
barbara
you know would want me to shake things
up a little oh dave put karen's ring in
a glass of champagne
oh that's so romantic but this this is
nice
too i i can make a reservation to shay
monique
maybe friday let me surprise you
that is why the san francisco board of
supervisors will never understand the
effect of 401 rezone
on the selman neighborhood that is our
lead story
you are so hot when you expose municipal
level corruption
hey guys what's shake
want to go to my place what's wrong with
here good news
as soon as the t*nk fills up we can
flush again
it's just that you know we're going to
my parents house in the morning and my
house is closer
listen uh i am totally cool with going
here folks
i just want to make sure that it's not a
boyfriend brunch with the parents thing
i just want to be able to walk in there
and say abby larry it's me gunther i'm
doing your daughter and that's where it
ends
well you might want to start with hey
how are you but i'm sure they'd be cool
with that
cool are you worried about something
yeah uh we have
a beautiful thing here and i'm afraid
if we're not careful we could screw it
up it starts with brunch and then
suddenly you're married and it's hi
honey i'm home let's drive the saab to
the country club
gunther i will never live like that
science marriage doesn't have to be that
way
wow where's that coming from
where's what coming from well we agreed
marriage is the state co-opting love
i was just talking you're the one who
made it about our relationship
hang on now we're in a relationship
would you prefer ad hoc social political
alliance
frankly yes well too bad for you because
relationship came with sex okay i can't
deal with this i'm going to the park to
play chess with the junkies
are you having dinner here no will you
cook me something before you go
and he put the ring in a glass of
champagne oh
gregory how romantic
you try to make these things special be
careful where you set the bar it's a
long haul
well there's so much to talk about yeah
i guess we should start with colors
oh martha stewart says that silver and
gold are the new black and white
hank wear my old football uniform
well i'm not sure i care for silver and
gold but then
of course it's not up to me we'll come
back to that
now have we decided on a ballroom for
the reception
we can always tent the backyard we could
certainly get 400 in there
intimate can be nice i i hear uh
intimate is the new big
barbara darling please don't encourage
him
i think the backyard will be just lovely
now i think for our rehearsal dinner
that we won't go
quite so rustic uh we should
probably focus on the wedding itself oh
yes mother has lots of ideas
for the menu you know what would be
great uh one of those uh pasta bars
where they have all the sauces and the
guys mix it up right there for you
you keep yapping son i'm not gonna be
able to help you
these candles are only two for a dollar
they don't have wicks
they'll last forever so dharma have you
talked to gunther how's he doing
yeah he decided our fight was a
microcosmic expression of the fall of
the soviet union in a realignment of the
geopolitical system
he's hurting boy i hope you guys work it
out he's such a great guy
he lives outside the system he has no
material possessions
he refuses to get a job guys like that
don't come along every day
there it is oh oh
no that's what i thought let's go
oh oh hold on we we got up at seven we
drove 45 minutes we parked we walked a
quarter of a mile so you could show my
mother an antique wedding dress that you
knew you didn't like
well honey i didn't know for sure all
right well what did your mother say when
you showed it to her yesterday oh she
didn't care for it
besides if you're going to be in tails
then there's no way it'll be formal
enough
i'm wearing tails well you'd look pretty
silly in just the top hat
wearing a top hat no man it just feels
that way
you'll be all right in a couple of hours
oh look at these darling little
potpourri sessions
this would be lovely in with the
bridesmaids gifts don't you think oh
they're
darling oh are you two getting married
bless you sweet sapphic sister
we're not getting married oh oh no of
course not because the law doesn't
recognize your love but you can still
have this little
ceremony or planning
i don't think we want anything from this
woman
i know who wears the pants in that
relationship
dharma look hey
listen i was thinking maybe i
arbitrarily restricted the parameters of
our dialogue
no that was me i always do that
i i still don't believe in marriage but
i'm not categorically opposed to the
principle of commitment
really and if you operate under the
hypothesis that
the concept can exist outside of
societal conventions
that i love you blah blah blah blah blah
i love you too
oh um i thought i thought we could wear
these and then when people saw us
together they'd see them and say
hey those two people hang
out
i don't really want to wear a top hat
and tails greg i'm sorry
you're probably feeling a little left
out yeah a little
it's just that i have been planning my
wedding since i was five years old and
with the exception of having my little
pony be my maid of honor
i'd like to stick with that plan
you've been planning your wedding since
you were five years old
the only thing that was missing was my
prince in his
top hat and tails okay
what do you know universe knows what
it's doing
there are wax door stops
barbara's a wonderful girl and if i have
to wear a top hat and not eat pasta to
marry her it's a
reasonable trade-off why can't you eat
pasta if you're wearing a top hat
oh it's it's uh it's two different
things dad
all right now the next possible bachelor
party site
a little strip club called filthy
mcranchies
it's a chain but that hasn't hurt the
quality
she's smart she's beautiful we're
perfect for each other you know of
course we have some issues but what
couple doesn't have issues and i'm not
gonna find anybody with whom i don't
have issues
listen son you're overthinking this
thing you're gonna spend eight hours
a day at the office a couple of rounds
of golf a week and evening with the guys
at night you'll eventually be in
separate bedrooms so
the time you spend with your wife ends
up to be two maybe three hours a week
tops
hey relax buddy it's a big step
everybody gets cold feet
it's perfectly natural unlike these
yikes oh she probably got a deal on
these being a nurse hey guys
how's the newspaper coming three more
inches to fill and we are done
how about this i put together a jumble
where you can't make any words it
represents the futility of modern life
everybody loves the jumble there you go
issue number two
you give us eight weeks we'll give you
the news
let's celebrate i got just the thing
i've been saving it for today
half a bottle of somebody's champagne
nice you know what i think an occasion
like this calls for glasses
let's have a real celebration we've been
working really hard and we've barely
seen each other
i think we should get away that is a
great idea
yeah you know how we talked about
participating in an indian sweat lodge
ritual right well there's one in two
weeks
we can get a babysitter for toad and
then we're good to go
okay uh now i know you didn't
mean to do this but do you see what
you're doing dharma
you are asking the us now who do love
each other
to bind the us two weeks from now
who we don't know to this trip
now is that fair for us to do to them
um okay the me now is getting a headache
so i'm gonna take a little break from
the us now
arm up bye now
that is not bad and that is not
champagne
i'm sure my fiance will be here any
minute you know we're not usually open
on mondays
and we appreciate that i spend mondays
with mother
i'm sure she appreciates that
is there any chance you can choose a
wedding cake without your fiance i don't
know
did hell freeze over
hi sorry i'm playing okay hello hi
great news i got the job in dc really
wow that's terrific terrific it's
blended let's taste cake
the first one is a lemon chiffon now
they want me to start right away so of
course we'll have to uh
rent an apartment until we find
something permanent whoa whoa whoa
i i can't just leave my job actually i
uh i spoke with mr claiborne and he said
they would be completely okay with you
transferring to washington
oh craig everything is just falling into
place it's like um
oh what's it called um karma yes yeah
now let's try the marble with the
strawberry filling ooh
i don't believe in karma and technically
it would be kismet um
what are you doing talking to my boss oh
well i was just moving things along i i
thought you'd be happy
can you give us a minute absolutely
i'll just call and have them wheel
mother out of the solarium and back into
her room
okay greg what's going on you've been
fighting me on
everything no no barber the problem is i
haven't been fighting you on anything
i can't read your mind greg if something
is bothering you
you have to tell me what is it well
everything
are you saying you don't want to marry
me
barbara listen
oh my god we're just very different
people
i'm an episcopalian you're a
presbyterian
you like the bahamas i like bermuda you
like shaker furniture i like mission
how's it ever gonna work
i will be in washington if you come to
your senses call me
mother sends best wishes to the happy
couple how we doing here
uh william listen oh my god
and now we cleanse ourselves of
negative worldly energy and send it away
from the lodge which represents
the warm heat of the wound
i thought you were coming
i am so sorry you were right
you were right about everything you were
right that i used my politics as an
excuse to avoid intimacy
sorry
i love you
will you marry me what
he wants to marry you
no
i thought i thought that's what this was
all about i mean you wanted
commitment you wanted somebody that
would be there for you uh
somebody you could build a family with
let's do this maybe this lady can marry
us i can't marry you
there's someone else there's someone
else
there's gotta be
hey you all set for tonight for what
your bachelor party
pete we canceled the wedding three
months ago yeah but you can't cancel the
bachelor party your dad will be crushed
he's had his outfit picked out for
months
pack gunther got a new issue of his
paper out
abby come on it's over give it up
besides i prefer a newspaper that
doesn't start every article with you're
not going to believe the crap that's
going down
major babies right behind you pete i
don't want to check out david and i
don't want to go to a strip club tonight
oh let's see there you go thanks
hey you know who's back in town caribou
fine gold
is happy aren't you the one who's always
saying that the universe is going to put
me together with my soul mate in its own
time oh you're absolutely right
besides caribou's nose is always wet
fine you don't want to have your
bachelor party it'll be my bachelor
party and you can be my best man
maybe you'll meet a nice naked girl pete
i'm fine i'm dating
i you know if something happens it
happens if it doesn't i don't want to
force it
you know what abby when the right guy is
near
i'll know it
are you honestly telling me that a
little something like that wouldn't work
for me
all right i'm okay yoga a walk yeah
actually i'm running a little late i'm
taking mewni okay honey i love you
i love you all right you don't want to
have a bachelor party i can understand
that
what do you say we go now to a strip
joint and have the business man's lunch
i'm gonna go back to the office all i'm
saying is this is san francisco
you got good hair people are starting to
talk
if the universe put us together at the
concert why didn't we meet then
well obviously we weren't ready we were
with other people
so you're saying the universe didn't
know that honey my point is it is a
vast and complicated universe and you
and i standing here are not gonna figure
out why the things that happened
that's your point i would have gone with
that
um i'm doing this for you
but i really don't get it honey
[Music]
i'm hot i'm uncomfortable and i'd really
rather be playing golf
every time you come here you bring a
talker
wait don't tell me is it something like
because it was pressed for time but
dirtier
it's not even that old it still works
you just have to heat it up on the stove
i think it came with a five-year
warranty
what are you doing i'm getting the uh
warranty and the sales receipt for the
iron
okay can you just hang on a sec because
i gotta call some people to see this
what is this i'm saving that it's a
perfect
fall leaf remember this is a filing
cabinet and it was filed under
l
was it or was it not under tea plus it's
my shirt oh it's that's my shirt i got
it at the bonnie rate concert at cow
palace in 97 she opened with nick of
time and then she did have a heart and
then some snotty woman spilled red wine
on mixie
hold on
wow we were at the same concert like six
months before we met
yeah we're soul mates honey i'm sure the
universe tried to put us together like a
hundred times before
probably ate in the same restaurants
shop the same stores or we were both at
a bunny rate concert with 20
000 other people but how do you explain
the fact that six months after we were
at the same concert we met on the muni
train
well i would say that six months after
we were at the same concert we met on
the muni train
i see you can't explain it can you
[Laughter]
[Music]
those aren't the people who are sitting
in those seats it's okay
no it's not okay we paid good money for
these seats and they didn't look at them
they
clearly look like loge
barbara it's fine well how am i supposed
to see around here greg she's a tree
[Music]
oops busted
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
isn't that the best concert yeah it's
just too bad that she had to have her
music recorded and packaged and sold
everywhere
that kind of success has to be
disappointing for her
so i guess me buying this t-shirt just
adds to her pain
non-political framework you look hot in
that
oh you have no idea how non-politically
hot
i am hey i gotta say a little
souvenir to remember the night oh that
is so sweet honey but
you know i don't really wear t-shirts
with logos yeah well you might want to
just look at this one because it's kind
of special oh
okay oh this is wonderful
so it was that a yes yes yes
yes yes yes you were so surprised
yeah you know i i was gonna do something
more conventional like you know dave
finney did for karen hollister
the french restaurant and you know the
ring in the glass of champagne but i
thought you know this is barbara and
barbara
you know would want me to shake things
up a little oh dave put karen's ring in
a glass of champagne
oh that's so romantic but this this is
nice
too i i can make a reservation to shay
monique
maybe friday let me surprise you
that is why the san francisco board of
supervisors will never understand the
effect of 401 rezone
on the selman neighborhood that is our
lead story
you are so hot when you expose municipal
level corruption
hey guys what's shake
want to go to my place what's wrong with
here good news
as soon as the t*nk fills up we can
flush again
it's just that you know we're going to
my parents house in the morning and my
house is closer
listen uh i am totally cool with going
here folks
i just want to make sure that it's not a
boyfriend brunch with the parents thing
i just want to be able to walk in there
and say abby larry it's me gunther i'm
doing your daughter and that's where it
ends
well you might want to start with hey
how are you but i'm sure they'd be cool
with that
cool are you worried about something
yeah uh we have
a beautiful thing here and i'm afraid
if we're not careful we could screw it
up it starts with brunch and then
suddenly you're married and it's hi
honey i'm home let's drive the saab to
the country club
gunther i will never live like that
science marriage doesn't have to be that
way
wow where's that coming from
where's what coming from well we agreed
marriage is the state co-opting love
i was just talking you're the one who
made it about our relationship
hang on now we're in a relationship
would you prefer ad hoc social political
alliance
frankly yes well too bad for you because
relationship came with sex okay i can't
deal with this i'm going to the park to
play chess with the junkies
are you having dinner here no will you
cook me something before you go
and he put the ring in a glass of
champagne oh
gregory how romantic
you try to make these things special be
careful where you set the bar it's a
long haul
well there's so much to talk about yeah
i guess we should start with colors
oh martha stewart says that silver and
gold are the new black and white
hank wear my old football uniform
well i'm not sure i care for silver and
gold but then
of course it's not up to me we'll come
back to that
now have we decided on a ballroom for
the reception
we can always tent the backyard we could
certainly get 400 in there
intimate can be nice i i hear uh
intimate is the new big
barbara darling please don't encourage
him
i think the backyard will be just lovely
now i think for our rehearsal dinner
that we won't go
quite so rustic uh we should
probably focus on the wedding itself oh
yes mother has lots of ideas
for the menu you know what would be
great uh one of those uh pasta bars
where they have all the sauces and the
guys mix it up right there for you
you keep yapping son i'm not gonna be
able to help you
these candles are only two for a dollar
they don't have wicks
they'll last forever so dharma have you
talked to gunther how's he doing
yeah he decided our fight was a
microcosmic expression of the fall of
the soviet union in a realignment of the
geopolitical system
he's hurting boy i hope you guys work it
out he's such a great guy
he lives outside the system he has no
material possessions
he refuses to get a job guys like that
don't come along every day
there it is oh oh
no that's what i thought let's go
oh oh hold on we we got up at seven we
drove 45 minutes we parked we walked a
quarter of a mile so you could show my
mother an antique wedding dress that you
knew you didn't like
well honey i didn't know for sure all
right well what did your mother say when
you showed it to her yesterday oh she
didn't care for it
besides if you're going to be in tails
then there's no way it'll be formal
enough
i'm wearing tails well you'd look pretty
silly in just the top hat
wearing a top hat no man it just feels
that way
you'll be all right in a couple of hours
oh look at these darling little
potpourri sessions
this would be lovely in with the
bridesmaids gifts don't you think oh
they're
darling oh are you two getting married
bless you sweet sapphic sister
we're not getting married oh oh no of
course not because the law doesn't
recognize your love but you can still
have this little
ceremony or planning
i don't think we want anything from this
woman
i know who wears the pants in that
relationship
dharma look hey
listen i was thinking maybe i
arbitrarily restricted the parameters of
our dialogue
no that was me i always do that
i i still don't believe in marriage but
i'm not categorically opposed to the
principle of commitment
really and if you operate under the
hypothesis that
the concept can exist outside of
societal conventions
that i love you blah blah blah blah blah
i love you too
oh um i thought i thought we could wear
these and then when people saw us
together they'd see them and say
hey those two people hang
out
i don't really want to wear a top hat
and tails greg i'm sorry
you're probably feeling a little left
out yeah a little
it's just that i have been planning my
wedding since i was five years old and
with the exception of having my little
pony be my maid of honor
i'd like to stick with that plan
you've been planning your wedding since
you were five years old
the only thing that was missing was my
prince in his
top hat and tails okay
what do you know universe knows what
it's doing
there are wax door stops
barbara's a wonderful girl and if i have
to wear a top hat and not eat pasta to
marry her it's a
reasonable trade-off why can't you eat
pasta if you're wearing a top hat
oh it's it's uh it's two different
things dad
all right now the next possible bachelor
party site
a little strip club called filthy
mcranchies
it's a chain but that hasn't hurt the
quality
she's smart she's beautiful we're
perfect for each other you know of
course we have some issues but what
couple doesn't have issues and i'm not
gonna find anybody with whom i don't
have issues
listen son you're overthinking this
thing you're gonna spend eight hours
a day at the office a couple of rounds
of golf a week and evening with the guys
at night you'll eventually be in
separate bedrooms so
the time you spend with your wife ends
up to be two maybe three hours a week
tops
hey relax buddy it's a big step
everybody gets cold feet
it's perfectly natural unlike these
yikes oh she probably got a deal on
these being a nurse hey guys
how's the newspaper coming three more
inches to fill and we are done
how about this i put together a jumble
where you can't make any words it
represents the futility of modern life
everybody loves the jumble there you go
issue number two
you give us eight weeks we'll give you
the news
let's celebrate i got just the thing
i've been saving it for today
half a bottle of somebody's champagne
nice you know what i think an occasion
like this calls for glasses
let's have a real celebration we've been
working really hard and we've barely
seen each other
i think we should get away that is a
great idea
yeah you know how we talked about
participating in an indian sweat lodge
ritual right well there's one in two
weeks
we can get a babysitter for toad and
then we're good to go
okay uh now i know you didn't
mean to do this but do you see what
you're doing dharma
you are asking the us now who do love
each other
to bind the us two weeks from now
who we don't know to this trip
now is that fair for us to do to them
um okay the me now is getting a headache
so i'm gonna take a little break from
the us now
arm up bye now
that is not bad and that is not
champagne
i'm sure my fiance will be here any
minute you know we're not usually open
on mondays
and we appreciate that i spend mondays
with mother
i'm sure she appreciates that
is there any chance you can choose a
wedding cake without your fiance i don't
know
did hell freeze over
hi sorry i'm playing okay hello hi
great news i got the job in dc really
wow that's terrific terrific it's
blended let's taste cake
the first one is a lemon chiffon now
they want me to start right away so of
course we'll have to uh
rent an apartment until we find
something permanent whoa whoa whoa
i i can't just leave my job actually i
uh i spoke with mr claiborne and he said
they would be completely okay with you
transferring to washington
oh craig everything is just falling into
place it's like um
oh what's it called um karma yes yeah
now let's try the marble with the
strawberry filling ooh
i don't believe in karma and technically
it would be kismet um
what are you doing talking to my boss oh
well i was just moving things along i i
thought you'd be happy
can you give us a minute absolutely
i'll just call and have them wheel
mother out of the solarium and back into
her room
okay greg what's going on you've been
fighting me on
everything no no barber the problem is i
haven't been fighting you on anything
i can't read your mind greg if something
is bothering you
you have to tell me what is it well
everything
are you saying you don't want to marry
me
barbara listen
oh my god we're just very different
people
i'm an episcopalian you're a
presbyterian
you like the bahamas i like bermuda you
like shaker furniture i like mission
how's it ever gonna work
i will be in washington if you come to
your senses call me
mother sends best wishes to the happy
couple how we doing here
uh william listen oh my god
and now we cleanse ourselves of
negative worldly energy and send it away
from the lodge which represents
the warm heat of the wound
i thought you were coming
i am so sorry you were right
you were right about everything you were
right that i used my politics as an
excuse to avoid intimacy
sorry
i love you
will you marry me what
he wants to marry you
no
i thought i thought that's what this was
all about i mean you wanted
commitment you wanted somebody that
would be there for you uh
somebody you could build a family with
let's do this maybe this lady can marry
us i can't marry you
there's someone else there's someone
else
there's gotta be
hey you all set for tonight for what
your bachelor party
pete we canceled the wedding three
months ago yeah but you can't cancel the
bachelor party your dad will be crushed
he's had his outfit picked out for
months
pack gunther got a new issue of his
paper out
abby come on it's over give it up
besides i prefer a newspaper that
doesn't start every article with you're
not going to believe the crap that's
going down
major babies right behind you pete i
don't want to check out david and i
don't want to go to a strip club tonight
oh let's see there you go thanks
hey you know who's back in town caribou
fine gold
is happy aren't you the one who's always
saying that the universe is going to put
me together with my soul mate in its own
time oh you're absolutely right
besides caribou's nose is always wet
fine you don't want to have your
bachelor party it'll be my bachelor
party and you can be my best man
maybe you'll meet a nice naked girl pete
i'm fine i'm dating
i you know if something happens it
happens if it doesn't i don't want to
force it
you know what abby when the right guy is
near
i'll know it
are you honestly telling me that a
little something like that wouldn't work
for me
all right i'm okay yoga a walk yeah
actually i'm running a little late i'm
taking mewni okay honey i love you
i love you all right you don't want to
have a bachelor party i can understand
that
what do you say we go now to a strip
joint and have the business man's lunch
i'm gonna go back to the office all i'm
saying is this is san francisco
you got good hair people are starting to
talk
if the universe put us together at the
concert why didn't we meet then
well obviously we weren't ready we were
with other people
so you're saying the universe didn't
know that honey my point is it is a
vast and complicated universe and you
and i standing here are not gonna figure
out why the things that happened
that's your point i would have gone with
that
um i'm doing this for you
but i really don't get it honey
[Music]
i'm hot i'm uncomfortable and i'd really
rather be playing golf
every time you come here you bring a
talker