05x18 - The Mess of Adrian Listenger

[bunniefuu]

All right, larabee,

You and the others can go
back to headquarters now.

Right, chief.

Where have you two been?

Max got lost and we followed
the wrong funeral, chief.

Max: where's randolph?

This is nothing compared to
the funeral we just came from.

How did randolph die, chief?

It's a strange accident, max.

What was strange about it?

Randolph was
discovered in his bathtub...

Drowned.

Well, there's nothing
strange about that.

A lot of people drown
while they're taking a bath.

Randolph was taking a shower.

Then take agent willoughby...

You certainly couldn't say
he d*ed in a normal manner.

I thought willoughby
fell out of a plane.

He did. The plane hadn't
left the ground yet.

You see, max, even though willoughby
d*ed from a fall from a plane,

He only fell 10 feet.

Explain that if you can.

How tall was willoughby?

What's that got to do with it?

Well, it has a
lot to do with it.

If willoughby was
short... Say, 3'7"...

Then 10 feet would
be a lot longer to fall

Than if he was 6'4",
give or take a foot.

From willoughby's
height or from the fall?

- That's enough.
- From the fall.

At any rate, I don't
like what's going on.

You'd almost think someone had a
vendetta going against control agents.

Have you ever
considered the possibility

That this whole thing
might be a coincidence, chief?

Max is right, chief.

Even though two agents
have met with bizarre accidents,

It could be a coincidence.

I suppose there
is a possibility.

On the other hand, I
don't think so, chief.

- Why do you say that?
- Look.

Control agents.

Mr. Weems is expecting you.

Mr. Weems?

Oh, be right there.

Boy oh boy.

Sunbathers on the roof?

No, this is for
viewing color slides.

My wife just got back
from the grand canyon.

I wish she had fallen in.

We're from control.

I'm the chief and
this is maxwell smart.

Sit down, gentlemen.

Now according to your message,

You have information
pertinent to the death

Of control agent randolph.

Yes, I do.

My wife likes me to have a
little snack before I go to work.

She thinks I'm skinny.

Care for a hard-boiled egg?

How about a ramos fizz?

Mr. Weems, if we could
get to the matter at hand.

Yes, of course.

Ah, yes.

Tarpaulin insurance had
a $50,000 insurance policy

On agent randolph.

Now do you know
what that means to me?

A trip to hawaii?

It means a thorough
investigation.

And a trip to hawaii after that.

Are you suggesting that
agent randolph was m*rder*d

For his insurance money?

Yes, are you suggesting
that agent randolph

Was m*rder*d for
his insurance money?

- No.
- No, he's not suggesting that.

And I'll tell you why.

I know, max. He's
gonna tell us why.

Agent randolph was raised by an
orphanage in bayonne, new jersey.

He made that orphanage
his beneficiary.

Of course!

Some rotten kid
in that orphanage

m*rder*d him for his money.

No, he wasn't m*rder*d by anybody
from the orphanage, but he was m*rder*d.

How can you be so positive?

Yes, how can you be so positive?

Do either of you recognize this?

Oh, for crying out loud. This
is the baseball team I coached

When I was an instructor at
the control training school.

Well, for heaven's sake.
Which one is you, chief?

Right there.

Oh, the one with the
black baseball cap on.

That's not a black
baseball cap! That's my hair!

Oh really? How come
it's got an initial on it?

And who's the good-looking
guy standing next to you?

I don't see any good-looking
guy standing next to me.

That's me, chief.

- And there's willoughby and carmichael...
- And poor old randolph.

And foster and kinkaid
and lynch and listenger.

You're right. Where'd
you get this picture?

Among randolph's effects.

I believe he was m*rder*d
because of that photograph.

What do you think?

Well, chief, I would
have used a wider lens,

- But I don't see...
- Max, randolph didn't take that picture!

Randolph didn't
take that picture!

- Who did?
- It doesn't matter who did, mr. Smart.

The point is randolph was k*lled
because he was in that picture.

As a matter of fact, six of those
men have already been m*rder*d.

You see? Mm-hmm! You see?

Max, he's right! Willoughby,
carmichael, randolph...

- All those men are dead!
- Except three:

Yourself, mr. Smart
and adrian listenger.

Listenger is the only
man on that baseball team

Who failed to become
a control agent.

Yeah, but he succeeded in
becoming something else.

- What was that?
- A really great m*rder*r.

Really, a top-notch m*rder*r...

One of the great murderers
of all time, which really...

He was not an ordinary m*rder...

He was... A m*rder*r's
m*rder*r, I would say.

you know, not one you'd
meet every day at the store.

Max, it just sounds
so incredible.

- What does?
- The story about adrian listenger.

Yes, well, that's
ace weems' theory.

You see, listenger was caught
cheating on his final exams

And was discharged
from the control academy.

He swore to get
even with everybody.

But why?

Well, one of the men
on the team turned him in.

- Which one?
- We never found that out, 99.

Whoever it was refused
to step forward and admit it.

So in order to get revenge on
one man, he's gonna k*ll you all.

Yes, and all in vain... He never would
have passed the examination anyway.

- How do you know?
- He was copying off my paper.

Max! This must explain
your name on the tombstone.

He probably put it there to
warn you that your turn's next.

Oh, max, I'm scared!

There there, 99. There's
nothing to be frightened about.

- You know who's out looking for him?
- Who?

The fbi, cia, interpol, the
royal canadian mounted police,

- And mrs. Listenger.
- Mrs. Listenger?

Yes, he owes her back alimony.

I hope they get him before
she does. She'll k*ll him.

Max, how can you be so casual?
You've been marked for death.


Spots like this before,

Time and time again. I
just learn to live with it.

Max, that was
someone at the door!

You may have k*lled them!

Who is it?

- Who is it?
- it's the chief.

- Is it safe?
- Oh, come on in, chief.

I'm awfully sorry. I
guess I'm a little jumpy.

That's quite all right, max. I
know exactly how you feel.

Don't forget
listenger's after me too.

about a half an hour ago
somebody rang my doorbell

And I reacted exactly
the same way you did.

- What brings you here, chief?
- I just received this telegram.

Ace weems is at
the senator hotel,

And he wants us to meet
him there as soon as possible.

- Let's go.
- Where's the senator hotel, chief?

Right in downtown washington.

Weems got hold of
the hotel registry,

And I'll give you two guesses
as to who is registered there.

- I'll be back in a little while, 99.
- All right.

Two guesses, eh?

- The vice-president?
- Adrian listenger.

what did you tell me for? I
still had one more guess coming.

- Find anything?
- Nothing! Not a thing!

There must be something
around here that'll give us a lead.

Don't overlook a thing, max,
even if it's only a matchbook cover.

A matchbook cover? Well,
why didn't you say so, chief?

Let's go through those. Maybe
I'll find a restaurant he frequents.

- Good idea, ace.
- How did you get the nickname "ace"?

Well, I used to play poker
with three other guys.

We all wound up giving
ourselves names after the cards...

Names like "king
garrity, jack palermo".

You took the name "ace"?

Yeah, it was either
that or "queen."

Did you find anything?

Nothing. They're all different.

Two hours of this and we
haven't come up with a thing.

Well, at least it
gives us an insight

Into listenger's character...

He's a man who's very careful

About leaving
evidence lying around.

Yes, and he's not very
superstitious either.

What makes you say that?

Look at that mirror.

Listenger left this mirror
on the wall and it's broken,

And that means
seven years bad luck.

- That's it!
- That's what?

Listenger's list!

The first six names
are crossed off.

The first six
names are dead men.

I told you it was bad luck.

Wait a minute. Listenger's
name's on that list too.

Yeah, it's before
either of yours too.

- You know what that means?
- Of course!

- What does that mean, chief?
- What it means is...

Don't tell me,
chief. Let me guess.

Listenger is gonna
k*ll himself first,

And then he's gonna
k*ll you and me.

- Don't move.
- Get in here. Get your hands up.

All right, you're
under arrest, listenger!

I'm not listenger.
My name is tuttle.

You expect me to believe that?

Well, it's true. I'm the
manager of this hotel.

- I don't believe that either. Who is he?
- Name is...

Don't tell me. Let me guess.

His name is tuttle and he
is the manager of the hotel.

That's right.

I could have told
you that, chief.

The night clerk downstairs
told me he let you fellas in,

But if you're looking for mr. Listenger,
you're about a week too late.

- Skipped town, eh?
- No, we buried him this morning.

Well, that must
mean he's dead, chief.

Please accept my
apologies, mr. Tuttle.

We're on a very important case

And sometimes we
act a little too hastily.

Oh, that's all right.

The authorities are in and
out of here all the time.

If you fellas have
any other questions,

I'll be downstairs at the desk.

thank you, mr. Tuttle.

What did you do that for?

Listenger's no longer alive.

That's right, chief. You and I
are the only ones left on the list.

That's right, max. You and I
are the only ones on the list.

Then one of you has
to be the m*rder*r.

That's ridiculous.
Max is like a son to me.

More than that... The
chief is like a father to me.

Well, the facts don't lie. You
subtract seven from nine, you get two,

- And eventually one.
- Mr. Weems, you don't know us very well,

But to even consider that max
or I would m*rder each other,

Let alone seven other
control agents...!

We've worked on
hundreds of cases together

With ample opportunity to knock
each other off anytime we wanted to.

Why would we wait until now?

You're at the
bottom of the list.

Now, look, I may be
just an insurance man,

But I think I can look at this
situation with far more objectivity.

I refuse to entertain the idea.

Besides, all the
facts aren't in.

Well, let's get a bite to eat and
we'll look at it further, okay?

- After you, chief.
- Go ahead, max.

- I'll close the door.
- No, it's all right, chief. I'll close it.

Are you afraid to
have me behind you?

Of course not.

Max, I'm not leaving this
room unless you go first.

And I'm not leaving
unless you go first.

But this is ridiculous! We're acting
like we don't even trust each other.

- Look, we'll both go out at the same time.
- Okay.

- All right. Go ahead, max.
- You start, I'll follow.

Max, if we're both gonna
leave at the same time,

One of us has to make a move.

You're right, chief.

You make it.

I'm not gonna make a
move unless you do.

Then I'm not gonna make it
if you're not gonna make it.

Yeah, this is room 312.

Send up some coffee
and sandwiches, please,

And an extra cot.

When did you last
see the chief, max?

Oh, last night in
listenger's hotel room.

I left by the door and the
chief went down the fire escape.

Did either of you say
anything to each other?

No, we didn't want
to wake ace weems.

Max, you realize that this is
some kind of diabolical plan.

Someone worked very hard to
get things to work out like this,

But there's one thing
he didn't count on.

- What's that?
- Your high regard, your warm feelings,

And your deep respect.

You're right, 99.

- For who?
- The chief!

Oh, him.

Larabee, I'm going
down to the lab.

If anybody wants me,
you know where I'll be.

- Where's that, chief?
- I just told you, larabee.

Down at the lab.

Don't forget about
your lunch date with max.

- What lunch date with max?
- He called in about an hour ago.

Didn't you see the message?
I left it on your desk.

Are you sure?

Oh, here it is. I
left it on my desk.

You know, all desks look alike.

- Larabee.
- I can't tell one desk from the other.

It's a good thing our
desks are in different rooms

Otherwise you'd
really be in trouble.

Larabee, i am in trouble.
What's the message?

Oh. Well, max wants
to buy your lunch.

You're to meet him at the twin oaks
restaurant out on highway 9 at 12:30.

I'll be down at the
lab about an hour.

You get a message to max and
tell him I'll meet him there at 1:00.

Right, chief.

Max? Larabee.

The chief says
he'll meet you at 1:00

For lunch at the twin oaks
restaurant on highway 9.

Thank you, larabee. Goodbye.

What's that all about, max?

Well, it seems that the
chief is a little ashamed

Of his actions last night.

He wants me to meet him for
lunch this afternoon at 1:00.

Isn't that lovely? Where
are you gonna meet him?

I don't know. Some little
place out on highway 9...

A restaurant called
"the twin oaks."

Twin oaks? I don't know it.

Yes, well, it's probably some
sophisticated little hideaway spot.

I hope the food is good.

Chief?

Chief?

- Hello, max.
- Chief?

Well, I guess this
is the showdown.

I guess so, max.

I've done a lot of thinking

And I've come to the conclusion

That there's only
one way to end this.

I came to the
same decision, max.

You did?

Yes, you see, neither you nor I

Could be the m*rder*r, max.

The fact that we threw
those g*ns away proved that.

Whoever tricked us into coming
here hoped that we'd k*ll each other,

Or else have one
of us k*ll the other

And have the survivor
blamed for the other's death.

Would you say that again, chief?

We're not alone here, max.

Good afternoon, gentlemen.

Oh hi, ace!

Chief, it's ace weems.
He eats here too.

That's not his real name, max.

I know that, chief. It's a
nickname he got in a poker game.

Weems isn't his real
name either. It's listenger.

- Ace listenger?
- Adrian listenger... How did you find out?

I took the liberty of
removing this from your office,

And I ran it for a
fingerprint check.

When the prints came back,

They proved to be
those of adrian listenger.

And no two people in the world

Have the same set
of fingerprints.

Wait a minute, chief.

There's a guy up
there with a g*n on us

Who has the same set of
fingerprints as adrian listenger!

Because that is
adrian listenger.

Oh really?

He doesn't look
anything like him.

I had my nose fixed.

Well, your doctor
did a rotten job.

I did it myself.

Well, that accounts
for the face,

But how about the height?

Adrian listenger was at
least a foot taller than you.

I changed the
way I wore my hair.

I used to have it
in a pompadour.

Well, you forgot
one thing, my friend:

Adrian listenger
was hard of hearing.

- What?
- Never mind, max.

Listenger, you're under arrest
for the m*rder of six control agents.

And the wino.

Oh, the one who was
supposed to be you

At the senator hotel.

Gentlemen, I've
had enough talking.

Just a minute, listenger,

There's one thing
I'd like to know:

Why did you k*ll all those control
agents on the baseball team?

Because you guys were
mean to me and cruel to me,

And you were always
throwing baseballs at me.

But you were the catcher.

It doesn't matter what I was.

I've waited a
long time for this.

Last two on my list.

Well, that's the end
of adrian listenger.

Yes, chief, now there's only
two names left on his list:

Yours and mine.

This is ridiculous, chief.

Come on, let's get out of here.

- After you, max.
- No, you go ahead first, chief.

No, I'm not in any
hurry at all, max.

But your car is
parked in front of mine.

- I have to pull mine out...
- I don't care, max. You go ahead.

- If you're in no hurry...
- I'm not in a hurry.