05x21 - The All-American Boy - Not!

[bunniefuu]

Some of our equipment
is a little out of date

but that's the nature
of a free clinic.

We have make to do
without a lot of things

that some doctors
take for granted.

You mean
like cat scans and mri's?

- I mean like fees, Harry.
- Really?

Hey, we really appreciate
your volunteering.

I know there are better ways
to spend your weekend.

Not if you live in my house.

Anyway, listen,
medicine's been very good to me

and i... and I love
giving something back.

Good, I hope
you'll keep us in mind

if you have any surplus
equipment at your office.

I have a nurse
I'd consider parting with.

I'd rather
have an X-ray machine.

I'll throw one in
if you take the nurse.

Come on. When am I gonna
start seeing patients?

We open the floodgates
in about five minutes.

Hope you had a good breakfast,

because we don't stop for lunch
until dinner.

I can handle it.

I hope so.

Some of you guys in private
practice are pretty spoiled.

Get... what? Spoiled!

A couple of weeks ago,
my golf cart broke down

I played the last three holes
on foot.

♪ I'm always here

♪ for anything that you need

♪ rain or shine

♪ I'll be the one...

♪ ...we share it all

♪ as life goes on

Yeah.

- How's it going?
- Going fine.

Mike, keep the bandage clean.

Stop by next week,
have the stitches removed.

That was a mean-looking
s*ab wound he came in with.

Did he tell you how it happened?

Yeah, he said he was cleaning
his Kn*fe and it went off.

Quick, man, start workin' on me.

Whoa, whoa!
Work on you for what?

How should I know? You're
the doctor. Pick somethin'!

- Say, did you see a kid...
- There you are!

Whoa! Hey, hey, hey!
Take it easy here!

I've been here
for the past hour.

Isn't that right, doc?

Come on.
What's... what's going on?

Little punk
just ripped off my store.

He walked out
with a package of boloney

and a carton of orange juice.

The good stuff,
not made from concentrate.

Hey, I'm sorry.
I was hungry, that's all.

You're gonna be more than that
when I get through with you.

I'm gonna make an example
of this kid.

Wait! Wait a minute!
There's no example-making here.

Take it easy!

Here, this should cover it.

Hey, you're not gonna
buy me off for...

Whoa! Twenty bucks!

I'll take it this time, but...

Just 'cause I'm a good guy
and a people person.

And don't forget it,
you slimy little punk!

That's the last time
I have lunch at his place.

Hey, hey, hey, you.

What's your name?
- Rudy.

Harry Weston.
Now listen, Rudy,

we're gonna have to
give your parents a call.

I don't have any parents.

But I do have a sister
in Orlando.

She's the only one
who ever loved me.

If I could only scrape
together, say...

Fifty bucks.

Then I could be
with some family.

I'll tell you what,

why don't I give your sister
a call? What's her number?

All right, I don't
have a sister in Orlando.

Okay,
now we're getting somewhere.

But I do have a brother
who lives in California.

Of course, I need 100 bucks
to get there.

Let's give your brother a call.

He's only got
a cellular phone and...

He's afraid to answer it.

Knock it off here!
Come on, I want some truth!

Hey, I don't have a family!

You're telling me there are
no adults in your life?

I've seen him
around the neighborhood,

I think he's telling the truth.

Yeah, I'm by myself.
I live in the streets.

This is insane!

There are government agencies
for kids like this.

Government agencies
can't keep track of everybody.

The IRS seems to manage.

I got patients waiting.

He's all yours, Harry.
Watch your wallet.

Can I have a drink of water?

Yeah, sure.

Come here, let me take a look.

Come up here. Get up here.

Let me take a look.
What's going on?

You alright?
You look a little pale.

I'm okay. I just get tired
once in a while.

Well, let me
take a look at you here.

Come on, let's see.

When's the last time
you saw a doctor?

I picked a guy's pocket
a few weeks ago.

I think he was a doctor.

Rudy, I think you're due
for a quick check-up.

How 'bout it?

Can I have
a drink of water first?

Sure, come on.

I'll fill a cup for you,

then you can fill a cup for me.

Greetings, westons.

I see you're just in time.

- Just in time for what?
- To invite me to dinner.

Too late, Charley,
dinner's over.

Hey, who's the little poacher?

He's auditioning to replace you.

You gonna eat that last olive?

Nice move!
Kid's got potential.

Charley, this is Rudy.

Rudy, this is our
next-door neighbor, Mr. Dietz.

Alright, if you
really want this olive...

You can have it.

If... you can tell me
which cup it's under.

Aw, isn't that cute?

I tell you where it is
and I get it.

Right, and if you're wrong,
you give me a buck.

Whoa! Hey, Rudy,
I don't want any gambling here.

Stop.

Trust me, this isn't gambling.

You're on, shorty.

Like taking candy from a baby.

Bingo!

Like candy from a baby.

Hey, you know, I can do that.

I picked it up
from some gypsies in Spain.

Okay...

So... where is it, Rudy?

I think it's right...

Here.

No, that's not it.

It's there.

Cost you another dollar
to find out.

That's enough! Come on,
enough, enough.

Alright, everybody! Coffee
and cookies in the living room!

I'll pass, I...
I got some stuff to do.

Damn!

Wow!
This is a great house.

You must be a multimillionaire.

No, no, not at all.

I'm just a simple...
Multithousandaire.

I never knew anybody who lived
in a mansion like this.

Well, this isn't really
a mansion, Rudy.

You kidding?

Swimming pool,
all this nice furniture?

I'll never have
a place like this.

Well, why not, Rudy?

This is america,
the land of opportunity.

A place where everyone has hope.

It's hard to have hope

when you're living
in a refrigerator crate.

And all you have
for a pillow is a dead cat.

Daddy, he's so Oliver twist.

Rudy, Rudy, Rudy,

you are the cast-off
of an uncaring society.

Carol, you're smothering him,
let him go.

You stay outta this!

Hey, come over here.

I think what Carol
is saying is that...

You shouldn't be living
the way you do.

You oughta be in a foster home.

I've been to one, man.
It was no place for a kid.

All right, maybe you had
a bad experience, but...

I mean, having a family
is a wonderf

daddy...!
I'll take this one.

Rudy...

Having a family

is knowing that you have
a place where you belong.

A place where you have
unconditional support.

Where you'll be respected
and listened to.

- Carol, I really don't think...
- Shut up, Emily!

I am trying to instill
in the boy

a sense of togetherness.

Look, I don't know
about this family stuff.

I've been living on my own
since I was 10.

How old are you?

About 20?

Daddy we cannot send this
perceptive, sensitive boy

to a shelter.

Alright, I'll tell you what.

Why don't you stay over
here tonight

and tomorrow we'll discuss
your future?

Sleep here?

Hey, why not?

Maybe we could all do something
together tonight.

Like a real family.

Sure, anything special
you'd like to do?

Could we all go to the movies?

Good idea! Movies it is!

I'll go get my jacket.

- Can I have a drink of water?
- You go help yourself.

Damn!

And I think thematically
that the film was a metaphor

for man's inhumanity to man.

Carol, we saw Aladdin.

Um...

Be right back.
I left my jacket in the car.

Okay.

Okay...

My god.

Daddy, our furniture!
What happened?

What happened?

Carol, we've been robbed!

I still can't believe,
Rudy would do this.

I still can't believe
he thought Carol was 20.

Well...

There's no sign of forced entry.

My guess is he unlocked the door
before you left for the movies.

He did come into
the kitchen just before we left!

This is the second time
this year we've been robbed.

What's happening
to this neighborhood?

A certain element has moved in
that attracts criminals.

What element?

People with money.

Sergeant, do you really think
Rudy was involved?

I mean, he's just a little boy.

That little boy
is a professional criminal.

That's how he makes his living.

I'm a caterer.

You said you owned a dog.

Where do you suppose he was
during all of this?

Come on, dreyfuss,
I'm telling you it's okay.

They left hours ago!

I see this every day.

They just don't wanna
get involved.

Whoever did this
must have backed a truck

right up to the house.

I mean, somebody
must have seen something.

Hey, westons.

Charley...
Char... charley.

This is sergeant Fletcher.

This is our neighbor,
Charley dietz.

Charley, did you notice anything
strange around here tonight?

Strange?

No, I can't say that I did.

Daddy, why ask him?

He wouldn't notice
if martians landed.

Wrong, Carol.

I did notice
when martians landed.

If anything strange
happened here tonight

I would've noticed it.
I was here all evening,

helping the movers.

Charley, you... You...
You helped those guys?

Don't thank me, Harry.

By the way, Angelo told me to
tell you that the camera crew

will be here at 6:00 am
to start setting up.

What are you talking about?

The commercial
they're sh**ting here.

But don't let it get around
the neighborhood.

Gotta keep the paparazzi
from mobbing ed McMahon.

Ed McMahon.

Hold it.
Let me get this straight.

Now did he say he thought
they were sh**ting

a commercial here today?

Yes.

It's so stupid!

Charley!

They're not sh**ting
a commercial!

Ed McMahon is not coming here!

Yes, he is, Harry.

Ed and all the people

from the publisher's
"cleaning" house.

Publishers clearing house.

Charley,
those men were burglars!

No! Now wait a minute!
This is... Just not possible!

Why is it not... Possible?

Because I talked them into...

sh**ting at my house, too!
They took all my stuff!

See you picked out
a new breakfast room set.

God, this is
the kind of stuff we'd have

if we weren't living off dad!

You know, it's a shame.

We just got new furniture
six months ago

and now we have to buy
all new stuff.

Yay!

Look, I have
a bunch of catalogs!

I don't know what it is,

I just get such a rush when
I shop for big ticket items.

And it's not as though
we're being wasteful.

No! We have to do this.

I love this postmodern stuff.

I mean, would you look
at the lines on this chair!

God! An Italian couch!
Look at that. It's beautiful!

That is cool!

But it costs a fortune!

Yay!

Emily, see this coffee table?

We used to have one just like it
at the old house.

I used to do my homework on it
while I watched TV

and you'd sit next to me
with your crayons

and pretend
you were doing homework too.

You probably
don't even remember that.

I do! And on the other side
of the room we had that ottoman

and every time dad came home
from work, he tripped over it.

Emily, that was d*ck Van d*ke.

Mr. Garrison, trust me.

There's absolutely nothing
to worry about.

- What about my heart?
- It's fine!

- Blood pressure?
- Perfect!

- Lungs?
- Clear!

Prostate?

Lovely.

- Thank you, doctor.
- This free clinic is a godsend.

You don't know what it's like to
be a low-income hypochondriac.

Bye, Mr. Garrison.
There you go, bye-bye!

All right!

See ya tomorrow!

- Sergeant, come on in.
- I'm sorry to keep you waiting.

Listen, it's okay, doc.

We checked your phone records.

And we traced a call

to a phone booth outside
a fortune-telling establishment.

And I'm sure it's the boy.

What did you find out?

Nothing. Nobody would talk.

Except for the fortune-teller.
She put a curse on me.

Well, I'm sure there's
nothing to that.

Well, I hope not.

She told me my kids
would move back in with me

when they were 30.

- Excuse me for interrupting.
- No, that's fine.

Hi, sergeant.

I got the lab report
on Rudy's blood work.

Take a look.

His blood glucose is 240.
- Damn.

- What does that mean, doc?
- It means

he's an uncontrolled diabetic.

Listen...

What's the address
of that fortune-telling place?

Well, they won't talk
to you either.

They have to talk to me.

The boy needs treatment
right away.

Doctor...

Do you have a minute?

I've got this pain...
All up my side.

It really hurts.

Welcome!
I was expecting you!

- You were?
- Naturally!

Of course.

Allow me.

- Most interesting.
- You see something?

I see a man
with a long and healthy life.

I see a man
who has known tragedy.

I see a man
who doesn't do housework.

Please, be seated.
- Thank you.

And tell me, why have you come

to consult with madame lepard?

I'm looking for someone.

- Yes! Yes!
- I'm beginning to see.

I'm... I'm sensing a... A...

A beautiful woman... A...
A wife, perhaps?

Or a lover.

Actually,
it's a 12-year-old boy.

It's not for me to judge.

His name is Rudy.

He's a kid who lives
in this neighborhood,

and it's very important
that I find him.

I'm sure it is.

But the spirits don't seem
to be cooperating... Officer!

Officer? No, no, no, look,
I'm not a policeman.

I'm... I'm a doctor.
This is not a trick.

The boy's sick and he needs
treatment right away.

I don't know
why you're telling me this.

Like I told the other cop,
I don't know the kid.

I'm not a cop, damn it!
What's the matter with you?

Do I look like a cop?

Does Columbo...?
Does the hat squad?

I see I'm wasting my time here.

But if that boy
doesn't get help,

he's gonna suffer
permanent harm.

That's not
from any crystal ball, lady.

That's gonna happen.

You think
he's telling the truth?

What am I? A mind-reader?

I put the word out
all over the neighborhood.

I even said there'd be a $20
reward for anyone who finds him.

Twenty dollars?
You think that's enough?

Are you kidding? For $20,
he's liable to turn himself in.

Harry, we've done
as much as we can for now.

We might as well
call it a night.

Go on.

You go on home. I'm gonna
stick around for a while.

I'll lock up.

- Okay. Good night.
- Good night.

I heard you wanted to see me.

Jesus, Rudy! I've been
looking all over for you!

Look, man, I can explain
about the furniture.

I don't care
about the furniture.

Yeah, that's what Eddie,
the fence, said.

Rudy, you're sick.

Those tests I ran on you
show that you have an illness.

That's why you've been
getting tired so much.

Yeah, I knew
I wasn't feelin' right.

So can you give me a pill
or somethin'?

It's not that simple.

You're gonna have to go
to the hospital

just for a couple of days
and you'll probably

have to give yourself sh*ts.
I can teach you how.

Whoa, whoa! You're gonna
teach me how to sh**t up?

No, come on!

No, it's medicine!

How long will I have to
take these sh*ts?

Possibly the rest of your life.

Man, you're crazy! I don't
want nothin' to do with this.

You've got to, Rudy!

And what if I don't?
Will I die?

I'm not afraid of dying.

Alright, you're not
afraid of dying.

How about losing your legs?

How about going blind?

Because if you let this go,
that could happen.

You're just trying to scare me.

Yeah, I'm trying to scare you,

but I'm also telling you
the truth.

This is a complicated disease,

but I can help you
if you let me.

I don't need help!
I can take care of myself!

Wait, Rudy! Come here!

Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!

By the way, I talked
to the catalog people,

and they said they can delivery
our furniture in two weeks.

Okay.

This whole thing with Rudy
has been very upsetting.

I know, dear,
but I'd appreciate it

if you wouldn't phone your
therapist when we're in the car.

It wasn't even her therapist.
She got a wrong number.

And how come you were talking
for 20 minutes?

He was willing to listen.

All right.

My god!

We've been... Unrobbed.

I don't believe it. Rudy...
Rudy brought everything back.

Yay.

I'm gonna go check the kitchen.

Hey, doc.

Hi, Rudy, I got your note.
I'm glad you're here.

What changed your mind?

I got to thinkin'.

You were right.

I'm feelin' worse and worse.

I'm scared.
You still wanna help me?

Yeah.
I still wanna help you.

Get in here. All right.

Sergeant Fletcher.

A cop? What is this?
I trusted you!

- Wait, Rudy...
- You screwed me over!

Rudy, listen to me!
Pay attention to me here!

What I'm worried about

is that as soon as
you start feeling better

you're gonna take off again!
You can't do that!

You need supervision.

This is too important
to take a chance!

What's gonna happen to me?

We're gonna take you
to the juvenile facility

at the county hospital.
- It's the best thing for you.

You'll get all the care
and attention you need there.

- But I don't wanna go!
- I'll go with you!

I'll come visit you every day

to make sure
you're doing all right.

I don't want you to come
with me.

I don't want anything to do
with you.

Come on, get me outta here.

Hey.

You're supposed to be my doctor.

Are you comin' with me or not?

Come on.

My liver?

Normal.

My kidneys?

Perfect.

My EKG?

Negative.

Here, excuse me...

Hold on right there.
Just a moment.

Hello.

Yeah, hold on, yes, yes...
Mr. Garrison...

It's your mechanic.

How's my brakes?

My carburetor?

My distributor?

Yeah.

My hub caps?