03x22 - What's Eating You?

[bunniefuu]

Life goes on and so do we just how we do it is no mystery One by one we fill the days We find a thousand different ways Sometimes the answer can be hard to find that's something I will never be I'm always here for anything that you need Rain or shine I'll be the one to share it all as life goes on We share it all as life goes on
- Barbara, don't eat that.


- Why? They told us not to eat anything for 12 hours before our physical.

Big deal.

I don't even want the stupid physical.

It's just a grape.

Just a grape? Isn't it always just a grape? No, sometimes it's just two grapes.

Barbara!
- Morning, girls.


- Daddy, guess who just had two grapes before her physical.

Daddy, this exam is a waste of time.

I'm not gonna go through with it.

Barbara, don't start with me again.

Please, I don't know why you always fight me on this, dear.

It's important that you girls see a doctor once a year.

I saw a doctor this year.

That's because you were sh*t.

Daddy, I get a complete physical every year.

That's right.

Come on, I know.

Why can't you be more like your sister? This is my third bottle of water.

I'm gonna be able to fill that jar when they ask me.

Well, maybe not exactly like her.

Good morning, westons.

Hey, no breakfast? What's going on here? The girls are getting their physical today, Charles.

Can't eat.

Physicals? Oh, that should be good for you, Carol.

A man is finally going to touch you.

Look, Carol, I'm just gonna leave and meet you at the doctor's.

Ah, ha, ha, ha.

Come on, I know that trick.

Barbara, you're not getting out of this physical.

Barbara, I know just how you feel.

You know, the last doctor I saw told me a couple of dumb jokes and gave me some lame advice and then mailed me a bill which I threw in the trash.

By the way, Harry, thanks for not sending that collection agency after me.

You know, I can save you gals a lot of time, trouble and money with this physical thing.

What are you talking about, Charley? Well, let me put it this way.

Doctor dietz is in.

Let me put it in another way.

Doctor dietz is out.

Don't touch me, I'm sterile.

God, I hope so.

Oh, good
-bye, my little sweetheart.

Now, remember.

Kitty cat doesn't like the jacuzzi.

All right, I'll see you.

Bye, bye, dear.

Oh, Laverne, we're out of those bandages.

The ones I like, you know, the ones with the little stars and Crescent moons on them.

Oh, you mean the star bright line, yeah.

I'm afraid they discontinued those, doctor.

What? No, they can't do that.

I love them.

You know, the first time I used one of those I was in medical school.

Well, now, does that go back a ways.

Tell me, what was hippocrates really like? Gee, you know, I treated a generation of kids with those bandages.

In a world where everything seems to change, it was only comforting to know that my star brights were constant.

Besides, I had my routine all worked out with the kids, you know.

Star line, star bright, your ouch will disappear tonight! Whoosh! Yeah, you hear that two or three million times, it just keeps a
-gettin' funnier.

Yeah, it's Thank you, Laverne.

Hello, Haskell hospital supplies? Yeah, I need to get some more of them star bright bandages.

Yeah, I know they're discontinued, but listen, they mean a lot to my doctor Weston and I'm here to see he gets what he wants.

Well, how many warehouses are they? That many.

All right, let's start with Florida.


- Hi, Barbara.


- Hi, daddy.

Daddy, did you bring home the results of the physical?
- Yes, sweetheart, I did.


- Well, where are they? It's Carol, will you just stop? Carol, just sit down, dear, and relax.

Sit down and relax? Oh, my god, I know what that means.

Something's wrong.

Carol, it's, it's not all that bad, but there is a pre
-ulcerous condition.

An ulcer, I knew it, I knew I had an ulcer.

Even now I can feel the acid churning inside of me, splashing against the walls of my stomach.

Carol, it's not you, it's Barbara.

I knew it.

I have an ulcer? No, it's not an ulcer yet, dear, it's just the beginning signs, and if you eat properly and avoid stress, it'll go away.

But you must have had stomach pains, why didn't you tell me? Daddy, if I told you every time something was bothering me, I'd sound like Carol.

Daddy! Oh, all right, all right.

Step one, here.

First thing, we put you on a bland diet.

Your sister Carol's gonna be of great help here.

Sweetheart, you're wonderful in the kitchen, and you're an expert in health and nutrition.

You're right, daddy.

I have a special gift.

And I will share it with you, my stricken sibling.

Daddy Carol, there's no getting around it.

That Is nauseating.

Now step two, you're gonna take some time off from that job of yours.

What does my police work have to do with this? Stress, dear, the job is full of stress and stress is a major factor in creating ulcers.

Daddy's right, Barbara.

Now many times I come home from a hard day at work practically doubled over with stress.

Carol, you work in a library.

How stressful is "shh"? More than you could ever know.

All right, sweetheart, now call your lieutenant now, you can start your vacation tomorrow.

Daddy, I don't wanna take time off from work now.

All right, fine, then I'll call your lieutenant and I'll advice him about your condition.

No, don't do that, they'll take me off the streets and I'll be riding a desk.

Then it's up to you, dear.

You take a week off from work right now and I won't say anything to your lieutenant.

All right, you win.

Ah, that's my girl, my little sweetheart.

Now you'll see, baby, I'm telling you, a week at home's gonna do wonders for you.

Don't worry, Barbie Barb.

Big sister's here for you.

Before you know it, that tear in your stomach lining will be healed by the enveloping warmth of my love.

Daddy! Carol, nauseating.

Jeez! Oh, excuse me, I'm here to see someone named Tony about some bandages.

Thank you.

Excuse me, are you Tony? What I am is on my break.

Oh, I'm really sorry to bother you, but, you know, I have been goin' to every warehouse in this city trying to locate the star bright bandages and it would mean a lot to me and my doctor if you could help me get I said I'm on my break.

Why don't you come back at 5:30? Oh, and you'll talk to me then? No, I'll be gone.

Okay! That does it! Stop it, lady! I'm scared of heights! Well, you oughta think happy thoughts, 'cause you a
-flyin' now, tinker bell.

Lady, I'm not kidding, I'm getting real panicky up here.

Well, it seems you and I have a little problem.

Now what are we gonna do about it? Okay, bring me down and I'll tell you what you wanna now.

Now that's mighty reasonable of you.

Goin' down.

Next door, lingerie, housewares, men's apparel Me.

Now about them bandages Okay, let me check.

The star bright bandages.

Look like the last box was shipped out a couple of hours ago.

Well, no! Maybe I can hit it off at the pass.

Where's it a
-goin'? By now it's on a plane to Hungary.

Boo
-boos in Budapest? Well, that was my last hope.

What am I gon' do now? Oh, daddy, can't we watch something else? These nature shows, we've been watching them all week.

Oh, come on, honey, now just pay attention.

And how the flamingo maintains its balance while sleeping on one foot will perhaps always remain a mystery.

That was good and relaxing.

Informative, huh? Shall we get a transcript?
- Nah, okay.


- Oh, good, hill street's on.

Ah! Barbara, no! You're trying to avoid stress.

I think you can find a less violent show.

We'll skip that one.

Look, that man is skydiving.

Shouldn't that chute have opened by now? Let's just kind of move on here.

That's a pretty building.

Well, at least nobody got hurt.

Help, I'm on fire! Well, that was fun, huh? Snacks for the ill.

Oh, god.

We've got bean curd soup, poached eggs and rice cakes.

Yuck! Daddy! For the last week, all I've done is put aside my own needs so as to better nurture Barbara.

And all she's done is tease me and ridicule me.

All right, sweetheart, I know.

I understand.

You just had Barbara's interest at heart.

Barbara, your sister went through a lot of trouble.

Don't you think you'd like to eat some of that? Okay.

Mmm.

Good.

Ow.


- What is it?
- My stomach.


- Is it acting up?
- Yeah, a little.

Now, Barbara, I warned you about making calls to your police station behind my back.

I haven't been.

Then you were sneaking junk food when I wasn't looking.

Carol, you're always looking.

Barbara, this doesn't make any sense.

You've even eating properly, keeping mind off your work, what was all this stress coming from? You've done nothing for the past week but stay home with your sister and your father.

So the stress that's causing Barbara's ulcer is something happening right here at home.

It's all my fault.

It's me.

Me, me, me, me, me.

Carol, Carol, don't be silly, it's not you.

Oh, good.

Then it must be you, daddy.

Well, let's not be so hasty, dear, I mean, it could be dreyfuss.

Daddy, I bet I know what it is.

It's the pressure Barbara feels from the intellectual disparity between her and me.

No, that's not it.

No, you know what could be? That she's still mad at me because of my reaction when she entered the police academy.

No, daddy, that's not it.

I think sweetheart, excuse us, all right? Please, we're trying to figure out what it is that's causing your ulcer.


- Sorry.


- Anyway, listen, dear think Carol, come on.

If we, we can figure out what Wait a minute, did I just tell Barbara not to butt in on a conversation about her ulcer? Oh, I don't know, daddy, I was something else, what was it? Oh, yes.

Me.

Listen to us, listen to us.

No wonder Barbara is getting an ulcer.

We never give her any room to, to express her feelings.

You're right, daddy.

I mean, that and the intellectual disparity must be awful for her.

It's hard on all of us dear.

Poor Barbara, I'll go get her.

No, no, no, no, no, dear.

No, wait, sit, wait.

I think this is more our problem than is hers.

I mean, we're gonna have to change things around here so she feels comfortable enough to say what's on her mind.

Well, I'm willing to do whatever it takes, daddy.

Good, girl, because for openers, you're gonna have to start focusing a little less on yourself.

Why is it again we want to do this? Your sister's health.

All right.

I can do this, daddy.

Good girl, because that'll free me up to pay a little more attention to Barbara's needs.

This is not gonna be difficult.

No.

And all we have to do is just radically change the way we've been relating to each other for the past 28 years.

Here she comes.

Now remember, give her a lot of room
- to express herself.


- Right.


- Morning.


- Morning! Are you guys okay? We're fine.

How are you?
- Pretty good.


- Wait a minute, pretty good? Is it something you wanna tell us, dear? I mean, come on, don't, don't hold back.

No.

Pretty good.


- It's just that
- Both: Yes? It's not important.

Not important? Sweetheart, whatever you're feeling is very important to the two of us.

Well, I was just gonna say
- Yes?
- Yes? That all my tennis balls are dead.

Daddy, did you hear that? The whole can? Isn't it interesting that even tennis balls die? Well, I guess I've always been fascinated with death, even before I could walk But never mind about that.

I wanna hear about Barbara's tennis balls.

All right, what the hell is going on around here? Well, just nothing, dear.

Carol and I here, we had a little talk and we realized that We don't give you the opportunity to, like, really express yourself.

But whatever you wanna say right now we're here to listen.

Okay.

She must be all talked out.

Bellkirk medical incorporated, hold the line, please.

Ah, excuse me.

May I help you? Yes, my name is Laverne Todd and I'm here to see the president of this company.

Well, Mr.

Davidson is in a meeting right now.

Is he expecting you? No.

But, you see, I drove all the way here to Atlanta from Miami to see him.

I'm sorry.

Look, I know your job is to take care of your boss just like my job is to take care of my boss.

I know I'm asking you to bend the rules, but it's only because I'd do anything for my Dr.

Weston.

Just like I know you'd do anything for your Mr.

Davidson.

I hate Mr.

Davidson.

Would it help if I told you I's here to chew him out?
- First door on the right.


- Thank you.

Thank you.

Now then, turning our attention to the fourth quarter
- Hi, y'all, sorry to interrupt.


- Who are you? Well, the name's not important.

Laverne Todd.

We're in the middle of a meeting here.

Yes, I know you are, but I have one simple request: I'd like for you to start makin' them star bright bandages again.

How did you get in here? Check it out.

So, what about them bandages? Miss Todd, I'm glad you appreciate our product.

I think you're gonna like the new line even more.

Camouflage bandages with little grenades on them.

Kids love grenades.

Oh, listen, I know you're businessmen and that star bright line was a
-probably losing money.

As a matter of fact, it did quite well.

Then why would you change it? We have one of the best marketing departments in the business.

Their research indicated that people are ready for something new.

Now, did you ever consider putting up that new line and keepin' the old one? Of course they did.

Check it out.

And kids don't like grenades.

That's not true.

Check it out.

Listen, my doctor has been using those bandages for over 30 years.

And if he loves them that much, I have to believe that they's a whole lot of other doctors feel the same way.

Not a chance.

Check it out.

Listen, you take that star bright line off the market, and they may be a lot of doctors whose business you're gonna lose.

Well, looks like it's just you and me.

So let's talk.

Now, you look like reasonable man But the most interesting part of my dream was when this oh, here comes Barbara now.

Stifle those dreams.

But I'm about to tell you
-
- stifle! Hi.

Sorry it took so long, the video store was crowded.

And? And I waited in line.

And? And I got mad.

Yes! Carol, I'm tired.

I just wanna watch the movie.

But, Barbara, you can't stop now, you're about to have a breakthrough daddy.

Barbara, your sister's right, dear.

I think that crowd at the video store got you a whole lot more than you're willing to let on.

This is a perfect chance for you to try venting your feelings.

You really wanna know how I feel, huh? It's what we're here for, sweetheart.

Just let it all out.

I can't take this anymore! You two are driving me crazy! Always asking me how I feel.

You wanna know how I feel? I would like it to go back to the way it was before.

When you were whiny, and you always seemed to have your arm around her.

And you know something else? What is it, sweetheart? My stomach feels better.

That's because you're getting all these cramped
-up feelings out, that's gonna help keep you from getting an ulcer.

Well, good.

Then that's the way it's gonna be from now on.

I'll stay the way I am, you two stay the way you are, and every once in a while, I'll really let you have it.

How does that sound, whiny? Fine, Barbara.

Good.

What about you? Well, that's just fine with me, dear.

Great.

I'll just go upstairs, watch my movie, and go to bed.

Sleep well, sweetheart.

I'll do what I want.

Well, I think that went pretty well.

Did you hear what she said to me, daddy? I think that was very hurtful.

Especially after all I've done for her.

Oh, don't worry, sweetheart, someday the right guy will come along.

What? Sorry, sometimes I just shift into a*t*matic.

Okay, Laverne, who's next? Maria Campbell, room one.

Booster sh*t.

Thank you.

Wait a minute, doctor.

I think you might be needin' one of these.

Ah, ha! Laverne, my star brights.

It's fantastic.

How'd you find them? Oh, you know, usual leg work.

I hope you didn't go to too much trouble.

Oh, it's no trouble, doctor, no trouble at all.

Thanks.