06x20 - The Science Project

[bunniefuu]

WOMAN: ♪ Set in my ways ♪

♪ Losing track of the days ♪

♪ Only me to live for ♪

♪ Had no need to give more ♪

♪ Than I wanted to ♪

MAN: ♪ Spending my time just holding the line ♪

♪ Never getting caught up ♪

♪ Love was never brought up ♪

♪ It's not the thing to do ♪

BOTH: ♪ Ooh ♪

♪ It was you ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ You made me leap without taking a look ♪

♪ Ooh ♪♪ It was you ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ You reeled me right in, line, sinker, and hook ♪

♪ Never thought forever was the best I could do ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ It was you and me and you ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ It was you and me and you ♪

♪ It was you and me and ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

[ Door rattles ]

Oh, hi, Frieda.

How'd you know it was me?

Oh, it was either you or the library threw up.

You want a sandwich?

No, thanks, Web. I'm in training.

For what? Book lifting?

Very funny. I'm prepping for the science fair.

It's only a few days away, you know.

I know.

How's your project coming along?

Great.

All I have to do is add the jelly

and then cut off the crust.

I was referring to your science fair project,

not feeding your face.

Oh, well, I'm not entering.

Not entering? Unbelievable.

What would the world be like today

if Thomas Edison had this attitude?

Dark.

Frieda, well, what's the point?

Every year, Joy makes a volcano,

Sheila makes something disgusting out of mold spores,

and you win. Why enter?

Webster, winning isn't everything.

You know, to get into college,

it's gonna take a lot more on your record

than the clean locker award three weeks in a row.

I don't care if it was .

A clean locker never gets you into Harvard.

I'll tell you what.

Enter and I'll arrange for you to meet Mr. Science.

Wait. The Mr. Science?

As in the guy who can make an electric guitar

out of a dry cell and a beaker of water?

Right. And this year's winner gets to be on his show,

which he's doing right at our school.

All right!

So tell me, what should I do for a project?

I mean, all the good ideas are taken.

Don't be silly. Science knows no bounds.

I'm doing mine on

the electrolytic dissociation of water through solar energy.

Don't breathe a word of this to anybody.

Your secret's safe with me.Good.

It's exciting research that could yield important results.

The electrolytic dissociation of water using solar energy

will open up a whole new frontier.

Frieda... can I ask you something?

Sure.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about a process that could, in theory,

produce hydrogen for future use as an energy source.

Doesn't that inspire you to do something really colossal?

Yeah.

I'll suck an egg into a bottle.

Webster, I think you could handle

something a little bit more complex than that.

Two eggs?

One egg...

and two bottles.

[ Knock on door ]

[ Blows nose ]

Come in.

I came as soon as I got the message.

What's up?

Tragedy has struck, Webster.

Did Michael Jordan sprain an ankle?

I'm talking about real tragedy.

Maybe even beyond tragedy. Maybe even cataclysmic.

Webster...

I have the flu.

That's it?

Oh, Frieda, trust me. You'll live.

Obviously, the significance of my illness is lost on you.

The flu means no school and no science fair.

And no fair

means no Mr. Science.

Oh, no. Did you see a doctor?

Yes, and I'm confined to my bed all week,

and it's all the fault of those stupid mixo virus organisms.

They never were my favorite either.

Just think -- months of work wasted.

Worst of all, that little creep Jason Linderhoff

will probably win with his dumb laser beam.

[ Coughs ]

Hey, uh, why don't you cough on Jason Linderhoff?

Then stupid Jesse Ramos would win.

It's hopeless.

Webster, do you mind?

Listen...[ Coughs ]

I have an idea.

Why don't I enter your project for you?

You already have a project.

Aren't you doing that demonstration

on the Titanic and air pressure?

Yeah.

But if you show me how your project works,

I'll enter both of ours.

Excellent idea.

Hard to believe it wasn't mine.

I just got lucky.

I'm just doing this

because I know how much meeting Mr. Science means to you.

It means everything, Webster.

Mr. Science does more for me with a beaker

than Tom Cruise can with a smile.

You are sick.

Very nice. Thank you.

Thank you.

"Static electricity."

[ Indistinct conversations ]

What have we here?

Good.

Good. That's very...

yellow.

Webster, very nice.

You're cooking a can?

No, Mr. Abruzzo.

It's like that television special about the Titanic.

Just the facts, Webster, please.

Let's keep it moving right along

so the science fair doesn't run over

into our Pan American Day assembly.

Right. Now...

No one could go down there because of the water pressure.

This is the same principle, only with air pressure.

[ Can thuds ]

Before I can pour water over it...

[ Thud ]it starts to make sounds.

And then it'll start to...[ Thud ]

cave in.

Now. See?

Very good.

Very good.

Excellent demonstration and application

of basic principle.

Great. And I think you did an excellent job

judging basic principle.

A simple "thank you" would've sufficed.

Well, I guess all that's left is the...Gafky Apparatus?

Hi, Mr. Abruzzo.

Webster, the rules say only one project per student.

Uh, this is Frieda's.

See, she has the flu, so I'm helping her out.

Uh, I see. Very well. Please begin.

"Producing hydrogen through

"the electrolytic dissociation of water

"via solar power -- by Frieda Gafky.

Webster, be sure that dope Abruzzo is paying attention."

Now...

When I stick this into the hydrogen,

we'll hear a pop.

That's hydrogen exploding.

[ Blows air ]

Well?

[ Knock on door ]

Come in.

Hi.Where's my blue ribbon?

How are you feeling?

[ Sneezes ]

Lousy.

Fahrenheit. Celsius.

That tell you anything?

Sure. That you can be a weather person in Europe.

[ Singsongy ] I got you flowers.

Well, thank you.

Being a good loser is just as important

as being a good winner.

Ah-choo!

Get these weeds away from me.

I'm allergic.

So when do I meet Mr. Science?

Uh, Frieda, I have something to tell you.

What happened?

[ Mutters ] You didn't win.

Oh, no.

I have fever, can't breathe, and now I've gone deaf.

You didn't win.

Impossible.Possible.

Don't tell me.

Linderhoff got his dumb laser beam to work this year?

[ Sneezes ]

No. It fell on the floor and melted Mrs. Shapiro's purse.

Then it had to be

that little brownnose Becky Sue Krasnow.

I heard rumors she was working

on a portable subatomic particle accelerator.

It wasn't Becky.

She was reading palms in a gypsy costume.

Then who? Oh, please.

Not that fat kid with the sock stuck to his sweater.

No.

Well, there just isn't anyone else.

Yes, there is --

me.

You won? You?

Oh. I get it. This is a joke.

You come in here with my ribbon

and pretend you won instead of me.

Very good, Webster. Ha ha ha. That's rich.

Give me that ribbon!

Frieda, I won first prize.

For what? Collapse the can? That silly parlor trick?

That insult to the word "science"?

I'm sorry, Frieda. Yours...just didn't work.

Impossible. My figures were perfect.

You must've screwed up.

I did exactly what the card said.

I even pointed when I was supposed to.

Did you remember to keep your eyes open during the experiment?

Thanks for nothing, Webster.

Wait a minute. You're not mad at me for winning, are you?

Mad? No, I'm not mad.

Good.

I'm furious! I'm burning up. I want blood.

It's all so clear now.

You wrecked it on purpose, didn't you?

What?

Don't play innocent with me.

You've been dying to get your paws

on my poor, unsuspecting Gafky Apparatus

to sabotage me and have Mr. Science all to yourself.

Of all the sneaky...

lowdown...

Wait a minute, Frieda. That's not true.

I didn't --Out! Out of my house!

But look, I'm telling you, I didn't do it.

I never wanna be in the same room

or share the same oxygen with you again.

Hey, you know, I thought we were friends.

I get more loyalty from my pet paramecia.

good-bye.

good-bye.

[ Sneezes ]

Gesundheit.

[ Door closes ]

[ Telephone rings ]

Yes?Hello, Frieda? It's me.

I've got great news.

You're calling from an airplane

that went down in he Amazon jungle

and you're surrounded by a tribe of bloodthirsty cannibals.

George has lunch with Mr. Science

every day at the TV station.

He can get you on his show with me. Isn't that great?

[ Flatly ] A thrill.

Come on.

Weren't you the one who said

next to owning your own Bunsen burner,

meeting Mr. Science was your dream of dreams?

Yeah, but not by serving as

some dirty project wrecker's assistant.

Listen, maybe if you explain to Mr. Science what happened,

he'll let you try your experiment over.

Sounds like begging, and I don't beg.

If you got to beg, at least you get to beg Mr. Science.

Well...all right.

Great!

But I want you to know, Webster Long,

the only reason I'm doing this is to clear my name.

Uh, does this mean you're still mad at me?

I'll take that as a "yes."

And now...

When I pour water over the can --

I mean, Titanic --

it will make noise...

[ Can thuds ]

And cave in.

[ Thudding ]

Excellent! Excellent!

Kids, let's hear it

for Webster Long and his collapsing can!

All right! [ Laughs ][ Applause ]

You know, Webster, nothing tickles me more

than a good air pressure demonstration.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Science.

And I'd also like to thank my good friend for all her help.

Ooh. Yeah. How about a nice hand for the lovely assistant?

[ Applause ]

I deserve more than a nice hand, Mr. Science.

I deserve the blue ribbon.

Oh. Now, now. Let's not get our molecules all in an uproar.

[ Lowered voice ] Mr. Science...

That's Frieda. Remember?[ Gasps ]

Oh! Right.

The bitter little girl whose hydrogen didn't pop.

It pops if you do it right.

Well, let's try it and see. Huh? Come on.

Keep your eyes open, Webster.

You're about to see some real science.

Now if I understand it, this ambitious project of yours

is designed to produce hydrogen fuel from water

using solar power to drive the reaction?

That's right, Mr. Science.

The sun's ray are collected by the photoelectric cells,

and electrons are carried by a wire to the cathode.

Electricity then breaks down the water

into hydrogen and oxygen.

Ohh! Isn't that something?

Kids, let's hear it for the exciting,

unpredictable world of hydrogen!

Aw, yeah!

[ Applause ]

Now I will establish the presence of hydrogen

with a burning splint, held by my lovely assistant.

That's me![ Chuckles ]

Now when the splint ignites the hydrogen,

that's when we'll hear a pop. Correct?

That's correct.

Okay, kids. Hold on. Here we go![ Blows air ]

Did it pop?

No, not yet.

[ Clicks lighter ]

[ Blows air ]

Now did it?No.

And I'm afraid that it never will.

What? I don't understand.

Boys and girls,

Frieda's mistake was in her choice of solar energy.

Now in theory,

yes, this experiment could produce hydrogen.

However, with photocells like these,

well, I'm afraid we'd need

a solar panel as big as the roof!

[ Chuckles ]

But I checked all my formulas.

But did ya ever get it to pop in practice?

Practice? Me? Why would I need to practice?

Oh! But a theory must work in practice, too.

Well, gosh,

if the Wright Brothers never tried their plane first...

[ Sighs ] Well, let's just say that our airports would be

a lot less congested today.

But...Kids, remember,

you can learn as much from your mistakes as your triumphs.

Well, that's it for now,

but tune in next week when we take a a closer look

at the wonderful world of cork.

Until then, this is Mr. Science saying bye-bye,

happy experimenting,

and keep your beakers bright and your Bunsens burning.

bye-bye!

[ Applause ]

And...cut!

Well, nice job, Webster.

You, too, Frieda.

Frieda?

What happened to Frieda?

I think maybe her molecules are in an uproar.

Hey, Webster,

if you see a couple of spiders crawling around,

don't squish 'em. They're mine.

Okay, Neil.

Hi, Frieda.

Hello.

Are you okay?

Of course. Why shouldn't I be?

I don't mind be humiliated by my hero

in front of my classmates, my teachers,

and the entire Chicago metropolitan area.

You're taking this much better than I thought.

No, Webster, I'm not upset.

I'll just pack up my equipment, go home,

and ask my parents to transfer me to a new school.

I don't think they get "The Mr. Science Show"

in Holland.

Are you embarrassed because you made a mistake?

Everybody makes mistakes.

Well, almost everybody.

Webster, my project was perfect, brilliant.

Then that stupid Mr. Science tells me

my solar panel's no good.

I'll never be able to show my face around here again.

Well, why not?

Look around. Has anyone said anything to you?

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Is anybody pointing and laughing?

No.

Well --I don't fail well, Webster.

Who does?Artie Cooper.

Well, besides Artie.

No one, I guess.

For it's worth, I like you just as much as before.

Really?Really.

Frieda, remember,

Mr. Science says you can learn from your mistakes.

I guess I was kind of a pain in the neck this week.

No --Don't interrupt.

I don't apologize well either.

Sorry.

I had no right to accuse you of wrecking my experiment.

Apology accepted.

I'm not finished.

See...I like to get my own way.

I hate to be wrong, so I blamed you.

Are you done now?

Not quite. Look, as unlikely as it is,

if I should ever make another mistake,

I promise I'll take the blame. Deal?

Deal.

A spider![ Smack ]

You k*lled my spider!

He did it.

[ Theme music playing ]