♪ Losing track of the days ♪
MAN: ♪ Never getting caught up ♪
♪ Love was never brought up ♪
BOTH: ♪ It's not the thing to do ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ It was you ♪
♪ Then came you ♪
♪ You made me leap without taking a look ♪
♪ Never thought forever was the best I could do ♪
♪ Then came you ♪
♪ It was you and me and you ♪
♪ Then came you ♪
♪ It was you and me and ♪
♪ Then came you ♪
I'm really looking forward to it.
Yes, thank you.
Goodbye.
Aaaah! Whoo! Whoo-hoo!
This is the best day!
[ Laughing ]
Katherine? I got the tape.
"The Royal Canadian Mounted Police Workout."
Oh! [ Laughs ]
I guess you didn't hear me knock.
You were too busy getting down and being funky, huh?
I have the best news!
[ Exhales sharply ]
Harrison Winslow of the board of education is dead.
Well, I-I-I mean I'm deeply grieved.
I feel that you expressed that in the dance.
No, see, you don't understand.
Um, he may have left me his seat.
But I thought you could only donate corneas and hearts.
Oh, I'm talking about his seat on the board of education.
You mean your old mentor finally came through?
Yes! Poor old darling had to die to do it,
but he knew that I'd always wanted to be in politics.
[ Chuckles ]
When I was a little girl, I used to, you know,
shake hands with all my stuffed animals
and pretend that they'd elected me president of the yard.
Well, the board of education is a political beginning.
When do you start?
Start? I have to be elected first.
Oh, but, um, some people I know from the City Council
are stopping by tonight.
Of course, they're aware of my background as an ombudsperson,
and...I think they're gonna ask me to run!
[ Chuckling ] Oh!
That calls for a campaign slogan.
Oh, yes.
How about, uh,
"When education's...
"When education's leakers --
"When education leaks are sprung,
patch it up with Calder-Young"?
Don't give up your day job.
KATHERINE: My boys.
You look stunning.
GEORGE: What do we look stunning for?
Oh ho ho, you'll know soon enough.
And after our guests have left,
I'm going to take us out to dinner
at that wonderful Chez Ramon.
Wait, so can I take off my tie so I can swallow better?
Oh, nice move. No way.
I want you to look as gorgeous as you are
when the aldermen come.
[ Doorbell rings ]
Oh.
Hello, Dan! How are you?
Nice to see you. Hello, Katherine.
Can I take your coat?
Oh, I want you to meet my family.
Well, no need to introduce George Papadapolis.
Not to any of us who watch the five o'clock news.
Always nice to meet a viewer.
Dan Haber, th Ward.
Oh! You must be Webster, huh?
Oh, I must.
But I don't know how you recognized me in the tie.
[ Laughs ]
Well, uh, George and Webster,
I'd like you to meet Carol Travers
and, uh, Buddy Lesko.
Nice to meet you both.
I'm a big, big fan, George. Thank you.
Very nice to see you again, Katherine.
Oh, yes, nice to see you. Won't you...
Hey, bud. All right!
...all sit down?
And can I give anybody some coffee?
We have, uh --
Oh, we have French roast and mocha
and a Borneo blend that's kind of adventurous,
but, uh, not too threatening.
Oh, thanks. Maybe later.
We're really here to discuss a very important matter
with, uh, you, George, and, uh, Webster.
I knew this was important.
They don't make you wear dress shoes for nothing.
You know, with Harrison Winslow passing away,
we'd like to pick someone to take his place.
And, uh, we think we're close to finding that person who can.
LESKO: Yes, we did some research to help us determine
exactly what it is the voters are looking for.
Carol.
It indicates that they want
someone who's honest and reliable.
Someone who people know and can turn to.
Someone who will understand their problems.
You think Bill Cosby will do it?
[ People chuckling ]
I think they're looking for someone a little closer to home.
Yes, if -- if you've agreed on that someone,
[Chuckles] that someone would be foolish not to accept.
Exactly how we feel.
We need a person who realizes
this is an important responsibility
and is willing to live up to it.
So how about it?
George?
How could you go out to dinner
and pretend i-it was just a surprise?
I mean, you've devoted years to public service
and you are eminently more qualified.
Didn't you want to scream?
But...George was so happy.
Huh!
He had the same silly grin he gets
every time he catches a trout.
I guess it's the old boys' network.
Dan went on and on
about how the public sees him as a "regular guy,"
and they remember him from his playing days.
And then they trust him because they see him
on the TV news every night.
Well, you took it very well.
Well, I shed a lot of tears in my consommé.
But by the time Webster was finished
playing with his lobster, I realized that they'd...
they'd made a good choice with George.
Once he commits to something, he really gives %.
[ Chuckles ] Tell me about it.
I've played racquetball with that guy.
Are you two aware that the school system
could save thousands of dollars a year
just by changing the size of their paper clips? Huh?
See what I mean?
And that's nothing.
I mean, we could actually hire six more teachers
just by changing over to staples.
You've certainly done your homework.
Well, hello. Ooh, you look down.
Did they show "Old Yeller" in school again?
[ Chuckles ]
Worse.
We found out that we're not getting the new gymnasium.
And it was gonna have fold-out bleachers, too.
Gee, that's strange.
These board reports right here
say that the school's already been given that land.
How come there's a sign saying, future home of another
Doughnut/Dry-Cleaning/ Video Village?
I'll have to ask Dan about that.
After all, you are one of my constituents.
Is that good?
Oh, you bet it is.
If George is elected, he will be working for you.
Hey, I think I'm gonna like politics.
Heh heh!
Now, according to the demographics,
your best target audience
is parents of children in grades two through nine.
So we've scheduled you to speak
at Memorial School's Salute to Health Pageant.
Oh, that's a great program.
Webster had that one at his school.
He played Mr. Chips and Mr. Bran.
Mention that.
Let them know you have a school-age son.
Look, George, here's your schedule for next week,
and these are the topics you should cover in your speech.
That'll keep you pretty busy,
so, uh, we'll handle everything else.
Wow, this looks like I will be busy,
but there's a lot of things I can do, too.
That's good, George. Let's touch base every day.
Trust us -- You'll want to start slowly with these agendas.
It's a little overwhelming at first.
Yeah, I know, but there is something I want to --
Uh, j-just stick with us, George.
We're old pros at this, and we know the territory.
Believe me, we won't let you down.
You, uh, just rest up tonight
and, uh, we'll see you tomorrow at your press conference.
Yeah, and wear your blue suit and red tie, George.
And if you can, keep your right side to the camera.
Well, uh, there is a problem I'd like to talk about
right away if I can.
I don't think we can fit anything else
on your agenda right now.
Well, i-it's not a big deal.
You know that proposed gym site
over by Franklin Cooper Elementary School?
Yes.
There's a developer
that wants to put a mini mall in there,
and I wonder whether or not you can help me check that out.
Oh, um, well, that -- that's, uh --
That's very interesting, George.
Uh, I'll tell you what --
Um, I'll see if I can't get somebody on that, huh?
Well, I think it could be
a very, very big issue in our campaign.
[ Chuckles ]
George, kiddo,
voters don't want to hear about
spending millions of tax dollars on a school gymnasium.
Demographics show that what they want
are better textbooks and student-teacher ratios.
What about exercise?
Well, I'll tell you, your interest is admirable, George,
but we need your manpower on the campaign,
not on some stray issue.
That's right. You have to work with us, George.
You got to be a team player.
I've been a team player all my life.
There's a few issues I'd like to do on my own.
Ma'am, it really was just a minor turning adjustment.
Are you sure you want to do that?
I -- Yeah, honey. Look, see?
Oh, I can't use...
This thing in here is loose,
so all I'm doing is just tightening it.
Okay, now, uh, I think that's perfect.
Why don't you give it a try?
[ Electricity crackling ]
Webster...
that is the most wonderful special effect!
Ma'am, this car doesn't have any special effects.
Oh. [ Coughs ]
Uh, well...
I don't think we should take work away
from unemployed toy fixers, do you?
This one's gonna need a toy hospital.
[ Door closes ]
Hello, everybody. I'm home.
WEBSTER: Hi, George.
Hi. Hi.
Oh, I see you've been trying to fix Web's car again, huh?
Well, I had a real interesting caucus.
It was exciting, it was, uh, political,
and it was, uh, short.
In a phrase, they dumped me.
[ Gasps ] Whoa.
That was a weird way to start off a campaign.
It turned out that they didn't really want me.
They wanted Pinocchio.
You mean that guy that sells peaches from a cart
on Rush Street?
No, sweetheart. The puppet.
They wanted George to be a front
so that they could just pull all his strings.
Well, that's not you, George.
You got that right.
And Katherine, you should've seen them squirm
when I started talking about that gym site.
Something stinks down there.
Anyway, on the way home, I was angry, then I was calm.
Then I was angry, then I was calm,
and then I said to myself, "Hey, wait a minute.
"I don't need them.
I can run on my own."
[ Telephones ringing ]
Hello, Papadapolis campaign, please hold.
Hello, Papadapolis campaign, please hold.
Hello, Papadapolis campaign, please hold.
Man, this is what I call power!
George.
Here's this memorandum on the summer-school changeovers.
And you've got to check out the Foley initiative,
and there's a federal survey on school cafeteria food,
but I think the brochure is back in here.
And here's your schedule for Saturday.
You're going to see the Kiwanis at :,
the Elks at :, and the Moose at :.
I can't see all those in three hours.
Which is bigger -- the Moose or the Kiwanis?
I've never danced with either one.
[ Laughs ]
Book the Moose.
It's North Side News, George.
They've got half-page ads for $.
bucks? See what you can get for $.
Okay. [ Telephone ringing ]
The parents' caucus on curriculum proposals
is on Monday at :.
Right there. Good. Good.
Okay? You see this? [ Gasps ]
Who booked -- Who booked us from : to
I did. I wanted to make a very special little
personal campaign contribution.
[ Doorbell rings ] Oops.
Newspaper said you've got an ad for $
in a little box right next to the horoscope.
Take it. You got it.
Uh, George, here are the pamphlets
that we ordered to have passed out.
Unfortunately, we didn't have enough money
and your picture's a little smaller than we had hoped.
I don't see my picture at all.
It's, uh, next to the city seal.
That's me?
Yes, under the state flag of Illinois.
I thought it was the state flower.
Everybody, can we take a five-minute break?
I want you to meet Ralph Duffy.
He and I used to work together down at City Hall,
and he's an investigator.
He's going to look into the school-gymnasium thing for us.
I enjoy chasing a scoundrel down every now and then.
I'm impressed. A real private eye.
Yes. Tell us what you've got for us.
I've got plenty.
In the matter of the school land being purchased
by the Doughnut/Dry-Cleaning/ Video Villages,
I started my investigation at : a.m.
in the city hall of records.
By noon, I'd found nothing,
so I broke for a high-fiber lunch.
And about : p.m. --
Duff? Duff?
Can we -- Can we get on with this?
I bet you're, uh, you're the kind of guy
that picks up a mystery novel
and turns right to the last page.
You know, I've seen George do that.
Well, after lunch, something suspicious
came up in the records,
so I called a buddy of mine who owes me a favor.
Once took a slug out of his butt with a crescent wrench.
I learned from my b*llet buddy
that about half of these
Doughnut/Dry-Cleaning/ Video Villages
are built on land that was originally set aside
for public projects.
Oh, we knew that. We were right.
Yes. That's fantastic.
What else do you have?
Else?
Yeah, you got to dig deeper than that, Duff?
We need -- We need more.
Yeah, we have to find out who's behind these malls,
and we need proof.
Relax, folks. Duffy's on the case.
Oh, Mr. P. --
I'd be careful out there campaigning if I were you.
These people we're up against, they're dangerous.
I know. I've eaten their doughnuts.
MAN: And this just in --
The final results for that board of education seat...
Here it is.
...with most of the vote tallied,
Chicago sportscaster George Papadapolis
has set a record for an independent candidate.
[ Laughing ] Ho ho! Oh!
However, his % is not enough to b*at his opposition,
Thornton Baldridge, who snatches this race
with a solid % of the vote.
[ Click ]
Are you okay, honey? Sure, I'm okay.
Gee, George, I'm sorry.
Me too.
[ Chuckling ] Sorry? There's nothing to be sorry about.
We took on a big, mean political machine, and we did real well.
You know, you're right.
% of the vote is nothing to sneeze at --
with no gimmicks, no budget, and honesty.
I never knew losing could be so great.
You know, I know this Baldridge character.
He's a nice, decent human being.
I think we should go and talk to him a little bit
about that gymnasium site.
[ Doorbell rings ]
Oh. Oh, that's probably a reporter.
Doesn't take them long.
Oh, Ma'am, it could be for me.
I ordered a victory pizza. Will I still be able to keep it?
Well, if it doesn't have anchovies and you'll share.
It's a deal. Okay.
Ralph?
It ain't over till the fat lady sings, folks.
I got info in here that can blow this election sky-high.
The trail ended in Jamaica,
and that's where I've been for the last three days.
Well, did you win any limbo contests?
A second and a third.
Not bad.
I've never done better than a fourth.
Well, first of all, you should know
I was able to keep expenses down.
I was flown there by a buddy who owes me a favor.
Once took a slug out of his butt with barbecue tongs.
Does the AMA know what you do?
It's all part of the game, Mrs. P.
Anyway, in Jamaica, I made contact with a key informant,
called in some markers,
picked up the goods, the skinny, the scam, the scoop,
the memo, the headline, the blab.
I came straight here from the airport.
Voilà.
Hmm.
You got it.
Look at this. He's got it.
You got it.
Oh, Ralph, you are wonderful!
You are weird, but you are the best.
I like that.
"Weird, but the best." [ Chuckles ]
Maybe I'll have that printed up on my business card.
Look, uh, if I were you folks,
I'd hold a press conference right away.
When the voters get to the polls tomorrow,
you're a shoo-in, pal.
Ralph... the election was today.
You're kidding me.
Sorry.
Look, I, uh -- I owe you people one.
If any of you ever gets sh*t in the butt, you look me up.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
I'll go find Baldridge.
Look at this spread, Web.
They spent more money on balloons
than we did on our whole campaign.
Wow! Look at that cake.
It has a giant map of Chicago on it.
You know, I bet I could eat the whole North Side.
Yes, but it's not our celebration.
However, that chocolate-mocha rose
in the middle of Lake Michigan looks mighty tasty.
Ah, Katherine, hello.
And with young, uh -- uh, Lester.
Webster.
[ Chuckling ] Uh, right, right!
Well, what a pleasant surprise seeing you.
Really?
Oh, it's surprising for a candidate and his family
to come and congratulate the winner?
Oh, so, George has come to, uh, congratulate Thornton?
Oh, we're all here to congratulate Thornton.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I would like to take this opportunity
to introduce a very worthy opponent --
George Papadapolis.
George.
Dan, you might enjoy this.
He's going to be very interesting.
Ladies and gentlemen, it was a hard-fought campaign,
but I can truthfully say, if I had to lose,
I'm pleased that the new seat on the board of education
will go to an honest and capable man --
Thornton Baldridge.
[ Applause ]
But sometimes, besides honesty, a little knowledge is helpful.
And I've got a little knowledge to impart to my worthy opponent.
Uh, well, thank you very much, George,
but, uh, we have about people here
to congratulate Thornton, so --
Let him speak!
Yeah! Come on! Let him speak!
Tell him about those Video Villages!
And tell him about my gymnasium!
Yeah, the gymnasium. Let's hear about that.
Let him finish, Dan. He deserves that much.
Yeah!Yeah! Yeah!Yeah!
I'll be brief. I'll be brief.
Ladies and gentlemen, seven school properties
have been snatched up and purchased
by Doughnut/Dry-Cleaning/ Video Villages.
It's a corporation that's really owned
by a foreign holding company called Halestra Incorporated.
[ Chuckling ] No, no, no, George.
George, this is no time to discuss issues, now.
Nor the place. No.
All right, all right.
All right, no more issues, just a word game.
What do you think "Halestra" stands for?
Haber, Lesko, and Travers?!
[ Crowd gasping ]
You got it.
[ Crowd murmuring ]
Well, my darling, I think this is some kind of major victory.
Then I guess we should celebrate?
What about diving into that...
Cake! Cake!
[ Theme song plays ]