05x18 - Dial K for Katherine

[bunniefuu]

WOMAN: ♪ Set in my ways ♪

♪ Losing track of the days ♪

♪ Only me to live for ♪

♪ Had no need to give more ♪

♪ Than I wanted to ♪

MAN: ♪ Spending my time just holding the line ♪

♪ Never getting caught up ♪

♪ Love was never brought up ♪

♪ It's not the thing to do ♪

BOTH: ♪ Ooh ♪

♪ It was you ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ You made me leap without taking a look ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ It was you ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ You reeled me right in ♪

♪ Line, sinker, and hook ♪

♪ Never thought forever was the best I could do ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ It was you and me and you ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ It was you and me and you ♪

♪ It was you and me and ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

Jerry: Now I know why they call it a swap meet.

I swapped the bottom of my foot for a blister.

Did you know?

There's a swap meet next week indoors at the bus barn.

[ Groans ]

Will George be home by then?

He's traveling with the hockey team all week.

He should have enough new swear words by then.

Good.

Then I will not have to spend another Sunday

haggling with old geezers in lawn chairs.

Oh, come on, now.

It was fun.

I mean, where else can you get a --

a wonderful treasure like this for bucks?

A treasure like that?

You don't even know what it is.

I do, too.

It's a...tool of some sort.

It's a link with a bygone era.

Well, I'm feeling a link with today's hot dogs.

I'm gonna go get myself a club soda.

Well, I'm gonna see if George called.

That's kind of neat.

GEORGE: Hi, sweetheart.

Just wanted to let you know

I landed safely in Montreal.

And you were right.

I should have packed the mukluks.

Love to you and the boys. [ Beep ]

He got to Montreal!

WEBSTER: Hi, Ma'am. Nicky and I are at the arcade.

We'll be home by :. [ Game beeping ]

Oh, wait. I just won a free game.

We might be a few minutes late.

[ Beep ]

JACKSON: Mrs. Papadapolis, this is William Jackson.

Now that I'm out of prison, I want to see you.

[ Beep, beep ]

Oh, my God.

You're feeling the hot dogs, too, huh?

Oh, no.

You know, next time, I am packing a lunch.

Um, no. Uh, listen to this.

[ Tape rewinds ]

WEBSTER: Oh, wait. I just won a free game.

We might be a few minutes late.

Katherine, you're overreacting.

At least the kids called. [ Beep ]

No, not that! This!

JACKSON: Mrs. Papadapolis, this is William Jackson.

Now that I'm out of prison, I want to see you.

You ordered a personalized license plate?

William Jackson was one of my toughest cases

when I was interning down at juvenile hall.

Oh!

He was a real hard-core g*ng member,

and it was my testimony

that sent him to a detention center for two years.

Oh, Katherine.

And on his way out of the courtroom,

he turned to me and vowed to get even.

Oh. Katherine.

What a time for George to be away.

And my mace just ran out.

I'm here and I can always bring my dog over.

Tartoof?

You mean the dog that hides when the phone rings?

No, I-I -- I'm sure that, you know,

it was just an empty thr*at from a kid

in a moment of great emotion two years ago.

I'm -- you know?

Nothing's gonna happen. It's gonna be okay.

You're probably right.

Where are you going?

Oh, I'm just gonna go put this in the sink.

Oh, I'll come with you.

What if Jackson had called when the kids were here?

And -- and what if they had given him our address?

And what if he came here when they were alone?!

And what if --

Hi, Ma'am.

Where have you been?!

You promised me that you would be home

a few minutes after :!

But it's only : now.

Exactly. You're early.

When you tell me that you are going to be home

a few minutes after :, that's when I expect you.

Okay. We promise never to be early again?

And I'm sorry I shouted.

I'm not angry.

It's just that I love you both very much

and if anything like this...

I mean, if anything ever happened to you,

I don't know what I'd do.

[ Muffled ] Ma'am, I can't breathe!

What?

Uh, l-listen.

I-I think what Katherine is trying to say

is that it's a very big city out there,

and you cannot be too careful.

Exactly.

So... [ Clears throat ]

Tomorrow after school,

I want you both to come straight home.

We're supposed to start art class tomorrow.

Art class at the center?

Perfect. Oh, they'd be safe there.

From what?

From...heavy... congested traffic

or a violent change in the weather, you know?

Ma'am, can we go upstairs now?

Oh, yes.

She was like this once before

when she tried to give up coffee.

[ Telephone ringing ] KATHERINE: Oh, great!

Great. Just perfect timing.

Oh, no! Four hours...

Oh, no!

[ Ringing continues ]

Just a minute!

[ Telephone ringing ]

Hello? Hello?

Hello?

I know it's you,

so why don't you just say something?

Hey, you done with that red paint?

Yeah. It's got a big old bug in it.

[ Chuckles ]

Ew! Talk about your grizzly deaths.

What happened to the flag?

Oh, I messed up.

So I changed it into a plate of spaghetti.

That explains the blue meatballs.

Hmm. Maybe I should start over.

Well, you better ask the teacher first.

Hey, Farad.

I messed up. Can I paint over this?

Sure thing. That's the creative process.

NICKY: What are you doing with that, Aunt Katherine?

Oh, I'm just polishing it.

It's, uh, something that I picked up at the swap meet.

Now, I think this is just a perfect example

of early-American craftsmanship.

It's an ordinary boot-scraper.

It's a what?

We had one on the farm.

It's used to scrape the barnyard off your shoes.

Hmm. Would you like it?

Oh, I'll even throw in the rag and the silver polish.

Thanks!

Okay. [ Gasps ]

[ Whispering ] Don't move!

I know that I locked that door when I came home today!

Um, Ma'am? Shh!

[ Whispering ] Ma'am. What?!

I opened the door.

[ Normal voice ] The gym teacher said

that I needed to air out my tennis shoes.

Well, be sure and thank him for me.

[ Telephone ringing ] I got it.

[ Normal voice ] No. Don't touch the phone.

It's my phone. It's on my desk.

I'll answer my phone.

Hello?

It's for you.

Hello?

Ma'am... are you all right?

Yeah, sure. Why?

NICKY: Thanks.

Well, nothing personal, but...

you've been acting kind of weird lately

and, well, Nicky and I are starting to worry about you.

Okay. [ Sighs ]

Well...a few years ago,

I was counseling this young man

who was in trouble with the police...

So that's what's going on.

I don't want you guys to get scared,

but I do want you both to be careful.

[ Sighs ]

Well, in a way, I'm kind of relieved.

I thought that Uncle George ran away

with Miss Maple Leaf or something.

[ Chuckles ]

If he had, I'd be making the threatening phone calls.

[ Doorbell rings ]

All right, I'm the man of the house.

I'll get it.

Well, aren't you gonna stop me? I'm only !

Don't look at me.

I'll get it.

Who is it? JERRY: It's me, Jerry!

Oh!

Wait! How do we know it's you?

What's your middle name?

Oh, Web!

It's him. He hates his middle name.

Katherine, I'd like you to meet Detective Baines.

Oh, as in police?

Well, I work out at Jerry's gym.

He mentioned your set of circumstances.

Uh-huh.

I thought he might help to put your mind at ease.

Oh.

So, maybe we should, uh, confab in the kitchen?

Yeah! Let's roll out.

Did you bring the mug sh*ts?

[ Chuckles ] They know?

Sure, they know. Won't you sit down?

So, you're a detective.

Well, you don't look like Don Johnson.

Real detectives don't wear linen.

[ Katherine laughs ]

You know, maybe I am blowing this whole thing

out of proportion.

Probably.

We find that in about % of these cases,

the, uh, perpetrators never follow through on their threats.

Oh, that's good to hear.

But it's that % that makes the paper.

Take this nut case in Seattle --

Figured a way into the house while the hubby was out of town.

I mean, that's one in a million, but...

How many houses have a dumbwaiter?

[ Gasps ]

Look, we're just talking about a guy

who made a couple of calls to the house.

Sure. Same as in Seattle.

But like I said,

% of the time, they're blowing hot air.

[ Chuckles ]

Well, it was nice meeting you folks.

Wait a minute! You're not leaving!

I mean, what if this guy is Mr. %?

Uh, w-w-w-what are you gonna do?

Well, now, what would you like me to do?

Arrest him.

Throw the book at him.

Don Johnson would.

Well, I can't.

Now, technically, he hasn't done anything.

[ Sighs ] Wait.

You come over and scare me and my family half to death,

and then you tell us that there's nothing you can do?

I mean, this is ridiculous.

[ Chuckling ] I'm a taxpayer.

I mean, you work for me. You're fired!

I'm sorry, Mrs. Papadapolis, but the law is the law.

Come on, Kevin.

I'll -- I'll give you a ride home.

[ Sighs ]

Uh, goodbye, Katherine. Uh, guys.

Okay, guys, now, listen --

Tomorrow you go straight from school over the art class.

Mr. Goldstein's day to carpool, right?

Oh, wrong.

That was Mr. Goldstein who called before.

His car is on the fritz.

I'm glad.

His car always smells like tuna fish.

Oh, but our teacher's gonna take us,

so you don't have to worry.

Oh, that's good.

Yeah, Farad's a big guy.

No one would ever think of messing with him.

[ Thunder crashes ]

Ma'am said there was another message

from William Jackson today.

Okay, you guys.

I have to really hurry to make my meeting downtown.

And, look, it's pouring out.

Be sure and tell, uh, Fred to drive carefully.

That's Farad, Ma'am.

Whatever.

Uh, lock the door behind me and don't forget your raincoat.

I'll see you after class.

[ Knock on door ]

Who is it?

It's me. I forgot my raincoat.

[ Laughs ]

Ooh, there's a big puddle out there.

KATHERINE: Thank you. I'll go out the front door.

Bye.

Bye.

[ Thunder crashes ]

Why is there always a storm when you're scared?

You ready, guys?

Aah!Aah!

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.

I just came around the back

'cause there's a big puddle out front.

It's okay. We'll be all right.

Some day.

Well, okay. Let's go.

Let's do it. Come on. Get your coats.

So, is your mom still around?

You know, I like to meet my students' families.

You just missed her.

She'll be picking us up after class.

Great. Great.

Now, you know that puddle is probably still growing

so everybody on.

You know, George used to do this until his hernia popped.

[ Laughs ] I love this.

[ Sighs ]

Well, now I know where the curb is.

Hey, that's neat.

Where'd you get that idea?

Cleaning my brush.

Okay, everybody. Let's take a break.

Hey, Farad.

Are you gonna show us some of your work?

Sure, why not?

GIRL: All right! BOY: Great!

Okay. Let's see.

Yeah, I just cranked this one out.

All right! Now, this is heavy.

Very heavy!

Hey, Farad.

What does that say in the corner?

That doesn't look like your name.

Oh, sure it is.

That's my given name, William Jackson.

BOTH: William Jackson?

Anything wrong?

No. No.

N-n-no.

Now, this one, I call "Revenge".

Couldn't be. Couldn't be.

It could not be the same guy.

Couldn't be.

Jackson has got to be

one of the most common names in this world.

There must be tons of them.

There's, uh, there's Reggie and Jesse.

Yeah, And, uh, Michael, La Toya, Jermaine.

Yeah, and at least , more Williams.

You're right.

And even if you're not, let's pretend you're right.

I don't want to pretend. I want to be sure it's not him.

Hey, we can check his locker for clues.

You can't go in here. That's his private stuff.

We're not stealing. We're looking.

Oh, all right.

There must be , people named Jackson

who have chain saws.

At least.

But all of them weren't in our house this afternoon.

Casing the joint!

And he wanted to meet Aunt Katherine!

Ma'am!

She's supposed to meet us here today!

Oh, no.

We got to stop her, find her, save her!

Boy...you sure grow up fast in the big city.

Come on. Let's go.

Where you guys been?

Class is over. Everybody's gone.

You mean, we're alone?

Just us?

Yeah, till your mother gets here.

[ Sighs ] She's not here.

She's not here.

Now where?

Her office. Her office.

Hey, slow down, fellas.

There's a deer crossing up ahead.

Yeah, I don't know what's up with those kids.

They've been acting weird all day.

Ah, they're good boys.

Come from a nice family.

Yeah, their mother works right down the hall --

Katherine Papadapolis.

Get out of here.

You're telling me Mrs. Papadapolis

works in this building, and those are her kids?

You know her? Yeah!

I've been going crazy trying to reach her.

And here she's been right under my nose.

She's a pretty good shrink.

She got me dating again.

Yeah, yeah. She already straightened my life out.

I just wanted to thank her.

Well, now's your chance.

She just went into your room.

Thanks, Joe.

[ Gasps ]

Aah!

I've been looking all over for you.

Aah!

Now, you stay back.

I warn you, I know how to use this thing.

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Be careful with that!

You can hurt somebody with that thing!

Sure!

Well, what's that chain saw for?

Just to sharpen a pencil?

No, actually, I'm a sculptor.

Ohh, cute euphemism.

Now, come on. Just -- just -- you know...

Have you ever seen what clay can do to a man's face?

Oh! Okay! Okay! Okay! Okay! Okay!

I'll put down the chain saw, you put down the clay.

Where are my kids?

Last time I saw them, they were racing down the hall.

Okay, they got away from you.

From what? From you! From you!

I know who you are, William. Okay.

Okay, it's just you and me now.

I warn you.

Right here in this room, I've taken self-defense.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

[ Chuckles ] I just want to thank you.

Why?

That's why I've been trying to find you.

If you hadn't put me in that detention center,

I would still be running with the gangs,

painting E.L. cards, not canvases.

I wouldn't be an art teacher, that's for sure.

You're an art teacher?

Where?

Right here.

You're Farad?

Yeah, I changed my name when I changed my game.

Oh.

[ Chuckling ] Ohh!

The kids just love you.

Oh, no!

That explains everything.

I mean, it explains the phone calls and the chain--

doesn't explain the chain saw.

Like I said, I'm an artist now,

and you don't work on a piece this size

with a nail file.

It's my first commission.

it's gonna be in front of

the Illinois Detention Center for Boys.

Oh!

William, that is good!

Well, I am so happy for you.

Oh! [ Laughs ]

I'm sorry!

And I am very, very, very, very happy for me.

All right, Jackson, hold it! Let her go!

No, Web. No, no. Web, it's okay.

Ready, Nicky? Hit it!

No, don't do that!

Aah!

[ Theme song plays ]