[ Strained ] Uh, Web, are you almost finished?
'Cause, to tell you the truth, I'm starting to cramp up.
I'm almost done.
Voilà!
There.
That's me, all right.
WOMAN: ♪ Set in my ways ♪
♪ Losing track of the days ♪
♪ Only me to live for ♪
♪ Had no need to give more ♪
♪ Than I wanted to ♪
MAN: ♪ Spending my time just holding the line ♪
♪ Never getting caught up ♪
♪ Love was never brought up ♪
♪ It's not the thing to do ♪
BOTH: ♪ Ooh ♪
♪ It was you ♪
♪ Then came you ♪
♪ You made me leap without taking a look ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ It was you ♪
♪ Then came you ♪
♪ You reeled me right in ♪
♪ Line, sinker, and hook ♪
♪ Never thought forever was the best I could do ♪
♪ Then came you ♪
♪ It was you and me and you ♪
♪ Then came you ♪
♪ It was you and me and you ♪
♪ It was you and me and ♪
♪ Then came you ♪
GEORGE: What are you guys gonna call this newspaper?
Community Center Tidbits.
It sounds like cat food.
You're right.
Let's see. Uh...
Oh, I got it! Look.
We can call it The Bugle.
The Bugle. I love The Bugle.
It's big. It's brassy and very loud.
Aha.
Okay, now,
here's exactly where you want to put your lead story.
What is your lead story?
Tommy and Roger turned in this paper
about their Ping
-Pong balls,
but, well, I like this one better.
"Ants drag Popsicle one block."
Read the part where they float it across the puddle on a leaf.
Oh, it's good detail.
I feel like I'm on that leaf myself.
[ Chuckles ] But you know, I don't think
people really like to, uh, read about bugs.
They read Spider
-Man.
Well, that's true. That's true.
But mostly, I think people like to read people stories.
Those are harder to find.
Of course they're harder to find,
but a good newspaperman is like a bulldog.
He sniffs out a story.
He gets it in his teeth, and he never lets it go.
Ruff! Ruff!Ruff!
- Ruff!
- Ruff!
Oh, my men,
and here I am fresh out of kibble.
[ Chuckles ]
George is teaching me how to be
a bulldog reporter like he is.
Oh, well, George is not the only one in this family
that has printer's ink in his blood.
I was the editor of my sorority paper,
The Alpha Kappa Kappa Recap.
That's right. A newspaper steeped in controversy.
Oh, you make light, George, but I was the one
that blew the lid off
the winter carnival float scandal.
No!
Pi Delta had hired a New York architect
to design their skating polar bear,
and it was totally against the rules.
So, what happened?
They all got a... severe reprimand,
and I went to the carnival ball with the architect.
Well, you see, now, that is a people story.
It's romantic. It's exciting and very unusual.
I know. I'll ask Sydney the garbageman
how he felt when he crushed our old folding chairs.
Come on. We're gonna be late.
Ma'am?Yeah?
Do you know any people stories?
Oh, sure. Lots of them.
Why don't you come down to the center after school
and talk to the people down there?
Remember, every mouth has a story.
I know a girl down there
who can scratch her back with her elbows.
Ooh. You see, now, that's a people story
that beats the pants off the ants.
Go get 'em, bulldog.
Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!
Ruff! Ruff!
Oh, let's see this one.
[ Door closes ]
"Aquarium leaks
-
- three dead."
[ Chuckles ] Weird.
ROBERTSON: See, Mrs. Papadapolis,
the bottom line is women put me on a pedestal.
I don't look for it. I don't ask for it.
I just say hello, and, boom, I'm up there.
Mr. Robertson, many men
would jump through hoops to have that problem.
[ Chuckles ] Not if they knew.
Believe me
-
-
Being a bandit of love is a curse.
Well, yeah, sometimes, life can play cruel tricks.
[ Telephone rings ] Sorry.
Do you like me unbuttoned to here,
or should I let a few more chest hairs show?
I think that is a personal choice.
Now, could we continue with your situation?
Oh, yeah, right.
Uh, as you know, I teach gym
at Franklin Cooper School with the three women I'm dating,
and they don't know about each other.
Man, keeping this a secret is brutal.
In fact, you're the very first person I've told about it.
Oh. And, uh, living with this deception
is making you uncomfortable?
It's making me crazy. [ Chuckles ]
Hey, I have to call them all "babe"
just so I don't accidentally use the wrong name.
Have you considered... cutting back to just one babe?
Sure, but how can I cut back?
I'd be breaking at least two hearts.
Well, Mr. Robertson, it's, um...
It's your decision.
And I'm afraid, uh, time's up.
We'll continue this next week.
Whoa. See, now,
I have to decide who'll get to keep me
and who'll have her whole world come crashing down.
You might be surprised.
Some women have a way of bouncing right back.
That's not been my experience.
You know, I think
the one who'll probably take this the best is Ms. Blair.
She was first
-runner
-up as Milwaukee Cheese Queen,
so she's used to disappointment.
Catch you next week, babe.
[ Clicking ]
This is great. A scandal.
"Kid gets ripped off at Community Center."
[ Can rattles ]
[ Tape recorder clicks ]
Whoa, Web. You look like you just wiped out.
Hi, Jesse.
I'm just trying to find a story for my newspaper.
Newspaper?
Yeah, we're trying to sell it to the kids.
I'm looking for a really exciting story...
but not about bugs.
Hey, I know a story that's totally rad.
But it's got to be about people who do unusual things.
Oh, it's unusual, all right.
Nah, maybe it's toounusual
for a little paper like yours.
Jesse...
You might as well tell me. You're dealing with a bulldog.
I don't know.
Jesse, it's in.
Front page
-
- right on top of the babysitting ads.
Now give.
Okay, it's about Coach Robertson.
He's dating three teachers at the same time.
Man, who would want to date a teacher?
The gnarly part about Robertson
is all those teachers think they're the only one.
Great story, huh?
Three at a time?
Boy, George is right.
People are more interesting than ants.
Well, how'd you find out?
Oh, well, he lives in the house right behind mine,
and I've seen him out on his porch with all three of them.
Oh, I guess I can go with that.
You got to promise not to use my name.
Just call me an informed source, like the big papers do.
Oh, I've heard of that.
Okay, I promise.
Cross your heart and hope to die?
Stick a needle in my eye.
All right. You're a cool dude.
I'm so stoked. I got to find Jason.
He's not some new trucks for my skate.
So, meet me at the water fountain in minutes, okay?
I'll tell you the rest.
Sounds good.
Dude.
Hey, bud. Wait till you hear what I pulled off.
Coach Robertson's gonna be sorry he ever picked on me.
GEORGE: Katherine, would you taste this coffee?
It tastes funny.
It almost tastes like, uh, dirt.
You're kidding.
[ Sniffs ]
Oh, I think I know why.
I made this when I was potting.
[ Sniffs ] Oh.
This poor little baby's going to be up all night.
Guys...
The Buglesold out!
[ Chuckles ] [ Claps ]
So, tonight, it is Dairy Freeze on me.
Oh, that's great. Congratulations.
Well, I guess we have a two
-reporter family.
Thanks a lot. Your advice was great.
I'm going upstairs and celebrate.
By the way, if the ceiling starts shaking,
it's just me jumping on my bed.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Sighs ]
You know, darling, I don't know
whether I can wait for that Dairy Freeze.
Why don't we start celebrating right now?
I'll open up some bubbly.
Hey, Dom Pérignon '?
No, diet cola '. [ Chuckles ]
Would have been my second choice.
[ Doorbell rings ]
I'll get it.
Oh. Mr. Robertson?
Let me guess
-
- You were jealous,
so you figured you'd blow my cover,
and then I'd be available for you?
Um...beg your pardon?
Hey, babe, it's not like I blame you,
but there's only so much of me to go around,
and everyone wants a share.
You could have been a bit more discreet.
There's, um...
a little part of this that I don't understand...
like all of it.
Picture this
-
-
I am in my class leading squat thrusts,
when in comes Yolanda, Jennifer, and Bernice
to give me a triple
-barrel dumping.
You blabbed.
I do not blab.
Our conversations are strictly confidential.
Oh, yeah?
Front
-page confidential. Look at that.
Your th
-grade Ted Koppel nailed me to the bleachers.
"Guess who's dating
-
-"
Oh, n
-
- Webster!
Gets worse.
He even used me in the crossword puzzle
-
-
down.
"Lover boy"?
Webster!
Would you come down here, please?
I assure you that, uh,
this information did not come from me.
What's up, Ma'am? Hi, Mr. Robertson.
You!
Webster.
Why did you write a story about Mr. Robertson
and his...lady friends?
Well, it was a people story
-
-
an unusualpeople story...
...just like you and George told me to use.
Oh, great. First you encourage him,
then you give him the news.
You must think I'm all brawn and no brain.
You are the only person I told.
Mr. Robertson, please.
Mrs. Papadapolis, you, please.
Wait till this gets around the Community Center.
Your counseling days are gonna be over.
[ Door slams ]
Is Ma'am gonna be in trouble?
Well, she could be,
but not if you tell us who your source was.
I can't tell. I promised.
I even crossed my heart and hoped to die.
Stick a needle in your eye?
I know how sacred that oath is to you,
but Katherine needs our help.
I'd do anything to help Ma'am,
but you told me never to break a promise.
Look, I want you to talk to your source
and tell him what happened, and maybe he'll come forward.
Okay, I'll try, but I wouldn't bet my ant farm on it.
And, uh, Web, about that article...
Yeah, I know. I went into the margin in one part.
No, that's not it.
I just don't think it should have been written.
But it's true. Can't I print anything that's true?
Yeah, but there's a fine line
between news and the invasion of privacy.
What if something like this happened to you?
Well, I don't even date onegirl.
How would you like to read this headline
-
-
"Webster Long thought
giant green rabbit lived under his bed"?
You wouldn't tell anyone, would you?
[ Chuckles ] Not even if they pulled my mustache.
How do you think Mr. Robertson feels?
Now, I think you should
go see Mr. Robertson tomorrow and apologize.
Oh, I will.
And I want you to tell him that
it was your story from your source
and that Katherine had nothing to do with this.
I just hope he believes me, George.
Boy, people stories.
I guess I should have stuck to the ants, huh?
KATHERINE: [ Screams ]
[ Thud ]
Rough day, darling?
Rough?
I am the laughingstock of the center.
I have been humiliated, shunned,
snickered at, and whispered about.
You have no idea what it's been like.
- Oh, I have some idea.
- Frankie Delisle said that
the lowest form of life is a squealer.
Lower than a meter maid.
Yeah, well, big talk from a guy
who turned in his own father for loan
-sharking.
George, no, this is important.
Robertson has made such a big stink about this
that six of my seven clients canceled today.
Well, at least one still trusts you.
[ Chuckles ] Not really.
She's a struggling actress.
She thought if I talked about her,
it would be good publicity for her career.
Oh, George, you know what
the latest joke is going around the center?
[ Sighs ]
How many counselors does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. No! [ Chuckles ]
One to change the light bulb,
and Katherine Papadapolis to tell everybody about it!
Ohh.
Oh, sweetheart.
Sweetheart.
I feel so bad about this.
I hope Webster's gonna be able to convince his source to talk.
That'll straighten everything out.
Well, he's gonna have to.
My supervisor, Dr. Dreidelman, gave me
till the end of the week to clear it up or clear out.
[ Sighs ]
You mean you could get fired over this?
Yes.
He said, [Deep voice] "I can't run a clinic
if no one trusts the counselors."
[ Normal voice ] And the most upsetting part of it all is that
I would no sooner betray a confidence of a client than
-
-
than serve red wine with fish.
You don't have to convince me, darling. I'm behind you %.
You know... [ Sighs ]
...to get fired for something you did is one thing,
but to get fired for something you didn'tdo...
Hi, guys.
So, what happened?Well?
Well, I told Mr. Robertson
you had nothing to do with the article,
but... he didn't believe me.
Oh, no. Webster.
What about your source?
He won't budge.
Oh, this isn't any good.
This isn't any good at all.
I know. I even offered him
a free subscription to The Bugle,
but his lips are sealed.
Webster, this thing is getting out of hand.
I...
[ Clears throat ] I know you gave your word, but,
you see, Mr. Robertson's afraid to go back to his apartment
because he thinks his apartment has been booby
-trapped
by his girlfriends, and
-
-
and we all have a problem because I could get fired.
Web, I know you don't like to break a promise,
but this is a family situation,
and families have to come first.
Right.
Uh, did you say Mr. Robertson
lives in an apartment?
Yeah, he said something about, uh, you know, a...
[Clears throat] ...swinging singles' place in New Town.
Ha. See, my source said that
he lived in a house right behind his,
but you say he lives in an apartment.
Your source lied. Yeah.
And if he lied, you'd better find out where he
gets his information.
How?
Check around. Keep your eyes open.
Snoop? That, too.
Go see some of his friends and find out
why the heck he'd lie like this.
Yeah, I'd like to know, too.
Yeah, Jesse and Mr. Robertson can't stand each other.
Robertson makes him towel monitor every day.
So, Jesse would like to get back at Mr. Robertson?
Are you kidding? He'd rather do that
than pick on rd
-graders.
Interesting.
Really interesting.
Okay, let me make sure I got all this now.
You hang out here with Jesse all the time.
But sometimes, he just disappears for a while.
And then when he comes back,
you say he smells kind of funny, like Christmas trees.
That could be a big help.
Right. Thanks.
By the way...
here's your move.
Sorry. Bowling's my game.
[ Sniffs ]
KATHERINE: Dr. Dreidelman, I promise you
this thing will be cleared up by tomorrow.
[ Sighs ]
Yes, I
-I did hear the light
-bulb joke.
No, I
-I didn't hear the knock
-knock joke.
Who's there?
Katherine who?
That's very funny. [ Chuckles nervously ]
[ Sniffs ]
Christmas tree.
Way to go, champ.
Woodward and Bernstein would be proud of you.
Who?
They're two old
-time Geraldo Riveras,
only they found what they were looking for.
KATHERINE: Come in.
Oh, hi, honey. I thought you were gonna be my :.
What are you doing?
George. [ Sighs ]
Webster and George,
I
-I just am in no mood for jokes.
Shh! What?
Ma'am? Yeah?
This should take care of all your problems.
"Third
-grader eats grasshoppers."
No.
No, no. The lead story.
"Air ducts at Community Cen
-
-
Center spreading more than air."
[ Gasps ] Then that's how
-
-
Shh! Shh!
So, anyways, I've been having these
recurring dreams, you know.
I keep thinking that I'm Howard Cosell.
I wake up in the morning, and my hair is real droopy.
So...
Gotcha!
Okay, George, thanks a lot.
I wasn't listening, I was...
getting some wax for my skateboard.
Oh, sure. Just save it, Jesse.
How dare you?
How dare you listen to private conversations?
Have you anything to say for yourself?
So I listened to some dumb conversations.
Besides, he had no right to give me away.
You promised not to squeal.
I didn't squeal. I should have.
You lied to me about how you got your information.
Jesse, take a hike in my office.
Sit down and be quiet.
You and I are going to have a little conversation
with Mr. Robertson.
And no wheelies on my wife's desk.
This should get you out of trouble with your boss.
Yeah. Thanks.
I think it will.
Well, guys, I got to go.
I've got another hot story.
Oh, it's gonna be pretty tough to top this one.
Mnh
-mnh. This one's better.
You know Carla, the elbow girl?
She broke her arm.
Now she scratches her back with her foot.
[ Chuckles ]
That's pretty interesting.
Well, I guess I'll go with him.
You guys.
Her foot?
Okay, Mr. Robertson. See you Wednesday at :.
Bye.
[ Exhales deeply ]
What a good day.
Jesse apologized, sort of.
Dr. Dreidelman apologized. Mr. Robertson apologized.
So it's a clean sweep.
Well, good news.
I'm getting out of reporting
and into political cartoon.
Yeah. A dollar sign and a frowning person.
Obviously a comment on the
-
- the budget deficit.
Well, see, uh, to me, it looks like
a man holding a rocket. [ Clears throat ]
And he's upset with m*llitary spending.
No, it's supposed to be me
complaining about the price of a milkshake.
[ Theme song plays ]
04x15 - Freedom of the Press
Watch/Buy Amazon
Set in Chicago, revolves around Webster Long, a 5-year-old African American orphan whose biological parents were recently k*lled in a car accident and is taken in by his godfather, retired football star George Papadopolis.
Set in Chicago, revolves around Webster Long, a 5-year-old African American orphan whose biological parents were recently k*lled in a car accident and is taken in by his godfather, retired football star George Papadopolis.