03x29 - Rear View Mirror: Part 2

[bunniefuu]

- [Narrator] Last on Webster.


- Oh, my. Oh, now I feel even worse.

Haven't you two been watching television?


- No.
- No.

What's wrong?


- They just broke in with a special news bulletin.

There's a huge hurricane sweeping the Bahama Islands.

They've lost all communications.

The preliminary reports are that there's extensive damage.

[gentle somber music]


- That's where Ma'am and George are.

[bright upbeat music]

♪ Set in my ways ♪

♪ Losing track of the days ♪

♪ Only me to live for ♪

♪ Had no need to give more ♪

♪ Than I wanted to ♪

♪ Spending my time just holding the line ♪

♪ Never getting caught up ♪

♪ Love was never brought up ♪

♪ It's not the thing to do ♪

♪ Ooh ooh it was you ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ You made me leap without taking a look ♪

♪ Ooh ooh it was you ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ You reeled me right in line sinker and hook ♪

♪ Never thought forever was the best I could do ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ It was you and me and you ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ It was you and me and you ♪

♪ It was you and me ♪

♪ And then came you ♪

[gentle somber music]


- Nice cup of hot chocolate loaded with marshmallows

will make everything look better.

At least that's what my mother used to say.


- Ma'am used to say things like that.

I wonder if I'll ever hear her say anything again.


- Webster, don't even talk like that.

We don't know that anything bad has happened

to Katherine and Georgie.


- Then why aren't they calling?


- All of the phone lines are down,

and no calls are coming in or going out.

I'll bet you that George is in a payphone right now,

cramming strange looking coins into the slot

yelling for an operator.


- Or maybe he's under a pile of bricks

yelling for help.


- I can't believe this is my Webster talking.


- I'm sorry. I just don't wanna lose Ma'am and George.

I keep remembering how bad it was

when Ma'am lost her mother.

[gentle somber music]


- I'm very tired, honey.

I'm gonna go to sleep now. You run along.


- What?
- No.


- Oh, Webster, please. I'm asking you very nicely to go.


- No, I'm going to stay.

When my mother d*ed, you wouldn't let me push you away.

So I'm not gonna let you push me away.

Now sit up and listen.

Come on.

When you're hurting, it's okay to be angry.

But don't hurt yourself,

and don't turn away from the people who love you.

[gentle sanguine music]


- That was lovely. Where did you get that?


- From you.

Remember when I was so mad at my parents for getting k*lled

and I wouldn't come outta my room?

That's the letter you put under my door.

[gentle somber music]


- [sobs] You saved it.

Oh, Webster.


- If it's true for me, isn't it true for you?


- [sobbing] Yes.

[sniffling] Thank you.


- Here, why don't you keep it, Ma'am?

I've read it so many times, I know it in my heart.

[Katherine sobbing] [sanguine music]


- Oh.


- Webster, I agree with you.

It's a terrible thing to lose a parent.

But you shouldn't give up hope

just because we can't get in touch with them.


- Listen to your Uncle Jerry.

[doorbell rings]

Oh, that must be your little friend

coming to spend the night.


- Oh, good.

Having someone to play with will help pass the time away

until we hear from Katherine and George,

and we will hear from them.


- I guess so. [doorbell rings]


- I'm sure we'll hear from them, won't we?


- I hope so.

In the meantime, we have got to keep Webster

from thinking such morbid thoughts.


- We'll have to talk about other things.


- Well, if he does start down memory lane,

let's at least remember the happy times.


- Hi, Mr. Papadapolis.
- Oh, hello, Andy.


- Hi, Mr. Silver.
- Oh, hey, Andy.

Are you bunking in here tonight?


- Yep, wait 'til you see what my mom let me buy.

"National Discoverer." [Webster yelps]

[audience laughs]
- Get that away from me.

Rob brought a copy of that over here one time,

and all it did was get me into trouble.


- It's just a piece of paper.


- That's what I thought. [audience laughs]

Oh, look, they have a test.

How to see if you're from Jupiter.


- I'll give you the test.


- I don't even get a chance to study?

[audience laughs]


- Question one.

Do you look different than the people you live with?

[audience laughs]


- Yeah, but that doesn't mean I'm from Jupiter.

[audience laughs]


- Do you have trouble remembering things

more than years ago?


- I'm only nine. [audience laughs]


- Well, you have to answer yes or no.


- That's a yes, but it doesn't mean anything.


- Can you see the future in your dreams?


- Ah
-ha. That's a no.

The last dream I had was I was being chased

by a giant ball of fur.

[audience laughs]


- Was that before or after Mrs. Griffin's sheepdog

chased you all the way to school?

[audience laughs]


- Before. [audience laughs]

That's a yes. [audience laughs]


- Last question.

Do you like to eat strange combinations of food?

[audience laughs]

Y
-E
-S. [audience laughs]

If you have answered yes

to three or more of these questions,

congratulations, you're from Jupiter.

[audience laughs]


- Come on, I told you I'm not from Jupiter.


- Webster, you got all four questions right.


- And what does it mean?


- It means you're going home.


- What? Let me see that.

Jupiter's in trouble.

All aliens will be taken home at noon.

[audience laughs]

The th. That's Monday.


- But what if you don't wanna go?


- Absolutely no exceptions.

I can't be from Jupiter. Can I?

[gentle suspenseful music]

[bright whimsical music]


- Hey, Webster, do they have school on Jupiter?


- No wonder your brother hits you.

[audience laughs]


- Well, looks like we lost somebody.


- Papa? Papa?


- I'm out here getting a cigar.


- You know, Webster, you should have asked an adult

if you thought you were from another planet.


- I did. I talked to Bill and Cassie.

And after I talked to them,

I was even more convinced that I came from Jupiter.

[audience laughs]


- Now, why would they say a thing like that?


- They didn't mean to.

So I went down to their apartment

to ask them some questions.

[gentle whimsical music]

Do you know anything about Jupiter?


- Oh, let's see.

Unless it's changed since I went to school,

it's the largest planet in the solar system,

has moons, it's the planet that rules Sagittarius.

Let's look it up.


- And it'll take you more

than a couple of hours to get there.


- Even in a UFO?


- Oh, in a UFO, it'll take you about a half an hour.

[audience laughs]

Give or take five minutes for traffic.

[audience laughs]


- How do you know that?


- I read about it in an article

in "Today's Science" magazine about Project Blue Book.


- What's that?


- It's a code name for a secret government agency

that kept track of aliens and UFOs and stuff like that.

And if you ask me, I think we should get ahold

of some of those little green men

and find out what they're doing.

[audience laughs]


- Are they always little green men?

[audience laughs]


- Oh, heck no. I mean, you've been to the movies, Web.

Aliens come in all shapes and sizes.


- As a matter of fact, Webster,

I'm not positive that you are not one of them.

[audience laughs]


- You're not?


- Nope.

According to my article in a magazine,

you could have an alien living right next door to you

and not even know it.

[audience laughs]


- You know, Web. Bill might be right.

I mean, we've put men on the moon.

Who's to say they haven't put somebody down here?

[gentle suspenseful music] [audience laughs]

[Papa and Jerry laugh]


- Well, I can't blame you

for thinking that you were from outer space.

Bill and Cassie were pretty convincing.

[Papa laughs]


- You know what I think? I think it's time for bed.


- Wake up, Andy. We have to go to sleep.

[audience laughs]
- Don't hit me, Mike.

Oh, I thought you were my brother.

[audience laughs]


- Well, while you two boys are getting into your PJs,

I'm gonna go into the den and catch this movie

I've been wanting to see,

"The Beast with the Wet Nose."

[audience laughs]


- You won't like it. The beast is just a big dog.

[audience laughs]


- Yeah, he doesn't even destroy Tokyo.

He just buries a bone in a Japanese restaurant.

[audience laughs]


- All right, boys, upstairs, both of you.

And don't forget the face and the teeth.

Wash the first, brush the second.

I'll be up in a few minutes to tuck you in.

And if you're real good, I'll tell you a story.


- Goodnight, Mr. Papadapolis.


- Goodnight, Andy.
- Goodnight, Papa.


- Goodnight, Baklava.


- Oh, I'll be there in a minute, Andy.

I want to tell Papa to wake me up

if he hears anything about Ma'am and George.


- Okay.


- You're not really going to watch a movie

about the giant schnauzer, are you?


- Of course not. That was just an excuse.

I want to get word on the hurricane.

I figured that George's station would be the first

with the news if he was okay.


- Forget it. I already called.


- When?


- When you were in the kitchen with the boys

and I was making believe I was getting a cigar.


- Well, what did they say?


- Well, the phones are still down, so there's no word,

but the hotel where they were supposed to stay,

gone.

Completely destroyed by the hurricane.


- [Jerry] Oh, my God. [gentle somber music]

[gentle somber music]


- Thanks a lot, Webster.

Maybe your parents will let you spend the night

over at my house next weekend.


- That's if I see them by next weekend.


- Oh, we'll hear. We'll hear.

They're perfectly fine. Goodbye, Andy.


- Bye, Mr. Papadapolis. Bye, Webster.


- You come back.
- Okay. Bye, Andy.


- Bye. [gentle somber music]

[Papa sighs]

[gentle somber music continues]


- Is there something you want to talk to me about?


- Yes. What are we gonna do about Ma'am and George?


- Well, we can't do anything until we've heard.


- But you did.

Last night, you heard about the hotel.


- You knew?


- Yes. I heard you and Jerry talking.

What else did you say after I went to bed?


- Oh, nothing. I, I promise.

You don't believe Papa?


- Well, you did lie to me last night.


- Oh, that was not a lie.

That was just...

That was just not telling the truth.

We didn't wanna worry you.

You were doing a pretty good job of that yourself.


- But you always told me the truth before,

even when you wouldn't tell anyone else.

Like the time I thought my bad luck chain letter

made you fall down those stairs and get hurt.

[bright gentle music] Papa?

Papa?


- Webster. [chuckles]

How is my favorite boy? Huh?


- Better.
- Me too.

Where's Katherine and Georgie?


- They went to take a look at the babies.


- Again with the babies, huh? [audience laughs]

[chuckles] We can't blame them for that.


- Papa, I know why you fell down the stairs.


- You do?


- It's all my fault.
- Why do you say that?


- Because I got this chain letter,

and it said something bad would happen to someone I love.


- Your letter didn't make me fall downstairs.


- Yes, it did. You said yourself it was bad luck.

And it had to be the letter, but it's okay now.

I'm lucky again.


- Oh, Webster, Webster, Webster. Listen.

You know that Papa has a little bit

of high blood pressure, huh?


- Yes.


- And you know that he takes a pill every day

to help him control it?

Well, Papa forgot to take his pill for three days

and that's why he got dizzy,

and that's why he fell downstairs.


- But you told George you took them.


- I know. I told a fib.


- How come?


- Well...

You know that yesterday Papa became years old, huh?

And, he feels like ,

and he acts like ,

and he looks like ... Eight.

[audience laughs] [chuckles] But he is .


- What's wrong with ?
- Nothing.

It's just that some people think

you get a little soft in the head

when you get a little older,

so I was just ashamed

to tell Georgie I forgot to take my pills.

I don't want him to think his Papa's getting senile.

And that's why I fell down the stairs.

It was my own fault. Not yours, not the letter.

[gentle sanguine music]

I'm sorry that you had to worry about me.


- See, you told me the truth that time.


- Yeah, but it wasn't easy.

I'm a very stubborn old man.


- Well, I always tell the truth.


- Oh? And you think it's easy.


- Sure.

Well, not all the time.
- [Papa] Mm.


- Once Uncle Phillip asked me a question,

and it was real hard to be honest.

[bright gentle music]


- You know, uh,

I've been thinking very seriously

about asking Charette to, to marry me.

How would you feel about that?

I mean, how would you feel

about having Charette as your aunt?


- Real crummy.
- What?


- I think she tells lies.


- Why would you say something terrible like that?


- It's the truth. She's not home.

She went out with Mr. Dewitt.


- [stammers] They barely know each other.


- Well, they were hugging like they knew each other.


- [laughs] Baby, this is show business. Everybody hugs.

It doesn't mean anything.


- It looked like it meant something to me.


- Look, I'm sure it did.

But you're still a little boy.

It's a grownup world,

and there's a lot of things you don't understand.


- I understand that I'm telling the truth,

and you don't believe me.

[gentle somber music]


- I can't.

I just can't.


- Well, I just have one more thing to say.


- If it's about Charette
-


- It's not about her, it's about me.


- All right, what?


- If you don't think I'm telling the truth,

then I don't wanna be here.

I wanna go home.

[gentle somber music]

[bright gentle music]


- I can't believe it.

You and your uncle Phillip had a fight?


- Not for long. We like each other too much to stay mad.

[doorbell rings]
- [Jerry] Anybody home?


- Coming, Jerry.


- [Jerry] Hurry up. This can't wait.


- You have news from The Bahamas?


- No, I have tacos from Larry's,

and I don't want to eat them cold.


- But I could have made lunch.

You didn't have to bring in tacos.


- Ah, but these are not ordinary tacos.

They are Larry's special fortune tacos.


- Oh. [audience laughs]


- Wait a minute.

Are you telling me that there are fortunes in here?


- Well, don't take my word for it. Look for yourself.


- [Papa] Thank you.
- [Jerry] Uh
-huh.


- It's, it's got cheese all over it.

[audience laughs]
- Oh, who cares?

Read it out loud.


- Boys should never worry about parents and hurricanes.

Parents are hunky dory. [audience laughs]

Jerry, this looks like your handwriting.


- What do you mean? Let me see that fortune.

Nope, this is not my handwriting.

I don't dot my eyes with hot sauce.

[audience laughs]
- Jerry.


- Well, look, there was a line at Larry's,

and he needed some help, and...

Listen, this is a pretty spiffy fortune, don't you think?


- Thanks.

We haven't had tacos around here since Maria worked for us.


- Huh, isn't that the woman that had the baby

in George and Katherine's bedroom?


- Yeah, and I helped deliver it.


- No.
- Yeah.

[audience laughs]

[gentle bright music] [audience laughs]


- Oh, Maria, I'm glad you're there.

Listen, we just want you to sit down and relax,

'cause Webster and I are gonna do the rest of the work.


- Oh, oh, yes. [speaks foreign language]


- Oh, well you're very welcome.

[audience laughs]


- George, she didn't say thank you.

[Maria speaks foreign language]

Holy moly, she's having a baby. George?


- Okay, stay calm. [Maria panting]

Stay calm, okay? [audience laughs]

Okay?
- Okay. Okay.


- Tell her to stay calm.
- Stay calm.


- I'll go get the car. [audience laughs]

[George exclaiming] [Maria panting]

Oh, Katherine has the car.

I'll go get a cab. Okay, tell her I'll get a cab.

[Maria speaks foreign language]


- She said there's no time. The baby's coming now.


- Now? Now? [audience laughs]

The baby's coming now.
- Yeah.


- Oh, the baby's coming now. [audience laughs]

Oh, well, that's okay. That's okay.

I'll deliver the baby in that room.

Ow. In the room. [audience laughs]


- George, you forgot something.


- Oh, yes. I forgot her.

Yes, you must have the baby.

I'll get the baby. You'll get the baby.

Don't forget the baby.

Oh, I'm going, I'm crazy, crazy.


- Give me that, George.
- Okay, good, good.

[audience laughs]

[gentle sanguine music]


- George and I made a pretty good team that day.


- Listen, you and Katherine and Georgie

make a good team every day.


- Yeah, I just wish I knew if my teammates were okay.


- Oh. [phone rings]


- I'll get it. It's Andy.


- Since when can you read the future?


- Since I noticed that he left his pajamas here.

[audience laughs]

So I guess you'll be sleeping naked tonight, huh?

[audience laughs]

It's a call from the Bahamas?

Uh, I can't make out what the operator's saying.


- Hello, this is Mr. Papadapolis.

I will accept the charges. Who is calling?

Bahama General Hospital.

Hello? You go ahead, please.

Hello? Hello?

[receiver thudding] [somber music]

Hello? We got cut off.


- Oh, no, that means that the hospital
-


- Oh, no. No it doesn't, honey.


- Look, they will call back,

and then we will find out what we are supposed to find out.

[phone rings] I'll get it. I'll get it.


- I've got it.

Hello? Yes, this is Webster Long.

They're okay. [Jerry and Papa chuckle]

Ma'am, George? Where are you?

The hospital phone is the only one that works.


- [Papa] Oh.


- Well, what, what happened?

Did your hotel get blown away?

Oh, I love you guys.

Were there big waves? Did the trees blow over?

Was it scary? [audience laughs]


- Come home.
- It's Papa.


- Hello, Katherine.
- And Jerry, yeah.

Mind if I spend the night over at Andy's house?

[audience laughs]


- Did you catch any fish? [audience claps]

[bright upbeat music]

[bright upbeat music]

[bright triumphant music]