03x13 - The Triangle

[bunniefuu]

[gentle music]


- Come on Web.

I gotta get in the bathtub.


- [Webster] I'm coming George.

Thanks.

[audience laughing]


- This is my duck.

[audience laughing]

♪ Set in my ways ♪

♪ Losing track of the days ♪

♪ Only me to live for ♪

♪ Have no need to give more than I wanted to ♪

♪ Spending my time just holding the line ♪

♪ Never getting caught up ♪

♪ Love was never brought up ♪

♪ It's not the thing to do ♪

♪ It was you then came you ♪

♪ You made me leap without taking a look ♪

♪ It was you then came you ♪

♪ You reeled me right in line, sinker and hook ♪

♪ Never thought forever was the best I could do ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ It was you and me and you ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ It was you and me and you ♪

♪ It was you and me then came you ♪

[gentle upbeat music]


- [Webster] This is gonna be the best anniversary party

Bill and Cassie ever had.


- [Katherine] Yeah, but we gotta hurry up

and finish these decorations.

And then I have to pick up the cake.


- Ma'am, can I stay at Blake's tonight?

It's Saturday and I don't have to go to school tomorrow.


- Yeah.

Have you finished your homework?


- No, but I started it.

See, we have to tell a story just by using pictures.

I'll pick the most interesting ones.


- Let's see.

Oh, these are very good.


- I took that picture at the bus stop.


- Who is that awful looking man

with a dirty pants and the torn shirt?

Webster.

He doesn't come around and bother you kids, does he?


- Every day, he's our bus driver.

[audience laughing]

Why don't I take pictures at the anniversary party?

That'll make a great story.


- Yeah, that's a very good idea.

Webster.

Nobody else has seen that one, have they?


- No, you're the first.


- Can I have it,

just 'cause it's so special?


- Sure I'm gonna have so many everybody can have one.

My teacher said a picture's worth a thousand words.


- Well, this one sure is.

[gentle music]


- Ma'am why are you eating all the cashews?


- No, I'm not eating all the cashews.

That wouldn't be fair.

Thank you.


- That's okay, 'cause I like the raisins.

[doorbell ringing]


- [Kathering] Oh, aha I'll get it.


- And I'll get rid of the raisins.

[audience laughing]


- I got over here as quick as I could.

Now, what is so important and personal

that we have to discuss it in person?

Oh, hi Webster.


- Hi Jerry, you wanna color?

You wanna sh**t some hoop?

You wanna see my pictures?

Then what do you want to do?


- Sweetheart, Jerry and I have to talk, grown up talk.


- I'll tell you what,

I have to pick up Bill and Cassie's present.

And when I come back to drop it off,

we'll color our brains out all right?


- Okay.

Ma'am.


- Hmm?


- Can I stay if I'm extra quiet

and don't interrupt and promise to never,

never to repeat anything to anybody?

[audience laughing]


- No.


- I didn't think so.

[audience laughing]


- Well, this is me going.

[audience laughing]

[audience clapping]

[Katherine sighing]


- I don't know what I'm gonna do.

On the way home from school today,

Webster took this picture.


- Well, the composition doesn't knock me out

but other than that, it's....


- It's Bill's car parked outside a motel

in the middle of the afternoon.

Look, the Venus Arms Motel.

Oh poor Cassie, I'm just gonna have to do something.


- Moment.

Surely you're not thinking of saying anything to her?


- Well, if she found out that I knew and I didn't tell her,

she'd never forgive me.


- Well, what makes you so sure she'll forgive you

if you do tell her?


- Don't you think she deserves to hear it from a friend?

Or would you rather she get a heartbreaking phone call

from some bimbo named Bambi?

[audience laughing]


- You know, somehow I just cannot picture

Bill with a Bambi.

[Jerry laughing]


- You're not taking this seriously.


- Oh no, I'm sure there's some perfectly good reason

for Bill being there.


- Well, like what?


- Well, you know how Bill is always scouring the city

for these antiques.


- Antique waterbeds?

[audience laughing]


- Do you really want to talk

to Cassie about this on her anniversary?

I mean, it'll break her heart.


- Well, you're right.

Maybe I should talk to Bill instead.


- Oh, I am sure he will be thrilled

when you accuse him of playing around.


- No, I'm not gonna make any accusations.

I'm merely gonna let him know that I'm concerned

and available if he wishes to confide in me.

Who knows, the man may be dying to confess.


- No cashews?

[audience laughing]

[light music]


- Can I come in?


- Sure.

Could use your help.


- Oh, I'm so glad you feel that way.

Are we alone?


- Sure.


- Are you sure?


- Sure, I'm sure.


- Oh, good.

Now that we're alone

I thought this might be a perfect opportunity

for us to have a little tête
-à
-tête.


- Yeah, well, sorry, we're not into fancy French food,

but check the fridge,

I think there's some leftover meatloaf.

[audience laughing]

[Katherine laughing]


- No thanks.

So, years, huh?


- That's right.


- Bill.

Sometimes a marriage can get,

how do you say?

Well, after many years it lacks a certain fullness.


- Fullness?


- Yes.

You know what I mean by fullness?


- Yeah.

You mean,

fullness.


- Well, I've not been married very long myself,

but I could certainly understand

that another person might find it necessary

to find some fullness from an outside source, wouldn't you?


- Well, I think a person's fullness

is a kind of a private matter,

don't you?


- Oh, true, true.

But, this would just be between the two of us.

It would be our little secret.

Oh and it would make you feel better.


- Katherine, I...uh

I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

[audience laughing]


- Sure, I'm just trying to help you.

Oh no, I just want you to feel close to me, you know?


- Don't say another word.

Don't say another word

and I'll try to forget this ever happened.


- Oh well, you can try,

but if you have one ounce of feeling left in your heart,

you won't be able to forget it.

Think it over.

I'm gonna be upstairs working on the party decorations

and if you change your mind, you have my number.

[gentle music]


- You sure got [indistinct] sister.

[audience laughing]

[bright music]


- Okay, you blow, I'll tie.


- Okay.


- Strike that.

I'll blow, you tie.


- George, why is everyone telling secrets?


- Who's telling secrets?


- Jerry and ma'am didn't want me to hear

what they were talking about.


- Count your blessings,

I've heard 'em talk.

[audience laughing]


- Then ma'am went downstairs to talk to Bill in private.

Sounds like a mystery to me.


- That's not a mystery.

You wanna hear a mystery?


- Sure.


- Try to find the elbows on an armchair.

Is an upside down cake really upside down

when they turn it over?

[audience laughing]

And is it legal to mail a menu with food stamps?


- You're scaring me.


- Katherine, I'm very flattered

that you find me so irresistible.

No, that's no good.

Listen, you've got to stop this.

That's no good.

It'll break her heart.

Webster, this is a private conversation.


- It must be, I don't see anybody else here.


- Well, it's strictly between me and me.


- This will only take a minute.

As the official party photographer,

I'd like to take one picture of you, before you look nice.

[audience laughing]


- [Cassie] Hi.

Hi guys.


- Hi Cassie.
- Cassie,

I have to talk to you right now, if not sooner.


- Of course love,

the sooner the better.


- It's no biggie.

It can wait.


- What about my picture?


- You can take that tonight.

I promise you I won't look that nice.

[audience laughing]

This conversation is strictly between,

Webster you've gotta go.


- George thinks I'm imagining things.

Boy, thanks Cassie.

[audience laughing]


- I got it.

You want information about your gifts?

Well, if you think by sending Webster away

you can worm it out of me,

dim the lights.

[audience laughing]


- Oh, Cas, I gotta tell you something, right here.

Now honey, this may hurt

but I gotta sh**t straight from the hip.


- I trust you Billy.

You're my husband, my friend.

My rock of Gibraltar.


- Well, Katherine just came down

and tried to grab a piece of the rock.

[audience laughing]


- I beg your pardon?


- She walked right up to me and

she waited till you were gone

and she made a pass at me and nothing happened, I swear.


- Right here in our own home?

The nerve.

Of course you are a very attractive man, bill.


- You really think so?


- You're very, very, very, very virile.

Women sense these things.

[audience laughing]


- Really?


- You reek of it.


- It's my aftershave.

Maybe it's too musky.

[audience laughing]

Well darling, you're taking this great.

What do I do now?


- Nothing. You do nothing.

I'll handle this.


- [George] Bill and Katherine, come on Cass.

[George laughing]


- Are you calling my sexy and adorable husband a liar?


- No, I'm just saying

that maybe he stood up too fast and got confused.

[audience laughing]


- George, Bill and I have been married for years

and I believe him.
- Yes?


- Guess one of us has to leave the room.

[audience laughing]


- Yes.

Me.


- Boy, that's a switch.

[audience laughing]

George, wanna see the pictures of my weekend so far?


- Yeah.


- Okay.

This is me in my tree house.

That's [indistinct] and his cat Ted.

That's Ted with sunglasses and a cigarette in his mouth.

[audience laughing]


- Shouldn't do that to a little kitty.


- It's okay.

We can't light it, 'cause the chocolate will melt.

You wanna keep it?

Everyone gets to keep a picture.


- No, if you've seen one cat with shades,

you've seen them all.

[audience laughing]

Maybe Katherine would like it?


- No she doesn't.

She got her picture and picked it up

and locked it in her desk.


- She locked it in her desk?

She never locks her desk.


- She did today.

Then she hid the key between page nine and

in that poetry book you gave her on the first date.


- Wait a minute, lemme just see if I have the straight.

Katherine took a picture and locked it in her desk.


- How do I know?

I'm no snoop.

[audience laughing]


- Why don't you go get yourself a snack?


- Okay.

Footsickle or carrot sticks?

Footsickle.

I ate carrots last year.

[audience laughing]


- Page nine.

[George gasping]

[audience laughing]

Oh, Cass,

are you alone?

We have to talk.

You know, it wasn't Katherine and Bill.

It was Bill and Katherine.

[audience laughing]

Yes, I'll be right down.

[camera buzzing]

Gee.

What are you sneaking around like that for?


- I'm not sneaking.

I just don't weigh enough

to make a lot of noise when I walk.

Who's that on the phone?


- When, now?

It was me.


- I know, but who was on the other end?


- It was Cass.

Cass, I'm calling Cass.

I have to go down and talk to her.


- Can I come?


- No.

No, this is man and woman talk.


- Wouldn't it be easier for Cass to come up here?


- No.

You're gonna have to trust me on this.

Now, I'm gonna go down there and talk.

Will you be okay?


- Sure, uncle Jerry should be here any minute.


- Good.


- Don't tell anyone where I am.

I don't want anyone to know that we're downstairs.

Promise?


- Promise.

I don't get it,

but I promise.

[gentle music]

Jerry, do you ever feel like

there's something going on

and everybody else is in on it except you?


- Most of my life.

[audience laughing]

Why?


- Well, all the grown ups around here are acting weird.


- I'm sorry.

That does not compute.

More information is necessary.


- Okay.

They've got secrets and they keep disappearing.


- Oh.

Secrets and disappearing.

Well, that's not very much information to go on.

You got any more clues?


- Well, you and ma'am had a secret conversation.


- Well, that wasn't exactly a secret.

We were just talking about stuff.


- I'm sorry.

That does not compute.

More information necessary.


- Well, we were talking about Cassie and Bill.


- About the anniversary?


- Yes, that's it exactly?


- Then, how come ma'am didn't want me to hear

what you were talking about?


- Well, I guess she didn't want Cassie

and Bill to find out what their anniversary presents were.


- Presents.

Now I know what everybody's been sneaking off.


- You do?


- Sure, it's just like Christmas.

See, George and I sneak off to get ma'am some presents.

Then ma'am and I sneak off

and get George some presents

and they both sneak off and get me some presents.

[audience laughing]

So, everybody's been shopping.

Thanks Jerry.


- That was the least I could do.

[audience laughing]


- [Katherine] Hello, where is everybody?


- In here in my room.


- Where's George?


- I saw nothing.

I heard nothing.

I know nothing.

[audience laughing]


- Do you know where George is?


- Yes, but he made me promise not to tell.


- Oh well.


- What did you get for me?


- Well, you can make your choice.

You can tell me.


- Well, he's downstairs with Cassie

and he said they wanted to be alone

and they didn't want any interruptions.


- George said that?


- He said it had something to do

with him being a man and Cassie being a woman.

He said don't go down there

because the last thing he wants,

is someone walking in on them.

[audience laughing]


- George said that?

Our George?

[gentle music]


- This is gonna make a great sh*t.

On the count of three, blow out the candles.

One,

two,

three.

You're right, probably burn out sooner or later.


- Webster's right.

This is supposed to be a party.


- Interesting.

It's Bill's anniversary,

yet you gave George the first piece of cake.


- I thought he'd pass it over to Webster.


- That'd be fine with me.

[audience laughing]


- I wanted the piece with my name on it.


- I'll take a piece with anybody's name on it.

[audience laughing]


- I can't.

I've had enough.


- It's not what I heard.

[audience laughing]


- What, do you mean by that?


- Oh come on Katherine.

Did you really think I wouldn't find out

about you and...?


- Me and..?

What about you and ..?


- Don't poke me with your party hat.


- Come on, I know what's been going on.

Everybody had to buy anniversary presents.

So, all you really were doing was shopping.

[George chuckling sarcastically]


- Sounds like a great explanation.


- It's good enough for me.


- But I just couldn't figure out

what Bill was doing shopping at a motel.


- How'd you know that?


- I took a picture out of the school bus window.


- George was right.

You were at a motel and without me.


- Yes.


- No.


- Yes.


- It was the same motel we stayed at years ago.

I was just booking the suite for tonight.


- Oh, Billy, you booked the honeymoon suite

in the Venus Arms motel.


- Surprised?


- Oh boy.


- Oh,

Bill.

I,

oh I'm so,

I owe you an apology.


- You were actually talking about some...


- Exactly.


- With someone.

[Bill laughing]


- You were totally off base.


- [Cassie] Totally.

[honking toy]


- I was this close to knowing what was going on.

[audience laughing]


- There's no mystery Webster.

Cassie and I were just gonna celebrate

our anniversary, by spending the night at the motel.


- But you have a bed downstairs.


- Honey, I think it would be nice now

to clear up this whole situation.


- You mean you're gonna say something good

and I get to stay and hear it?


- Yes.

This whole thing has been about love

and the way that grownups,

married grownups show their love for each other.


- You mean all this has to do with the mushy stuff?


- It's mushy when you're nine,

but later on in life it gets pretty exciting.

[audience laughing]


- Suit yourselves.

But I do have one more question.


- Okay.

Make it direct and honest.


- Okay.

Can I please have a piece of cake?

[upbeat music]


- Webster.


- Will be back.


- In a moment.

[Webster laughing]


- Oh, I am so pooped after that party.


- How about you?


- Yeah, I'm gonna sleep good tonight.


- No, you're gonna sleep well.

Sleep well.

Goodnight sweetheart.


- Goodnight.

George.


- Yeah?

Just so you know,

we didn't put anything over on me.

Armchair's don't have elbows.


- Hey, you see you solved two mysteries tonight.


- How come tables have legs but no feet?


- Goodnight champ.


- Clocks have hands but no fingers.


- Go to bed.


- Where is the donut hole, after you eat the donut?

[audience laughing]


- Katherine,

I've created a monster.

[audience laughing]

[upbeat theme music]