03x08 - One More sh*t

[bunniefuu]

♪ Set in my ways ♪

♪ Losin' track of the days ♪

♪ Never gettin' caught up ♪

♪ Love was never brought up ♪

♪ It's not the thing to do ♪

♪ Ooh oh oh ♪

♪ It was you ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ You made me leap without takin' a look ♪

♪ I never thought forever ♪

♪ Was the best I could do ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ It was you and me ♪

♪ And you ♪

♪ It was you and me ♪

♪ And then came you ♪

[bright upbeat music playing]


- [Webster's Internal Monologue] It's not

that far to the hoop, feet, inches.

Less than feet.

I can do it, I can do it.

I can do it next time.

[audience laughing]


- Web! Aha, Mr. Basketball.

I thought I'd find you here.


- Hi George.


- How you doin'?


- I can't sh**t it far enough yet.

[basketball bouncing]
- You've been

practicing here for two weeks already.

Why don't you use that basketball court

I fixed up in the back yard for ya?

You were doin' great.


- That's a kids' basket.


- Well we gotta go.

It's gettin' cold and it's gettin' dark out.


- Okay, let me try one more sh*t.

I know I can do it.


- All right, but I mean are you loose?

Are you loose as a goose?

Those legs, how about those legs?

Shake those legs, baby.

[audience laughing] And the hips.

How about the head? Got the head?

Okay, great. Get that ball.

Tell that ball who's boss. [dribbling basketball]


- I'm boss.


- That's it, baby.

Okay. Now, talk to that basket.

Tell that basket something.

[audience laughing]
- George,

what do you say to a hoop?

[audience laughing]


- Say to the hoop, in your eye, hoopy.

In your eye.

[audience laughing]


- Okay then.

In your eye, hoopy, in your eye.

[audience laughing]
- Pah!

You've got a deaf hoopy.


- One more sh*t, one more sh*t.


- Nah, we gotta get goin'.

Katherine's makin' us a little dinner tonight.


- Why, what did we do?

[audience laughing]


- What did we do?

Come on, she's goin' away tomorrow

and she's making us a special dinner.


- Boy, I wish I had eaten a bigger lunch.

[bright upbeat music playing]

Race you to the car.


- After adding eggs to the blender,

turn at high speed,

[blender whirring] [audience laughing]

making sure the lid is in place.

[covering blender with lid] [audience laughing]

Okay. You know that's not at all bad.

[buzzer sounding]

What was that? Ah, the veggies.

Veggies.

Al dente.

[audience laughing]

My, yes.

Ah, the salad. What are you doing in there?

[audience laughing]

[Katherine coughing] [oven door squeaking]

[audience laughing]

[setting down bowl]

Well, voila! Salad Joan of Arc.

It's the turkey that's gonna make this that much better.


- Hi Ma'am.


- Hi honey.


- Are you okay?


- Sure I'm fine, why do you ask?


- No reason.

[audience laughing]


- Katherine, I'm goin' down the highway

in the car and I hear this rattling.

And I go over in the luggage compartment.

I look in the luggage compartment

and guess what I find.


- Awe. Those box boys at the market.

You never know where they put anything.

[audience laughing] [Katherine grunting]


- Now don't you wish you had a bigger lunch?


- You set the table and I'll help clean up.


- No, no my darling. You don't have to help me.

I think I have everything pretty well under control.


- Oh no, we'd like to help.

Wouldn't we like to help, Web?


- Oh sure. Yeah, why not?

What's this? Peacicle?


- Well you know, it isn't good

to overcook delicate vegetables.


- Could you pick up a few things in New York for me?


- Sure, I'd be glad to.


- Okay, a New York Knicks cap,

a cup of the Patrick Ewing story,

a picture of Patrick Ewing

standing in front of Madison Square Garden,

the official Patrick Ewing sweatband,

knee pads, and life
-size Patrick Ewing

sock and punch doll.
- Oh, all this hoopla

over a character from Dallas.


- Dallas?
- Dallas?


- Oh, wrong show?

[audience laughing]
- Basketball.

Don't you remember?

He's got a picture of the guy in his room.


- Oh, tall, muscular man.

Forcing a rather helpless ball through net.


- That's Patrick Ewing.

Oh, you can keep this. I have it memorized.


- Oh that means something's done. What could it be?


- It isn't the jello.


- Oh yes, I know, it's the muffins.

Oh look, oh they're perfect!

Well, it wasn't anything really.

Come on, let's begin everybody.

And remember, don't fill up on bread,

'cause we have dinner to come.


- What about the stuff on my list?


- Well I think we can find most of that stuff in Chicago.


- But it's not the same if it doesn't come from New York.


- Well my darling, the offer still stands.

George has the weekend off.

And Babs has plenty of room in her townhouse.


- Come on George, please, please, could we?


- I don't wanna go to New York

for a sorority convention. [audience laughing]


- It is not a sorority convention.

I am going to see my friend, Babs McBride.

We can all travel at half price

if we take the midnight flight.

What do you think? Hmm?


- You wanna go to New York?


- No, I just remembered George,

it wouldn't be any fun.

The Knicks and playing the Celtics on Saturday,

in Madison Square Garden.


- So? That sounds like fun to me, what's wrong?


- It's been sold our for a month.

And I couldn't stand being that close

and not going to the game.


- Maybe Babs could help.

She got us tickets to the opera

and that was sold out.
- Time out,

time out sweetheart.

I mean listen, I can get tickets.


- You can?


- Popoddopolus, very famous announcer.

Ex football player, come on.

All I gotta do is call down

to the Knicks office and bingo, we got tickets.


- That would be the best thing

that ever happened to me in my whole life.


- Well, you see my darling, everything

works out for the best in the end.


- Ma'am, I smell plastic burning.


- Plastic? I specifically asked for a real turkey.

[audience laughing]

[basketball dribbling]


- Webster Long has the ball.

The only thing between him

and the basket is Patrick Ewing.

He fakes to the left, he fakes to the right.

Catch me if you can.

Long throws, and Patrick comes up to block.

It's an incredible finger roll.

[audience laughing]

No good. [audience laughing]


- Hey Web, why aren't you in bed?


- I'm not in bed?

I must have been dribbling in my sleep.

[audience laughing]
- What's the matter with you?


- George, do you have a little voice

inside you, that talks to you?


- I sure do.


- And, do you listen to it?


- Why? What is your little voice tellin' ya?


- Well it's saying Webster Long, you stink.


- Well that's pretty rough.

Why do you suppose it's saying that?


- Because I'm the only kid in the class

who can't make a free throw on an official basket.

And then I'm close to girls.

[audience laughing]


- Well what does that little voice say to do?


- Keep trying.


- Ah, you see then? Keep trying.

That's all you gotta do is keep trying,

and you'll get it, but first of all,

you gotta get some sleep, you know what I mean?

You gotta have that sleep, Web.


- Yeah. Good.


- Goodnight, Web.


- Goodnight, George.


- No I don't want tickets for the Jets game on Sunday,

I want tickets for the Knicks game tonight.

Oh sure, sure I'll call ya back

when it freezes over, bub.

[audience laughing] [hanging up phone]

You know I got a feeling this guy's gonna come through.

What are you doing?


- I'm calling Babs.


- Oh, come on Katherine. The Garden's sold out.

President Regan would have a hard time getting a seat.


- Babs? Hi, Katherine.

No, no, no, no, nothing's wrong.

I was wondering, could you get me a couple of tickets?

Yeah no, to the basketball game?

The Knicks, tonight?

Oh okay. Mid court or behind the basket?


- Oh, mid court.


- Mid court, yes.

Oh, would you thank him for me?

I'm sure the boys will be very appreciative.

Okay, toodles.

[audience laughing] [sitting down telephone]

They will be waiting at Bab's house.

Lenard Bernstein isn't using his basketball tickets tonight.

[audience laughing]


- [George] Well champ, Madison Square Garden.

What do you think?


- [Webster] That I'd never get here.


- [George] Have I ever let you down?


- [Webster] Not yet, George.

I never thought I'd get out of that cab alive.

[audience laughing]


- Hey, tickets here, tickets, tickets!


- Here you go, your New York Knicks pennants.


- Wow, Patrick Ewing's home court.


- You think we're gonna make it. He he.


- Yeah, the best seats in the house.

Babs told me so.


- This is good.

They look the same, color's right,

even got today's date.

You guys are by far the most creative

gate crashers I've had today.

Tickets to the Metropolitan Opera, nice touch.


- What are you talking about?


- Oh no, we've got Ma'am's tickets.


- Everyone with opera tickets,

please stand to the side, come on.


- Wait, wait, wait, please, please.

George, have you got the tickets?


- I not only don't have the tickets,

someone stole my wallet.

[dark dramatic music plays]

Couldn't you just call down

to the Lincoln Center and find out

if there's two women down there

that are trying to get into the opera

with basketball tickets?


- Look buddy, you wanna tell me a sad story,

or you wanna fill out the lost item reports?


- May I use your phone?


- Here, touch tone.

[audience laughing]


- I'm gonna call down, and I'm gonna try

and get ahold of Katherine

before she goes to the restaurant.

She'll come down and switch tickets.


- Could you ask her to hurry,

so maybe we can see the second half?


- You guys really came all the way from Chicago?


- Yeah, to see Patrick Ewing.

He's my favorite player.

I never saw him play in person, but I will.

Because George is gonna ask Ma'am to come with the tickets.


- Hey kid, come here, look at this.


- The game!


- Yeah, now don't tell anybody I did this.

I've got an image to protect.


- I thought they weren't showin' it on TV.


- That's right, this is closed circuit.


- Remember the name of that restaurant

that Katherine was gonna go to?


- No, but I remember what she was gonna order,

linguini with clam sauce.


- Right, it's an Italian restaurant.

How many Italian restaurants could be in Manhattan, huh?

Huh? [audience laughing]

Okay, El Columbo, El Melinda.

Are you sure the opera's starting?

Oh, that's what that is.

No I thought someone stepped on a cat.


- Five, four, three
- Five, four, three


- two, one.
- two, one.

That was incredible!


- Ah, what a finish.

Ewing must've scored points.


- points and rebounds.

Too bad he missed all those free throws.


- Can you go down to where the band's playing

and have her paged?

[audience laughing]

Oh, well how about half
-time?

[audience laughing]

Yeah?


- Game is over.


- Game is over? The whole thing's done?

I'm sorry.


- Me too. At least I saw it on the TV.

And the crowd sounded like they were having a good time.

Say, do you think you might let us see the court?

I mean, I won't tell anyone that you were nice.

[audience laughing]
- How can I

say no to this face?

What a face, how could I refuse it?

All right, I'll get the key.


- Great! [knock at door]


- Looking for these?


- Katherine.


- Hi Ma'am.


- Even as we stand here, Placido Domingo

is thrilling his audience,

with his interpretation of Brigadeiro.


- I know darling, I heard some of it.


- And I have spent the last minutes

being thrilled with the New York City traffic.


- At least the Knicks won.


- My darling, I know.

As I was coming in, , jubilant fans

were pushing and shoving their way out.

[audience laughing]


- Well here's your tickets darling.

I'm so sorry. What can I say but I'm sorry?


- I'm sorry, too.

I guess none of us got to do what we wanted to do.


- Here we go, here's the keys.


- Ma'am, George, we get to see the court.

Come on, guys!


- That's great, champ.


- What's so great? It's just another wooden floor.


- This is the Garden.


- Well aren't they all the same?


- Sweetheart, you remember the first time

that you walked into Bloomingdales?


- Say no more.

[audience laughing]
- Okay, let's go.


- Oh and George, I think this is a moment

that only the two of you could really

appreciate.
- Sweetheart
-


- Besides, Babs is waiting in the car.

And I've got the tickets.

And if we really hurry, I'd can

make the second act of the opera,

okay?
- Okay, of course.


- But don't go away, don't you move a toe.

Here.


- Oh, my wallet.
- Yes.


- Darling, where did you get this?


- You gave it to me this morning for safe keeping.

See you later.
- Oh.


- [Webster] Wow. George?


- [George] Yeah?


- [Webster] This place is huge!


- Yeah, it's neat, huh?

Hey Web?


- Yeah?


- Let me ask you something.


- What?


- What are we whispering about?

This is the Garden, not a library.

[audience laughing]


- Oh yeah, people yell in this place.

[audience laughing]

[basketball dribbling]

George, Patrick Ewing!

[dribbling basketball]
- Wow.

[dribbling basketball]

[missing free throw]


- I'm short.


- Me too.

[audience laughing] Down here.


- How you doin'?


- My dad says you're supposed to talk to the basket.

You're supposed to say in your eye, hoop.


- Talk to it, huh?

[dribbling basketball]

In your eye, hoop.

[audience laughing] [sinking free throw]

Not bad kid, thanks. What's your name?


- Webster Long.


- George Popodopolos, how the heck are ya?


- John Thompson, what a surprise.

What's an old college coach like you

hangin' around the pro league for?


- I'm just a fan.


- Yeah? It isn't that you're trying

to get the big guy back, is it?


- Not really.

I'm trying to get him out to dinner,

but all he wants to do is practice.


- That's my kid he's practicing with.


- Really? Come on, I'd like to meet him.


- Hey Web, I want you to meet Coach Thompson.


- Pleased to meet ya.

I see you've already met Patrick.


- Yeah.


- Patrick, I want you to meet this old

football friend of mine, George Popodopolos.


- How you doing, sir?


- Nice to see you.
- Glad to meet you.

Webster here has been giving me

some pointers on my free throws.


- He's been practicin' everyday.


- That's the key, Webster.

Practice, practice, and more practice.


- Well, I don't need to be great.

I just wanna be good enough, so I can do it one time.


- One sh*t, huh? Come on.

I'll run, you dunk.

[audience laughing]
- Oh boy!

Both of us, crash the board.


- You got it.


- Yeah! [audience laughing]


- High
-five. All right.


- All right. [audience laughing]

George, two points.


- Yeah that's great, champ.


- He sure is full of enthusiasm, isn't he, George?


- How about some one on one?


- Yeah, he's got enough enthusiasm for everybody.

[dribbling basketball] [audience laughing]


- That was one of my best moves.


- Hey!


- Well, at least he was a little closer.


- Don't worry about it Webster.

You keep practicin', and before you know it

you'll be making every sh*t you take.


- You think so?


- Piece of cake.


- Well, it's getting a little late

and I know you guys are busy.

Thanks a million.


- It's a pleasure to meet you.
- Nice to see you Patrick.


- Same here, George.


- Come on, let's call it a night.


- Yeah, the best night of my life.

Bye Patrick, thanks for meeting me.


- Keep in touch, Webster.


- Are you kidding?


- Do I look like a kidder?


- George.

[audience laughing]


- I got a turkey, let's go eat.


- A few more sh*ts, Coach.


- Come on.


- Well that sure makes up for missin' the game, huh?


- Yeah. He gave me a high
-five.

A very high
-five. I'll never wash this hand again.


- You know what?

One of these days, you're gonna make that free throw.


- Yeah, maybe someday.

[basketball bouncing]

[intense anticipatory music begins]

Maybe today.

[dribbling basketball]

[upbeat focused music playing]

[crowd cheering]

[band playing]

[bright upbeat music resumes]


- Tongue, please.


- What am I licking?


- Our thank you note to Babs.

Although I will never be able to thank her enough,

for introducing me to Placido Domingo.

Oh George, when he took my hand

and kissed it and called me Bella.


- You should've told him your name was Katherine.

[audience laughing]


- Ma'am, George, remember my lucky wristbands?


- Yeah.
- Yeah.


- Well, I'd like you each to have one.


- Well thanks, champ.
- Well thank you honey,

but I thought they meant so much to you.


- Yes, that's why I'm givin' 'em to you,

for taking me to New York.


- Well you're very welcome,

and I'm glad you had a good time.


- Just out of a little curiosity, what's with the mitt?

You givin' up basketball for baseball?


- Of course not.

It's to protect my hand.

That's the one Patrick Ewing shook.

[audience laughing]

[bright music resumes]

[bright music fades out]

[company theme playing]