02x08 - Thanksgiving Show

[bunniefuu]

[energetic music]


- [George] Web, it's o'clock.

Are you still listening to records in there?


- Uh.

Not right now!

[Webster chuckles] [audience laughs]

[lively theme show music]

♪ Set in my ways losing track of the days ♪

♪ Only me to live for ♪

♪ Had no need to give more than I wanted to ♪

♪ Spending my time just holding the line ♪

♪ Never getting caught up ♪

♪ Love was never brought up ♪

♪ It's not the thing to do ♪

♪ Ooh it was you ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ You made me leap without taking a look ♪

♪ Ooh it was you ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ You reeled me right in line, sinker, and hook ♪

♪ Never thought forever was the best I could do ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ It was you and me and you ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ It was you and me and you ♪

♪ It was you and me ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

[gentle lively music]


- So, please, I need the flowers, okay?

It's Thanksgiving for crying out loud.


- Oh, that's the wrong color.


- Yeah.


- No, not spots.


- All right, thanks.

And I told...

Don't bet the Lions on Thanksgiving. You crazy?

[audience laughs]

Okay. Katherine, what are you doing?


- I'm trying to find something to wear

and there's nothing in there.


- It's because everything's out here!

[audience laughs]

Will you just relax?


- Oh, you know, if it weren't so important for Webster

to meet his grandparents,

I'd cancel Thanksgiving right now.


- You mean, right off the calendar?


- You got it.


- Really? It's just a dinner.

One dinner.


- I know. You don't know my mother.

She's the most disapproving woman in the world.


- You're exaggerating.


- [Katherine] Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You don't have these problems.

Your father's warm and he adores you.


- Yeah, he's a cutie pie.

[audience laughs]

But you know, sometimes he embarrasses me, Katherine.


- Why?


- Yeah. Well, I mean, he thinks I'm a kid.

You know, when I first went into the Pro League,

he found out I was going to summer camp.

He sewed my name in all my underwear.

[audience laughs]


- Oops, sorry.

Are you guys playing dress up again?


- No. [audience laughs]


- Oh, good. Smile!


- Oh, no, no, no, Webster. Please don't take my picture.

[audience laughs]


- I have to.

I'm starting a family album for my new family.

And as soon as Grandpa and Grandma get here,

I'm gonna get a picture of them, too.


- Oh, good. One big, happy family.


- They're still coming, aren't they?


- Sure, they're coming.


- Great. I never had grandparents before.

I hope they like me.


- Oh, honey, they're gonna love you. I guarantee it.


- Good. I'm gonna go take a picture of the turkey.

He's part of the family, too.

[audience laughs]

At least 'til seven o'clock.

[audience laughs]

See ya!

[bright music]

Cheese!

[camera clicks]

[audience laughs]

Holy moly!

[audience laughs]


- Cass, you know what this makes me feel like?


- Jim Henson?

[audience laughs]


- No, like a servant in my own home.

I don't understand why we have to come upstairs

and cook this Thanksgiving dinner for our tenants.

What are we, caterers?


- We're not catering. We're helping.

Besides, don't you remember the last time

Katherine tried to cook a special dinner?


- You mean, the night they b*rned old Dixie down?

[audience laughs]


- Hi, guys!


- Oh, good morning, Web
-

[camera clicks]

[audience laughs]


- Ster.


- Happy Thanksgiving.

Did I tell you that my Uncle Phillip is coming

and that I'm gonna meet my grandma and grandpa

for the first time.

And I made presents for everybody.


- You must be pretty excited.


- Yeah, I'm a little nervous, too.

What do you think I should say when I meet them?


- Well, how about hello?


- Don't you think that's a little pedestrian?


- All right, try, "Welcome!"


- Too formal.

[audience chuckles]


- Greetings?


- Too forced.

[audience laughs]


- Well, how about,

"Come in, sit down. Please drive our car."

[audience laughs]


- Too pushy.


- What do you want from me?

I don't even know these people.


- Maybe I'll just say, "Hi."


- Oh.

I like it.

[audience laughs]

Sums up the feeling,

yet maintains an economy of language.


- Huh?

[audience laughs]


- It's perfect.

[doorbell rings]


- I'll get it!

I'll get it!

I'll get it!

I got it!

[audience laughs]

You must be Grandpa!

Hi, Grandpa!


- Ah, Webster.

My sweet little baklava!

Mmmm
-muah!

[Grandpa chuckles]

Let me look at you.

Oh, it's so good to see
-

[camera clicks]


- Nothing. [audience laughs]

I see nothing.

Big spots.


- Here, Grandpa.
- Huh?


- Sit down.


- Oh, alright.

My goodness. What a pretty house!

[Grandpa chuckles]

Oh!

I bring you present. All the way from Crete.


- Thank you! Thank you!

Thank you. Thank you.

[Grandpa chuckles]

Wow!

Dirt.

[audience laughs]


- It's not just dirt that is earth from homeland.

Three thousand years of history is in that bag.


- Oh, so it's all dirt.

[audience laughs]

[Grandpa chuckles]

Thanks.


- Webster! Who's down there?


- It's Papa Papadopolis!

[audience laughs]


- We'll be right there. Whew.


- It's for you.


- Well, I'm ready.

First thing he's gonna do is call me his sweet baklava.

And then he's gonna say, "Come, let me look at you. Ha, ha."

And then he's gonna grab my cheeks, Katherine,

and pinch 'em 'til they're black and blue.

[audience laughs]


- [George] Ah!

[Grandpa laughs]


- Hiya, Pop!


- Ah, my sweet little baklava!

[George chuckles] [audience laughs]


- Did you hear that? What did I tell you?


- Let me look at you!


- Two for two.

[George chuckles]


- Ah, Katerina.

[audience laughs]

You're even prettier than the last time I see you.


- Oh! Thank you, Papa.


- Hiya, Pop.

[Grandpa chuckles]


- Hi, Georgie.

[audience laughs]

I remember when you come to Crete for your honeymoon.

[Katherine and Grandpa chuckle]


- Pop.


- Huh?


- Your little baklava.

[audience chuckles]


- Yeah, I see you, Georgie!

[audience laughs]

Come give Pop a big kiss!


- Oh!


- [Both] Mmmmm.

[audience chuckles]


- Papa! It's good to see you, too.

[Grandpa chuckles excitedly]


- You have something for me?


- Huh?!

Ooh! Ooh, here!

Here!


- Aww. Little gift, though.

[gift wrap paper crinkles]

[audience laughs]


- Five pounds of goat chips.

[audience laughs]

Just throw in backyard!

Next year, you have whole olive grove.

[audience laughs]


- Goat chips.


- Don't feel bad, George. I got dirt.

[audience laughs]

[bright music]

[doorbell rings]


- [Papa] I'll get it!

I'll get it!

[audience laughs]

I got it!

[audience laughs]


- Oh, my!

I'm looking for a Katherine Calder
-Young

or a George Papadopolis.


- I am a George Papadopolis.

[Grandpa chuckles]


- I see.

Taxi!

[audience laughs]


- Mother! Oh.


- Oh! Katherine.

Hello.

[lips smack]


- Oh, ah, Mother, this is George Papadopolis, Sr.

This is my mother, Emily Calder
-Young.

[Grandpa George chuckles]


- Emily.

[audience laughs]


- Oh!


- It's so nice to meet you.

[audience laughs]


- Papa.
- Hmm?


- Would you please take mama's bag upstairs to her room?

And while you're at it,

throw on a pair of pants.

[audience laughs]


- I thought it was family?


- Yes.

[audience laughs]

Come on in, Mother.


- Thank you, dear.

[door clicks]


- Uh, may I?


- Oh, thank you.


- Well, how are you?


- Very well, thank you.

And you?


- Fine.

Fine.

[Emily exhales loudly]


- Well.


- Uh.

Did you have a nice flight?


- Yes. Very nice, thank you.


- Well, it's been quite a while.


- Yes, quite.

Tell me, did you have a decorator?


- No, no. We decided to do it ourselves.


- Pity.

[audience laughs]


- Mother, how long can you stay?


- Just a day or so.


- Pity.

[audience laughs]


- Yes, but then we, Calder
-Youngs,

are such a busy breed, aren't we?


- Ah, Mother.

It's, it's been over a year since we've seen each other.

Mm, could we stop sounding like a Noel Coward play?

And just talk for a minute?


- Boy! That was fun.


- Yeah, we showed those guys, didn't we?


- I never heard of Hungarian football.

Are you sure low score wins?

[audience laughs]


- They bought it, didn't they?

[George laughs] [audience laughs]


- Boys?


- Oh! Hello.
- Boys.

I'd like you to meet my mother.

Mother, this is George and our son, Webster.


- Grandma! Hi!


- Oh, its...

[audience laughs]

Nice to meet you, Webster.


- Yeah, nice to meet you, too.

Come in, sit down. Please drive our car.

[audience laughs and applauds]


- Mrs. Calder
-Young, I,

I know that Katherine's told you a lot

about me because she's talked quite a bit about you.

And I just want to say how very happy I am to meet you.

Very happy indeed.

[Emily chuckles forcefully]


- May I have my hand back? [chuckling]


- Your handbag? Oh, sure, your hand back.

Oh, oh, I got it dirty, here.

[audience laughs]


- [George] Oh!

Oh, look it, Katherine. I got your dirty mother, dirtier.

[George chuckles] [audience laughs and applauds]


- I'm gonna get my camera. I'll be right back.


- Yeah. And I'm, I'm gonna go take a shower.

I'll be back in just a moment.


- Pity.

[audience chuckles]


- Mother, just stop it.


- Stop what? What do you mean?


- From the moment you walked in here,

you're acting like the queen of the manor

inspecting her serfs.

Well, let me tell you something, Mommy dearest.

Surfs up!


- Katherine! You've always overdramatized.

It's so confusing. I've never known what you wanted.


- What I want,

is a, is a kind word,

"I've missed you, Katherine."

Or, uh, "Are you happy in your new life, Katherine?"

Or,

"I'm proud of you, Katherine."


- Katherine, dear.

I've always tried to be sensitive to your needs. Well!

How does one adjust to living in a central time zone?

[audience laughs]


- Very easily.

Mother, I, I'd hope

that we would do better together, this time.

Well, I think I have to tell you, that,

your invitation, here, was not my idea.

Webster wanted grandparents.

I wanted a happy Thanksgiving,

but if I had to do over again...

[soft dramatic music]

I think I'll just make us some tea.

[gentle bright music]


- [Bill] So, did they invite us up for dinner or what?


- They asked us to join them for coffee.


- Coffee?!

We just cooked them a
-course meal.

And all they ask us for is coffee?

[audience chuckles]

You're real sports!

[audience laughs]


- They asked us to come up as soon

as we got home from our dinner party.


- We're not going to a dinner party.


- I know that. You know that.

They think differently.


- Why would they think differently?


- Because they decided to believe a bird stuffer

who was too proud to admit we had no place

to go for Thanksgiving.

[audience laughs]


- They're so colorful.

[audience laughs]

I'd k*ll for turkey leg.

[audience chuckles]


- Hi, Bill. Hi, Cassie.


- [Cassie] Hi, Webster.

Pull up a chair.


- No, thanks. I'd rather stand.


- Is something wrong?


- Nothing, I just thought I'd drop down, say hello.

sh**t the breeze.


- So,

something is wrong.


- Wrong? What could be wrong?

Grandma's mad. Ma'am's sad.

Her eyes are all red and teary

and Uncle Phillip isn't coming.

See?

He's doing a benefit for a large moose.

[audience laughs]


- That's a Moose Lodge.

[audience laughs]


- Oh! But look, he's sending you a present.


- It's not the same.

I wanted this Thanksgiving to be fun.

But if Ma'am and her mother don't make up pretty soon,

everything's gonna be real yucky.


- And don't worry, Webster.

You know, mothers and daughters argue

and, eventually, they work it out.


- I wish I could do something

to make them hurry up a little.


- Play Santa.


- Huh?


- The gifts you made. Start handing them out.


- That's a good idea!

You guys are really smart.


- Yes, we are.

[audience laughs]


- Oh, and Bill, are we having cold cuts without turkey?


- No. Why?


- Well, Ma'am said cut the bologna

and come up at seven.

[audience laughs]

[gentle lively music]


- [Webster] Mail call! Thanksgiving special delivery.

I've got something for Grandpa Papadopolis.


- Oh, thank you!


- And I have something for Grandma Calder
-Young.

Now wait, before you open them.


- Oh.


- Okay. Grandpa, you first.

[camera clicks]


- Woo! [chuckles]

Oh, my goodness!

Just what I always wanted.

It's, um,

it's a,

what is it?


- Mustache shampoo.

I made it from Ma'am's leftover soap. So, it'll smell nice.

[Grandpa chuckles]


- That's what I thought. Exactly what I need!

Thank you, my little moussaka.


- Okay, Grandma, you're next.


- What is it?


- It's a Popsicle stick picture frame.

I had to eat whole popsicles to make that.

[audience laughs]


- My, how quaint and sticky.

I'll tell you, leave it here.

And then, I'll see it whenever I come visit.


- But I made it for you to take home with you.


- Mother, just say, "Thank you."


- I'm sure I did.


- I'm sure you didn't.


- Oh, could you move over close

to Ma'am so I can take this picture.


- Ladies, would you get together?

He wants to take a picture.

[camera clicks]


- Oh, young man.

Please stop flashing that thing in my face!

I feel a headache coming on.


- Lighten up, Emmy.


- George, respect your elders.


- Emmy? I never.


- Headache? Well that's wonderful.

You've had headaches all my life.

Anytime we children were too much for you.

Anytime you didn't wanna get involved.

I have a headache coming on.


- Well, we're not all as strong as you are, Kather
-


- Mother! What is the matter with you?!

This is my home! This is my husband!

This is our child! Don't you have any feelings?!


- You watch how you speak to me, young lady!


- Katerina, this is your mama!


- Pop, it's none of your business!


- George, shut your mouth!

[audience laughs and applauds]


- Stop it, everybody! Stop it, stop it, stop it!


- [George and Grandpa] Webster.


- I don't care!

This is our house.

We were all happy until you came along.

[soft dramatic music]

I wanted a big family and grandparents,

but I don't care anymore.

Here! Keep your pictures.

[gentle dramatic music]

Okay guys, we're gonna have our own Thanksgiving

and I don't want any yelling or fighting.

[audience laughs]

Hey, I just thought of something.

We haven't even eaten yet

and you guys are already stuffed.

[audience laughs]

Good one, Webster Long! [laughs]

You know, I wish Ma'am and George were here.

[door taps]

George?


- Hi, champ.


- Are they still fighting?


- I'm not sure.

You okay?

You wanna talk?


- Pull up an animal and have a seat.

[audience laughs]


- Katherine,

I'm not a young woman anymore.

Change isn't easy for me,

but that doesn't mean I meant to hurt you

or that I don't feel pain when you hurt me.


- How have I hurt you?


- You shut me out, Katherine.


- That's because you never showed me the way in.

[soft dramatic music]


- I know.

I realized that when you got married.

The most important event in your life,

and how did I find out about it?

A postcard from a tourist shop in Crete.

Whirlwind romance. Married aboard, ship.

More later.


- Mother, when I decided

to get married,

it was because,

I had never been

allowed to be impetuous before.

Well, it's true!

I mean, my life was, was very planned, very ordered.

And this was,

fun.

But I, I never meant to hurt you.


- I'm sorry.


- Thank you.

I love you, Katherine.

You may find it hard to believe, but it's true.


- I love you, too.

[door knocks]


- [Webster] May we come in?

[door clicks]


- Come in.


- I just wanted to say, "I'm sorry."


- Oh, no, Webster. It's I who owe you an apology.

I, I'm afraid I spoiled all your Thanksgiving plans.

I'm sorry.


- It's okay, Grandma.


- Please don't call me, Grandma.


- Mother.


- Call me, Nana. I've always wanted to be called Nana.


- You mean like the big dog in Peter Pan?

[audience laughs]


- All right. [chuckles]

Oh.


- [Grandpa] Hello!

Katerina!

Ah, there you are.

Oh, now this is Thanksgiving. [chuckles]

You make me very happy. [chuckles]

Come my little baklava. Say I love you.


- I love you.

[audience laughs]

[both laugh]


- Guys, could we cut the mush

and have our Thanksgiving dinner?


- Yeah.
- Yes! I'm hungry.


- Come on. I wanna taste your turkey.

[bright music]

[door clicks]


- Well, I'm glad you finally got it.

Your bird was getting cold.


- Webster, a present just came for you.


- Huh?


- I said a present just came for you.


- Hey! [laughs]

[audience cheers and applauds]


- I thought you were dancing with the moose, tonight.


- What kind of turkey would I be to miss our first

Thanksgiving dinner together with the family?

[gentle solemn music]

[group chatter]


- Webster
-


- Will be back
-


- In a moment. [giggles]

This was a good idea, George.

Now we can all be in the picture.


- All right, everybody.

Remember on the count of three you say, "Cheese",

just like I taught you!

Ready?

One,

two,

three!


- [All] Feta! [camera clicks]

[audience laughs] [lively music]

[bright theme show music]

[energetic Paramount theme music]