02x01 - Webster Long: Part 2

[bunniefuu]

[calm music]


- [Narrator] Last on "Webster."


- You see, Ma'am and I love you very much

and we'd like to make this family official.

We want to adopt you.


- You do?


- I want to adopt you too.


- Yay!


- We had party last night, everyone came.

Even my Uncle Philip.


- [Katherine] Mm
-hmm.


- And he wants to adopt us

and we can all live together.


- We can't all live together.


- See, a choice has to be made.

And you can't be legally adopted by two families.


- Why not? I love all of you guys.


- Why are you trying to take Webster away from us, Philip?


- I want my brother's son.

I want to give you your heritage, baby.

See, we the only family we got left.


- I love you guys,

but I also love my Uncle Philip too.


- I'm gonna have to stay and fight, George.


- Yeah, well, we're gonna have to fight too, Philip.

[gentle music]

[upbeat bright music]

♪ Set in my ways ♪

♪ Losing track of the days ♪

♪ Never getting caught up ♪

♪ Love was never brought up ♪

♪ It's not the thing to do ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, it was you ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ You made me leap without taking a look ♪

♪ I never thought forever was the best I could do ♪

♪ Then came you ♪

♪ It was you and me and you ♪

♪ Then came you ♪ ♪ It was you and me ♪

♪ And then came you ♪

[calm music]


- George, do you think I'm overdressed?


- Fine, thank you.

[audience laughing]


- What are you doing?


- I'm buffing my banana.

[audience laughing]


- Leave the wax fruit alone.

Now, honey, I know you're nervous. I'm nervous too.

But whenever there's a custody dispute,

the caseworker has to inspect the child's home.


- Fine, let her inspect this.

[audience laughing]


- Tacky. Now.

[gasps] Wait a minute, what about Webster?


- Yeah, what about Webster? Some kind of kid, huh?


- George, Webster!


- Yeah, I know, I love that guy.


- No, he's not home from school, George.

And I know these caseworkers.

They get very cranky if you misplace your child.

[audience laughing]


- Maybe his name won't come up.

[audience laughing]

[doorbell chimes]

Oh, you see, there he is, nothing to worry about, darling.

[George clears throat]

Hello, there.

We're dead meat.

[audience laughing]


- I'm Ms. Young.


- She's Ms. Young.


- From the Department of Supportive Services.


- From the Department of Supportive Services,

Katherine.
- I heard, George. I heard.

[Ms. Young clears throat]


- Um, may I come in?


- Oh yes, please, please come in.

Use any of our chairs.

[audience laughing]


- So, where's Webster?


- Let me handle this.

[footsteps tapping]

Where's Webster?

Come on, Ms. Young,

you must have harder questions than that. [chuckles]

Right, Katherine? [Katherine laughs]


- She must. [laughs]


- I do, but I usually like to start out

with something basic like where's the child?

[audience laughing]

[George chuckles]


- Looks like she's backing us in a corner, Katherine.


- Yeah, I guess we're gonna have to answer this one, George.

[Katherine chuckles]

You wanna answer it, George?


- Not right now.

[audience laughing]


- Hi, Ma'am, hi, George.


- Webster, oh, where have you been?


- Nowhere.


- What were you doing?


- Nothing.


- You see he was nowhere doing nothing,

we knew that. [chuckles]

[audience laughing]


- Well, yes, exactly.

I mean, we had it just planned like that.

Today he was nowhere doing nothing.

Yesterday he was nowhere doing something.

And tomorrow he'll be somewhere doing something.

[audience laughing]


- Right, we always try to vary his schedule. [laughs]

[audience laughing]


- Well, I'm all ready, Ma'am.

And George, no gushy stuff when we say goodbye.


- What are you talking about? Who's saying goodbye?


- Well, I have to go with the caseworker

to the children's home.

That's where they make you go

when the caseworker comes.

That's where they made me go

when Mommy and Daddy d*ed.


- Oh, honey, you're not gonna go to any children's home.


- No.


- I'm not?


- Definitely not.


- Boy, this is sure getting confusing.

[audience laughing]


- Oh, um, Ms. Young
-


- I understand.

Um, why don't I come back later this afternoon?


- [sighs] Thank you.


- So I guess what we're trying to say is

it's a little difficult.

You know, you're a kid and everything and
-


- Guys, did Uncle Phillip say

he didn't want me anymore?


- Oh, no, darling, he wants you very much,

and we want you too.


- Then how come you got me?


- We didn't get you.


- Well, not yet anyway.


- Yes.

You see, there's this man called a judge

and he's the one that's gonna make the decision.


- That's not fair.

What if he doesn't like us?

What if he thinks Uncle Philip was silly

or you guys are dumb or something?


- Dumb.

[audience chuckling]

Why would he think we're dumb?


- George, that's wax fruit.

[audience laughing]

Sweetheart, he is going to get to know

and to like all of us.

And then he's gonna figure out exactly

what is best for you.


- But how's he gonna know what's best for me?

He's never tucked me in.

He's never taken care of me.

And anyway, you guys are supposed to know

what's best for me.


- I know, sweetheart.

But the truth is it's not our choice.


- Then I don't like the truth.

And I don't like judges

and I'm not gonna listen anymore, I'm gonna sing.

♪ Na, na, na, na. ♪
- Hey.

♪ Na, na, na, na. ♪

[audience laughing] [gentle music]


- Webster?

[ceremonial music]


- How come we had to get all dressed up

if the judge is blind?

[audience laughing]


- It isn't the judge that's blind, sweetheart,

it's justice, that's blind.

See, in our country,

justice isn't based on race, creed, or religion, or someone

liking someone else better
-
- You mean

the judge is gonna like us all the same?


- Yeah.
- You got it, champ.

In this great democracy of ours, all of us are equal.

[judge laughs]


- [Philip] See. So there goes the only way

I can work it out. [laughs]


- Oh, Philly. I love you.

[audience laughing]


- Though some may be more equal than others.


- Judge, meet the Papadapolises.


- Ah.


- This is George.


- Pleased to meet you.


- And his lovely wife, Katherine.


- How do you do?
- How do you do?


- Uh. Judge Wendy Barshall.


- Wendy.


- Wendell. Only a good pal like Philly

could get away with using that old nickname.

[hand slaps] [Phillip groans]


- Hey. [laughs]

[audience laughing]


- And you must be Webster. Pleased to meet you.

You know, you look just like your pop.


- I do?


- Yeah. And I see a resemblance

to your Uncle Philly there too.


- Yeah.


- Wow. I must look handsome.

[Phillip and Wendell laugh]


- Check this out. [laughs]


- Uh. Your Honor.

Um.
- Er. Right.

Webster, I'll see you in a few moments.

Philly. You take it easy, buddy.


- Good seeing you Wendy.
- Same here.


- Uh, Wendell.


- Thank you.

[hand slaps]

Shall we?

[audience laughing]


- Blind justice, huh?

[audience laughing]

[George clears throat]


- Uh. Your Honor, I think we have a problem here.


- You mean Phillip?

We can talk about that in a moment.

Do you mind if I disrobe?


- Your Honor. Not to mention my honor and my wife's honor.

[Katherine groans] [audience laughing]


- Relax. It's just a little judicial humor.

[Katherine laughs] [audience laughing]

Please have a seat.

This isn't an official hearing,

but in all honesty I must tell you, it's always a plus

for a black child to be placed with a black family.


- We didn't mean to be white.


- Of course you didn't.

[audience laughing]

And the court can't allow color to determine this decision.

I have read the caseworker's report,

and you both seem to be wonderful parents.


- Thanks.
- Thank you.


- Now, as for Philip.

He and I went through grade school together,

and though we haven't seen each other in years and years,

based on a prior relationship, I'm bound to tell you

it is your right to have me disqualified from this case.


- I agree.


- No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.

Um. Could we have a moment please?


- Certainly.


- George. This judge knows Phillip.


- There's a bulletin.


- Yeah. And he knows that we know he knows Philip.


- So?


- So, if he knows that we know he knows Philip,

then he knows we know he knows someone he oughtn't to know.

[audience laughing]


- You know, I don't like it when you talk like that, Kathy.


- Oh, George. It's just like Little League.


- What do you know about Little League?


- Well. Only what you told me.

When you're umping the game and your kid is playing,

then the close calls go to the other team.


- Oh, so
-
- Ssh.


- [whispering] So we're the other team?


- [whispering] Yes.


- But if we
-
- Ssh.


- [George] Oh.

[audience laughing]

[hands slapping and fingers clicking]


- Champ, Judge Wendy'll see you now.


- Okay. Can I take Teddy?


- Of course you can.


- Come on scaredy cat. The judge won't hurt you.

[Katherine chuckles]

[audience laughing]

[Phillip clears throat]

[Phillip sighs]

[audience laughing]


- [sighs] So?


- So?


- So.

[audience laughing]


- Back to you, Philly.

[audience laughing]


- Listen. George, Katherine. Webs and I have been talking.

And, well, we, we think it'd be nice

if we could spend some, some time together.


- Oh. Well, Sunday afternoon might be all right.


- Uh, yeah. We've had Sunday afternoons.

Yeah, I was thinking more along the line of, um.

Oh, maybe a whole weekend.

And I'd like the chance to really take care of him.


- You think a whole weekend

is gonna be really taking care of him?


- Yeah

[melancholy music]


- Taking care of him is getting him up every day for school

and putting him to bed every night.

And being frantic when he is five minutes late,

and getting up in the middle of the night to rock him

when he's had a nightmare, Phillip.

That is taking care of him.

[melancholy music]


- Then that's exactly what I'd like to be doing, Katherine.

That's why we're here today, now isn't it?


- Order in the court. Order in the court.


- I'll have a BLT on toast.

On second thought, hold the BLT,

hold the toast and hold it down.

It's a court of law.


- This is fun.


- Oh, good, son.

I want you to feel comfortable in these chambers.


- You know, maybe I'll be a judge whin I grow up.


- [Wendell] Oh. I bet you'll be a good one.


- Else, maybe I'll be a football player

like my dad and George.

Or maybe I'll be a dancer like my Uncle Phillip.

[Wendell laughs]

Or maybe I'll be whatever Ma'am is.

[Wendell chuckles]

[audience laughing]

Judge Wendy.


- Wendell.


- Okay. Wendell,

[audience chuckling]

I'm not gonna be alone, am I?

I mean, Ma'am and George and Uncle Phillip

said they're gonna fight.

What if they get so mad that nobody wants me?


- Oh, Webster son.

Your, your, [sighs]

your guardians and your uncle love you very much.

And the kind of fight they're talking about.

Well, it's not a mad fight.

Everybody, including myself, we're all gonna be fighting

to find the best home for you.

To find out where you're gonna be happiest.


- You mean how I feel counts.


- It certainly does.

It's gonna be a big part of my decision.

[phone rings]

Excuse me a minute, Webb.

[handset clunks]

Judge Marshall's office. Speaking. Mm
-hm.

[melancholy music]


- This is really bad, Teddy.

If I pick Ma'am and George, Uncle Phillip won't like me.

If I pick Uncle Phillip, Ma'am and George won't like me.

I'm scared, Teddy. What are we gonna do?

[melancholy music swells]

[gentle music]


- [George] Three days, Katherine?

Friday, Saturday and Sunday.


- [Katherine] Yep.


- [George] And, well I say we call it off.


- George, what are you really trying to say?


- That I love him.

[Katherine softly kisses]


- [whispering] And I love you too.


- George. While I'm away with Uncle Phillip,

Can my snake sleep under your bed?

[audience laughing]


- Your what?


- She likes it there.

It's nice, cool and dark.


- His what?

[audience laughing]


- I bought him a snake.


- You what?


- I'll, I'll take care of Dr. Plotsman.


- Dr. Plotsman? Dr. Plotsman is my oral surgeon.


- Oh. So there can't be two Dr. Plotsmans

in this whole world.

[audience laughing]


- [Webster] Guys, should I put Dr. Plotsman

back in his cage?


- Yes.
- Yeah.


- Ma'am, George?


- What?


- Nothing. Nevermind.


- No, no, no. Come on Webster.

Nothing, nevermind usually means something.

What's on your mind?


- Well, it's just, how come you guys like me?

I mean I'm pretty sure you do,

but I just wanna know how come


- We're a family. You made us a family.

And when you're sad then, I don't know,

we just try and do everything we can to make you happy.

And when you're happy, suddenly we're happy.

I don't know why. We just are.

Maybe it's because
-

[doorbell chimes]


- Uncle Phillip. Uncle Phillip


- We love you.


- Cheer up Webb. It's only three days.

[audience laughing]


- Hey, fella. [laughs] Are you ready to go?


- Well, Teddy's packed,

but I still have some stuff for me to do.


- Then what are we waiting for?


- See ya.

[Phillip vocalizes train chugging]

[door softly closes]


- All set for the weekend Phillip?


- Yep. Yep. I've got so many activities planned.

We'll be busy for, for months.


- You don't have months.


- Yet.


- So, uh, Philip, er, what are your plans?


- Oh, you know, Katherine. The usual.

We'll probably go to the zoo.


- He's been there.

[audience laughing]


- Then lunch.


- Big deal. Lunch. He has lunch every day.

[audience laughing]


- I thought maybe we'd go to a movie.


- He's been to the movies.

We take him to the movies all the time.


- Hm, we'll find one he hasn't seen.


- [Both] He's seen everything.

[audience laughing]


- Uncle Philip.


- Yeah, baby.


- Could you sit on my suitcase?


- No, no, no, no. I'll do that.


- No, no. George. Come on. We're gonna be late for work.


- So we'll be late for work.


- George. We've got to let it go. It's their weekend.


- Thank you, Katherine.


- Okay, I'm coming.

Listen Champ,

have as good a time as you can,

and don't worry about Katherine and me.

Just because we're gonna be sad
-


- [Katherine] George.

[audience laughing]


- We'll be fine.


- You sure?


- Sure we're sure.


- I love you guys.


- We love you too.

Mm.

[footsteps gently tapping]

[door gently shutting]


- Oh Webster, while you're with Phillip this weekend

I just want you to remember one thing.

We bought you Dr. Plotsman.

[audience laughing]

[door shutting]


- What, what's a Dr. Plot
-


- And there's more where he came from.

[George clears throat]

[audience laughing]

[door shutting]

[Phillip laughs]


- Come on, fella. Let's go.

[hand patting]


- Uncle Philip.


- Yeah.


- I'm so glad you're my uncle.


- Wow. Gee, man.

You just made me feel like a trillion bucks.


- I did.


- Yeah, you did.

I tell you the truth though. I'm a little nervous.

I mean, this being our first weekend and all,

and I just don't
-


- Uncle Phillip.


- Yeah


- Sit on it.

[audience laughing]


- You say what?


- Suitcase.

[Phillip chuckles]


- Yes, the suitcase.

[audience laughing]


- Can we go to the park and have pizza and soda and
-


- We can do anything we want to do.


- We can?
- Yes, we can.

You see, I figured it like this.

When we are together

it should be like, um, top hats, magic carpets.


- Peter Pan. Cotton candy.


- Topsy
-turvys. Ins and outs


- Up and down like a rollercoaster ride.


- You've got it.


- Yeah. We're pals.
- Right.

[hands slapping]


- And we can do anything.


- Right.


- And it's not like you're my parents

or my family or anything.


- Right.

[melancholy music]

Wait a minute. That's, that's wrong.


- I am your family.


- Yeah, but you are not my everyday family.

You don't take care of me.


- I, I know. But I want to...

really, really bad.


- But see, George knew my daddy better than anyone else.

So I figure since my mommy and daddy are gone,

Ma'am and George are my real family now.

[melancholy music]


- Is that what they've been telling you?


- No, that's just how it is.

[melancholy music]


- Yeah. That's right.

[melancholy music]

That's how it is...

for now. Come on.

[music turns ominous]

I want to do something I should have done in the beginning.

I've had it with judges and lawyers.

[gentle music]


- It was lovely of you to take me to lunch, Angel
-buns.

But I don't see why we had to order

from the children's menu.


- I don't know. I thought the Bonzo Burgers were good.

Webb always liked the Bonzo Burgers.

Boy, Katherine. I miss that little kid.


- Yeah.


- Huh. Look at that. His little leg warmers he used to wear.


- Those are not leg warmers.

Those are my gloves.

[audience laughing]

Will you stop using the past tense?

He's still among the living, you know.

Don't do it, George.


- Okay. Then may I make a phone call?


- Yes. If that phone call is not to Webster.


- Well, for your information, it isn't to Webster.


- Oh.


- It's to Phillip.


- Why?


- 'Cause I wished him a lot of bad luck.

I just want to call

and see if any of those things came true.

[audience laughing]

I mean, I'd hate to think

that little Webb was over there all by himself.


- George.


- Alright. Alright. I won't call.

[phone ringing]


- Maybe it's Webster.


- He's thinking about me. It's telepathy


- Webster. Oh. Er, no, Webster Long isn't here right now.

Uh, yes, this is his home.


- Who is it?


- Some airline. His suitcase didn't get on his flight.


- Flight?


- What flight?

What do you mean you can't tell me?

Oh, well the hell with regulations.

The police. No, I don't wanna call the police.

I, I just don't wanna know where my son is.

Wait a minute. Hello? Hello?

[somber music]

[handset clunks]

Phillip's got him.


- What?


- Webster's gone. Phillip's kidnapped him.

[somber music]

[somber music swells]

[gentle music]

[gentle, upbeat music]

[ceremonial music]