07x12 - Citizens Arrest
Posted: 12/16/23 14:59
[snickering and farting]
[rock music]
* *
- Uh, hello. Can I, uh--
Hi, how--may I, uh....
Hey, Beavis, what's that thing we're supposed to say?
- Oh, um--
I think it's um, um...
Bunghole!
Yeah, that's it. Bunghole!
- Uh, do you want, like, some food or something?
- No, I want your money.
- Uh, will that be all for you today?
- Now, empty the drawer!
- Empty my drawers?
- I've got a g*n, idiot. This is a robbery!
- Whoa, cool.
[snickering]
Hey, Beavis, this dude says he's got a g*n.
[snickering]
- Cool.
Tell him to go home and get it!
- It's in my pants!
- Don't make me take it out!
- Yeah, yeah!
Whip it out!
- [cocks g*n] There!
Now give me some money!
- Whoa, uh...
Okay.
- Aw, damn. It's the cops!
Damn it!
- Yeah really, damn it.
It's that dumbass cop again.
He probably wants another free refill.
- All right, listen. I work here, you got it?
It's my first day, and you're training me.
Don't screw up. Remember, I got a g*n!
- Uh...
what was that g*n part again?
- Hey, fill it.
And not so much ice this time.
Do you work here?
- Watch where you're pointing that, butthole.
- What are you doing back there?
- Uh, tell 'em.
- I told you to stop that, asswipe.
- He's going to whip it out, Butt-Head.
- It's my first day on the job,
and this kid's training me. - Ugh!
Uh, could you tell this asswipe
to quit pointing his g*n at me?
- Freeze, scumbag!
Congratulations, you boys just made a citizen's arrest.
- Uh, really?
- Yeah, cool.
- Hey, Beavis.
That cop said we can just like, bust people and stuff
because we're like, citizens?
- Yeah, cool.
We're citizens now.
Citizens.
- Beware the long arm of Butt-Head.
- Yeah, beware of the long Wiener of Beavis.
[snickering]
[snickering]
- Yes?
- Uh, excuse me, sir, we're citizens.
- So? - Uh, how old are you, sir?
- What? - Yeah well, I think you're
old enough to know better.
Can you step out of the car, please?
- Why? What's this all about?
- Hey, we'll ask the questions, sir.
Uh, how much have you had to drink today, sir?
- Yeah.
You'd make it easier on us all
if you just cooperate.
- Hey, I'm going somewhere else.
- Uh...
[snickering]
- Well, everything looks secure out here.
Hey Butt-Head, let's arrest her.
[snickering]
- Yeah, she looks suspicious.
Excuse me, ma'am, is that yours?
- I don't know.
- You don't know, huh?
- Yeah, well maybe you better start remembering.
- Uh, ma'am, that wrapper didn't get there by itself,
and it's not just going to pick itself up.
So if you could just like, uh...
lean over and uh, you know.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Aren't you guys paid to clean it up?
- Ma'am, we're here to keep this store safe.
Now, we had a robbery earlier today,
and I was almost k*lled trying to protect this store.
Now, I don't know if you had anything to do with it or not,
but when I see garbage on the floor,
it tells me that people don't care.
And when people stop caring, that's when crime breeds,
and criminals take over, and--
- All right, all right, I'll pick it up.
- In society um--
- Whoa.
Cool.
- Yeah, now that's better.
Maybe you'll think about it next time.
[snickering]
- Hello?
I'd like to order.
- Book him, Beavis.
- Yeah, yeah, um, you're under arrest, sir.
- Very funny, smart-ass.
- Okay, now step out of the car, sir.
Nice and slow, move it.
Now, like, put your hands on the car and spread 'em.
- Yeah, yeah, spread 'em!
Spread 'em!
- Yeah, now whip out your schlong.
- Yeah, you're just making it
harder on yourself, pal. Come on.
- You better say something fast.
The cops are here already.
- Remember me?
- Oh, hey, how's it going?
Ow. - Ugh, hey!
- Aaah! Ow!
- Hey, you're under arrest.
[hard rock music plays]
- Hey, we're citizens!
Ahh!
["Prison Sex" by Tool plays]
- Whoa, check it out, Butt-Head.
It's an outie.
- That's not an outie, Beavis.
There's two of 'em, see? It's a nipple.
- Those aren't nipples, Butt-Head.
Look how low they are.
- No way, Beavis.
That's just 'cause she doesn't have
any legs or a butt.
- Oh yeah, yeah.
- Besides, nipples can be low.
Just look at your mom.
- Yeah, yeah, I guess they are nipples, yeah.
Woah, check out that black dude!
- Yeah.
He's going to save the day.
- Oh yeah, yeah.
* *
- Check it out, he's shaking his head.
Wake up! Wake up, h*nky!
- Yeah.
That dude's, like, saying, "Damn it, quit messing
with my head and go get my legs."
- Yeah.
[snickering]
* *
- Check it out Butt-Head, a slot.
- Yeah.
Your mother's a slot.
- That's not a moth-er, that's a bee.
- Whoa, that dude's got a pet bee.
- That's pretty cool, yeah.
If I had a bee, I'd teach it to go sting people.
It's like, sic 'em, boy, sic 'em!
Sting 'em in the butt, go!
- Yeah.
- Okay, good night, little dude.
See you tomorrow.
[rock music]
* *
[rock music]
* *
- Uh, hello. Can I, uh--
Hi, how--may I, uh....
Hey, Beavis, what's that thing we're supposed to say?
- Oh, um--
I think it's um, um...
Bunghole!
Yeah, that's it. Bunghole!
- Uh, do you want, like, some food or something?
- No, I want your money.
- Uh, will that be all for you today?
- Now, empty the drawer!
- Empty my drawers?
- I've got a g*n, idiot. This is a robbery!
- Whoa, cool.
[snickering]
Hey, Beavis, this dude says he's got a g*n.
[snickering]
- Cool.
Tell him to go home and get it!
- It's in my pants!
- Don't make me take it out!
- Yeah, yeah!
Whip it out!
- [cocks g*n] There!
Now give me some money!
- Whoa, uh...
Okay.
- Aw, damn. It's the cops!
Damn it!
- Yeah really, damn it.
It's that dumbass cop again.
He probably wants another free refill.
- All right, listen. I work here, you got it?
It's my first day, and you're training me.
Don't screw up. Remember, I got a g*n!
- Uh...
what was that g*n part again?
- Hey, fill it.
And not so much ice this time.
Do you work here?
- Watch where you're pointing that, butthole.
- What are you doing back there?
- Uh, tell 'em.
- I told you to stop that, asswipe.
- He's going to whip it out, Butt-Head.
- It's my first day on the job,
and this kid's training me. - Ugh!
Uh, could you tell this asswipe
to quit pointing his g*n at me?
- Freeze, scumbag!
Congratulations, you boys just made a citizen's arrest.
- Uh, really?
- Yeah, cool.
- Hey, Beavis.
That cop said we can just like, bust people and stuff
because we're like, citizens?
- Yeah, cool.
We're citizens now.
Citizens.
- Beware the long arm of Butt-Head.
- Yeah, beware of the long Wiener of Beavis.
[snickering]
[snickering]
- Yes?
- Uh, excuse me, sir, we're citizens.
- So? - Uh, how old are you, sir?
- What? - Yeah well, I think you're
old enough to know better.
Can you step out of the car, please?
- Why? What's this all about?
- Hey, we'll ask the questions, sir.
Uh, how much have you had to drink today, sir?
- Yeah.
You'd make it easier on us all
if you just cooperate.
- Hey, I'm going somewhere else.
- Uh...
[snickering]
- Well, everything looks secure out here.
Hey Butt-Head, let's arrest her.
[snickering]
- Yeah, she looks suspicious.
Excuse me, ma'am, is that yours?
- I don't know.
- You don't know, huh?
- Yeah, well maybe you better start remembering.
- Uh, ma'am, that wrapper didn't get there by itself,
and it's not just going to pick itself up.
So if you could just like, uh...
lean over and uh, you know.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Aren't you guys paid to clean it up?
- Ma'am, we're here to keep this store safe.
Now, we had a robbery earlier today,
and I was almost k*lled trying to protect this store.
Now, I don't know if you had anything to do with it or not,
but when I see garbage on the floor,
it tells me that people don't care.
And when people stop caring, that's when crime breeds,
and criminals take over, and--
- All right, all right, I'll pick it up.
- In society um--
- Whoa.
Cool.
- Yeah, now that's better.
Maybe you'll think about it next time.
[snickering]
- Hello?
I'd like to order.
- Book him, Beavis.
- Yeah, yeah, um, you're under arrest, sir.
- Very funny, smart-ass.
- Okay, now step out of the car, sir.
Nice and slow, move it.
Now, like, put your hands on the car and spread 'em.
- Yeah, yeah, spread 'em!
Spread 'em!
- Yeah, now whip out your schlong.
- Yeah, you're just making it
harder on yourself, pal. Come on.
- You better say something fast.
The cops are here already.
- Remember me?
- Oh, hey, how's it going?
Ow. - Ugh, hey!
- Aaah! Ow!
- Hey, you're under arrest.
[hard rock music plays]
- Hey, we're citizens!
Ahh!
["Prison Sex" by Tool plays]
- Whoa, check it out, Butt-Head.
It's an outie.
- That's not an outie, Beavis.
There's two of 'em, see? It's a nipple.
- Those aren't nipples, Butt-Head.
Look how low they are.
- No way, Beavis.
That's just 'cause she doesn't have
any legs or a butt.
- Oh yeah, yeah.
- Besides, nipples can be low.
Just look at your mom.
- Yeah, yeah, I guess they are nipples, yeah.
Woah, check out that black dude!
- Yeah.
He's going to save the day.
- Oh yeah, yeah.
* *
- Check it out, he's shaking his head.
Wake up! Wake up, h*nky!
- Yeah.
That dude's, like, saying, "Damn it, quit messing
with my head and go get my legs."
- Yeah.
[snickering]
* *
- Check it out Butt-Head, a slot.
- Yeah.
Your mother's a slot.
- That's not a moth-er, that's a bee.
- Whoa, that dude's got a pet bee.
- That's pretty cool, yeah.
If I had a bee, I'd teach it to go sting people.
It's like, sic 'em, boy, sic 'em!
Sting 'em in the butt, go!
- Yeah.
- Okay, good night, little dude.
See you tomorrow.
[rock music]
* *