Ghost Train, The (1941)

[bunniefuu]

Look! That's ours.
A tasteful three-piece bedroom suite,

with figured walnuts.
That's right.

Just think, day after tomorrow we'll be
waking up in bed.

Herbert!
Well, we're getting married, aren't we?

I can't get over that man in the shop.
Wasn't he nice?

Fancy giving us that lovely
fender fireiron and coal-scuttle.

I hope he doesn't get into trouble.

What's the good of them?
We've got gas fire.

Tickets please.

What time do we get into Truro?

You're due at half past ten.
Change at Falvale Junction.

Herbert? Half past ten.

Thank you.

I said we should have caught
that earlier train.

That furniture chap would keep on talking.

We shall cop it from her.

Now then, my lad.
This is a railway carriage,
not a playground.

Go on. Off with you.

This is a nonsmoker.
Tickets please.

Oh tickets.
What, again?

I haven't seen your ticket yet, madam.

Well if you haven't,
everyone else on your railway has.

Hush, Polly.

I've had to show it at
every station we've stopped at,

all the way from London.

I'm sorry, madam, but we have to
keep a check on travelers nowadays.

Well, perhaps you think
I'm a parachutist!

Perhaps you would like
to look at those parcels.

See if I've got a r*fle
or a machine g*n!

I only want to see your ticket, madam.

Here's my ticket...

and here's my identification card
and here's my ration book.

And if you want my birth certificate,
you'll have to ask Somerset House for it.

Truro. Thank you, madam.

Change at Falvale Junction.
It's the next stop.

You won't see the name on the station.

Took a bit of a chance putting it on the ticket,
didn't they?

Hey!
You!

Yeah you!
It's all right. You can go now. I got it.

What do you think you're up to?
Well, I lost me tipper.

You can't do that.
Can't do what?

Stop the train just to pick up your hat.

Well, I stopped it.
Don't be silly.

Here, tell you what I'll do.
There you are. I started it again.

Give me that!
All right. Give me a buck up.

I wish you'd cut your nails.

Oh, hello.

That chap's got a nerve,
dropping his hat out.

I say, what's happened?
She's smiling.

What? Eh?
I mean the train. Why did it stop?

Oh, some fool's hat fell off.
He pulled the cord.

Oh, bless my soul.
Good gracious.

Come back here!
I want your name and address.

Here now.
What's all the trouble?

No trouble at all.
I've got it now. Thank you.

Pulled the communication cord
and stopped the train to get his hat!

Did you get his name and address?

That’s what I'm trying to get.

Now sir...
Now where the...?

Come on!
Out of there!

Come on...
Come...!

Hello. You still here?
I was having a wipe.

This pop-pop's filthy.

Now sir...
All right. I'll handle this.

Thank you.

Are you going to give me your name
and address or are you not?

My name and address...
Well, uh..

Actually, I'm travelling incog...

But that's me, Tommy Gander,
comedian and entertainer.

Now what's the address?

For the next 16 weeks,
I'll be at the Pier Pavilion, New Key.

16 weeks.
Yes.

Well, we'll see how I go on Monday night.

You know, this will mean
a prosecution of 5-5-5, sir.

What for? I can't understand
what all this fuss is about!

You've stopped the train.
Well, it was only a little stop.

Besides, nobody minded.

Did any one here mind me
stopping the train for a few minutes?

"No."

We'll try another one...

Did anybody here...

Now look here, you better get
back to your compartment.

This is my compartment.
Thanks ever so for seeing me home.

Sir, if you wouldn't behave like this, I ...

You know, I don't think
this was your carriage.

Wasn't it?

Trouble is, they all look so much alike.

If one only had a different
color scheme in each compartment,

one could tell which was
one's own compartment.

Excuse me,
is this gentleman annoying you?

Who? Me?
I wasn't talking to you, little man.

Anyway, this is a first-class carriage.

Well what about it?
Well I bet you bill a third-class ticket.

I have not!
I've got a platform ticket.

Is he a friend of yours?

I never saw either of you
before in my life.

As I thought!
You don't even know the lady.

You forced your way into her compartment
and caused everyone a lot of annoyance.

Now run along to your own carriage
before I call the guard.

Here, let's be fair. After all,
this isn't your carriage EYE-ther.

EE-ther! ... EYE-ther! ... EE-ther!

Let's ask the lady.
It's a good idea.

Is it EYE-ther or EE-ther?
N-EYE-ther! ... N-EE-ther!

What's this?
Good afternoon.

Who are these people?
I haven't the slightest idea!

Is your name Winthrop?
Yes.

R.G. Winthrop?
Yes.

In that case, this is your bag.

Oh, and here's your coat.
And here's your scarf.

And here's your book.
Oh we mustn't lose the place.

There you are.
What are you two playing at?

One moment.
Winthrop, R.G.

Aren't you the all-rounder
that played to the MCC?

Yes, as a matter of fact, I am!

Oh isn't that wonderful.
I only need you to complete my set.

Set?
Yes, cigarette cards. 50 famous cricketers.

What are you two doing in here?

Well, he lost his hat.

Oh, so you're the idiot
who stopped the train.

Yes, I don't know my own strength!

My time happens to be valuable,
even if yours isn't.

Now perhaps you'll be good enough to move
out of here before I lose my temper.

Oh yes.
One minute...

If I remember rightly,
you were a boxing blow as well.

Yes, I was!

You mean you used to fight....
knock down... all the...

Oh, well, circumstances alter cases.

Good bye all.
Good bye.

We'd better be getting our things together.
We'll soon be at Falvale.

Oh you're changing at Falvale?
So am I. Is that a coincidence?

Are you going to New Key?
No we are not!

Oh. Well if you do,
must come and see me.

I'm in the concert party there.

My name's Tommy Gander,
and if you give that to the manager,

he'll give you a row seats to yourself.

Are you going to get out?
Or do I have to throw you out?

Oh Richard, does this...
Leave this to me!

Get out!
And stay out!

I don't like strange men trying to
scrape up an acquaintance with you.

Oh don't be silly, Richard.
You sound like something out of East Men!

Pick up my hat.
Cause of all the trouble.

Uh hmm!

See you at Falvale.

Oh, go away!

Falvale.
Train for Truro.

Falvale. Train for Truro.
Wake up! Look alive!

Well ever the fun thinks,
the worst of the journey's over now.

Yes I know, but half past ten!

What's she going to say to that?
I'd like to know.

I'll take the lady's bag...
...keep them all together...

...You take that one...
...uh, I'll take...

Can I have...

I'll show the lady!
Here! What do you think you're doing?

Okay.
Excuse me!

When the connection arrives,
it's sure to be crowded.

Wouldn't it be a good idea if
you were to come in my compartment...

...you and your brother?

The lady and her brother
are traveling first-class.

Besides, he doesn't like you.
Oh, a lot of people don't like me at first.

But you'd be surprised how
I grow on one.

Even your brother might learn to care.

Yes, I'm sure he would.
But he's not my brother!

Oh...
I know, he's your father!

I say, are these fellows
annoying you again?

Good afternoon.
Sorry, Dad!

Cheek!

Guard! Guard!
Open this door at once!

Oh, I'm locked in!

The door's further along, madam.
That's just a window!

Oh, thank you.
The idea!

Allow me, madam.
Can I take your parcels?

I'll take the aviary.
Thank you.

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8...

And my dust mask.
Thank you.

I'm going to see my decorated leases,
you know.

How nice.
And staying on one of those farms.

I'm taking them bacterinates from London
in case they can't get them down there.

Like rhinos. Very nice.
Have some?

Well that's Polly's! So...
He won't mind, will she?

Oh! Hey, wait a minute!
I've left my basket in the guard van.

Hey! I want my basket. It's in the van.
No it isn't. I threw it out on the platform.

Threw it out?
You'll be hearing from my solicitor.

You'll be hearing from the company!

I'll tell my mum of you!

Ah choo...
Ah guh chuh!

Dead and alive for the whole of this.
Where is everybody?

Hello!

Hello!
Hello!

Anybody?

Porter?

Anybody home?

There's no one around there.
Here's someone.

Ah, about time too!

When does our connection for Truro come in?

Come in?
It be gone quarter of an hour ago!

Oh blast! When's the next one?
There aren't no next.

There's no more trains through here tonight.

I be just going to lockup

Oh, ah Porter,
when's the Truro train coming?

Just in about nine hours, ma'am.
What?

I'm afraid our train was too late.
The connection went without us.

And do you know why it was so late?

Our comic friend with his comic hat!
Oh!

Hey you!
What's his confounded name?

Mr. Gander.
Gander, come here!

Most intelligent basket, that!
You know, it seems to know me.

Whenever I go near it,
it creaks.

As you got us into this mess,

perhaps you can think of some way
of getting us out of it.

Out of what?

Owing to your idiocy,
we've missed the connection!

Yes! And what's more,
there's no train for nine hours!

Nine hours.
That'll be tomorrow, won't it.

I've got to rehearse at New Key
at half past ten.

You should have thought of that
before you stopped the train.

Oh, I know.
We charter a special.

Special indeed!
And who's gonna pay for that?

Well, they can take it
out of the money I owe them.

In for a fiver, in for a special!
That's me!

Excuse me old man, you...
You'll get no specials here.

I could drop the form 6-4...

You mean to tell me we can't
get to Truro tonight?

Aye.
Leastways not by train.

Doesn't bear thinking about,
does it, Herbert?

Drive?

I suppose that applies
to Red Roofs too, eh?

No more trains tonight!
Nowhere!

But I'm expected at Red Roofs.
I promised Dr. Hariby...

Well of all the quaint places...
Oh, hello.

Where does that line
on the other side go to?

It don't go nowhere.
Oh, it don't go nowhere.

He means it stays where it is!
Ha ha ha!

Hello...
Oh lovely!

This is real concert party weather!
This will send them in.

Good gracious!
Can't stand here and get soaked, eh?

He could stand anywhere
and get soaked!

Pardon me...

Cozy little place, isn't it?

Well, if this is the Cornish Riviera,
give me Camberwell.

It's gloomy, isn't it?

So this is the Ritz-Carlton!
Oh, allow me.

There you are.
What the devil are you doing?

I was putting it on!
Oh.

Young man, you ought to be
ashamed of yourself!

Am I popular!
Hello, Polly! Polly!

Will you talk to me?
Polly. Polly Wantamore.

No? Sketch a Poll. Pretty Poll.
There's a Polly.

There's a lovely girl.

Are you one of the parrots
of Wimpole Street?

Oh, don't do that!
Not with company about!

There she is!
There's a girl.

I say, I wonder if I could
teach you to talk?

I wonder if you could say Heil h*tler?

Eh? No.
Not with a beak like that.

Don't listen to him, Polly.

You ladies and gentlemen be ready?
I'd like to lock up now.

Lock up?
You're not going to turn us out in this!

No! Why should I catch old-monia?
I've had new-monia, you know!

Ha ha. Ha ha.
That was witty!

You can't stay here!

No? Well I'm going to surprise you
for a start.

We're all staying!

The railway company has taken our money
and it's got to play the game!

Yes! Even on a sticky wicket!

But Richard, if there aren't any more trains...
then he'll have to get us a bus or something!

That's right! Give me a number 6.

I've got some friends who live in Hackney.

All fares ready. No standing on top.

Oh shut up!
I'm not traveling in any bus.

I paid to go all the way by train.

Besides, Polly hates the smell of petrol.

Pretty Polly, don't you?
There must be some way, hmm?

Dr. Hariby of Red Roofs is expecting me.

I'm going there as his locum.
And he's leaving on holiday tonight.

You see, you must do something.
We've got to get there tonight,
haven't we, Herbert?

That's right. For one thing,
the ceremony is in the morning.

Ceremony?
Oh, you mean a family bereavement?

Oh no. Herbert means we're getting married.
That's right.

Oh! Cut myself a piece of wedding cake!
Isn't that marvelous.

I must kiss the bride!
Oh, wrong lady. Excuse me.

Speech! Speech!
Must have a speech.

I hope you'll be very happy.
So do I. Same here.

First the girl and then the boy...
Oh be quiet.

Look, this isn't much of a place
to spend your last bachelor hours.

Oh I don't know.
I've slept in worse.

You ought to see my Anderson shelter.

I think I better get down.

Cover the latest talk with a nice cup of tea.

Shut up there, auntie.
Good night all.

There'll be no sleeping here.

The last train's gone,
and I gotta lock up.

You can't stay here.
I've had enough of this nonsense!

The least you can do is to ring up a garage

and get us some sort of
a conveyance to the nearest village.

And we are staying here until you do!

Yes sir. Surely there must
be a hostelry somewhere.

He means a boozer!

All right. I'll try.
It won't be no good, I tell you!

I'll come with you.

Passengers must cross by the footbridge.

You stay where you are!
You're a menace!

And the next time you drop
your hat out of the window,

I hope you forget to take it off!

You will rue every word you said!

Unfrocked!

♪ La la la la dee dee dee dee ha ♪

I wonder if it stopped raining?
I'll have a look.

Ooh!
What is it?

My basket!

Half-wit!

Edna, you know what this means,
don't you?

We'll have to be together all night.
Yes, Herbert.

Before we're married, right?
There is six other people with us, Herbert.

She wouldn't believe it,
not if we said there was sixty.

Would she?
No, Herbert.

Edna, who's going to face her in the morning?
You, Herbert.

But why should I?
After all, she's your mother.

She'll be your mother too,
tomorrow night, Herbert.

That's right.

Hello.
This be Saul Hodgkin up at station.

I got eight passengers here.

Yes, they missed the Truro connection.

Oh I know, but what
am I going to do with them?

They want you to send a bus for them.

Yes but...
Hello...

Well, what's the verdict?
Do we get a bus?

I said it wouldn't be no good.

But I tell you what,

if you would all walk across to Falvillage,
might be they'd put you up at the pub.

Splendid day! I always say there
are worst places than pubs, eh?

Why didn't you tell us that before?

It's all right people.
I fixed everything.

There's no bus,
but if we walk down to Falvillage,

they'll wine us and dine us
and put us to bed.

Oh good!
Lovely!

It's worth a dash through the rain
for a night's rest.

Just a minute,
How far is this village?

Oh it's about... um... I don't know.
How far is it?

Oh, if you walk across the fields,
there's only four short miles.

Four short what?!
Four miles - in this?

Oh, I wouldn't dream of it!
Are we in the middle of a moat?

Surely there's some place nearer
than Falvillage.

That be the only place
within ten mile of here.

Hey, what do you think you're doing?
Come on! Give me a hand with it.

I forgot all about my tisket-a-tasket.

I do hope my tutu's not ruined.

Now don’t do that!
You'll have puddles all over the floor.

Well, I'm soaking wet.
I've got to change.

Here's another thing you can't do:
you can't change here.

Well that's a funny thing.
The guard said we must all change here.

Oh, go and change in the ticket office.
All right. Come on, you basket.

Don't be you long.
No peeping!

Well, we're gonna stay here all night,
so we might as well make ourselves comfortable.

Thank you.
Don't you lite that fire.

Now listen, my good man, you've said your peace,
so jump on your bicycle and pedal off!

I got my orders and I got to obey 'em.
You can't stay here!

And uh, who's going to stop us?
I be!

What are you gonna do? Throw us out?
Well, I suppose I'll have to.

In that case, you can start on me.
And me!

Don't you lay your hands on me!
Gentlemen! Gentlemen!

I do wish you'd hush!
Polly wants to go to bed.

We are staying here whether you
like it or not, understand?

I can't leave the station
with you people here!

Then you'll have to stay here with us.
No! That I won't!

Why? What's the matter with it?
Apart from everything?

Anyone would think from the way you're going on,
the place was haunted!

It is haunted!
Oh my god!

Oh, Herbert!
Oooo...

My next, Napoleon!

Haunted? What are you trying to do?
Scare us out of here?

It be haunted, all right! You won't find
any in these parts that would stay here!

Especially tonight.

Well, as we've decided to stay the night,
you'd better let us know what to expect.

There's no story for ladies here.
Well off that, we've got to hear it.

Yeah, come on. Spill it!
We want something to entertain us!

Entertain ya? Powers above!
Oh come on! Do tell us!

Very well. But I warned you.
There's no pretty story.

Maybe when you've heard it,
you'll change your mind about staying!

Will you keep that confounded bird quiet?!

It was the time of the diamond jubilee.
43 year ago this very night!

In them days, the stationmaster here
was a man by the name of Ted Holmes.

You was asking about the
old line it runs on the other side.

You mean the one that don't go no where.

Aye, but in them days,
the trains used to run on it.

Through yonder short tunnel
down to the old port.

The other side of the tunnel,
the line bridges the river.

It be a swing bridge worked by a
lever wheel out there on the platform.

This was the bridge.

In '97 it was always left open for
the Claire boats to go out on the tide.

And they closed it when
the trains were to come.

But no train ever runs over that bridge now.
And it bent been closed for 43 years.

And the day I be telling you about,

a party of some plants folk went
to a bean feast up at Truro.

And they chartered a special to
take 'em home late that night.

Ben Isaacs was the driver of that special.

But Ted Homes was kept on late duty here
to close the bridge.

He was a sick man,
but no one knew it at the time.

When they phoned through here
from Truro wanting Ted to close it
as the special was starting off,

Ted answers that he would go
and shut the bridge that moment.

But them were the last words
he was ever heard to speak.

Well, what happened?

It was striking 11 o'clock when he
lit his lamp and went out on the platform.

He reached the bridge wheel,
and as he tried to turn it...

Then the illness come on him.

But yet something must have told him
it was all up with him.

But he gathered up his strength and
struggled back towards the waiting room.

His one thought was to get to that phone
and stop the train from coming.

But he never reached it!

He falls down there, dead,
with his lamp still burning in his hand!

The special was dead on time.
The signals were with it.

And it were a coming along fast
with the bridge wide open!

And Ted Holmes lying there dead!

It seemed as though when he
were just about the station,

something warned Ben Isaacs a danger,
but he claps on his brakes.

And the train went up tearing through
the station here with all the brakes on
and the whistle screaming!

It were no use!
The train was a thundering through the tunnel

straight through the open bridge into the river!
Crash!

Horrible!
Oh Herbert!

I warned ya it weren't no pretty story
ye was making me tell.

Yes, but where does the haunting come in?

Some nights the signal bell rings!

And a train comes screaming and a tearing
through the station with its whistle blowing!

Probably a goods train.

I tell you there ain't no trains run on these metals
from 10:00 at night till 7:00 in the morning!

Besides, whatever it is,

it never starts from Truro
and it never runs into St. Lannes.

If it be a natural thing,

where do it come from?
Where do it go?

Have you ever seen it?

I shouldn't be here if I had!

They do say, as to look on the ghost train,
do mean death!

You can stop here if you like, but not me!
I got a wife and children looking to me!

Do you mean you're afraid?

Afraid? I am afraid.
I bear the shame to own it!

Well, we're not!
Very well.

Seeing you've made up your mind to it.

But if ye do hear a train, for god's sake,
don't you go running out to look at it!

Good night to you all.

Good night, ol' boy.
Thanks for the bedtime story.

Cheerful bloke!
Oh! I'm glad he's gone!

Me hands have all come out
in a perspiration.

Ghost train! Ha!

Never heard such nonsense
in all my life!

That railway accident did take place, you know.
Yes, possibly.

But all that nonsense about the
sight of a train having k*lled people,

surely as a medical man,
you don't believe that!

Of course he doesn't!

Young lady, I expect you think
I'm just an old-fashioned GP.

Nowadays if these specialists
don't understand something,

they chatter about inhibitions
and split personalities.

I prefer the immortal William.

"There are more things in heaven and earth..."
Ah, he knew a thing or two, eh?

You don't think there's anything in
what he said, do you Herbert?

Of course not.

All chains, come along please.

Any more for Jews, freewinds,
refers, real friendly.
Gaww...

Who will have a ticket for the ghost train?

Guaranteed haunted in every bogie.
Whoo!

Will you shut up!
Shut up? Very good, sir.

Pipe please.

If this be a natural thing...

Where do it come from?
Where do it go?

To think, we've got to put up with that
little squirt for the next 8 hours!

An alarming thought, eh?

Do you play chess by any chance, doctor?

Chess? Yes yes. I have played.
I'm afraid I'm a bit rusty now though.

Well, it's hardly my game of course.
But it helps to pass the time away.

Yes, I never sit here.

Splendid!

Here we are, playmates.
Never a dull moment.

Gander to the rescue.
He's a scream!

Now never mind about the ghost tale.

What you want is a bit of music
to cheer you up.

And here's a little song I want to sing
at New Key this summer.

It'll paralyze them.

♪ Once at the seaside, feeling very restless.
I ran down tuppence and I rolled on the pier ♪

♪ Hadn't gone far when the strains of music
Wafted on the breeze and landed in my ear ♪

♪ I quickened up me steps for I love nice noises
Very soon arrived right opposite the band ♪

♪ Saw the conductor on a lemonade box
With his little baton stuck up in his right hand ♪

♪ One two three four, off went the cornet
Five six seven eight, the fiddles followed too ♪

♪ A man in the corner playing on the piccolo
Keeping time with the sole of his boot ♪

♪ Right behind him was a fellow with the trombone
Blowing like the devil with his cheeks out wide ♪

♪ Working so hard that both his little eyeballs
Left their sockets and stood outside ♪

♪ Hanging on a rostrum, a drummer, very lonely
Drums all round like bees in a swarm ♪

♪ Looking very cold with his nose quite scarlet
Banging on the cymbals to keep himself warm ♪

♪ Opposite to him was the man with the toupee
Spitting down a reed - what a nasty man! ♪

♪ Sitting next to him was a fellow with a French horn
Full of soul and bitter beer, tuppence on the can ♪

♪ Fellow with a cello, boom boom boom boom
Trying very hard to saw it in two ♪

♪ His pal with the double bass, cuddling it fondly
Looking like a camel with a dose of the flu ♪

♪ Man with a piccolo, fed up with the dancing
Sick and tired of hearing the same old toot ♪

♪ Thought he'd like a change so he put it down beside him
And then started messing with a full size flute ♪

♪ Man with the bassoon, nothing on his music
Acted like a mute, never said a word ♪

♪ Just as I thought he was going to fall asleep
He picked up his bassoon and gave us all the bird ♪

Why you little... I'll knock...
Richard! Richard! Richard!

After all, you started it.

Yes, yes. We don't want anymore
unpleasantness, do we, huh?

Well I've had just about enough of him!

I was only trying to cheer things up.
Well don't!

So you don't want me to entertain you, eh?
No!

No good? Napoleon?

I heard something!
In there!

In where?
The refreshment room?

I'll go and see.
I'll attend to this!

Yes certainly.
You go first.

Oh help help ooh!
Oohh let me go!

Oh he's got me!
Help! Let me go! Help!

Oh help help!
Ah ha ha!

Ah ha ha ha....
No good? Napoleon... No good...

It's all right, everyone.
There's not a thing.

Look!
What is it now?

You've got a packet of tea in your hand!
What's the matter with it?

It's tea!
Of course it's tea, you silly little man.

That's no reason to go around
scaring the wits out...

Tea! What an idea! A cup of tea!
That's what I meant.

I suppose you haven't got a teapot
and a kettle

and a few cups and saucers in there?
No, I haven't!

And you give me back my tea, please.
Ah, stingy!

Two weeks coupons there!
Now now. Don't be mean.

After all, there's a w*r on.
We're adapting the pool system.

Wait a minute.
I'll tell you what I'll do.

You give us your tea
and I'll give you a bacon, a sugar

and a couple of cooking checks
out of my ration book,

Eh? Go on.
Yes, go on.

Woo woo woo...
I don't mind you having just one teaspoonful.

Ah, Lady Norfeld.
Yeah, none for each and one for the pot.

Aren't you ashamed, both of you!

Oh I don't mind, dear.
I could do with a cup of tea myself.

I've got a tin of milk too.
Oh oh, sorry Polly.

You do that again and I'll have you
boiled up with a few carrots.

In what are we gonna make the tea?

Well there's sure to be a tea urn
in the refreshment room.

The girl's not as dumb as she looks!
Come on.

Where are you going?

I'm going to make some tea,
if you don't mind.

It's all right, boys. Don't worry.
We can manage.

There you are.

Should we make tea in the dark?
Or will you have gas?

Gas, thank you.
Certainly.

Now, lovely weather we're
having for this time of the day.

What could I do for you?

First of all, I want eight cups.
Eight cups. ... Good.

What did you say? Eight cups?
Eight cups. ... Yes, uh...

Will you have them with or without?
With or without what?

Handles.
With, please.

I was afraid of that.

I'm afraid we're a little short of handles.
It's been too rough for the boats to go out.

However, there you are: four cups
and four suck-ups.

Hello. I've been looking
all over the hotel for you.

What do you want?
I've come to help you make the tea.

Well we don't want any help.
Good. What do I do?

There don't seem to be a tap here.
You can help us find some water.

Goody goody!

Wait a minute!
You can't go out in this rain.

Of course not!
No! You go!

Oh...
Do you mind?

No. My other suit will be dry
by the time I get back.

Big hearted Gander, that's me!
Hot water in number 14. ... Oohh...

Of course if you insist on going.
She doesn't.

Oh. ...
Oh! Just the very thing!

"It's a far far wetter thing I go to..."

Hear!
Guess what I found.

I wouldn't misadvise.

The wheel that works the bridge. You know,
the one that old man nearly d*ed of.

Oh can't you forget about that old man?
All right, old man!

That's true. There is a wheel.
Yes, just outside there.

That's a gruesome story, isn't it?

But what must it be, when the train comes
a screaming and a tearing through the station?

...With it's whiskers blowing
and it's oranged steamer...
I said forget it!

What was I talking about?
Here, can I help you?

I know. Light the blue paper
and retire immediately.

All right, everybody!
Don't be alarmed!

That was the tear.
I just "tear"ned on the gas!

Oh, I'm gonna take that one out
of the joke book.

I'm afraid my stuff's too high class for them.
Hello! I see you got it to light.

Yes, we know how it works,
and we found the cups

and we're doing very well.
Thank you very much.

All right.
I was only trying to be useful.

Wasn't I, miss? ah...
What did you say your name was?

The lady didn't say what her name was.
Well, I told her what my name was.

Well, that's no reason to come in here...

If it'll stop you two arguing,
it's Winthrop. Jackie Winthrop.

Winthrop!
Oh, the same as R.G. in there.

Well, he's not your brother
and he's not your father.

He can't be your sister, even if
he does play hockey for Hampshire.

Look here. Is this a cross-examination.
Oh I don't mind.

Well I do! This silly little man has done
nothing but force his attentions on you

ever since he lost his silly hat!

Well, I can't call her Miss Whats-Her-Name!
Besides, I was only trying to help.

Well go and help the people in the other room.
Go on.
Well I don't want to. Oh no.

He's your cousin.

And you're not...uumm...
No.

That's all I wanted to know.

I say, don't be so miserable.
Oh come on. Cheer up!

Don't do that!
Give me the palpitations!

I say, talking about ghosts...
We're not!

But I am.

Talking about ghosts reminds me
of a story about Golders Green.

Do you know Golders Green?
The underground?

No, the crematorium.
Oh?

One day as they were pushing the bodies in...
Shut up!

Wait a minute...
as they were pushing the bodies in...

Will you shut up!?
Don't you see, you're frightening the ladies?

Don't be silly! You're enjoying it, aren't you?
No I'm not!

Oh, perhaps you'd rather I told you the story
about the man who had his tongue torn out.

No I wouldn't!
Oh, aren't you a difficult lot.

Tea break coming up!

Eight cups of tea.
What about Ted? Doesn't he get one?

Ted?
Who's Ted?

Ted Hooolmes!
I bet he's a bit thirsty by now!

After all he's been lying here
these past 43 years!

That's not funny!
I know it's not funny.

How would you like to be lying there
with a lamp still burning in your hand?!

Will you...!
Oh come and help me lay the table.

Yes, all right.
Excuse me.

Thank you. Can we have this?
We'll give it back to you afterwards.

Now don't fuss.
There you are. Move please .

There you go. That's splendid.
There we are.

First service now ready.
Take your seats for the first service.

Charlie, hot coffee and buttered rolls twice.

Oh, and a semolina for the spook.
Won't be long now, sir.

Oh I shouldn't put him here!
Why?

He's too near Ted's lamp.
He'd singe his parson's nose.

Wait a minute...

You're asking for a judgment, young man!
Joking like that about them that's gone.

Oh, ol' Ted wouldn't mind.
If he was alive now, he'd die laughing.

Wouldn't you, Ted?
Heh heh, good ol' Ted.

Herbert, ask them if they'd
like one of our sandwiches.
No.

Why not?
We want them.

Would you like one of our sandwiches?
We might as well share what we've got.

Oh it's awfully sweet of you.
That's all right. We've got plenty.

Haven't we, Herbert?
That's right.

I've got two hard boiled eggs.
They don't agree with me.

Oh quite a party.
Tea, eggs, sandwiches.

Yeah, isn't this fun.
Let's see what else we can collect.

Well, I've got the salt.
And two pieces of sugar.

Oh tah.

Oh no, they're for Polly.
She always has my rations.

I always give mine to Ted.
Hey fellow.

What about a slice of lemon for half-pint?
Now I warn you, Gander!

Hey you.

I have a little brandy here I always carry
with me, for medicinal purposes, of course.

Oh yes. I can see... the cough... the cold...
If anyone else would like a sip with their tea.

Brandy in tea!
That's disgusting!

I don't know how a doctor
can bring himself to mention it.

I must say, I'm not surprised,
coming from him!

Do you mean to say you've never
tasted brandy in your tea?

I've never tasted alcohol in my life!

Then you shouldn't knock it back so quickly.
You should chew it a bit.

Thank you, doctor.

Here's my contribution, two sausage rolls,
very rare specimens.

Whose are these from?

Put it down!
Don’t touch the exhibits!

Here. Go and force your rhubarb.
Let's all sit down.

Will you have one?
Oh thanks.

Sausage roll?
I don't recommend them.

Polly! Stuck his foot out that time!
Oh come and sit down.

Richard, some tea?
No thanks.

Sausage roll, doctor?
No thanks.

What? No cake?

We had a bit of cake,
but we ate it at Plymouth, didn't we Herbert?

That's right.
It's not right!

How can you have your cake
and eat it at Plymouth? Huh huh...

Oh well, uh,
I haven't provided anything yet.

Now let me see...
Oh there's a chocolate machine outside.

Give me your pennies and
I'll provide the sweets.
Eh?

That's the first sensible thing you've said.
Come on. Let's have your lovely pennies.

Tah. My benefit next Tuesday.
There we are.

What about you, auntie?
Two ha'pennies.

Oh well, ah… give me those.
I'll give you a penny.

That's odd,
isn't it. Yeah yeah.

There you are, Ted.
Now he's in nobody's way.

That was the other foot!

Get out of here!
Close the door! Please!

I don't think I'll feel much like eating.
Well you ought to try it.

Okay miss. Keep asking.

I'm going to be Edna Turkins tomorrow.
Won't I, Herbert?

I hope so.

What the...

There you are.
Chocolates!

Chocolates? You silly little man!
These are matches!

But I put ah uh...
Matches.

That's right.
Oh never mind. We'll do without.

Well, we'll just have to smoke lots
of cigarettes and use them up.

Cigarette, doctor?
Oh! Cigarettes!

Talking of cigarettes reminds me of
something that once happened to me.

You know, I was sitting in a railway carriage
opposite a man with a bowler hat.

And he was smoking a cigarette.

Well, the cigarette got shorter and shorter,
and suddenly I realized,

it was burning right through his lip!
Sizzle - sizzle - sizzle.

I found out afterwards, he'd been
dead since Clapham Junction.

Now look here. Just because some
fool of a station master tells a story...

Listen!

There's someone coming down the platform!

Wait!
They're over there now.

Aahhhh!
It's the stationmaster!

Looks serious.
Let's take him into the other room.

I'll get some water.
I'll go. I know where it is.

Pick it up.

Better get him on the table here.

Oh dear. Oh dear.
Think I'm going off too.

Well, I'm just as frightened as you are,
but we must try and pull ourselves together.

Here it is.
I run all the way.

I'm afraid you're too late.
Poor fellow.

We'll have to phone the police.
I'll do that.

Well, we'd better get back to the ladies.

How is he?
He's... he's dead.

Dead?
I fear so.

As far as I can tell,
he d*ed of shock.

I say you, don't think there
is anything in that story...
No, we don't!

Well if you don't,
I do!

Herbert, you've got to take me out of here.

You can't go in this weather.

I'm not stopping here with no corpses!

Yes, but where are we going to?
I don't know.

Back to mother's somehow.
I think I'd rather stay here with the deceased.

I'm not stopping here with no corpses,
not for nobody! Come on, Herbert.

Richard, you're not going
to let them go like that.

If they want to go, it's their funeral.

Who said funeral?

Now don't you worry.
Everything's going to be all right.

Oh dear. To think that such a thing
should happen to me.

But nothing has happened to you...
yet. Try this.

Oh dear. I shall never
be the same women again.

I can't get through to the police.

The line must be down.
Oh, pity

Police? What does he want
the police for?

Don't worry any more.

Where's the happy couple?
They're gone.

Gone? Where to?
They've gone to break the news to mother.

I want to go too. I don't like it here.
I want to go home.

Doctor, isn't there anything
you can do for her?

Well, I, ah...
Ah, here we are!

Doctor Hennessey's Blood Mixture!

Now this will put you on your feet...
or knock you off them.

Cheerio! Aaahh.
Do you feel better now?

You certainly look better.
Here. Try a drop more.

It smells like Christmas pudding!
Oh, I believe it's brandy.

No! Is it really?
Let me see.

Do you know, I believe you are right!
This is just what you want.

Not likely. I was born and raised
strict temperance.

And so I mean to stay.
But this is medicine!

Well if you're sure.
But only a tiny drop now.

Just to relieve the palpitation.
Yes.

Cough it up.
Oh. Oh no. I've broken the pledge.

It's warming me
all the way down!

Yes, you wait till it gets to the junction!

It's not really nasty, is it?
No!

I mean as medicines go.
That seems to be going pretty well.

I think I'd better take that, eh?
Ah, just a minute.

There you go.
She's got a bad - a huh - same as you have.

Now sip that slowly and you'll be
as right as rain.

That's right.
Got a funny taste, doesn't it.

Listen, I just thought of something funny.
Well, that's a change!

Do you remember when he fell through the door?
Yeah.

It was just 11 o'clock.
What about it?

Don't you remember?

The stationmaster said that
that was the time that Ted Holmes...

Shhh!
Will you shut up about all that!

I was only trying...
Hey! Here here here here!

Oh! Ah, look! All gone.
Now what have you been a doing, love?

In spite of all these terrible happenings,
I'm beginning to feel quite happy.

You naughty girl! Oohh!
You're tight and you like it!

♪ Oh dear, what can the matter be?
Oh dear, what can the matter be? ♪

♪ Oh dear...
I think you'd better go and lie down.

Go lie down yourself.
I mean you'd be much more comfortable.

I'm bubbly and comfortable, thank you!

Whoa! Whoops-a-daisy!
Whoops-a-blooming-buttercup!

The buffet.
♪ Little Miss Muffet, Off to the buffet. ♪

You know, everything's going around.

I feel just as I did when I come off
the big wheel platform.

Oh, not surprised.
♪ Oh dear, what can the... ♪

You better come too.
Now now now.

We're going to put you to bed.

Young man! I think you forget yourself!
He-he-hoo!

Young woman. I think you flatter yourself.
In we go. ♪ Oh dear, what can the... ♪

I don't want to go in here.
Yeah, go on. In you go.

No, I don't want to go in here.
Go in. Tickle-tickle!

Oh, come on.
Here we are.

This will make a lovely bed.
Come on.

I tell you that I've got
a beautiful bed my home.
No!

Oh yes I have.
I've got brass bedsteads in every room.

What do you think of that?
You hear that?

Brass bedsteads.
Brass bedsteads with knobs on. Knobs!

Whoa! Take it easy, missus.
Whoa-ho!

Missus? Miss - Miss Bourne, and spinstress.
Spinstress.

With knobs on.
I'm maiden laden.

Here we are.
It's going to be nice and comfortable.

Hmm, and let me tell you,
my funny blue-eyed boy.

I was not neglected in my youth.
Hm-hmm.

Will one of you go get her rug for her?
I'll get it. I'll go. No, I'll get it.

Come on now.
It's no use. No use.

No knobs.
Knobs? Never mind.

Come on.
No knobs.

Wait a minute. Have you seen this?
What?

They all stay on!

Well when the chap did it at the Hippodrome,
they all stayed on.

Ah good!
There you are.

Now you'll be as snug as a rug in bug!

Look!
Knobs!

Knobs.
Lovely knobs.

There you are.
Now go to sleep.

This place is getting more like
a mad house every minute!

Richard!
What?

I thought I heard a scream.
You're imagining things.

What's the matter?

It's all right. Nothing to worry about.
Look I see! It's coming this way!

Let me in!
Let me in!

You must help me! Please help me!
Hide me from him!

Hide you? What you mean?
He's coming!

He wants to take me back.
But I'm not going! I'm not!

I've got to see it tonight!
I know it'll come. I always know.

I'm afraid I don't follow you.
But you know! You must know!

There's a car coming down the road.
It's him!

Don't let him find me!

You can't go in there.
Then where can I go?

We'll look after you, won't we?
But he's coming, I tell you. Listen!

He's crashed!
I'll go out there.

You better stay here, Winthrop.
I'm coming!

You'd better come too, doctor.

Here! That's my coat.
Oh you look after the shop.

Are you hurt?
No, I don't think so.

You've given your car a bit of a headache.

Oh look here. I've heard of it raining
cats and poodles.

But never stockings
and brassieres.

Some damn fool left his luggage
in the middle of the road!

Must be Edna and Herbert's.
We can't hang about with this.

Best come with us.
There's a fire in the waiting room.

Bring the fenders with you.
Oh, he won't half-laugh when he sees this.

Now stay in there.
And keep quiet!

Oh Herbert! Look at our fenders!
And my trousseau!

Well, who the devil are you people?
Well, who the devil are you?

Yes. My name is Price.
Oh, I'm Tommy Gander.

He's a scream.
Comedian and entertainer.

So far you've been n-EE-ther.
N-EYE-ther. N-EE-ther.

N-EYE-ther.
Oh, we've been through all that.

Oh Herbert.
My new nightie.

I shan't have anything to wear tomorrow night.
That's right!

What are you all doing here
at this time of night?

We might ask you the
same question.

I came out to look for my sister.
Your sister?

Yes, I have certain reasons for believing
that she'd come to this place.

Oh? And why do you think
she'd come here?

I can't be expected to go
into that with strangers.

In that case,
I'm afraid we can't help you.

I see. Then I'm afraid I shall
look for myself.

So she is in there.

Before we get belligerent, don't you think
some explanation would help?

All right, if you must know.
My sister is... well, not quite normal.

She suffers from delusions.

Normally she's kept under observation.
But tonight she got away.

It's a lie!
Don't listen to him.

He's trying to take me back.
So there you are, Julia.

It's no good. I can't come back.
You know I can't.

Now be sensible, dear.
Oh what good is talking!

I must stay here.
I can't help myself.

Julia...
Don't touch me! Go away!

Just a minute! How do we know
that you're telling the truth?

Here here!

Perhaps you'll be good enough
to mind your own business!

Which is my business, if you insist on
taking her away against her will.

I associate myself with that unanimously!

Now look here, Mr. Macintosh...
What's it got to do with you?

That's right.
What's it got to do with me?

Dear!
Don't let him take me back, please!

Why can't she stay here?
At least until she's feeling better.

Now listen to me, please.

You people have heard the story
of this place, I suppose.

About the train that starts... screaming...
lamps... Ted Holmes... that crash!

He means the ghost train.
So-called.

Well that infernal nonsense is responsible
for my sister's mental condition.

She was near this station
one night several years ago.

She thought she saw the train.

But I did see it. You know I saw it.
I did see it!

Yes, yes.
It was a great shock to her.

So great a shock that it...
well, affected her permanently.

Some nights she gets the idea
that the ghost train will run.

She has a morbid fascination for it.
She feels she must see it again.

Tonight is one of those games.
So I hope you understand.

But it will come tonight.
I know it will!

Yes, yes. By the way,
who told you this story?

The stationmaster.
With all the trimmings!

Mind you, he warned us:
Twernt no pretty story.

What, old Saul Hodgkin?
Where is he?

He's in the ticket office.
He's dead!

That's right!
Saul Hodgkin dead! Good heavens!

His troubles are over.

I've locked the door.

Is this a joke?
Because if so, it doesn't amuse me!

Of course not!
We put him on there, ourselves!

Well, where is he now?
I don't know.

We were all in the other room,
so he can't have gone out!

Apart from being dead!

Stop!
He can't have...

When is all this supposed to have happened?

Well it happened all right! We all saw it!
That's right.

Yes, you ask this gentleman.
He's a doctor.

He should know a dead body
when he sees one.

Yes, ah...
I rather think I should, eh?

The man was certainly dead.
Heart failure.

In my opinion, the result of a shock.
What happened exactly?

Well, he left here to go home.

And about 20 minutes later,
we heard footsteps.

When I opened the door,
he fell forward into the room.

Which door?
That one.

I knew it!
Don't you see?

It wasn't Saul Hodgkin at all!

It was Ted Holmes,
coming back from the dead!

What did he look like?

You mean his face?
Yes yes!

Well, ah, have you ever seen a bad nut?
Eaten lots of them.

He was a tall, gaunt sort of fellow.
Are you sure of that?

Of course! It wasn't the stationmaster.
It was Ted Holmes!

Come now, Julia!

You're upsetting everybody.
It must have been Hodgkin.

Then where is he?
A man couldn't vanish into thin air!

And the time when all this happened,
it was eleven o'clock, wasn't it?

Wasn't it?
Sharp!

That proves it!
We've got to get her away from here.

No! I'm staying.
I'm staying here till it comes.

You know it will come.
You say I imagine it.

But you only want to put me away,
like you did before!

No, I'm not leaving.
I'm going to see it!

I must see it, even if it kills me!
That's enough, Julia.

Don't touch me!
Julia!

If you don't mind, if she were a
patient of mine, I'd let her stay.

You don't understand.

Quite likely.
They do say I'm old-fashioned.

But if she stays,
and the train doesn't come,
and it won't,

she will realize then
that it is only a delusion.
Surely that's only common sense, eh?

All right. Don't think I'm gonna
be any party to this tomfoolery.

As soon as I can find another car,
you're coming back with me!

Mr. Macintosh, if we shouldn't be here
when you get back,

will you see the papers spell my name right?
It is G-A-N-D...

He's gone.
Yes, you'll be all right now.

As soon as the rain stops,
we can all go.

No! I'm staying here!
Of course, just as you like.

Like? This isn't about like.
It's because I can't help myself.

This place terrifies me.
It fascinates me too.

It's full of eyes.

They stare! And stare!
Don't look at me like that!

You think I'm mad!
But I'm not mad!

Oh now - I - I
I - ah - there you go.

You see, I know what's going to happen.
And it's going to happen soon.

The scream of brakes!
The shriek of the whistle!

Louder! Louder! Why don't you all go now
and leave me before it's too late!

When the train comes...
A train won't come.

It came that night!

I saw it thundering down the valley...
On! On! Into the river...

Then I saw Ben Issacs, the driver,
coming back out of the tunnel!

But weren't they all k*lled?

All except Ben Isaacs.
He was thrown clear.

He came back to the station singing...
Singing Rock of Ages.

His mind gone!

They say that before the ghost train runs,
you hear the bell ringing... dismally.

It will be here soon!
I know it!

Look! Don't you see?
There! Look!

It's Ted Holmes again,
coming out of the office!

Don't you see?
Yes, yes of course.

But, uh, don't you think
it would be better if we all...

He's crossing towards the door!

Look! He's opening the door!

It's all right.
It's only the wind.

I've got an aunt who suffers with that.
Her doors are always blowing open.

Now aren't you sorry?

I think this room is worrying you.
Let's go to the refreshment room and...

If you open the door now,
you'll find he's still there!

We'll soon see!
No, wait!

Now listen to me, my dear.
There's nothing to worry about.

Come over by the fire
Come along. ... There.

Now listen. I've got a nasty feeling
we haven't got over the worst of this yet.

I want you to promise that if anything
unpleasant happens you'll be guided by me.

All right.

Look! The light's going out!

Why don't you go?
There's still time!

We can't go!
Then stop your ears!

For God's sake, don't look!
Remember what happened to me.

You must be warned!
You must!

Listen! A signal bell!
Now will you believe me?

Nonsense! That doesn't prove anything.
But the bell... It always rings!

Now look here! This is absurd!

What was that?
What?

I thought I heard a train whistle.
It's coming! It's coming!

She's right!
It is a train!

Thundering down the valley!
It's coming! It's coming!

On! On!
I'm going to look!

No!

It won't open!

We're shut in.

Listen!
Listen to it!

I've got to see it!
I must see it!

Is she...
Is she dead?

No no. Her pulse is weak,
but steady enough.

Would you get me some water, please?

Yes, of course.
Wait a minute.

There's no more water in there.
I'll get some from outside.

You show me where it is.

Oh, I just remembered!
The ghost train had all its light on.

Well shat about it?

Well they'll get pinched!
It's after blackout time.

Don't be silly.
All that was 43 years ago.

There was no w*r on then.
Yes there was.

There was the Boer w*r.

I can't stand any more of this.
I've come to the end of me tether.

Where's the other stocking?

Now, I want you to go right back in there.

And whatever happens,
don't let anyone leave.

Where are you going?
To get some water.

We don't need any water.
Well what about Fanny Fadeaway?

Yes, the doctor said...
Please, we have no time to explain that now.

You said you'd trust me.
Yes, I do.

But where will you be?

We're going outside
to do a bit of snooping.

Snooping?
That's an idea!

You'll be Charlie Chan.
I'll be honorable son.

What if they ask me where you are?

Tell them unworthy servants take despicable
glass to get unspeakable water.

Go on. Go back inside there.
That's a good girl.

Go. Go. Go.
She's gone.

Now where's this bridge wheel?
What bridge wheel?

Oh, I don't know whether I'd bother about that.
Remember what happened to Edward.

Edward?
Edward Holmmmmes.

Oh, go on. Show me where it is.
This way.

That's it over there.
Looks like a washing up machine.

Oh, so this is the historic spot.

I say, it doesn't go smoke smoke - funny.
I bet you can't say that quickly.

It doesn't go smoke smoke...
Try that with me other teeth in.

Hello! It isn't there!
What isn't?

The old man's lamp. I put it there
when I came to get the water.

I say, didn't old Saul Hodgkin say
this bridge was always open.

It ain't been closed these 43 years,
it ain't.

It ain't, eh?
Well, look at that - closed!

That's funny.
It was open just now.

♪ Rock of ages, cleft for me.
Let me hide myself in thee. ♪

♪ Let the water and the blood... ♪
Ben Isaacs! He's coming back!

Oh, I warned you!
I warned you!

♪ Be of sin the double-cure.
Cleanse me from its guilt and power. ♪

There where sh*ts!

Got him!
Don't let him get away!

I can't see any ghosts.
I probably run through it.

Teddy? Teddy?
Teddy? Where are you?

John, take me away from here!
I'll come with you now.

It's all right, Julia.

I've managed to get a bus.
It's outside.

Oh, well played, sir!
That's right. Come on, Edna.

So if you're ready,
I suggest we don't waste any time.

We've been here too long as it is!

Yes, but some idiot's been
fooling around with a g*n outside.

What?
Didn't you hear?

Yes.
Just now.

But you can't leave here until...
...until the police arrive!

So you're the idiot with the g*n!
I might have known it!

What the blazes have
you been sh**ting at?

A ghost.
And no ordinary ghost either.

This one had a signature tune.

Oh, I'm sick of all this nonsense.
Come on. Let's go.

Wait a minute!
I'm afraid nobody goes!

Excuse me...

Now look here!
Get back!

Go on!
Sit down.

Have you gone mad?
On the contrary!

I suppose everyone knows
what this is...

Believe it or not, the blood of Ben Isaacs.
I've winged a ghost!

Oh rot!
If you don't open these doors...

Mr. Winthrop, wouldn't be any reason
why you'd want us all away from here,
would there?

And what the devil do you mean by that?
Yes! I like to know that, too!

Perhaps I should explain that...

the person responsible for the ghost
train is with us in this room now!

The ghost train?
Yes.

Only it isn't a ghost train.

This one happens to be as real
as the Plymouth Express.

But, uh, there was
an accident, you know.

Perfectly true! There's a strong
local superstition about the ghost train.

That's what gave somebody
in this room the idea.

Made their job easier, because for years,
people have stuck their heads

under their bedclothes if they
heard a train in the night!

But when we turned up,
we made it rather awkward for them.

So when the stationmaster
couldn't get rid of us,

they set to work,
scaring us out!

But they didn't, did they?
Uh, no. Bless my soul.

Don't look at me like that.
I don't know anything about it!

I assure you. I'm going to Red Roofs
as Dr. Hariby's locum. Eh?

Just a moment. I don't pretend
to understand all this.

But you and your silly little friend have
been behaving rather queerly yourselves.

Exactly what game are you playing at?
Richard, I just remembered.

If it hadn't been for Mr. Gander,
you wouldn't be here at all.

Jackie!
I say there! Well! Oh!

Richard! Did you have to do that?
Of course! The man's undoable.

Might have sh*t someone at any moment!
Oh, here's the key.

Now we can get out of here.
But you can't leave him here like this!

Don't worry. We're going
to take him with us.

Yes, a little fresh air will soon
bring him around.

Will you two bring him to the bus?

Yes, definitely.
Right.

Go on, Herbert. You help.
What? Me?

Your bag, Doctor.
Oh, yes. I'll come back for them.

Uh, be careful.
Steady.

Oh, thank heaven we can get out of here.
I'm sick of this hole.

Yeah, I don't want to complain,
but I do hope this will be all for tonight.

He'll be all right in here.
Leave him there.

All right, driver.
Hey! Hey! Wait a minute!

I nearly missed the bus.
That's right.

Where the blazes have you been?
Trying to get out of the tunnel.

I couldn't find the hole.

All right now, sir?
Yes, but step on it, will you?

Wait a minute.
My basket's still in the station.

We'll attend to that in the morning.

Yes, but say it disappears.
I won't be able to open on Monday!

That will be a break for New Key!

Well, we're off.

Yes. What a bit of luck
finding a bus, eh?

Oh, look at Teddy!
Shh! He's gone to sleep.

Yes, I put him to sleep.
Yes.

Hey, you mean you... ah...
on the floor?

Yes, and if we have any trouble from you,
you're just as likely to join him!

Don't let's have any more unpleasantness.
No.

Anybody got any smelling salts?

You haven't got a drop of that...
huh huh... no no.

Come on. Come to Daddy.

Oh, I wish I'd paid attention
at the first aid class.

Don't worry. He'll be all right.

Just a moment.
I want to ask you a question.

Where exactly did you go when
you left the waiting room?

Who me?
Outside.

Don't you remember when the
spook special came along?

Yes, I remember perfectly.

But it's very curious that when you and
your friend went out, things began to happen.

Oh, you mean old Rock of Ages!

It was Ben Isaacs. He was coming
back. I knew he would.

Now Julia.

Something...
What hit me?

I'm afraid I did. I'm very sorry,
but it was entirely necessary.

What do you... Where are we?
Why you...

Now! Now! Now! Now, pal.
Count up to ten.

1 - 2 - 3 ...
You blithering idiot!

Where did you get to?
Oh, I walked into the tunnel wall.

I blacked myself out in the knockout.
I mean, I knocked myself out in the blackout.

Well, I think we can say we successfully
stopped your little game, whatever it was.

You've successfully mucked up
the whole show!

Now there's no one to get that train
when it comes back comes back!

Comes back?

The ghost train never comes back.

This one's more obliging.
It makes the return journey.

But if the train does come back,
It'll have to cross the bridge, won't it?

Of course.
But if it's a ghost train,

it wouldn't matter whether the bridge
was open or closed, would it?

No, but...
Oh, well, that's all right.

What are you babbling about?

Well, we'll soon see.
I opened the bridge!

You've done what?

Well, somebody had closed it,
so I opened it!

Otherwise the story would be right.

You meddling fool!

Nichols!
Stop!

I say, what is this?
Sit down!

I'll do nothing of the sort!
I rather think you will!

What are you doing? You can't...
Keep still, unless you're looking for trouble.

He's opened the bridge!
Back to the station, black out!

It's too late, sir. We passed
Crawford's crossroads a mile back!

If we get across the footbridge,
you can stop them on the other side.

Yes! Back down the lane!
As fast as you can!

All right.

That's the lot.
We're not late, are we?

The ghost train's never late!

Can't you go any faster?

If it goes any faster,
we'll take off!

I hope you're enjoying all this!

If you hadn't been so anxious
to show off your right hook,

we wouldn't be in this mess!

But what's happening?
I don't understand!

You ever heard of the fifth column?
What?

The chap with the g*n
is a n*zi sympathizer.

The more they pay him,
the more he sympathizes!

Cut that out!

But smuggling arms is a
dangerous game in w*r times.

So they invented the ghost train.

The train!
I can see it!

It's on the last curve before the bridge!

We'll never stop it!
We've got to stop it!

Take a pull up here.
I'm cutting down the hill. Stop!

Watch them!
Ohh...

Come on!
Make whole!

Oh, by the way,
you took a g*n from him.

Hand it over.
Come on!

[honks horn]
What?

Come on!

The bridge!
It's open!

Of course, after Julia had fainted,

I knew that Sterling was
no more a doctor than I was!

How?
I saw him taking your pulse with his thumb.

You did! You knew nothing
about it until I told you!

Well after all, I did open the bridge

while you were lying there
like a British heavyweight!

Oh, there you are, sir.

I take it we can get you at
this address for the inquest.

Correct, Capitan.
Thank you then.

Thank you, sir.
...Thank you, sir.

Well that'll be your special service,
due any minute.

Thank you very much.

Do you know, I have an idea you're
by no means what you make out to be.

Confidentially, I'm not!
You must be relieved.

Ah, there you are.

I'm afraid, old boy,
I've been a bit of a...

A bit of a... ?
I think you've been a lot of a... !

Well anyway, if you'll accept my apologies.
Of course.

And you, Gander.
And you, Winthrop.

Ah! Knobs! We've forgotten about
the old bird with her old bird!

Ohh.... Feel better?
I've got a terrible headache.

Don't tell me. You've got a piece of
flannel where your tongue should be.

How did you know?

Never mind. The train's in now.
You'll soon be safe in Truro.

Good. I'm so glad nothing
exciting has happened.

Nothing exciting!
There you go...