01x05 - The Mother of all Tigres/Old Money

[bunniefuu]

[Tiger growls]

Man: miracle city--

A spicy cesspool of crime and villainy.

This is the story of manny rivera,

Better known as...

[Roars] el tigre!

Son of the legendary hero...

White pantera!

Grandson of the evil supervillain...

Pumaloco!

[Music playing]

El tigre!

[Siren blares]

El tigre!

[Roars]

[g*nshots]

[Tiger growls]

El tigre!

[Music playing]

[Snoring]

[Whistling]

[Screaming]

The super macho chain capture worked!

You wouldn't have won if I hadn't lost, man.

Who will save the priceless

Black platinum diamond pearl?

Yes, priceless.

Very good, eh.

Now, manny, we have work to do.

The divine angel who is your mother

Is coming to visit!

And we must--

Clean up this mess, at once!

Why, man?

Oh, you gotta hear the story!

When my folks first got married,

Mom used to think dad being white pantera was cool.

[expl*si*n] [car alarm sounds]

Then one, day...

[Roars]

Halt, fiend!

So says, white--

Ha ha ha!

It was the first time she saw my dad get hurt,

And she totally lost it.

[Gulps]

Rodolfo: maria didn't want me to be a superhero anymore.

She couldn't stand to see me in danger.

But I could not ignore the crisp, clean, refreshing call of crime fighting!

It is in my blood!

[Hyperventilating]

In the end, she could not stand it anymore.

[Screaming]

She had to... [Sobs]

Leave me!

I'm sorry, but I married the man, not the mask.

Granpapi: I moved in to make sure rodolfo and manny would be ok.

Also because I crashed my evil headquarters of evil.

Maria's career as a mariachi singer took off after that.

She traveled the world,

Performing for adoring fans everywhere,

Even luxemborg!

Manny goes to visit her every month.

Manny: I got my el tigre belt after mom went on tour.

[Roars]

And i, uh...

Haven't had a chance to tell her about it yet.

Dude, she is gonna freak when she finds out!

I know.

So that's why we got to clean.

If my mom sees all this wreckage,

She'll know we've been doing superhero stuff,

And she'll freak out.

I just asked why you got to hide stuff!

You don't got to tell me your whole life story, man!

Hurry! Maria will be here tomorrow!

And I will once again behold a sweet goddess

Without whom my life has become a pit of misery.

And who I never think about anymore.

Didn't I told you?

Maria called to say she's coming early.

She should be here in about...

Eh, no minutes. [Doorbell rings]

[Screams]

Move it, people! We've got evidence to hide!

[Doorbell rings]

Uh, dad?

He's frozen in fear of seeing his one and only true love,

Who he never thinks about anymore.

Mom!

Manny!

Oh, I missed you,mijo!

Frida! New goggles?

Granpapi! Have you finally given up

Your thieving, villainous ways?

Of course, maria.

Yay!

Mijo, look what I got you when I was on tour in scotland!

It's a burgonet.

The scots wore them during the border wars.

It's a fact!

Cool!

So, where's your father?

Rodolfo in high-pitched voice: why do you ask?

Because you're still in love with him,

And wish to return to his tender embrace?

[Gasps]

Who that? [Gasps]

[Both gasp]

Maria! You look like a beautiful, fluffy woman cloud

Drifting in a sky of happy!

I thought you retired from superheroing.

Yes, i, uh, still do just a tiny bit,

You know, to stay trim.

[Sighs] rodolfo, you'll never change.

Well, how can I stop fighting injustice

When miracle city is such a spicy cesspool

Of crime and villainy?

I've been thinking about that.

This is such an unsafe place to raise a child.

And manny really needs his mother's guidance.

Well, I'm going to my hotel.

Manny, you and I should go out tomorrow.

We have to talk, ok? [Kiss]

Uh, you bet!

[Kissing]

Oh, heh heh heh!

Eh?

Bye, mom! See you tomorrow!

No!

She said I need her guidance!

She said we have to talk!

Do you know what that means?!

Yes! No.

She's gonna make me leave miracle city

And go live with her!

[All gasp]

She can't do that! What about my needs?

She has to do what's best for her kid, man.

What, I can't have an opinion?

Perhaps you'd like to share your opinion

With the prison guards!

Yeah, ok, make it quick. I want to break out in time for dinner.

Ok. Be good.

Oh, what am I gonna do? This is my home!

I don't wanna leave!

And I really don't want mom

To freak out about me beingel tigre!

Then, we must convince maria

That miracle city is a safe place to raise a child.

Yeah!

[expl*si*n and indistinct screaming]

Ugh!

That could be tricky.

Heh heh heh heh!

I can do tricky.

[Rooster crows]

You all want to take me on a tour of the city?

Manny, I was hoping we'd have a chance to talk--

Just you and me.

Oh, there's plenty of time for that,

After we see the sights.

But-- great, let's go!

Behold,calle porqueria!

Butcalle porqueria is the worst street in the city!

It's as dangerous as a cobra.

By the way, did you know that the king cobra

Can reach a length of up to feet?

It's a fact!

No, mom, it's really changed!

Hasn't it, granpapi?

Sure. I changed it last night.

It's very nice now.

What? I mean-- oh, who said that?

Pretty safe, huh?

Seems like a wonderful place to grow up in, yes?

I'll say!

It's lovely.

Manny, I just want to talk to you about--

Uh, next stop!

[Sirens beeping]

Ow, ow, ow, ow!

This is where the miracle city prison was.

Now that there's no crime,

They use it as a place for circus people to entertain orphans!

Once, the entire prison broke free,

And all the inmates kicked your father at the same time!

It's a fact!

Well, that couldn't happen now!

I'll say!

Mijo, while we have a second,

I was wondering if we could talk about--

Next stop!

[expl*si*n]

[All screaming] [siren wailing]

Heh heh! Clowns!

See? This part of the city really is safe and clean!

Uh, just like... The rest of the city...is.

I'll say!

Manny, miracle city has changed so much since I left!

It certainly seems like a great place to grow up!

All: yes!

Ahh! Nothing like a little swim

To wash off the prison lice.

[Sniffs]

I smell somethings.

It's...el tigre!

Manny, I want to talk to you about something important.

[Stammers]

I've been thinking, and--

Phew! It's el oso.

It's el oso!

Give me back the black platinum diamond pearl!

Oh!

You are not stepping up on my son,

You sorry, stinking dogman!

Whoa!

I want to read the book she gotthat from!

You want to play games, man?

How about... Keep-away?

[All yelling]

[Roars] let go of my mom!

Mijo!

[Hyperventilating]

Must...supress...panic!

Must...help...manny!

Why do you want this pearl so much?

I wants the pearl so I can sell it

And buy fancy stuff, man!

Fancy stuff, like the black platinum diamond pearl?

Yeah! So...

You'll sell the pearl to get money to buy the pearl?

Yeah! I'll sell it so I can buy it.

So I can sell it, so I can buy it.

So I can sell it, so I can buy it.

So I can... [Muttering]

Pretty lady make brain hurting!

Manny: she's really good at that.

El tigre, man, you--

Hey, it's nice in here.

Heh heh heh.

[El oso singing indinstinctly]

So, mom, uh,

I'm sorry I kept the el tigre thing secret, but--

Oh, come on.

Don't you think I read the newspapers?

Dang, that's right! She can read!

Anyway, I know you think I should leave with you,

And if that's really what you want, I'll go.

Why would I want you to leave miracle city when I'm moving back?

All: huh?

I said you needed your mother's guidance.

Well, I'm coming back to help guide you,

And guess what?

I got a job-- at your school!

I'm the new librarian!

It's a fact.

[Chuckles] dude!

Your mom's the librarian!

But, what about me being el tigre?

I know how dangerous miracle city is.

But, it's safer with el tigre.

[Whistling]

A meteor!

[Roars]

Ayyy! Here comes a monster!

It's-a the zombie plumbers!

Mom, can i?

[Hyperventilating]

Don't worry.

He does this kind of thing all the time.

[Hyperventilating]

Oh...good! [Roars]

[Thuds]

[School bell rings]

Do you have any idea how many detentions you have?

Uh, ?

!

Since there aren't enough days left in the year

To serve all these,

You must either work them off by doing community service, or...

Spend months in our summer detention camp

In the nonagua desert!

Community service doesn't sound so bad.

Oh, it won't be so bad.

It will be...so bad!

Your options are...

Clean up after frog dissections,

Shovel cafeteria gristle,

De-clog toilets,

Or...leave school early

To volunteer at an old folk's home!

Both: no!

I'm sorry.

Did you say leave school early?

Casa de adios.

Ha! What a dump.

You said it. Check it out--

There's a crutch holding up the entire building!

Ugh, come on.

This is going to be--

Everyone! They are here!

The new volunteers!

Seize them!

And give them rice pudding.

Not a problem.

Nothing is so sweet

As young people donating their time to help the elderly.

Really. I mean that.

This is just the way I talk.

Allow me to introduce you to my friends.

Assemble!

Comrade chaos, the red menace!

El tarantula,

The spidery spaniard!

Ahem!

[Flatulence]

And mano negra,

The mighty hand of doom!

[Crickets chirping]

I'm mightier with my robot body, which has a hand.

Say, you are that el tigre kid.

Crazy puma's grandson.

Yeah, i--wait!

This is that place granpapi always talks about!

An old folks home-- [gasps]

For supervillains!

Both: cool!

* Old villains, oh, old villains *

* Time with them can be so fulfillin' *

* For evil old people, I give my thanks *

* They're gettin' feeble, but they used to rob banks *

* Call them forbidding or mean or vicious *

* But their rice pudding is oh, so delicious *

* Old villains

* Old, old villains

* Time with them can be so fulfillin' *

* And the evil old villains *

* That I love the most

* Arecasa de adios-os-os *

[All cheering]

You know, I haven't enjoyed myself this much

Since I robbed the miracle city money blimp.

Ha ha! I once stole the miracle city museum.

Oho! Museum!

I stole the moon and ransomed it for a trillion dollars.

Was not a problem.

So, uh, how come you live here?

[Crashes]

What happened to all your loot?

We never discuss what happened to lootski.

End of not-discussion.

Yeah.

Look at cover ofvillains' quarterly, large print edition.

Sartana of the dead.

If I had feet, I'd kick her with them.

You don't like sartana?

But she's so villainous.

She has no honor. [Spits]

[Hisses]

We will never forgive her

For what she's done to us.

We're mad at sartana.

Because she did something to us.

And now, we have no money.

That's it!

Sartana stole your money!

Da. Sartana took all our lootski.

Is why we live in dump.

And it's why I can't afford the fuel

For my robot body.

Is a problem.

Not for...

[Roars]

El tigre!

All: ooh!

We're going to get your money back from sartana.

We're doing what now?

Well, who are we,

Poor, weak, elderly persons,

To reject such an offer of kindness?

Come with me.

[Clangs] behold!

I have devised a brilliant plan

Which takes advantage of the el tigre powers

And very special weapons

We will provide for frida.

Wait. How can you already have a plan?

Uh...is magic?

Works for me. I'll buy that.

[Thunder crashes]

[Wolf howls]

There it is-- sartana's lair.

[Jet engines roaring]

Whoa!

[Beeps]

El tarantula's collapsible loot cart.

Handy!

[Clinking]

Going to need a bigger door.

No problem.

Mano negra's glove of doom.

Explodo-punch!

[Engine revs]

Uh, why aren't we moving?

[Engine stops]

Fools! [Laughs]

No one steals from startana of the dead!

[Both scream]

[Plays dissonant notes]

[Doors clank]

[All growl]

[All roar]

[Roars]

Hold on to my tail, frida.

[Blades sing]

[Thuds]

[Whirs]

Man, that was close.

Right, frida?

Frida!

[Laughing]

[Dissonant notes play]

[Booms]

Guys! Sartana has frida!

We got to go get her!

Frida? Our frida?

We should not have sent them!

That sweet girl. Is all our fault!

No, it's my fault.

I was the one who lost frida,

And I was the one who let you all down. I--

Sartana did not took our money!

We blew it all on dog races and pinky rings.

We conned you into robbing sartana for us.

Sartana has frida

Because you tricked us?

[Sighs] yes.

But mark my words,

We're going to get her back!

[Imitates comrade chaos] yes, we are.

[Normal voice] so, what's the plan?

We walk in and get frida. That's it?

Well, we probably won't walk out.

Enough talking!

[Toilet flushes]

Let's do this!

[Playing]

[Whistles]

[Gasps] [coins clink]

Let the girl go, sartana,

Or face the wrath of...

[Grunts]

Comrade chaos!

El tarantula!

And mano negra!

Hmm. Interesting subj--no!

Then this is going to get ugly!

Guys, you can't take on sartana.

You can barely chew solid food.

Let me do it.

Nyet! We betrayed you and caused all this.

If we must sacrifice ourselves to make right,

So be it.

You just get frida out of here.

Let's go!

Banditos! Destroy them!

[Whirring and clanking]

I love those guys.

They lied to us so we would rob sartana for them.

I hate those guys.

Puny skeletons!

You have no chance against the web of ultimate ruin!

Which...uh,

How do I do that?

It's been so long. [Chuckles]

No, don't tell me.

[Skeletons growl]

Ohh!

I have the lumbagos.

[Thuds]

I will now use my--

[Snores]

[Metal creaks and bangs]

How nice of you to come out of retirement

So that I can retire you permanently!

[All grunt]

[Plays dissonant notes]

[Villains groan]

Dude, what's with the slow-slow?

They lied to us, they cheated us,

But they need our help.

Plus, if they croak,

I don't think our community service counts.

You're like a pathetic pinata.

Let's see if you're full of candy.

[Laughs] [jet revs]

[Gasps]

[Screams]

Manny and frida: yee-haw!

There. You're home and not dead.

Now, find some new suckers to lie to.

[Villains laughing]

Hey, we're trying to lay a guilt trip here.

Guilt?

[All laugh]

What, you think we should to apologize?

We are villains!

We are supposed to lie!

But many gracious thanks to you.

You help us to feel evil once more.

And I got to use my robot body again,

For which I am grateful.

Really. I mean that.

Yes. You are very good kids.

And that is a problem.

Oof!

Comrade chaos: sorry, but supervillains cannot be seen

With goody-goodies like you.

Are we really goody-goodies?

[Rattling]

Nope.

[Crashes]

[Villains yelling]