04x38 - Aunt Emma Visits the Wilsons

[bunniefuu]

-Well, Eloise?

-As I've always

said, John, hanging

is too good for that picture.

-Oh, now, Eloise.

Aunt Emma did give it

to us, And after all,

I am her favorite relative.

-Well, you're the only

relative she still speaks to.

-Well, that makes me her

favorite, doesn't it?

Oh, I hope Dennis doesn't

come bothering the poor soul

while she's here.

-That's not what's

bothering you, John Wilson.

You're afraid she'll

leave her money

to those pet charities

of hers, instead of you.

-Well, I-- I must admit,

I'd feel easier in my mind

if we could count on Aunt

Emma leaving us her money.

If anything happened to me,

what would you be left with?

A few thousand in

insurance, and old house

with a mortgage as big

as this living room,

and a trunk full

of old stories that

I haven't been able to sell.

-You forgot one thing, dear.

-What's that?

-I'd also be left with a

lifetime of wonderful memories.

-Aha, yes, you

would, wouldn't you?

But, uh, just try eating them

some time when you're hungry.

[chuckling]

[theme music]

-I wonder how Aunt Emma's

doing with her charities?

-Oh, some charities.

The East Bend Bird Bath

Association, the, uh,

Save Our Chipmunks Society,

the Square Dancing Club

for Retired Carpenters, the--

say, did you buy enough tea?

You know a tea drinker she is.

-Dear, if I bought any

more tea, the English

would have to switch to coffee.

-I still wish I could count

on your having Aunt Emma's

money, in case I

departed, unexpectedly.

-Just what makes

you so sure that you

will depart unexpectedly

before I do?

-Statistics show that

we men usually do.

-Oh!

-Evidently, you women

nag us to death.

-Now, John Wilson, I do not nag.

Dear, don't you think we

ought to call the state--

-Aha, ha, aha!

Now, Eloise, I've told

you a dozen times,

Aunt Emma's train doesn't

arrive until : .

Now I have a memory

like an elephant.

-Hm, mm, mm.

[doorbell ringing]

-If that's Dennis,

tell him I've gone

to the North Pole for Christmas.

[sigh]

MRS. WILSON

(OFFSCREEN): Aunt Emma!

-Aunt Emma?

-Why didn't that silly husband

of yours come and meet me?

-He was busy being nagged.

-Aunt Emma!

You're early.

-The train was two minutes late!

-Oh!

-Oh, stop pecking me!

-Yeah, uh, well, I--

I'm sorry, Aunt Emma.

I mean about missing the train.

-Oh, don't apologize.

I expected it.

-Oh.

Oh, uh, where--

where are your bags?

-Oh, some dear

little boy is going

to bring them up from the curb!

-[gasp] Uh, excuse me.

Oh, uh, Dennis, I'll take those.

-Oh, I'm doing fine, Mr. Wilson.

-Uh, Dennis,

Dennis, don't argue.

Give me the--

-Hasn't changed a bit, has he?

The clumsiest boy in town!

-Would you like to go up to

your room, now, Aunt Emma?

-No, I think I'll stay here

and rest a little while.

-Oh, that's fine, dear.

I'll go make you some hot tea.

-Oh, thank you, dear.

-Oh.

Uh, notice the picture

on the wall, Aunt Emma?

-I gave that to you two years

ago, because I detested it.

-Oh, uh, well it's-- it's

one of our favorites.

-Hey, Mr. Wilson, how come you

brought that funny old picture

out of the basement?

-Uh, we, uh, we were

cleaning it, down there.

-How are things with you, John?

-Uh, financially, you mean?

Uh, not good, Aunt Emma.

Not good at all.

-Mr. Wilson's not even getting

air condition for his new car.

Thank you.

Uh, the, uh, the

one's falling apart.

Just like the one-horse Shay.

TOMMY (OFFSCREEN): Dennis!

-That's Tommy.

I gotta go now.

-Well, I think we can

manage without you.

-I'll see you later, Aunt Emma.

-Hm.

I like him.

He's as bright as

a button, isn't he?

-I prefer zippers, myself.

Uh, you look very

well, Aunt Emma.

-Considering I haven't

been embalmed yet.

-Oh, I didn't mean that!

-My health is fine, John.

My lawyer's health

is even better.

And I haven't decided

whether to leave my money

to you, or to those

quaint little charities

you're always making fun of.

Now, will you just let me

relax and enjoy myself?

-Hey, guess what I

got new at my house.

-What, Seymour?

-A dumb old baby sister.

-A baby sister?

-Are you sure?

-Sure, I'm sure.

I already saw her.

And she's, uh, she's

little and red,

and she cries all the time.

-Yep, that's a baby

sister, all right.

-What are you gonna call her?

-I want to call her Oscar,

after my turtle that d*ed.

-Oscar isn't a

girl's name, Seymour.

-So what, Chuck?

How many dumb old

girls ever get a chance

to be named after a real turtle?

-Yeah!

-Gee, I never thought

of it that way.

-Hey, you guys, let's

get the game started.

-All right.

I'll go ask Mr. Wilson

to referee for us.

-I'll go with ya.

-Yeah, me too.

-Well, here comes

your tea, Aunt Emma.

-Careful, John, or you'll

spill it, as you usually do.

-Ha, ha.

I haven't spilled anything

since I was six years old.

Upp-upp!

-Mr. Wilson!

-Dennis!

-You were saying, John?

-Now look what you've done!

-I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson.

We're gonna play basketball, and

we want you to referee for us.

-Oh, don't be silly.

You children don't

need a referee.

-Sure we do.

-We cheat!

-You could even use

my whistle, if you

promise not to get

bubble gum in it.

-Dennis, go dribble

someplace else.

-Now wait a minute, John.

I'll referee for the children.

-You, Aunt Emma?

-Oh, Aunt Emma,

don't be ridiculous.

-What do you know

about basketball?

-Well, I've never

played professionally.

But I've seen a

lot on television.

-That's OK with me!

Come on, Aunt Emma.

-Aunt Emma, you are not going!

-We all have to go

some time, John.

In my case, don't

hold your breath.

-Where's Aunt Emma going?

-To play basketball.

-Oh, that's n-- what?

-Well, actually,

she's refereeing.

And it's all Dennis' fault.

-Why?

Wouldn't he let her play?

-This is no laughing

matter, Eloise.

I'd better get out there

before she breaks some bones.

-Whose?

-Uh, eh-- all right.

Ea-easy fellas.

Just-- just get me to the couch.

-Be careful of him, boys.

Now be careful.

-I just want to stretch

out for a minute.

-You can put him down, there.

-If I don't sit

down, I'll fall down.

Thank you.

Thank you, Tommy.

-Here's the couch.

-Ugh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

-John!

John, what happened?

-Aunt Emma flattened him.

-I was running along,

minding my own business,

refereeing, when this husband

of yours gets in my way.

-I was standing

on the side line.

-Dennis, uh, tell him.

Where was he standing?

-Well, I guess his feet

were on the sidelines.

But Mr. Wilson's kind

of built going forward.

-Where does it hurt, dear?

-It would be easier to say

where it doesn't, Eloise.

-Aw.

Well, you just rest there.

I'll get a hot towel.

-Oh, you clumsy, clumsy boy!

[inaudible]

-How do you feel

now, Mr. Wilson?

-I presume I'll live, thank you.

Thank you.

-You don't look so good to me.

-You don't look so good

to me, either, Seymour.

-Your eyes are kind of

bloodshot, Mr. Wilson.

-Yeah, and your

head's kind of hot.

-Yep, he's going, all right.

-Oh, please!

-Here, dear.

-Ooh!

That's hot.

-John, you act like that's

the only head you've got.

-I better get going

home for lunch, Dennis.

-You look awful!

-Oh, ya miserable--

-Jeepers, Mr. Wilson,

maybe we ought

to shake your head to make

sure nothing's broken inside.

-Thank you, Dennis.

But right now I'm happy that

it's still attached to my body.

-It sure was nice of you to

referee for us, Aunt Emma.

And I'm glad you

didn't get hurt when

Mr. Wilson got in your way.

-Oh, well, thank you, Dennis.

Uh, Dennis, why

don't you come visit

a crabby old lady sometime?

-You really want me to?

-Well, of course, I do.

It does my own bones good to

see a bright, athletic little

gentleman like you.

Do you remember what a mess

you were at Dennis' age?

-I beg your pardon!

-Come to think of it, you've

changed remarkably little.

Well, what are you

waiting her for?

Go on home and get some lunch,

and come back and visit me!

-OK!

I'll see you all later!

Goodbye, Aunt Emma.

-Aw, he's all boy.

I like him.

-I'll call you when lunch

is ready, Aunt Emma.

EMMA (OFFSCREEN):

All right, dear.

[gasp]

-Eloise, did you

hear what she said?

-Oh, you mean about Dennis.

Oh, I thought she'd like him.

-Eloise, do you suppose Aunt

Emma is so eccentric that she

could suddenly become attached

to a little boy like Dennis,

and--

-John Wilson, will you please

stop worrying about that money?

-It isn't about me,

that I'm worrying.

-I know, dear.

But it's silly to

worry about me.

Why, if anything

did happen to you,

I-- I could always

get married again.

-Well, yes, I suppose

you-- married again!

Eloise, you wouldn't dare!

-Oh!

-I tell you, Eloise, that

kid's taking over my own house.

He's been under foot

the whole blessed day.

-That's nice, dear.

-And the way he's

monopolizing Aunt Emma's time,

it's-- that nice, dear?

Eloise, aren't you

listening to me?

-Well, of course, I am, dear.

-I can't get a word in

edgewise with my own aunt.

-John, what are you

carrying on about?

-My favorite aunt!

That's what I'm

carrying on about.

-There!

-Think you're pretty

smart, don't you?

-Well, I have won

four straight games.

-Well, when I want the

team standings, young man,

I will ask you for them.

-Uh, Dennis, it's

almost dinner time.

-Must you talk all

the time, John?

-Um--

-Now with the right move,

I could sew up this game.

-Oh, boy!

Thanks, Mr. Wilson!

-Well, I hope you're

proud of yourself, nosey!

-Yoo-hoo!

Aunt Emma!

I have a surprise for ya-- uh!

Aunt Emma!

Aunt--eh, oh.

-Oh, hello, dear.

What have you there?

-Some of Aunt Emma's

favorite candy.

Aunt Emma!

-She's next door

with Dennis, dear.

-Next door with Dennis?

What's she doing there?

-Why, I don't know.

Maybe he's throwing her a party.

-Throwing her a party?

Well, why wasn't I invited?

-Probably, because

you weren't here.

-Oh!

-Well, who's winning?

-Did you ever see a

winner at Monopoly look

as disgusted as I do?

-Well, Aunt Emma?

-Don't push me.

Don't push me.

Hm.

This lad of yours is a

tough businessman, Henry.

-Uh, yes.

He's just a chip

off the old block.

Isn't that right, dear?

-Oh, anything you say, dear.

-Now that's what I call

a well-trained wife.

-A well-trained wife who is

going to buy a new hat, today.

-Bu-- a new hat?

-Thanks, Aunt Emma.

-Uh, let me see, now.

Uh, I'll give you a piece of

property with two houses on it.

And then, there's

my apartment house.

-Is that all?

-And last, but not least,

I can give you my farm.

-Aunt Emma!

Whoa!

-John, next time, try the door.

-Eloise, are sure we moved

all my notes out of this desk

when we were taking

things down to the-- uh.

Well!

Imagine Aunt Emma

leaving her diary open

for-- for just anyone to see.

-Put it away.

-Uh, that's what I intend to do.

[gasp] Listen to this!

-John!

-"I'm getting fonder and fonder

of dear little Dennis every

day.

And John is still the clumsiest.

He got hit on the head

again this afternoon.

Eloise, she hates me.

-Oh, John!

-Oh, John, nothing!

I've got to do something,

and do it fast.

Or that kid will wind up

with Aunt Emma's money.

The way they've

been going around

together for the

last three days,

I expect Dennis to

give her his class pin.

-John!

Dennis is merely being

kind to a little old lady.

-Well, that may be so.

But Aunt Emma is

my little old lady.

If Dennis wants to be

kind to a little old lady,

let him find one of his own!

-And there's a daddy long legs.

And that's a water bug.

And there's a dumb old beetle.

-Fascinating.

Simply fascinating.

-Well, how is my

favorite aunt doing?

-Oh, hello, John.

-Hi, Mr. Wilson.

-Hi.

Are those bugs?

-Of course not.

They're the little people

Dennis is experimenting with.

-I could believe it.

Um, uh, Dennis, it's

nearly o'clock.

Don't you think--

-Oh, for heaven's sake.

Stop clucking like a

nervous house mother.

-Some bug collection, huh?

-Dennis, without a doubt, that

is the finest bug collection

I have ever seen.

-Have you ever had a bug

collection, Aunt Emma?

-My dear, I'm sorry to say, that

a first-class bug collection

is the one thing that I

have missed in my lifetime.

-That's a shame.

Hey, there's a pirate movie

on television tomorrow night.

Do you like pirates?

-Well, I've never

met any personally,

although my late husband

owned a sword belonging

to [inaudible] Yin, the

famous Chinese pirate.

-No kidding?

-It was about this long,

with real blood on the blade.

-Boy, would I like to

see a sword like that!

-My lawyer has it

for safe keeping.

He was afraid I'd

lose my temper and run

somebody through with it.

-I tell you, Eloise, Dennis has

brainwashed that naive little

old lady into believing that

he can do nothing wrong.

-John, I give up!

-Um, what are those?

-Trading stamps.

Only , more books

and I can get a yacht.

-If Dennis does

get her money, it's

unfair to me and those other

needy charities of hers.

-John Wilson, just look at you!

Aunt Emma's leaving

day after tomorrow.

But instead of

enjoying her visit,

you-- you've turned yourself

into a nervous wreck

over nothing.

-Over nothing?

-Over nothing!

For no reason at all,

you've convinced yourself

that Aunt Emma's going to

leave her money to Dennis

instead of you.

And John, you're

behaving very badly.

-Goodnight, my dear.

Uh, do you mind if

I give you a kiss?

-Well, if it's something

you just gotta do.

You're nice, Aunt

Emma, for a woman.

-Ooh!

That does it!

Scat, young man, before

I get my pirate sword!

-You know, Eloise,

you may be right.

The idea of Aunt Emma

leaving her loot to Dennis

is kind of ludicrous, isn't it?

-Heh, heh, heh.

Here, dear.

Finish this book for me, OK?

-All right.

Let's see.

-Well, at last you're

doing something useful.

-Thank you.

-Incidentally, John.

I decided what to do about

those charities of mine.

-You have?

I am bequeathing

each on them $ .

And letting it go, at that.

You happier now?

-Well, yes.

Yes, I am.

That is a very wise

decision, Aunt Emma.

-Good!

Now I'm going to my room to

write my lawyer about Dennis.

-You see, Eloise, it all wor--

write her lawyer about Dennis!

-Hey, Mom.

-Why aren't you asleep, son?

-I've got a problem.

-Mom, could I get a good,

hard-wearing handkerchief

for $ . ?

-Why, yes.

I'd say you could, dear.

-Why?

Are you expecting a runny nose?

-No.

But Aunt Emma's leaving for

home the day after tomorrow,

and I want to get her a

little going away present.

-Why, that's very

thoughtful of you.

-Especially since $ . 's don't

grow on trees for little boys.

-I don't really want

to get Aunt Emma

any old $ . handkerchief.

-Well, I'm sure Aunt Emma would

like whatever you give her,

dear.

-Well, I know what I'd

really like to give her.

But the trouble is, it's mine.

And I kind of like it, myself.

-You do have a

problem, don't you?

-What would you do, Mom,

if you were in my shoes?

-Well, I'd say that if you

think enough of someone

to want to give

him, or her, a gift,

the more you like the gift

yourself, the more you'll

enjoy giving it.

-Yeah, I guess you're right.

And I've got just the gift

to enjoy giving to Aunt Emma!

Goodnight.

-Goodnight, son.

-Goodnight, dear.

-Oh, thank you.

Thank you, very much.

Well, Aunt Emma, your tickets

are all taken care of.

Your train leaves at

: in the morning.

-Thank you, John.

-Although, I wish

you changed your mind

and stay a while longer.

-Oh, no.

I don't want to

wear out my welcome.

Besides, I've got to get

home and water my plants.

[doorbell ringing]

MRS. WILSON (OFFSCREEN):

I'll get it.

Hello, dear.

-Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

Hi, Mr. Wilson.

-Uh, it's you again, isn't it?

-Hi, dear.

Hi, Aunt Emma.

-Oh!

What's this?

-It's a going away present.

-Apple polisher.

-A going away present?

-Go ahead.

Open it.

-Oh, shall I?

Oh, for goodness

sakes, what is it?

Your bug collection!

And I thought it was

something to eat.

-Well, if you were

a frog, I guess.

-Why, that's your most

treasured possession.

I can't accept this.

-Sure, you can.

You gotta!

When you like a person

real well, like I do you,

you want to give them

something that you like, too.

So you can enjoy giving

it, that much more.

Isn't that right, Mr. Wilson?

-That's right, Dennis.

-Everybody knows it's much more

fun to give than to receive.

Isn't that right, Mr. Wilson?

-Oh, uh, that's right, Dennis.

-I think this is the

most wonderful present

I have ever had in my life.

And I'll never

forget your for it.

-Well, I gotta go now

and study my arithmetic.

Goodnight, Aunt Emma.

I'll see you tomorrow

before I go to school.

-All right, dear.

Goodnight, dear.

-Goodnight, Mrs.

Wilson and Mr. Wilson.

-Goodnight.

Eloise, I feel terrible.

-Dear, you ought to.

Now I think you had better

go in there and talk to her.

-Aunt Emma, there's

something I wa--

I wa- there's something I--

-Oh, stop stuttering, John.

What is it?

-Aunt Emma, I've been thinking.

I've been behaving very

badly, since you've been here,

and I'm sorry.

And I want you to know that,

I don't want your money.

I don't deserve your money.

And Eloise and I will get along

very nicely on what we have.

-Oh, is that so?

Well, I'm glad you told me.

I won't leave you my money,

as I was planning to.

-You were planning to?

But that letter to your

lawyer about Dennis?

-Oh, that.

Merely instructions

to send the child

an old pirate sword of mine.

-Th-- then you

weren't going to--

-No, John.

I wasn't.

[sigh]

-What am I going to do?

I laid awake all night,

worrying about it.

-Well, you might as

well relax, dear.

I'm afraid there's

nothing you can do.

[doorbell ringing]

-Good morning, Mr. Wilson.

Good morning, Mrs. Wilson.

-Good morning, dear.

-Good morning, Aunt Emma.

-Oh, good morning, dear.

And did you do that

arithmetic last night?

-Yes, ma'am.

I'm on my way to school now.

I'm studying long division.

-Oh.

By the way, in a

few days, a package

is coming for you,

containing a pirate's sword

that I was telling you about.

-Boy, you mean, I'm

gonna get to see it?

-To see it?

You're going to get to keep it!

-To keep it?

Thanks, Aunt Emma!

Wow!

Did you hear that Mr. Wilson?

-Yes, Dennis.

I think we'd better get started.

-As for you, John.

You still don't want

any of my money, right?

-That's right.

-All right, then.

I leave everything

I have to Eloise.

-Eloise?

-Oh, John, must

you be so clumsy?

Yes, I'm leaving all

my money to Eloise.

She'll need a nest

egg in her old age,

having to take care of a-- a

clumsy do-do bird like you.

-Thank you, Aunt Emma.

Hm.

That's very generous of you.

-Jeepers, Mrs. Wilson.

If you're going to

get a lot of money,

I'll come over and help

you count it every night,

on account of, I'm real

good at arithmetic.

Won't that be fun, Mr. Wilson?

-Oh, that'll be

peachy, dandy, Dennis.

[theme music]