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04x02 - You Go Your Way

Posted: 11/13/23 06:22
by bunniefuu
[glass breaking]

ALICE MITCHELL (OFFSCREEN):

Henry Mitchell!

Ooh, I knew you'd

break something

hitting that ball in here.

-Honey, I didn't hit any ball.

I didn't even a ball!

-Just look what you've done!

-Heh, heh, heh.

Dennis!

-OK, Dad.

I know what you want.

But first, let me tell

you what happened.

-I can see what happened.

Now somebody is gonna

have to pay for it.

-You mean, with money?

-Well, that's

what's usually used.

-Jeepers, Dad!

I don't much to use.

-And after you pay

for glass, Dennis,

who's going to put it in?

-OK.

All right.

I'll help him.

I'll show him how.

Dennis is getting old

enough now to realize

he has to repair

his own mistakes.

-But how am I gonna

get the money?

-Work.

Did you ever hear of the term?

You'll just have to

take up cutting lawns

on a regular basis.

-Ours, maybe, for $ ?

-No, not our, maybe.

But it's our window.

-Dennis, you know I

just cut our lawn.

-OK.

I'll go to work, even if I

only am in the th grade.

-That's the spirit, son.

Maybe cutting a few lawns

will develop those muscles

that you keep

telling me to feel.

-Jeepers!

If I were to build up

my muscles too much,

the next time I throw

a ball, it might

go clean through the house!

[theme music]

-I can't get over the

fantastic boo-boos

you pulled at Bridge last night.

-Now, dear, I asked

Alice, first thing

this morning, whether

I wasn't right.

And she said I was

absolutely right.

Dear, you shouldn't let things

like this upset your rest.

You tossed all night.

-Alice is a very fine woman.

But she is not necessarily

an authority on Bridge.

I bid one club, and you gave

me a jump raise in clubs.

Now really!

-John, I don't want to argue.

-Naturally, I supposed

you held a few trump.

-Hi, Mr. Wilson.

Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

-Good morning, dear.

-Hello, Dennis.

You know you should have

held more than you did.

-John, I explained last night.

-Want you grass cut, Mr. Wilson?

-No, I don't.

-The other Mr. Wilson

let me cut it sometimes.

-Well, I own the house now.

And I don't--

-John!

About last night.

You're East and

I am West, right?

-Right.

-And I'm over here.

And my dad says I've

gotta earn some money.

-I'm sorry, Dennis.

But there are things

going on over here

that have to be

straightened out.

Eloise, for the last time--

well, I can't understand!

You're East and I'm West.

Well, I simply

couldn't believe it.

You sitting there with

one club in your hand,

waiting for me to

make a fool of myself!

-Well, I'll try somebody else.

MRS. WILSON

(OFFSCREEN): John, you

shouldn't have been

trying for a slam.

MR. WILSON (OFFSCREEN): Oh,

you slammed me, all right.

MRS. WILSON (OFFSCREEN):

John, you're impossible.

-Now, Mr. Bushman used to like

a little honey in his coffee.

I used to call him

Old Sweetie Tooth.

Now when he went away,

he said to me, "Wait.

No matter how long it takes for

me to come back for you, wait."

-How long has that been, Esther?

-Well, it's been a lot

longer than he figured.

-That's the way it's

been with my beau, Elmer.

Now there was a dashing

figure of a man.

You know, I still

get all fluttery

when I think how he parted

his hair in the middle.

And when he got excited, his

little mustache would twitch.

-Well, I would trust a man

with a twitchy mustache.

[doorbell ringing]

-Oh, excuse me.

Oh, hello, Dennis.

-Hi, Miss Cathcart.

Want your grass cut?

Hi, Miss Tarbell.

-Hi, Dennis.

-My grass cut?

-Yeah, I gotta work

to earn some money.

I'll cut yours,

too, Miss Tarbell.

-Oh, I have an arrangement

with a nice gardener, Dennis.

-Yeah, I'm trying to make an

arrangement with him, too.

Why don't you cut

Mr. Wilson's lawn?

-Well, this is kind of a bad

time to bother Mr. Wilson.

He's pretty upset with Mrs.

Wilson about something.

-He's upset?

Come on in and have a cookie.

Now sit right down there.

There's your cookie.

What's he upset about?

-I don't know.

I heard him say Mrs.

Wilson was going East.

Maybe that's it.

Look, Miss Cathcart,

I'll do a really good job

cutting your grass for you.

-East?

What's she going East for?

-Maybe it's because she

had a club in her hand.

-A club?

-Did she hit him?

-Well, Mr. Wilson said

something about getting slammed.

But Mrs. Wilson

wouldn't do that.

-Of course, she wouldn't.

He's too nice a man.

-Look, Miss Cathcart, I'll even

trim around your flower bed

for you, if you let me--

-Listen, Dennis.

You can cut my lawn for $ . .

-Oh, boy!

Thanks!

-So the Wilson's are

having a bust 'em.

-Now you can't blame him.

Imagine any woman having a

man and then hitting him.

-Uh, uh.

Listen, I-- I've

got to go, dear.

I've got a million things to do.

-Yeah, so have I. But listen,

let's go past the Wilson house.

If she's been after

him with a club,

there's no telling

what's she's doing now.

Come on.

-John!

MR. WILSON (OFFSCREEN):

Uh, coming.

Coming.

Eloise, since you're

going to the dress maker,

would you stop at

the luggage shop

and see if you can

have this handle fixed.

-Ah, yes.

Our old bag.

We took that with us on

our honeymoon, remember?

-Yeah.

I guess that's why I'm

sentimental about it.

-That's exactly the

way I feel about you.

-Ah!

-Even if you do think

you're so good at Bridge!

-Look!

-[gasp] Good gracious, me!

Let's get a little closer and

see if we can hear anything.

-Well, don't let 'em see us.

They might think we're snooping!

-John, I'm sorry about

our disagreement.

It'll be best.

We just won't be

partners anymore.

-Yes, I think we had

better try it that way.

-Oh, poor man.

-She even took their only car.

-Well, he's probably

getting the house.

-Only because it's too

big to put in the car.

I bet she didn't leave a crumb

for him to eat, in ice box.

-Aw, he won't go hungry.

John Wilson, is-- John Wilson

is, uh, very comfortably fixed.

-Yeah , that's what worries me.

Every eligible woman

in this town is gonna--

-What's that about every

eligible woman, Esther?

-Oh, well, never mind.

Say, I've got a lot

of things to do.

Bye.

-Bye.

[humming]

-I'm all through with

your grass, Miss Cathcart.

-Well, good for you, Dennis.

Now here's your $ . .

And how would you like to

earn another dime in advance?

-Oh, boy, that would be swell!

-OK.

Now all you have to do.

Go down to Mr. Wilson's house.

When he's not looking,

slip into his kitchen

and see what he has

in his refrigerator.

-Well, what if he sees me and

wants to know what I'm doing?

-Under no circumstances are you

to let him know who sent you.

This a secret

between you and me.

-Oh, boy!

Thanks very much, Miss Cathcart.

I'll be back soon.

-OK.

Now I'm not here, I'll

be in the dress shop,

or in the beauty

parlor on the corner.

-OK.

Miss Cathcart.

-OK.

(SINGING) Honeymoon, uh,

keep a-shining in June.

Your silvery beams will

bring love's dreams,

we'll be cuddling soon.

Hello, beauty shop?

This is Esther Cathcart.

Can you work me in?

-Miss Cathcart?

It's been so long since

we've seen you here,

I thought something

happened to you.

-Well, something's

gonna happen, kiddo!

Listen, I want a permanent, a

tint, a facial, and a manicure.

And what have you got

in your bag of tricks?

-That sounds quite important.

What day would you

like to come in?

-What day?

Are you kidding?

I'm ready now.

This is an emergency!

-Well, we could work

you in around, uh, : ?

-I'll be there at : .

(SINGING) Honeymoon,

a-keep a-shining in June.

A-doo, doo, doo, doo.

Ha!

-Well, Dennis,

what are you doing?

Stalking an Indian?

-Oh, uh, hi, Mr. Wilson.

-Where were you

headed, young man?

-Um, to your kitchen.

-What for?

-To get a drink of water.

-Oh.

Oh, well, you can get a

drink of water from the hose.

There.

-Well, uh, wouldn't the

water in your refrigerator

be a lot colder?

-Well, I broke the refrigerator

water bottle, this morning.

So go ahead.

-How about if I just looked

at your refrigerator?

-Ah, hungry, eh?

Ha, ha.

Pretty sneaky, my boy.

Well, I can tell you

right now, there's

nothing in the

refrigerator but two onions

and a crust of bread.

-Is that all?

-That's about the size of it.

-Boy, it's hardly worth

a dime to find that out.

See ya around, Mr. Wilson.

-Good afternoon, Mrs. Drum.

-Oh, Miss Tarbell.

What can I do for you?

-Well, uh, have you heard

about the Wilsons breaking up?

-Oh, yes.

And isn't it a pity?

-Just awful!

I get so depressed when I hear

a terrible thing like that.

And the only thing

that boops me up

is to go out and buy

a new dress, and all.

So what have you got that's

kind of eye-catching?

-Well, I think I

have just the thing.

Esther Cathcart simply drooled

over this little this number,

but I didn't have her size.

-I'll take it.

-Oh, she's in the dressing

room, now, Miss Tarbell.

-(SINGING) Doo, doo, da-doo,

doo, da-doo, doo, doo.

-Don't tell her I'm here.

--[gasp] Oh, there you

are, Miss Cathcart.

Now I think that outfit

is simply stunning on you.

-What I like about it

is, it puts the accent

where it ought to be,

instead of where it is.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):

Hey, Miss Cathcart.

I got the dope you

wanted on Mr. Wilson.

-Uh, Dennis, I know

about Mr. Wilson.

Mrs. Drum and I were

just discussing it.

-Such a pity.

I just can't get over it.

-You mean, you already

found out that he

has two onions and a crust

of bread in his refrigerator?

-Dennis, I just don't want to

hear anything that personal.

-Well, then why did you

pay me a dime to find out?

-Dennis!

Just a moment Mrs. Drum.

I told you this is

our secret, didn't I?

-Yeah, but you just said

you talked to Mrs. Drum.

-All right.

All right.

How would you like

to earn another dime?

-You got another job for me?

-Sure.

Now find out from

Mr. Wilson which

he likes best, cherry

pie or lemon meringue.

But don't let him know

that I want to know.

-Oh, I see!

You're having a surprise

party for good ole Mr. Wil--

-Shh!

Listen, I'll be at

the beauty parlor.

-OK.

Goodbye.

-I'll take this, Mrs. Drum.

-Oh, fine.

I'll help you.

-Oh, hi, Miss Tarbell.

What are you're doing in there?

-Just browsing.

Now listen, when

you see Mr. Wilson,

don't let on that I

asked, but find out

how he likes his chicken cooked.

-Oh, you're joining

the party, too, huh?

-Yes!

And I'm gonna be

the first one there.

Come back to my

house and tell me.

And here's a quarter

for your trouble.

-Boy, if this detective

work keeps up,

I'm gonna be a millionaire

before I'm a teenager.

[knocking]

-Come in.

-Hi, Mr. Wilson.

Boy, am I busy today.

-Yeah.

So am I. What's on your mind?

-Well, I've been thinking

about things to eat, like food.

-No!

Not again.

-Mr. Wilson, if you had your

choice, which would you take,

a squishy cherry pie or

a gooshy lemon meringue?

-Dennis, when you speak of

cherry pie and lemon meringue

pie, you get me, right here.

I'd say it was a toss up.

-You like both the same, huh?

-In fact, if you

did toss 'em up,

I'd eat 'em both

before they came down.

-Good.

Now how do you

like your chicken?

-Well-- Dennis, are you

going to cook my dinner?

-Heck no!

I just wondered how you

like your chicken fixed.

-Well, there's nothing

like fried chicken.

Fried to a crisp,

juicy, golden brown.

I remember when I was

a boy, my mother used

to have chicken every Sunday.

Ah, you don't get fried

chicken like that anymore.

It used to melt in your mouth.

And those mashed potatoes,

covered with gravy!

Dennis, you're

making. me so hungry--

Guess he doesn't like chicken.

-Oh, hello, Catherine.

-Why, Mrs. Wilson.

Imagine seeing you.

-Well, I know I didn't

have an appointment.

But I simply forgot it.

Now the weekend's on me.

Look, could you

possibly sandwich me in,

just long enough to

shape me in back?

-Of course, if you don't

mind waiting a bit.

I'll just slip you

into this first booth

until Sybil is free.

-While I'm waiting,

I'll amuse myself.

-I, uh, uh, I just

can't tell you

how sorry I am to hear all

those stories going around

about you, Mrs. Wilson.

But you won't have to

amuse yourself long,

after you get to Reno.

I hear it's quite lively.

-Well, why would I got to Reno?

-You mean you aren't?

-Oh!

Certainly not.

Who told you I

was going to Reno?

-Oh, well, it's-- it's just

one of those things one

hears around a place like this.

It was probably some

other Mrs. Wilson.

Uh, will you excusee me?

-Oh, hello, Mrs. Simms.

Won't you make

yourself comfortable?

Claire will take you

in a few minutes.

-Oh thank you.

I'm afraid I'm just a

little bit early, anyhow.

[clunking]

-Oh, hello, Miss Cathcart.

My, It looks like you've

shopped the works.

-I haven't even

started yet, honey.

Ha, ha, ha.

Oh, hi, Mabel.

How have you been?

-Oh, fine, I guess.

-Uh, why don't you

two chat for a sec?

Diane will be

ready for you soon.

-Well, Diane to open

up all of her magic.

I want one of those new

sheik Cleopatra hairdos.

You know, where she's

eating the grapes.

-I'll tell her.

-Good.

Say, Mabel, you

heard the big news?

-What's that?

Eloise Wilson is leaving that

wonderful husband of hers.

MABEL (OFFSCREEN):

You don't mean it?

-So help me.

I saw her go, suitcase and all.

She took the car.

All she left him to

eat was some onions

and a stale crust of bread.

[gasp]

MABEL (OFFSCREEN): Really?

-And I have it on good

authority that she

swung on him with a club!

[gasp]

-Eloise must have had

some good reason for that.

-Not the slightest.

John Wilson is a

perfect gentleman.

-Well, I always did like him.

ESTHER (OFFSCREEN):

Oh, he's a doll!

And that poor dear

man, of course,

is going to need someone

to help you get over it,

so he won't get soured

on life, you know,

or anything like that.

-Yes.

[sigh]

-As you say, he's

such a handsome man.

-Well, he's years

younger than Eloise.

MABEL (OFFSCREEN):

I always thought

that she was rather

well preserved.

-So is a petrified mummy.

Ha, ha, ha.

But you know,

looking back on it,

I know just how it happened.

She was taking her

husband for granted,

and she let herself go.

It's a shame.

So many women make that mistake.

But John Wilson, oh,

he's a great guy.

You know, chesty, shoulders out

to here, then he slims down.

Well, chesty.

[sigh] What a man!

-Will take you now, Mrs. Simms.

-Oh, well, nice

seeing you, Esther

-Nice talking to you, too Mabel.

Don't let on I said a word.

-I'm back, Miss Cathcart.

-Oh, what did you find out?

Hurry up, while there's

no one here to hear.

-Well, Mr. Wilson

says it's a toss up

between cherry pie

and lemon meringue.

He's keen for both of 'em.

Am I gonna get to

come to his party?

-Well, it's kind of a

private party, Dennis.

Here's your dime.

-You couldn't make

it quarter, could ya?

-A quarter?

-That's what Miss

Tarbell gave me

for finding out how

he likes his chicken.

-Well, wouldn't that fry ya?

-Hey, that's how

he likes it, fried.

Bye, Miss Cathcart.

-Now then, Mrs. Wilson,

what you want is a trim.

-No, I-- first, I'd like to

ask you a question, Katherine.

How many years have

you been married?

-About years.

-Do you think that women our age

take our husbands for granted?

-Well, I haven't given

it very-- I suppose.

Although, we don't like

to admit it, we do.

-Now I'll answer your question.

No.

I do not want a trim.

I want everything you have.

That is, if you

have time for it.

-Everything?

-The works.

Just get me out of here

before the dress shops close.

-That's the way to do it.

Very neatly done.

-Well, I guess that about

finishes it, huh, Dad?

-And you made the

money to pay for it,

and you fulfilled

your obligation.

That's the best part of it.

I guess you'll be a

little more careful

about breaking windows now.

It's expensive.

-OK, Dad.

I'll remember.

-Here, you take the rest of

the putty back into the garage,

and you can go out and play

until we're ready for supper.

-Boy, what a day I've had.

And I've still got $ . left.

-Well, cutting lawns is

good, healthy exercise,

and profitable, too.

-Yeah.

But a detective

makes more money.

[doorbell ringing]

-Oh, coming!

Coming!

-Mr. Wilson!

I have a little

surprise for you.

-Miss Tarbell, how--

how nice of you.

Uh, won't you come in?

-Oh!

-Eloise isn't here

at the moment.

-Oh, you don't have to explain.

I fixed a big platter

of fried chicken.

And I thought we might

share dinner together.

-Oh?

-Why don't I put it in

the oven to keep warm?

That is, if you don't mind

my, sort of, taking over,

under the circumstances?

-What circumstances?

-Oh, ha, ha.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

-You were right about

making Dennis earn the money

to pay for the window, dear.

-Well, you can be sure

It won't happen again.

Breaking windows is just

a result of carelessness.

Hey, look at that!

-You were saying

about carelessness?

-I'll pay for it, honey.

But look at that!

-Ooh!

-Isn't that Esther Cathcart?

-Looks like a poor

man's Cleopatra, to me.

Miss Tarbell just went in there

a few minutes ago, all done up,

too.

What's going on over

at the Wilson's?

Is somebody sick?

-John, dear.

I had pies in both

hands, so I had

push the doorbell with my foot.

Working on all

cylinders, eh, beau?

-I-- I don't quite

understand why you're here.

-Well, you know the

old saying, ours not

to wonder why, ours but

to do or die trying.

Sweets to the sweet.

-Well, Esther Cathcart, we

didn't expect to see you.

But how nice of you

to bring desert.

-Didn't expect to find

to here, either, honey.

Would you mind taking these out

to the kitchen on your way out?

-You take care of

your pies, dear.

I have to look after John.

-Would you ladies kindly

explain what this is at about?

-You've had a hard

day, John, dear.

You ought to relax.

-I am relaxed.

Please!

Let go of my--

-And sitting there in

that tight collar and tie.

Here, let me loosen this.

-What is this?

Some kind of a joke?

-I was never more

serious in my life!

I want you to be comfortable.

-I am comfortable!

-Now let's slip out of this

coat, you poor, neglected man.

You're not used to

being fussed over.

[doorbell ringing]

-Am I intruding?

-Oh, no!

Not another one!

There are two women here

already, who had-- Eloise?

Eloise!

Well, but look at you!

-Mrs. Wilson!

-We thought you flew the coop.

-I?

Why should I?

When I found out we were

having fried chicken and cherry

and lemon meringue pie, well--

-Yeah, there's just one

thing I want to know.

What is this all about?

All right .

Which one is going

to talk first?

-You know, honey,

I can't get over

how great Mrs.

Wilson looked when

she came home-- if

it was Mrs. Wilson.

-But if they're

having a party, I

can't understand why we

didn't know about it.

-Dennis!

Dennis Mitchell!

-Oh, hi, John.

You want something?

-Yes, I want to

know why Dennis said

Eloise was chasing

me with a club!

-Dennis!

-Oh!

[doorbell ringing]

-Now young man, you just march

right up to Mr. and Mrs. Wilson

and apologize to them.

-OK, Dad.

-They're very angry with

you for what you did.

And we don't want to

lose their friendship.

-Heck no!

Gosh!

-Dennis!

All the Mitchells, come on in.

Come on in.

Eloise, we have company.

-Wonderful!

-Mr. Wilson, I want

to apologize for--

-Apologize?

Forget it, my boy.

Forget it.

You are just in

time, all of you,

to share some fried

chicken and cherry pie.

-Unless you prefer

lemon meringue.

-Oh, boy!

That would be neat!

-You two look simply elegant.

-Yes, doesn't she?

-Well it's-- it's

sort of an occasion.

-It is an occasion.

You might say, we're celebrating

a-- a second honeymoon.

-Well that's nice,

isn't it, dear?

-I think it's lovely.

-Mr. Wilson, I'm sure glad

you're not mad at me anymore.

-So am I. Now how

about that pie?

-Swell!

-All of you, go on in.

-All of you, go on in.

Go on in.

Make yourselves at home.

Now which do you like,

cherry or lemon meringue?

-Well, it's like you said,

Mr. Wilson, it's a toss up!

I'll take some of both!

[theme music]