03x31 - Dennis and the Dodger
Posted: 11/12/23 06:28
-Hey Mom, Dad,
guess what I found.
-We give up.
What?
-My toy bugle that
I thought I lost.
[playing bugle] I
wonder how it ever got
lost way up on the top
shelf of the linen closet.
[playing bugle]
-I wonder.
-Well, if you're so smart why
don't you hide it next time?
[playing bugle]
[theme music]
-There you are Mrs.
Wilson, pounds of sulfur
and a gallon of
black strap molasses.
-Well that ought to be
enough to last George
while he's on his trip.
He wouldn't think of
going through the spring
without being fortified
by sulfur and molasses.
-My dear old mother
used to say there's
nothing better as
a spring tonic.
-Oh, do you take it too?
-Me?
Frankly, it's all I
can do to sell it.
-Just put this on our bill.
I better get back
and help George pack.
-Thank you Mrs.
Wilson and call again.
-Hi Mrs. Wilson.
-Hi Mrs. Wilson.
-Oh, hello boys.
-Hi Mr. Quigley.
-Dennis.
-I've got a grocery
list here somewhere
that my mom wants you to fill.
-Has Mr. Wilson left
on his trip yet?
-No, he's leaving
this afternoon.
-We sure are going to
miss good old Mr. Wilson.
We were counting on him to
coach our baseball team again
this year.
-Yeah.
Now we're going to have
to find somebody else.
Dennis's dad can't do it because
he'll be out of town too much
of the season.
-Did you ask Mr. Schneider?
-You mean over at Schneider's
Market across the street?
-Yes.
-Schneider?
Why him of all people?
-George says he was a very good
baseball player in high school.
He thought he'd be a
good coach for the boys.
Well, goodbye.
-Bye Mrs. Wilson.
What do you think Tommy?
Should we go ask Mr. Schneider?
-Sure.
He's a nice guy.
-OK, come on.
-Just a minute
Dennis, uh-- don't you
want me to fill that
grocery list for you?
-Thanks just the
same Mr. Quigley,
but we'll get Mr.
Schneider to fill it out
while we talk to
him about baseball.
Come on, Tommy.
-Well, wait a minute now.
As a matter of fact, I
used to be quite a baseball
player myself.
-You're kidding.
-Did you really Mr. Quigley?
-As good as Mr. Schneider?
-Schneider.
If I couldn't play baseball
as good as Sam Schneider
I'd-- say, did I ever tell
you about the time I stretched
a bunt into a home run?
-Gosh, no.
How'd you do that?
-Well I-- let me have
that grocery list Dennis,
and I'll tell you
while I'm filling it.
My, this is a nice order.
One dozen eggs--
-Go on Mr. Quigley.
Tell us how you did it.
-Yeah.
How'd you stretch a
bunt into a home run?
-Well, I was mighty fast.
-Boy, you must have been.
-Let's see-- two quarts
of milk and two boxes
of vanilla wafers.
-Hey don't change the subject.
-Yeah.
How'd you make a
home run a bunt?
-Well I put a little
English on the bunt, see.
And before the pitcher could get
to it veered off toward third.
-Boy.
-Before the third baseman
could get his hands on it
I was around second.
And the first baseman
called, throw the ball to me.
-Why did the first
baseman want the ball
if you were already at second?
-Well, I went past first so
fast that he didn't even see me.
By the time the third baseman
threw the ball to first
I was heading for home
in a cloud of dust.
-What happened after that?
-Nothing.
After that, whenever
I ran the bases
they called the game
on account of dust.
-Otis, you must be
out of your mind
thinking you can
coach a baseball team.
-Oh now Dolly.
-Of all the crazy ideas,
this takes the cake.
You don't know a
thing about coaching.
-Well I can learn, can't I?
After all, ten
years ago you said
I didn't know anything about
running a grocery store.
-Ten years ago?
I said that ten minutes ago.
-Now honey bun, listen to me.
I couldn't very well let them
go to Schneider's, could I?
First thing you know he'd
have them all as customers.
-Another thing--
if they pick you,
who's going to mind the store
while you're out coaching.
-Well I thought maybe you would.
-Oh, goody.
In addition to the cooking,
the scrubbing, the mending,
the cleaning, the washing,
the ironing, the gardening,
you're going to let me
take care of the store.
Lucky me.
-Now honey bun, think
what this will mean to us.
On the back of every
one of those t-shirts
I'll have Quigley's Market.
Now there are nine
boys on every team
and they each have
two parents and they
have sisters and brothers
and uncles and aunts
and they all eat food.
And with me as coach
who do you think
they're going to buy it from?
-Well don't be
disappointed if they
get smart and don't ask you.
-I'm as good as elected.
[doorbell] Oh.
-Well, boys come on in.
[interposing voices]
-Hi you boys.
-Well gentlemen, to what do I
owe the honor of this visit?
-Mr. Quigley, we've
elected you to be
coach of the pee
wee baseball team.
-Do you hear that Dolly?
Isn't that nice.
-Lovely.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'll
let you boys talk baseball.
-All right.
What do you say Mr. Quigley?
Will you be our coach?
-In the words of
that great patriot
Cincinnatus, "I defer
to the will of destiny."
-What'd he say?
-Sounds like he's going
to coach for Cincinnati.
-Oh, no, no.
That means I accept.
-Oh, boy!
-(CHANTING) Two, four, six,
eight, who do we appreciate?
Coach Quigley!
Yay!
-Gentlemen, if we can get
Sandy Koufax to cooperate,
it'll be the biggest thing
that's happened to our town
since William Gibbs McAdoo
lost his hat in our hotel check
room.
Now the question is, who do
we get to contact Mr. Koufax?
As I see it--
[buzzer]
-Yes, Luella?
-(ON SPEAKER) Mr. Otis
Quigley's here to see you, sir.
-Oh, send him right in.
You know Otis Quigley-- big
help to me in my last campaign.
[knocking]
-Come in!
-Good morning, mayor.
Gentlemen.
-Good morning Otis.
-Oh, I hope I'm not
interrupting anything.
-Not at all Otis.
What's on your mind?
-Well, our team in
the pee wee league
has elected me their coach.
-Really?
Congratulations.
-Thank you.
And so as coach,
I've come down here
to see what the city
can do about giving them
some new uniforms.
-Well now Otis, as
much as we'd like
to help there isn't
anything in the city
budget for pee wee
baseball uniforms.
-After all, Mr. Mayor, these
boys are our future leaders.
Every one of them a prospective
customer-- uh, voter.
-You've got a point there Otis.
Tell you what-- Sandy Koufax is
coming to town for a few days.
-Sandy who?
-Sandy Koufax, a famous
pitcher with the Dodgers.
He's arriving tomorrow
to visit his aunt.
-Really?
-Yes.
And I had the idea
to-- [coughing] Lloyd
and I had the idea to contact
Mr. Koufax about getting
the Dodgers to play an
exhibition game in the spring
right here in our own town.
-Why Mr. Mayor-- and Lloyd.
That's a wonderful idea.
-Yes.
And I'll make you a
proposition, Otis.
-I'll see what I can do about
getting uniforms for the pee
wees if you'll
contact Mr. Koufax
and sell him on this
exhibition game idea.
-You bet I will.
-And another thing,
I'll make you
chairman of the
welcoming committee
if the Dodgers come to town.
-You'd do that?
-Right.
-Mayor, I compliment
you on your choice.
And believe me, as coach
of our pee wee team,
I'm eminently qualified for
this important assignment.
-Fine, Otis.
We're depending on you.
Here's his aunt's address
where he'll be staying.
-Thank you.
And don't you worry
about a thing.
I'll get on just
dandy with Sandy.
Dandy with Sandy, oh.
All right now, stand right
up straight there fellas.
OK, let me through here.
That's it.
Close right in.
I'll stand over here by Dennis.
All right.
Ready for the picture.
-For heaven's sakes Mr. Quigley.
Turn them around so I
can see their faces.
-Oh, well all right fellas.
Turn around.
Here, here-- that's it.
All right, sh**t.
-Well that was fine.
I'll get some more sh*ts
when you're in action.
-Good.
-When will the picture be
in the paper Mr. Quigley?
-Well Dennis, what
difference does it make?
-It'll be in tomorrow
evening's addition, Dennis.
-Not til then?
-That's right.
-Oh.
Well, all right boys,
let's get at it.
Tommy you catch and
Dennis you come with me.
Everybody warm up now.
Now let's go.
[boys yelling]
-All right now Dennis.
I want you to show me how
you throw a good curve ball.
-One curve ball coming up.
-All right.
-Ready Tommy?
-Yep!
-Wait a minute, Dennis.
No, you can't get any power
into a pitch without a wind up.
-You can't?
-Certainly not.
Now here, here, let me show you.
That's right, you
stand right over there.
All right Tommy.
A fast one right over the plate.
-I'll put on my spacesuit
and go after that one.
-Well I-- I'm a little wild
yet, I haven't warmed up.
But that just shows you the
value of early spring training.
Here, here.
You know how to do it now.
Let me see you try it.
Here you are.
Here's the ball.
-I didn't think pitchers
wound up like this anymore.
-Excuse me but I
think he's right.
He'll just wear
himself out like that.
-Is that so?
-What do you know
about pitching?
-Well, I know I've got
a lot to learn but--
-I should say you have.
Now let me tell you
something, sport.
I'm the coach here and I don't
need help from every Tom,
d*ck, and Harry that
wanders in here.
Now, you go on about
your own business.
If you've got any.
-Hey, aren't you Sandy Koufax?
-That's right.
-He, Sandy Koufax-- you--
-(YELLING) Hey guys!
It's Sandy Koufax, the
pitcher for the Dodgers!
-Holy mackerel,
now I've done it.
[cheering]
-Hey Mr. Koufax!
How many games are you going
to win this year, twenty?
-I think he can win thirty!
-Hey, take it easy.
-Can I have your
autograph, Mr. Koufax?
-Why don't you call me Sandy.
-How about autographing my
baseball [inaudible], Sandy.
-I'll be glad to.
-How long are you going
to be around here Sandy?
-Oh, just for a few days.
-Hey, if you're going be
around for a while, how
about giving us some
pointers on baseball?
-Yeah, we sure could
do with a coach
who knows what it's all about.
-How about it, Sandy?
Will you coach us?
-I'll be happy to.
It'll give me a chance
to work out a little.
-Oh boy.
We'll be a cinch to win the pee
wee league championship now.
-Sandy!
-Sandy.
-Hey Sandy.
How about a picture Sandy?
-Fine.
-Hey!
I want to be in it too!
-Well you can all be in it.
Let's go over there.
[cheering]
-But-- but after
all, I'm-- I'm--
-I guess I'm not
needed around here.
[whistle] And after
I'd insulted Koufax,
I couldn't very well
ask him for a favor.
-Well didn't you even
try to apologize?
-I didn't have a chance with
all that commotion going on.
Anyway, it wasn't my fault.
How'd I know it
was Sandy Koufax.
The mayor said he wouldn't
be in town til tomorrow.
-Well I told you not to believe
everything that mayor says.
-Dolly you should have seen
the way those boys crowded
around Sandy Koufax,
totally ignoring me.
And after I spent all that
money for those t-shirts.
-Yeah, first thing
you know Koufax
will open up a grocery store.
-Dolly don't say that.
I feel bad enough already.
Now I know how
Casey Stengel felt.
[phone ringing]
-Hello?
Yes, he's here.
It's the mayor, coach.
-How will I ever
explain this to him?
Hello your honor.
-Otis.
I just heard that Sandy
Koufax is already in town.
-Yeah, I know.
-Well, did you speak to him?
-Yes I uh-- I spoke to him.
-Good.
What did he say?
-Well, things are kind of
up in the air at the moment.
-What do you mean?
-Well with all that commotion
going on, people milling around
and--
-Now Otis, don't
you goof on this.
We're depending on you
so get on the ball.
Did you get it Otis?
I'm talking about baseball
and I say, get on the ball.
Pretty funny, ay Otis?
-Oh, yes Mr. Mayor.
That's very funny,
very-- goodbye.
Dolly, help me.
What am I going to do?
-Stop blubbering and go
apologize to the man.
-Well, I guess I'll have to.
If I don't get
Koufax's cooperation,
I won't be head of that
welcoming committee
if the Dodgers do come to town.
The mayor gave me his address.
I'll go talk to Koufax
right after dinner.
-That's a good idea.
-Say, wait a minute.
Why don't we ask
him here for dinner?
-No, forget it.
Tonight's no night to
have a Dodger here.
-Why not?
-You know what we're having?
Yankee Pot Roast.
-Oh, you're as
funny as the mayor.
[doorbell]
-Good evening.
Is uh, Sandy Koufax
staying here?
-Yes, I'm his aunt Harriet.
-Oh, I'm delighted to meet you.
I'm Otis Quigley.
I wonder if I might see Sandy.
-Well, he's shaving right now
but he'll be out in a minute
if you care to wait.
-Oh, thank you.
-Won't you sit down?
-Oh, thank you.
-Oh, you're so nice and polite
you remind me of Hack Wilson.
Did you know Hack?
-Hack?
-Hack Wilson, power hitter
for the Chicago Cubs.
RBI champ, .
-RBI?
-Runs batted in.
Old Hack's got the
all-time record.
Knocked in in one season.
-Oh, oh that Hack.
-Boy, could he ever
suck that old apple.
He was one of the top of
all time home run hitters.
Banged out .
-Remarkable.
-And you say you never knew him.
-No, no, I didn't know him.
I'm very sorry.
-What do you want
to see Sandy about?
-Well Sandy and I had a little
misunderstanding this afternoon
and I came here to apologize.
-Oh, Sandy never holds a grudge.
He's the most generous,
forgiving boy in the world.
-Well, I'm certainly
glad to hear that.
It's very important that
Sandy and I get on good terms.
Is that his bat?
-That's my bat.
I swung a mean willow
in the old days.
-You mean, you played baseball?
-Played shortstop for the
Harrisburg Hurricanes,
semi-pro.
I hold a lifetime
batting average of .
-Oh, you mean softball.
-Softball.
What do you think I am, a sissy?
Hottest team in
southern Pennsylvania.
We had four nurses, two
manicurists, two mail order
secretaries, and
a lady blacksmith.
-Well, I was pretty good
with a bat once myself.
I remember one time I was
playing with my hometown team
and the tying run was at third
when I came to the plate.
The pitcher threw me a drop
but I was ready for it.
I watched the ball come nearer
and nearer and then I swung.
-Oh!
-Oh, no I'm terribly sorry!
-Now look what you've done!
Are you all right Sandy?
-Well at least it's not broken.
-Oh, I feel terrible about this.
Well thank heaven anyway
it's his left arm.
He can still pitch.
-Knucklehead!
Sandy's a southpaw!
-Oh!
-Sandy I'll rub that arm
down with some alcohol
and then I'll put
the heat lamp on.
[phone ringing]
-Hello?
Oh, just a minute.
Otis it's that yacky mayor.
-I'm not in.
-Oh he'll only call back.
MAYOR (ON PHONE): You
bet your life I will.
-Take over.
I have to go to the bank.
-Hello Mr. Mayor.
I just came in.
-Otis, what's this
I hear about you
insulting Sandy Koufax by
not even knowing who he was?
-Well Mr. Mayor, you see--
-You're darn tooting, I see.
I see I picked the
wrong man for the job.
-But Mr. Mayor.
-A famous personality comes
to visit our fair city
and-- and you insult him.
-I can explain if you'll
only listen to me.
-Quigley, I didn't get where
I am today by listening.
I should've known better
than to entrust you
with an important
civic responsibility.
And you can forget
about being chairman
of the welcoming committee.
I'll handle it myself.
-This is the blackest
day of my life.
-Hi Mr. Quigley.
-Hi Mr. Quigley.
-Hello Mitchell.
Well, Dennis I didn't
expect to see you
as long as Sandy
Koufax was in town.
-Dennis told me about that.
That's why we're
here to talk to you.
-Yes.
We missed you at
baseball practice.
-That's hard to believe Dennis.
Obviously with Koufax
here you don't need me.
-We do too need you Mr. Quigley.
Sandy's only going to
be here a few days.
Come out this afternoon,
will you please?
-Well--
-Dennis, why don't you run
on out to baseball practice
and let me talk to Mr. Quigley.
-OK.
But make him come, will you dad?
Even Sandy Koufax says
we've got to have a coach.
And if Mr. Quigley
doesn't show up
he'll send over
his aunt Harriet.
-His aunt?
Of all the nerve.
-Well after all Mr. Quigley, the
boys did elect you their coach.
I think you're
letting them down.
-I'm letting them down?
You didn't see them ignore me
to crowd around Sandy Koufax.
-Come on, Mr. Quigley.
How about it?
After all, Sandy'll only
be here for a short time
and then who's going
to coach the boys?
-Well, I'll have
to think it over.
-His aunt Harriet?
-I thought it over.
Let's go.
-Now, Dennis this
is the way you hold
the ball when you
throw a slider.
-Boy, I sure do
want to learn that.
-By the way Dennis, what
happened to Mr. Quigley?
I thought you were going to
bring him back with you today.
-Well, he says as long as we've
got you we don't need him.
-For once he's right.
-Watch it now, Rodney.
That's not nice.
Besides, you know I'm going
to leave in a few days.
-I feel like a fifth wheel
around here Mitchell.
-Nonsense, you're the main cog.
And I don't think you ought
to put off talking to Koufax.
-Oh, I don't want
to disturb him now.
I better wait til he's alone.
-Hi Mr. Quigley!
Boy, I'm glad you
decided to come.
You're just in time to help
us with batting practice.
-No, for the time being Dennis
I'm here merely as an observer.
-All right you guys, let's
sharpen up our batting eyes.
-Well burn my toast.
Is she taking over?
-Don't let her Mr. Quigley.
We don't want a woman
coaching us how to bat.
-I should say not.
-You'll get better
results son if you
choke your bat a little more.
-If you don't mind,
I'm the coach here.
-Is that so?
-Yes, that's so.
The trouble with you
Albert is that you're
choking the bat too much.
Hold it here and then
you'll get some real power
into your swing.
-Atta boy Mr. Quigley.
You show him.
-How about it Sandy?
You ready?
-OK Tommy.
Promised the boys
I'd pitch a few.
-I told them I'd umpire.
-Now look out.
You've got to get the bat
up high, up high like this.
Then you can get some
power when you swing.
Now look.
You fellas get over there
behind the backstop.
I'll show you what I mean.
If someone will
just throw me one.
-He will.
-Oh my gosh.
Dennis, you take this.
I don't feel like
swinging a bat today.
-Oh go on Mr. Quigley.
Hit a few.
-Well I-- I-- I--
-How can he show
anybody how to bat
when he falls apart
just standing there.
-Yeah he's supposed
to be our coach
and he's afraid to
bad against Sandy.
-He is not afraid.
Are you Mr. Quigley?
-No but, uh-- You can
k*ll me with that ball.
-Sandy, is there
do to make him look
good out there?
He's having a rough
time with the kids.
-Well he closes his eyes
every time he swings.
Maybe I can hit his bat.
I missed it.
-Poor guy, he's nervous.
The mayor asked
him to talk to you
about getting the Dodgers out
here for an exhibition game
and offered him the chairmanship
of the welcoming committee.
-Well, I'll try it again.
[cheering]
-Wow.
-Wow, that's a home run
in anybody's league!
-Boy, you were
great Mr. Quigley.
-Imagine getting a home
run off Sandy Koufax.
And I saw it coach.
-Oh it wasn't anything, really.
-Mr. Koufax!
I'm the mayor of our little
city and I want to welcome you.
-Well thank you sir.
-At the same time I want to
apologize for the miserable
treatment you received at the
hands of uh-- Quigley here.
-What do you mean mayor?
Mr. Quigley and I are friends.
-Oh-- oh you are?
-He just hit a
home run off of me.
One of the longest
I've ever seen.
-Oh, well I must have
been misinformed.
-Well that's not unusual.
-Mr. Koufax, the reason I'm
here is to ask you a favor.
Do you suppose you could get the
Dodgers to play an exhibition
game in our town next spring?
Well I think it's a
great idea and I'll
recommended it on one condition.
-Oh of course, of
course, what is it?
-That my good
friend, Mr. Quigley,
be made chairman of the
welcoming committee.
He's a real baseball
fan and he's
doing a great job
with these kids.
-Why sure thing, Mr. Koufax.
Otis, the whole kit and
kaboodle is in your hands.
-Oh really?
Thank you Mr. Mayor.
And Sandy, I want to apologize
for balling you out yesterday,
not to mention almost
knocking you out with the bat.
-Forget it, coach.
After being balled
out by Walter Alston
you sounded almost friendly.
Put her there.
-You bet I will.
-Boy, that's great.
Well, OK you guys.
Let's hear it for coach Quigley.
-(CHANTING) Two, four, six,
eight, who do we appreciate?
Coach Quigley, yay!
[theme music]
ANNOUNCER: This has been a
screen gems film production
from the Hollywood studios
of Columbia Pictures.
guess what I found.
-We give up.
What?
-My toy bugle that
I thought I lost.
[playing bugle] I
wonder how it ever got
lost way up on the top
shelf of the linen closet.
[playing bugle]
-I wonder.
-Well, if you're so smart why
don't you hide it next time?
[playing bugle]
[theme music]
-There you are Mrs.
Wilson, pounds of sulfur
and a gallon of
black strap molasses.
-Well that ought to be
enough to last George
while he's on his trip.
He wouldn't think of
going through the spring
without being fortified
by sulfur and molasses.
-My dear old mother
used to say there's
nothing better as
a spring tonic.
-Oh, do you take it too?
-Me?
Frankly, it's all I
can do to sell it.
-Just put this on our bill.
I better get back
and help George pack.
-Thank you Mrs.
Wilson and call again.
-Hi Mrs. Wilson.
-Hi Mrs. Wilson.
-Oh, hello boys.
-Hi Mr. Quigley.
-Dennis.
-I've got a grocery
list here somewhere
that my mom wants you to fill.
-Has Mr. Wilson left
on his trip yet?
-No, he's leaving
this afternoon.
-We sure are going to
miss good old Mr. Wilson.
We were counting on him to
coach our baseball team again
this year.
-Yeah.
Now we're going to have
to find somebody else.
Dennis's dad can't do it because
he'll be out of town too much
of the season.
-Did you ask Mr. Schneider?
-You mean over at Schneider's
Market across the street?
-Yes.
-Schneider?
Why him of all people?
-George says he was a very good
baseball player in high school.
He thought he'd be a
good coach for the boys.
Well, goodbye.
-Bye Mrs. Wilson.
What do you think Tommy?
Should we go ask Mr. Schneider?
-Sure.
He's a nice guy.
-OK, come on.
-Just a minute
Dennis, uh-- don't you
want me to fill that
grocery list for you?
-Thanks just the
same Mr. Quigley,
but we'll get Mr.
Schneider to fill it out
while we talk to
him about baseball.
Come on, Tommy.
-Well, wait a minute now.
As a matter of fact, I
used to be quite a baseball
player myself.
-You're kidding.
-Did you really Mr. Quigley?
-As good as Mr. Schneider?
-Schneider.
If I couldn't play baseball
as good as Sam Schneider
I'd-- say, did I ever tell
you about the time I stretched
a bunt into a home run?
-Gosh, no.
How'd you do that?
-Well I-- let me have
that grocery list Dennis,
and I'll tell you
while I'm filling it.
My, this is a nice order.
One dozen eggs--
-Go on Mr. Quigley.
Tell us how you did it.
-Yeah.
How'd you stretch a
bunt into a home run?
-Well, I was mighty fast.
-Boy, you must have been.
-Let's see-- two quarts
of milk and two boxes
of vanilla wafers.
-Hey don't change the subject.
-Yeah.
How'd you make a
home run a bunt?
-Well I put a little
English on the bunt, see.
And before the pitcher could get
to it veered off toward third.
-Boy.
-Before the third baseman
could get his hands on it
I was around second.
And the first baseman
called, throw the ball to me.
-Why did the first
baseman want the ball
if you were already at second?
-Well, I went past first so
fast that he didn't even see me.
By the time the third baseman
threw the ball to first
I was heading for home
in a cloud of dust.
-What happened after that?
-Nothing.
After that, whenever
I ran the bases
they called the game
on account of dust.
-Otis, you must be
out of your mind
thinking you can
coach a baseball team.
-Oh now Dolly.
-Of all the crazy ideas,
this takes the cake.
You don't know a
thing about coaching.
-Well I can learn, can't I?
After all, ten
years ago you said
I didn't know anything about
running a grocery store.
-Ten years ago?
I said that ten minutes ago.
-Now honey bun, listen to me.
I couldn't very well let them
go to Schneider's, could I?
First thing you know he'd
have them all as customers.
-Another thing--
if they pick you,
who's going to mind the store
while you're out coaching.
-Well I thought maybe you would.
-Oh, goody.
In addition to the cooking,
the scrubbing, the mending,
the cleaning, the washing,
the ironing, the gardening,
you're going to let me
take care of the store.
Lucky me.
-Now honey bun, think
what this will mean to us.
On the back of every
one of those t-shirts
I'll have Quigley's Market.
Now there are nine
boys on every team
and they each have
two parents and they
have sisters and brothers
and uncles and aunts
and they all eat food.
And with me as coach
who do you think
they're going to buy it from?
-Well don't be
disappointed if they
get smart and don't ask you.
-I'm as good as elected.
[doorbell] Oh.
-Well, boys come on in.
[interposing voices]
-Hi you boys.
-Well gentlemen, to what do I
owe the honor of this visit?
-Mr. Quigley, we've
elected you to be
coach of the pee
wee baseball team.
-Do you hear that Dolly?
Isn't that nice.
-Lovely.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'll
let you boys talk baseball.
-All right.
What do you say Mr. Quigley?
Will you be our coach?
-In the words of
that great patriot
Cincinnatus, "I defer
to the will of destiny."
-What'd he say?
-Sounds like he's going
to coach for Cincinnati.
-Oh, no, no.
That means I accept.
-Oh, boy!
-(CHANTING) Two, four, six,
eight, who do we appreciate?
Coach Quigley!
Yay!
-Gentlemen, if we can get
Sandy Koufax to cooperate,
it'll be the biggest thing
that's happened to our town
since William Gibbs McAdoo
lost his hat in our hotel check
room.
Now the question is, who do
we get to contact Mr. Koufax?
As I see it--
[buzzer]
-Yes, Luella?
-(ON SPEAKER) Mr. Otis
Quigley's here to see you, sir.
-Oh, send him right in.
You know Otis Quigley-- big
help to me in my last campaign.
[knocking]
-Come in!
-Good morning, mayor.
Gentlemen.
-Good morning Otis.
-Oh, I hope I'm not
interrupting anything.
-Not at all Otis.
What's on your mind?
-Well, our team in
the pee wee league
has elected me their coach.
-Really?
Congratulations.
-Thank you.
And so as coach,
I've come down here
to see what the city
can do about giving them
some new uniforms.
-Well now Otis, as
much as we'd like
to help there isn't
anything in the city
budget for pee wee
baseball uniforms.
-After all, Mr. Mayor, these
boys are our future leaders.
Every one of them a prospective
customer-- uh, voter.
-You've got a point there Otis.
Tell you what-- Sandy Koufax is
coming to town for a few days.
-Sandy who?
-Sandy Koufax, a famous
pitcher with the Dodgers.
He's arriving tomorrow
to visit his aunt.
-Really?
-Yes.
And I had the idea
to-- [coughing] Lloyd
and I had the idea to contact
Mr. Koufax about getting
the Dodgers to play an
exhibition game in the spring
right here in our own town.
-Why Mr. Mayor-- and Lloyd.
That's a wonderful idea.
-Yes.
And I'll make you a
proposition, Otis.
-I'll see what I can do about
getting uniforms for the pee
wees if you'll
contact Mr. Koufax
and sell him on this
exhibition game idea.
-You bet I will.
-And another thing,
I'll make you
chairman of the
welcoming committee
if the Dodgers come to town.
-You'd do that?
-Right.
-Mayor, I compliment
you on your choice.
And believe me, as coach
of our pee wee team,
I'm eminently qualified for
this important assignment.
-Fine, Otis.
We're depending on you.
Here's his aunt's address
where he'll be staying.
-Thank you.
And don't you worry
about a thing.
I'll get on just
dandy with Sandy.
Dandy with Sandy, oh.
All right now, stand right
up straight there fellas.
OK, let me through here.
That's it.
Close right in.
I'll stand over here by Dennis.
All right.
Ready for the picture.
-For heaven's sakes Mr. Quigley.
Turn them around so I
can see their faces.
-Oh, well all right fellas.
Turn around.
Here, here-- that's it.
All right, sh**t.
-Well that was fine.
I'll get some more sh*ts
when you're in action.
-Good.
-When will the picture be
in the paper Mr. Quigley?
-Well Dennis, what
difference does it make?
-It'll be in tomorrow
evening's addition, Dennis.
-Not til then?
-That's right.
-Oh.
Well, all right boys,
let's get at it.
Tommy you catch and
Dennis you come with me.
Everybody warm up now.
Now let's go.
[boys yelling]
-All right now Dennis.
I want you to show me how
you throw a good curve ball.
-One curve ball coming up.
-All right.
-Ready Tommy?
-Yep!
-Wait a minute, Dennis.
No, you can't get any power
into a pitch without a wind up.
-You can't?
-Certainly not.
Now here, here, let me show you.
That's right, you
stand right over there.
All right Tommy.
A fast one right over the plate.
-I'll put on my spacesuit
and go after that one.
-Well I-- I'm a little wild
yet, I haven't warmed up.
But that just shows you the
value of early spring training.
Here, here.
You know how to do it now.
Let me see you try it.
Here you are.
Here's the ball.
-I didn't think pitchers
wound up like this anymore.
-Excuse me but I
think he's right.
He'll just wear
himself out like that.
-Is that so?
-What do you know
about pitching?
-Well, I know I've got
a lot to learn but--
-I should say you have.
Now let me tell you
something, sport.
I'm the coach here and I don't
need help from every Tom,
d*ck, and Harry that
wanders in here.
Now, you go on about
your own business.
If you've got any.
-Hey, aren't you Sandy Koufax?
-That's right.
-He, Sandy Koufax-- you--
-(YELLING) Hey guys!
It's Sandy Koufax, the
pitcher for the Dodgers!
-Holy mackerel,
now I've done it.
[cheering]
-Hey Mr. Koufax!
How many games are you going
to win this year, twenty?
-I think he can win thirty!
-Hey, take it easy.
-Can I have your
autograph, Mr. Koufax?
-Why don't you call me Sandy.
-How about autographing my
baseball [inaudible], Sandy.
-I'll be glad to.
-How long are you going
to be around here Sandy?
-Oh, just for a few days.
-Hey, if you're going be
around for a while, how
about giving us some
pointers on baseball?
-Yeah, we sure could
do with a coach
who knows what it's all about.
-How about it, Sandy?
Will you coach us?
-I'll be happy to.
It'll give me a chance
to work out a little.
-Oh boy.
We'll be a cinch to win the pee
wee league championship now.
-Sandy!
-Sandy.
-Hey Sandy.
How about a picture Sandy?
-Fine.
-Hey!
I want to be in it too!
-Well you can all be in it.
Let's go over there.
[cheering]
-But-- but after
all, I'm-- I'm--
-I guess I'm not
needed around here.
[whistle] And after
I'd insulted Koufax,
I couldn't very well
ask him for a favor.
-Well didn't you even
try to apologize?
-I didn't have a chance with
all that commotion going on.
Anyway, it wasn't my fault.
How'd I know it
was Sandy Koufax.
The mayor said he wouldn't
be in town til tomorrow.
-Well I told you not to believe
everything that mayor says.
-Dolly you should have seen
the way those boys crowded
around Sandy Koufax,
totally ignoring me.
And after I spent all that
money for those t-shirts.
-Yeah, first thing
you know Koufax
will open up a grocery store.
-Dolly don't say that.
I feel bad enough already.
Now I know how
Casey Stengel felt.
[phone ringing]
-Hello?
Yes, he's here.
It's the mayor, coach.
-How will I ever
explain this to him?
Hello your honor.
-Otis.
I just heard that Sandy
Koufax is already in town.
-Yeah, I know.
-Well, did you speak to him?
-Yes I uh-- I spoke to him.
-Good.
What did he say?
-Well, things are kind of
up in the air at the moment.
-What do you mean?
-Well with all that commotion
going on, people milling around
and--
-Now Otis, don't
you goof on this.
We're depending on you
so get on the ball.
Did you get it Otis?
I'm talking about baseball
and I say, get on the ball.
Pretty funny, ay Otis?
-Oh, yes Mr. Mayor.
That's very funny,
very-- goodbye.
Dolly, help me.
What am I going to do?
-Stop blubbering and go
apologize to the man.
-Well, I guess I'll have to.
If I don't get
Koufax's cooperation,
I won't be head of that
welcoming committee
if the Dodgers do come to town.
The mayor gave me his address.
I'll go talk to Koufax
right after dinner.
-That's a good idea.
-Say, wait a minute.
Why don't we ask
him here for dinner?
-No, forget it.
Tonight's no night to
have a Dodger here.
-Why not?
-You know what we're having?
Yankee Pot Roast.
-Oh, you're as
funny as the mayor.
[doorbell]
-Good evening.
Is uh, Sandy Koufax
staying here?
-Yes, I'm his aunt Harriet.
-Oh, I'm delighted to meet you.
I'm Otis Quigley.
I wonder if I might see Sandy.
-Well, he's shaving right now
but he'll be out in a minute
if you care to wait.
-Oh, thank you.
-Won't you sit down?
-Oh, thank you.
-Oh, you're so nice and polite
you remind me of Hack Wilson.
Did you know Hack?
-Hack?
-Hack Wilson, power hitter
for the Chicago Cubs.
RBI champ, .
-RBI?
-Runs batted in.
Old Hack's got the
all-time record.
Knocked in in one season.
-Oh, oh that Hack.
-Boy, could he ever
suck that old apple.
He was one of the top of
all time home run hitters.
Banged out .
-Remarkable.
-And you say you never knew him.
-No, no, I didn't know him.
I'm very sorry.
-What do you want
to see Sandy about?
-Well Sandy and I had a little
misunderstanding this afternoon
and I came here to apologize.
-Oh, Sandy never holds a grudge.
He's the most generous,
forgiving boy in the world.
-Well, I'm certainly
glad to hear that.
It's very important that
Sandy and I get on good terms.
Is that his bat?
-That's my bat.
I swung a mean willow
in the old days.
-You mean, you played baseball?
-Played shortstop for the
Harrisburg Hurricanes,
semi-pro.
I hold a lifetime
batting average of .
-Oh, you mean softball.
-Softball.
What do you think I am, a sissy?
Hottest team in
southern Pennsylvania.
We had four nurses, two
manicurists, two mail order
secretaries, and
a lady blacksmith.
-Well, I was pretty good
with a bat once myself.
I remember one time I was
playing with my hometown team
and the tying run was at third
when I came to the plate.
The pitcher threw me a drop
but I was ready for it.
I watched the ball come nearer
and nearer and then I swung.
-Oh!
-Oh, no I'm terribly sorry!
-Now look what you've done!
Are you all right Sandy?
-Well at least it's not broken.
-Oh, I feel terrible about this.
Well thank heaven anyway
it's his left arm.
He can still pitch.
-Knucklehead!
Sandy's a southpaw!
-Oh!
-Sandy I'll rub that arm
down with some alcohol
and then I'll put
the heat lamp on.
[phone ringing]
-Hello?
Oh, just a minute.
Otis it's that yacky mayor.
-I'm not in.
-Oh he'll only call back.
MAYOR (ON PHONE): You
bet your life I will.
-Take over.
I have to go to the bank.
-Hello Mr. Mayor.
I just came in.
-Otis, what's this
I hear about you
insulting Sandy Koufax by
not even knowing who he was?
-Well Mr. Mayor, you see--
-You're darn tooting, I see.
I see I picked the
wrong man for the job.
-But Mr. Mayor.
-A famous personality comes
to visit our fair city
and-- and you insult him.
-I can explain if you'll
only listen to me.
-Quigley, I didn't get where
I am today by listening.
I should've known better
than to entrust you
with an important
civic responsibility.
And you can forget
about being chairman
of the welcoming committee.
I'll handle it myself.
-This is the blackest
day of my life.
-Hi Mr. Quigley.
-Hi Mr. Quigley.
-Hello Mitchell.
Well, Dennis I didn't
expect to see you
as long as Sandy
Koufax was in town.
-Dennis told me about that.
That's why we're
here to talk to you.
-Yes.
We missed you at
baseball practice.
-That's hard to believe Dennis.
Obviously with Koufax
here you don't need me.
-We do too need you Mr. Quigley.
Sandy's only going to
be here a few days.
Come out this afternoon,
will you please?
-Well--
-Dennis, why don't you run
on out to baseball practice
and let me talk to Mr. Quigley.
-OK.
But make him come, will you dad?
Even Sandy Koufax says
we've got to have a coach.
And if Mr. Quigley
doesn't show up
he'll send over
his aunt Harriet.
-His aunt?
Of all the nerve.
-Well after all Mr. Quigley, the
boys did elect you their coach.
I think you're
letting them down.
-I'm letting them down?
You didn't see them ignore me
to crowd around Sandy Koufax.
-Come on, Mr. Quigley.
How about it?
After all, Sandy'll only
be here for a short time
and then who's going
to coach the boys?
-Well, I'll have
to think it over.
-His aunt Harriet?
-I thought it over.
Let's go.
-Now, Dennis this
is the way you hold
the ball when you
throw a slider.
-Boy, I sure do
want to learn that.
-By the way Dennis, what
happened to Mr. Quigley?
I thought you were going to
bring him back with you today.
-Well, he says as long as we've
got you we don't need him.
-For once he's right.
-Watch it now, Rodney.
That's not nice.
Besides, you know I'm going
to leave in a few days.
-I feel like a fifth wheel
around here Mitchell.
-Nonsense, you're the main cog.
And I don't think you ought
to put off talking to Koufax.
-Oh, I don't want
to disturb him now.
I better wait til he's alone.
-Hi Mr. Quigley!
Boy, I'm glad you
decided to come.
You're just in time to help
us with batting practice.
-No, for the time being Dennis
I'm here merely as an observer.
-All right you guys, let's
sharpen up our batting eyes.
-Well burn my toast.
Is she taking over?
-Don't let her Mr. Quigley.
We don't want a woman
coaching us how to bat.
-I should say not.
-You'll get better
results son if you
choke your bat a little more.
-If you don't mind,
I'm the coach here.
-Is that so?
-Yes, that's so.
The trouble with you
Albert is that you're
choking the bat too much.
Hold it here and then
you'll get some real power
into your swing.
-Atta boy Mr. Quigley.
You show him.
-How about it Sandy?
You ready?
-OK Tommy.
Promised the boys
I'd pitch a few.
-I told them I'd umpire.
-Now look out.
You've got to get the bat
up high, up high like this.
Then you can get some
power when you swing.
Now look.
You fellas get over there
behind the backstop.
I'll show you what I mean.
If someone will
just throw me one.
-He will.
-Oh my gosh.
Dennis, you take this.
I don't feel like
swinging a bat today.
-Oh go on Mr. Quigley.
Hit a few.
-Well I-- I-- I--
-How can he show
anybody how to bat
when he falls apart
just standing there.
-Yeah he's supposed
to be our coach
and he's afraid to
bad against Sandy.
-He is not afraid.
Are you Mr. Quigley?
-No but, uh-- You can
k*ll me with that ball.
-Sandy, is there
do to make him look
good out there?
He's having a rough
time with the kids.
-Well he closes his eyes
every time he swings.
Maybe I can hit his bat.
I missed it.
-Poor guy, he's nervous.
The mayor asked
him to talk to you
about getting the Dodgers out
here for an exhibition game
and offered him the chairmanship
of the welcoming committee.
-Well, I'll try it again.
[cheering]
-Wow.
-Wow, that's a home run
in anybody's league!
-Boy, you were
great Mr. Quigley.
-Imagine getting a home
run off Sandy Koufax.
And I saw it coach.
-Oh it wasn't anything, really.
-Mr. Koufax!
I'm the mayor of our little
city and I want to welcome you.
-Well thank you sir.
-At the same time I want to
apologize for the miserable
treatment you received at the
hands of uh-- Quigley here.
-What do you mean mayor?
Mr. Quigley and I are friends.
-Oh-- oh you are?
-He just hit a
home run off of me.
One of the longest
I've ever seen.
-Oh, well I must have
been misinformed.
-Well that's not unusual.
-Mr. Koufax, the reason I'm
here is to ask you a favor.
Do you suppose you could get the
Dodgers to play an exhibition
game in our town next spring?
Well I think it's a
great idea and I'll
recommended it on one condition.
-Oh of course, of
course, what is it?
-That my good
friend, Mr. Quigley,
be made chairman of the
welcoming committee.
He's a real baseball
fan and he's
doing a great job
with these kids.
-Why sure thing, Mr. Koufax.
Otis, the whole kit and
kaboodle is in your hands.
-Oh really?
Thank you Mr. Mayor.
And Sandy, I want to apologize
for balling you out yesterday,
not to mention almost
knocking you out with the bat.
-Forget it, coach.
After being balled
out by Walter Alston
you sounded almost friendly.
Put her there.
-You bet I will.
-Boy, that's great.
Well, OK you guys.
Let's hear it for coach Quigley.
-(CHANTING) Two, four, six,
eight, who do we appreciate?
Coach Quigley, yay!
[theme music]
ANNOUNCER: This has been a
screen gems film production
from the Hollywood studios
of Columbia Pictures.