03x15 - Calling All Bird Lovers

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Dennis the Menace". Aired: October 4, 1959 – July 7, 1963.*
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Follows the Mitchell family – Henry, Alice, and their only child, Dennis, an energetic, trouble-prone, mischievous, but well-meaning boy, who often tangles first with his peace-and-quiet-loving neighbor, George Wilson, a retired salesman, and later with George's brother John, a writer.
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03x15 - Calling All Bird Lovers

Post by bunniefuu »

-I finished raking the

garden, Mr. Wilson.

Can I have my quarter now?

-No.

Not now, Dennis.

I have to take a picture

of a very rare bird

never before photographed.

-Can I watch?

I gotta make a report

to my science club,

and this would be great.

-Well, all right.

But you have to be very quiet.

See.

There he is right up there.

Isn't he a beauty?

-Yeah.

-Keep very quiet.

We'll get closer.

-Achoo!

-Oh no.

Oh, Dennis.

Now I'll never find that bird.

Oh, good grief.

[theme music]

-Oh, Martha, the

living room looks

just fine for the reception.

-I'm sure lots of

people will come.

-Well, I'm not

worried about that.

It's Hester Hutton.

You know, Mr. Pindyck is

coming to hear her bird calls.

I just hope she doesn't

throw a fit of temperament.

-I'm sure she won't, dear.

What's that?

-Oh.

These are the leftover signs.

I put about a dozen

of them around town.

-Remember the bird,

that's good, George.

-Oh, you like that?

-Yes.

-That was my little

contribution.

-Look what I'm making.

It's a stuffed surprise.

A pineapple stuffed with cottage

cheese and pineapple chunks.

-Oh.

Well, that looks very

tasty, Martha, my dear.

Very ta-- oh, it is tasty, too.

-And look.

Look what I found.

Won't this be the

perfect centerpiece

for the buffet table?

-Oh, Martha.

What are you

thinking of, my dear?

That's a stuffed owl.

-Well, Mr. Pindyck is head of

the State Bird Lovers Society,

isn't he?

-Yes.

Of course, he is, my dear.

But he was-- he was elected on

a no stuffing of birds platform.

-It's so lifelike.

-Well, believe me.

Mr. Pindyck would know.

If he ever saw that

thing, why, he'd

never appoint me

as state delegate

to the National Bird

Lovers Convention.

Never.

Ah.

Well, I'll just go put

these things away and-- oh.

Oh, Martha.

Come here quick.

Look.

Look.

Look Look quick.

Look.

Look out there.

Look.

-Isn't that sweet,

Dennis feeding a bird?

-Oh, Martha.

That's not just a bird.

That's the pumice billed thrush.

I'm going to get

a picture of it.

Got it.

-You scared it away, Mr. Wilson.

-Oh, that's all right, Dennis.

I got an excellent picture

of it thanks to you.

I want to thank you

very much, Dennis.

-You're welcome, Mr. Wilson.

If that roll's finished, my

dad will develop it for ya.

-Oh yes.

The new darkroom.

Dennis, do you suppose

your father could

have a print of this for the

reception this afternoon?

-Sure.

My dad's really good.

-You're wanted on

the telephone, dear.

It's about the bird

music for this afternoon.

-Oh, that's right.

The old hen is going

to perform, isn't she?

-George, she's not that old.

-No.

She's if she's a day,

but I don't care about that.

I just hope she does those bird

calls without laying an egg.

-Well, you better

see what she wants.

-All right.

Hold the phone, Martha.

Now, Dennis, you

tell your father

that I'd love a print of that

last picture for the reception.

-OK, Mr. Wilson.

I'll tell him it's a rare bird.

-Hey, Dennis!

Wanna hear the Indian Ocean?

-I'm in a hurry, Tommy.

-It's a seashell for

my science club report,

and it's not just any old sea.

It's the Indian Ocean.

-Sounds just like any

plain old ocean to me.

Wait till you see what

I got for my report,

a picture of a bird

nobody's ever seen.

-Wowee.

I wish I had something

as good as that.

-I know something

almost as good,

if we could only

get to hear her.

-What is it?

-A year old hen

that does bird calls.

-Wow.

-But we'd have to

ask Mr. Wilson.

-Let's go ask him.

-OK.

But first I gotta

take this in to dad.

-Oh, Martha, I should never

have written Mr. Pindyck

that she was going to perform.

-Hester Hutton hasn't

backed out, dear.

It's just that she gets nervous.

She called and said

she's on her way over.

She wants to see if the

atmosphere of our living room

is right.

-Atmosphere.

Ha.

She's a temperamental

prima donna.

-Now, dear, she's famous

for her bird calls.

Mr. Pindyck's coming

just to hear her.

-Well, I hope we

can depend upon her.

She's always changing her mind.

-Maybe if she knew

she was really wanted.

You know, a little flattery

goes a long way, dear.

[doorbell]

-There she is now.

Miss Hutton, come in.

-Mrs. Hutton, if you please.

There is a Mr. Hester Hutton.

-Of course.

-Mrs. Hutton, may I say I have

never seen you look so well,

so radiant before.

Why, if I were a bird,

I'd-- well, I'd call.

-If you were a bird, Mr.

Wilson, and managed a call,

a stony silence would follow.

[laughs]

-Well, fortunately I'm

not a bird, eh, Martha?

-Yes, dear.

It's much better this way.

-I'm afraid this

room just won't do.

Something isn't quite right.

-I suppose it was just

too much to hope for,

to hear again the voice that

made George a bird lover.

-Huh?

-My voice made you a

bird lover, Mr. Wilson?

-It was a few years

ago when you were

doing your bird

calls in the stadium.

We were in the last row.

Weren't we, George?

-Oh, of course.

The-- the-- oh.

Yes.

You see, before

then, Mrs. Hutton,

I'd strictly been a cat man.

But hearing you that night

changed my entire life.

-I had that effect

on you, Mr. Wilson?

-Oh.

Mrs. Hutton, when I went home

that night and put out the cat,

believe me, I meant it.

-I think I can do my bird

music in this room after all.

-Oh, Mrs. Hutton.

You made me the happiest

man in the world.

-I feel the same way.

-Yes.

It will do.

Now I must fly.

-Ah.

-This is my morning to visit

patients at the bird hospital.

-Oh.

Going to see our little

fine-feathered friends, eh?

Then I'll see you to

your car, Mrs. Hutton.

-You think Mr. Wilson will let

us come to his bird meeting

today?

There he is now.

Let's ask him.

-Mrs. Hutton, I can't tell

you how thrilled I am.

-I gave dad your film

to develop, Mr. Wilson.

-Oh, that's fine, Dennis.

Thank you.

-Mr. Wilson, can me

and Tommy come over

and hear that old hen do

bird calls this afternoon?

-Shh.

Dennis.

-Old hen?

-One that's and may even

lay an egg at the same time.

-Tommy.

-Mr. Wilson.

-You said you had

an old hen that

was going to do bird

calls, Mr. Wilson.

-Dennis, where are your manners?

You don't call anybody an old

hen, especially to her face.

Mrs. Hutton.

But Mrs. Hutton, they're

just kids, just crazy kids.

-I hope your memory is good,

Mr. Wilson, because that

is the only place you'll

hear any of my bird music

from now on.

-Ah, Mrs. Hutton.

Oh.

Now you've done it.

You've offended Mrs. Hutton

and ruined my reception.

-Jeepers, Mr. Wilson.

Was that that--

-The old hen.

Yes.

Oh, Dennis.

-Tommy and me thought

you meant a real hen.

-A chicken hen,

one that cackles.

[cackling]

-Well, I didn't.

When you called her an old hen,

you really cooked my goose.

[clears throat]

-Mr. Wilson.

Mr. Wilson?

-Oh!

Oh, Mitchell.

Oh, yes, the picture

of the rare bird.

I forgot all about it.

That'll take Pindyck's

mind off Hester Hutton.

Do you have it developed?

-Ah, Mr. Wilson, I have

a confession to make.

-Oh, Mitchell.

Nothing's happened?

-Well, you see, it

was very fast film.

And I had to work

completely in the dark.

And, well, there was

this pan on one side

and a pan on the other side--

-All right.

Spare me the details.

Well, this is just not a

day for birds, I guess.

-I want to make it up

to you, Mr. Wilson.

So I'm going down

to see Miss Hutton

and see if I can't

change her mind.

-Do you know her, Mitchell?

-Well, she's a

client of our firm's.

And I thought maybe

I could persuade her.

-Oh, my boy.

If you can swing this, I'll

forget all about the photo.

-I'll do my best.

-Well, I certainly hope so.

Say, maybe I can still be state

delegate to the National Bird

Lovers Convention after all.

[doorbell]

-Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

Is Mr. Wilson home?

We came to apologize.

-Well, he-- he's not

feeling very well, Dennis.

-We want to make it

right, if we can.

-I think you better come

back later to apologize.

Oh!

Do you boys want to do something

real nice for Mr. Wilson?

-Uh-huh!

-Sure we do!

-Then why don't you

take one of his signs

down to the record

shop on Main Street.

They can put it in the window.

-OK, Mrs. Wilson.

Anything for Mr. Wilson.

Where is it?

-In the hall closet.

-I'll get it.

-Thank you, boys.

-Well, what do we

do now, Dennis?

-I guess we better go back

and talk to Mrs. Wilson

and see if there's

anything else we

can do to help uncook

Mr. Wilson's goose.

-Hey, man.

Dig that.

New records of The Bird.

-Say, we gotta

hear this, Nelson.

Nobody's ever blown a horn like

Horace Bird Wilton, not even

me.

And, man, I tried.

-Hey, look at that.

Special Bird Society meeting.

How about that?

The Bird is gone

but not forgotten.

-Remember the bird, I like that.

-This is one jam session

we are not gonna miss.

Maybe this two-week stay

in this one-horse town

won't be so bad after all, eh?

-Excuse me.

Hey.

Oh.

Here's your tea, Mr. Pindyck.

-Thank you.

-Oh.

This is really a

pleasure, Mr. Pindyck.

-Well, there's

always fair weather

when bird lovers get

together, eh, Wilson?

-Very well put, Mr. Pindyck.

Not only a bird lover.

A phrase maker, too.

-Thank you, Wilson.

-Would you like some

lemon in your tea?

-Yes.

Thank you.

I would.

-Oh, allow me.

-Thank you.

-Ah!

-Oh, I'm terribly

sorry, Mr. Pindyck.

I--

[doorbell]

-Oh, excuse me a

moment, Mr. Pindyck.

-Oh, Miss Creeper come in.

Mr. Pindyck?

You remember Miss

Creeper, of course.

-Of course I do.

-May I take your wrap?

-Oh, thank you.

My dear, Mr. Pindyck.

You must tell me your most

recent bird adventure.

-Wilson.

Here are Miss Creeper's gloves.

-Oh.

Thank you, Mr. Pindyck.

-What is this thing

doing here anyway?

I told you Pindyck's

motto-- better

stuffed shirts

than stuffed birds.

-Oh dear.

Dennis must have

left it there when

he was getting the

signs out of the closet.

-Well, Martha, my dear.

In the future you

just be more careful.

Heavens.

There.

-Well, this is the street,

and that's the number.

-This must be the pad.

-Shall we amble in?

-I'm with you, Nelson.

-Bird sure would be happy

they got a society for him.

-I'm not so sure,

though, that he'd

like a meeting this

early in the day.

[doorbell]

-This the Bird

Lovers session, dad?

-Well, I guess it is.

You're a bird lover?

-Anybody who says one word

against Bird answers to us.

-There's nothing like

dedicated bird lovers.

Just go right in.

-Thanks, chick.

-Hey, I don't see Max or Ernie.

They said they'd here.

-It's early, man.

Give them time.

-These are Bird lovers?

-Hmm.

Say, daddy, nobody

looks like much just

standing around talking.

-Excuse me.

-Yes.

Welcome, bird lovers.

-Lady, we're so glad there's

finally a Bird Lovers Society.

-Say, lady, we've loved

the Bird for years,

only we didn't know

there were so many of us.

[laughs]

-Pickle?

-Thank you.

[doorbell]

-Oh.

Excuse me.

-Henry just phoned, and

he thinks he's done it.

-You mean Hester

Hutton's coming?

-As soon as she finishes

feeding all her birds.

-Oh, thank you so much, Alice.

Oh, that's wonderful.

[doorbell]

-Here you are, Mrs. Wilson.

-Oh, thank you, boys.

-Is there anything

else we can do to help?

-Oh, I don't know.

I'm just so busy.

Um.

I know.

You can get that

stuffed surprise out

of the refrigerator

for me and put it

in the center of

this tray, and then

put some of these

little crackers

all around the edge

like good boys.

-OK, Mrs. Wilson.

-This is the only

stuffed thing I see.

-What about that?

-That's only an old pineapple.

Not in your mouth.

On the tray.

-Now, tell us, Mr. Pindyck.

After all, you do get

around the country

so much more than any

of the rest of us.

Now, tell us.

What bird music have

you heard recently

that was really exciting?

-Yes.

Well, of course, I do

travel rather extensively,

and I hear melody after melody.

Bird music, I mean.

-Say, what else is worth

listening to, huh, daddy-o?

-Exactly right.

However, it may

interest you to know

that the most exciting thing

that's happened to me in years

occurred just the other day

right outside my own house.

-How about that, everybody?

Right outside his own house.

-It was old king thrush himself

on the top branch of the tree

right outside my window.

-Oh no.

I don't believe it.

-On the top branch?

-Of a tree?

-Grabbing the limb firmly with

both feet and singing away.

-Both feet?

-Man, I don't know what

that cat was taking.

But I'd sure like to have some.

-We don't joke about

old king thrush.

-Most certainly not.

-Well, of course not.

I mean, everybody's

got his problems.

Right?

And if Old King Thrush has got

the problems I think he has,

then he needs our help.

Right, Winthrop?

-Right, Nelson.

I know a very good rest

home for that sort of thing.

-Rest home?

Old king thrush is healthier

than you or I, young man.

-Man, I may not be healthy.

But I'm not up in any

treetop grabbing a branch

with both feet.

-Sir, are you deliberately

trying to bait me?

-Don't raise your

voice to me, Clyde.

-What kind of a reception

is this, Wilson?

What are you trying to do here?

-Now, Mr. Pindyck, I can

assure you that I don't--

[gasp]

-Where should we put

this, Mr. Wilson?

We're helping.

-This is too much, Wilson.

A stuffed owl.

Of all the insults.

I-- this is outrageous.

-Get that thing out

of here at once.

Shame on you.

-I'm getting out of

this place, Wilson.

And let me tell you this.

You will never be a

delegate to any convention

if I have anything

to say about it.

-Mr. Pindyck, there's

been a mistake.

Those boys were just

trying to honor you.

-No.

I--

-Oh, Miss Hutton.

-Mrs. Hutton, if you please.

-Mrs. Hutton.

-Mr. Pindyck.

-You're here, the voice

I've been waiting for.

-Oh, Mitchell,

you saved my life.

-I paid a price, Mr. Wilson.

I had to promise I'd take

portraits of all her birds,

all of them.

-Oh good heavens.

-I'm going to run

along and join Alice.

Now I hope it all goes well.

-Yes.

Thanks again, Mitchell.

-It's a real pleasure.

-Glad to be here.

-All right.

Now, attention, everybody.

Sit down, please.

In just a moment we

will hear Hester Hutton,

one of the foremost renderers

of bird music in the country.

And now, dear lady,

if the mood is right.

-Oh, yes.

I'm quite ready.

I'll stand here.

-That's right.

-The merry first

number I should like

to recreate, that moment

when the first robin appears.

-That's a song?

-Sure.

When the red, red robbin

goes bob, bob, bobbing along.

[tweeting]

-How far out can you get?

-Something new, all right, man.

That's the craziest new jazz

development in years.

-Yeah?

How come?

-She's eliminated the

melody completely.

[tweeting]

-How we gonna tell the

science club all about this?

-I'm sure glad I didn't

throw away the Indian Ocean.

-Hey, look.

It's that rare

bird Mr. Wilson was

trying to take a picture of.

Here, birdie.

[tweeting]

-Lady, you are

definitely off the path.

What you need is a little help

to get into orbit, like this.

-Man, now we're really

gonna remember The Bird.

[tweeting]

[horn playing]

-You dig it?

[horn playing]

[music]

-What are you

running here, Wilson?

You want to be a delegate.

You can't even bring

off a reception.

-Mr. Pindyck, this

is all a surprise.

-You can just forget

about being a delegate.

-Oh, Mr. Pindyck!

-I have been insulted in

my lifetime, Mr. Wilson.

But nobody before ever

went to such lengths.

-Oh, Mrs. Hutton!

Mr. Pindyck!

Ah.

Hey.

Ohh, good grief.

-You wait here.

I'll run home and get my camera.

Don't move.

[door slams]

-Hey, that-- that-- that's

a pumice billed thrush.

Don't-- don't move that.

Don't move that.

That's a very rare bird.

Wait.

One more.

This is an important

day for science, my boy.

Tell me, did Wilson know about

that bird being around here?

-Sure.

He was trying to take a picture

of it for you this morning.

-He was going to take

the picture for me?

-Mr. Pindyck, I never saw

those people before in my life.

-Wilson, do you know

what I have in here?

The very first photograph

of a pumice billed thrush.

-Really?

Wonderful.

-And I took it with the help

of this splendid young man.

Wilson, in all my

years as a bird lover,

this is my first first.

-Well, I'm just glad

I was able to help you

with your first first.

And on my lawn.

-Wilson, I think

I've misjudged you.

I want you to be state delegate

at the convention after all.

-Why, Mr. Pindyck.

-On one condition.

-Why, of course.

Anything you say, sir.

-That this amazing young

man comes along with you

as alternate delegate.

-What?

-You know, Wilson, a lot

of people like birds.

But not very many

birds like people back.

He has a way with them.

-You mean Dennis comes, too?

-I'll book a double room

for you at the hotel.

-Boy, what a science club

report this will make.

-Seven days and seven

nights with Dennis.

Great Scott.

[music]
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