[RIK HOWARD & BOB WIRTH'S
"TOGETHER" PLAYING]
♪ Here we are, face to face ♪
♪ A couple of silver spoons ♪
♪ Hopin' to find
We're two of a kind ♪
♪ Making a go
Making it grow ♪
♪ Together ♪
♪ We're gonna find our way ♪
♪ Together ♪
♪ Taking the time each day ♪
♪ To learn all about
Those things ♪
♪ You just can't buy ♪
♪ Two silver spoons together ♪
♪ You and I together ♪
♪ We're gonna find our way ♪
♪ You and I together ♪
♪ We're gonna find our way ♪
♪ You and I together ♪
I hate biology.
They're always showing
pictures of people
with their skins off.
If you think that's bad,
take a look
at this heart in a jar.
Yuck!
It says here
this is an example
of cardiovascular disease.
It says this disease
is easy to prevent
if you watch your weight,
don't smoke and exercise.
My uncle Dexter
does those things.
My dad does too,
except he hates exercise.
He's got this theory:
the less you use your body,
the longer it's gonna last.
Put it down.
Put it down. Put it down.
Oh.
I thought you wanted
this upstairs.
I did,
but, you know, I think
it looks perfect right there.
Need any help?
Well, now that you mention it--
There's nothing to it.
Shall we?
How come you always
give me the heavy end?
[GROANS]
Do you see what I mean?
Dexter was hardly breathing.
My dad was puffing away
like a steam engine.
Don't judge anybody
by my uncle. He's a fanatic.
He's training for
the Race with Eagles.
Race with Eagles?
What's that?
Next month,
they're having a race
up the steps of the Empire
State Building, stories.
Why?
To raise money.
It's to preserve eagles.
And k*ll people?
I hope not.
He's making me run with him.
The two of you
are running together?
Hey, wait a minute.
Maybe I can get my dad
to exercise that way.
RICKY:
Dad...
you love birds, don't you?
Yeah.
Except right after
I've had my car washed.
Wouldn't you hate
to see the bald eagle
go the way of the hula hoop?
You mean hanging in our garage?
Dad.
Sorry.
I'm as concerned about our
national emblem as the next guy.
Good. I want you to raise money
for the bald eagle
by running up the stairs
of the Empire State Building.
Couldn't I just
send 'em a check?
It's not the same thing.
Here's a chance to do something
patriotic for your country
and something for yourself
at the same time.
You mean k*ll two birds
with one stone, huh?
[LAUGHS]
k*ll two...
[CLEARS THROAT]
What's in this deal for me?
Well, you'll get in shape.
I'm in shape.
Can you do this?
The race isn't for a month.
I'll help you get in shape.
I know stuff about training
from soccer.
Well, son, see, the thing is,
a man reaches a certain age
where trying to get
his body in shape...
is pretentious.
We can run
this race together.
Dexter and Alfonso will be
in it. What do you say?
I'll tell you what,
I'll think it over,
and I'll get back to you.
That always means no.
Well, in this case
it means maybe.
I do care about wildlife.
It's not wildlife
I'm worried about.
It's your life.
Know what Rick wants me to do?
Enter a race
up the Empire State Building.
The inside or the outside?
Where do kids come up with
these crazy ideas?
Yeah, crazy.
It's funny how kids think
their fathers are so fantastic
that they can do anything.
What, you don't think
I can do it?
I used to be
a competitive skier.
Big deal. That was downhill.
[LAUGHS]
I think what Uncle Harry
is trying to say
is you haven't skied
competitively for a long time.
It hasn't been a long time.
It's only been...
years.
Hon, you can't run
a race like that on a whim.
Every day I read about some
middle-aged man overdoing it,
and, well, you know...
Croakin'.
I don't think I'm quite ready
for the trash heap yet.
There's a few good years
left in me.
Mm-hm, that's what they all say.
Right before
they clutch their chests
and nosedive
into their linguini.
That could ruin my dinner.
If it did happen,
would you get married again?
Before they could scrape
the clam sauce off your face.
And if you want to prevent that
from happening,
stay out of the race.
Dad, you're gonna
enter the race?
I might.
Oh!
You're not serious
about this, are you?
Sure, I am.
There's some spring left
in the old legs, huh? Ha-ha!
After spring comes the fall.
I'm gonna do it.
Great!
[CHUCKLES]
Well, at least
get a checkup first.
Okay, I'll go
to the medical center tomorrow.
When you get there,
do yourself a favor.
What?
Take the elevator.
[BOTH PANTING]
That was terrific.
Don't you feel great?
No.
All we've got left to do
is the stairs.
Oh, yeah, the stairs.
My favorite part.
Come on.
Okay!
I can't believe
I'm gonna race
up of these.
It'll be fun, Dad!
No, it won't, Rick.
Come on.
[GROANS]
Ready?
Okay.
Go.
Okay.
Okay, that's enough.
Uh-uh-uh, you still have to go
through the proper
cool-down exercises.
Right.
Yeah.
This is
my cool-down exercise.
Now, come on.
If you're gonna do this,
you're gonna do it right.
He's all yours, coach.
Oh, no.
Not the Terminator!
Oh.
Here you go.
Okay. Now...
just watch me.
Mm-hm.
Okay.
Are you watching?
I may be tired,
but I'm not dead.
And then, over
with a flat back,
all the way down, and hang.
Won't do any good
if you bend your knees.
Do you mind?
Well, you're just
cheating yourself.
You're doing fine.
You deserve a reward.
I'll get you some orange juice
and desiccated
liver powder.
Be still, my stomach.
Did I ever tell you
about One-Punch Murphy?
He had to fight
for the middleweight
championship of the Army
against a guy
years younger.
He was an underdog
just like you are.
And this story
has a point, right?
One-Punch worked out
day and night
just like you're doing.
I hope this has a happy ending.
No one thought he had a chance.
Two thousand people
in the stands
just waiting to see him fail.
And you know what happened?
What?
He got coldcocked
with the very first punch.
And that's how
he got his name,
One-Punch Murphy.
Thanks for
the pep talk, Harry.
Hey, you know something?
I feel pretty good.
Huh? My head is clear.
My lungs are strong.
Ha! I feel great!
Here's to
the Race with Eagles.
Forty-eight hours to blastoff.
Uh-oh.
What? What?
What are you looking at?
My neck is stuck.
Stuck neck?
Nothing to it.
I'll use
the Lowenstein maneuver.
[GROANING]
Harry, don't!
[NECK CRACKS]
Oh, that's much better.
Uh, are you all right?
No, honey, I can't move.
Would you call the doctor?
Oh, yeah.
Harry, what did you do to him?
Well, don't blame me.
Blame Lowenstein.
I came over as soon as I heard.
How is he?
The doctor said
it could be a lot worse.
But he'll be all right,
won't he?
[EDWARD GROANS LOUDLY]
[WINCES]
It's been like that
all morning.
[EDWARD GROANING, GRUNTING]
What are you doing?
Leg lifts. Ugh!
Wait a minute.
Ninety-nine... Ugh!
Ugh! One hundred.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Are you insane?
Isn't it bad enough
you've got...?
What have you got?
There's absolutely
nothing the matter with me.
Ugh.
Of course there isn't.
You'll just be the only runner
who uses handicapped parking.
All I had
was a slight muscle spasm.
Doctor gave me a sh*t and told
me to wear this for a day.
This thing will be gone
by race time, which is...
hours away.
[GRUNTING]
Listen, I'm gonna leave you
to this insanity.
Here. I bought you
a Merlin Olsen
"tough guy" bouquet.
Tough guy bouquet?
I'll put it
in some hard water.
Well, there's a lot to be said
for your perseverance,
but I'll be polite
and keep my mouth shut.
[LAUGHS]
I'll see you on
the observation deck.
Well, did you talk
any sense into him?
I tried, but that neck brace
seems to have cut off
all circulation to his brain.
He's non compos mentis.
What's that?
Wacko!
[EDWARD GRUNTING]
Ooh!
Can we talk?
Sure. Ooh!
Can we talk
with you standing still?
Oh, can't stop now.
What's on your mind?
I'm asking you, as your son,
don't go through with this race.
And I'm telling you,
as your father,
butt out.
Now if you'll excuse me,
I have stair work to do.
I know why
you're doing this.
It's because Harry
called you a wimp, isn't it?
No, of course not.
He called me a wimp?
Well, I hope
you're not doing this for me.
I'm not.
Oh.
I'm doing it for myself.
Yourself?
What kind of reason is that?
It's personal.
Oh, sure!
If I wanna get my ear pierced,
then we can talk.
But you can run around
this house like a maniac,
and in a neck brace,
then it's top secret.
Sit down, son.
[GRUNTS SOFTLY]
Never mind, son. Stand up.
I've never told anybody this
before in my life.
Then it really is a secret?
When I was at
Aspen Junior College,
I was on the ski team.
That's all?
No, there's more.
[SIGHS]
Our last meet of the season
was with our archrivals,
Boulder School
of Broadcasting.
It was down a ski run
they called
the Dreaded Kamikaze Cliff.
That sounds rough.
Thanks. And see...
a few days before the meet,
I was gargling,
and my neck got stuck.
Oh, you've had this
neck thing before, then?
That's right. I told
the coach I couldn't race.
Of course you couldn't.
You had a bum neck.
No, Rick.
The problem wasn't here.
The problem was here.
What was the matter?
All these years,
I've wondered
if I didn't just chicken out.
Dad, you'd never do that.
I don't know.
I think I was afraid
I couldn't handle that mountain.
Then don't think about it.
Can't help it.
I think about it
every time I gargle.
So this is like
a second chance for you.
You want to Race with Eagles
to prove you're not a chicken.
That's right.
And this time,
I'm gonna make it.
Go get 'em, Dad.
[GROANS]
Do you really think
it's a midlife crisis?
Classic case.
It could be worse.
He could be out there
chasing floozies.
Floozies?
You know, bimbos.
Great news!
He's dropping out?
Nope, he's gonna race!
Hot dog! The bets are on.
What bets?
Oh, I've just been
making a few friendly wagers
with the gardener
and the pool man,
folks like that, you know.
Oh, I can't believe
they would bet against Edward.
They aren't.
You're betting he won't win?
No.
I'm betting he won't make it
to the th floor.
If Edward goes in that race,
he'll make it to the top.
You're talking
out of love and loyalty.
If you weren't my favorite
niece, I'd take your money.
I'll bet you $ .
Nope.
It's against
my ethics and principles.
A hundred.
You're on.
[CAR HORNS HONKING]
Did you see how tall
this building is?
And it's all straight up.
Big building.
The bigger they are,
the harder they fall, right?
Edward, I wanna
tell you something
that Vince Lombardi
once said to me:
"There's no shame in quitting."
Harry, why don't we go
to the gift shop?
I'll buy you
a tiny Empire State Building
with a teeny gorilla on it.
I'd rather have Fay Wray.
Good luck.
Well, let's finish limbering up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[GROANS]
Excuse me.
Edward, there you are.
Hey, hi!
Dexter, what's with the hat?
I'll save a lot of time
on water breaks with this baby.
I'm gonna pretend
I'm with someone else.
Okay, let's go, folks.
Last call
for runners to line up.
Last call?
I never heard any first call.
Hey, do I tell you
what shorts to wear?
Okay, quick review
of the official rules.
Number one,
first one to the top wins.
Number two,
there's no gum allowed.
Okay, Dad, now let's start out
easy and then pick up the pace.
Pace. Pace, that's the key.
Uh...go!
[JOHN PARR'S
"ST. ELMO'S FIRE" PLAYING]
RICKY:
Dad, stop!
Stop!
Dad, you've gotta slow down.
Why? Hey, I'm doing great!
I could be on the verge
of a brand-new career!
Dad, you're just pumped up
from excitement, that's all.
You can't keep this up
for more floors.
Oh, yeah? Just watch me!
Last one up is a rotten eagle!
You'll be fine.
You just need to get
your second wind, that's all.
I used up my second wind...
going from that step
to this step.
Don't feel badly!
You did great for a beginner!
Isn't this stupid?
They're dead meat.
["ST. ELMO'S FIRE"
RESUMES PLAYING]
Thank you, mister.
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
Here's a step.
And another step.
Hey, look at this, a step!
Oh, Edward, this has
gone far enough.
Look, you're one step away
from falling over.
Sure, wimp out now.
Why couldn't you fall out
two stories back
so I could've made
some real dough?
What, is the air too thin
up here to do jokes?
Edward, let's go home.
No. If we hurry,
we can still catch up.
DEXTER:
Edward, where are you?
The race is over.
It's over?
It can't be.
Dexter, you won?
Uh, no.
Well, what's the trophy for?
Best costume.
Too bad you missed the buffet.
It was great.
But the speeches
went on forever.
Dad, we can go home now.
No.
I'm gonna finish.
Edward,
you don't have to finish.
Sixty-one floors is
enough for anyone.
On most buildings,
you'd be on the roof now.
Listen to them, Dad.
It's time to quit.
No.
Rick...
with or without you,
I am gonna finish.
This is not gonna be...
another Boulder School
of Broadcasting.
Oh, no.
He's hallucinating.
No, he's not. Come on, Dad.
Only more flights to go.
Twenty-five more?
That's the spirit.
["ST. ELMO'S FIRE"
RESUMES PLAYING]
Do you think they'll
ever get here?
Okay, that's it, folks.
Party's over. I gotta close up.
Oh, please,
just more minutes.
Give me a break, lady.
I got tickets to La bohème.
[EDWARD WHEEZING LOUDLY]
There, you see that?
The cleaning crew's
starting to vacuum.
That's not a vacuum.
That's Edward.
OFFICIAL:
Well, what do you know?
You're almost there, Dad.
You're almost there.
Yay!
Come on, Edward!
Come on, you can do it!
You can do it!
Come on, Eddie!
Come on.
That's it, Edward.
That's it. Keep going.
Keep going.
Keep going, Dad.
Dumb luck, Edward.
That's what it is.
Dumb luck.
No, Uncle Harry,
what it is,
is bucks you owe me.
[PANTING]
I love you.
Hey, Rick.
Yeah?
I want you to be first
to cross the finish line.
Okay, Dad. Okay.
Why?
Because that way,
you can catch me.
[KATE CHEERS]
You did it, Edward! Whoo!
Can we go home now?
Uncle Harry, can you
let Edward have his moment?
He's waited years for this.
We've been here that long?
OFFICIAL:
Hey...
I almost forgot.
Here's your trophy.
What?
Trophy?
Yeah, for coming
in last place.
Booby prize,
the Broken Eagle.
DEXTER: Speech, Edward!
ALFONSO: Speech!
Speech. Speech!
Come on, Dad.
Speech.
DEXTER: Speech!
I want to thank...
Rick...
for standing by me.
And Kate...
for believing in me...
despite certain...
loudmouth skeptics.
This is the proudest moment...
of my life.
[ALL CHEERING]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
04x08 - Race with Eagles
Watch/Buy Amazon
Wealthy, young-at-heart business owner and playboy Edward Stratton III is stunned to discover his brief marriage several years ago produced a son, Richard who is now 12 and wanting to live with him.
Wealthy, young-at-heart business owner and playboy Edward Stratton III is stunned to discover his brief marriage several years ago produced a son, Richard who is now 12 and wanting to live with him.