02x01 - Skull and Double-Crossbones

[bunniefuu]

♪ [EERIE MUSIC]

[TYPING ON KEYS]

-Where on Earth is Carmen Sandiego?

♪ [DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ WHERE IS CARMEN SANDIEGO?

♪ CARMEN SANDIEGO

♪ WHERE ON EARTH CAN SHE BE?

♪ TELL ME WHERE IS CARMEN SANDIEGO? ♪

♪ CARMEN SANDIEGO

♪ WHERE ON EARTH CAN SHE BE?

♪ WHERE ON EARTH CAN SHE BE?

♪ OOOH

♪ SPHINX, MONA LISA...

♪ LEANING TOWER OF PISA...

♪ LONDON ZOO, TIMBUKTU

♪ CAN'T YOU HELP US FIND A CLUE ♪

♪ WHERE IS CARMEN SANDIEGO?

♪ CARMEN SANDIEGO

♪ WHERE ON EARTH CAN SHE BE?

♪ WHERE ON EARTH CAN SHE BE?

[THUNDER]

[GENTLE ECHOING LAUGHTER]

-Do you hear dat sound?

It is a fearful night, fatha.

Aw, you neva' hear nuttin' about Mary Read, boy?

The infamous woo-man pirate.

-Now she was a pirate like no other.

Dis is de anniversary of the very night

she was sentenced to det, right here in Fort Charles.

-Cursed for her evil, pirating ways.

Huh? [GASPS]

-De duppy a' Mary Read!

[LAUGHTER]

-It cannot be!

[BIRD WHISTLES] Awwwwk! Mary Read! Mary Read!

[WHISTLES] Mary Read!

[GASPS]

-I don't believe my eyes! Awwwwk!

[BIRD WHISTLES]

-Macaaa! Macaaa!

-With these cannons,

no one will dare stop us this time!

[HEARTY LAUGH]

[SIRENS WAIL]

-There's someone up on the turrets! Look out!

[LAUGHTER]

-What in the name of--

[LAUGHTER]

[LAUGHTER]

CARMEN: I'm not the only thief in the world, Player.

But I've got a hunch you're in on this somehow.

I'll figure it out.

-Greetings, Player. It's the Chief.

How 'ya doin'? How's it goin'? How's the family?

Okay, enough small talk. Pick a detective,

and make it snappy, pappy.

-Jasmine! Ooh yes! Jasmine is totally "irie,"

which means "cool" in Jamaican patois.

-Jamaica's a tropical island country known

for its miles of beautiful beaches...

the world-famous Reggae Sunsplash Festival...

and a colorful pirate history, mateys!

-Jamaica floats in the Caribbean Sea,

between North and South America.

-And even though the whole country

is smaller than our state of Connecticut

...it's population of two and a half million,

swells by about a million more...

...when tourists visit there every year!

-And you can see why they love it, mon!

-It's a totally "irie" place.

-Thirteen years on de force,

and I never seed anyting like dis.

-It was no duppy dat took deese cannons, sergeant.

-Real ghosts don't need carbon mono filament cables

to make it look like they're flying.

-Or leave pirate flags behind.

[WITH A CHUCKLE] We're lucky to have

an Acme detective like you on the case, Jasmine.

And I think your luck just tripled.

-I accept this Detective of the Year award...

...and I wanna thank all the "little people"

who made it possible.

-Oh paleeese! You didn't win yet, Zack.

-Hey, hey... you and Jasmine are good,

but face it, Ive, I'm good and good lookin'.

You're road pizza.

-Yeah... May the best man win.

-Humph! Ooh yeah!

-Hey! Easy, easy!

Geesh. Can't you take a joke?

-May the best man or woman win.

-Zack, Ivy!

-Good to see you!

-Jasmine! [IVY AND JASMINE LAUGH]

-Congratulations on your

Detective of the Year nomination.

-Same to you and Zack.

-Uh, hut, see, thing is, Jasmine,

the Zackmeister's takin' the statue home.

-I already got my speech worked out and--

-C'mon, Jasmine!

-Hey! Wait for me!

[LAUGHING] Zack, you'll forget all about dose awards

as soon as you hear about the

veeery strange case I am on.

...and all dere was a cannon floating into da sky.

-Hmm... Well, if it wasn't ghosts,

maybe it was something more down-to-earth,

like Carmen Sandiego.

-Player, bud, Info-Scan the missing antique cannons.

-Check it out, landluhhers.

CHIEF: About five hundred years ago,

everybody wanted cannons!

-Duck!

-You needed a cannon with everybody racing

to grab up lands in the New World.

-Christopher Columbus got to a lot of places first,

and claimed them for Spain.

-Eh, this is my land... And eh...

this is my land... and This is my land.

Go get your own land!

-Yo! Okay it's your land...

-It's a nice land... I'm-a gone!

-The other countries wanted a share

of the fabulous gold and silver Spain

was looting from the New World.

-So, they'd use cannons to att*ck

the Spanish ships heading for home.

-And that was the beginning of pirating in the New World!

-Hey!

How come this Jolly Roger has crossed swords...

...and that one has crossed bones?

-Lots of pirates had their own flags,

to make themselves known and to strike fear

in other ships.

-Har mateys!

That be the flag of pirate "Calico Jack" Rackham!

And among 'is crew there be two women pirates,

name of...

-And I bet they were a match for any man, Zack.

-Records say, they dressed like men.

And when they were finally captured,

they were defending the ship alone.

All the real men had run helow deck.

Sorry, Zack.

-Look! Something's sewn into this flag.

A pirate map!

-There's something written on it.

"From de crooked room go north.

The swan points down da street."

-What's a crooked room?

-It cou]d mean De Giddy House!

-Whew. Just Jooking at that place makes me dizzy.

[CHUCKLES] Dat's why it's called de Giddy House.

It sank crooked in a big earthquake

almost one hundred years ago.

-Okay! The next part says, "Go north.

The swan points down the street."

But... According to this map,

there's not much north of the Giddy House.

-There used to be, hack in Mary Read's day.

-De town of Port Royal was a big pirate hangout,

until a huge earthquake hit, and sunk

it in a terrible tsunami.

-Translata-scan. Translata-scan.

-Tsunami is a Japanese word that means "overflowing wave".

-Not that kind of wave!

The kind that are caused by underwater earthquakes.

Kind of like... Wow!

-Dey even say a boat was t'rown across two buildings

before the whole place sank into the harbor.

-If the sunken town of Port Royal is the right place,

what's "the swan that points down the street?"

-Whoa! Check it out! What do you wanna bet our swan

isn't a bird at all.

-But Her Majesty's Ship, the HMS Swan!

-Wow! There it is!

-Hmm... If this is the wreck of the HMS Swan,

it's pointing that way!

-Look at that.

Three hundred years of shipworms

have eaten the wood into Swiss cheese.

-But shipworms don't eat anything

that's buried in the silt.

-Look!

-Wow! What's she--...

-Look! Bottom feeders at two o'clock!

-Look out!

-C'mon, this way!

-They're divin' the twine for that coral reef!

-Whew! That was close.

-Let's go!

[GASPS]

-Whoa! Look at that!

-She's actually--... Wha--

[SCREAMS]

-Haul anchor and blow marlin spikes for high seas, men!

-Come on! Carmen's getting away!

-Carmen's the least of our worries!

-Look!

[SCREAMS]

-Oh man, we're sushi!

Head for that brush pile?

[THEY SCREAM]

-Woah...

[SCREAMS]

-Ah!

-Zack, Ivy! In here!

-Here he comes!

-Kiyya!

-What are you, nuts, Ivy?!!

-Sharks have sensitive noses,

and it's the best way to get rid of one.

-But they hardly ever att*ck humans.

-Yeah, well, thrashing around like we were,

we probably looked like injured fish.

One of their favorite meals.

And it looks like he's still waitin'

for the main course.

-If he wants thrashing, we'll give him thrashing.

-Hey, he's goin' for it.

-Now's our chance. Let's go!

[BREATHING HARD]

Quick thinking, Jasmine.

Maybe I've got some competition for

Detective of the Year, after all.

-From de looks of dis barge,

Carmen's long gone.

-Macaa! -HEY!

-Greatest pirate in history -- Caww!

[whistles] Macaa!

-Hey, easy little guy...

-No one's gonna-- Ahhh!

Caww! [whistles] Macaa!

-Hold it right there!

-Awwk! [WHISTLES] Macah!

-Hey, whatta--... ooof!

-Well, if it isn't the scourge of the seven seas,

Rip Shipoff.

-Blast it, 'ya young milk gaggers!

-What's Carmen doing with the cannons

and a pirate ship?

-She's pulling off a robbery,

the likes of which you'll never figure out,

'ya long-haired chum.

-Macaa... [WHISTLES] Macaa...

-Shut yer blabberin' gob, you.

You'll give Carmen away!

-Macaa! Awwk!

[WHISTLES] Greatest pirate in history!

Hey, that's a clue isn't it!

The way he can say "Caw! Greatest pirate in history!"

That's a clue, isn't it?

-Who's the greatest pirate in history?

-Player, info-scan search on Hawkins, Sir Francis Drake

-Whoa, Jasmine. Those guys were heroes.

-Depends where you stood, Zack.

When they weren't pirating for the Queen,

men like Hawkins and Drake imported my ancestors

from Africa to work

on the Canbbean plantations.

-Pirating for the Queen?

-Exactamundo, Zack.

-And when these pirates att*cked enemy ships,

they earned the name "Privateers."

-Because they shared the stolen loot

with Queen Elizabeth, who sent them out

on pirating missions, herself!

-Hawkins and Drake were famous pirates,

but they were no Mary Read and Anne Bonny.

Carmen's interest so far has been women pirates.

Chief?

-Okay!

Back in Eighteen-oh-nine Madame Ching of China,

another female pirate, commanded

the largest pirate fleet ever.

Talking a pirate flotilla...

six times bigger than today's whole U.S. Navy,

docked off the shore of Macao!

-Wow! -Macaa! Macaa!

Hey! The parrot! It sounds like it's

saying Macao!

-Your feathers will do for a fine pillow, ya mutinous magpie!

-What do you want to bet, buccaneers,

Carmen's heading for Macao in the South China Sea?!

-Stomping grounds of the most infamous woman pirate ever!

Player, C-Five us to Macao,

and hook us up with a local detective

who knows the turf.

-Yes, Acme Agents, come on down!

You're on your way from the Island of Jamaica

to the port of Macao in China,

population four hundred thirty-six thousand.

-Ah, Macao, where you'll find the A-Ma Temple,

Dragon Boat races, and the famous Jetfoil to Hong Kong...

...which is not a slow boat to China.

That facade is all that's left of St. Paul's Cathedral,

built by the Portuguese in Sixteen-oh-three.

-Finding Carmen doesn't look like

it's going to be easy.

-That's because Macao is the world's

most densely populated region.

In fact, one out of every twenty people lives on a boat.

Including our Acme contact...

Detective Li.

-Go ahead, Chief.

-Hot tip, gumshoes.

This just in from Crime Net.

-Hey! Those are bathyrnetric maps

for spotting locations underwater!

-Which Carmen's...

...henchmen just stole from the Scripps Institution

in La Jolla, California, dudes.

[SCREAMS]

-Hey, if Carmen were going to steal something

and bury it underwater for safekeeping...

...I bet the Mariana Trench would be perfect.

It's over five miles deep,

and goes farther down in to the ocean

than Mt. Everest goes up into the sky.

-Why would Carmen want maps of submarine caves?

-Maybe because submarine caves

would be perfect for hiding one?!

-Whoa, a submarine. That could be it.

Chief, requesting level nine security Info-Scan

on top secret subs.

-The most high-tech subs in the world

are virtually undetectable on sonar.

-Any one of those would make the perfect pirate ship

for an oceangoing crime wave.

[MACHINE BEEPS]

-Look! The Acme...

...Security Scan shows a Russian sub...

...the Akula. It's on secret...

...maneuvers right here in the South China Sea.

-Chief, get us a C-Five-Q clearance,

and put us on that sub, pronto!

-Oh! A C-Five-Q! Well,

aren't we just the special little Captain's first mates!

[SPEAKING RUSSIAN]

-Now!

-Zack, what happened?

-Whatever she sh*t has us dead in the water!

-Prepare to board, men.

[BOISTEROUS CRIES]

-You can't just steal a submarine!

-Aye mate, you're right.

I can't, but Carmen Sandiego can!

[LAUGHS]

-Come on, I've got an idea.

-You won't get away with this!

-I already have, Zack. Bon Voyage.

Cut the lines.

[GRUNTS]

-Ivy and Jasmine are still on board!

-Carmen just said stow it in--...

-Excuse me, which way is shuffleboard?

-C'mere you.

-Hieeeee-yaaaahh!

Great! What do we do now?

-Just what Mary Read and Anne Bonny did.

[GRUNTS]

-We gotta stop that sub!

-Come on.

-Now's our chance.

-Prepare to dive, men.

-Engines engaged.

-Oh, no! Zack and Li are out there!

-We're not moving.

-Did someone forget to disengage the boarding lines?

-I'll get the lines.

-Never mind.

That abandoned pirate ship has served its purpose.

Dive at full speed.

[GASPS]

[MUFFLED VOICE]

-Listen. I have an idea.

[CLEARS THROAT] We'll take over here

and secure for dive.

[GASPS] -Carmen!

-I love it when a crime comes together.

-Whoa!!

-We're going down!

-Stop the dive, Carmen!

-Well, well.

I never suspected I'd be boarded by pirates.

-Aughhhh!

-Zack!

[FRANTIC BEEPING]

[ENGINE DIESó_

-Hey! It stopped. All right!

-C'mon Li, let's get aboard.

-Hey! Why have we stopped?

-I radio'd the Navy.

-Very impressive, Ivy, Jasmine.

-You know, there's always room

for two more on my crew.

-Sorry, Carmen. I don't think I'd like

the taste of prison food.

-We can't let them know we're aboard,

so be very quie--..

[GASPS]

-Let's get 'em!

-RUN!

-Ivy!!!

[MUFFLED SCREAMS]

-Hey! What the--... EEEHHHHH!!!

[GRUNTS]

-Hey! I'm gonna--... Whooo!

[MOAN & GROAN]

-Where's Carmen?

-Look!

-Whoa! There she goes!

-Wow!

-Oh no!

-We were so close.

-Hey, we did get a sub-full of henchmen, Ive.

-Yeah, it's good.

It's just not quite the same somehow, little bro'.

-Ahoy, Matey!

Looks like those detectives took the wind

out of your sails, eh Carmen?

-Chief... haul your anchor off my frequency.

I'm not in the mood.

-Take a long walk off a short plank? [LAUGH]...

-Okay. Smile!

-Congratulations on winning Detective

of the Year, Jasmine.

-Well, we got a nice snapshot of it, anyway.

-And I bet anything you will win it next year.

-Especially after busting all those henchmen

on this last caper.

You may have stopped me from proving

I'm the greatest pirate m history this time.

[BOAT WHISTLE BLOWS]

♪♪