02x23 - May 5, 1991

[bunniefuu]

♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

♪ In living color♪

- ♪ In living color♪
- ♪ You know what I'm sayin'♪

♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

- ♪ In living color♪
- ♪ In living color♪

♪ You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon ♪

♪ You see, it's never too late
and it's never too soon ♪

- ♪ Take it from me
It's a'ight to be ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

♪ And how would you feel knowing
prejudice was obsolete ♪

♪ And all mankind danced
to the exact beat ♪

- ♪ And at night it was safe
to walk down the street ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

♪ In living color♪

♪ In living color♪

♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

- ♪ In living color♪
- ♪ In living color♪

♪ Everybody here
is equally kind ♪

♪ Everybody here
is equally kind ♪

♪ Everybody, everybody
everybody, everybody ♪

- ♪ Everybody here is equally kind ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

♪ What's mine is yours
and what's yours is mine ♪

♪ In living c-c-c-olor♪

♪ You can do what you wanna do
in living color♪

- ♪ In living color♪
- ♪ You know what I'm sayin'♪

♪ You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon ♪

♪ You see, it's never too late
and it's never too soon ♪

- ♪ Take it from me
It's a'ight to be ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

♪ You can do what you wanna do
in living color♪♪

[Audience Applauding, Cheering]

[Imitating Sugar Ray Leonard]
All these guys are bums.

He'll wanna feel you out,
see what you got.

[Imitating Muhammad Ali]
He's got just one thing on his mind.

He's gonna wanna put you
on your back right away.

[Imitating Mike Tyson]
That's right. So what I want you to do...

is when you're both in close
and you're hot and sweaty...

I want you to throw it in his third rib.

You push that in there, it pushes all the bile
out of the body right onto the floor.

But, Dads, it's just a date.
Do I have to wear these gloves?

Oh, darlin', but it goes so nice
with the mouthpiece we got you.

[Announcer] At first,
there was Three Champs and a Baby.

Now, Touch-tone Pictures presents:

Now, remember, no contact below the belt.

That's right.
Let's get these up there.

- Oh, Dad.
- Now, do you remember what I told ya?

- No, Dad.
- Well, neither do I...

but just in case...

He may be pretty. He may have zits.

Whatever you do, don't let him touch, uh...

like a bee.

Thanks, Dad.

You know, you look pretty ecstatic, darlin'.

Thanks.
Oh, I think I might need some money, Dad.

Oh, that's fine.
All pretty girls need money.

How much you need, darlin'?
, , , ?

- Here. Take it all. Here. Take the watch.
- Oh.

Take the deed to the house. Take it all.
Just get your baldheaded mother
away from me!

- Mike! Mike!
- Michael! Michael!

- It's over now.
- Ohhh. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I had a lithium flashback. I'm all right.

- It's okay, Dad.
- No, darlin'. That was pretty ludicrous.

Hey, "ludicrous."
That's a pretty big word.

[Chuckles]
Yeah.

I remember the first time I fell in love.

It was right after a big fight.

I looked down and saw one of
the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen,
and it winked at me.

Then I picked it up
and put it back in its socket.

Hey. You know, I remember my first date.

- [Together] You do?
- No, I don't.

Well, anyway, darlin', just remember...

if you have any problems, just call the house.

I'll hop in the Mercedes. I'll drive right...

- No!
- No! No, no!

[Fight Bell Clangs]

- Dad! Doorbell.
- [Giggles]

That's pretty funny, Ali.
Pretty funny.

[Giggling]

Dad, Dad, Dad...

this is my date,
Gerry Cooney, Jr.

Yeah. How you doing, kid?

- Oh, geez!
- Like father, like son.

- Gerry Cooney.
- Easy, easy, easy.

Easy. Put your arm over here.
Put your arm around him.

- There you go.
- All right.

- Good-bye, young people. Have a good time.
- Good-bye, Dads.

- You kids have fun.
- Okay.

Have fun.
Say hello to your dad for me.

Geez. Boy, her first date, guys.

- Mm.
- I don't know if I'm ecstatic or ludicrous.

Why don't we just fight another round,
Mike?

- All right. I tell you what,
you guess who I am this time, all right?
- All right.

All right. Check it out now.
We're in the second round, all right?

Hit me with a right hand real soft.
Boom!

I'm down.
"Hey! Where's my $ million?"

- Buster Douglas!
- [Giggling] That's right!

[Announcer]
Three Champs and a Little Lady.

Coming to a theater near you.

[Man] KYYTnow presents
a minority affairs program, Black Like You.

Here are your hosts,
Tom and Tom...

the Brothers Brothers.

[Applause]

All righty! Why, thank you.

- How are ya? I'm Tom.
- Howdy.

We're delighted to host
this very worthwhile show.

- What do you say, Tom?
- That's right, Tom.

In fact, we've written
a very special song just for this show.

- Well, let's kick it off, brother.
- Shall we?

♪♪ [Folk]

♪ Problems and blacks
seem to go hand in hand ♪

♪ Wherever they roam
in this glorious land ♪

♪ We'll help them with customs
We'll help them with laws ♪

♪ And we'll try to solve
all the problems they cause ♪♪

- All righty.
- [Cheering]

- [Laughs]
- Oh, stop it. Stop it!

All righty. Well, let's
get started, shall we?

Yes, we certainly shall.

Today's guest is a young man
who says he was sent to prison
for a crime he didn't commit.

Yeah, right.

Well, let's meet him anyway.
Say hello to Mr. Rajeem Carter.

Come on out, Rajeem.

What's happening, brothers?

Is that some sort of
karate move there?

Well, what's happening
is we're doing a show.

So, I mean, let's just
cut right to the chase, Raj.

- Right to it.
- Yeah. What is your beef?

All right, first of all,
I want to say how glad I am...

that there's finally a show where
we brothers can discuss things.

- Oh, your brother's here?
Where's your brother?
- Bring your brother out.

- Come on out here.
- I didn't see him backstage.

Yo, yo, man, yo!
I'm talking about us three brothers.

I think you're kind of confused.
We're the Brothers Brothers.

You're a black guy who came
to complain about something.

Man, I'm not here complaining, see.

I just want people to know
how the Man screwed me up.

- The man? What man?
- The man? What man?

You know, the Man...
Mr. Charlie, Bobo.

His legal system
has railroaded me, brother.

Well, there's your problem.
Mr. Charlie Bobo's legal firm...

hardly sounds like
a reputable one to me.

I mean, never trust a man
with the last name "Bobo."

I mean, would you buy a home
from Louie Bobo?

I sure wouldn't.
[Laughing]

Say what?

- What.
- What.

Y'all don't even understand, man.

The police arrested me for no reason.

- Come on!
- Oh, come on. The police don't do that.

They're your friends.
They're here to protect and serve.

Well, my friends dragged me
out my crib butt naked.

Well, gosh darn it,
what the heck were you doing...

butt naked in the baby's crib?

Man, don't y'all understand?
Man, I went to prison for eight years...

and the only thing I learned
was how to resole shoes.

Well, gosh darn it, you should be
darn happy that you learned a trade.

- You're darn tootin'.
- A trade?

Man, nobody wants to get
their shoes resoled anymore.

- That's not true.
- Well, heck, I've got a few pair backstage.

You can start on them
right after the show.

You can even shine 'em for me.

[Brothers Laughing]

Shine shoes? Now, what kind
of a Tom do you think I am?

- There you go again.
- I think he's confused. We're the Toms.

- You're the angry black guy.
- Right.

You got that right.
You're the biggest Toms I ever seen.

- Why, thank you.
- Thank you very much.

I've been working out
a little at the gym.

- Well, actually,
Tom Brokaw is bigger than us.
- Yeah, he is.

I guess it's obvious.
Y'all guys, you can't relate to this at all.

Man, I suffered in the joint.

Hey, hey, hey! You don't give us
that doohickey nonsense, mister.

- That's right. I'll say "doohickey" again...
- Hey, Tom, take it easy.

'Cause I'm outraged!

Doohickey, darn it, heck!

Now, I want you to know
suffering, mister.

When you talk to Tom and Tom,
we know suffering.

Tell him about the time
in Tahoe, mister.

We flew to Tahoe for
a work engagement, mind you.

We had reservations,
a confirmation number and got there...

and only one of our rooms
were available.

- We had to share it.
- And needless to say...

that we were pretty upset
behind that.

I had to call my mom.

Lucky it was a suite, huh?

Y'all don't even know
what time it is, do you?

- Sure I do. : .
- Sure I do. : .

I guess you're on C.P. Time.

- [Laughing]
- Can we get away with that?

So I suppose y'all think I'm supposed
to just move out into the suburbs, man...

get a nose job,
marry some white woman...

buy a BMW
and just totally sell out, right?

- That's the spirit!
- Yeah. Maybe you want
to put a brim on that hat.

Forget y'all!

Well, I guess we showed him how to
look at things on the brighter side.

I think we certainly have.

- Tell you what, why don't we
sing a song about it?
- All righty, brother.

And you know
I mean fraternal.

♪♪ [Folk]

♪ When you're in trouble
just call ♪

♪ And right to your doorstep
the police will run ♪

♪ But if they should cuff you
and give you a smack ♪

♪ It's because
you're guilty ♪

♪ Not 'cause you're black ♪♪

- Good-bye.
- Good night, everybody.

Babaloo!

- ♪♪ [Drums]
- [Elephant Trumpets]

[All Murmuring]

Greetings.

I'm Margaret Linsford-Hall,
and this is my interpreter Mr. Mbutu.

[Interpreting In Naganawanese]

...Margaret Linsford-Hall...
bung-tanga-ndosilleh.!

President Bush has seen fit
to appoint me ambassador...

to your little nation...

rather than sending me to Majorca,
as I had expected.

[Translating]

I didn't know what to expect, based on
the briefing I received in Washington...

but I find your little country
really rather quaint...

in a Third World sort of way.

[Chattering, Laughing]

Uh, we have much
to offer your country...

in terms of agricultural assistance
and hunger relief.

[Murmuring, Groaning]

L-I'm very sorry that
I don't speak your language...

but Mr. Mbutu has been so kind
as to teach me a phrase to close with.

Um...
[Speaking Naganawanese]

Jum bakoo, bare booty...

cum bwee-bwee...
[Clicks Tongue]

Uh, bango-bango.

[Shouting, Cheering]

♪♪ [Hip Hop]

Yo, yo, yo! Welcome to
the Homeboy No-Money-Down Seminar.

That's right. We gonna teach you how to
get paid with absolutely no money down.

That's right.
I'm Willis, 'dis da Iceman.

- Chillin'!
- Yo, our secret to success...

is right here
in our new little booklet,

How To Make Mo'Money
Without Using Yo'Money.

Might well you ask,
"Whose money should I use?"

Who got more money then
they know what to do with?

- The Gub-ment.
- That's right.

And in part one of our booklet,

we gonna show you how to use that money
from the government.

For example, did you know...

that food stamps cannot be used
to buy alcoholic beverages?

Hmm. But how could I use that knowledge
to work for me?

I'm glad that you asked.

Let's look at the chart.

I go into a store and purchase
a pack of beer for, let's say, $ . .

Or even less,
depending on the security system.

And I trade it
to some unscrupulous individual,

such as this man right here.

For, let's say,
$ - worth of food stamps.

- Uh-huh.
- Now, he's easy to find.
He might even be in your family.

And I take that money, and I find
a little fat lady named LaQuita...

with about children,

and I trade it to her for $ .

What does that equal?

Yo, here goes one of
our many success stories.

Anton "Boom Boom"Geno.

$ , in three weeks.

Luther "Big Head"Jones.

$ , in six months.

Yo, our Mo' Money Seminar...

will teach you how to get over
like Rover the Casanova.

That's right.
And in part three,

we gonna show you
how to dress for success.

Like, check out my man Willis here.

I know you're saying
he looks pretty fly like it is,

but add this little
accessory right here...

Now he's got a look most businessmen
just can't seem to say "No" to.

That's right. But wait.
Hol-Hol-Hold on.

- You say, "Yo, homeboy."
- What?

- "Yo, homeboy."
- "What?"

- You drive a big Mercedes.
- Yes, I do.

How can I drive
a big, crazy Mercedes too?

Well, that's easy.
If you act now,

we gonna send you
our exclusive Mo' Money Valet Kit.

You just find yourself
a nice, fancy restaurant,

stand in front,
throw on this red jacket,

hold up this here sign,

and you'll be amazed
at how many people just walk up...

and give you a luxury car.

Yo, some of them will even tip you
before turning over the keys.

- [Pounding]
- [Man] FBI.! Open up in there.!

Yo. You know what that means.
We're moving locations.

That's right. Yo, people are just banging on
the doors trying to get into on our seminars.

So just send $ to the Homeboys
care of this station.

- See you next time.
- Peace.

[Pounding Continues]

- [Audience Cheering]
- Thank you very much. We'll see you next week.

Takin' us home tonight...
on theJ MJ label...

The Afros.

- [Woman] Yeah.!
- ♪♪ [Reverb]

♪♪ [Reggae]

- Special request to all
the people around the world.
- Yes!

Black, purple and green,
boy and girl.

This style our "rude boy" style.

Love and unity we are needin'
for the ' s.

You no see?
Do it, star!

♪♪ [Singing Reggae]

♪♪ [Ends]