01x13 - Episode 13

[bunniefuu]

♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

♪ In living color♪

- ♪ In living color♪
- ♪ You know what I'm sayin'♪

♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

♪ In living color♪

♪ In living color♪

♪ You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon ♪

♪ It's never too late
and it's never too soon ♪

♪ Take it from me
It's a'ight to be ♪

♪ In living color♪

♪ How would you feel knowing
prejudice was obsolete ♪

♪ And all mankind danced
to the exact beat ♪

♪ And at night it was safe
to walk down the street ♪

♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

♪ In living color♪

♪ In living color♪

♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

♪ In living color♪

♪ In living color♪

♪ Everybody here
is equally kind ♪

♪ In living color♪

♪ What's mine is yours
and what's yours is mine ♪

♪ In living color♪

♪ How would you feel knowing
everybody was your friend ♪

♪ From thin to thick
and through thick and thin ♪

♪ And egotistical trips
was put to an end ♪

♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

♪ In living color♪

♪ In living color♪

♪ You can walk on the moon
Float like a balloon ♪

♪ It's never too late
and it's never too soon ♪

♪ Take it from me
It's a'ight to be ♪

♪ In living color♪

♪ How would you feel knowing
prejudice was obsolete ♪

♪ And all mankind danced
to the exact beat ♪

♪ And at night it was safe
to walk down the street ♪

- ♪ In living color♪
- ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

♪ In living color♪♪

Ladies and gentlemen,
Keenen Ivory Wayans.

Everybody made it. All right.

- How you doing?
- [Audience Cheering]

Good. I'm Keenen Ivory Wayans.
This is In Living Color.

This is our last show of our first season.
We made it through the first one.

We want to thank y'all for all the support
you gave us. And we'll be back next time.

[Audience Cheering]

I gotta say hello
to the guys from Orange Drive.

[Men]
Aw, yeah.!

Give them a hand.
Give it up for 'em.

[Applause]

America, you have no idea
who the guys from Orange Drive are.

But they're a group
of obnoxious, little kids...

that kept banging on my door
bugging me for tickets.

So I hooked them up.
So now they're here.

We're gonna have fun tonight. This is our last
one. We're gonna try to go out with a bang.

Before we do that,
say hello to S.W. One, my D.J.

[Audience Cheering]

And to the Fly Girls, who promised
they won't wear any of these outfits next year.

Starting over here.
Carrie Ann, Deidre...

- Lisa, Michelle.
- [Man] Lisa.!

Sit for a minute.
We'll be right back.

♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

♪ In living color♪♪

One dollar.
Try and dunk the clown.

Only one dollar.
Try your luck for just a buck.

Try your luck.
One dollar. Dunk the clown. One...

- [Dings]
- Try again.

One dollar.
Dunk the clown.

- [Dings]
- Try again. One dollar.

Hey, wait a minute.
I just hit the target. Why didn't you fall in?

Oh, fall in, huh?

And drink up all this water
and suffocate, huh?

Float on my back like a dead man.
That would be pretty funny, huh?

- [Giggling] Yeah.
- I don't think so.

Homey don't play that.

- [Horn Honking]
- Homey's One-stop Carnival. Step right up.

Step right up, ladies and gentlemen.
Step right up.

- [Horn Honks]
- Are you a real clown?

No, I'm your daddy.
That's the clown.

What can I do for you,
little girl?

Can you make me
a balloon animal?

Sure. How about
a little doggy?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Homey once had a little doggy
just like this.

His name was Pal-o-mine.

Pet him. Pal-o-mine.
P-A-L-O, mine.

Used to love to play
fetch the stick.

Yeah. Till one day a cop car came by
and ran over his back legs.

He ain't no
pal o' mine no more.

- Here you go.
- You're a stupid clown.

Yeah?

- One-stop Carnival. One-stop Carnival.
- [Horn Honking]

Step right up.
Step right up.

Hey, clown. Can you guess
my wife's weight?

Sure. One dollar.

Okay, she's about...

I'd say...
one fat bitch.

Hey, he's pretty good.

[Horn Honking]

- Homey's One-stop Carnival. Step right up.
- [Horn Honking]

- Hey, Homey, what's this?
- That's the Homey Whirl-Twirl.

- Want a ride?
- Yeah.

One dollar.
Have a seat.

All right.
Round and round you go.

Round and round you go.
Where you stop, only Homey knows.

- Round and round I spin your dumb ass.
- Okay, Homey.

- You better hang on tight,
because you might not last.
- Homey, now I am sick.

- You said you want to go faster, huh?
- No, Homey!

Round and round you still must go to pay for
your sins that kept Homey down so low.

So how do you feel
about yourself now?

I feel dizzy
and nauseous, Homey.

Good. That's the same way I felt
after eight years in prison.

Puppet time.
Puppet time.

- [Horn Honking]
- Gather round.

Pay careful attention,
ladies and gentlemen...

'cause this puppet show
has a certain message to it.

I want you to meet
Mr. Establishment.

Say hello
to the nice people.

[High-pitched Voice]
Hello, nice people.

Now... tell the nice people how
you've tried to keep Homey down.

Well, I've structured
society in such a way...

that men like Homey face
nearly impossible odds...

of ever achieving any sort
of educational opportunity.

Therefore, they're unable
to obtain gainful employment...

thus forcing them to turn to
an alternate source of income.

Sooner or later, they just end up in jail,
just like Homey.

That's right. Now let's show them how
Homey gets back at Mr. Establishment.

Shall we?

[High-pitched Voice]
Sure.

Very good.

So, what have we learned,
if nothing else?

Homey... don't play that.

Very good.
Now take your bow.

The end. One dollar.

[Horn Honking]

Uh, me and my wife,
we've been having some...

uh, sexual problems.

I guess it's 'cause I have been
under a lot of stress and...

maybe I do harbor
some misplaced anger, but...

you know, I think most guys
do go through this.

- Am I right, fellas?
- [Laughter]

This ain't
The Oprah Winfrey Show?

Excuse me.

Hey! So they finally rented
that place, huh?

Been about two years.
Sure hope that slumlord changed the carpet.

It was so stink over there,
I could taste it over here.

Mm-hmm. Oh, by the way...

I love what you did with those
little milk crates... that little table you made.

What's that, art deco?

Yeah. Look at me rattling on and on
like you know who I am.

Hi, girl. I'm Bonita Batrell.
I've been here all my life.

I know everybody in this neighborhood.
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, girl, there's some fine people
in this neighborhood.

There's a lot of trash too.
But I ain't one to gossip.

Hey, there goes Mavis
and her kids.

Mavis!

Hey, I see you got the whole g*ng
out there today, huh?

Them kids look like
a pack of rag muffins.

Gotta wrap them up in newspaper
to take them to Sunday school.

Mmm, mm-mmm.
You see that little one down there?

That little one. No, the one down there
with the snot in his nose.

Mm-hmm. That's
my little godson, Chuckie.

Hey, Chuckie.
Hey, Chuckster.

Hey, Chuckie wucky doodle.
You gonna give your godmother a kiss?

[Kissing Sound]

That's a little crack addict
in the making there.

Honey, I'm telling you.
All them kids do is beg.

"Give me," "Loan me," "Can you spare?"
Every time you turn around.

Neither one of them would ever say,
"Here, dog. Here's a bone."

Now, the mama, every time I open my door,
she's hanging out there with a cup.

She needs some flour.
She needs some bread. She needs some eggs.

She need to take her ass to the supermarket.
That's what she needs to do.

Girl, I just don't
understand people like that.

'Cause I'm trying to better myself.
That's right.

I'm enrolled in
the Robert Feon School of Beauty...

and the Ace
Truck Driving School.

So I'm gonna have
something, you see?

Hey! There go
my home girl, Gretchen.

Hey, Gretchen.
Hey, girl. I'm scared of you.

You look good.
Love what you did with your hair.

Shake it, but don't break it.
But if you do, save Chuck a piece.

That fool went and spent the baby's
diaper money to get her weave tightened.

Girl, the baby was hollering
like a banshee all night.

I'm telling you,
I'm glad I ain't got to worry about that...

'cause I got me some Cherokee
on my mama's side.

So hair ain't
no luxury item in my family.

Matter of fact,
when I was a girl...

my hair was long and straight
and black and thick.

They used to
call me Pocahontas.

Then one day I was heating up some
ham hocks, and my ponytail caught on fire.

Ain't never come back.

Just don't
understan... Huh?

Oh, oh, oh, him.
That's Mr. Washington down there.

Yeah, he's
like a father to me.

Hey, Daddy Washington.

It's me,
your little fuzzy-wuzzy.

You lookin'
mighty spry today.

Got some spring
in your step. Mm-hmm.

You'd have some spring in your step
too if you were sleeping with...

the preacher's
-year-old daughter.

Poor Mrs. Washington.
She don't know what to do with herself.

All she do is sit around eating
the government cheese and passing gas all day.

Girl's stomach done blown up so big,
look like she got food poisoning or something.

Mmm, mmm, mmm, it's a trip.
But I ain't one to gossip.

If anyone asks you, you ain't heard it from me.
No, you haven't.

Oh, oh, you gotta... Look at.
There goes Miss Jenkins right there.

Mm-hmm. That's good old
Mrs. Jenkins, honey.

I dare somebody say something
bad about Mrs. Jenkins.

Don't nobody better say nothing bad
about Miss Jenkins, 'cause I'll go crazy.

That's when I'll lose it. Miss Jenkins is
a sterling example of a human being.

Mmm, mmm-mmm-mmm.

Hey, Miss Jenkins!
She is something else, honey.

Just don't let her
take her shoes off in your apartment.

Feet smell like
a dill pickle.

Yeah, there's some nice people in
this neighborhood. There's some fine folks.

You gonna like it just fine.
You just do me a favor.

You stay away from nosy, gossiping hens,
and you be okay.

All right. I got to go now. The Home Shopping
Club's coming on. See you later.

- ♪♪ [Woman Rapping]
- ♪♪ [Rapping]

♪♪ [Continues]

♪♪ [Continues]

♪♪ [Man Rapping]

♪♪ [Rapping Continues]

[Man]
You loved him in Police Academy One...

Two, Three, Four...

Five, Six and Seven.

Now you can see him live on stage in
a special evening of performance entitled...

Michael Winslow:
A One Man Show.

[Applause]

[Mimicking Rotary Phone
Dialing]

[Mimicking Line Ringing]

[Applause]

[Mimicking Engine Cranking,
Sputtering]

[Sputtering Continues]

[Mimicking Engine Starting]

David Ansen of Newsweek Magazine
calls it "Spellbinding."

[Mimicking Machine g*n Firing]

Clive Barnes of
the New York Post says...

"Winslow makes us listen
ultimately to ourselves...

and what we hear is quite ugly. "

[Mimicking Turkey Gobbling]

[Recording Of
Crowd Cheering]

- ♪♪ ["Charge"On Organ]
- [Bat Hits Baseball]

[Man]
It's a home run.!

[Crowd Cheering]

Don't miss Michael Winslow
this June at the Winter Garden Theater.

The experience is
sound-sational.

[Man]
This month on HBO.

She's loud, she's ugly,
she wears an overcoat...

and she's a screaming success.

She's Samantha Kinison.

Yeah, it's great
to be here tonight.

I guess you can tell
it's my anniversary.

That's right.
I've been married for five years...

to a [Bleep] man.
[Screaming]

I try not to be bitter
about it though.

I guess I just pictured marriage
as being somewhat different, you know.

I guess I just pictured
something other than...

some lazy slob laying around reading
Playboys and drinking Black Label.

"Morning, honey. Sure wish I could
stick around waiting on you hand and foot...

[Bleep] your [Bleep] all day,
but one of us has gotta earn a living!"

[Screaming]

I tell you.

Maybe next time I'll consider marrying
a little higher up on the food chain.

Like maybe
an amoeba or something.

[Chuckling]

I'm not bitter though.

I love [Bleep] men.
I have always loved [Bleep] men.

I'll never forget the first time I fell in love.

I was about years old,
you know.

I'll never forget it.

I was just waiting for the right man
to come and sweep me right off my feet.

Just sweep me off my feet.

Not use me like a [Bleep]
Ride at Disney World!

[Screaming]

But I still remember
the first one.

That's right. Wrote a little song about him.
He looked something like you.

Mr. Smooth there in the front row.
How you doin'? I bet you've been in love, sir.

I bet you've taken some young lady
under your arm, sir.

I bet you told her you loved her,
and she believed you.

I'd like to sing a song that I wrote
for my honey lamb. It goes something like this.

You [Bleep] bastard!
You broke my heart!

You said you loved me,
you lying son of a bitch!

You lame-ass [Bleep]!

I never felt your [Bleep]!
I never felt your [Bleep]!

[Man]
You'll laugh, you'll gas, you'll burn in hell.

Samantha Kinison.
This month on HBO.

♪♪ [Rapping]

♪♪ [Continues]

[Man] And now it's time for another
visit with The Buttmans.

Ooh, it's cold out there.

Buff? Honey, are you home?

[Woman]
Hi, dear. I'm just finishing up in the kitchen.

- How was your day?
- Oh, terrible.

I've got a splitting headache.

Oh, whoo.

Whoo! I just feel like my head's about to
crack wide open.

Oh, that's awful.

- Here.
- Oh, thanks, hon.

Let me massage
your temples.

Aw.

- Was there anything in particular
that bothered you today?
- [Can Opens]

I don't know. It's just that
since I started losing my hair...

it seems like the guys around
the loading dock are laughing behind my back.

Oh.

And besides that,
I split this pair of pants today...

bending down
to pick up a crate.

- Look at that.
- Oh, that's awful.

It must be a faulty pair.
We should complain to the manufacturer.

- You're darn right.
- Is there a label in there?

Well, let's see.
They usually keep one around the, uh...

[Muffled]

Oh, what the hell.
Another bucks down the hole.

- How was your day?
- You know, the oddest thing happened.

Remember that time we took the kids
on the roller coaster ride...

and we couldn't figure out
what that whistling sound was?

Yeah. It sounded like
a hillbilly jug band or something.

Well, on the way
to school today...

Jimmy stuck his head out the window,
and I heard it again.

- Weird.
- [Knocking On Door]

Must be the kids.
Must have forgot their keys again.

Aw, how's my little buddies?

Whew. It's cold out there.

Talk about freezing
your face off.

- Hi, Daddy.
- Hi, muffin.

- I brought the mail in.
- Oh, thank you.

How was school today?

It was fine, exceptJimmy got in trouble 'cause
he kept giving Miss Jenkins raspberries.

- Did not!
- You did too.

- Not! Not!
- You did too!

- [Raspberries]
- [Raspberries]

- Stop that. I'll have none of that in my house.
- [Raspberry]

- And you, young man.
What's this on the back of your head?
- What, Dad?

- This.
- Aw, they did it again?

"Planet Uranus."

- What does that mean?
- I don't know, Son.

Probably just some more
of that asinine humor.

You're gonna have to learn
just to turn the other cheek.

Daddy?

- Yes, pumpkin?
- Daddy, can I get some, um, hair extensions?

Oh, pumpkin, you need that
like you need another hole in your head.

Daddy, but the boys
seem to like 'em.

Well, those boys are just
packing your head full of nonsense.

- [Doorbell Rings]
- I'll get it.

- Mrs. Buttman?
- Yes.

- Gas man.
- We didn't call the gas man.

Good God!

It smells like
foot and ass in this house.

Whoo!

Man!

Uh, there's been a report of a gas leak
in the neighborhood...

and, uh, judging from the smell of things,
I think it's coming from this house.

- I don't smell anything. Do you smell anything?
- No, Ma.

Not at all.

You might want to
check next door at the Dickens house.

Thanks a lot,
Mr. Buttman.

Look here, man,
if y'all ain't gonna light a match...

invest in some incense.

Whoo!

[Jimmy Laughing]

- Everybody, come here. You've gotta see this.
- [Dad] What?

Oh, just come on.
You'll see.

- [All] Ooh!
- Wow!

- It's a full moon.
- A full moon.

You know, sometimes I think
the moon was madejust for us.

- Mm-hmm.
- [Man]Join us again next week...

for more ass-backward antics
with The Buttmans.

Thank you very much.

We had a lot of fun this season. We want
everybody to have a fun and safe summer...

- and we'll see you in the fall.
- [Tommy] Later.

♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

♪ In living color♪♪