07x11 - A Little Snip and Teaching Old Dogs

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Young Sheldon...

So, where should I go?

- Caltech.
- MIT.

I'm so excited to visit MIT.

Me, too.

Proud of you, son.

Thank you, Dad.

- _
- [WIND WHISTLING]

- Caltech?
- Caltech.

ADULT SHELDON: I always
believed my extraordinary life

would be chronicled in
numerous biographies.

I even used to make up my own titles.

My favorites were:

From Texas to Success:
the Sheldon Cooper Journey,

and Cooper for Kids,

a pre-school introduction to
quantum gravity in superstrings.

The point is, I knew my formative
years would be well-documented,

which meant I needed to polish up

some of my early academic credentials,

especially East Texas Tech.

Wh-What am I looking at?

My proposal for next semester's
curriculum on string theory.

I may be leaving, but that doesn't mean

you can attract more brilliant minds

by staying on the cutting edge.

Sheldon, you are not a professor here.

Oh, I know. If I were to teach,

it would be at a much better
university than this one.

And, in 54 days, you will no
longer be a student here.

Not that I'm counting.

True, we should relish these moments.

Oh, I'm relishing. Look at me relish.

So, what am I supposed to do with this?

Just because I won't be here

doesn't mean I won't forever be
associated with this university.

And it would be nice
if people look at my résumé

and said "East Texas Tech,"
not "East Texas Tech."

You said those the exact same way.

Really? In my head, the second
one was dripping with scorn.

"East Texas Tech." How was that?

Dripping.

- Mm.
- Sheldon, I appreciate this,

but, uh, we have an
excellent faculty here,

and they are quite capable of
devising their own curriculum

without your help.

I suppose I could spin East Texas Tech

as a hardship I had to overcome,

like a hunchback or a club foot.

[QUIETLY]: 54 days.

I know. I'm going to miss this, too.

Mm.

♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪

So, this is the new physics curriculum

I've developed for next year.

Introduction to nonlinear sigma models?

That's some pretty advanced stuff.

And that's the point.

You know, Sheldon may be leaving,

but we can attract
the next brilliant mind

if we stay on the cutting edge.

Couldn't agree more.

In fact, John, why don't you take point

on that nonlinear class
and I'll teach, uh...

Ooh, so much here I've heard of,

which one do I pick?

All right, if this material is
too challenging for you,

maybe I should rethink my faculty.

What are you saying?

Well, legally I can't say
that I'm replacing you

with someone younger,
so I'm not saying that.

Uh, legally.

Nice try, but I have tenure.

- I don't.
- Tough luck.

HAGEMEYER: Another thing I'm not saying

is that I'm going to put
your office at the top

of a flight of very steep stairs.

Okay, that won't be necessary.

We may be out of the loop on this stuff,

but we can catch up.

Agreed!

We can be up to speed in
two shakes of a lamb's tail.

Don't say that, you sound old.

- Lickety-split?
- Better.

Lickety-split.

- [QUIET CHATTER ON TV]
- [DOOR CLOSES]

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Oh, come to Nana.
- There you go.

Oh, you got so big.

I said that to her when she
was pregnant. No bueno.

So, uh, what movie y'all going to see?

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.

Mandy, you want to see that?

I don't care, I'm gonna be asleep
before the lights go down.

Well, we are so happy to babysit.

In fact, if you want to go to dinner

after the movie, that's fine with us.

Aw, thanks, but we're
trying to save money.

George, give them some money
so they can go to dinner.

We're already babysitting for free.

But we never get to see this little one,

because her mean Mommy
and Daddy moved her away.

Well, Mommy and Daddy have
their own bathroom now, so...

Oh, that's the dream right there.

Alrighty. Bye, baby.

Bye, honey. Be good.

Oh, she'll be an angel
for Nana and Grampy.

Grampy? I didn't sign off on that.

Okay, let's go, I want
to get this nap started.

See you, Grampy.

[KNOCKING] STURGIS: Grant.

I finished reading Ed Witten's article

on the Landau-Ginzburg orbifold.

I'm almost done with one
on Planckian scattering.

I don't know why we were so reluctant

to dive into these new theories.

- Agreed.
- Exciting stuff.

- Thrilling.
- So thrilling.

A little hard to parse.

A bit enigmatic.

I had to read the same
paragraph four times.

I fell asleep on one paper,
drooled all over it.

- Huh.
- Is it possible that we're too old

to learn new things?

Nonsense. This would
have been over my head

even as a young man.

Maybe we just need someone
to explain it to us.

Are you talking about Sheldon?

I'm sure he'd be happy to help.

Oh, that's what I'm afraid of.

I don't want to give him
the satisfaction of thinking

he's smarter than us.

But he is smarter than us.

I know that and you know that,
but he can never know that.

Okay, how about this?

We take one of these papers,

buckle down and figure it out together.

- Teamwork, I like it.
- [CHUCKLES]

Oh.

Actually, could you move it a
bit closer? That's a little fuzzy.

Uh...

Now it's fuzzy for me.

Put on your cheaters.

I forgot them on the bus.

I have an extra pair,
would you like them?

That would be lovely.

Teamwork.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Say "Nana."

Nana.

Na-na.

Ain't she a little young for that, Mare?

ADULT SHELDON: For the record,
I said my first word at four months.

It was "hypotenuse."

I asked you to get
her bottle, not yours.

Two birds, Mare.

[SIGHS]

Get down here and feed her with me.

Why?

'Cause that's how you bond.

[SIGHS] All right.

You're gonna have to get me back up.

- [GROANS] Cheers.
- [DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

MISSY: I'm home!

Oh, no, did Dad fall?

No, I'm bonding with the baby.

- Isn't she the cutest?
- Hmm.

Want to know what else is cute?

Another piercing right up here.

- No.
- Why? Heather just got one.

I thought you and Heather were fighting.

Yeah, middle school's complicated.

You're not getting another piercing.

It's my ear.

We made that ear. It's our ear.

I hate this house.

[GROANS]

- I miss when she couldn't talk.
- [EXHALES]

- Hi, Sheldon.
- Hello.

I was hoping I could pick your brain

about some of the latest
breakthroughs in string theory.

And, uh, maybe we keep this between us.

Uh, Dr. Linkletter doesn't need to know.

- Grant?
- John.

I can't believe you went to
Sheldon behind my back.

You're doing the same exact thing.

Yeah, well, you did it first!

In or out? I don't have all night.

Well, thanks so much for watching her.

Was she any trouble?

- No, not at all.
- How was your nap?

- I've had better.
- Hey.

A guy talks out of his butt, I laugh.

Dr Pepper came out your nose.

Yeah, when words came out of his butt.

GEORGE SR.: Okay. Mare, this is
where you hand the baby back

- and let them leave.
- I'm just soaking her up.

They don't live in Kansas.

[CHUCKLING]: You can see
'em whenever you want.

Okay, well, Nana loves you.

Nana's the best. Nana.

Nana, Nana, Nana.

All right, Nana. Take it down a notch.

Okay. Bring her back anytime.
I mean it, anytime.

- I think they got it.
- We got it.

Bye.

- That was so nice.
- Yeah, what a sweet deal.

You have a little fun,
then hand her right back.

I don't know, I like having
a baby in the house.

[CHUCKLES]: Yeah, well...

You know, Russ at work,

he-he's starting all over
with wife number two.

You should see him.
Looks like a walking corpse.

That doesn't sound so bad.

Are you serious?

[SIGHS]

Well, Georgie and
CeeCee live across town,

Sheldon's about to move to California.

The house is gonna feel empty.

Whoa, whoa, it ain't empty
yet, you still got Missy here.

Missy doesn't let me hug her anymore.

That is not true. Missy, get out here

- and hug your mother!
- MISSY: No!

[SIGHS]

- [COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING]
- [QUIET CHATTER]

Mm, mm.

Booth just opened up.

Y'all want to move over?

Booth? We're not on a date.

I don't want our knees
rubbing up on each other.

Well, excuse me for
wanting to be comfortable.

George, you believe this guy?
He wants to sit in a booth.

[CHUCKLES]: What? Oh, yeah.

Come on, Wayne we're not on a date.

PETERSEN: I just made that joke.
Get your head in the game.

Sorry, I... I'm a little distracted.

All right, what's going on?

We were babysitting the granddaughter.

I'm worried Mary's
got a little baby fever.

You tell her about Russ?

'Course I told her about Russ.

Poor bastard. Shuffling
around like a zombie.

And Russ is in shape.

[CHUCKLES]: You can't go
around chasing after a baby.

Hey, I'll have you know I got up
off the floor all by myself today.

Of course you did.

Just because she's having
fun with your grandkid

doesn't mean she wants more babies.

I don't know.

She's definitely brought it up before.

Oh, boy.

There's gonna be a new zombie in town.

- Chunky zombie. [LAUGHS]
- [LAUGHS]

Hey, it isn't all up to her.
I have a say in this.

- [LAUGHS]
- I'm serious. It...

It takes two. Mm.

Then be honest with her.

Or you don't want another
one, do what I did.

I'm not getting a divorce.

No, I mean, get a little snip.

Never worry about it again.

Well, you mean like a...
like a down-there snip?

I can't believe I let you teach Health.

Well, Mary'd never go for that.

I didn't know you got snipped.

That's 'cause my balls are
none of your business.

Fair point.

If W is the Kähler metric
on the algebraic variety X,

and the canonical bundle
KX is trivial, then X is what?

- A Zariski space.
- Wrong.

Hey!

Obviously, it's an elliptic curve.

Wrong.

- Hey!
- Why are you hitting us?

- Wrong.
- Ow! Why'd you hit me?

Pain is the best teacher.

I'm teaching you.

Well, it feels like you're hitting us.

Like you, I struggled
with these concepts,

but eventually, I mastered them,
through hard work, resilience

and a healthy dose of knuckle whacking.

Son, we are accomplished scientists.

We won't be treated like this.

Very well.

Class, who knows where
the dummkopf went wrong?

Dummkopf? You're calling me a dummy?

There's also public humiliation.
That was quite effective.

Are you old dummkopfs ready to learn,

or is it past your bedtime?

Oh, I'm good till at least 7:30.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Hey.

What you doing?

- The twins' first birthday.
- Yeah.

Look how little they were.

- Well, look how little I was.
- Oh.

And Georgie when
he lost his first tooth.

When he learned it was worth a quarter,

- he tried to pull out the rest of 'em.
- Ah.

Guess he's always been a businessman.

Yeah. And an idiot.

Tell me you don't miss
their sweet little faces.

Mm. That's why we took pictures.

It's not the same as rocking
'em to sleep at night.

Yeah, 'till they wake
you up at 3:00 a.m.

And smelling their little heads.

Really? That's the smell you remember?

Come on. It wasn't that bad.

It wasn't, but... we were younger then.

I'm not saying we should
try for another one.

- Great.
- I'm just saying,

if there was an accident,

it might be a happy accident.

Mm-hmm.

I guess it's in God's hands.

I guess it is.

Hello. Hey.

I'm here about a vasectomy.

Actually, our earliest
appointment is in three weeks.

- Hmm. That long, huh?
- Yeah.

I can't do it. I cannot do it.

Something may have just opened up.

[PHONE RINGING]

- Hello?
- Hello, Meemaw.

Well, isn't this a nice surprise?

You're old. Can you
still learn new things?

[PHONE BEEPS OFF]

[PHONE RINGING]

Want to try that again?

I need your help.

I'm listening.

I'm trying to teach Dr. Linkletter
and Dr. Sturgis string theory,

and they're struggling.

I'm worried that their
advanced age is a factor.

- And since you're also...
- Careful.

... in the winter of your life...

[CLICK, DIAL TONE]

[TOUCH TONES SOUNDING]

[SIGHS]

[PHONE RINGS]

You were saying?

And since you're also a
wise and mature woman...

- Go on.
- ... you might have some tips

on how best to educate
others in your peer group.

So you want me to help you
teach an old dog new tricks?

I feel like if I said that
you would have hung up.

Look, it can't be easy for them

to be taught by somebody your age.

I think you're just gonna have
to be a little understanding

and patient.

Patient? They could drop
dead at any mome...

[PHONE RINGING]

- What?
- Despite this challenging exchange,

- you know I love you.
- Yeah, yeah.

♪ Let's say goodbye ♪

- ♪ Like we said hello... ♪
- [GROANS]

I can't believe you did it
without telling your wife.

I didn't call you for a lecture, Wayne.

- I called you for a ride.
- Which you needed

'cause you had a vasectomy
without telling Mary.

I only went down there
to ask some questions,

- and they had an opening.
- So you said, "Get in there,

- start snipping!"
- I panicked!

Mary was looking at baby pictures.

Oh. Well, clearly, you had no choice.

I'm in a lot of pain here,
Wayne. You're not helping.

What do you think she's gonna
say when she finds out?

- She's not gonna find out.
- You can barely walk.

You think she's not gonna notice?

You have any idea how
much sitting I do at home?

Oh, I can imagine. I do work with you.

[SIGHS]

Hey, watch out for that...

... pothole.

Oh, I saw it.

[GROANS]

LINKLETTER: 26 dimensions.

In what world are there 26 dimensions?

When I was an undergraduate,
we made fun of the old professors

who didn't understand
the theory of mesons.

[LAUGHS] Me, too.
I told my thesis advisor,

"I'm surprised you don't
understand the physics of time.

You were here for the dawn of it."

[BOTH LAUGH]

- And now, we've become them.
- I wish.

My mentor was a Fields Medal winner,

taught at Princeton. What have I done?

You wrote that article on the positron.

I did. I was the belle of
the physics ball that year.

And you... you've lectured
all over the world.

I can ask for Pepto Bismol
in 16 languages.

Póro na écho lígo Pepto Bismol?

[LAUGHS] That was Greek.

Clearly, we're not too
old to learn things.

And there's no shame
in needing a little help.

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

But does it have to be Sheldon?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

ADULT SHELDON: My meemaw made me realize

that Dr. Linkletter and
Dr. Sturgis' failure

to learn string theory was
my failure as a teacher.

Perhaps the knuckles that really
needed to be rapped were my own.

Ow! Lesson learned.

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

Sheldon, we'd like
you to teach us again.

MEEMAW: Understanding and patience.

♪ Everybody hurts... ♪

All right, dummkopfs, let's do this.

♪ Sometimes ♪

♪ Everybody hurts... ♪

[GROANS]

MISSY: You don't do that
to all the food, do you?

I got hurt at practice.

Blow your whistle too hard?

Funny.

Well, you make it easy.

- [SIGHS]
- MARY: George, what happened?

Pulled a muscle at practice.

Also, I'm never eating peas again.

- Is it your... ?
- Groin, yeah.

Let me run you a warm
bath. I bet that'll help.

Oh, I'll be fine. I just
need to sit for a while...

and not take a shower
for two to three days.

- I'll get you some BENGAY.
- No, no! No.

Heating pad?

I'm good. Got my peas, just need to sit.

[AIRY, PROLONGED GROANING]

[AIRY GROANING CONTINUES]

[GRUNTS]

You sure you're okay?

Oh, yeah, right as rain. [GROANS]

So wait a minute. Are you
saying that the particle

should be understood as
a sequence of functions

ex*cuted in a manifold?

He said it, not me.

Actually, that's correct.

We were both thinking it.
That's what's important.

So that would mean... ?

Gravity is just the residue
of forces within manifolds?

Are you asking me or telling me?

- Telling?
- You're right.

Oh. [LAUGHS]

[MARY YAWNS]

- I'm going to bed. You coming?
- [TV PLAYS QUIETLY]

Nah, I think I'm just gonna stay here.

You sure you're okay?

Yeah, I'll be fine.

Look at us. It's 9:00, I'm exhausted.

You got hurt watching
other people exercise.

[LAUGHS]

I can't believe I thought we
could handle another baby.

[SIGHS]

Really?

Oh. CeeCee's all we need.

Well, if that's how
you feel, I support it.

Good night.

Hey, before you go...

... could you swap me out?

- Broccoli or corn?
- Surprise me.

[SIGHS]