05x07 - RuPaul Roast

[bunniefuu]

- Previously on

RuPaul's Drag Race...

- Rolaskatox is Roxxxy,

Alaska, and Detox.

- I have narcolepsy.

[snores]

- You'll be writing

and recording

an inspirational anthem.

- Coco, there's a lot

of pressure on you

to start this out.

- Yeah.

Thanks, Detox.

- For what?

- ♪ Can I get an amen ♪

- ♪ Just love yourself ♪

- What's going on with you

and Detox?

- Rolaskatox.

- No!

Cliques can be dangerous.

- Jinkx Monsoon.

- There was, like, 20 different

eras going on.

She's consistently a mess.

- This week's winner

is Ivy Winters.

- Thank you so much.

[giggles]

- Coco Montrese,

shantay, you stay.

Jade, sashay away.

- Thank you guys.

- Oh, Jade.

- "Cheers to my fish, fabulous,

and fierce sisters."

- We love you, Jade.

- Oh, God.

Bottom two twice.

I can't let Ru down anymore.

I'm not gonna take it

for granted anymore.

So you b*tches

better look the f*ck out.

- Oh!

- Ivy, you won your challenge.

- I know!

- Congratulations.

[cheers and applause]

- And you always look amazing

on the runway.

I had my fingers crossed I could

possibly win two challenges

in a row, but, I mean, Ivy,

it was very well-deserved.

- Jinkx likes to play

the "I think I did good,

"but I don't know.

They really hate my runways."

You're acting like

a little wounded girl,

and I'm fixing to call you out.

- Has everyone won

a challenge except...

have you won a challenge?

- Except me...a mini-challenge.

- And me, I haven't won.

- We're the only ones.

- It's just so hard

being here in Sharon's shadow.

She won four challenges.

This is not the place for me

to be supporting cast.

I have to show that I do

stand alone.

all: Rolaskatox.

- I don't want to be part of

Rolaskatox.

I want to be Alaska.

- The winner of RuPaul's

Drag Race receives

a sickening supply of

Colorevolution cosmetics,

a luxury trip

courtesy of alandchuck.travel,

headline Logo's Drag Race tour

featuring Absolut vodka...

cocktails perfected...

and a cash prize of $100,000.

And tonight, extra special

guest judges Leslie Jordan

and Absolut's Jeffrey Moran.

- Rolaskatox.

- Rolaskatox.

It's a new day in the WERK room.

I know what I have to do,

and I'm gonna do it.

Alaska!

- What?

- Oh, she said Alaska.

Did your friend leave y'all?

- No more Rolaskatox?

- We can't do cliques.

It's too dangerous.

I guess it's just Rotox now.

It's hard to say

to Detox and Roxxxy

that I don't want to be

in this little girl group

that we had together.

- Ooh, she broke the group up.

- Smart girl.

[alarm sounds]

- Ooh!

- Ooh, girl, you got shemail.

Hey, queens.

all: Hey.

- It's feeding time.

So if you've got a beef,

it's time to start slinging

sass and serving insults.

- Ah!

- But never ever let them

see you choke.

[chokes]

all: Uh-oh!

- Hello, hello, hello.

all: Hi, Ru!

- Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

- Ladies, in the great

tradition of Paris is Burning,

get ready to visit the library,

darlings.

[cheers and applause]

Because reading is what?

all: Fundamental!

- That's right, that's right.

First up, Detox, the library

is open.

- Oh.

Roxxxy Andrews, condragulations

on the weight loss, but to me,

you're still Boxxxy Mandrews.

[all laugh]

Alyssa Edwards.

Overbites are very "in"

this season.

Too bad your performance here

is so underwhelming.

- Oh-oh!

- [laughs]

- Sharon Needles...what? No?

[all laugh]

I've had it.

- Jinkx Monsoon.

- Roxxxy Andrews, there are

two types of peanut butter,

creamy and crunchy.

[all laugh]

- I'm not crunchy, baby.

- Detox, you won the challenge.

You can take the chicken mask

off now.

[all laugh]

- [clucking]

- Roxxxy Andrews.

- Coco Montrese, for someone

who calls themself a top,

you sure do like

being on the bottom.

- Ooh!

[all laugh]

- Jinkx Monsoon,

ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

You're great at the challenges,

but on the runway,

you're a bust.

[all laugh]

- Detox, is Amanda Lepore

your mother?

'Cause there's a lot of silicone

going on there.

- Ooh.

- Jinkx Monsoon,

Boy George called.

He wants his hat back.

- [gasps]

- Ooh.

- Alyssa Edwards.

Never mind.

all: Ooh!

- Ivy Winters.

I can't do it

because reading you

is like reading

a Walt Disney book.

It's simply too easy.

[all laugh]

Detoxic.

Honey, I know you think

you're serving body and look,

but the only thing I'm getting

is The Hills Have Eyes.

- Uh-oh.

- Ms. Coco.

You must be blind

because it looks like

you're using Tang

for your highlights.

- [laughs]

- Aah!

- Ms. Alaska, I think you should

wear a mask

for every challenge.

- [laughs]

I don't want to read

these girls.

I love them so mu...all right,

let's go.

[all laugh]

Alyssa Edwards, Miss USA...

Oh, wait.

[all gasp]

- Why are you laughing?

- Detox, you're so seductive,

but unfortunately, it's illegal

to do it with you

because most of your parts

are under 18 years of age.

[all laugh]

Long story short, the season of

the fish smells like trout.

[all laugh]

I don't know what came over me.

- The library

is now officially closed.

The winner of today's

mini-challenge is...

Alaska.

[applause]

- Whoo!

- You shady bitch.

Ladies, for this week's

main challenge,

you're going to get

a chance to read...

me.

[all shout]

- Nuh-uh.

- You'll be competing

in the RuPaul Roast.

- Aah!

- Oh, my God.

- What?

- Proudly presented by Absolut.

Over 30 years ago, Absolut Vodka

was one of the first spirits

to support the gay and lesbian

community.

They were also the first

to launch

a citron and a mandarin vodka,

making the world

a fruitier place,

one cocktail at a time.

Now in that spirit, you need to

write and perform

outrageous material that really

lets me have it...

plus the judges...

plus each other.

No one's safe at a roast,

chickens.

Now to help you prepare,

you'll be working with

three professionals:

the shelarious Nadya Ginsburg...

- [gasps]

- Deven Green...

- Oh!

- And the one and only

Bruce Vilanch.

[all cheering]

- Alaska, you won the

mini-challenge,

so you'll decide the order

of the presenters.

- Oh.

- Gentlemen,

start your engines.

And may the best woman win.

- Does anyone have a preference

as to going early, late?

'Cause I don't want to f*ck

anyone over.

- I would prefer to go

just in the middle.

- In the middle? Okay.

- Me too, in the middle

for me too.

- I want to go after you.

- Where are you

putting yourself?

- No one wants to go first.

But, I mean, I don't mind

going first.

Is that okay?

- Yeah.

- That's the hardest one.

Wrong move.

- This challenge is important

because everyone knows me

as a comedy queen.

So there's high pressure

right now

to put my money

where my mouth is.

- It's so hard to think of,

like, mean things to say

about her.

- Ivy's very sweet

and well-mannered.

And in a roast,

that's gonna be hard.

- I am just trying to, like,

really rack my brain.

And I still can't think

of one joke.

- Coming up...

- I put myself first.

- Are you going for

Miss Congeniality

or America's next

drag superstar?

- Girl, that's fake to me.

- I'm not acting when I say

I'm insecure about things.

- Bullshit.

- [laughs]

[laughs]

- The main challenge this week

is to roast RuPaul,

as well as our fellow queens

and the judging panel.

I just have to kick ass at it,

because at a drag show,

when you b*mb,

you don't just hear crickets.

You hear shotguns

getting cocked.

- I can't read this last one.

Because they're gonna be like,

t...

Humph.

- I keep hearing, "Ooh!"

- Oh, my gosh.

- "Ooh, um..."

- [mutters]

- "Oh, no, I can't."

- Oh, my gosh, y'all.

I can't do it.

I'm gonna have to rewrite it.

I'm gonna read y'all

the beginning of mine.

Tell me if it's too much.

"RuPaul, where should I start?

"With the cracked-out

beginning of your career

or the cracking of your voice

at every live performance?"

Oh, my gosh.

Y'all, am I just gonna be too...

Is that too much, Roxxxy?

[laughs]

[rubs hands together]

- She's saying her jokes

are so much

and she says her joke, bitch,

and you can hear crickets.

- I can't.

I can't.

I can't.

- You go back in your corner,

and you figure it the f*ck out

and come back and talk to us

when you got

something together.

Darling.

- Hello, hello, hello.

[all shout]

- Oh, my!

- No, no, no.

- Since nobody knows RuPaul

better than me,

I am here to help you all

with your roast material.

- Oh, my God.

- Hello, Alaska.

- Hi.

- Tell me what you got.

You're a smart one.

- Well, I'm hitting her music,

her movies...

- What about the music?

- Ru, your music

is so auto-tuned

you make Cher sound like

Susan Boyle.

- [laughs]

Good.

It's so nice to see Alaska

again.

- Hi.

- Now, you won

the mini-challenge.

- Yes.

- So you were in charge

of the order.

- Mm-hmm.

- So how did you decide how

everybody was gonna go?

- I asked everyone if they have

a preference

as to if they want to

go in the beginning,

the middle, the end.

And I put myself first.

- Yeah, are...are you going for

Miss Congeniality

or America's

next drag superstar here?

- Um...

- In the end, someone's gotta

go down, right?

- Yeah.

- It could be you.

See you at the roast, baby.

Hi, Roxxxy girl.

- Hi, Michelle.

- Does this challenge

make you nervous?

- Reading is something

I've always done

to the queens at the bar.

You know, they think I'm a mean

girl anyways, but...

- How do you plan on reading

somebody like Ru?

- Her music, how she sings.

- How does she sing?

- It's auto-tune.

- Auto-tune seems to be

a common thing so far.

So you might want to listen,

and if something's repeated,

take it out or make it funnier...

- Than the person before you.

- Yes.

- And I can be funnier

than Alaska.

- [gasps]

- [laughs]

- Keep it funny.

That's all we can tell you.

- Yes, ma'am.

- Ivy Winters.

- Hi, beautiful.

- How are you?

- A little bit nervous,

to be honest.

I don't consider myself

a comedian,

so it's definitely

a challenge for me.

- What kind of topics are you

gonna be roasting Ru on?

- I know he wears

amazing costumes,

so I think I'm gonna

kind of hit on that.

- How are Ru's dresses funny?

I mean, they're flawless.

Give me another one.

- Um, I know Santino being

a sewer and he designs, um...

- Some sewing jokes?

Doesn't sound too funny.

Your page is empty.

- I think I've ripped out,

like, five pages.

I'm really trying to rack

my brain.

- Keep racking.

I'm gonna let you back at it.

Keep on keeping on, baby.

- All right.

- Coco Montrese.

Hi, gorgeous.

- How are you?

- How are you feeling about

this challenge?

- I'm not a comedian by...

by far,

but I'm taking a different

approach than, you know,

a lot of the other girls

in this competition.

I'm gonna be Coco Montrese,

Ru's old childhood friend

from the Brewster Projects.

- Okay.

I think it's important for you,

this challenge, Coco.

- Very.

I've been in the bottom twice.

- So let's deliver

this sh*t.

- I will deliver.

- All right.

- Thanks.

No RuPaulogies.

I'm not gonna apologize anymore.

I'm gonna show him

what I'm made of.

- Alyssa Edwards.

- Miss Michelle,

the first lady, how are you?

- I love it.

Are you a funny queen, Alyssa?

- With reading, some people

can take it personal.

- Okay, they can take it

personally if it's not funny.

But if it's funny,

you're almost forgiven.

It's, like, given a pass.

- Right.

But you know when you're with

your friends, and you're like,

"Girl, that outfit is tired

and ridiculous.

You look late.

Bitch, you need to go change."

- That's not a joke.

That's a read.

- It is, but it's still

being funny.

- It's not a joke.

- Not a joke, no.

And I've taken it personal

before because I had a girl

in this competition tell me

I was fat in my costume.

- It's not a joke.

Gotta be funny.

- Okay.

- It has to be joke after joke

after joke.

All right, so I'm gonna let you

go back to your work.

- Okay, thank you, Michelle.

- All right, baby.

Good luck.

All right, ladies.

Gather round.

In a moment, you'll be meeting

with your comedy coaches.

And tomorrow we'll be joined by

our extra special guest judges,

star of TV and stage,

Leslie Jordan...

[all cheer]

And Absolut Vodka guru,

Jeffrey Moran.

- Oh, yay.

- So come decked out in

your swankiest cocktail attire.

Oh, and one more thing.

You'll be roasting Ru

in front of a live audience.

- Oh, my gosh!

[all shout]

- Oh, shut up!

- So don't f*ck it up.

Byesies.

- Bye.

- [snores]

I do have narcolepsy,

and in the moment where I'm most

worried about my jokes,

my body

starts to shut down.

- You might think I want to say

"Jinkx, wake up."

But sorry, girl.

- [snores]

- Coming up...

- Santino, will you please shut

the f*ck up?

[laughs]

- It has to be funny.

Seriously.

- [laughs]

[laughs]

- Jinkx is here.

- Hi, Jinkxy.

- Hi, Jinkx.

- Our coaches today are

Deven Green, Bruce Vilanch,

and Nadya Ginsburg.

I am most shaken by Deven Green.

I have been doing her "welcome

to my home" video shtick

for years.

So I'm just gonna rattle through

all of this.

- Cool.

- RuPaul, you are pulled...

[clears throat]

RuPaul in her heyday would have

made...ah.

I ruined it.

- Stop being such an adult,

and be a fun-loving performer.

- Okay.

My career as a comedian

might be on the line here.

- RuPaul, how do you get to be

supermodel of the world?

When you find out,

can you let me know?

- Well, that is a starting point

for somewhere

that you didn't go.

Just go deeper, as somebody

once said to me

who I never dated again.

- Don't be afraid to go out

there and really be as vicious

as you can because that's

the name of the game.

- I would write that down.

It's a great note.

- I'm writing that down.

- Let's talk about

Michelle Visage.

Everybody, Michelle Visage.

She's lovely.

Who did your boob job, Michelle?

Boobsforqueens.com?

They...they do breast plates

for drag queens.

- I think you need something

a little easier to process.

Just make sure you really

drive it home.

- Coco!

- Tomorrow I'm just going with

I'm Ru good friend

from the projects.

Ru don't know I'm gonna be here.

You know, straight from

the hood.

It's gonna be a stretch for me.

- [laughs]

- All right.

- I'ma say, "you know, Ru,

"I want to know

what you gonna do

"when that entourage of makeup

artists you got go on strike.

I seen you do your makeup

by yourself, fool."

- I would be mindful of...

it should be light-hearted,

not malicious and mean-spirited.

- Like her face has been b*at

more times than Susan Lucci

at the Daytime Emmys.

- Right.

- Coco is not a comedian.

But RuPaul's long lost friend

from the Brewster Projects

is a comedian.

She tell it like it t-i-is.

And she ain't apologizing for it

while she pat her weave.

- Okay, Mr. RuPaul Charles.

After your less award-earning

role in Starrbooty,

you should not only sashay away,

but jump off a damn cliff.

[laughs]

- I think the general rule

in a roast is

it's great to be evil,

but it has to be funny.

You gotta have a couple of

jokes, seriously.

- Santino, will you please shut

the f*ck up

with your

no-drag-knowledge mouth?

[laughs]

- Do you have any more jokes?

- [chuckles]

- I'll just start with my whole

spiel about Leslie Jordan.

The movie The Help is chock-full

of unbelievable performances.

The most unbelievable is you

being a heterosexual.

Leslie, you're gayer than George

Michael f*cking Elton john.

- It's important

that you not rush.

Take your time.

- And find the funniest nugget.

Take it even one step further

with some of the punch lines.

- Ru and the rest of the judges

are expecting a lot out of me.

I have to be funny.

- Roxxxy.

Let's hear your material.

- Okay, let's start with Ru.

Your laugh is as fake as

Lee Press-On Nails.

They're sticky, annoying,

and never fun.

Then again,

so is Alyssa Edwards.

- What do you call it

when you flatline?

- You're dead.

- Code blue.

- Thank you.

More, more.

What else do you have?

- Yeah, what else...what are

your other jokes?

- Okay, the other one I have for

Ru is

"Ru, your acting to me

is very cute.

Unlike all the girls that are

left in this competition."

- Well, that's...

it's not really funny.

It's just an insult.

- When the coaches completely

rejected what I was giving them,

it threw me, and I'm completely

defeated.

Like, first joke off the bat

was just, like,

"Oh, mm, you're not

making us laugh.

Okay, what else do you have?"

And I was like...

I'm, like, redoing my whole

script right now.

That was the first time I just

wanted, like, to leave and cry.

It sucks.

[sighs]

- Today we will be roasting

the legendary Ms. RuPaul.

Not only am I nervous

that we're doing comedy,

but it's in front of

a live audience.

Honey, tonight I am shaking

in my pumps.

- Ms. Jinkx standing over there

looking like the mad hatter

right now.

What's this challenge?

Alice in Wonderland?

- Coco, why are you still doing

your ventriloquist dummy makeup?

all: Ooh!

- Jinkx try to act like

she innocent

and that she's not reading.

- I don't act

like I'm innocent.

- Now, Ms. Jinkx, I want to ask

you this for real, girl.

Do you feel like you deliver

glamour?

- I don't think I deliver

anything but what I deliver.

And what I've been delivering

lately

has been a big, old confusion.

- That's all bullshit.

I'm not believing that.

- You ain't buyin', Ms. Roxxxy?

She's sellin', and you ain't

buyin'?

- I ain't buyin' sh*t.

You come across as

"I don't think I'm gonna win,

but I'm just here doing good

until I can't do good anymore."

- I feel like sometimes when I

do well in the challenges,

I don't really get to feel

that great about it

because I get

b*at down on the runway.

It's my own thing I'm tackling.

- Girl, that's fake to me.

You know what you can do,

but you play the card

as the innocent,

"I don't know.

Maybe I'm in the bottom two."

And I feel like, you know...

- Yeah, it's just like,

really, girl?

- I'm not acting when I say I'm

insecure about things, though.

- Ms. Jinkx, you know exactly

what I'm saying,

you know

what role you're playing.

- I know what you're saying,

and I do not agree with you.

It is not an act when I tell you

I'm nervous about sh*t.

That's how I feel.

- Okay, well, girl,

if you're not gonna take

the constructive criticism

and how I'm just trying to

explain to you how I feel.

- Many jokes and two faces...

- Ooh!

- Jinkx Monsoon!

- [laughs]

Welcome to the main stage of

RuPaul's Drag Race.

Michelle Visage, are you ready

for some roasting?

- Bring it on, b*tches.

- [laughs]

Santino Rice.

- I am ready to get ribbed for

her pleasure.

- [laughs]

Leslie Jordan, are you scared

just a little bit?

- Terrified.

- Good. You should be.

Absolut's Jeffrey Moran,

what flavor of Absolut

would this be?

- Absolut Pears in the

Garden of Good and Evil.

- Mm, evil.

This week we challenged

our queens

to sharpen their comedic skills

in the first ever

RuPaul Roast.

So enjoy your Absolut cocktails,

and remember, if you can't laugh

at yourself,

how in the hell are you

gonna laugh at somebody else?

[laughs]

Gentlemen, start your engines.

And may the best woman win.

Coming up...

- You know at the beginning

of the show

you come in the room, girl,

pants so high.

He look like he in New Orleans

in Hurricane Katrina, girl.

[all laugh]

- [laughs]

[laughs]

[cheers and applause]

- Hello, everyone, and welcome

to the first ever RuPaul Roast.

[cheers and applause]

You all know Leslie Jordan.

[cheers and applause]

Don't lie.

No, you don't.

[all laugh]

Leslie Jordan is the only man

on earth

to have f*cked more gay men

than Michelle Visage.

[all laugh]

Michelle Visage.

You can take the girl

out of New Jersey,

but you can't keep the girl

from giving blow jobs

to homeless men

along the New Jersey turnpike.

But we're here

celebrating RuPaul.

RuPaul, you've been

in the industry

a long, long, long, long, long,

long, long time.

RuPaul is so old that

the Hindenburg disaster

nearly destroyed

her bat mitzvah.

[all laugh]

RuPaul is so old that her

colostomy bag is made of wood.

[all laugh]

RuPaul is so old that

when she opens her legs,

all you hear is...

[raspy exhale]

[all laugh]

She's done movies, music,

television,

and I have just one thing

to say.

Please stop immediately.

[all laugh]

Thank you, mama.

We love you.

[cheers and applause]

It is my great pleasure

to bring to the stage

our next "entertainer."

Roxxxy Andrews.

And that's Roxxxy with three Xs,

just like her dress size.

- Oh!

- Thank you, Alaska...

a tired, boring, weird,

second-rate version

of your husband.

[audience ohs]

You know, RuPaul, you love it

for all of us

to call you our mom.

How the f*ck

can I call you my mom

if you're as old

as my grandpa?

[faint laughter]

Michelle Visage,

with that much makeup,

all of your wigs, and...

light on your face,

maybe we should call you...

Michelle Mirage.

[scattered laughter]

RuPaul, I want to thank you

for having me here tonight.

- Y'all, I'm so happy

to be here.

I never been out the house.

It's been a long time, y'all.

I'm Ru good cousin

from the Brewster Projects.

She didn't know I was

coming tonight.

You didn't know I was gonna be

here, did you?

- [laughs] No.

- And Michelle...you go back

with Michelle

farther than you go back

with me.

You knew Michelle when Michelle

was Michael.

[all laugh]

So I'm flipping through the

channels, I say, "You seen Ru?

Ru on TV!"

I say, "What the hell is he

thinking?"

You know, at the beginning

of the show,

you come in the room, girl.

"Hello, hello!"

Girl, you look like the black

Pee Wee Herman.

[all laugh]

Pants so high.

He look like he in New Orleans

in Hurricane Katrina, girl.

[riotous laughter]

[cheers and applause]

- It's gonna be hard to top

Coco.

But look at her.

Who would want to top Coco?

[all laugh]

Michelle Visage is so full

of semen.

Period.

[all laugh]

No, seriously.

She's a whore.

Now on to the grand

high bitch herself.

Ru, what I admire most about you

is your ability

to look at these tired queens

and always find

a compliment for them.

You're so full of sh*t,

the toilet's jealous.

[all laugh]

Give it up for RuPaul.

- Hello, everyone.

Having sex with Santino is a lot

like Ru's music career...

Awkward.

- You would know.

- [laughs]

- I feel like

whenever Michelle farts,

a fairy gets her wings.

[all laugh]

Speaking of fairies,

hello, Leslie.

RuPaul, with these long legs

and feathers you like to wear,

you're one step away

from looking like

Big Bird's grandmother.

[audience oohs]

[cheers and applause]

- I thought I had auditioned

for RuPaul's Next...

[microphone feedback]

Drag queen of the year.

[microphone feedback]

Little did I know I was walking

into the largest cross-dressing

convention of all time.

[scattered laughter]

But this is about you,

mother Ru...

From the cracked-out nights

in the bathroom

or the cracking of your voice

at every live performance.

This was the best bunch

of people

you could get to come judge?

Can I get a gay man?

Santino Rice, what the hell you

know about winning something?

But you and Coco Montrese do

share something in common, okay.

And that's not only

your foolish wardrobe,

but being a runner-up...

- Oh...

- Don't get bitter.

Just get better.

[microphone feedback]

I thank you, and good night.

[applause]

- Good evening,

ladies and gentlemen.

Wasn't he delightful?

[all laugh]

God bless him,

he tried his hardest.

Oh, f*ck.

Where do I f*cking start?

Oh, God.

Let's start with Leslie Jordan.

It's great to see you.

[chuckles]

The Help is one of my most

favorite movies of all time.

And your performance

was quite unbelievable.

Because you played

a heterosexual male.

You are f*cking gayer than the

Fire Island production of Rent.

[all laugh]

But enough with that old queen.

Let's talk about the other

old queen on the panel,

Michelle Visage.

[all laugh]

Let me just look at my little

notes really quick, f*ck.

God, I had to write little

to fit all this in.

[laughter]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Michelle's favorite movie in the

world is Showgirls.

And much like Nomi Malone,

she relies on the talents

of her black friend.

[all laugh]

Ru, you are a f*cking legend.

And I just hope that you're

having the time of your life.

Because you don't have much time

left.

[all laugh]

Good night, you guys.

Thank you so much

for coming out.

[cheers and applause]

- Coming up...

- You were trying too hard.

- It was boring,

it was humiliating,

and uncomfortable to watch.

- Wah-wah.

- [laughs]

[laughs]

Ladies, it's time for the

judges' critiques.

Let's start with Alaska.

- Hi.

- Comedy is like music.

It's something you hear

or you don't.

And you definitely

hear the music.

- Thank you.

- I thought you looked

beautiful tonight in your LBD.

And up there at the podium,

you were very funny,

but it's tough to go first.

You really should have taken it

even further.

- Moving on to Ivy Winters.

- Hey.

- We both wore green.

- I know.

- Yeah.

- You wore it best.

- [laughs]

- Tonight...I love you in green,

I love the red hair.

Not sure about the gloves.

- I love the gloves.

- I don't think you need them.

- During the roast, your

cards were a bit of a crutch,

and you kept looking at them.

- And you seemed

so unsure of yourself.

You were so nervous.

- Next up, Jinkx Monsoon.

- You have a career in or out

of drag in comedy.

You k*lled.

- Thank you.

- Jinkx, oh, Jinkx.

Let's start with

the runway look...

I love it!

- [laughs]

- Right hair, right makeup.

I am so friggin' proud of you.

- To hear that from

Michelle Visage, oh, my God,

that was worth its weight

in gold.

- Detox.

- Hi.

- You were so mean to me.

But there was a twinkle

in your eye.

Your tongue was firmly planted

in your cheek.

- The one thing I wasn't fond of

was you relying too much

on the word "f*ck."

You can let the room breathe.

It's okay.

It was too much.

- Alyssa Edwards.

- You could have been

a little funnier.

And I thought you were trying

too hard.

- Going into the mic

and holding on, like,

for dear life,

I thought that was nerves.

But you're so gorgeous.

- Thank you.

- It wasn't your best moment

tonight.

- Okay.

- It was boring.

It was humiliating

and uncomfortable to watch.

- Coco Montrese.

- Not a roast, but a toast.

Mazel tov.

It was really spectacular.

- Thank you.

- Well done.

- Wanda Sykes, move over.

[all laugh]

It was hilarious.

- Tonight on the runway,

I like your look.

I'm thinking the earrings

and your roots showing,

it added to the humor.

- Roxxxy Andrews.

- Keep your pace up.

You needed to be quicker.

- It wasn't as smooth.

You could have strung it

together better

so that it was

much more fluid.

- Tonight your dress

is high-end,

and you really needed

some bigger hair to go with it.

- Well, ladies,

I think we've heard enough.

While you enjoy

an Absolut cocktail

in the Interior Illusions

Lounge,

the judges and I

will deliberate.

Just between us roasted

chickens, what do you think?

Let's start with Alaska.

- Her look

is so predictable now.

- So you want to see

a different silhouette.

- Just once at least.

- Being first means you have

a little more expectation

to step out of the box.

But a lot of the things,

it's like, I sort of expected

them.

- I just loved her.

She just, like, the kind of

knock-kneed,

and standing back there

and quirky and...

[exaggerated laugh]

It was refreshing to me.

- Moving on to Roxxxy Andrews.

- Roxxxy sees herself

as not funny,

and I think she was too much

in her head,

trying to

think how she can deliver it.

- And she seemed to be

out of character.

- I'd agree.

Roxxxy was stumbling from one

transition to the next.

It wasn't her night.

- She was really, really,

really nervous.

And I think it was just

a meltdown,

and it's hard to watch that.

- All right.

- Ivy Winters.

- She read her cards

the whole time.

She didn't connect once.

I didn't see her eyes.

I got no emotion from her.

And that's been my problem

with Ivy.

She's like a cardboard cutout.

- I didn't have a problem with

Ivy in that way, Michelle.

She wasn't as rough as some of

the other girls

with segueing from one joke

to the next,

and there was some really funny

moments.

- Coco Montrese.

- Great concept,

great delivery.

Very good tonight for Coco.

Especially coming from where

she was last week.

- Coco came out here tonight

with a new attitude.

She had consistent joke

after joke.

- I almost fell off the chair.

The whole time she was up there,

she stayed in that character.

I d*ed.

- Jinkx Monsoon.

- Hallelu.

She looked great.

I was so very proud of her.

- I would have loved her

to have played more

with the other queens.

Reading them a little more.

Yes.

- I have two words:

master comedienne.

- All right, next up, Detox.

- We all know she's funny.

She could have done more and got

rid of some of the f-bombs.

- You know, the f-b*mb

usually means

that someone's very nervous.

- You can laugh, but it's like,

oh, and another f-b*mb,

oh, and another f-b*mb.

And it's no longer funny

or bombastic.

- I expected more from her.

- Alyssa Edwards.

- The dress was a disaster

tonight.

I got prom feeling from it.

And then the roast...

wah-wah.

Intimidation.

- Yeah, that was it.

- Was she intimidated

by the other girls?

- Absolutely.

- Yeah.

- So many funny girls

up there tonight.

- They were...they were funny,

and I think she just...

she melted.

But I think she's beautiful.

- [laughs]

- She looks like

a fairy prince.

[all laugh]

- Silence.

I've made my decision.

Bring back...

my girls.

[laughs]

- [laughs]

Welcome back, ladies.

I've made some decisions.

Alaska, tonight you proved

you can stand on your own.

You're safe.

- Thank you.

[blows kiss]

- Jinkx Monsoon,

your look tonight was no joke.

Keep it up.

You're safe.

- Thank you.

- Coco Montrese.

As my hood rat cousin,

you tore me to shreds.

You are the winner

of this week's challenge.

Condragulations.

[applause]

You've won a custom gown

from SequinQueen.

- Coco Montrese is back.

Yes, God, I'm back, baby.

- Detox...

you're safe.

Alyssa Edwards,

tonight your punch lines

flatlined.

I'm sorry, my dear,

but you are up for elimination.

Ivy Winters, you struggled

to connect with the audience.

Roxxxy Andrews, tonight was not

your shining moment.

Ivy Winters...

you're safe.

Roxxxy Andrews, I'm sorry,

my dear,

but you are up for elimination.

- All of this stress

has just hit me.

This is honestly the first time

in this competition

that I felt

"You're not good enough."

- Two queens stand before me.

Ladies, this is your last chance

to impress me

and save yourself

from elimination.

The time has come for you

to lip sync for your life.

- Get ready for the lip sync

of your life.

- Good luck.

And don't f*ck it up.

- ♪ Hop up out the bed ♪

♪ Turn my swag on ♪

♪ Pay no attention ♪

♪ To them haters ♪

♪ Because we whip 'em off ♪

♪ And we ain't doing

nothing wrong ♪

♪ So don't tell me nothing ♪

♪ I'm just trying to have fun ♪

- [laughs]

- ♪ So keep the party jumping ♪

so what's up ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ And now they don't know

what to do ♪

♪ We turn our back

and whip our hair ♪

♪ and just shake 'em off ♪

- There's no holding back.

There's no tip-toeing around.

I have to bring everything.

- ♪ I whip my hair

back and forth ♪

♪ I whip my hair

back and forth ♪

♪ I whip my hair

back and forth ♪

♪ I whip my hair

back and forth ♪

♪ I whip my hair

back and forth ♪

- Oh!

- I got a seizure

watching that.

- ♪ All my ladies

if you feel me ♪

♪ Come on, do it, do it ♪

♪ Whip your hair,

your hair ♪

♪ Your hair ♪

♪ I whip my hair

back and forth ♪

♪ I whip my hair

back and forth ♪

♪ I whip my hair

back and forth ♪

♪ I whip my hair

back and forth ♪

♪ I whip my hair

back and forth ♪

♪ I whip my hair ♪

- Alyssa is bringing it.

- [laughs]

- ♪ I whip my hair

back and forth ♪

♪ I whip my hair

back and forth ♪

♪ I whip my hair

back and forth ♪

♪ I whip my hair

back and forth ♪

♪ I whip my hair

back and forth ♪

- It's gonna be

a photo finish tonight.

- ♪ I whip my hair

back and forth ♪

♪ I whip my... ♪

[cheers and applause]

- Lost her shoe.

- All right, ladies.

- [crying]

Sorry.

- Are you okay?

- So many emotions.

- What's going on?

- Nothing.

Go ahead.

- No, tell me about it.

- It just hit me and...

like not feeling wanted

and not being good enough.

I just feel like my mom

never wanted me and...

my mother left my sister

and myself at a bus stop

when I was three.

And I remember it like it was

yesterday.

And, like, I come off

as this strong character.

I try to stay so strong,

but I'm so weak,

and I'm so tired.

[sobbing]

It just hurts that I was left.

Nobody cared.

- We love you.

And you are so welcome here.

You know, we as gay people,

we get to choose our family.

You know, we get to choose

the people that we're around.

You know what I'm saying?

I am your family.

We are a family here.

I love you.

- I love you.

- All right.

I've made my decision.

What you two did on this runway

is the passion

I am looking for.

Shantay, you both stay.

- [cries]

- [cries]

- Thank you so much.

- These are no longer just drag

queens I am competing with.

I'm growing attached

to these people.

We are like the seven sisters

right now.

- My seven sister queens.

If you can't love yourself,

how in the hell are you gonna

love somebody else?

Can I get a amen in here?

all: Amen!